Summary: Willow and Spike Run into eachother in London. Very AU *Set after season six*
Author's note: this starts out as a friendship,but turns into something more
Pairing: Willow/Spike
Genres: Alternate Universe, romance, Angst, Friendship
Rating: R
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are owned by Joss Whedon and his people.
I just want to thank my beta Reader emmy for helping me :)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~Part: 1~
Willow laid there staring at the ceiling as she listened to him silently cry. She knew he was grieving, suffering, full of guilt. Guilt for All of the things done. All of the lives he's destroyed. She felt he own tears begin to fall as sh thought about all she's done. She allowed the darkness to take her over, killed a man, almost killed her friends. She tried to destroy the world, put so much pain into everone's lives. Giles helped her deal with her powers, to get them under control. They both knew it was up to her to do that ,and Giles wasn't surprised when she made the decision not to return to Sunnydale just yet. she wasn't ready to see anyone and she needed time to heal.
She'd been in England for six months now, and had no plans to return to Sunnydale. She sat up and got out of bed. Quietly she tiptoed to their living room, where he sat in the dark. "Spike?" She whispered quietly.
"Sod Off.." She heard him whisper in a strained voice.
She walked further into the room, ignoring his weak request. She grabbed his hand in hers. "Lets go to bed." She whispered and he stood up.
"I'm sorry," He whispered, following her into her bedroom.
She smiled and gently pushed him onto the bed to sit down. "I know," She said while helping him out of his clothes.
She climbed into bed and pulled him on top of her, as he began to shake with quiet sobs. "Shh..its ok baby'I've got you. I'm here." She whispered.
He held a death grip on her waist, and buried his face into her t-shirt, while his sobs finally broke loose. "Shh, its ok." She grimaced a bit as his arms tightened around her, but she said nothing, he needed this closeness. He'd been here longer than she have, ever since he came back from Africa. She slowly stroked his hair and back as his sobs quieted down to sniffles, her thoughts drifted back to when they first ran each other.
2 months earlier
Willow rushed through the streets of London in a hurry. She had to be back by nine in time to have her nightly tea and talk with Giles. She had been in England for two months now, working with the Coven, and Giles to control her powers. She sighed, When Giles took her away to England after what happened, she had barely come out of her room, Only when she had to meet with the Coven and to have her sessions with Giles. She would spend her nights in her room, crying over guilt and pain she felt, over everything. After three weeks, she began to feel smothered and with encouragement from Giles, she made the choice to finally get out of the house. She toured London, walked around for hours, anything to keep her mind off of what happened.
She quickened her pace as she saw she only had twenty minutes to get home. Not watching where she was running, she bumped into someone's hard chest, making her fall onto the floor with a hard thud. She looked up a bit startled, and her eyes widened. "Watch where you're....Red?" He whispered in surprise.
"Spike?" She said, just as surprised as he. She stared at him for a moment, noticing difference in his physical appearance. His hair once bleached blonde, now was sandy brown with blonde highlights. He wore a dark blue jean jacket, instead of his usual black leather duster. His eyes held a softness she's never seen in them before. He helped her up and she just stared at him as she dusted herself off. The silence was awkward, both of them still not shaking the surprise of seeing echo her. "I'm sorry for bumping into you that way, I wasn't..."
"Its quite alright." He said, cutting her off.
She nodded and noted that he seemed to be so interested in his shoes. "Well, I..I better get going. It was nice seeing you." She said and turned to go.
"Willow...were you in a hurry?" He asked in a quiet tone, and she turned to face him when she noticed the slight desperation in his voice.
She noted with certainty their was a sad look in his eyes. "Not really," She lied for reasons she didn't know.
They stared at each other for, more awkward silence coming over them once more. "I was on my way to my apartment," "I better go," he said turning and walking in the other direction, head hung low, shoulders hunched, hands shoved into his pockets.
Willow felt a rush run through her as she saw him. Seeing someone from her past had brought something out of her. A feeling she didn't understand, but she knew she couldn't let him walk away like this. "Spike!" She heard her voice call as she started walking over to him. "Do you need company?"
He stared at her, and she could see the question in his eyes. She had no answer, none at all, as to why she wanted to join him. She knew what he was, what he had tried to do to Buffy, but she had no room to judge, not anymore anyway.
He shrugged, and began walking, looking over his shoulder to make sure she was following, surprised at the relief he felt that she was.
Willow didn't know what she was doing, he could be walking her to her own death for all she knew, but something old her that he wasn't, something told her that she could trust him. They walked for fifteen minutes, and willow noticed they weren't in the nice part of London anymore. They stopped in front of a shabby building and he opened the door.
They walked up a narrow flight of stairs, until they reached the second floor. 'He sure is quiet,' Willow thought to herself as they walked down a hallway.
Finally reaching the end of the hall, He stopped and unlocked a door. "Its not much." He muttered out loud, and she briefly wondered why he even cared what she thought.
She looked around noting the apartment was sparsely decorated, only seeing a chair, couch, and table with an old looking television sitting on top of it. "Do you want something to drink? Tea? Water..." He trailed off.
"Tea would be nice." She said, and he quickly went to work.
She sat down on the couch and folded her hands on her lap. As he moved around the kitchen, she took the time to look around. She noticed the many empty bottles of liquor and beer on the counter and in the garbage.
"Here you go," he said handing her the cup. Willow stared at him strangely. He was acting so different, so unlike Spike. The way he was looking at her, the way he moved. He no longer had that confident stride of his. That mocking smirk of his was now gone. The cockiness in his eyes was now replaced by vulnerable sad ones. This was weird, strange. She sipped her tea, observing him quietly, watching as he shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. "What brings you to England?" He asked and she sighed looking down into her lap.
"I needed to be fixed." She answered, and he nodded.
"You had a relapse then?" He asked , and she became a bit angry at the question.
"No!...well yes." She admitted, and he nodded.
"Tara here with you then?"He asked and her face fell.
"She's dead."
He flinched inwardly and he felt himself feel with sorrow. "Red...I'm..."
She put her hand up. "Don't ok. Don't even pretend you care because we both know you really don't." She sighed, ignoring the hurt look that crossed his face. "I don't even know why I came here. I guess seeing you made me feel, different. Like old Willow. Sweet old willow, but I don't and I'm not. I'm just a killer!"
Spike sat there a little surprised, surely she hadn't killed Tara. "Willow?"
She sat down, and put her hands to her face. "He Killed her, and I was so angry, in such a dark place afterwards! I killed him," She was crying now, and Spike sat there, not quite knowing what to do. He stood up, and awkwardly grabbed her in his arms.
He gently rubbed her back in small circles. "Its ok," he said quietly, but she pushed him away from her.
"I need a drink!" She said moving toward the kitchen. She opened the cabinet, seeing nothing but bottles of liquor.
"Spike?" She trailed off as he came beside her.
"Drinking has been a new sport of mine." He said as he took three bottles down, along with two glasses.
One bottle later, there sat an almost drunk Spike and a very drunk Willow sat at the table. "I think you've had enough Red." He said as she reached for the second bottle.
She glared at him. "Since when do I listen to you, and since when did you start caring?"
He ignored her question and took the bottle from her hands.
"Why are you like this?"She asked suddenly.
"Like what?" he sighed.
"Like this...all nice and non Spike-like."
He smiled ruefully. "Gone and got myself a soul."
Willow's eyes widened a bit. "Why?" she asked and his face turned serious.
"I ask myself that everyday, even though I know the answer, still I ask." "What about you? who'd you do in?"
She tried to laugh, but it came out wrong. "Warren killed Tara, I killed him, tried to end the world with my powers. The usual."
They sat staring at each other for a long moment, then they both began to laugh. It was a loud strange drunken laugh. Willow grabbed her stomach as it started to hurt. Her head hurt, her heart hurt, everything hurt. She started to cry. Spike sobered and immediately was at her side. She sobbed into his shirt. "Oh god! She's gone! She's really gone! I was better, and we were together."
He patted her back gently, words of comfort spilling from his lips. "Shh, its ok." he whispered ,but she pulled back shaking her head.
"Its not ok, I'm not ok. I tried to kill my friends, I tried to kill everyone! I was in such a dark place, so lost! " She was becoming hysterical now, "Oh god, she loved me. Me. And I left her there, I didn't even say goodbye to her. It should've been me, I just want to die!"
He shook his head grabbing her in his arms again. "None of that talk, Red. You don't deserve to die."
She pulled out of his grasp wiping her tears angrily. "I don't deserve to live either. I'm nothing without her. I just want to forget."
Her eyes stared in his own. Her hand stroked down his face. "Make me forget Spike. .please." She whispered, now pressing her lips against his.
His body stilled at her actions, and he wasn't kissing back. She put her hands on his face. "Please, spike make me forget." She pleased, pushing her body against his. "Lets go to bed?" She whispered seductively.
He sighed grabbing her arms from around him. "You're drunk Willow."
She laughed. "Don't I know it...please." She pleaded again. He shook his head, and grabbed her wrist as she tried to hug him again "I sound pathetic don't I?" She asked still advancing on him. He ignored her and helped her toward his bedroom.
He sat on her his bed and took her shoes off. "Are we going to fuck?" She asked harshly.
He looked up at her. "You need to sleep that alcohol off luv.
She shook her head and stood up, grabbing his hands she pulled him to his feet as well. "Don't you want this?" She asked pulling his shirt out of his pants.
He grabbed her hands and shook his head. "No....I don't want this, neither do you."
She laughed and pushed him away. "You don't know shit! So don't tell me what I want you Freak! Thats what you are spike, a dead, cold Freak!"
She bent down and picked up her shoes and turned to go. He began to giggle and she looked at him strangely. He was sitting on the bed, his hands covering his face. "Spike...whats so..."
She trailed off as his laughter turned to sobs. She stared at him for a long moment, guilt flooding her as what she said to him came back at her. She kneeled in front of him. "I'm sorry. Please stop. I didn't mean it."
He shook his head violently. "It's the truth, I'm a bloody monster!" He began to shake as she touched his shoulder. "So many children. Mothers and fathers. Hundreds of families, all gone, by my hand! It hurts so bad, it fucking burns, and I want to tear it out of my body!"He moaned helplessly.
Willow grabbed him up in her arms, not expecting this type of outburst from someone like Spike. But he wasn't Spike anymore. He was someone else now. "Shh. Just let it out." She whispered as his sobs grew louder.
She held him for what seemed like forever, and eventually he quieted down. He pulled away from her, wiping his eyes and sniffing loudly.
"Look at me, a sniveling cry baby. Gone and just made an ass outta myself."
She just smiled weakly at him. "It's the liquor." She said quietly then looked down. "You aren't the only one who made an ass out of themselves."
He laughed softly and nodded. "You're right. I suppose you'll want to go now..."
She stared at him for a long moment. Looking at Spike, this new Spike, made her realize something. They both had done terrible things, both her in so much pain right now. They both were hanging on the edge, and were about to fall off. Knowing these reasons, she knew now they both needed help, they both needed to save each other. "No," she whispered resting her hand on his. "I'm not going anywhere."
next | back