Spike stared wantonly at their joint hands, not hearing the falling
leaves, or the call of the night owl, or the soft breathe of his red
haired companion. He did smell the blood, and this broke the spell
which was winding its way through his heart. He looked further up
the girls arm and unlocked their hands so he could grasp the other.
Both arms were covered in deep scratches, patches of dried blood
scabbing at the surface.
"I did that before....you know. They'll clear up in a few days."
She shrugged his hands off, shivering as the cool breeze crept into
her senses. She turned to look at the gravestone again, smiling a
little as she read the name. "I'll never forget them. And I'l never
truly forgive myself." She whispered, staring intently at the curve
in the rain weary stone. Spike put a hand on her shoulder but she
shrugged him off, turning with a fixed smile to thank him once again.

Spike frowned as he gave the key to Willow so she could open the
door, feeling like a stranger in the place he'd lived for the past
year. He lingered on the doorstep as Wilow glanced round the room.
She looked at him curiously when she saw he was still outside. "Do I
have to invite you again?" She asked in disbelief.
"No." Spike shook his head and stepped inside, turning to close the
door gently behind him. He stood facing the closed door for a
moment, tracing the brass handle with the tip of his thumb before
turning round and brushing past the girl. He took the stairs two at
a time and was packing his bags before Willow had the chance to catch
up.
"W, what are you doing?" She said, her voice suddenly scared. He
didn't answer her. He stuffed more clothes into a bag, as Willow
frowned and stepped closer. She stood in front of the wardrobe with
her arms crossed over her chest, barring his way with a defiant
stare. She was still weak from the after effects of the spell, not
to mention the loss of blood and the weirdness of the past twelve
months. It was only now that she could really start to say goodbye
to her friends. But it seemed she had more pressing concerns to deal
with first. "Spike. If you don't tell me what you're doing then I
may have to reverse the usual process involving us two and a bat."
She said firmly, though her tone was strangely light. Spike stood
inches away from her, drinking the look of strength from her eyes,
but knowing he could now beat her and force her and kill her if his
temper got out of hand.
"You're fixed, I'm leaving. There's really not much to say pet."
Spike said with a bored expression fixing the tone of his face.
"But," Willow let out the rest of that breathe and took
another. "But you can't leave now. I mean, you live here and,
and...."
"And and what luv? I was your bloody keeper, and now I'm setting you
free. Don't start giving me all that sterne's starling stuff, I'm
not buying okay."
"You've read Sterne?" Willow said, momentarily distracted. Spike
rolled his eyes. Willow shook her head and made her way back to the
point. "You're wrong. I....I haven't touched another living
creature in over a year. I lost my best....my life,
Xander....they've gone and all I could think about was blaming
myself. I couldn't get past the fog to see anything, not their
memory, not myself or you or....anything. I don't know how to be
anymore." Willow smiled shyly, shrugging her shoulders. "I'm out of
practise." Spike's brow was furrowed as he looked the girl up and
down.
"You're not safe with me." He grunted, refusing to catch her eye.
"Safe? You've got the implant still, right?"
"But I can still hurt you." He said firmly, gripping his knees in
his palm. Willow moved her arm forward and tilted his chin upwards,
surprised by the artificial warmth she felt under his normally cool
skin. He must be really upset, she thought.
"Then hurt me." She whispered, rubbing her thumb over his smooth
skin. Spike pulled her forwards by the hips so she stood between his
legs as he sat on the bed, and rested his head against her stomach,
relishing the warmth of her beneath his skin. Willow tensed as the
vampire held her in a steady grip. She wasn't scared of him, she was
just overwhelmed by the fact that someone was holding her after all
this time. This was not going to be as easy as she had first thought.

It had been two days since Willow had been restored, and she had
spent nion all of that time either hiding in her room, or trying not
to hide in her room. The latter consisting mostly of a short spell
of silence next to Spike in front of the television. And yet she
couldn't get him out of her head. Why had he taken care of her? How
on earth could he care for her and then beat her as he did, even
though she had asked him to it was a difficult memory. And in any
case why hadn't the implant kicked in? She supposed it was because
she'd wanted to be beaten, to be punished for killing her friends.
She just didn't know anymore. Didn't know whether she blamed herself
or even as yet acknowledged what had happened to her over the past
year. She did know what it was like to feel so aborrant to humanity
that even death just seemed like cheating, like a short cut to a well-
deserved Hell. She wasn't supposed to feel like that anymore, not
after the spell. But the memory of it lingered, and stabbed tiny pin-
pricks into the soul, the heart and the mind. Willow sighed as she
lay in bed and listened to Spike clicking his door closed across the
hall. She was really quite frightened by her sudden influx of
hormones whenever the vampire was around. All she wanted to do was
burst through that door and shag him until he screamed. But, she
reasoned, real life probably wouldn't be as good as the fantasy
anyway. She snuggled under the covers, brushing a rogue finger
around the underside of her breasts.

Spike slammed his head back into the pillow, trying to get
comfortable and think of anything but smooth red hair and hot,
sensitive skin. He wasn't doing very well. He sighed as he shifted
again, moving his hand under the covers, knowing it would only be a
temporary release.

"Morning luv." Spike growled as he waited for his blood to heat up.
Willow nodded quickly before hiding her head in the fridge to
supposedly look for milk.
"We're out of milk." She said quietly, closing the door and turning
hesitantly round again.
"Well don't look at me pet. I'm not your bloody keeper."
"Anymore."
"Exactly. Go to the damn shops yourself."
"Oh okay." Willow glanced around the kitchen, looking for something
that might help her rising panic. Spike straightened up and watched
the girl until her eyes met his, guilt shining in their emerald
centres.
"Problem?"
"No." Willow stated, looking defiantly up at Spike. Then she bit
her lip and fixed her eyes on the ground. "So, hmm how have you been
paying to take care of me this past year?" She asked, not quite sure
she wanted to know the answer. Spike looked at her for a moment.
"Your money is where you left it." He said shortly, not inviting
further discussion.
"Oh." Willow mouthed, before scurrying to her room to collect her
things. Spike rolled his eyes and took a sharp gulp of the now warm
pigs blood, grimacing at the taste. He was so frustrated he could
barely move. Not only was he unable to hunt, to kill, to be a normal
vampire, now he had a perfectly together Willow who was still too
scared of him to come within two feet. He jumped onto the kitchen
counter, trying to think whether a dramatic course of action would
work miracles or disasters. At this point in the proceedings, in the
search for one, he'd happily settle for both.

Spike gauged the scene; Willow was sitting scrunched up on the couch
watching television, the darkness warded from the room with a few
half spent candles dotted here and there, and a flickering glow from
the moon. Now or never. Spike sloped into the living room and
settled onto the couch as close to Willow as he could possibly get.
Willow froze for a moment, before trying to move. As she got up
Spike put out a hand and stopped her, pulling her back down into her
seat. Willow squirmed and swallowed, before turning to face him with
a beligerant smile.
"Hey, Spike. What's up?" Spike scowled, and moved a little closer
to the trembling girl.
"I'm not a stranger pet, I've lived with you for a year, I've seen
you naked and heard you beg me to beat the Hell out of your paltry
little frame." Willow frowned as she examined the carpet, the place
where Spike's fingers had gripped her arm burning to the flesh.
"So?" She finally whispered, seeing as he was evidently waiting for
a response.
"So," Spike removed his hand from her wrist and ran it angrily
through his hair. "So whats with the sudden little red riding hood
act?"
"What act?" Spike chuckled cruelly.
"Well red," he pronounced his nickname like an insult. "You've
barely spoken a word since you got your dignity or whatever it was
back, you never look at me and...." Spike exhaled violently, fixing
his eyes on her flaming hair. The aggression suddenly seemed to
evapourate into thin air. "And you still won't let me touch you. I
mean I know technically I am the big bad wolf, but seeing as you know
full well I can't eat you...." His anger slowly returned. "I ask
the simple sodding question, what the bloody hell is wrong?" Willow
was silent, trying to move her hand to his but failing, her courage
just hadn't fully returned. Spike shook his head and made to get
up. "If you think I'm staying around here to be humiliated by a
stupid bloody little mousy....mortal then you must still have that
screw loose." He muttered as he made for the door. He'd already
reached it by the time Willow shouted out to him.
"Spike!" She darted up and stood across the room, shuffling
nervously on her feet. "I'm sorry. I...its just all of this. I
mean, I don't know whats going on, do you know whats going on, cause,
you know, I sure don't." She wiped a hand over her face, trying to
calm down. Spike narrowed his eyes dangerously.
"You think I'm your bitch? Your dog, that you can just call back
because your scared of being alone." Willow shook her head as Spike
moved closer. "Been there, done that, and you," Spike said taking a
step towards her. " are a bloody fool to think you could ever take
Dru's place." Their eyes met over what seemed to be an
insurmountable valley, before Willow flew at his chest and started
striking.
"You stupid vampire. I hate you! I...hate...." Her arms went
needily round his back to cling to him as her dry eyed but defeated
face buried itself in his chest. Spike stood stock still, his hands
remaining by his sides, as he neither comforted the witch nor
shrugged her off.

Willow closed her eyes as she nestled her cheek against Spike's well-
muscled body. It was cool, but not cold, and his shirt smelt of
tobacco and leather. She tried to calm her eratic breathing and
think of something cogent to say. She was distracted however, by the
feel of his well worn shirt over his skin, and the way it made her
tingle when she traced little circles on his back with her finger.
She lifted her head a little to look at a solemn faced Spike.
"Spike?" She said, biting her lip as she waited for him to move, or
speak, or do something, anything. But he refused, waiting, forcing
her to make the next move. She wanted to run away and hide, but she
also wanted to kiss him rather a lot too. There was a pause, before
she moved a step away from him, grabbed a chair and dragged it across
the room. She set it in front of Spike, who adamantly remained in
his motionless stance, though watching her through increasingly
bemused eyes. She kneeled on the flatly cushioned chair and took his
face in her hands, questioning his infuriatingly blank eyes before
darting forward and ravaging his mouth with a passion that almost
made Spike fall down. After a couple of seconds he had a better idea
and moved his hands round to her back, pulling her closer, as she
still kneeled on the stool. His fingers gripped the flimsy material
of her shirt as he tried to get as close as possible, touching her
lips expertly with his tongue. For the first time in Willow's life
she was annoyed that she had to breathe, but eventually she gave in
and pulled away. Spike was reluctant to release her, but eventually
let her lips drag in some much needed air. Then she got a little
nervous and waited to do see what he would do. Spike gave her a
rather cocky smile and lifted her body off the chair, turning round
so that only the floor was beneath her. The angry words of a moment
ago completely forgotten, at least for now. Spike stood her gently
on her feet and smiled. Her hair was mussed up and she bit on her
lower lip as she watched him through desire laden eyes. "What do I
do?" She said impishly, pulling at the hem on her overly-long
shirt. Spike's brow furrowed.
"I thought you and the dog-boy...."
"Oh, well we did. But that was a long time ago and, well you're over
a hundred years old." She looked out of the window as she finished,
a crimson blush staining her cheeks. "I don't want to be a
disapointment." She murmered, watching a cat scamper across an
overgrown lawn. Spike kissed his way up her neck, pausing at her ear
to nibble on the lobe.
"We don't have to. If you're not sure." He breathed before
returning to his path across her sensitive skin.
"No, I, I want to. I just...." Spike's lips caught her mouth in a
long deep kiss, cutting her off mid-babble. His hands massaged the
dip of her back, slowly easing the muscles beneath. Finally he
pulled back and cupped her face in his hands. "Let me worship you."
He said. Willow burst into laughter.
"Don't be so absurd." She managed to wheeze between giggles, resting
a hand on his chest to steady herself as she clutched her side.
Spike frowned a little as he watched her fall about , placing his
hands on his hips until she calmed down. Willow clamped her lips
together as she moved closer to the sulking vamp.
"Okay, you can cherish me. I'm all for a good cherish. But first
you have to let me worship you." She spoke slowly, running her hands
across the buttons of his shirt. "We can't expect you to be all
gentle and caring if demony guy is all frustrated and tense." She
murmered as she slipped his shirt over his arms. Spike just looked
at her with profound humour in his eyes, the humour quickly turning
to lust as Willow cupped him through his jeans and knelt on the floor
before him. "I've never done this before so....bare with me okay."
She said as she unzipped his jeans and pulled them down. Spike's
semi-hard erection poked through his boxers, Willow sighed and pulled
those down too. Then she looked. After about a minute of being
examined Spike was biting his lip to keep quiet. Whether he wanted
to moan in impending ecstacy or shout at the witch for not getting on
with it, who knows. Willow giggled slightly as she stroked her hand
towards the base. Soft, though hard, and surprisingly warm for a
vampire, she thought as she licked at the pre-come glistening on the
tip. She took a moment to gauge its taste before kissing her way
down his length and moving to explore his tightening testicles. She
weighed them in her hand, scrunching her nose up as she listened to
Spike's breathing become heavier as his cock hardened even more under
her careful ministrations. Willow took his head in her mouth and
gave it a little, experimental suck, before moving her mouth further
and swirling her tongue around the delicate skin. Spike's hands
found their way to her hair and she let him guide her as they both
began to move. Spike gripped the girls hair tighter as he came,
shooting his seed into the red-head's curious mouth. Willow nearly
choked when he came, but just about managed to swallow everything and
not embarress herself too much. She kept on sucking until Spike's
hands loosened on her hair and then slowly moved back and sat down on
the floor, crossing her legs as she went. There was a short silence.
"Willow?" Spike asked as he kicked his trousers from his ankles and
sat in front of the girl. "Are you okay?" He asked, suddenly
concerned.
"It was....nice." Willow smiled at him. "I thought it might be a
bit....icky, you know, but it wasn't at all....it, it was you." She
smiled shyly at the smirking vamp. Spike looked into her face and
knew that it wouldn't do any good going further tonight. He was
impressed with the girl, though his demon screamed at him to throw
her to the floor, shag her then drain her, he adamantly refused. All
in good time, he thought as he pulled the (only a little reluctant)
red-head into his elegant arms.

Willow buried her head into the pillow, letting her legs dangle off
the bed as she lay on her front. She didn't want to do it. Giving
Spike back his implant was as close to stupid as she could think.
He'd become a ruthless, evil killer again. Maybe that was for the
best. Willow shook her head, not believing herself for a moment. It
had been three hours since Spike had barged into the house shouting
at the top of his lungs about having finally found it. All she had
to do was cut his chest open and fish the damn thing out. All! She
could barely touch him without shaking, let alone perform minor
surgery. She knew he'd heal quickly, but what if she did something
wrong. What if she did it right. What then? But she couldn't
exactly refuse, not after all he'd done to make sure she was still
alive. Why couldn't Buffy have survived, Willow thought not for the
first time. She would have been much more useful to the world than
she could ever be. Willow took a deep breathe, trying to expell such
thoughts from her brain. Spike was waiting. She heaved herself off
her stomach and smoothed out her clothes. The worst thing that could
happen was that she'd willingly have let a viscious and remorseless
mass murderer on the loose. The best thing....Willow sighed. Maybe
he'd kill her before she had time to think about it.

Spike paced the length of the living room, trying to calm himself
down. Finally the chip would be gone. No more constraints, no more
passive little cute vampire acts. Acts? he stormed his brain at
such weakness. He could be himself again. Lone wolf. Bloody hell,
he thought as he turned to find Willow standing awkwardly at the
bottom of the stairs. She smiled silently at the girl. Spike
couldn't think properly, so he went on instinct and lunged forward to
draw the girl into his trembling arms. He wasn't scared of course.
Just think, William the Bloody scared of a little piece of metal, or
the lack of it. Willow darted backwards up the stairs when she saw
the vampire coming towards her, then immediately regretted it when
she saw the look in his eyes. The hurt only flickered for a second
however, before he withdrew into himself and the sardonic facade came
down.
"Right then luv." He said briskly, never stopping in his stride,
merely twisting his direction and picking up the knife. He handed it
to the girl. "Lets get this done." He murmered, bracing himself
against the wall. Willow felt her heart beat up as she loooked
between the vampire and the knife. Images flashed before her mind
and she furrowed her brow. He couldn't possibly care for her as she
had begun to feel she cared for him. If he did then how could he
have hurt her, even on request, even when it had been the only real
bit of violence he had with the implant in. He hadn't had any since
the demon force in her had been removed, so what was he going to be
like? Willow ran her index finger along the blade of the knife,
flinching only slightly as it sliced gently into her skin, just
pricking the surface. She rubbed her thumb and finger together, the
tiny speck of blod smearing into nothing as she rubbed it across her
hand. Tiny stabs of pain went through her, the kind a paper cut
made, and a strange jolt of peace broke like a wave upon her mind.
She closed her eyes as the images drew back, only to came again.

(The wood crashed down again, hitting her body with a squeemish
jolt. Her eyes closed as the pain coursed through her. Deserved
pain. Only in the throes of punishment could she feel free from the
guilt. Just for a moment, her mind was at peace. It didn't matter
that her body was on fire with the splintering heat of the crashing
wood. With her body feeling the pain, her mind was forced to stop.
Sticks and stones. Breaking bones. The swirling mist of a diseased
frame. Selfish guilt and self-indulgent rage. Self-fufilling
prophecy, self-destructive phase. Fetish. Masochist. Self, self,
self. At least for a moment it all became splintered, concentration
parted towards myriad patches of broken skin. Seeing the bruises
helped. Oh God it helped. Bruises could heal, would heal in front
of her very eyes. Behind her eyes everything stayed the same. No
movement, no change, just the consitent hum of self. The wood
slapped across her skin, and a tear of relief left her burning eyes.)

Willow swallowed as she looked into Spike's eyes. Slowly, she held a
hand out for the vampire, who just stood there looking at her
curiously, a stubborn expression painted across his beautiful face.
Willow moved closer, slipping her hand into his and pulling slightly,
never losing contact with his stone blue eyes. She towed him to the
couch and sat down, waiting for him to do the same. He stood for a
moment, before finally giving in. Willow reached out a tremulous
hand and ran her fingers lightly over the vampire's be-shirted
chest. Just above the place where his heart should have been
beating. Their eyes refusing to part. She dropped the knife
unconsciously on her lap as her other hand came up to help remove his
shirt. She dropped that on the floor with equal disinterest as her
eyes finally left his and trailed down his half-naked form. Spike's
eyes fluttered closed as both of Willow's hands made the slow journey
from the top of his shoulder's to the waist of his jeans. Her
fingers trailing softly over the relatively cold skin. Willow's face
crumpled just a little as she felt his skin under the palms of her
hand. She wondered if touching felt a lot like being touched. She'd
never been touched in any sort of intimate way since Oz. And that
was such a distorted memory in her demon ravaged brain. Without a
thought in her head she removed her hands from the vampires chest
and, fumbling a little, pulled her own top over her head. A strange
silence had infected the room with a tenuous hold. Nothing invaded
the house from the outside world, curtains closed and window boarded
up to prevent the sun's rays, and the street barely inhabited since
the Slayer had died and the vampire population had trebled. Willow
discarded her shirt along with her bra, the knife falling admist the
clothes momentarily forgotten, and looked back up at Spike, who was
watching her movements intently, with an almost sorrowful look in
fact. She didn't think, she just wanted to know what it felt like to
be touched, for a moment, before she was left alone. To be touched
in tenderness. She replaced her hands on the top of Spike's chest
and continued her examination of his pale white skin. She looked at
Spike through wide eyes, silently encouraging him to follow suit.
Spike waited for a moment to make sure he understood the look in her
eyes, before splaying one large hand across her breast plate and
slowly tracing down. Willow bit her lip as she tried to process what
the skin under his hand felt like. What her senses where trying to
impart. Fear and desire, pleasure and guilt merged into one
impenetrable clump. She shuddered slightly as Spike moved his other
hand to cup her breasts, before moving his fingers round to her back
and leaning forward, towards her lips. That simple movement broke
the spell and Willow turned her head away from him, withdrawing her
hands and bending down to retrieve her clothes. She hurried across
the room with her back to him, coughing nervously as she dressed.
Spike just sat there, breathing heavily as he turned his face to the
ceiling, rhythmically clenching and unclenching his fists. Willow
looked at the wall and counted to ten, clearing her eyes of the
brimming tears, before turning back round and deciding what she had
to do.
"I think we should do this outside." She said, trying to sound
brave. Spike narrowed his eyes as he looked at her. Willow
swallowed again, pursing her lips together in nervousness. "I think,
just to be....safe, that I should do the," Willow faltered as she
watched the vampire rise from the couch. "the uninviting spell
before...." There was a pause, in which the sound of two cat's
ferociously mating could be heard, as Spike glared at her with
evident pain, and an equally obvious glimmer of hate for her words.
He moved his head almost imperceptively, and Willow nodded in
response, nervously shuffling towards the stairs and darting to her
room to get the book. Spike's face contorted into frustrated anger
and he kicked out at the coffee table. Before it hit however the
crippling pain sliced through his brain, and he fell wailing onto the
couch. If it wasn't for the fact he couldn't even think through the
fog, as the mechanical device tore at his nervous system, he would
have chuckled at the fact he could beat a fragile girl senseless in
the pangs of unasked for and unwanted love, and yet couldn't kick a
cheap coffee table in a fit of pique. He heard Willow trotting down
the stairs. As the pain subsided Spike straightened himself out, his
mind revelling in the freedom he was about to gain.

Willow turned the knife round in her hand, changing the position she
held it, trying to think of the best way to proceed. She eventually
gripped it so that the blade pointed down, rather like she was about
to cut a particularly tough piece of steak. Spike looked down at the
terrified girl kneeling between his legs. He sat on a bench in the
Rosenberg back garden, the warm Autumn breeze pricling at his skin.
"Do you think you'll...do you think not having the chip will affect
the way you feel?" Willow murmered, looking at the patch of blue sky
just above his head.
"I don't know pet. Only one way to find out." Willow placed the
knife point above the place where his heart lay prominently
unbeating. One tear of pure fright rolled unnoticed down her cheek
as she slowly pushed down. Spike grabbed her hand, pinning it
against the knife now cutting into his chest. "best go inside after
its done luv." Willow glanced up at him, eyes wide in fear at not
knowing what will happen. "Just in case." Spike attempted to smile,
but ended up grunting as the knife cut through his flesh. Willow
paused, tears blurring her vision as she began to uncontrolably
sob. "Willow." Spike grolwed in agitation, the blade sliceing
painfully through his cold, once dead flesh. Willow's resolve face
flew down as she heard the pain in Spike's voice, and her grip on the
knife handle grew hard. All of a sudden she dug the blade in and
pulled down, causing the vampire to grip the bench, though he
adamantly refused to scream. "Okay, it's okay." Willow murmered
breathily as she quickly removed the steel and threw it on the grass
behind her. She dipped her fingers into the vampire's oozing flesh,
grimacing at the grunt's her patient made. All too quickly, though
it seemed to take years, her fingers brushed against something
metailc, man-made. She gripped her slippery fingers around the
object and, bracing herself, gave it one sharp tug. Everything
stopped as she kneeled on the ground and opened her bloody palm.
Admist the thick scarlet liquid lay a tiny piece of metal, rectanglar
in shape with a ridged covering. She glanced up at the vampire,
suddenly remembering what he had said. She looked deep into his eyes
to try and see something, she didn't quite know what but, something
to tell her it was okay. "Spike?" She said quietly, resting her
hands distractedly on his legs. She moved a hand to touch the wound
she'd created but a hand batted her fiercely away. Spike growled as
his game face dropped and his demon roared at its freedom for the
first time in almost two years.
"Get inside." He managed to snarl at the girl, who instantly
scampered away from him. He needed to feed. His demon wanted to
kill. And there was nothing he nor anybody else could do that would
stop him.

Willow darted through the door into th saftey of her home, shaking
from head to toe. She wiped the tears from her face, forgetting that
her hands were covered in blood, and almost cried out at the feel of
its slime on her delicate skin. She leaned against the doorframe and
watched Spike, listening to his feral howl. Her breathing caught in
her throat as the vampire moved his head like a jungle cat, looking
straight at her. He sloped over in careful, purposefully slow
strides. Willow refused to avert her eyes, instead searching his
demonic face for any semblance of him behind the demon. She thought
she saw a flicker of life, but she couldn't really be sure. After
two years without a kill she knew he would be fairly wild. At least
at first. At least she hoped at first. She prayed it would calm
down and she would get him back. Even though she didn't know what
she felt for him, and still hadn't worked out how to deal with his
delicate caress, she had grown more confident in attending to his own
desires, and knew that if they'd had a little more time she would
have got there. Spie grinned at her, allowing his tongue to dart out
under his protruding fangs and lick his lower lip. he stood inches
away from the invisible barrier, looking at the trembling girl. A
part of him wanted to comfort her, like he'd wanted to do non-stop
for a year, but the emotionless part was dominant now, and screaming
at him to depart. He fought it for a moment longer, as he traced his
finger over the barrier, as if he were really touching her brow.
Down her face and fingers turning so that the flats of his nails
caressed the length of her neck. or rather would have done if the
barrier wasn't there. Willow stood still, feeling his touch more now
than she ever had, burning a pattern across her skin. And then he
was gone, and she stumbled back wards. After a few minutes she
caught her paniced breathe, slammed the door shut and fumbled with
the lock. She checked all the locks and the windows before she flew
upstairs to her room and landed on her bed.

Spike had had over a century of practice to hone is hunting skills, a
couple of years off was little to him. He followed the young man as
he wandered down the dimly lit street. Smiling when he stopped to
tie his shoe. But he didn't strike then. He waited until the man
had put the key in his door, waited until the man felt the impending
safety of home, before seizing his shoulders and ripping into the
poor man's throat. Spike revelled in the blood gushing through the
wound, the taste of a human, warm and young and still alive. Though
not for long. He was soon drained, and Spike let the body fall on
its own doorstep as he walked away, ignoring the spark of
remembrance, the spark of seeming remorse knawing at his soul.
Vampire's didn't feel remorse. He didn't have a soul. He was just
hungry, in need of sleep, time for another kill. Spike shook his
head, trying to banish such thoughts from his mind, as he spotted
another happy meal.

Spike hadn't seen her in three days. And he was scared. And he
hated himself for being scared. Just think, William the Bloody
scared of a little red-haired mortal. He didn't quite know what to
say to her. He'd spent the three days after the removal of his damn
implant killing, draining, gorging on the life that had surrounded
him untouched for so long. His demon rejoicing at every soul he
took. But Spike had been forced to reach a part of himself that no
vampire ever usually had to find. The part of himself that was more
human than demon, more divinity than malign. And he hated it. He
felt stupid and worthless and abhorrent to his species at all that he
had done since being implanted. But he couldn't take solace in
humans, mere mortals, worthless as they were. Except Spike knew that
Willow wasn't worthless, at least not to him, he knew that if she
died then....then what? Spike shook himself out of such weakness,
angry at himself for having sunk so disgustingly low. He'd go and
see the damn chit, and do what he should have done when he first saw
her in the cemetery all those months ago.

Willow opened the door slowly, dusting off her impossibly dusty
skirt. In the few days that Spike had been gone Willow had consoled
herself in the wonder that is cleaning. What with Spike 'taking
care' of everything over the past year things had grown fairly dull
under the thick layers of dust and the decieving flicker of electric
lights. Only once had she really thought of hurting herself (for
once unleashed self never truly disappears, or so it seemed), but had
managed to distract herself by violently prying the boards off the
windows. All of the window's were now open, and clear, all except
one. The one which had lain in the wall of Spike's room was still
covered, Willow not having yet had the heart to intrude on his space,
even if it wasn't really his space anymore. She brushed a loose
strand of hair out of her eyes as she tried to focus on the vampire
in front of her. "Hello luv. You look a mess." Spike said in his
most appealing accent, flicking his eyes over her jean and small
cardiganed frame.
"Well I was cleaning." Willow blurted out before realising she was
saying anything at all. "Hmm....hey." She amended after an
excrutiating silence in which Spike just stared at her through
unfathomable eyes. She licked her dry lips and glanced nervously
around. "CAn you....you know, kill? I mean have you...."
"What do you think I've been doing for the past three days pet? I
certainly wasn't on the teddy bear's bloody picnic." Willow
pretended to laugh, though the confusion never left her face. "And
now your here." She observed.
"Looks that way." Spike's demon was raging at the desire flooding
through the vampire's frame. Not even the desire to shag or drain
the girl, just to hold and touch her and other nancy-boy stuff too
irritating for Spike to contemplate. He'd almost faltered when
commenting on her outfit, as his cock sprang eagerly to life in his
jeans. just at the sight of her! "Bloody hell." Spike suddenly
murmered, before realising he'd spoken out loud. Willow looked at
him curiously, causing Spike to attempt a smile which utterly failed
to surface. he let out an irritated breatheand finally let his
shoulders drop. "Look, I'm sorry pet, its just....I just wanted to
bloody see you okay? happy now, you've turned me into my bloody
sire." He grumbled, looking at the ground. A smile broke upon
Willow's face that was a joy to behold, unless of course you were the
demon infecting the body of William, who staggered at such blatant
disrespect. Wilow's smile suddenly crumpled into a look of intense
concentration.
"If I invite you in, will you kill me?" Willow asked simply, in a
strong, clear tone. Spike did a double take, slightly taken aback by
the simplicity of the request. He thought for a moment. Would he
kill her? Could he kill her? Did he care?
"No." Spike finally said, his voice decidedly firm. "But I would
really rather have a walk." Willow's smile broadened.
"Oh, okay" She said eagerly, grabbing the keys before stepping
outside. They walked in silence for a long time. Willow was
revelling in being out at night, a rare treat for anyone who wasn't
on non-biting terms with vampire's. Willow shuddered at the thought,
remembering that she no longer knew on what, if any, terms their
relationship stood. "What are you going to do now?" Willow sighed
into the night, catching the vampire off guard.
"Huh? Oh, hmm, I don't know really." He pretended to yawn. "Too
busy enjoying myself." he grinned through Willow's scowl.
"No, of course, I was just hmm, I was just wondering if you'd be
going to find....Drusialla again." She muttered, watching the
shifting grey of the sidewalk as her trainers scampered past.
Spike's demon roared, and his body visably flinched, at the use of
his princess's name.
"As I said pet. Don't know do I." he asnswered stiffly, refusing to
look at the girl. Willow tried to hold back the flood of boiling oil
which poured into her guts at his hastily concocted words. She
decided she'd have to end this ridiculousness, or pay even more
dearly for her folly in having fallen in love with a vampire. fallen
in love? She tried to ignore that feeling, as she let anger take its
turn.
"Well, okay, then. I should be getting back, I suppose. Bed-time
for me, and all." Willow murmered, glancing quickly around. They
were, unsurprisingly, in one of the numerable graveyards in the ill-
fated town of Sunnydale. This one was old and rarely visited, filled
with lumps of stone dedicated to the parents of her their childrens
parents, or people as old as Spike. A few knarled tree's stood
stoically against the gloom, and disrespectful weeds crawled over the
rotting tomb's. Willow suddenly noticed their surroundings, not
realising how far or where they'd walked, and instantly kicked
herself for being so slow. Did Spike know? Did he have a plan?
Because if he did, Willow thought, she was in very deep trouble.
At Spike's persistent silence Willow sighed, and turned to leave.
"Stay." The vampire commanded, leaning casually against a tree.
Willow turned slowly around, bitting her lip. Only once before had
she got herself into such an overtly dangerous position, and that was
the night Buffy had first saved her life. There was no Buffy now, no
Xander, no Giles. Just her and her unthinking, too busy feeling,
mind. She stood in the murky cemetery, chewing softly on her lip.

Spike didn't know what the hell he was doing. But he knew he had to
figure out what he wanted, and pretty damn fast. If he could just
temper his demon enough to be civil to the girl. But his demon had
gleaned strength from it's submission over so long, and refused to be
still. He fumbled for his smokes, lighting one as he watched the red-
head bite on her lip, as if trying to tantalise him. Or so Spike the
demon thought.
"A vampire in love with a human eh." Spike chuckled
hollowly. "haven't seen anything so bloody pathetic since that Buffy-
whipped ass of my sire." he shook his head, laughing in the
ridiculousness of the predicament.
"Oldest story in the book some say." Willow said bravely. remaining
a few feet from the tree where Spike stood. "And in my experience
its always the vampire that ends up the worst off." She bluffed,
trying to hide the shake in her voice. Spike laughed out-right at
that.
"maybe with guilt-ridden bloody poof's luv." Spike grinned. There
was a pause.
"I think maybe you should leave Sunnydale. before....before anything
bad happens. But thats not to say i don't really appreciate what you
did, have done, and everything. And I'm sorry for....I don't know,
stringing you along or whatever." She shrugged a little
hopelessly. "I was getting better at the touching thing. I just
needed...."
"A human?" Spike grunted, rolling his eyes in disgust. Willow's
face crumpled.
"No, of, of course not. I mean how can you....well it doesn't matter
anymore. i think you should go....I should go. thank you Spike, for
all that you've done." their eyes caught before she quickly turned
around. Stopping a few paces off she spoke into the unanswering
night. "I think you should go and find Drusiala. i mean, she's the
one you love. the one you've always wanted." She swallowed and
continued her quickening pace.

Spike threw the cigarette violently to the floor, disgusted by his
shaking hands as he felt Willow's presence start to fade. He hit the
back of his head roughly against the tree, mumbling incoherantly
about what an idiot he was scratching his palms ditractedly against
the rough bark of the tree. Dru? Why had she mentioned Dru? Spike
couldn't even think of her when faced with the thought of losing his
red. His red? If he killed her she wouldn't be a human anymore. he
could turn her, make her his new mate and all this would be over. He
breathed deeply a couple of times, reflexively drawing oxygen into
his cold lungs.His demon's roar grew deafening in his ears as he his
hands gripped at the tree trunk. if he waited much longer he would
never get the chance to turn her again. His game face dropped, he
couldn't think anymore. The mist came down and his demon broke
free. Leaving Spike free to drift in the darkness, as his demon took
just another paltry soul.

Willow stopped pacing suddenly, hearing the distinct sounds of
movement on the damp grass behind. She began on her way again, a
little quicker, hoping Spike would make sure she got home safe if she
was attacked. She'd have to be storng, thats all, it was about time
really, she thought. On her own, she could start her life again.
Uncomplicated and clean. No more sexy vampire's, no more guilt, no
more self. She could try and get back into college, lets face it her
grades had always been rather more than good. Then she heard the
breathless voice from somewhere close behind.
"Red! Willow. Wait!" Willow turned at the familiar nickname,
hoping Spike just wanted to leave on friendly terms, that she would
make it home alive. She saw a figure moving in the darkness and
instantly knew that it was him.
"Spike." She stated into the cool night air. Spike kept coming
closer until he gripped her by the arms. She tried to move back but
he wouldn't let her. that was the first alarm.
"You can't leave me. Nobody leaves me!" Spike delivered a sharp
slap to the side of her cheek, half shouting, half raving through his
strangely laboured breathe. Willow watched the yellow flicker
unchecked in the vampire's eye.
"Spike. Don't do this." A grin appeared on his currently malevolent
face.
"Do what?" He chuckled, pulling Willow's protesting body closer to
his own.
"Spike, you can control your demon, I know you can. Its just, its
just its really hard and you have to try." She didn't really know
what she was saying, just hoped some of it made some kind os sense.
"You bet its hard, luv." he prnounced the affectionate name like a
threat, giving her body a hard shake as it lay at his mercy,
trembling in his arms. "I've had to watch you get yourself off for
months. Bloody months, without touching you, without sinking my cock
into your dripping, eager as fuck pussy. You wanted it so badly I
could almost taste your beautiful cum." Spike breathed in, nuzzling
his nose against the crook of her neck. "But you were always a
masochistic little saint. having to suffer, deny your needs. Oh
what's wrong my little princess? I thought you liked it rough." He
he roughly nibbled at her jaw, licking the blood away almost before
it had even been drawn. He chuckled as he thrust himself into her
frightened frame.
"Spike! you have to try." Willow yelled at the top of her voice,
closing her eyes, her mouth now inches from his ears. She wouldn't
believe this was Spike, or at least the Spike she knew. This was a
corrupted version, an unbridled, unchained, uncontrollable Spike. So
not good. She cursed herself once more for getting herself into this
situation, and started a mammouth struggle against her captor, taking
him off-guard, and belted into the night as fast as she could.
Spike's surprise at her attack was no small matter, angering his
worst hunting instincts into a fervour of bloody adrenaline and
twisted fun. He took off after his newly found prey, thoughts of
remorse and forgiveness swimming hoplessly, for the moment lost in
the darkness pervading his mind.

Spike paced the room, running his hands intemittently through his
bleached hair and scuffing the ground with the toes of his thick
leather boots. He was thinking again, but he couldn't figure out if
that was a good thing or a bad. His hated humanity, or whatever the
hell it was, had surfaced an hour or two ago, and hadn't stopped
nagging him since. He glanced over at the unconscious form chained
to the bedposts and let out a strangled groan. He had hit Wilow.
Threatened her, forced her to invite him in, told her what he'd
wanted to do to her all these many months. Not everything, but
enough to send jets of bile rushing to his throat whenever he caught
sight of her blatantly red main. But no, his demon asserted, he was
a vampire, remorse was beyond him and whatever pansy rubbish he'd had
to do to keep alive whilst the implant had controlled his frame was
all past. It mean't nothing in how he chose to enjoy his immortal
life now. He should just turn the witch. But every time he smelt
the sweet nectar of her neck his mind throttled his demon and refused
to come out and play. It was easy having an uncontrollable presence
in you if it was indeed uncontrollable, and thats why Angelus had
always been so damn smug. Spike's demon seemed to be something of a
misfit, well suited to his host perhaps, but none the less annoying
for all of that. Spike had a certain measure of power over his
demon, and this could make him weaker than the basest filth in Hell.
But it also allowed him emotions, affections, love, control. Or so
he had thought. Spike wiped his hand across his face as he housed
his internal war.

Willow's eyes blinked open and a sigh of relief rushed out. She was
in her room, in her own room, alive and fine. Then she tried to
move. Okay, not totally fine, what with being chained to the bed and
all, but finer than she could have been. Willow tried to think happy
thoughts as she heard the floorboards of the stairs creak.

Spike's game face slipped into place as he smelt the fear, raging
through his senses, awakening long-instilled urges, to kill and hurt
and sting. He let the door glide open and noislessly hit the wall as
he leaned casually in the doorframe, eyeing his prey. He hadn't fed
in over ten hours and could barely hear himself think over the hum of
her insistent pulse. He swallowed as he saw the bruises lining the
girls face, his human facade slipping back over his demon brow.
"I...." He sighed, getting rid of the pallor in his voice before he
continued. "I made you some food earlier." Willow watched the
vampire walk to her dresser and pick up a plate of roughly made
sandwiches and a glass of milk. She eyed him warily as he crossed
the floor and sat gently on the bed. He picked up a sandwich and
broke off a section of crust, raising it carefully to her mouth. She
hesitated. Spike didn't move, just held the morsal of bread before
her lips and waited for her to eat. Willow, knowing stubborness was
not the way to go and feeling the pangs of hunger from her injuries
and fear, ate. Her eyes never left Spike as he fed her, then raised
the glass of milk to her dry, thirsting lips. He switched hands so
that he could cradle her head as she drank deeper, causing Willow to
tighten her muscles in fright. He softly stroked the back of her
hair however, not moving until she had visably relaxed. She watched
him silently as he retraced his steps to put the now the empty
utensils aside. While his back was turned her courage broke free
enough to speak.
"What do you want?" She cursed herself for the tremor in her voice,
but stood her ground. Spike's thumb traced around the top of the
glass for a moment. He honestly did not know what to say.
"I don't know pet." He finally shrugged, moving back towards the
bed. Willow blinked in disbelief.
"You don't know?" She said, her voice raising in overwheleming
annoyance. "You don't know!" Then she looked at his utterly lost
face and sighed. "Spike, its okay, really it is. I know it must be
really hard trying to adjust, but...." She saw the flicker in
Spike's eyes and mistook it for hope. The vampire's ire rose. "If
you could just let me go." Spike was silent for a long while before
he sniffed in a lungful of air and ran a finger up her arm.
"Don't patronise me luv, or I may just have to teach you to hold your
tongue." His words were uttered in a deep confident tone, but Willow
shook her head as she saw Spike's eyes flicker a paler blue.
"Fine. Oh grand and masterful vampire." She sighed, deciding to try
a different route. "What do you want?" Spike froze for a second
before his head started to move, imperceptively at first but growing
to a full blown jerk.
"I don't know, okay! I don't bloody know anymore. I get, I've got
what I want. No more stupid chip in my brain, and I could go after
Dru, as you never seem to stop reminding me. But I don't." He had
been talking to the wall, but now he swung himself around so he was
facing the girl. "And you know why?" He burst into a fit of hollow,
lifeless chuckles. "Because I got lumbered taking care of you. You
stupid, annoying bloody damn bint. And I ." His fingers ripped
harmlessly at the bed-sheets as his face turned exasperated to the
sky. "All she had to do was stay you know, or better than that never
have bloody made him go in the first place. Then I get over it, more
or less, and what do I do but walk right into another bloody trap!"
His voice was spiralling dangerously out of control, and Willow tried
to shift herself away from his flayling arms. This futile attempt to
escape only seemed to push him over the edge. He swung his leg over
to straddle the squirming girl, moving his hands to tightly cup her
cheeks. "What did you do hey? Was it a spell, is that it? Some
bloody witch thing to make me fall for a mousey little bitch like
you!" He was yelling now, his thumbs tracing a strangely comforting,
if brutal, pattern over her skin. "Its just some great big fucking
joke to you isnt it? To them. I bet they're laughing about this
now. Bloody stupid mendling prick! He probably got to you as
well." He was raving now, his hands moving down to grip her
shoulders and shake her body under his. "is that why you didn't want
him here, might get embarressed next to an old lover?"
"Who are you talk - "
"Shut up!" He cut her off with a sharp blow to her face.
"Its your fault, you're the one who couldn't cope with the loss of
the Slayer and your little scooby group. Try and fight a demon ten
times more of a match than you. Stupid bloody bint! You could've
been killed, you know that. And then you won't let me leave when I
know its right. And then you go into a bloody cemetery with a
souless demon. I mean for God's sake woman. Are you out of your
raving little mind?" Spike's head was now inches from her face, his
hands digging into the flesh of her shoulders, rubbing back and forth
ever closer to her chest. "Do you want to die, is that it? Do you
really want me to rip that fragile little throat out and feast on
your heart? You stupid bloody...." Spike's eyes flickered yellow as
his hands moved onced again, undoing his zipper in one frantic
stroke. "You wouldn't even touch me. Just like him. Couldn't touch
Spike. He's gutter rat garbage bloody trash!" He pushed down on
Willow's body with his large, shaking hands. Willow watched in sudued
sorrow as the vampire's cheeks were quickly stained with tears. Hot
angry unrelenting salt tears. She was scared, God she was scared,
but she also wanted to comfort this poor wretch of a man. Like he
had comforted her the only way he could. She understood now, he had
taken the only course she had allowed him in order to comfort her no
matter how much it hurt him inside, and she knew now that she would
do exactly the same. A strange calm came over her, and she held back
the panic tightening in her stomach, as she breathed in deeply and
managed to catch the vampire's wildly flashing eyes. She was glad
she'd taken that drama course now, as she mustered up a look of
desire to hide the need to run.
"Spike." She whispered softly, knowing the demon would hear. "I
want you. Isn't that enough? I need you Spike." Spike looked up
suddenly, just having finished unbuttoning his pants. He scowled at
the girl for a moment, searching for the truth in her eyes. Willow's
resolve face shone through, as she slowly slid a trembling leg up to
stroke Spike's calf.
"What?" Spike said, a mixture of anger and disbelief in his tone as
he buried his hands under her neck, holding her head in a tight
grasp. Willow saw that it was working and this gave her courage to
go on.
"Touch me." She breathed in as calm a voice as she could, as her
insides screamed in protest at the quickened stride. Spike's game
face fell away, leaving a shocked, rather pathetic looking Spike
behind. Love surged through her viens as Willow looked at him, and
knew that she would do this, and do it solely for him. It was time
to abandon her foolish self for good. Spike had frozen, his mind
running her words over and over in his raging mind. He let tears
fall onto the tangled sheets for a moment, before bending down and
pressing his thin lips to her own. Spike ran a tongue gently over
the edge of her lips, and Willow opened her mouth in acquiesence. He
sighed, his hands fervantly stroking her matted hair. He moved his
lips to her face and her neck, reverantly kissing the pale skin.
Willow closed her eyes. He sat up on his knee's once more and tore
her shirt from her petrified frame. He just looked, for so long
Willow thought she wouldn't be able to stand it anymore. Then he
gently sank down and began to kiss her breasts and stomach, before
moving back up. Willow felt the remainders of his tears mix with
saliva on her skin. An image of a sleek cat walking across a lawn
shot dazedly through her mind. Spike ripped at her cotton underwear,
ripping the seams and scarring the skin underneath. And yet when he
guided his erection to her relatively dry passage he thrust with such
a gentle care that Willow was sorry she wasn't enjoying it more.
Sorry for the tears of pain his intrusion into her had caused. Yet
she wanted to do this for him. It was no longer about her. Spike
closed his eyes in wonder as his cock was taken by her hot, wet
cunt. His thrusts became more emphatic as he lost himself to the
feelings he had too long denied himself. Beyond words, beyond
feeling, beyond pleasure and pain. He allowed himself to be
enveloped by her infectious warmth, softly whispering her name. He
came in sudden bursts which made Willow hold her breathe as she felt
the sticky coldness merge with her warmth. She refused to cry
however, it was his turn to weep, and she even managed a stifled
smile when he kissed her tenderly, and manouvered off of her to spoon
against her side. Willow listened to the vampire's breathing finally
even out and grow dim, before she let out a tiny wimpered sigh.
 

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