________________________________________________________________________

~Part 1~ Living a Nightmare

Spike rolled off his casket and stretched, another fun-filled night of
mugging idiots awaited him. He’d give anything to be able to hunt and kill
like a proper vampire again.

He stepped out of the crypt and came face to face with a dark skinned man in
military fatigues. “Bloody Hell!” Spike exclaimed stepping back from the
commando.

“Hostile 17,” the man said grinning cruelly. “We’ve been looking for you.”

“I’m not a lab rat,” Spike snarled, balanced on the balls of his feet ready
to jump in any direction, but his first ill-considered reaction had cornered
him in the crypt’s entrance. “Call me by my name, I’m Spike, not
Hostile-bloody-17.”

“Not anymore,” the commando replied. “You’re just some science-nerd’s pet
project now. Maybe if you get luckily they’ll get bored of running tests on
you in a decade or so and destroy you. That’s the only way you’ll ever see
the outside of a cage again.”

“He have one shot, one chance,” Spike thought. “One blow before the chip
kicked in. If he could disable this jack-ass, he might make it.”

Spike put everything he had into one punch, but the pain exploded in his
head before he even connected. The blow glanced off the commando’s
shoulder, and Spike clutched his head, wondering if his brains were melting,
leaking out of his ears, cause that’s what it felt like.

The commando rubbed his bruised shoulder. “You’ll pay for that,” he said,
smashing the butt of his tazar into Spike’s already aching head.

The blond vampire fell to the ground and the commando kicked him viciously
in the side.

“Bet you’re the wanker what busted my telly,” Spike groaned, making it to
his knees before the tazar smashed into his face again.

“Maybe the bastard didn’t remember how to kill a vampire,” Spike thought
darkly as the soldier-type kept raining blows on him.

“Hey!” What are you doing?” a familiar voice demanded. The Slayer’s pet
witch, Spike realized as he slid into unconsciousness.

“Get lost,” the commando ordered. “Don’t you know it’s not safe to be out
after dark?”

Willow glanced from the commando to the blond vampire lying in a bloody heap
on the ground. “That’s just sick,” she said in disgust. “I don’t care that
he is a demon, you know he’s harmless. That’s just wrong.”

“You know an awful lot about the HST,” the commando said. “What are you,
another one of them or just in league with them?”

Willow flinched as he pointed his tazar rifle at her. “The Slayer won’t
like it if you hurt me.” Willow warned loudly.

“I don’t give a damn about what Finn’s little girlfriend likes or doesn’t
like,” the man said. “I’m not scared of her.”

“I can fix that,” Buffy said kicking the weapon out of his hands.

“Bitch,” he snarled. “Walsh was right to want you dead.”

“Stand down Forrest!” Riley yelled, breaking into the clearing.

“Your girl and her little friend are protecting a hostile, what do you think
of that Agent Finn?” Forrest asked.

“I think you’re out of control, Forrest.” Riley said. “You were pointing a
weapon at a civilian, for God’s sake!”

“She was interfering!” Forrest exclaimed.

“With you pounding an HST into paste, after it was down,” Riley said. “Our
mission was to capture Hostile 17, not mutilate him. You don’t treat
anything moving like that! Have you lost your mind?”

“Or are you just a closet sadist?” Buffy asked glaring at Forrest.

“What do you do? Love ‘em to death?” Forrest asked sarcastically.

“I kill them,” Buffy said. “Cleanly. I don’t torture them.”

“You’re a real saint,” Forrest sneered.

“I bet you used to pull the legs off of spiders when you were a kid,” Buffy
said. “It’s the first sign of a psychotic personality you know.”

“Buffy enough!” Riley barked. “Forrest, go back to base, cool off. You’re
not fit to patrol right now.”

“All right Finn, but I’m reporting this to the General, so you sure as well
better bring back the Hostile,” Forrest threatened kicking Spike one last
time before storming off into the night.

“We’re not giving Spike back to the Initiative,” Willow said firmly, as she
carefully rolled Spike on to his back. The slight vampire was a welter of
cuts and bruises.

“Forrest went to far, but that’s still a vampire Buffy,” Riley pointed out.

“Except I know him,” Buffy said. “Sure he’s evil, but he’s harmless now,
helpless really. I can’t just let you take him back there. It doesn’t make
sense, not even to me, but I know him. Spike’s funny, he has these weird
little quirks, like being addicted to bad soap operas and eating cereal with
his blood. He understands people really well and he hurt when his
girlfriend left him. Spike’s a person, you can’t lock him in a cage and
experiment on him.”

“If he ever gets rid of the chip I’ll probably have to kill him, but I can’t
do it in cold blood. I can’t, not when he can’t fight back and I can’t let
you give him back to the Initiative either,” Buffy finished.

“All right,” Riley sighed. “I’m not going to fight with you over him, he’s
not worth it. I’ll tell the General there were too many people around
campus and I couldn’t get him back without being spotted so I staked him.
That should keep me for being court-martialed over this.”

~Part 2~ Waking to Pain

“How did he come to be injured?” Giles asked as he finished bandaging Spike,
who was still unconscious.

“Forrest cornered him,” Riley answered grimly.

“One of Riley’s Initiative friends,” Willow supplied angrily.

“I find that extremely disconcerting. Spike suffered a number of broken
ribs, his skull’s fractured in at least two places, his jaw’s broken and
from the swelling in his abdomen I imagine he’s bleeding internally. If he
were human he could have easily been killed,” Giles said.

“Forrest knew he was dealing with a vampire, he wouldn’t do something like
that to a human,” Riley justified.

“I still find this level of brutality disturbing,” Giles said. “How long
has he been out?”

“Since we found him, at least twenty minutes,” Buffy answered.

“I suppose we could call Angel for advice if he doesn’t come around soon,”
Giles said, thinking out loud. “Also we should get some blood. Once he
wakes up he’ll have to feed.”

“I’ll go,” Buffy volunteered. “Being here is too weird.”

“I’d better go make my report,” Riley said, leaving with Buffy.

Giles fixed tea for himself and Willow as they waited for the blond vampire
to awaken.

After a time Spike began moaning softly, Willow knelt beside him. “Shh.
You’re safe,” she murmured soothingly, taking his hand.

Spike’s eyes slit open, they were a muddy yellow color, neither the glowing
gold of the demon or the clear blue of the human. “Hurts,” he whimpered.

Willow’s mouth tightened and her eyes turned sad. “I know, I’m sorry
Spike,” she brushed a strand of peroxided hair off his forehead, “I’m sorry
I didn’t get there in time to stop him from hurting you.”

“You’re always so nice,” Spike sighed. “Even to me.”

“Willow blushed, “It’s just I don’t like when people hurt.”

The door burst open as Buffy returned. Spike clutched Willow’s hand more
tightly cringing toward her.

“Straight from the butcher’s,” Buffy announced, gingerly holding a plastic
bag at arms length.

“Oh good, could you warm it up?” Willow asked.

“Eew!” Buffy exclaimed, wrinkling her nose.

“How did you ever deal with nursing Angel?” Willow sighed, “It’s just pig’s
blood.”

Buffy shifted awkwardly, “Angel thought it was gross. He never fed when I
was there, not even when he was recovering from Hell. I’d just drop the
stuff off and he’d eat after I left.”

“Okay, I’ll take care of it,” Willow groaned, wiggling her fingers to get
Spike to release her hand. The blond whimpered and tightened his grip till
Willow felt her bones grinding together. His eyes were wide and blank with
terror.

“Spike?” Willow asked, alarmed. “Come on Spike, snap out of it.”

“What’s wrong with him?” Buffy asked.

“It’s like a panic attack or something,” Willow said. “You’re safe Spike.
It was just Buffy. No one’s going to hurt you.” As she spoke Willow
stroked Spike’s arm as if to calm a skittish colt.

After a few minutes Spike’s eyes blinked and focused blearily on Willow.
“No soldiers?” he asked.

“Just Buffy,” Willow replied. “She brought your dinner.”

“They aren’t here for me?” Spike demanded.

“Riley’s going to tell them he killed you, you’ll be safe,” Willow promised.

“I just… I was so scared…” Spike stammered. “I couldn’t think… The door… I
thought they were here… They already took being a vampire away from me…. I
won’t have anything left if they take me back… I can’t go back… I’m, I’m
scared… I don’t like it… It’s wrong… It hurts… Master vampires aren’t
scared… What am I?”

“Shh, it’ll be okay,” Willow whispered.

“Promise?” Spike asked.

Willow patted his hand; “I’m going to go heat up some blood for you, okay?”

Reluctantly Spike released Willow’s hand.

~Part 3~ Having a Vision

“Spike!” Willow squeaked as the blond vampire appeared at her side.

“Hey Red,” Spike greeted her shyly.

“What are you doing here?” Willow asked.

Spike glanced around the dorm building’s hall, looking for inspiration and
not finding it. “Waiting for you,” he mumbled. “I thought if you needed to
go anywhere I could, um, walk with you. Scare away the other monsters,
stuff like that.”

“That’s nice,” Willow stammered. “But you shouldn’t do that. The
Initiative people might see you if you hand around campus too much.”

Spike flinched at the mention of the Initiative; his eyes flickered
nervously around the hall as if he expected a group of commandos to jump out
of the shadows at him. “It’s just… I can’t fight them,” Spike said
plaintively.

“Which is why you shouldn’t be here,” Willow said more firmly.

“You never come to the Watcher’s any more,” Spike said. “I miss you.”

Willow blushed and shifted uncomfortably. “You’ve got Giles to talk to,” she
said.

“I don’t want to talk to him, it’s you I miss,” Spike replied. “You're so
sweet Willow, so kind.”

“Um, thanks, um I was going to Tara’s, and um, I’d better hurry,” Willow
stammered uncertainly, then hurried off.

Spike dashed after her. “I’ll walk you there, ‘member?” he said offering
Willow his arm.

Willow ignored it, shooting nervous glances at Spike as he fell into step
beside her.

“So… how are classes?” Spike asked awkwardly. “Try any new spells lately?”
 

“He follows me everywhere,” Willow complained to Tara. “He sits out side my
room all night long, it’s embarrassing. I can’t go anywhere after dark
without him inviting himself along.”

“You helped him while he was hurt,” Tara said. “Maybe he just wants to pay
you back. And it isn’t really safe to be outside in Sunnydale after dark,
so he has a point.”

“He came to my Chem midterm!” Willow exclaimed. “He sat in the back of the
room and smoked till the Professor got mad and kicked him out. He called
her a really nasty name and he was right there waiting for me when the test
was over, the whole class saw him leave with me!”

“Not the professor, I hope,” Tara said.

“No, thank the goddess, I would have died of embarrassment if Dr. Rain found
out he was with me after what he called her.” Willow replied. “The worst
thing is he says he loves me!”

“You don’t l…like him?” Tara asked nervously. “He is g…good looking.”

“He’s Spike! I feel sorry for him now, but he’s evil. He’s been trying to
kill us since my junior year in High School. He calls people ‘Happy Meals
with legs’. And even though he can’t kill people any more he still steals
stuff and makes trouble and calls people names. He can’t love me… it’s just
ooky! And I… I don’t even like him. It’s just sympathy, that’s all.”

~Part 4~ Sharing a Fantasy

Hesitantly Willow stepped into Giles’ living room. Spike had been lying on
the couch, munching on popcorn dipped in blood while watching TV, but the
instant she walked into the room he sat up and smiled welcomingly at her.

“Hi Red. Want some popcorn?” He asked offering her a handful. He noticed
some of the blood from his mug had dripped on one piece and he picked it out
with a shrug and popped it in his mouth.

Willow shuttered. “No thank you. Spike, we need to talk.”

Spike clicked off the TV and looked serious, he knew that was never a good
phrase.

Willow sat beside him on the couch, “I want you to stop following me,” she
said.

“I can’t do that,” Spike replied. “I love you and it’d kill me if anything
bad happened to you.”

“You don’t love me!” Willow exclaimed. “Stop saying that. You were hurt, I
took care of you, it was a highly emotional situation and you think you love
me because of that, but you don’t, you can’t!”

Spike slid off the couch to kneel in front of Willow, clasping her hands in
his. “Don’t tell me what I can and can’t feel. You’ve taken one term of
some intro to psychology class and you think you know what’s in my head.
But you’re wrong, I felt this way about you long before I got the crap beat
out of me, so don’t tell me this is just some hurt/comfort thing!”

“You didn’t,” Willow protested. “You never.”

“Remember that night last year when I kidnapped you and the whelp. I told
you I hadn’t had a woman in a long time and you said there’d be no having of
any kind with you. Don’t try to tell me you didn’t know I didn’t just want
to bite you that night,” Spike said.

“I fantasize about what it would have been like if I hadn’t been too drunk
to realize I didn’t even really want Dru back anymore.”

“I’d of pushed you back on the bed, by your unconscious friend. I’d pull
that fuzzy pink sweater over your head and wrapped the loose sleeves around
your arms and the bedpost to keep you still. You’d smelled of fear and
curiosity and embarrassment. You’re cheeks would flush and it would creep
down your throat to your breasts, making ‘em glow. Your bra would have been
something simple and white, virginal, innocent, like you. I’d lean over you
and cut it off with my fangs, just grazing the skin between your breasts and
you’d gasp.”

“I’d suck your revealed nipple into my mouth and you’d moan. You’d be so
sensitive because no one’s ever done this to you before. You’d glance over
at your friend and start struggling under me because you’re a good girl and
this kind of thing shouldn’t get you turned on, but I can smell your
arousal. You’re writhing against me would feel so good.”

“You don’t even realize what you’re doing to me at first, but before long
I’m so hard you can’t help but notice. It takes you awhile to piece it all
together but you do and you freeze, staring up at me with your huge stunned
eyes.”

“I slide my hands up under that skirt of yours, up along the outside of your
thighs, not really doing anything yet, but your heart’s pounding like a
jack-hammer and you’re holding your breath, waiting. I loop my fingers
under your tights and panties and oh so slowly pull them off, letting them
bunch around your ankles, cause I never bothered to get rid of your shoes.
The feel of them tangling your legs makes you feel that much more out of
control.”

“You’re frozen this whole time, too shocked and confused to even think about
struggling. As I slide back up your body my fingers are on the inside of
your legs this time, barely touching and your thighs part for me without you
even thinking about it. When I reach your juncture that breath you’ve been
holding for so long is too much and you start panting.”

“I drag my finger around the edge of your nether lip and slowly it enters
your tight, wet, channel. By this point you’re dizzy from hyperventilation
but you can’t stop gasping for air. I lay on top of you, still working you
with my hand and seal my mouth over yours.”

“Your whole body is quivering. I thrust my tongue into your mouth as I pump
you with my hand, my thumb’s pressing your hard little nubbin and you come,
screaming into my mouth. I keep working you, holding you on that plateau
until pleasure turns painful, cause it’s just too much.

“Then I roll off you, stand up by the bed and watch you while I undress.
Your body’s glowing with exertion and slick with sweat. Your breasts are
heaving and you can’t take your eyes off me. Your skirt’s hiked up around
your waist and your leg fall open, I can see moisture dripping off the curls
of pubic hair around your entrance.

“You’ve completely forgotten about the whelp lying out cold not two feet
away from you. At first your eyes lock with mine, you’re too shy to look
anywhere else, but curiosity gradually gets the better of you and your eyes
drift downward.”

“Your scent gets a little trace of fear back in it, cause we both know what
happens next and you can’t see how I’m going to fit inside of you. Truth
is, I’m thinking the same thing, cause I’ve never had anyone with a channel
as tight as yours. I can just imagine how you’ll feel wrapped around me.
Then I realize I’m wasting time imagining while I could be experiencing. So
I kneel on the bed, straddling you.”

“You’re shaking as I enter you. You’re hotter than I ever dreamed. I push
up against your membrane and it holds for a moment then tears. You whimper
in pain and the scent of your blood mixes with the arousal in the room. I
slip a finger between us and collect a taste of your blood and juices, it’s
like candy to me.”

“Watching me lick my hand clean has you so embarrassed you’ve forgotten the
pain. As I push deeper in you, you whimper, it’s this high-pitched thing
that flows over my body like a caress. I’m all the way in now and it’s an
act of will not to come right then from your heat and your tightness, so I
just stay still.”

“You’ve managed to kick off your shoes and the rest of that junk and you
wrap your legs around me. I start rocking in you and you encourage me to
take you harder.”

“You’re with me all the way by this point. Head thrown back, gasping and
moaning, arching up to meet my thrusts. I lean over you and bite you just
where the swell of your breast begins and that’s just one sensation too
much. It pushes you over the edge, every muscle going taunt, your arms are
the only part of your body still touching the bed as you scream my name.
Your internal muscles clench around me like a fiery vise and I’m coming too.
My cool seed flooding your body, quenching your fire as I take a mouth
full of your sweet, sweet blood, no more than that.”

“Just enough to taste you. Just to mark you as mine and only mine,
forever.”

“Don’t tell me I don’t really want you Willow, because I do,” Spike finished
staring up at her with feverish blue eyes.

Willow was shaking, trying to pull away from him, her breath coming in
hiccupping sobs. “Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!” she begged.

Reluctantly Spike released her hands and she cringed back from him,
scrambling over the back of the sofa and out of the apartment into the
comforting embrace of the sun.

Spike watched her flee in dismay. “Oh damn it all to bloody Hell,” he
muttered. “That wasn’t what I wanted.”

~Part 5~ Answering A Nightmare

Buffy was woken from sleep by a strangled scream. Gracefully she rolled to
her feet, ready to confront any threat, only to find Willow, bed sheets
twisted around her, screaming and whimpering in her sleep.

“Will! Wake up!” Buffy cried, gently shaking her friend. Willow cringed
away from her hand, still whimpering. In the moonlight Buffy could see
tears glistening on her cheeks. “It’s just a nightmare. Come on Willow,
wake up!”

Willow’s eyes opened, she was pressed up against the wall behind her bed,
she looked small and terrified. Recognition filled her eyes and she threw
herself into Buffy’s arms sobbing.

“It was just a nightmare,” Buffy repeated, rocking her gently.

Slowly Willow’s fears faded and she pulled from Buffy.

“Wanna tell me about it?” Buffy asked. “I hear talking about nightmares
can make them go away.”

“It’s Spike,” Willow whispered.

“The fangless wonder?” Buffy asked.

“He told me he wanted to rape me last year,” Willow said softly. “He’s got
this whole huge scenario thought out where he… I can’t believe how many
details he’s thought up. He wants me to like it. He wants me to like him.
He keeps following me everywhere.”

“In my nightmares he gets tired of waiting for me to like him. He drugs me,
or knocks me out or catches me alone somewhere and drags me off. He’s so
much stronger than me, he doesn’t even have to hurt me to do it.”

“Then he ties me up somewhere and I wake up and I can’t move, can’t fight,
I’m too scared to remember any spells so I’m totally helpless.”

“He cuts my clothes off and starts doing things to me and I don’t want to
but my body responds anyway so it doesn’t hurt and the chip doesn’t do
anything to stop him. I can’t stop him Buffy, I can’t even control my own
body,” Willow cried.

“The chip doesn’t make a damn bit of difference because my body betrays me
and it doesn’t hurt. So he can do what ever he wants to me. And I know
exactly what he wants to do, because he told me every little detail. Buffy
I’ve never been so scared in my life. Not of the Hellmouth demon, not of
the mayor, not of Adam, not even of Angelus. I don’t know how to make it go
away. I’m afraid to leave my room after dark. I’ve cast the
anti-invitation spell a dozen times and I’m still scared.”

“Don’t worry, I know how to make it better,” Buffy said clasping Willow’s
hand reassuringly. “Get dressed, we’re going to fix everything.”
________________________________________________________________________

Buffy pounded on Giles’ door until the ex-Watcher opened it, blinking
sleepily at the pair of girls. “What is it Buffy?” he asked.

“I’m doing something I should have done long ago,” Buffy said pushing past
Giles. Spike was pressed against the wall, in game face.

“It’s just you,” Spike sighed. Relaxing into his human features. “Thought
it was the commandos again. Hey Red, what brings you?”

Willow shuttered as Spike smiled at her. Buffy shoved the vampire against
the wall, pinning him there with an arm across his throat as she drew a
stake from her jacket. “She’s terrified because of you,” Buffy accused
angrily. “She takes care of you, protects you, helps you and you do this to
her.”

“Willow?” Spike asked, his eyes moving from the brassed off Slayer to the
slight Witch. Willow flinched away from his gaze. “I’m sorry,” He cried.
Buffy’s stake descended, smashing through flesh and bone to find his heart.
“I didn’t mean too…” Spike’s words trailed into silence as he exploded into
dust.

Silent tears streamed down Willow’s face as she crumpled to the ground
staring at the spot where Spike had been. She pulled her knees to her chest
and wrapped her arms around them hugging herself tightly. “I didn’t know
you were going to kill him,” she said, her voice catching oddly in her
throat.
 

The End

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