*************
Christmas is a time of happiness, presents, singing carols, and being with family. Happiness, that was a word that repeated through her mind over and over. Willow hated Christmas. She had for the last two years. Ever since…she couldn’t even think about it. It was almost too painful even after a year. Willow sighed and looked at the tree Xander made her put up. She hadn’t even decorated it yet. The ornaments sat in a box at the end of her couch. She opened it up and the pulled one out. It was a little vampire, looking ridiculous with its cape and slicked back hair. A tear fell from her eye as memories flooded her mind.
*****

He wrapped his arms around her waist, and she giggled as he kissed her neck.

“Which one are you getting love?” Spike asked. Willow shrugged looking at all the ornaments in the store.

“I can’t decide!” She said sighed for emphasis.

“Why do we have to do this again?” He asked. Willow spun around.

“Because I have an ornament for every year I’ve lived so I want one for this year too!” She exclaimed.

“Then let me pick it.” Spike suggested. Willow smiled.

“Really do you want to?” She asked. Spike shrugged.

“Why not?” He stepped away to look at the various assortment of ornaments. He gazed at them so intensely that Willow had to giggle. “Hush red I need to concentrate.” He said. This only made Willow laugh harder. He suddenly grabbed one. “Got it!” He said. Willow took his hand to look at the ornament he had picked.

“This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen.” She said giggling. The little vampire failed to look remotely scary.

“You don’t like it?” He said in a mock tone of hurt. Willow slipped her arms around his neck.

“It’s perfect.” She said. He smiled and kissed her softly.
*****

Tear fell fast from her eyes and she brushed them away. She contemplated throwing the little vampire away but she couldn’t. She wrapped it back up in tissue paper and placed it back in the box. She put the box back where it had been. No, I can’t even do this, she thought. The phone rang and she picked it up.

“Hello?” She answered.

“Hey Wills!” Xander replied. “We are getting all in the Christmas spirit over here at Giles’ and making him put a tree up. Why don’t you come help us?” Xander asked. Willow smiled at his attempts to help.

“I’m actually really tired but maybe I’ll come by later.” She offered.

“All right. Have a good night.” He said. They both hung up and Willow walked wearily up the stairs. This whole house was so full of memories. Most of them were things she didn’t want to remember this time of year. Funny, she thought, this stuff hasn’t bugged me up until now. But she knew why. It was because it had all happened around this time a year ago. It was when she had stopped talking to her best friend, and lost him forever.
*****

“She said what?” Willow asked in disbelief. She could even remember why they had started fighting but it had led up to this.

“It’s not just what she said. It’s led up to this. I’m a vampire, and you’re human. I can’t give you half of what you deserve.” He said sadly. Willow shook her head.

“I don’t care. You know that. I never cared. All I care about is you.” Willow said desperately.

“I know. But it’s because I care that I’m saying this.” Spike answered.

“This is because she can’t have her one true love so she has to ruin it for us. Why? Don’t do this please.” She whispered. Spike wanted nothing more then to pull his girl into his arms, but he couldn’t.

“I’m leaving.” He said quietly. Willow pulled her knees up to her chest and tried to hold back her tears.

“Just like Angel, just what she wanted. You’re a poof just like him.” She said. If it had been any other time he would’ve smiled.

“I’m doing this for you. Buffy’s right as much as I hate to say it. One day red you’re going to want things beyond all this. I saw it happen before…to Dru.” He said. Willow looked up angrily.

“I’m not Dru! I don’t care about that other stuff! And I would never leave you like she did. What do I have to do to prove that?” She said letting her tears fall. He kneeled in front of her.

“I know you’re not Dru. You don’t have to prove anything. But I want you to have everything you want.” He said.

“But you’re what I want.” Willow whispered. Spike reached to touch her and she pulled away. “Don’t touch me.” She said. “Just leave…if that’s what you want then do it.” She whispered. His blue eyes held only pain. He stood up and grabbed his duffel bag and ever-present duster.

“No matter what, I’ll always love you Willow…always.” Spike said softly. He walked out the door and Willow broke down sobbing.

*****

That was the last time she had seen him and she hadn’t talked to Buffy since. She still hung out with Giles and Xander but the moment Buffy arrived Willow left. It was all she could do to keep from killing the Slayer. Willow had become a better friend with Angel through e-mail and phone calls and the dark vampire let her know that Spike now resided with him. Like sire like childe, she thought. She changed into her pajamas and fell onto her bed. She turned the TV on but she didn’t watch anything. She just stared up at the ceiling. The phone rang once again.

“Hello?” She answered.

“Merry Christmas.” A voice replied. Willow smiled at Angel’s attempt to be cheerful.

“Whatever.” She said.

“Now come on Wills. It’s not that bad.” Angel said quietly.

“Yes it is.” She replied.

“Well Cordelia doesn’t think so. She’s convinced that I’m not spirited enough.” Angel sighed. Willow smiled.

“Well try and smile when she’s around, maybe you should wear a shirt with Santa on it.” Willow suggested.

“I don’t think so.” Angel replied. “But I am getting in the habit of giving presents.” Angel said. Willow raised her eyebrows.

“Oh really. Well what did you get me?” She asked.

“Actually I have just had it delivered.” Angel replied.

“You what?” Willow asked.

“Yeah it’s at the front door right now I think.” Angel informed her. Willow stood up and walked down her stairs.

“Are you sure?” Willow asked.

“Yes.” Angel replied. “Now just open the door.” Willow hesitantly turned the knob. She instantly met a pair of blue eyes and she gasped.

“Hello red.” Spike said quietly. In L.A. a usually brooding vampire smiled at his brunette girlfriend.

“Merry Christmas Willow, hope you like it.” Angel said.
*****

Willow had hung up on Angel without even saying goodbye. She had just stood for the last five minutes staring into his eyes. It was a pleasure that she had forgotten about.

“So…” He began. Willow snapped out of her daze.

“Yeah so what are you doing here?” She asked. Spike suddenly looked very uncomfortable.

“Well it was Angel’s idea really. I didn’t really…well it’s not like I didn’t want to come…I did…I just didn’t think you’d want to see me.” Spike said babbling as Willow would.

“Well the not wanting to see you part was on the mark.” Willow said.
 

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