Author's email: cutie_kat_101@msn.com
Disclaimer: Plz don't sue me! Buffy and all the cast belong to themselves and Joss. Did i mention plz don't sue me.
Spoilers: Spike is chipped but didn't help adam, but other than that not much is mentioned, i don't think.
Rating: (do i have to use the american system probs PG-13?
Pairings: W/S
Comments: Just like to say this is my first fanfiction although i read loads. So be nice and i want feedback lots of feedback would be nice.
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~Part: 1~
A look of disgust mares your perfect features as you turn your eyes to me, I know I disappointed you. I never meant to hurt you but that is what they all say and it is no excuse. A frown of dissatisfaction scars your lips and I feel helpless, I am drowning in a pool of your misery and I don’t want to pull you in further. I hate myself and that is an understatement, but I can’t leave you.
Our secret smile turns the corners of your mouth but I know it’s not for me I don’t deserve it. A glimmer of hope is extinguished you will never forgive me and I turn to go only glancing back to see the tears form but not drop in your eyes. Those eyes are the undoing of me, the green depths are what I fell for, but I can’t bring myself to cause you more hurt. So I turn back with a sigh, something I don’t have to do. And I leave the house, slipping into the darkness with only a mutter carried on the wind. “I love you Willow never forget it”
I can’t believe he did it, she loved him, how could he leave? If I find him I swear I’m gonna stake him. I don’t know what made him do it but can’t he see the pain she’s in? I knew it would happen one day, they weren’t meant to be together, relationships like that don’t work but it doesn’t mean I want her to go back to how she was. God this is worse than Oz, it’s not like she loved him and it’s not like he didn’t say goodbye.
The love was evident, even I could see he loved her, adored her, he would have laid down his life for her, so why did he leave? It couldn’t have been for her good like Angel. He did something wrong and now can’t bear to be around her. I just don’t know what and I wish I did, she won’t tell me so that leaves finding him, which I don’t want to do if he’s pissed, besides how the hell would I do that? He needs to be back her begging for forgiveness holding her like he used to but what do I know I am just a clown.
That night keeps replaying and I can’t escape, I see her lying there and him and I feel sick. I hear him running out behind me, shouting my name, saying he’s sorry but it doesn’t matter. I knew I wasn’t good enough for him, I knew this would turn out worse, God damn him, I loved him, how could he do this? How could he sleep with her, and then leave me? I can’t get his face out of my head when he left, left Giles’ for the last time. His eyes were sad I think he knew he wasn’t coming back, he said barely two words, “Thanks mate” when Xander handed him his usual pint of blood. He sat staring and I felt his eyes travel the contours of my body memorising it, before he got up caught my eye and left tears visible, about to brim over. They didn’t notice until it was too late he’d gone left his crypt and me alone. I suffer because he couldn’t keep his bits under control, he had to go and fuck her. Did I just think that? I couldn’t imagine my life without him, and now I can’t live it, I don’t care anymore I want him back here so I can shout at him and then kiss him to death. My mouth twitches attempting to find a smile, but it’s impossible when I smile all I see her, blonde hair, perfect body and pouting lips curled in a sadistic smile. Cordy I feel sorry for you putting up with that bitch for so long. Harmony I hate you.
~Part: 2~
Flash back:
It was the night of the twenty second, a clam pleasant evening, so I took a walk to the crypt where I had found myself spending an extortionate amount of time since he’d declared his love for me. It was wonderful me and him, him and me, he said he’d never leave me and I believed him when the time came he would turn me and I was happy although Buffy never knew about our agreement. I wondered what she would think if she did know, probably stake him, perhaps it is best if she doesn’t know. It’s been two weeks and already I am happy enough to last a lifetime.
Moaning breaks me from my thoughts and I feel sick, I can hear his voice and tears have already fallen down my face I can’t stop them as I hear a female voice join his moans. I’m not good enough for him I wish I was. Un-thinking I advance further until the door looms over me and I pause. Is it perhaps better to leave him there not cause myself further anguish? Or discover what being has stolen my heart and brought me this sorrow? Who could bring me such pain in such a short space of time? And I open that door not pausing to knock knowing I won’t be heard. Their sounds deafen me, pushing my eardrums further into my skull.
I see them lying on the bed entwined her hands on his back, I cannot see her face and I sob unable to stop a hiccup in my throat. And he turns seeing my shrunken form in the doorway as I see her writhing form, Harmony I should have known I was no match for her, the blond locks are spread out over his pillows and I again feel the bile forming in my throat.
Upon seeing her I freeze shocked I roll off the body and am unable to shake her look from my mind, the torment evident. I break the silence “Willow” Unsure if she is but a figment of my mind brought forward to stop me in my drunken act.
I was still staring at the bed when I heard his voice, Uncertain and hesitant the softness brought me back to the present and the matter at hand. I snapped my eyes to his and saw the demon’s. Unable to force myself to hold his gaze any longer I turned my head back to the thing lying in the bed.
When I see her eyes glistening and her tear stained cheeks I was barely able to hold back my own tears. Her green depths are endless and I feel myself unable to pull back until she breaks our stare, I force myself once again to speak. “Willow, I’m sorry” I drop my head to look intently at the floor, not daring to look at her again for fear I let these tears fall.
When I hear him speak those words, it’s hard to think of a demon apologising I try to forget it’s Spike as I turn and run away from the hurt and pain I fell in this place, Goddess I hope this is a dream.
As I hear her run I snap out of the dream like quiet that has taken
over the place and grab my trousers tossing them on and running for the
door to chase back my queen. Shouting all the way “Willow, I love you,
I’m sorry please don’t”. But I do not catch her, she has escaped me as
my sense did when I saw my ex the one I had claimed I hated but I was unable
to deny the feeling she evoked. The one who had cost me my queen, I put
a stake through her heart that night.