Email: EvilDead_DemonGirl@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: All things Buffy and Angel belong to Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy and a band of lawyers. 'Long May You Run' was written by Neil Young, 'Turn! Turn! Turn! comes from the Byrds and the Book of Revelation, and 'The Flame Still Burns' comes from the movie soundtrack for 'Still Crazy.' I own the plot and anything you don't recognize from the Buffyverse.
Rating: NC-17
Synopsis: Just when Isabel thinks she can begin her new life in peace, Buffy rears her head in the city of Angels, making the witch doubt her place in Angel's life. In the meantime, Willow has issues to bury before she can commit herself to Spike.
Distribution: Soulmates till the End of Time, Angel's Soulmates, Mistress Vamp's Moonlight Lounge--anyone else, if you like it, lemme know and I'll let you have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~Part: 1~
Never had there been a more magnificent January morning. The sun was bright and warm, the sky was blue and cloudless, and one of the Divinitus Monstrum was awake with the dawn to greet the Gods and Goddesses.
For one who was supposed to weaken from the sun's rays, Isabel Emily Young was positively glowing as the brilliant orb took its rightful place in the morning sky. And for one who had just come back from the dead, she'd never felt more alive. Love and life flowed through her veins, warmed by the rays of the sun. For the first time in her life, she felt comfort in daylight. She didn't know why, but she didn't even think to question it. So much had happened to her in the last few days that it was impossible to question it all--she could only accept it.
She had lost her family, but had been given a new one. She'd been betrayed by someone who'd loved her, but had been given true love in return. She'd died, only to come back as an immortal. Life as she once knew it was ripped away from her, but in its place was a new and sparkling existence filled with family, friends, hope, and love eternal.
With a brilliant smile, one that reflected her hope and anticipation for the future, on her face, Isabel left the roof and headed back to her resting love. It was time to wake him so they could begin their new lives together as she lay her old one to rest.
She had no idea how eventful that day was to be.
~*~*~
"Are you sure this is the right way?"
Xander Harris glared at the Slayer for the fifth time since they hit the road that morning. He had no idea how annoying Buffy could be during a one-hour trip. Once more question like that and he was going to jump out of the car.
"Yes, Buffy. I'm going the right way. My aunt and uncle belong to this church. I've been here more times than I can count."
He knew that she was nervous. After all, she was embarking on the territory that her ex had claimed for his own. She rarely talked about it, but he knew she still hurt from their breakup. Once upon a time, he thought he'd be happy that Angel was out of the Buffy picture. But he wasn't. Granted, he never did get along with the souled vampire, but he couldn't help but respect him somewhat. The guy refused to take the easy way out. Instead of running away and feeling sorry for himself, he was out there fighting the good fight and feeling sorry for himself.
Xander knew that his friend was slowly but surely overcoming this, the biggest obstacle *ever* in her love life, but it would take time for the wounds to heal.
~*~*~
Buffy knew that she was driving Xander crazy. She couldn't help it. She was back in Angel's territory. After their last encounter, she didn't know if she could handle seeing him again. But as tense as she was, she wouldn't let her feelings get in the way of showing Willow her support.
'Poor Wills. I know she told us she was fine, but loosing friends like this must be harder on her than she'll acknowledge. How could Xander and I not be with her right now?'
All too soon the Slayer's thoughts were put on hold as her stomach started to wrench itself into knots once more.
They were there.
St. Theresa's.
And there were an insane amount of demons inside.
~*~*~
Despite the fact that Simon had helped to organize the memorial service, Isabel couldn't have been more pleased with it. It was a funeral that she had never seen the likes of.
Instead of sadness, the church was filled with laughter, music, love, and joy as the huge congregation remembered their lost friends with prayer, poems, story, and song. It was everything she had wanted the blowout at the Blitzkrieg to be. Friends, family, co-workers and even some of the demons that were once regulars at the Blitz were there, as were some demons who had never known Isabel's family. But they respected the little demon and knew that if she loved them, they must have been good people who made the world a better place. And there were many testimonials to that fact.
With Angel beside her, along with Spike, Willow, Cordelia, and Wesley, Isabel could feel any fears slipping away--any trepidation she had concerning her newfound life were gone. Her former life had respectfully been laid to rest leaving her to joyfully begin her new one.
With a glorious smile on her face, Isabel stood and took her place at the microphone set up in front of the altar when the priest called her name. Love from hundreds of hearts poured into her, giving her the strength and grace to pay tribute to her fallen friends.
"I'm not going to tell any stories about my life with Eli, Jayne, Drew, and Ash. You know how much I loved them and what they meant to me. Instead, I'm gonna sing to you, for them. It's really the only way I can express what's going on in this head of mine." Without another word, she picked up her guitar and began to sing, her haunting passionate voice filling the church and the hearts and minds of all present.
"We've been through some things together
With trunks of memories still to come
We found things to do in stormy weather
Long may you run.
Long may you run.
Long may you run.
Although these changes have come
With your chrome heart shining in the sun
Long may you run.
Well, it was back in Blind River in 1962
When I last saw you alive
But we missed that shift on the long decline
Long may you run.
Long may you run.
Long may you run.
Although these changes have come
With your chrome heart shining in the sun
Long may you run.
Maybe the Beach Boys have got you now
With those waves singing "Caroline No"
Rollin' down that empty ocean road
Gettin' to the surf on time.
Long may you run.
Long may you run.
Although these changes have come
With your chrome heart shining in the sun
Long may you run."
When she finished, there wasn't a dry eye left in the church. Even the priest and rabbi officiating were dabbing their eyes with handkerchiefs. All of her joy, pain, and love entered everyone present that morning.
Even the Slayer and Slayerette in the back of the church who had just realized that the demons in the church were mourners just like the rest of them.
With all of the people surrounding her, Isabel wasn't quite aware of the Slayer's presence, but she couldn't make herself ignore the two grief stricken faces sitting one of the back pews. Making eye contact with them, she held her guitar out.
"Devon, Oz, please, come join me."
~Part: 2~
Several jaws dropped when they heard Isabel's request.
Willow's was not one of them. She had figured her ex-love would come, no matter how far away he had been. Oz had been a part of this circle of friends almost as long as Eli and Ash had. Dingoes Ate My Baby's first gig had been at the Blitzkrieg Ballroom and it was that night that Oz, Devon, and the rest of the band had been adopted my Isabel and her loveable family of misfits.
That was four years ago. Four years was a long period of time when you were only twenty years old.
A small ache hit Willow in the chest the moment she saw Oz for the first time since he left. It was as if her heart were breaking all over again. But it wasn't for the reasons she had expected. It had nothing to do with their past transgressions--her heart was breaking not because of him, but for him.
As Oz strapped on Isabel's guitar, his troubled eyes met her bright green orbs. They were bloodshot and swollen, and his gaze was hollow. The young wolf looked as if he had lost his best friend. And he had. Not one, but four. There was only one time the redhead had ever saw him that distraught and that was when he left her. She knew at that moment a part of him was missing and it could never be replaced.
While the witch gazed at her ex-lover with an expression that was part love and part sorrow, she was totally oblivious to surprised heads turned in her direction, save for a pair of deep blue eyes that watched her with love and respect as she kept her calm.
The blonde vampire at her side could sense neither anger nor fear within the little redhead. She was neither surprised nor upset at the appearance of her first love. His heart swelled with hope, at that moment knowing she was well on the way to healing her heart.
~*~*~
Isabel enveloped both Oz and Devon in her arms before doing anything else. Their intense sorrow flooded her and in turn, she tried to flood them with as much love and support as her strengths would allow. "Thank you both for coming," she whispered. "I know it was a long trip and they're honored that you came."
"We couldn't not come, Isabel," Devon assured her softly. "You guys were, *are* our family. There's so much we couldn't have done without you."
"Don't tell me, honey." She fleetingly glanced upward and grinned at the two young men. "Tell them."
Without at word, Oz took Isabel's guitar and strapped it on, his gaze inadvertently meeting that of the green-eyed love of his life. It hurt for a moment, but when he saw that her eyes were not filled with anger and sorrow, but love and support, he was filled with a strength he hadn't known in months, knowing that a heart out there beat for him and loved him unconditionally. But he wasn't blind, he knew things had changed. He saw the blonde vampire next to her, her hand grasped tightly in his. His Willow was moving on.
He smiled briefly at her before turning his attention back to Bell and Devon. With one of his wry, trademark grins, he began to play, giving Eli, Jayne, Ash, and Drew thanks for their love and friendship through his music.
>From that first note, the two musicians beside him recognized the music and as if on cue, their voices rang out in heartfelt song.
I live a life that's surreal
Where all that I feel I am learning
O life has been turned on the lathe,
Reshaped with a flame that's still burnin'
And time, it's all a sweet mystery
When you shake the tree of temptation
And I, I know the fear and the cost
Of a paradise lost to frustration
And the flame still burns
It's there in my soul for that unfinished goal
And the flame still burns
From the glimmer of day it lights up again in
my life
In my life.
Isabel and Devon halted their voices for Oz's haunting guitar solo. The little demon glanced at her Angel who was looking at her with an expression of pure amazement. He couldn't have been more proud of her. Over the last four days, she had been such an example of strength, grace, and love for everyone around her, it was no surprise to him at all that the Powers That Be chose the Divinitus Monstrum to return to life through her. Behind the blue-tinted glasses she wore to mask her supernatural violet eyes, he saw her gaze at him and his heart swelled with joy, and then pride as her heavenly voice was heard once more in perfect harmony with Devon's.
I, I want my thoughts to be heard
The unspoken words of my wisdom
Today as the light starts to flow
Tomorrow who knows who will listen?
But my life has no language of loveNo word from
above is appearing
Oh, the time
Time is a fire that's stoked
With reason and hope and believing
And the flame still burnsIt's there in my soul
for that unfinished goal
And the flame still burns
From a glimmer of day it lights up again in my
life
Keep a rollin' keep the flame still burning
Keep a rollin' while the world keeps turning
Keep a rollin', yeah.
Oz played the chorus two more times, but as soon as Isabel and Devon stopped singing, he flawlessly made the transition from 'The Flame Still Burns' into another of his and his adopted family's favorites. Once again, in perfect timing, the two vocalists joined his guitar and this time, so did most of the congregation.
To Everything
(Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season
(Turn, Turn, Turn
)And a time for every purpose, under Heaven
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
To Everything
(Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season
(Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time for every purpose, under Heaven
A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather
stones
together
To Everything
(Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season
(Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time for every purpose, under Heaven
A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from
embracing
To Everything
(Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season
(Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time for every purpose, under Heaven
A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late
To Everything
(Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season
(Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time for every purpose, under Heaven
By the time the song ended, the *entire* crowd of mourners had joined them in song and the strength of love and joy coming from their words hit Isabel full force. If she had any more love come in contact with her, she would explode.
With tears in her eyes, she took Oz and Devon's hands in her own and smiled beatifically at all those gathered with her that morning.
"Thank you, *all* of you, for coming here this morning and celebrating the lives of four people dear to our hearts. This is the way they would've wanted it. No sobbing, no sadness. Just the lot of us showing how much we love them and each other."
~Part: 3~
Every demon had felt the Slayer's presence the moment she walked into the church and all of them had done an excellent job of not running away or attempting to fight her. Unbeknownst to them, it was due to the little demon in the front of the church, clinging to her vampire.
That elder vampire and the blonde next to him had had a harder time ignoring Buffy's presence. It had nothing to do with Slayer/Demon tension. It had everything to do with the fact that her arrival would disrupt the delicate balance he, Spike, Isabel, Willow, Wesley, and Cordelia had achieved over the last four days--the longest four days of their lives.
And there were also Oz and Xander.
They couldn't have picked a crappier time to be supportive. None of them were ready to tell them what happened over the course of the last four days, but they had precious little time to decide how they were to handle this new situation.
Once the memorial had ended, an impromptu receiving line began to queue in the church entryway, everyone wanting to give Isabel their sympathy and support. She was flanked on both sides, Cordelia and Wesley to her left, Spike, Willow, and Angel to her right. The line passed by quickly, the crowd of friends dwindling until only three people were left in the church with the motley crew.
A surprised Slayer, a confused Slayerette, and a lone wolf.
~*~*~
Isabel knew that the shell-shocked blonde was Buffy, the Slayer. The vibes were unmistakable. Something in the demon had been awakened--a great, protective feeling, a motherly instinct unlike any other. She could feel Buffy's need to attack. The three demons assembled before the Slayer were powerful, each in their own right. How could Buffy not react to that power? Isabel knew that if the Slayer were to attack, either Spike or Angel would be her first target. She also knew that she would jump in the fray and do anything she could to prevent those two vampires from harm. Even strike a human being.
Trying to ignore the discomfort coming from everyone in the church, the witch stepped forward with a gracious smile to extend her hand to Buffy and Xander.
"You two must be Xander and Buffy. It's a pleasure to finally meet the both of you--I only wish it could've been under more pleasant circumstances."
Xander returned the smile and took the proffered hand, trying to ignore the arm Spike had around Willow's waist, the concerned looks Angel was giving Isabel, and the red-haired wolf standing off to the side.
Isabel was startled by the confusion and traces of hate flowing through the young man. She tried to shake it off, but it uncomfortably clung to her like a tight pair of leather pants. If she thought Xander had issues, they were nothing compared to what awaited her with a momentary touch of Buffy's hand.
The moment the Slayer and demon's hands connected, wave after wave of anger, heartbreak, and love washed over the older woman, all of those feelings directed at one person--her Angel. Seconds felt like an eternity as visions of Angel and the Slayer unfolded themselves in her mind, giving her but a small glimpse of their tumultuous relationship. Buffy impaling Angel, the vampire and young girl making love, the vampire drinking the life from Buffy were only a few of the choice images forced upon her. It was as if Simon were in her head again, making her see things she didn't want to see.
Witnessing such events only made the emotionally drained woman weaker and weaker until her petite frame could no longer hold itself up. She fell to her knees in front of the Slayer, gazing at her with tear filled eyes.
"I'm sorry, so sorry," Isabel whispered to a surprised Buffy before leaping to her feet and bolting out of the church. Angel moved as to go after her, but a firm grip on his arm stopped him. The vampire looked up into the blue eyes of his childe in anger, his dark eyes bleeding to gold. "Let me go, William," he hissed, paying no attention to the stares in his direction. "She's in the sun, Sire," Spike hissed in return. "You'll do her no good if you're dust."
~*~*~
After liberating a pack of cigarettes from Spike, Cordelia and Wesley went after Isabel. The found her in the church gardens, sitting in the shade of a large oak tree and silently sat on the ground beside her. Wesley passed her a cigarette that she wordlessly accepted. They sat in silence for a few moments, giving Isabel all the time she needed before trying to explain anything to her.
"I knew he loved someone else," she whispered after finishing her cigarette. "As much love as he feels for me, I can't help but feel his reservation--his reluctance to give in to those feelings. He still doesn't feel as if he deserved me, almost as if he'd had love before but fucked it up and doesn't want to take the chance again. I guess that fucked up romance was all about the Slayer."
"It was," Cordelia stated softly. "They were together for three very hard years. They gave each other everything they had, but it was never enough to get past the fact that he was a vampire and she was the Slayer. As much as they loved each other, they only brought each other pain."
"Your love is just the opposite, Isabel," Wesley added. "You give each other strength. They were each other's greatest weakness. She had the power to take his soul away, but you had the power to give it to him. No one can take it away now, not even the woman he loved."
"Loves," Isabel corrected him. "The woman he loves. She's still in his heart. And there is a part of him that still longs for her."
~*~*~
"*What* just happened to Isabel?" Oz demanded the second she fled the church. He couldn't help but look at Buffy with some scorn, knowing something about the Slayer had hurt his dear friend. While she looked away uncomfortably and Angel and Willow were trying to figure out what exactly to say, Spike sighed unnecessarily and spit out an explanation.
"Isabel's an empath," he stated, leaving out the whole demon bit. "Whatever Slutty," he cast an accusatory glance at Buffy, "was feeling right then, she felt it too. Extremely sensitive, she is. Picks up almost everything around her."
"Come with me, Willow?" the wolf softly asked. "I want to make sure she's all right." The redhead cast a glance at Spike who discreetly nodded, letting her know he didn't mind in the least if she spent this time with her ex. Willow took Oz's hand and led him outside, knowing she would have picked the shadiest area to flee to.
They found her snuggled between Wes and Cordy, her eyes closed as if in slumber or meditation. The demon hunter looked up as Willow and Oz approached, protectively cradling Isabel's shoulders and stroking her hair.
The little demon had burst into sobs once more as Buffy's emotion was absorbed further into her being, plaguing her with sights that she wished had remained unseen. Only moments before their two friends appeared was she able to calm herself and accept Cordelia and Wesley's comfort.
Isabel's eyes opened as she felt them approach, managing a small smile for her friends. "Sorry about that, er, scene, fellas. Some things can't be helped, I suppose."
Oz knelt before her, stroking her cheek softly. "I never knew, Bell. You must have hurt so much over these last few years. You're the one we all unloaded our issues to."
Isabel pressed Oz's hand to her cheek, his touch helping to clear her of Buffy's taint. "I've always felt more love than hate, Daniel," she whispered. "More joy than pain. Buffy just happens to be an exception."
~Part: 4~
Silence reigned once Willow and Oz left in search of Isabel. Angel and Buffy were locked in a staring contest while Xander stared uncomfortably at the floor. Spike had no intention of hanging around to see how Angel dealt with the Slayer. While he would have liked to show his sire support, he just wasn't up to explaining why they were so chummy all of a sudden.
"Don't think I was invited to this party," he stated as he lit a cigarette, not even thinking that he shouldn't be smoking in the church, and began wandering off. "I'll be elsewhere, preferably out of the sunlight."
Xander looked from the vampire and Slayer to the direction Spike had gone and decided to make himself scarce. "For once, Spike has the right idea. You two feel free to talk amongst yourselves."
It was a few moments before there was any talking whatsoever. Buffy gazed at Angel with lovelorn eyes while Angel couldn't help but stare at Buffy, internally bitching about how crappy her timing was. But another part of him was happy to see her. The Slayer still had a piece of his heart, after all, she was his first love--his first *human* love.
"I didn't expect to see you here."
"I could say the same of you and Xander." Angel's eyes narrowed somewhat at the suggestion that he would leave Isabel's side, but immediately calmed himself, realizing that Buffy was totally clueless.
"We wanted to be here for Willow--we figured that she would've been pretty alone today. Guess we were wrong."
"Indeed you were. And Isabel is under my protection, hence my attendance." He didn't offer any more information, hoping that his former love would accept it as a part of his 'cryptic guy' act.
The blonde sighed, unwilling to let this meeting echo their last. "Angel, there's no need to be hostile. I was just surprised to see you, okay? And I know that when I was here at Thanksgiving--"
Thanksgiving.
His heart wrenched at the mention of his one day of humanity--one day that only he, the Oracles, and the Powers That Be remember. While the thought of it still pained him, it had still been the greatest gift he'd ever been granted.
Until Isabel entered his life.
Buffy couldn't ignore the pained look in Angel's eye and immediately went to him, taking his hand in hers. "I am sorry for what I said," she whispered, having no idea what was going on in his head. "Now I know why you did what you did and I accept that. It was for the best then. But this is now, Angel. Please don't shut me out again."
For the first time since Isabel had come into his life, his heart was torn. One look in Buffy's eyes made him want to cradle her and never let her go, to be her rock once more, to love her as she had so deserved, but he couldn't. He never could. While Buffy still had a piece of his heart, Isabel was his soul. And that woman most sacred to him was in agony because of him and his inability to fully let go of his human love.
"I can't do this now, Buffy." He wrenched his hand from her grasp and turned away from her. "At this moment there's a friend of mine who is in considerable pain because she can't help but know what went on between us. Right now *she* is my first priority. While I thank you for coming here to support Willow, it would probably be best if you and Xander left now. His animosity toward Spike and myself is doing nothing to help her state of mind right now. I am sorry, Buffy," he added in a gentler tone when he turned and saw the tears shimmering in her eyes. "I know I sound like an incredible asshole right now, but it's for the best--for everyone."
"You're right, Angel," she whispered. "You always are."
~*~*~
Isabel could feel Buffy before seeing her. The demon's heart broke for the Slayer, knowing firsthand how broken she still was about her relationship with Angel. From her vibes at that moment, she knew that any discussion with the vampire did nothing to quell her pain.
The Slayer approached carefully, painfully aware that her feelings were being felt by Isabel at that very moment. She was surprised when Isabel stood and walked toward her. Instinctively, Buffy began to back up, but a smile from the older woman stopped her.
"I just wanted to apologize, Isabel," Buffy stated softly. "I meant no harm--I only wanted to pay my respects to people that Willow had loved."
"And I feel like I should apologize from intruding in on your emotions, but neither of us are at fault here," Isabel replied, taking the Slayer's hand in her own. The demon then took the positive energy that she had siphoned from her friends and tried to focus it on the young woman. She could feel Buffy begin to relax and wrapped her in a warm embrace that surprised the blonde and those watching the exchange. "Thank you for coming today. When Willow leaves, I can rest easily knowing her friends are such caring people.
Much to her surprise, Buffy returned the hug gratefully. "And I can rest easily, Isabel, knowing that when she's out here, she's very well taken care of."
~*~*~
Once Buffy and Xander had gone on their way, Willow was faced with saying farewell to Oz. Again. The wolf couldn't keep himself from touching her cheek softly, letting his hand linger for a moment as he committed the sensation to memory. "It was good to see you, Willow," he whispered, his voice breaking slightly. "I do miss you."
"Like a torso?" the redhead asked with tears in her eyes. No matter how much she had healed, it would always be hard to say goodbye to her first love. "Like a torso," he agreed.
"I miss you too, Oz. I'm not going to pretend that I understand what was going on in your head when you left or that it doesn't still hurt, but I'm getting better now. And if you ever do come back--to stay--I might not be the same Willow that you left behind."
"I can't expect you to and I can't ask you to wait for me either, besides, it's too late for that."
The redhead's eyes grew large with surprise as wolf nodded in the direction of a certain blonde vampire gazing at them from the front doors of the church. "So, you and Spike, eh?"
"You aren't going to lecture me on the dangers of being with an evil vampire are you?"
It was more of a statement that a question. At once Willow knew that Oz was all right with this revelation. There was no bitterness in his voice, only a small smile and amusement apparent in his hazel eyes. He shook his head and took her hand in his. "No, Willow, I'm not. There's more to that vamp than the demon. You only have to look at his relationship with Drusilla to know that. And besides, Isabel would kick his ass if he ever even *thought* of hurting you. Just be happy, Willow. That's all I'll ask of you." ~*~*~
Isabel was still sitting in the garden after Buffy, Oz, and Xander had left. Cordelia and Wesley had gone on to the office, leaving her where neither of her vampiric friends could reach her.
That was how she wanted it. So much had happened, she just needed a moment to herself to sort it all out. Today was the first day of her new existence and it couldn't have been more awkward. While she had been grateful to Buffy and Xander for their presence, she could have gone a very long time without knowing exactly what the Slayer and her love had gone through. From the start Isabel had known something was weighing upon the vampire's heart, but to know what she did then was a serious blow.
Before her, Buffy had been Angel's only love--his true love. The vampire definitely loved his blonde childe, but that was an entirely different matter. Isabel didn't mind sharing Angel's heart with Spike, she welcomed it actually. She did mind sharing his heart with someone he could never have but would always remember as the great love of his life.
But then again, who ever said that this was going to be easy? No one. Who said it was even worth it? She did.
~*~*~
When Isabel entered the church once more, she was greeted with the sight of Angel pacing in the foyer while Spike and Willow gazed at him with concern. There was really nothing they could've said that would make the dark vampire feel better about what just happened. The last thing that he wanted was for Isabel to know every painful detail about his relationship with Buffy, especially while this life change was still so fresh.
Her silent presence halted his pacing and with trepidation, he turned in her direction. She looked exhausted. She had every right to. But what surprised him was the soft smile lingering on her lips.
"Let's blow this joint, kids. We've got lots to do before Red and Blondie head back to Sunnyhell."
~*~*~
finis