Helpless

Author: My Reality Girl aka Jessie

Rating: NC17

Warning: Deals with rape

Disclaimer: Not mine never was - just borrowing them for a while!

Feedback: I live for it! Email me at myrealitygirl@yahoo.com Note: This is A LOT different from what I normally write - if you think I didn't pull it off let me know! - I set myself a challenge, the question was "why would Spike shave his head?" obviously inspired by James Marsters recent radical new look. I wanted to see if I could write one funny and one sad fic - with that question in mind. Here's the sad one - anyone else want to give it a try?

Website: where all my fic lives! http://www.freewebs.com/myrealitygirl/

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~Part: 1~

Willow's eyes snapped open, the pounding on her front door increasing in volume.

< Thank Christ my parents are away - again. If that's Buffy pissed off about Riley `the wonder' boyfriend again - I'm gonna lose it! >

Sitting up quickly and throwing the covers back - she glanced at the clock as she bolted for the stairs.

< 3.26 am? - Even Buffy doesn't argue THIS late >

"I'm coming - shut the hell up!" she shouted running down the stairs.

Peering through the peep hole she was a little shocked to see < NOTHING?>, as she turned to go back to bed she heard a whimper from outside.

"Please help Willow" a small scared voice whimpered, the sound drenched in tears.

< Who the hell is THAT? - They know my name? - So okay if it's a vamp they can't come in anyway - and if it a big evil demony thing I can zap it with a spell - okay I can do this - I can do this >

Pulling open the door slowly, Willow braced herself for an attack - but none came.

She couldn't see anything out of the ordinary, until she looked down.

Curled up in a tight ball, huddled against the side of the doorpost -  wrapped in a shroud of black leather - was SPIKE!

"Spike? - what are you doing here?"

He didn't move, didn't make a sound - it seemed to Willow like he was trying to push himself in to the very foundation of the house, become invisible.

Willow crouched next to him and gently touched his partially hidden face "Spike?"

Ice blue eyes flew open, fear and pain flashing through them, his face bloodied and bruised - the unusually pale skin showing up through the tear tracks in the muck.

"No" he whimpered, lowering his head - confusion spinning through his mind.

< Where am I? Willow? She's okay! - No not her - can't let her know -  no!" >

"Spike - it's Willow - come inside please" she begged.

Spike was scaring her, seeing a bad assed vampire reduced to a quivering wreck was not fun, it meant what ever had happened to him must have been unimaginably horrific.

Tugging at him until he rose and staggered drunkenly inside, falling in a heap from the exertion, turning to close the door she saw blood on her doorstep.

Spinning to face him, "What the hell happened? - Your hurt! Who did this?"

"We did" a gruff voice informed her.

"No!" Spike moaned from his prone position on the floor, his eyes fixed in terror at something or someone over Willow's left shoulder. Willow turned towards the voice and shuddered.

Four big vampires stood on her porch - all looking like rejects from the movie `Deliverance' - "Redneck wanna be's or Cowboy gonna be's" -  as her father often called them.

"Toss him out to us little girl and no harm will come to you" the leader growled.

Spike shook at the sound of the voice - his chin touching his chest as he curled up into a tight ball - refusing to look at his tormentors, his demon screaming in his head.

< Shut the door shut the door shut the door > the words echoing around his skull in pain and fury.

"You did this to him! WHY?" she demanded, crouching next to Spike, trying to calm him.

"He kills our kind, helps the Slayer - so we thought we'd have a little FUUUUN" he crooned - drawing the last word out as Spike shook his head, crying in fear.

"Willow help me" he whispered, Willow looked down at him in shock.

< THE BIG BAD! Master vampire - asking Willow the wanna be witch for help? >

"What can I do?"

"Stop it hurting - please" his eyes closed as he shook from head to toe.

< My god he's in shock! - What the hell's gone on? >

Willow stood up and marched to the door, being careful not to stand to close to the barrier that prevented their entrance.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM?"

"Willow don't" Spike pleaded, finally raising his head to stare at the leader.

< don't tell her, please don't tell her - she can't know - never know >

"What's wrong Spikey? Don't want your little girlfriend to know? We had a real good time didn't we - we ALL had a REAL good time with YOU"

Willow shook her head in confusion "I don't understand - what happened here?"

"You see little girl" the leader continued - his eyes never leaving Spike "Your Spike is just so pretty, we couldn't help ourselves - those pretty blue eyes and lovely blonde hair"

Willow turned to Spike in shock - their eyes meeting as she finally understood.

< Oh god no - please no >

Willow could see the shame and self - revulsion etched on Spike's features.

"You rap.."

"Now that's an ugly word little one - let's just say your guy knows now what it's like to get screwed over by a guy or in his case four" the leader sneered.

They started to laugh, all four of them cackling on her doorstep - Willow could hear Spike's sobs rising in volume and her blood boiled.

Her eyes flashed black as she muttered one word - "Incenderay" - in the blink of an eye the four vamps went up in flames in front of Spike's shocked gaze.

Screaming in pain their roars filled the quiet night air - until finally silence returned and nothing - except for a light sheen of vamp dust coated the porch.

Willow closed the door softly and turned to the fallen vampire - it took him a full minute to look at her - his eyes were fixed on the closed door - his mind not believing what he had seen.

"Come on" she told him, extending her hand to him, a small smile on her face - the pleasure of seeing those barstards go up in smoke had cheered her somewhat - now she had to fix Spike, if she could.

He stared at her hand then taking it with a shaking hand he stood - he turned towards the door and went to leave, with a mumbled "thank you" - Willow touched his arm, he turned "Stay - please" she whispered "I want to help you". Spike nodded and let her lead him up the stairs to the bathroom - once inside Willow turned and suddenly realised Spike was still wearing his duster - only his duster.

< Oh gosh! Look! No don't !>

"I'll go find you some clothes - you stay here I'll be back in a second" she babbled, fleeing the confined space.

Running to her parent's room, she grabbed her fathers blue bathrobe and a new pack of boxers she'd bought him for Christmas.

< Thank the goddess Dad's to set in his ways to try new underwear > she thought, as she went to leave the room she spotted the phone < Giles! >

Dialling quickly, she tapped her nails nervously against her teeth, waiting for him to answer.

< Come on! Dammit Giles where are you? Oh at last! >

"Er what?" a muzzy British accent asked.

"Giles - I need your help, what? - Yes it's Willow. Now listen Spike's here and he's hurt, I need you to bring his blood supply over here - now!. Hurry"

Hanging up abruptly she hurried back to the bathroom, pausing she knocked gently and waited for the required "Come in" before she entered, Spike sat on the edge of the bath, his head in his hands.

"Spike?"

Raising his head slowly - his expression one of such pain and shattered emotions that Willow felt tears burn in her eyes.

"Gonna clean you up. Okay?"

He nodded, not saying a word.

Willow moved around him, as she reached out to turn on the shower - a pale hand grasped her wrist, there seemed to be no strength in his grip - it was like a ghost, faint almost insubstantial.

Lifting startled eyes to his - she gazed at him quizzically "thank you" he muttered, his voice raw.

Smiling she turned on the shower and stepped back waiting for the water to warm.

"I called Giles - I didn't him what happened, just that you were hurt and here"

"Why?"

"Why what?" she frowned in to sad blue eyes.

"Why didn't you tell him about, about.." his voice trailed off to nothing.

Touching his cold hand she whispered "Not my choice if he knows is it? I won't tell anyone - promise"

His mouth twitched slightly at the honesty he saw in her eyes -  "Thanks"

"That's okay. Now you hop in the shower while I wait for Giles, take as long as you need okay? I've found you some clothes, I'll leave them here - alright?"

He nodded - saying nothing as she left in the bathroom alone - with only his memories for company.

~~~*~~~

Spike shed his trusty duster and hung it on the back of the door - far away from any splashes he was bound to make.

Stepping under the warm spray he closed his eyes - bracing his hands against the cool tile, he let the warm water cleanse him of the stench and fluids of the other vampires - from his torn and broken body.

Spike tried to remember the turn of events that had led up to the horrendous situation he now found himself in.

< Think man think! - you went to Willy's for a pint of O pos and a couple of  whiskey chasers,  they were already there when you got there - bragging about some young girl they'd just snacked on - SHIT! - WILLOW! >

The memories tumbled in on Spike as he stood shaking under the water - he knew now what had happened . He's confronted the vampires - argued with them - blimey! He even threatened them with the bloody Slayer.

< You idiot! - should have kept your mouth shut >

He didn't realise they had followed him back to the crypt - he'd been so annoyed that he had sensed their presence.

Once they had got inside there was nothing he could do, he thought they'd fight then fuck off - not beat him to a pulp and FUCK HIM!

His brain kept flashing images through his mind - a belt whipping across his back, hard hands throwing him over one of the sarcophagus's, pinning him down, ripping the clothes from his body - hands clawing at his exposed skin. He could remember vomiting, the bile burning in his throat as he realised what they had planned for him. His throat hurt from all the screaming - in both anger and pain. The only thing that kept bouncing through his mind was < thank god I took my duster off first! > He shook his head at the absurdity of his thought.

He could smell their cum all over him, his demon had raged in pain and anger - making his head feel like it was going to split in two. It was at that moment he prayed for a quick death - but no escape came.

Not since his early days with Angelus had he felt such fear - Angelus would beat him, reprimand him but he never used sex as an act of torture - even for the most feared in the whole of Europe that was beneath him.

They had each taken their turn with him, the others watching as each vamp had soddomised him painfully - he could smell his own blood mixing with their cum, he knew he was ripped and torn inside - but it would mend in time.

He ached everywhere - the smell of them not leaving with the grimy water as it sloshed down the drain.

Reaching blindly he grabbed a bottle of shower gel form the rack in front of him.

< Soothing herbal? Yeah right! >

Pouring it in to his hands he rubbed every inch of his body - between his toes and even his belly button - not one millimetre of his body was left unscrubbed.

< Still smell em - Why? >

Then he had a sudden flash - the leader had been fascinated by his hair, he had kept stroking it and running his fingers through it even as he slammed in to him- tearing his insides to shreds -  he kept mumbling it was pretty - he suddenly understood why he could still smell him.

<The dirty barstard CUM in my HAIR! >

The memory of the cold dead semen hitting his head had made his demon bellow in fury and disgust. Spike could still feel the vamps hands tangling in his hair as he rubbed the foul fluid deeper in to him.

Spike saw a bottle of shampoo - the bottle pretty and feminine - before him. Pouring nearly the whole of the contents of the into his hands he attacked his head, sinking his nails so deep into his scalp he almost drew blood.

Suddenly Willow's scent was all around him - soft sweet, with a slight undertone of vanilla and jasmine.

 < Willow? What she thinking right now? - Thinks I'm some kind of poof for letting them do that to me - but I couldn't fight them, too many, I had no choice. I tried to get away - couldn't. I was the victim this time around  >

Spike's shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes, thrusting his head under the spray he let the clean water wash the bubbles and shame away.

< If only >

~~~*~~~

Meanwhile Willow sat downstairs - her mind whirling over recent events. She could hear the water still running - he had been in there almost half an hour.

< What do I say to him? He looked so hurt - not just the bruises but his eyes, there was so much pain in them >

Willow jumped as she heard a light knock on the front door.

Jumping up she looked out of the peephole < GILES! >

"Thank god" she cried, throwing open the door.

"There's blood" he muttered, looking at the doorstep dumbly. The red stain turning a deep brown as it dried.

"It's Spike's - come in Giles. He got beaten up by four vamps - he only just made it here before they caught up with him" she explained quickly.

"He led them here?"

Willow nodded, about to tell him how hurt he was, but not the reason, When Giles exploded with anger.

"Of all the bloody stupid things to do - you wait till I see him!" he shouted "I had better call Buffy - she can find them and put an end to this. You could have been hurt - KILLED!"

"I'm fine - I killed them already Giles" her voice calm

"You?"

"Yup - a little daylight spell I've been working on - no need to call Buffy" the young witch told he calmly.

"My god Willow - where is he? I'll give him some blood and get him back to my place - I'm sure you had enough of his foolishness for one night" sitting on the sofa Giles made himself comfortable - obviously expecting a wait while Spike fed and changed - Willow narrowed her eyes at the man.

< How dare he! I only asked for him to deliver the blood - not come in and take over! >

"He's staying here - no arguments Giles, he came to me for help and I'm going to help him. I just needed you to bring the blood over - I'm quite capable of making my own decisions about this" she explained as Giles rose to his feet to argue.

Understanding the expression on her face Giles nodded - what was it Xander used to call it, ahh yeS the resolve face - once her mind was made up there would be no talking her out of it.

"Where is he? Can I at least have a word with him before I leave?"

"He's in the shower - I think he'll be there a while. It would be better if you leave now" Willow told him, opening the front door.

Nodding in understanding Giles handed her the sack of blood bags he had with him, walking out he turned to her - concern on his face.

"Be careful"

"Always. And Giles's?"

"Yes?"

"Tell the other's he's here but make them understand I don't want them coming by. Especially Buffy. This is my choice - tell her if she shows up she won't be coming in and I know some nifty new spells to get rid of unwanted guests. I'll call her - but no visitors for a few days. Okay?"

"I understand. He's badly hurt isn't he" it wasn't a question, Giles could tell by Willow's behaviour that the situation was more than serious.

"Yes he is" her voice low.

"Will he be alright?"

Giles knew Spike was a pain to have around sometimes - but since he'd been helping them the older man had become quite fond of the cocky vampire. He had quick wits, brains and a sardonic sense of humour. All in all a tough nut - if he'd come to Willow for help it meant he really needed it - if there was one thing Spike hated doing was asking mortals for help.

"In time" she answered simply "Night Giles"

"Goodnight Willow - tell Spike I'll call round some time next week okay, and if you need anything, anything at all - either of you, just call okay?"

"Okay" Willow told him, as he left he brushed a quick kiss to her forehead, Willow watched as he disappeared in to the inky night.

Closing the door she laid her head against the soft wood, collecting her resolve and thought when she heard a slight noise behind her - turning she saw Spike walk stiffly down the stairs.

Dressed in a pair of black boxer shorts and an oversized robe, knotted loosely - his eyes downcast.

"Hungry?" she asked softly.

Spike nodded, not raising his eyes to hers, he moved slowly to the sofa as Willow went into the kitchen to fix his mug of blood.

As she waited for the microwave to beep she glanced at the clock < 4.30am? Only an hour? It feels like a lifetime > jumping at the beep she took the warm blood back to the lounge - taking a deep breath before she entered. Seeing Spike walk across the room, his movements usually so graceful and catlike had nearly destroyed her, he had walked so stiffly and in such obvious pain that she had to get away.

Returning she saw that he hadn't moved form his place on the sofa - handing him his mug he murmed a thank you and guzzled it down hungrily.

Willow couldn't take her eyes off him - his face - that used to be so animate was now like looking at carved stone, no emotion no smirk or saucily raised eyebrow - nothing.

Putting the mug down he moved as if to lean back - a growl of pain making her look at him sharply.

"Spike - would you like some painkillers?" a soft blush covered her face as he turned to her and frowned.

"Can vampires take painkillers? Would they work? Or I could put some antiseptic cream on your cuts and stuff - it might help - I think we have some that has an analgesic in it, it might help?" her babbling over she looked at him, biting her lip with worry that she'd said the wrong thing.

"I'll try anything at this point luv" he told her, his voice raw - as if it was hard to even speak without feeling pain.

Willow jumped off the sofa and ran up the stairs to the bathroom - after making sure everything she needed was in the first aid kit she sprinted back to his side - slightly out of breath she gasped.

"Take these" handing him three painkillers and her fathers best bottle of scotch from the liquor cabinet.

< He can hardly O.D can he - he might pass out but at least he won't be in any pain >

Spike smiled and took them from her with thanks - tossing the pills down his throat he washed them away with the scotch.

"Er I'd probably be best if I start where it hurts most" Willow theorized.

Spike said nothing , he simply shrugged the robe from his shoulders -  cursing in pain as the material scraped his injured flesh.

Willow sucked in a breath - she knew he was hurt but how badly, his back seemed to be one giant wound.

On closer inspection she could make out both vamp and human bite marks, fingernail sized cuts and a criss-cross of whip marks. Taking a deep breath she began to apply the cooling cream - Spike hissed at moaned at the contact of her gentle fingers.

"I'm sorry - I'll try to be quick" she murmed - tears clogging her throat at his sounds of agony and distress.

Willow worked as gently and as fast as she could - she couldn't believe the mess his body was in, she knew they had beaten him up before - before the rape, just not how savagely.

Once she was finished with his back - Spike said nothing but presented her his wounds on his chest and legs for the same treatment.

At last it was over and Spike finally looked at her - slightly shocked to see tears running down her face.

"Luv?" he croaked, damning his voice for it's weakness.

"I'm sorry - I should have tortured those barstards for what they did to you - they got off damn easy for this" she told him, wiping a shaking hand across his face.

"Thanks anyway - think I could sleep for a week now pet - you fixed me up good" he lied glibly.

"Liar - but come on, you can stay in the guest room - it doesn't get a lot of light and it's got thick blackout curtains for when my Nana stays, she hates any light when she's sleeping" Willow explained motioning for him to follow her up the stairs.

~~~*~~~

Once upstairs Willow lead him to the room - it was large with a double bed in the corner, a bookshelf and a couple of other pieces of furniture dotted about.

Decorated in blue and cream - from the carpet, to the bedspread and the heavy velvet drapes - Spike liked it, but then again he would have liked anywhere as long as he could of slept.

"I hope this will be okay - if you need anything just call - I'm right next door" Willow told him as she left, closing the door softly behind her.

Spike lay back on the bed, throwing an arm across his eyes in a vain attempt to banish the demons and nightmares he knew would plague him all night.

As he drifted in to a fitful sleep he found himself back in Willy's bar - sitting not five feet away were the four vamps, the leader was bragging loudly about the young cheerleader they'd shared that evening for supper.

"Tasty little thing wasn't she - always like em young and tight! The girl was soooo tasty! As I was ramming in to her and she was SCREAMING her pretty little lungs out  - that was when her blood was sweetest I reckon! Don't you boys?"

This was answered with a chorus of yells and howls - Spike looked over at the group and felt almost envious. They could hunt and feed and although rape had never been Spike thing - he had even been known to eat a few rapists in his time - the seduction of young flesh was always fun.

"So what's next - think we should go after that Slayer I've been hearing so much about?" the leader asked.

Spike's ears perked up at the mention of Buffy's name - then his demon roared when he heard their next comments.

"I've been watching her - she's got a pretty little redhead that runs around with her - think her names Willow - so I was thinking you boys think that as the blonde was so sweet, that the redhead will be spicy?" laughter followed.

The leader quieted them down "How about we take the redhead  - have some fun and leave her used, and of course abused, corpse laying in the Slayer's yard?"

Spike had heard enough "Not a good idea mate - the slayer would hunt you to the ends of the earth if you touch her Red" he spoke softly but the four vamps all swung around at his words.

"And just who the fuck are you friend?"

"Not your friend - just giving you some advice, touch the girl and it won't just be the slayer after your arse, it'll be me too" he growled

"You would kill one of your own kind for the sake of a filthy human?" the leader asked, never hearing of such blasphemy before.

"I'd kill you mate for a pack of smokes"

"Just who the FUCK do you think your talking to boy"

" A dumb fucking vampire - MATE - now if I were you I'd take your little gang and get the hell out of Sunnydale, before I tell the Slayer about your little plan. I hear L.A is lovely this time of year" Spike stood slowly, his coat billowing out behind him as he turned - now face to face with the lead vampire.

"Your Spike! - we heard about you, running with the slayer, killing your own kind - how can you sleep at night?" the vamp roared as Spike opened the door to the bar.

Turning slowly he cocked his head and gave a sly grin "Don't sleep at night - mate and another thing"

"What?"

"Fuck you" and with that he was gone- leaving a seething group behind him - he never saw the evil light flash in the leader's eyes.

< Pretty for a vampire > he nodded to his flunkies "Follow him"

Walking slowly after them, his grin widening as he saw his boys stalking the arrogant vamp easily - his mind was obviously elsewhere.

 < No Blondie instead of Red, I think I fuck YOU >.

~Part: 2~

Willow sat on her bed, the need for sleep long since gone - the stillness of the house seemed to hum with sadness - she could hear Spike moving around restlessly in his bed next door.

< I can't believe this is happening! How the hell did he find himself in that situation - he's usually so focused, so alert to his surroundings. Did he stake someone they knew? Piss them off? (He is GOOD at that), owe them kittens? WHAT? What the hell could have made those THINGS attack him? >

Her brain was buzzing with unanswered questions, she knew the answers lay only feet away - but it may have well been a million miles. She'd never get the courage to ask him outright.

< Like you could stand hearing it. Just try to get through tonight, tomorrow can look after itself >

A short cry had her snapping out of her thoughts, she listened closely. Suddenly a pitiful cry seemed to fill the house, like an animal in pain, it reached into the blackness seeking help.

Jumping to her feet she ran, upon entering Spike's room she saw him thrashing around on the bed, in the moonlight sneaking through the partially opened curtain, she could see tears - wet - on his pale, hollow cheeks.

Willow stood in the doorway, nibbling her lip as she wondered how SHE could help him. Watching his body writhe and curl on the bed made her want to weep - he looked so scared, so hurt.

Spike's hands twisted into the sheets beneath him, his nails sinking deep into his own palms. Before she could even think to stop herself, she crossed the room, intending to ease his hand open and save his already tortured skin.

As soon as their skin connected Spike twisted around and flinging out his arm hit Willow square in the jaw, as he screamed "NO" - Willow's head snapped back with the force of the blow and she stumbled falling to the floor, Spike curled in to a ball and began to whimper - slowly coming awake.

Willow - who was getting to her feet, pressed her hand to her face - pain ricocheting through her head, heard a small uncertain voice ask.

"Willow?"

"Yeah - it's just me. Go back to sleep Spike"

"What you doing in here Red?"

"I heard you calling" she answered simply, not mentioning the punch that was still making her see stars.

< Why upset him even more - he already feels like shit, no point me sniping about him doing something he can't even remember >

"I'm sorry I disturbed you" his voice odd, stilted. Like a child saying sorry for breaking a toy, you know their actions have hurt them more than it hurt you - but they feel they had to say it anyway.

"I wasn't sleeping. You want anything? A drink?" as she moved towards the door, to gladly introduce her jaw to an ice pack. Spike's voice - spoken softly - reached out to her in the darkness.

"Don't go"

"Okay" Willow told him, slightly worried at his tone - or maybe it was the lack of one that worried her even more. Standing next to the bed, she looked down at it and stood there uncertainly.

"Could you sit a while?" the voice was so quiet that Willow wasn't sure she had heard him correctly.

"You want me to stay?"

"It's okay. You don't have to, you must be tired - what with me hammering your door down and all" the voice was low - and Willow watched with a gnawing feeling in her stomach as he turned on his side and seemed to curl into himself.

Looking down at him for a moment, she knew in her heart she couldn't just walk away and leave. Summoning every bit of courage and nerve she had - and praying to the goddess's for strength - she slid into the bed next to him.

< You can do this Willow, it's just giving comfort to another human being - er okay vampire - but he still needs comfort after what he's been through. You can identify with that. Can't you. >

Spike stilled as her felt the bed dip, then turning he smiled a little "Thanks"

"It's okay" Willow made sure her sore and throbbing cheek was tight against the pillow, out of sight.

Spike turned and looked at her in the half-light, his face cast in shadows "Sorry I laid all this on your doorstep"

"I already told you. It's okay. I did wonder though - were you nearby? Is that why you came here Instead of Giles's?" stumbling only a little over her words, trying hard to ignore how close to her he was.

Looking in to her trusting green eyes, he sighed.

< What the hell do I tell her? The truth? Oh, I can just see that - it would go down like a lead balloon! - `I came here Pet cos those guys who were raping me - told me they'd sent some goons to get you! And while they were fucking me - kept telling me, over and over, they were doing the same to you' - Yeah can just imagine her reaction to that! >

"Only person I could think of" he told her finally, deciding it was a close to the truth as he could get.

< Not really a lie - needed to know she was okay, that they'd lied and those sick bastards hadn't got her too. Knowing I had to find out if she was okay was the only thing that kept me together kept me alive -as it were >

"Oh"

The silence grew between them, Spike shifted slightly and Willow froze as she felt his arm brush her stomach.

< Your okay Willow - he won't hurt you remember, He's just been beaten and abused - calm down. He just needs some comfort >

Lying there, Spike felt her stiffen as they touched and frowned.

< What's up with her? She's like a statue. Oh shit - I repulse her! PILLOCK! Should have known. Get away from her you idiot - she doesn't want you touching her - she's too good, too pure to have your foulness near. I disgust myself god only knows what she must be thinking! >

"Sorry" Spike mumbled, pulling his arms close to his chest - Moving further away from her.

"What? - Why?"

"Touched you. Shouldn't have. Not clean am I pet" his voice bland and silk soft.

Willow sucked in a deep breath and gathering every bit of courage she could muster, she reached out and taking Spike's cold hand in her own - that was only shaking slightly, drew it across her stomach, linking their fingers together loosely.

"Your anything but Spike. You're a victim in all this and there's no shame in that." Willow told him - she heard him suck in a deep, un- needed, breath before he spoke.

"Plenty of shame Pet. I've only ever been a victim once before and that was the night Dru turned me"

"Why you though Spike? Why did those vamps attack you?"

Closing his eyes, Spike knew he could never let her know why - he decided his only course of action was to make no comment on her question and change the subject.

"Got any clippers?"

"Huh?" frowning at the sudden switch in conversation.

"Clippers? - For cutting hair? I want it all cut off" he explained, not looking at her and running a cut hand through his blonde locks.

Willow looked over at him - her eyes straying to his golden crown, which seemed to glow in the moonlight.

"Why? You've got nice hair?" She reached a hand out to touch it, when she suddenly caught what she was doing and snatched it back.

"Want to change it - need to. So you got any clippers or not?" his voice suddenly hard and guarded.

Willow could here the defiant tone in his voice "My dad. He's got some. If your sure?"

"I'm sure - would you do it?"

< I can still feel that bastard touching me - still smell his cum all around me - got to get rid of it >

"ME! But I've never ."

"Don't have to be Vidal bloody Sassoon Pet! Just want it gone"

"I could try"

"Good enough for me. You sleepy?"

< Please say no - please Willow, I need it gone now >

"Not really why?"

"Want to cut it now?"

Willow nodded < the sooner I get this over with the sooner I can stop thinking about it > by the time she had sat up and swung her legs to the floor Spike was waiting, with the door open.

"Your eager" she tried to smile, she really did, but he looked so stricken, so devoid of all emotion when he told her quietly.

"I just need it gone"

"Well better get started then hadn't I"

Spike followed her from the room - waiting patiently while she grabbed a towel and the clippers from the bathroom - after explaining it would be easier to clean it up in the kitchen Spike followed - silent all the while.

~~~*~~~

Spike sat a towel around his shoulders and a shaking Willow behind him - she held the clippers tightly, glad that Spike hadn't noticed the bruise on her jaw - she'd checked when she'd ducked into the bathroom.

Switching the clippers on - the buzz filling the kitchen. Willow took a deep breath "Ready?"

Spike nodded, and waited as he felt her run the blade across his scalp - his hair falling in clumps around him - Willow was a little startled to see how dark his natural colour was.

A soft fuzzy brown - the colour of milk chocolate - appeared with each swipe. Soon Spike hair was about an inch or so all over. Turning off the clippers Willow brushed as much of the loose strands away as she could.

"All done" she whispered, hoping it was okay - praying it would be okay for him.

She watched with baited breath as Spike ran his hand across his head - feeling the soft fuzz beneath his fingertips.

"Does it look okay? I'm still a handsome devil right?" he tried to joke.

< Don't give a fuck if I'm as bald as a coot - couldn't stand having it anymore >

"Yeah - it looks good on you - kinda look like a young Richard Gere, you know when he was in `An Officer and a Gentlemen' - but more rugged" she added for good measure.

 Spike chuckled "Richard Gere huh? - well that's not too shabby"

Sighing slightly he stood, brushed his clothes down and in turning saw the bottle of scotch sitting on the countertop, snagging it he wandered in the direction of the lounge.

He turned to ask Willow to join him, when he saw her about to start cleaning up the kitchen floor, as she bent to pick up some of the larger clumps he shouted, louder then he meant to.

"DON'T! I'll do it"

"It doesn't matter - I can do it. I don't mind" she assured him, slightly worried about his sudden change in demeanour, and the bottle of scotch clutched tight in his hand.

Willow hated people drinking, hated the way it changed otherwise nice sensible people in to idiots - and worse. It always amazed her how the simple process of fermentation and time could produce such a destructive medium - that so many people on the planet either relied on, or abused it. She knew he'd drunk some earlier - but not a lot, the bottle was still almost full.

"It's my mess - I'll clean it up"

Willow knew he wasn't talking just about the floor - shrugging she went into the lounge and left him to it.

Ten minutes later he returned, Willow was slightly shocked to see the once full bottle - was now very nearly empty. Plopping on the sofa next to her - he smiled slightly. The alcohol had seemed to have done a lot to improve his disposition.

It was almost like looking at `normal' Spike again. Willow could have almost kidded herself that the events of the night hadn't taken place at all. That it was all brought on by late night pizza and cheetos. That was until you looked in his eyes - the clear blue was still there, icy and calculating - but now sadness seemed to reside in them too - that hadn't been there previously.

"I'm really dumb you know Red. I should have realised that they wouldn't have just let it go. Thought I could best them - that I was better than them, like they were beneath ME. Huh sure proved me wrong didn't they? They got me so angry though pet! The things they said about you - should have just told Buffy - should have warned you to keep an extra vigilant watch for a while. Hey, I could have protected you. Then this would never have happened" Spike rambled, his voice slurring a little.

Willow frowned "ME? - I don't understand Spike. Give me the bottle I think you've had enough" Willow tugged the bottle from him, in the mini-tug-of-war that followed, her hair swung back to reveal her bruised jaw.

"What the fuck? How the hell did that happen?" Spike reached out to touch her cheek, Willow recoiled from the contact - an old habit.

Spike glared, his anger rising as he felt shame slide over him once more. Grabbing her by the shoulders, he hauled the scared girl in front of him - his whiskey scented breath making her gag - bringing memories to her mind that she had long thought banished.

"Tell me!" he snarled.

 "Spike, don't!" - She cried seeing her fear he let her go.

Willow was on her feet in seconds - all but running around the sofa -  she didn't turn her back on him once, her eyes never leaving his face.

"It was you - you were sleeping and you cried out. It's okay it doesn't hurt - I didn't tell you cos I didn't want to upset you. I'm going to bed now. Night" she turned to dash away when his voice stopped her.

"I'm sorry I scared you. I like my girls begging for more not mercy" he growled - then seeing her frightened expression he felt instantly ashamed.

< All she's done is help you - don't take your crap out on her. Look she's terrified >

"Sorry pet, just the booze talking. I'm sorry I hit you grabbed you.. want me to leave?"

"No - It's okay, just don't grab me anymore okay. I don't like being grabbed Spike" her voice small.

Spike decided to let the comment go - he really didn't want her to leave him alone, not just yet.

"Would you come watch some T.V- I don't like watching alone?"

Willow looked has his worried expression and nodded; she sat on the sofa, but left a space between them.

Spike flipped the remote and began scanning through the channels "What do ya fancy Pet?"

"I don't mind - you feel like fun or thinking?"

Spike looked over at her and frowned "Huh?"

"Cartoons or documentaries?" explaining her codes with a small smile.

"Oh - cartoons - anything but `Bugs Bunny' - bloody thing drives me mental!"

"Right um how about `The Simpsons'? Or `Ren and Stimpy'?"

"Any `Tom and Jerry'?"

Willow raised an eyebrow at his choice - then laughed outright as he whispered conspiratorially "How do you think I really got my nickname Pet?"

" SPIKE! THE DOG? - `that's my boy' and all that? Oh that is priceless!" Spike grinned, glad to hear her laughter - he had always loved Willow's laugh, it brightened even the worst of his days, and this was certainly one of those.

She was still giggling as she flipped through until she found the cartoon cat - which was as always trying to catch that pesky mouse. They watched in silence - that was until `Spike' the dog came on the screen - Willow flicked her eyes to Spike and howled with laughter again.

"Hey - no telling anyone. Lose my cred!"

"Your secrets safe with me" Willow paused as soon as she said it, she felt his eyes on her and heard him whisper softly.

 "I know"

~~~*~~~

Spike stayed with Willow all week, his nightmares were still there - his physical wounds were healing but the mental ones would fade but never completely heal. Willow knew this and helped him as much as she could.

His new hair had taken some getting used to - Spike explained that his hair would grow back, but because he was a vampire, it would longer than a mortals.

True to her request none of her friends came by, they had each phoned wondering about her: A. safety (Buffy), B. sanity (Xander) and C. virtue (Giles).

Angel had even phoned but Spike had refused to talk to him, explaining to her that he couldn't talk to his sire yet - he would chip away until he found out the truth and Spike didn't want him or anyone else to know. Willow could understand that so she fielded all questions on his behalf.

Almost a week to the day after the attack Willow explained to Spike that she would have to go out for a few hours - telling him she had to go to class and pick up some assignments, telling her he'd be okay, he plastering a big smile on his face as she left.

 As soon as the door closed he suddenly felt too alone - abandoned , it was almost akin to when Angelus had left him with Dru and Darla.

He lay on the couch and tried to get some sleep, thinking that if he slept away the hours she would be back sooner. Almost as soon as he had closed, his eyes the dreams had come thick and fast - he awoke in a cold sweat - sitting up straight his eyes flashed around the room, almost expecting his attackers to be there - mocking him, trying to grab at him again.

< Shit Willow where are you? Need you here. You keep the demons away >

He stumbled from the couch and went in search of a drink - any drink - finding a new bottle of Tequila; he uncapped the bottle and settled in for a long session.

~~~*~~~

Willow returned a couple of hours later - Spike was sprawled on the couch, the empty bottle at his feet.

"Oh no - Spike?" she asked hesitantly.

Bleary eyes stared at her "Hi Red" he slurred.

"What happened?" she asked motioning towards the empty bottle.

"I got raped Pet - thought you knew" he sneered, anger at her desertion clawing at him.

"I know - I meant the drink?" sitting stiffly on the armchair

 "Couldn't sleep - well could sleep but I kept dreaming, thought they were here. Stupid huh seeing as you made them go POOF!" he giggled wildly, dropping the bottle and watching as it spun across the room.

"Spike - I'm sorry I left. I thought you'd be okay, I had to go to the shops"

Spike's head snapped up "Class" he growled

"What?"

"You told me you had to go to class - so just where you Red? Off seeing some new lover boy - had a scratch that needed attention? Should have asked I'm sure I could have helped out. Unless you think that I don't swing that way anymore?" Spike spat.

Willow shook her head "Nothing like that, for god's sake Spike I don't think like that! I had somewhere to go - it had nothing to do with you!"

"At least you could have told me the truth - I know I don't count as nothing more than a nuisance to you - but I don't like being lied to!" he shouted back - anger burning along with the effects of the alcohol.

"You're not a nuisance! What the hell is going on here?"

"Nothing"

"Yes - you have something to say to me so say it" her patience had finally snapped - she didn't fear him any the less but she sure as hell wouldn't be used as his verbal punching bag .

"Leave it Pet" he growled, looking through the drinks cabinet again -  spying a half bottle of vodka he grabbed it and took a swallow.

"Spike! No more drink please - talk to me!" he was really scaring her now - he had seemed to be getting better, deal with what had happened to him, but now he was like he was that first night.

Drinking and lashing out at her.

"What do you wanna talk about Pet? How I can still hear them laughing, still feel them ripping the clothes from my body, being held down - fucked - by each of them. Not knowing where their hands were going to touch me next - not knowing which part of myself to try to defend. I see it every night. Every time I close my fucking eyes! I see them, feel them, hear them -smell their cum on me. Know what it's like to get butt fucked do you Red? It's not fun, not unless it's done right!  Vamps have more stamina than people luv - they can keep going and going - like the fucking `energiser bunny' they are. So still wanna talk do you? - Wanna talk about how I crawled out of there - CRAWLED! - They didn't see me because they were arguing over which one was gonna go next! Seems they forgot whose turn it was to RAPE ME next - and you know what luv, I crawled all the way to you! Had to see you were okay! That's why I came here to see YOU!" he bellowed.

Willow stood staring at him, his words falling over themselves in her mind.

 < ME? >

"Spike don't please. I don't understand. Why are you attacking me? I only tried to help. What happened to you is not my fault!" she cried - scared of his next words, his face had become an evil mask - making her think of the time in the factory.

"Yes it is"

"What? How the hell is this my fault?" she raged - taking a step back as he lunged at her - grabbing her arms and scowling into her face - the alcohol making two of her to his blurred vision - he shook his head and focused slowly on her face.

"They didn't want ME Pet" he saw realisation dawn, and wished, in that moment, he could snatch the words back.

 Her eyes went wide and filled with tears - she shook out of his grasp and stepped back, her legs bumping in to the sofa, he saw her about to fall back and went to catch her.

Righting herself she put up her hands to stop him "NO"

"Willow - sorry, so sorry shouldn't have said anything. Not your fault. Forget I said anything. Please" he begged.

Her face was pure white - making her eyes an unnatural shade of green, she suddenly spun and ran to the kitchen. He could hear her heaving into the sink, the acrid smell of vomit filling the air.

Spike followed her; she was staring out of the window - water running in the sink to wash the evidence away.

"Willow?"

"I'm sorry - I don't understand any of this. They wanted me? They wanted to do THAT to me? Why?"

She wasn't looking at him and for a moment Spike was glad of that. He couldn't see that look again - shattered, ashamed - guilty.

< shouldn't have said anything - damn drink!! Look at her boy - you've all but killed her >

"Buffy" he told her simply.

"What?" she asked turning, her face ashen, lips trembling as she took in the once proud man before, a man who had taken her place in an horrific attack that would have surely left her dead.

"They knew you ran with the Slayer - I heard them - said they were going to go after you. Leave you as a warning for Buffy. I told them not too - told them if they did I'd be after them. Must have followed me, I was so angry over what they'd said I didn't pick up on their presence until it was too late"

Willow could only stare - why did he have to tell her now - why today?

"Thank you" she whispered, not looking at him anymore.

"Pet?"

"I said thank you. I must have a `come rape me' vibe huh?" her voiced hitched.

Spike tilted his head, considering her words - when suddenly the meaning crashed in on him.

"Oh shit"

"That's where I was - earlier? Rape counselling session. Once a week, for the last four years"

"Four years? You were 16?"

Willow nodded "I can't - don't ask. Please. Want a coffee?" her tone flat.

"Willow - I was never going to tell you. I'm sorry"

"I think that should be my line. So coffee?" she began moving slowly around the kitchen.

He could see her hands shaking; damn her whole body was shaking!

She reached out to the radio and turned it on.

"Give me minute okay?" she asked softly - Spike nodded and headed back to the lounge, he heard her fumbling around. Water running, cabinet doors opening and closing the radio played softly in the background - when suddenly as a song started it was turned louder - not by much but louder. He could hear Willow's voice singing softly along with it - sobs crashing through with some of the words.

[I'm here just like I said,Though it's breaking every rule I've ever made.My racing heart is just the same.Why make it strong to break it once again.And I'd love to say I do - give everything to you.But I can never now be true.

So I say. I think I better leave right now -before I fall any deeper.Think I better leave right now - feeling weaker and weaker.Somebody better show me how - before I fall any deeper. I think Ibetter leave right now.

I'm here so please explain, why you're opening up a healing woundagain.I'm a little more careful, perhaps it shows.But if I lose the highs at least I'm spared the lows.And I would tremble in your arms, what could be the harm - to feelmy spirit calm.

So I say, I think I better leave right now -before I fall any deeper.Think I better leave right now - feeling weaker and weaker.Somebody better show me out - before I fall any deeper. I think Ibetter leave right now.

I wouldn't know how to say - how good it feels seeing you today.I see you've got your smile back, like you say your right on trackbut - You may never know why, once bitten twice is shy, if I'm proudperhaps I should explain - I couldn't bear to lose you again.

I think I better leave right now -before I fall any deeper.Think I better leave right now - feeling weaker and weaker,Somebody better show me how - before I fall any deeper. I think Ibetter leave right now.]

Spike wandered softly back to the kitchen, pausing in the doorway he saw her staring into space, the words of the song seeming to rip at her very soul - crossing to her he touched her arm lightly - she screamed and spun around - upon seeing him she broke.

That was how it seemed to Spike - she simply broke, pulling her into his arms he held her tight, his own tears falling with hers - she struggled for a moment, not liking being in his embrace - too close.

"I won't hurt you" he whispered, sobbing she gave up fighting and crumbled into him. He heard her muttering softly -pulling back he caught her mantra.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, so sorry, I'm sorry"

"Shush Pet - please. I never wanted to upset you. I got so angry, no not at you - never at you. Willow you have to understand I'd go through that a thousand times over to keep you safe. I just - I got -  dammit Willow I was scared and angry and when you came back - and said you been someplace other than what you told me. I flipped I thought you'd gone to meet some bloke -a little love in the afternoon and all that"

"Never even had love at night" her voice low.

"Huh? Oh I see - but you and dogboy? I thought?"

"That's what everyone thought. He didn't know - no one knows except for Xander and now you, he thought I was frigid - why do you think he looked elsewhere. I was a virgin before that night. I don't think I'll ever have a NORMAL relationship" Willow looked up at him and winced as she realised what she had said - stepping out of his arms she turned and began making coffee.

"Do you want to tell me what happened? Who was it Willow?"

"I don't know - that's the scariest thing, He wasn't caught because I didn't tell anyone - not my parents, the police no-one. He could still be out there. He could be someone I know, someone I pass on the street - because I never spoke up he could have done this again!" she hung her head - the pain of that night was still so close - always too close.

Silently handing Spike a mug she walked into the lounge - sitting on the sofa she stared into space, neither of them talked for a long time.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that Spike - if I'd known I would have, have I don't know - hurt them even more. Done something - anything.

"There is one thing you can do for me" Spike told her, his long dead heart hurting over the pain her saw flash on the young girls face.

"What's that?"

"Don't be alone forever - you've got too much love and compassion to keep to yourself. You need a man to love you - all of you"

"I don't think I can Spike - I'd freak if someone touched me - understand?"

Spike nodded "But you kissed Oz right? I saw you do that - maybe you just need time"

"Maybe" she smiled.

"Come here" he spoke softly "Tom and Jerry's on in a minute"

She nodded and sat next to him on the couch - neither of them touching, or speaking - whenever `Spike' the dog appeared on screen they grinned at each other - Spike took his hand in his and held it loosely, Willow froze for a moment but looking in to his soft eyes she left it where it was.

Night fell quietly over Sunnydale, inside a pretty little house, two people drifted off to sleep, their heads touching together in their shared slumber, as for the first time in many days - no demons or attackers raped their dreams.

~Part: 3~

Spike never returned to his crypt, he couldn't face it. He had tried once with Willow at his side - a few weeks after the attack. They had stood outside for over an hour - Spike summoning the courage to just open the door.

Willow had watched and waited, giving him all her strength as he finally pushed open the heavy wooden door.

Spike stood on the threshold - his eyes cloudy as he replayed that night over in his mind.

The beatings, the pain, the voices bouncing off the cold stonewalls -  all clamoured for attention in his mind.

< I can't do this - I can't go in there - Blood hell Red why did let you talk me in to this >

The crypt itself was exactly the same as the night he had fled - his clothes strewn across the floor, ripped and bloodied. Dried blood, his blood, coated the side of one of the sarcophagus's.

"No-one's been in here?" Willow asked quietly, her voice a little surprised - her eyes moving slowly over the scene before her.

"No - they wouldn't dare. The other vamps know me - or at least knew me. I'm the `Big Bad' remember?" his voice gruff in the darkness.

Looking down at the little witch Spike knew he could never go back in that place again, and told as much to Willow.

"So don't" she answered simply.

"Where am I gonna stay Red? I could find somewhere new I guess - wanna help?"

Willow shook her head "No"

"Oh - course not. Things to do I suppose" his voice showing traces of the hurt he was feeling.

< Thought we were friends >

"No dummy - I mean you don't need somewhere new"

"I'm NOT staying here. I CAN'T!" he insisted - fear in his voice.

"Who said you would have to?" she frowned, getting a little lost in the conversation.

"YOU DID!" his voice rising, anger tickling at her brain.

"For a smart vamp you really are a dumb guy you know that. I meant - why not stay with me. The basement's been kitted out as a games room. My parents did it years ago. Wanted me to have `my own space' -  really it was somewhere to send me when their loud obnoxious friends came over. You can stay there. Not like they're ever home anyway - plus I could use the company" her voice was quiet - suddenly shy as he stood watching her.

Spike thought for a moment, his head tilted in consideration - then a huge grin spread across his handsome face - now completely devoid of any injuries.

"Think your parents will go for it Pet?"

Willow smiled "They already have - I told them you're an old friend of Giles's, that you've just moved to America - starting a new life. Not a complete lie is it?"

Spike nodded in understanding - it would be a new life, a life in which he had been made a victim. His life would now be a catalogue of memories -in which he would remember them as either 'before' or 'after' THAT night.

"I guess not"

"So wanna live with me Spike?" Willow asked, a little uncertain of his desire to move in with a fellow 'victim'.

"Sounds like a plan"

Willow reached a hesitant hand to him - his eyes lit on it for a moment, understanding how much courage that small action had taken - Spike took it gently, his fingers closing around hers.

She looked up and smiled "Let's go home"

"Yeah - like the sound of that" he grinned - then paused as he saw mischief dance in her eyes - Willow laughed as she told him, in her best `cartoon dog' voice.

"That's my boy!"

"Bloody hell! Wish I'd never told you that!!!" he laughed - setting off across the graveyard, he looked down at the little redhead walking by his side.

"So I better start calling you `Junior' huh?"

"Try it and I'll set Buffy on you!"

"Anything but that!" he laughed, walking towards his new home - with a friend he never thought he'd have had a few weeks before.

~~~*~~~

Getting Spike settled into the basement was more work than Willow had counted on.

They had painted the walls either cream or white - anything to get some `natural light' into the dark space - the only light was two long thin windows that ran along the wall at ceiling level, so at least Spike could have some light, adding some velvet covers over them meant he'd be able to walk around though in a nice non-fatal way.

Xander had offered to put some dividing walls up, the once large room now had a walled off area that was his bedroom.

Spike had slowly become reacquainted with the group. Weary at first in case they asked too many questions - until he realised that Willow had warned them not to - all they knew and needed to know was that he had been attacked whilst protecting her.

Spike had felt a little sick when he heard that part, but he kept quiet - Xander had told him that Willow had explained that she'd killed the attackers when Spike had led them to her place, after he was beaten. Spike had only nodded in agreement and kept quiet.

He could tell Buffy was burning to know, but she hadn't asked - out of respect for Willow's wishes, Spike thought that told him a lot about how much her friends valued and trusted her to tell them anything she felt they needed to know.

Once the walls were up and new carpet laid - with much swearing from the assembled men on how it done `properly' - the fun of interior design begun!

Spike left it to the girls - and they went wild.

It seemed that Spike had some money tucked away for a rainy day - quite a lot of money it seemed - which was lucky for him, because with those girls having a shopping spree (on someone else's money) that rainy day had arrived - but as it was it had turned in to a MONSOON!

Soon though, with them all the helping Spike's apartment/basement was complete - sitting back on his first night there he looked around - pleased with what he saw.

The creams and whites of the walls had been broken up by different colours - or `accents' as Anya kept telling him.

The lounge had splashes of red and gold, the kitchen green and silver, the bathroom was left a stark white - right down to the towels, and his bedroom - oh his bedroom! It his favourite room - Buffy, Anya and Willow had decided on blue but had argued on which shade, which is how Spike now had every shade of blue imaginable - from electric to baby fought for attention.

His furniture was pine and all in place - including his new bed.

Spike smiled as he remembered the shopping trip to find it.

The whole Scooby gang had ended up going. Willow and Buffy had played on the bunk beds; Giles had seemed to favour a large waterbed.

< Go figure? >

Anya and Xander had almost got kicked out of the store - they had been told, politely, by three different salesman to not `test' out any more of the beds - Spike had wandered away from the blushing teens, his eyes drifting over the many styles and beds available until he saw it - his bed - it just screamed `Spike' a king-size pine monster, heavily carved and slightly gothic looking - with a headboard of intricately carved columns.

Buffy didn't like it at all - oh, she had when he'd first chosen it -  the dislike had set in as they had tried to manoeuvre it down the basement steps!

It was just the two of them as Willow had a late class, Giles was meeting Olivia and Xander and Anya were having sex, Spike knew this piece of riveting information because Anya had called and told him, Spike had a sneaking suspicion that she had called during daily sex- a-thon!

< Nice!!! >

"Why the hell didn't you get a single?" Buffy griped, tugging and pulling the monstrosity down the narrow stairs - Spike who was at the other end grinned "I like lots of room"

Buffy rolled her eyes "Yeah right - haven't noticed anyone rolling around with you lately?" shouting as the bed skidded down a few of the steps.

"OI WATCH IT!"

"Sod off - so WHO has been rolling around with you then Spike?" Spike just raised an eyebrow and said nothing.

< None of your damn business >

"Willow?"

Spike's head shot up and his eyes narrowed "Willow already told you that nothing like that's going on - why don't you believe her?"

"Willow told you I asked that?" a blush creeping up her cheeks.

Nodding Spike continued "We're just friends - nothing more" thinking he'd finally got the message through he bent and started pulling the bed in the direction of his room.

"Why?"

Spike frowned and paused in his exertion to look puzzled at the Slayer - she stood arms crossed looking a little angry.

"Eh?" completely lost now with this conversation.

"I said why not Willow?"

"NOW you WANT me to date Red?" his eyes wide at her statement.

Buffy shrugged, walking over to help again she asked "Your one of the few men she seems to let get close - I mean close as in sit next, stand next to - I don't see her do that with anyone else but Xander and Giles. Your cute, for an evil blood sucking demon and she's pretty - you look good together - anyway she's always happier when you around" smiling slightly at his shocked expression.

Finally sliding the bed in to position, she straightened and turn to him "I'm outta here - just think about what I said okay. I don't know what happened when you got hurt - but I do know it brought you two closer together, don't throw the chance away. Oh and if you hurt her I'll make you pray for sunlight, got it?"

Spike nodded dumbly as the slayer smiled and left.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Spike felt a little shell-shocked. His mind replaying what she'd said.

< Me and Red? Slayer's right Red is pretty, gorgeous in fact but, but Nah it would never work. She needs someone better than me! Someone who'd be gentle - not my strong suit. Stupid Slayer! But I wonder. >

He had feelings for Red - there was no denying that. Protecting her was what had put him in this situation in the first place - just the thought of those bastards touching the small girl had his demon raging.

< Could it work? I could be gentle - couldn't I? I'd never hurt her, be patient, give her - us - the time WE need to work out our shit. Wonder what Red would think of it though? Don't want to scare her off >

As he sat there he heard the door of the house open above him, Willow's soft footsteps crossed the lounge into the kitchen, pausing by the fridge - for a soda - then more soft steps as she crossed to the door at the top of the stairs, he heard a small knock and called out "Come in Red".

Walking into the lounge he waited while she came down the stairs, a smile crossed her face as she saw him.

"Hi - everything finished?"

Spike nodded as she sat next to him on the couch, a small gap between them - just enough to be comfortable without being noticeable, not like the chasm she used to insist on.

"Yup" he told her, sitting back as she stayed and chatted for a while. Telling him about her day, her assignment for class - history - Spike was good with that seeing as he'd actually witnessed most of the major points in it! - When it was time to leave she stood and bid him "goodnight"

Spike had sat and listened to her for more than an hour, laughing at her chatter - adding his own thoughts to her homework. As she stood to leave he had the sudden realisation that he needed her - not just in a sexual way but in a `she completes me' way.

Catching her soft hand in his larger one, he smiled in to her startled eyes and never breaking the connection between them he pressed a soft kiss to her palm.

Willow frowned and sat back down, like her knee's didn't know how to support her anymore.

< Good sign! >

"Spike?"

"Yes Pet?"

Looking at him quizzically she asked "What's going on?"

"Oh - um - well you see the thing is. Bloody hell. Look I like you, you know that right?"

Willow nodded "I like you too"

"Good - well. I'm not going to push - you know I'd never push. I .. This I a lot harder than I thought it would be!"

"What is?"

"Me - asking you. If you want, would - could. DAMMIT! Look, a relationship - me and you. What do you think?" his voice low - his soft blue eyes never leaving her face.

"OH - I oh. What brought this on? You know.. I haven't, couldn't" she stumbled a little - feeling flustered, and a little overwhelmed by his announcement.

< He wants me? Like that? - I can't - dammit he's cute though. And sweet, kind, funny gorgeous!!  Could I be with him like that? He knows about me. He's been there - he understands. I just wish I wasn't so scared. >

Biting her lip she looked at him really looked at him - confusion in her eyes - but something else he saw in those green depths made Spike want to jump for joy.

< INTREST!! I can see it! She's interested. There's a good dollop of fear and confusion in there too, but interest never the less! >

Taking her small hand in his he smiled at her "You brought this on. Your a beautiful girl Willow. I know your past" as her head dipped he placed a gentle finger under her chin and lifted her face to his once again "like you know my past - we have done nothing wrong Luv - so why should we be punished. I won't push you on this - I just want you to consider it"

She nodded "I won't lie Spike - I've thought about this - us - too. I'm just not sure I can ever be more than friends, with anyone. The thought of being intimate - it still scares me. You know it's not you don't you? Can I think about it?" her voice worried.

Spike nodded "Of course - I told you I won't push" - just knowing she found him attractive, after all she knew was a big step. Then to find out she'd been thinking about it too! - BONUS!

"Night Spike" Willow rose and left - Spike tilted his head watching the little witch leave - "Night Red" he whispered as he heard the door close softly behind her.

~~~*~~~

Climbing in to her bed that night, Willow thought of the cute vampire sleeping in the rooms far below her.

He was gorgeous - Willow couldn't deny that < I'm not blind! > His sweet, caring, funny personality had been a surprise though, a nice surprise.

< Could I? Could we? He wants me. Like that! I want him too. Oh SHIT! The question is Willow can you get past your past and maybe, just maybe have a future with Spike. >

Willow lay awake for hours, thinking of all the pro's and con's - okay so maybe there was no downside to this and only lots and lots of con's - just thinking about him made her tummy go squishy ( in a good way of course)

< All you have to do Willow is go down those stairs - I'm sure Spike would take over from there! >

Finally unable to take any more doubts she sat up, her resolve face firmly in place she went in search of Spike.

Knocking gently on his door - getting no answer she took a deep breath and went in. Looking at her watch she was al little surprised to find it was 4.00am.

Willow's bear feet padded softly across the carpet to his bedroom. Knocking on the door, this time she heard a mumbled.

 "Wasisit?"

"Spike?" she whispered, pushing the door open, she saw him sprawled face down on the bed, his arm bent under his head - his face turned towards her.

< He looks like a child! All sweet and snuggly >

"Pet? You okay?" he asked, sitting up slowly, drawing the covers around his waist - leaning back against the headboard - his chest bear to her gaze, rubbing his hand absently over his shorn head.

Spike was thankful he'd worn boxer shorts to bed - he smiled at her as she nodded, taking in her bare feet, pale green shorts and t- shirt. Her face looked a little worried, but she had still come to see him.

"Come in" he whispered - wondering why he did, they were the only ones in the house but deciding that it was the darkness that had made him do it - not the fear of her bolting at any sudden noise.

 "Hi" Willow told him - walking slowly to the bed and sitting down on the edge.

Spike waited for her to speak again - he could see so many emotions flashing across her face that he really didn't know why she was there - fear, confusion, wonder, realisation, and finally one that made his long dead heart jump -HOPE.

"I um - I've been thinking about what we were talking about - about me and you, us. About us being together."

Spike nodded - his whole body going tense as he waited for her decision.

After what seemed like forever she lifted her head and looked at him "I'd like to give it a try. You have to understand though that if. if I can't - it's not your fault. It's mine - okay? Just all this junk in my head still"

Spike nodded and crawling towards her slowly across the bed  looked at her seriously "Not your fault - none of this. Remember that okay? For me" Willow nodded, thankful that he understood her fears.

"Can I kiss you goodnight pet?" he whispered - Willow froze for a second - thoughts crashing through her mind - pushing them away she smiled and told him softly "I think I'd like that"

Making no move to hold her, Spike lent forward and gently brushed his lips across hers - Willow sighed at the first contact and screwing up every bit of courage she had - kissed him back.

Spike's brain screamed! The feeling of her warm lips sliding against his own made him want to hold her so much - digging his nails in to his palms he resisted the urge to pull her tight against him.

He could feel the tension coming off her in waves but she kept on kissing him - her lips a little clumsy and inexperienced at first - but that only added to the sweetness of the moment.

Taking a deep un-needed breath Spike pulled back - Willow opened her eyes and smiled.

"Okay?" he asked, a touch of concern in his voice - but a moment later he knew it was unfounded when she threw caution to the wind and placing her small soft hands on his thighs leant in for another searing kiss.

Spike was still reeling from the contact when he nearly jumped out of his skin, as he felt Willow sweep her tongue along the seam of his lips - groaning he couldn't hold off any more - opening his mouth under hers he was rewarded with a sigh and a shy tongue sweeping into his mouth.

Spike barely knew how he was keeping things together - flexing his fingers he slowly reached out and lightly wrapped his arms around her waist, Willow paused for a moment - pulling back she looked at his worried expression and smiled, curling her hands tentatively around his neck - Spike grinned as he lowered his lip to hers again, almost growling in pleasure when she began stroking his nape with her short blunt fingernails.

Willow was in heaven - his hands holding her felt wonderful - rather than feeling worried about his hands she felt exhilarated, his touch was light, non threatening and Willow was responding to him more because of it.

Spike had never thought a simple kiss could make him feel so alive - he wanted her in the worst possible way but knew if he took things to far to fast she'd run, and Spike decided that kissing Willow was one of the most erotic and sensual  acts he had ever partaken in.

Spike and Willow continued their gentle explorations of each mouths, Spike growled low in his throat.

 Willow moaned - pulling back she looked at him a little shocked, her lips red and full from the many kisses they shared.

"Did you just growl?" she asked, laughter in her voice - her eyes holding a sparkle that he`d never seen before - Spike nodded "Yup - sorry"

Willow shook her head "Don't be - I liked it" Spike just raised a scarred eyebrow at her "I'm not scared of who or WHAT you are Spike -  I think I should be going to bed, don't you?"

Spike grinned at her "Don't have to - fancy a cuddle?"

"Um, not sure I should."

Spike frowned sitting back on the bed - "Won't try anything pet - trust me?"

Willow smiled "Always - not sure if I trust myself though" laughing at the shocked expression on his face, willing herself on Willow lay next to him.

"Just keep your hands to yourself Pet" he laughed looping his arms around her loosely - Willow giggled and lay her head against his chest, feeling safe for the first time in years - yawning she told him "I'll try"

As Willow drifted off to sleep Spike thought of the progress they'd made that night, he didn't just want a simple tumble with Willow - he wanted her, all of her - if he had to wait forever he would. He'd never rush her - never wanted to.

< I can wait - but lord can she kiss! >

Smiling he closed his eyes and let sleep take him - his dreams full of a certain redhead.

~Part: 4~

After that night Willow and Spike didn't sleep apart again - nothing more had happened between them - bedroom wise, they just couldn't bear to be apart.

Willow was content and more importantly comfortable with the kissing and cuddling Spike - for now.

She still couldn't quite believe that she had gone to his room that night, had fallen so easily in to kissing him - had even kissed him back. She was glad she had - it was as if a part of her had broken free, she could finally feel like a `normal' girl in love.

< Whatever the hell that's meant to feel like! >

She hadn't told Spike how she felt, and he hadn't said the words to her, but she knew the words would come in time. Just as the more physical side of their relationship would emerge - Willow was sure of that, being with Spike was a revelation: he was open, honest and his sardonic humour was infectious.

 Spike on the other hand was finding things more difficult, they had been 'together' for nearly a month now, kissing and holding Willow night after night was great - but he was rapidly wanting more.

His demon cried out for Spike to claim the redhead - but Spike was a patient man.

 He had waited 126 years to find Willow - he could wait a few more months, or even years until she was ready to take the next step in their relationship.

< Think too much of this to ruin it now - don't know how I'm gonna be anyway? Jesus those people have fucked us up pretty good ain't they >

Spike knew, and understood Willow's fears because they were the same as his - granted he hadn't been a virgin when they'd taken him, but his control had been taken away. That hadn't happened since before he'd been turned.

Spike thought back to a conversation he'd had with Willow the previous evening. They'd lay wrapped in each arms on his bed - just talking and holding each other.

"Spike?"

"Yeah luv?"

"I like this"

"What's that pet?" he asked kissing the top of her gently, smiling down at the young girl.

"You holding me, just being together - but I'm worried" her voice was soft in the stillness of the darkened room.

Spike frowned down at her - tilting her face to look in her eyes, he did indeed see worry buried in the green depths.

"What about Pet?"

"Us -or there never being a proper `US'. I know you've not pushed or pressured me like you promised - but I know you want more. I do too -  it's just." her voice trailed away, her eyes unable to look at him anymore.

"Just what?"

"I'm scared of it - you know making love, sex. When it happened before I was terrified and it hurt so much"

Spike went still, she had never told him about her attack, always saying it was best left forgotten. Now it seemed them being together had opened the wound for her again.

"Tell Me," he whispered, not wanting to hear about it, not wanting to hear her explain how she'd been terrorised - knowing how angry it would make him, but she obviously needed to get it out of her system.

Holding on to him a little tighter she began, her voice small and shaky.

"I was walking home from Xander's - I always walked home alone back then. We never knew what lurked around in Sunnydale in those days, didn't know about the demons and vampires. I was crossing the park - it was getting late and I knew it wasn't safe, but I had homework to do and I needed to get home quickly," her voice begged him to understand why she'd taken such a remote route home.

Spike nodded, letting her know he knew what she was asking.

"It was raining - I hate the rain. Anyway, I ducked through the alley past the swing set - I thought I heard footsteps behind me, but I put it down to the rain. I didn't know there was anyone behind me I swear. Not until - until - until he grabbed me." her voice shook - her eyes misty as she relived the time in the alley.

Spike tightened his hold on her, he could feel her shaking but no tears fell.

"He pushed me against the wall - it smelled awful down there, the wall was cold on my back, slimy - I tried to push him away, I tried. When I screamed he hit me and held a knife to my throat - told me if I shouted again he's slit my throat. I didn't shout anymore, I never made another sound - he ripped my panties off, he sc. Sc. Scratched my legs when he did that and it hurt, he didn't say anything else just put his thing in me -  hard - I mean - dammit you know what I mean."

Spike was rigid, he nodded at her childish terminology - knowing that was how her mind remembered it - it showed him how young she was when it had happened, how inexperienced.

"I wanted to scream so bad - tell him no but I couldn't speak - couldn't breathe. The pain was like a knife inside me - he slammed me against the wall so hard that I hit my head, I must have blacked out because when I came to I was lying on the ground - my skirt around my waist, his stuff on my thighs and he'd gone. I ran - just ran - I didn't even realise I was home until I was standing on my porch" that was when the tears started, fierce sobs raking her small frame - Spike held her close.

Her words had made him feel sick - she had been so young, scared, innocent of the world - and in one sick barstards moment of madness that innocence had been stripped away.

Spike knew that if he ever found the person responsible for Willow's attack - chip or no chip Spike would have his vengeance - slow, painful and bloody vengeance.

"I tried to stop him - I did. It wasn't my fault was it Spike? I didn't wear skirts for years after that - thought I'd `made' him do it - that I was dressed too provocatively, that`s what he kept saying - telling me I was `asking for it`. I wasn't was I Spike? - I'd worn that outfit a dozen times to school and the teachers never complained, Short-ish green skirt, dark green shirt - my little black jacket. I used to dress better before" a sad smile on her lips as she looked at him.

"Willow if you'd walked through town naked that it was no excuse for what happened - you understand that right? What happened when you got home? What did your parents say?"  Spike whispered, brushing his lips across her hair. Knowing there was more to come he steeled himself for it.

"Nothing - they weren't home. Business trip. I came in and found my dad's gun - thought the man might have followed me, thought he knew where I lived, I don`t know if I`d have been able to use it - but I knew I didn`t want to ever feel that pain again. I went and got in the shower - that's all I remember until Xander and Jessie found me the next day"

"You were alone? Jesus pet - you must have been terrified. Hold on, what do you mean when they found you the next day?" Spike frowned - his eyes never leaving her face. Willow bowed her head in to his shoulder, her voice slightly muffled as she continued.

"The boys came by because I didn't show up for school - they thought I was sick. When they got there, I was sitting in the bathtub - the shower still running over me. I was blue with the cold - I'd been there all night and all day and I didn't remember a second of it! Xander lifted me out while Jessie made tea - What is with hot sweet tea when ever there's a crisis? It's not gonna make anything better is it? Anyway I told them, we cried, Xander punched a few walls - then we went back to normal"

Spike tipped her face to his and whispered "Normal for everyone else eh Pet? Never for you though was it?"

Willow nodded "I changed - wouldn't go out alone, slept with the light on - I still do sometimes. My parents thought I was going crazy because I kept asking them not to go away on trips all the time - to not leave me alone"

Hugging her tight, he told her - his voice leaving no shadow of doubt over the truthfulness of his words "You won't ever be alone again okay? I'm gonna be with you forever - every night you will be by my side - every morning you are gonna wake up in my arms - understand?"

She nodded slowly - believing every word he spoke, one doubt still lingered and she knew she had to voice it if they were ever going to have a future - have the forever she craved so much.

"Spike - what if we can't..I can't ever be with you? Have sex with you? Your not going to be content with what we have now are you? Not forever"

Her eyes looked so sad, so worried of his answer that before he said anything he dipped and kissed her softly - groaning low in his throat as he heard her small sob at the sweetness of it. Pulling back he lifted her chin - his eyes full of such compassion and understanding that she struggled to keep her gaze on his.

"I would be with you without any of this - no kisses or cuddles. You touch me Willow, inside I mean in a way no one else ever has. If we ever make love it will be a bonus of our relationship - not the crux of it"

Willow nodded "it's the pain I'm scared of - when he. That man. When he had sex with me that night it hurt" her words sounding childish even to her ears.

"That wasn't sex Willow - that was control. He hurt you because you were a virgin, because you didn't want him. There was no love - no time -no getting used to each other's bodies. He just took what he wanted and didn't care if he hurt you to get it. Remember Pet rape is never about sex, it's about forcing someone to do something against their will - controlling your body and mind with violence - that's not love is it? Not what making love is about - at least not for the majority of people. It's about sharing yourself with another person, sharing an experience that will bring you both pleasure"

"You are an amazing man Spike - I don't why I never saw that before?" her eyes filled with tears over the honesty of his words.

"I never let you see it before. I always knew you was the special one of the group. You always went out of your way to help people, never wanted anyone to feel like they didn't belong. Jesus I heard you had even forgiven Angelus for nearly killing you!! That takes a special person Red"

"What happened to Angel wasn't his fault - just as it wasn't our fault what happened to us. I could identify I suppose"

"Like I said - a special person" Spike kissed her softly - trying to erase the memories she had brought to the surface of her conscious mind.

Willow slept fitfully that night - Spike held her through every nightmare - through every cry in the dark and when she awoke the next morning she smiled as she realised that she was safe in his tight embrace, his head leaning against her own as they'd slept.

Willow looked at the man sleeping next to her and thought of the reason that had brought them together.

She wished with all her heart that it hadn't taken that - that their feelings could have grown from something other than violence and pain, but they were together now and she just prayed that they could stay that way.

~~~*~~~

The Scooby's noticed Spike and Willow's burgeoning relationship - though no comment was made they were all happy for the witch and her vampire - all except Xander who was, as usual blissfully unaware of anything but his search of  sex, sugar and Twinkies.

In was during one such sugar search that Xander became aware of his best friends new love interest.

He walked into Giles's kitchen with the certain knowledge that the ex-watcher must have some kind of candy products hidden away somewhere.

< What is it with the British!! Do they have something against CHOCOLATE!! >

As he entered, his nose twitching for any indication of their hiding place, his mouth fell open in shock as he watched Spike lower his head and kiss Willow gently, her arms moving slowly round his neck to draw him closer.

"WHA.. ? HUH.? WILLOW!!"

Spike turned and grinned at the open-mouthed teen , chuckling softly as he heard Anya exclaim from the lounge.

"Xander's found out. Can we ask Willow for details now?"

"Think I'll leave you two to chat" he told a blushing Willow, dipping his head he kissed once more before pulling back to leave - she nodded mutely and watched him walk away.

<  I hate to see him leave but I love to watch him go! OH bad Willow!! NO DARN IT!! He's my boyfriend! OOO Boyfriend? I like the sound the sound of that! >

Looking at her friend she grew slightly concerned over the ashen colour his face had become. "Xander? You gonna breathe again anytime soon?"

"You..Him.lips.. With the kissing?" he rambled, his brain scrabbling to comprehend what he had just witnessed.

"Yeah. Me and Spike - you okay about this. I know he's not your most favourite person in the wor." but she was cut off mid-sentence by Xander wrapping her into a huge hug.

"I'm glad you found someone Willow - I've always said your too special to be alone" he told her, still hugging her close.

"Oxygen becoming an issue" she giggled as he stepped  back - then suddenly her eyes filled with tears and she began to cry softly.

"I love him Xander" her voice shaking with emotion as she looked in to her best friend's eyes.

"So why the tears? Hey has he hurt you because if he has." he never got to finish his threat - Willow shook her head silencing him.

"He knows"

The boy didn't have to ask what - he knew. His heart clenched at the memory of Willow telling him, it would be forever painted in his mind.

 Her battered body - her tears.

They had been so young. `The Three Stooges'  Him, Jessie and Willow -  always together, playing pranks, going out, covering each others backs.

Until the night when one of them really needed it.

He and Jessie should have walked her home - he would never forget how shattered she had looked when she had told them what had happened.

It was a bright sunny afternoon, sitting in Willow's lounge - she was huddled on the couch wrapped in blankets, her eyes still a little shocked, Jessie was sitting at her feet - his eyes misty as he looked from one friend to the other - trying to comprehend the words she was telling them.

He was pacing - not knowing what else to do. He paced back and forth - his mind joked that Mrs Rosenberg would be real mad if he made a groove in her carpet.

 Willow's voice had been eerily calm as she explained why she hadn't been at school.

Xander could remember ever part of that day so clearly - the worry he and Jessie had shared at Willow not showing up for class - she would have to real sick or dead not to show up for a science test they had reasoned, vowing to go there straight after school had ended.

How scared he'd been when he'd walked into her house and realised the front door was unlocked - no lights were on - and the only sound was one of running water.

 Xander had no idea what he would find when he burst into the bathroom - but finding Willow almost blue from the cold, sitting in the bathtub naked - ugly bruises cover her pale skin, a shiny handgun laying on the edge of the tub - no expression on her face, wasn't even a consideration.

He had lifted her out of the bath, not one word spoken between them -  Jessie had run off to make tea for some unknown reason, pocketing the gun with an almost casual air - carrying her down the stairs wrapped in a bath towel, she still hadn't spoken.

It wasn't until she was settled on the couch, wrapped in a blanket that the words had poured from her.

Xander knew that at that moment his childhood had ended - the moment he had found out his best friend had been raped.

Snapping back to the present he looked into her clear green eyes and told her softly "You told him" he knew the answer - but he had to say the words.

He knew she had never told Oz.

 According to the musician - sex - or the lack of it was the `nail in the coffin' of their relationship.

Oz had quizzed Xander many times on why Willow was `frigid' - Xander hated that word with a fiery passion - Xander had begun to hate the young boy for it, he realised he didn't know about Willow's past, but if he'd cared for her at all he would have accepted her decision to wait.

Xander's mind replayed a confrontation he'd had with Oz in the library a few weeks before the pair had split.

"So what's Willow's deal?" Oz had asked - they were meant to be Demon cataloguing - which had turned in to a marathon chat about the girls in their young lives,

"What do you mean?"

"Well  I know she's a good friend of yours - but is there anything I should know?"

"Like what?"

"About why she won't `Get with the lovin' we've been dating for almost 3 months and nothing! - ZIP!"

Xander felt his anger begin to rise - Oz's next words tipped him over the edge!

"I mean the `No we should wait' and `Not tonight - I have homework' is getting kinda old. Think she's the kind of girl where `No' really means `Yes'?"

Xander grabbed the shocked boy by the throat, slamming him against a nearby bookcase - snarled in to his face "NO OZ IT DOESN'T! When a girl, any girl says NO it means NO - got it?"

The guitarist nodded quickly, shocked by his friends reaction.

"I just thought."

"Well don't! listen to me and listen good. If Willow says 'NO' that is what she means! Try anything and the Dingo's will be looking for a new band member - got it. Unless you want to be up on a charge for `date rape' I think you better start thinking that what a girl says, she means. Date rape what a stupid fucking word - rape's rape pal, if your dating the girl it just makes it worse cos she thought she could trust you - and liked you enough to spend time with. So Oz whatever Willow tells you in the future - I'd make a point of doing EXACTLY what she says!" tirade over Xander walked away - not surprised when the couple split up a little while later.

"Xander?" Willow's soft voice brought him back to the here and now.

"Yeah - sorry. Zoned out for a moment. So you were saying, you love him and he knows - So  what's going on Will?"

"I..I.I want to be with him - you know. I just don't think I can" her voice quiet so nobody could hear.

"Is he pressurising you?" frowning at his friend

"No - he says he'll wait forever -which he REALLY means - it's just, Oh Xander I want to be WITH him - I'm just not sure how to go about it"

"Oh - OH - um I see. You wanna know how to BE with Spike as in the naughty kind of way? - OH um Shit Will - I don't know how to answer that? It has to be your decision - your not freaking about the idea at all?"

Willow nodded "That's the problem - I'm not scared of the THOUGHT of being with Spike - I'm just worried that if we start something , and I can't go through with it."

"He won't stop?"

Willow nodded sadly - she sighed and leaned her head against Xander's chest, not seeing Spike walk back in to see how things were going between the two friends.

Xander put a finger to his lips telling Spike to keep quiet and whispered to Willow "Do you think that if you told him you wanted him to stop he couldn't or wouldn`t?"

Spike's eyes went wide as he realised what they were talking about, he stared at Willow's back as he heard her mutter.

"I'm not sure - he's a passionate guy Xander - I think he'd want to stop but maybe he wouldn't be able to - like what if I get him to the point where he doesn't want to?"

Spike closed his eyes, fighting back a sigh as he heard his Redheads fears - she wasn't scared of him, but HIS reaction to HER - if he couldn't control himself to stop if she wanted him too - at any point in the proceedings.

Smiling at Spike`s expression he knew Willow wouldn`t have to worry about that, the man seemed to have more control than anybody else on the planet.

 "I don't think you'd have to worry about that Willow - if he loves you like you love him.." Xander stopped when he saw the vampire's mouth drop open.

"He doesn't know I love him - I haven't told him yet." she whispered.

Xander and Spike looked at each other for a moment "I think you should tell him - talk all this stuff out before you go any further"

"Really?" Willow asked, raising her head to look up at her best friend - it was then she noticed he wasn't looking at her, but at someone standing behind her.

< Oh god NO!! he heard me? >

She turned slowly as she heard Xander murmur "Really" before he left them alone.

Spike stood before her, his eyes shining with happiness "Love you" he told her - before picking her up in a passionate embrace.

Willow sucked in a deep breath as she left the ground, her lips clinging to his - drawing back she smiled up at him "I love you too"

Spike laughed as he set her down - then his features turning suddenly serious he whispered against her lips "Whenever we're together Willow - remember you only have to say the word and I'll stop - however far along things are. Okay?"

Willow blushed as she realised just how MUCH he HAD heard then told him "I'll remember that - I'll let you know when I'm ready okay?"

"I can wait"

~~~*~~~

Now that the secret of their relationship was out - both Spike and Willow had had a lecture from Giles about their conduct together, the main point seemed to be "No sex talk in my house - I have enough from Xander and Anya" - the couple had taken that as a sign of his blessing.

Buffy was over the moon they were together, she'd threatened Spike not to hurt her friend - but that was a normal best friend `thing' to do anyway.

Anya had wanted juicy details - sulking when Willow refused, and informing them that if they wanted they could borrow some of hers and Xander's many `toys` -  Xander had nearly died from embarrassment - while Giles's went in search of whiskey with a grumbled "Bloody Hell"

Xander - he had been the most supportive of them all - he knew about Willow's past, and wished them luck for the future, telling Willow that if she ever wanted to talk he was right there.

Willow took him up on that offer a month after her declaration of love - she called by Xander's basement - thankful that Anya was out.

"Hi Will - to what do I owe the pleasure?" Xander asked, clearing his dirty laundry from a chair so she could sit for a while.

"I have a question that I think you could help me with"

"Of course - I am a font of knowledge - as long as it's not to complicated cos you know - not that good with the - book learning-" he laughed; tapping the side of his head for emphasis.

Willow laughed "No - um - it's kind of personal"

"Oh - about you and `baldy' boy is it?" loving the new nickname he'd given Spike - Willow's next words, softly spoken, soon wiped the smile from his face.

"I need your help - how can I seduce Spike?"

~Part: 5~

"Wha..? Spi..? SEDUCE!!" Xander rambled , his eyes wide, his mouth opening and closing like a codfish.

"Uh huh" Willow's voice was shy, her head lowered, her eyes flicked to Xander's astounded expression.

"Um Will - SO not sure I'm the right guy to ask?"

"Why not! Your the only one of us in a steady relationship - Buffy's single, I know she has the hots for that Riley guy but I really don't see it working out. That leaves Giles, and he's you know kinda old and I would die of embarrassment just TRYING to ask his advice!"

"Okay. Not gonna argue with your reasoning there, but I'm hardly Mr- stud-u-like! I've had two girlfriends and a one nighter with Faith!" he grinned a little at the memory of that night.

< Score one for the Xand-man, bagged myself a slayer - so she tossed me out STRAIGHT after, still had a SLAYER! >

"So tell me how you and Cordy kept your relationship going. It was hardly based on mutual interests was it?" Leaning forward to listen.

Xander sighed and rubbed a hand across his face. Knowing that his best friend wasn't going anywhere until he helped.

< I can't believe I'm trying to fix things so Willow can get with the undead! >

"Well with me and Cordy it just kinda happened. Our first kiss was in Buffy's basement of all places!"

"What brought it about? You had hated each other from Kindergarten!" a frown on her sweet features.

"Being mean - as usual. We were calling each names and then suddenly it was snog-o-rama! After that, we danced around each other for a while until we realised that maybe there was more than tawdry teen lust involved. You know the rest"

Willow nodded at the memory, knowing she'd played a part in ending their relationship wasn't her proudest moment, although it wasn't as if they'd planned any of it.

Spike had kidnapped them, she had thought she was going to die - she just wanted one moment of passion before she died.

All she'd bought about was guilt, pain and a gaping wound in Cordy's mid-section.

< Funny to think about Spike causing all that? It seems like a lifetime ago >

Xander could see the guilt on Willow's face and instantly felt ashamed - it wasn't as if she'd been the only one there!

"Hey - it's okay - me and Cordy never would have gone the distance anyway. Plus if we'd been together I wouldn't have had that one nighter with Faith" he waggled his eyebrows as he said the dark haired slayers name - it had the desired effect and Willow laughed.

"Right - So how DID you and Faith hook up? -  I know demons were involved again - but how did you end up in bed?"

"She told me to take my pants off and threw me on the bed!" his face quite serious at Willow's startled expression.

Willow's eyes went wide "OH! Very romantic - but now your with Anya. You seem happy enough"

Xander smiled at the mention of his girlfriend's name "We are - but then it was hardly romance city with her. We went to the prom together remember?"

Willow nodded, frowning slightly as she waited for the rest.

"But then `Big Snake and `world in trouble' made her run for the hills. When she came back she announced we had a `relationship' - I didn't think we did so she came over to `get me out of her system' - and said the only way she could was by us having `sexual intercourse' - HEY don't laugh you know what she's like! - Anyway as I was SAYING , I wasn't so sure about that , until she took her clothes off! Told me it was `ridiculous to have interlocking bodies and not interlock' - after that we just kind of stayed together. So there we go my feeble love life. Not very romantic was it?"

Willow laughed outright at her friend's puppy dog expression.

"You had two girls throw themselves at you and your COMPLAINING! - only you Xand, only you!"

Willow moved from her chair and sat next to him on the couch - feeling the distance would make her next words harder to utter.

"What I mean Xand is..Well - Damn - what do you find sexually arousing? - I mean would you like to be seduced?" biting her lip she waited for the answers - but the boy didn't get to say anything.

A loud "EEEK!" came from the stairs - the friends turned and saw a wide eyes Anya standing there "I knew it! Your at it again! Keep your paws off my Xander!" the ex-demon cried, stomping down the stairs towards them.

Willow rolled her eyes "Hello - have Spike now!" - she turned to Xander for support but he was grinning at his girlfriend - when she got close enough he reached out and tugged her into his lap, placing a finger against her lips he stared into her angry eyes and whispered.

"We're not up to anything Anya. Willow needs some adv ice about snagging Spike"

Anya took a moment to digest the information - then mumbling around Xander's finger she muttered.

"Xander move your finger, it smells of fruit rollups! - Thank you - now Willow you need advice on how to `snag' Spike? I thought you already had him! Xander told me all about the hot and heavy kiss he witnessed"

Willow nodded,  a blush creeping up her cheeks as she whispered "I know we do - with the kissing. But nothing else!"

"You've been together a while now though! Is it that you don't find him desirable - sexually?"

"Of course I do! I'm not blind Anya!"

"Of course - stupid question really. He is rather drool some isn't he? - Oh stop pouting Xander and go and get me an Willow some beverages, this could take a while"

Xander did as he was told - shooting Willow an apologetic look as he left her with the formidable Anya.

"Okay - you want him, he wants you - what's the problem?" Anya demanded.

Willow didn't know how to answer - looking everywhere but at Anya she whispered "I've never."

"Your not a virgin Willow - I can sense these things." The ex-demon was curious as to why Willow ducked her head and looked suddenly so sad - then an awful thought struck her and she asked softly.

"Willow - you've never made love but you NOT a virgin. Oh NO! I'm not going to say the word it is too awful to think of that happening to you. I now understand why Xander has always been so protective of you. He knows doesn't he? - Yes of course he knows he's your best friend - but I feel that Buffy doesn't - right we can work though this okay"

Willow nodded - her eyes filled with tears at the girls no nonsense approach to life - and she was still so new to it too.

"Willow - your leaking! I mean crying. Please stop because I have an odd feeling in my chest, which I think, could be compassion. Right, now. How to seduce a vampire"

Willow suddenly hugged a very surprised Anya.

"You're a good friend - and a great girlfriend to Xander. I thought I should tell you that, seeing as it doesn't get mentioned enough"

Xander came back at that moment and saw the girls hugging - he smiled then frowned.

"Hey! No starting without me!"

Anya pulled back and patted the seat next to her - Xander grinned and lifting her he sat with her in his lap "That's better, we may need your input on this Xander" Anya explained.

Frowning he asked "Why - not like I wanna a learn how to seduce Spike!"

"Honey you're a man remember - we need your perspective on this. Now a vampire's main 'thing' in the seduction stakes - pardon the pun - is biting"

Willow's eyes went wide and she gulped "biting?"

Xander looked at his girlfriend and asked seriously "Just how do you know so much about this?"

She did at least have the courtesy to blush before she told him "Well I did run with Dracula for a hundred years or so - he was very informative"

"Enough information! - back to Willow" Xander said quickly - trying to get the images of Anya and Dracula out of his mind.

< Damn him! Mast. DRACULA gets all the chicks! >

"As I was saying - if it was a one off thing they would normally enthral, bite, shag and then feed. Kind of their equivalent to a one- night stand. But seeing as you and Spike are in a relationship he wouldn't bite to feed, just to claim" Anya explained to the wide- eyed teens.

"Claim?" Xander asked, almost afraid to of fear of what else she might reveal.

"Yes - normally the top of the breast or in some cases the thigh - hardly ever the neck - they only do that if they are worried you'll stray. It does depend on the vamp really and how possessive and confident in your affection he is"

"BREAST! EWW and OWW - I'm really not sure about this anymore!" the red head was getting more worried by the moment.

She looked at Anya and explained "I want to seduce him Anya - you know soft lighting, music, bubble bath, maybe a meal! - this is getting a lot more involved and complicated than I thought"

Anya thought for a moment then grinned "If you want simple - why not just jump his undead bones!"

Xander shook his head "It won't work - Willows um kinda shy"

His eyes telling his friend that he wouldn't tell his friends secret  - ever.

"She kind of knows Xander - she figured it out"

Anya nodded "Yes. I am very astute. Now we need a way where your not threatened but still get the big orgasms! - Time to put our heads together I think. If this is a one time thing you'll have to let him know - for some vampires when and if they claim a mate can take eons, with Spike I think he would have to really love the person he was going to do it too"

"I understand - I want him forever. Think that will be committed enough?"

Anya nodded and began thinking over what Spike and Willow would enjoy.

For the next three hours Willow, Anya and Xander plotted, planned and connived the perfect way for Willow and Spike to be together - in a way that wouldn't involve Willow tying him up ( Anya's idea) or knocking him out first ( Xander's), just a nice sweet seduction scene that they would both enjoy and not be threatened by.

Which is why Spike found himself two days later slamming into Willows house, almost howling in fury!

~~~*~~~

Willow heard the front door open - and took a deep breath.

< It's now or never Willow , You can do this. Just remember what Anya told you and enjoy >

 "Red? You home pet?" Spike shouted form the hallway.

"Upstairs - could you come up here for a moment!" Willow called back.

Taking a deep breath again as she heard his heavy boots thud up the stairs - she could hear him grumbling all the while.

"Bloody stupid Slayer! Kept me out for nearly THREE hours - told her there was no such thing a s a vampire army - but does she believe me NO! - THREE HOURS IN A BLOODY COLD TUNNEL! I could have been here with ...You?"

The last word was whispered as he opened the door of Willows room and caught sight of the scene before him.

Candles littered every surface, soft music played in the background -  the soft scent of jasmine tickled his senses, but it was the shy girl standing before him that made his long dead heart jump.

"Willow?" he asked - not sure if the girl before him was real or not - she looked so beautiful. An ethereal light seemed to shine from within her.

Her glorious red hair fell in soft curls around her pixie face, bright green eyes made up with a light hand, soft lips with the barest smudge of gloss.

Her outfit was courtesy of Anya (as was the new hair do') a pair of short green satin boxers that hit at mid thigh and a lace up top. The ribbons had been a nightmare to get straight. Spaghetti straps showed off her creamy skin to the vamp's astonished gaze.

"Hi Spike" her voice low and slightly  breathless - anticipation dancing in her stomach as she saw the fire flash in his eyes at her `new look'.

Spike blinked a few times - his brain telling his that this was happening, it wasn't one of his more vivid erotic dreams.

"Are you gonna come in?" Willow asked softly.

< Please come in Spike - don't make me think I'm wrong about this - wrong about us >

Nodding dumbly he crossed to her, dropping his duster as he did, standing before her in suddenly too tight jeans,

< Well they weren't a minute ago - BLIMEY she's gorgeous - always knew she was pretty but WOW >

And his, every present, black t-shirt.

Grinning suddenly he pulled his shirt over his head, dropping it at his feet - revealing his pale washboard stomach to her startled gaze.

"Spike?"

"Little bit over dressed. You look beautiful Pet" his fingers cupping her jaw, he kissed her softly.

"Thank you - um hold on a moment would you?" She asked, stepping out of his light embrace she turned to the C.D player and after pushing a few buttons a soft beat filled the air.

< Got to do this right - okay candles, CHECK - music, Check - extremely hot and half-naked vampire, EEP! And CHECK >

As the first few lines of the song was sung Spike bowed a little and asked "Dance with me?"

Willow nodded, stepping into his arms once more she sighed - the words and heavy beat washing through her.

{ If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today? If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way? If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings But I know you are here with me now We'll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed? If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head? If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life? If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away But I know that this much is true We'll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with And I wish that you could be the one I die with And I pray in you're the one I build my home with I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today 'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right And though I can't be with you tonight And know my heart is by your side

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am Is there any way that I can stay in your arms.}

As the songs began to bleed in to each other Spike pulled back and looked down at the young girl in his arms - a slight smile on his face as he asked a question that had been buzzing around his brain.

"Did Buffy know about all this?"

Willow nodded, then moaned as his head dipped capturing her lips, his tongue sweeping inside elicited a moan of pleasure from the young witch.

"Remind me to thank the Slayer" he grinned.

Spike groaned at the noises Willow was making, feeling himself harden at her eager response to him.

Willow pressed herself harder against Spike -  a feeling she had never experienced before began to seep up her spine, as she pressed against Spike she felt `something' nudge her in the  tummy, her eyes flew open as she realised just what it was she was feeling against her.

< Oh My GOD! - He's.. okay...WOW he feels kinda big! >

Spike ran his hands lightly down her back - the satin cool and slick beneath his touch - his hands dropped to her bum, pulling her even closer.

Willow leant back and looked up at him shyly - her eyes dipped to where their bodies were touching and she smiled a little, her eyes darting back to his as he said softly "Think we're ready for this Pet?"

Spike's voice was hesitant as his own fears crashed in on him. What if he couldn't do this? Oh he wanted too - make no mistake about that, and physically he was fine.

It was his mind, his memories.

He tried not to let Willow know how badly the attack had left him - but inside his head it was as if he was still crying in the darkness.

Truth to be told he didn't feel very masculine any more.

 He'd let four - count them FOUR - men attack and violate him in the most heinous way possible - and he hadn't had any means of escape.

He'd tried - he'd clawed and screamed, kicked and shouted - but no one heard, no one came.

No one had saved him.

Looking down at the young girl in his arms he realised with a start -  SHE HAD!

He had instinctively run to the one person who would help.

 She'd taken him in, cleaned him up, and held him through his nightmares, even though in doing so she had reawakened her own long buried memories.

He wished that someone, anyone, had done that for her had been there for her.

 She'd been alone - scared.

 A vision of her huddled dazed and in pain in the bathtub rose before him. Her small hands holding a gun, made him feel sick - she could so easily have turned that on herself, in her fragile and abused ridden state of mind.

Willow had killed his attackers - sent their demonic hides screaming in the very bowels of hell.

Willow's attacker still walked the streets, he may still even see her, pass her on the street everyday and know he was the her `first' know he'd taken her in fear and the barstard had enjoyed it!

Willow would never have justice, never have any vindication for the crime committed against her - but now she stood before him offering only love - and Spike was scared.

Willow's eyes grew sad - sad that she'd been wrong.

Spike was looking at her with such pity and compassion that her heart ached.

< He doesn't want me. Should have known. Damaged goods. Got to get away, let him know I understand - he loves me I know that but he'll never be able to see past what happened. > Her mind screamed. All coherent thoughts had fled, leaving only hate and self-loathing behind.

< He pity's me! Poor Willow so desperate for love she'll throw herself at the first guy who she thinks understands >

"Willow?" Spike's worried voice trickled through her sub-conscious.

She looked up at him and heard him moan.

She didn't know it, but her face was a picture of doubt, despair and rejection.

< YOU DAMN IDIOT! SHE THINKS YOU DON'T WANT HER! > Spike looked around the room noting how much time and effort  she'd taken so everything was perfect - how she looked SO perfect.

Spike didn't know how to reassure her - so he told her the only words that came to mind.

"I love you" - simple, real and true.

Leaning down he captured her lips in a searing kiss - Willow moaned, trying to pull him closer - afraid he'd leave.

 Her lips parted and Spike thrust his tongue inside, exploring her mouth, teeth and tongue gently.

Willow pulled away while she still had rational thought and gazed up at him her tone suddenly serious.

"I love you too, but I understand if this isn't what you really want from me. My past kinda took certain things away - I wished and wanted so much that the first time I `made love' it was WITH the person I loved. I wish I was .. Was.." her voice disappeared, and pulling away she sat on the edge of the bed - her eyes sad as she looked at the floor.

 "Pure for you" the words - spoken so softly nearly didn't reach his ears - but when they did he never knew they could cause such emotion within him.

He was at her side in a moment "You are the most pure, sweet, honest, gorgeous and sexy person I know - Willow look at me? I love you, all of you. I think that since I found out what you went through I've loved you even more - It showed me how strong you were, how much of a survivor you ARE"

Willow smiled "So you do want this?"

"Oh god YES" his eyes travelling over her sweet form.

Smiling she stole a kiss - sweet and innocent until her growing passion took over - kneeling up on the bed she tugged Spike so he faced her - kissing him again and again.

Sending up a silent prayer to the goddess of strength she ran her nails lightly down his bare back.

She felt Spike shudder - his hands moved to her butt, pulling her against his aroused state - he heard her purr low in her throat and smiled against her lips.

Pulling away he took in her flushed face and lust filled eyes.

Raising suddenly shaking fingers he went to pull gently at the ribbons running down the front of her top - he kept his eyes on her and waited for her to nod of agreement before going any further.

Willow bit her lip and nodded - looking down she watched his pale hands carefully untie each ribbon.

When they hung loose and undone he slid his cool skin against her own - her back arched in to his palm, moaning softly as his thumbs stoke slowly across each taut nipple.

The feel of her soft skin against his almost unmanned Spike - she felt like feathers, soft and silky.

He drew in an unneeded breath as she bowed towards him - his hands now completely filled by her flesh, looking down he marvelled at the paleness of her skin - creamy white against his unnatural pallor.

"Willow" he moaned as her own hands covered his - holding him too her.

"Can I taste you Love?" he whispered, her eyes opened and she nodded - thoughts flying through her mind at the expression of need she saw in his crystalline gaze.

Spike bent  and slowly, so slowly , he brushed his lips across her heated skin.

Willow made a small cry of need at the contact - wanting more, needing more - she laced her fingers behind his head and drew him closer to her.

Spike nibbled and lapped at her skin - avoiding the swollen bud for the moment, until he could wait no more - drawing it into his mouth Willow cried out. Holding him tighter and whimpering at the gentleness of his movements.

"Spike!" she moaned - her body shaking as she felt him nip and suckle at her breast, his hand teasing the other.

Pulling him back to her mouth her lips clashed with his, her body on fire as his hands drew the silky material away.

Spike smiled "You taste like honey" he whispered, pulling her gently so they lay side by side - his hands moving over her - leaving no part of her body untouched, apart from the place where she burned the most.

"Spike?"

"Yes Sweetheart?"

"I wanna see you - all of you" amazed that she'd said the words aloud a blush crept slowly over her skin.

"Okay" he laughed - loving the way her body had reddened from her words.

Standing quickly he almost tore the denim from his body - standing naked by the bed for a moment he watched her watch him - her eyes travelling over his face, chest and then down, down to where his desire for her was most evident.

Holding out a hand Willow waited as his large fingers closed around hers and he joined her again, burying her head in his shoulder she whispered "Your very pretty"

Spike growled "Pretty! Hey `Big Bad' here Pet! Not meant to call me pretty"

Willow giggled "Sorry - but you are - all of you is" her hands slow at first then building in confidence began a slow tortuous journey over his skin.

"Your not cold - kinda tepid?"

"Thought I was hot stuff Red" he groaned as her small hand travelled down his chest .

"Oh you defiantly that too" her voice low as she shyly touched his length - causing him to jump slightly at the contact - suddenly her hand was gone and she was looking at him with surprised eyes.

"I hurt you?"

"In the BEST way - I liked it" he reassured, taking her hand in his own he guided her back to him again.

Willow's fingers grew bolder as she slid her fingers across his satiny skin - the contrast amazed her - soft yet hard, silky but iron at the core.

"Wow" she smiled as she saw his eyes roll back from her light caresses.

"Took the words out of my mouth Pet"

Willow caressed him for a few long moments until Spike touched her hands - stopping her exploration.

"Keep that up Pet and the moment will have come and gone" his voice tight with need. Willow frowned, then realising what he meant burst into peals of giggles. Falling back along side him on the bed - her laughter died in her throat though as Spike propped himself up to look at her, his eyes heated with desire. "Can I see you Willow?" Willow bit her lip and went to stand only for Spike to shake his head - "Let me" Crawling to the end of the bed he ran his hands up her legs - his fingers slipping under the silk on her thighs. Catching Willows eye he saw her nod, taking care not to frighten her , he slowly pulled her boxers down and away - leaving her gloriously naked to his gaze. Spike grinned at her suddenly and cocked his head in a thoughtful kind of way. "Spike?" her voice low - breathless at his look. "Just wondering if you'll taste as good everywhere?" Willow's eyes went wide at his words "You want to..?" Nodding  "Uh huh - only if you want me to though pet" "Okay" her answer a breathy sigh as she felt his lips begin to plant feather light kisses up her legs - crawling towards her he parted his thighs gently, not missing an inch of her skin on his quest for gold.

Willow told herself to relax as he came nearer and nearer to his ultimate destination. "Ready Willow?" the use of her name at that moment wasn't missed by her - letting her know he wanted no-one else. "Think so"

Spike smiled at how low her voice had become, desire clouding her brain. He could smell her arousal - it hung thick and sweet in the air -  could see her gleaming before him, and knowing he had to go slow - ran  a solitary finger along her slit.

Willow sighed at the contact - the feeling of him touching her `THERE' was heavenly.

< OH GODDESS! NICE! MORE THAN NICE! > Completely against her control her hips bucked up - dipping a little deeper , Spike couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as he heard her say his name on a moan.

Swiftly setting a rhythm of soft kisses and swirling touches Willow soon lay panting beneath him. "Spike!" she cried - her hands gripping the sheet for purchase.

"Yes Pet?" - kissing around her mound - never making contact until she asked.

"Please! I need. I need..!"

"Yes? - say the words Willow" he breathed against her skin.'

"You!"

"Here I come pet - gotta see if taste as sweet as you look" and with that his tongue replaced his finger for the swipe along her slit. Spike was in heaven, her flavour exploding in his mouth as her cries echoed in his ears.

"Oh - OH!"

Lapping between her folds Spike knew= she was nearly at the edge of reason.

Two of his long fingers slid inside her, pumping her body slowly - she was tight and Spike wanted her to feel no discomfort when it came for her to take him inside.

As he latched on to her clit a third finger joined the others, sensations flooding her senses as her back bowed at the intrusion and first sign of orgasm.

Careful not to dislodge his fingers, Spike replaced his tongue with his thumb - keeping firm pressure against her swollen nub, building momentum, he moved up her body to watch her face as she `came' for the first time.

His fingers becoming more frenzied, his thumb rubbing her from side- to-side - pushing her ever nearer to delirium.

Willows eyes snapped open and saw him watching her "Spike! Oh - MY - GOD! Oh Spike I don't know what to do!" she moaned, her hips moving like pistons against his clever hand.

Leaning down he kissed her soundly and whispering into her drugged eyes he pleaded "Come for me Willow"

The words had barely past his lips when she came, her body jerking, her hips bucking trying to continue the feeling forever - her head thrashing on the pillow, making her hair move like liquid flame.

Holding her small shaking frame tight, Spike felt the little aftershocks course though her - his fingers hadn't left their home but now they were coated in her essence. Moving them idly he waited until her mind returned to him.

Green eyes opened lazily - pure happiness spreading across her face.

"WOW!"

"Like that Red?"

"GOD YES!" her voice little more than a sigh.

"Think your ready for some more?" he asked, kissing her slowly - knowing that she could taste herself  on his lips, enjoying her little gasp as she realised what the new taste was.

Willow smiled and pretending to think about his offer got a very sour look.

"Think I could stand it" then squeaked as he flipped her on her side - her eyes quizzical as he grinned "Stand it? - trust me pet gonna make you feel SO good"

"Oh" then frowning as he guided her leg over his, cupping his hand behind her bended knee - Willow raised her eyebrows at the odd position.

"Don't want you feel smothered pet - trapped ya know. This way we can go real slow - wanna be real slow with you Red" moving a hand between their  bodies he touched her lightly.

"OH!" Willows head fell back as she realised what he meant - her body responding to his gentle touch, sparking flames in her stomach.

When he was sure she was ready, he took his length in his hand - stoking her sweetness over him he guided his throbbing shaft home.

Willow's eyes snapped open as he entered her slowly, he was thicker than his fingers had been, longer too. Shifting slightly she hooked her leg behind his butt giving him deeper access - a low growl emitting from as he slid in.

They both paused - savouring the moment.

Rocking gently he started an agonisingly slow pace - Willow unsure of what to do undulated her hips, freezing as he moaned as if in pain - she grinned happily as she heard him whisper "Do it AGAIN!"

Together they moved as one - both of them lost in the sensations the other was creating. All previous sexual encounters fleeing from their minds - replaced with a sense of  passion and love rather than possession and fear.

Willow ran her small hands over his back, her fingers erasing any memories of other, larger hands had made. Her hands moved and caressed his butt - digging gently in to the firm globes of flesh - Spike almost whimpered with pleasure - the feelings she was creating was so different than the `other' hands that had grabbed and tortured him.

Spike mind was soon on more pressing matters, he could feel his balls tightening, a sweet pressure building at the base of his spine as `HIS' Red rocked harder against him. Knowing he was on the brink he slipped a hand between them pushing her over the edge.

He heard her cry as her body tightened almost painfully around him, thrusting into her once more he almost howled as he came - his demon roaring for him to claim her but Spike pushed it away, fighting to not let his demon show and in turn scare the girl.

Willow's body seemed to be on a loop of feelings, the pleasure of her orgasm coupled with the delight she felt at the joy on Spike's face as he felt release with her, the feel of his body against hers -  cooling her heated flesh.

A long time later - when Willow was sure her bones had formed again -  she looked over at Spike's peaceful features "Thank you"

"For what pet?" he frowned - fighting sleep.

"For making me feel loved - completely"

"Right back at ya Red - mind if I stay where I am?" rocking his hips so she knew what he was referring to - he was still buried deep inside her, and even in a semi-flaccid state Willow moaned at the sensation.

"OH - uh huh like you there, feels all.. Sexy" blushing as he rocked again, watching her as she moaned again.

"Always wanna sleep like this" Spike purred, running a hand through her tangled curls.

"Always?" her voice a little breathless.

"Yup - I'm not going anywhere. You?"

"Not going anywhere without you." her eyes fluttered closed "Love you Spike"

"Love you too Red - sweet dreams and I'll wake you up in a real sweet way in the morning"

Willow never heard his softly spoken words, she was already sound asleep - leaving a very happy and newly horny vampire to wait out the night, Warm inside her tight body - thinking of the many ways he could wake up his girl in the morning, a sexy smile on his face as he too finally drifted into slumber.

~Part: 6~

Spike looked down at the young girl curled in his arms, her head resting so trustingly on his chest.

The night before had been a revelation for Spike - he hadn't known he could feel such love and tenderness for another being, especially a mere mortal girl!. However, Willow had brought emotions out from him that he didn't even know he possessed.

Love, caring, tenderness, compassion, understanding, gentleness - PICK A WORD - Spike had experienced them all in one short night.

Willow shifted slightly in her sleep, nuzzling closer to him, her warm breath tickling his chest.

< Who'd have thought a few months ago that this would happen - Red and Me together!. I always fancied her, always wanted her. Even when I was attacking her she made me hot, all that innocence and Fire - fear and logic. Who would have thought that the `Big Bad' would find logic girl so appealing! >

Spike glanced over at the clock on the nightstand - 7.40 am - smiling as his thoughts drifting again.

< Fifteen minutes more Pet! >

Spike had decided around 4.30 am that if Willow wasn't awake by 8am he's wake her himself.

< Lonely - wanna play with my witch >

Images of  Willow flashed through his mind as he lay holding her - the moment he'd opened her bedroom door and seen her waiting for him, the moment she `touched' him for the first time - her hands so warm and unsure, her growing confidence as they'd made love.

Truth is told he had been terrified last night, not just of how Willow would react but how he himself would cope. He knew neither of them would ever truly heal but at least it seemed they were on the road to recovery and happiness.

< 7.44 DAMMIT! Willow wake up! >

Spike wiggled a little, hoping his movements would wake her.

< Nope! Not a murmur! >

As Spike let the minutes slip by he found himself just looking at her - her soft features, relaxed completely in sleep, smooth skin, slightly swollen lips, mussed hair and bright green eyes.

< BRIGHT GREEN EYES? HANG ON A BLOODY MINUTE! >

She was awake and had been for a couple of minutes. Spike had been so lost in memorising each of her features he hadn't noticed she was watching him just as intently.

Studying his blue eyes, soft lips that had driven her crazy the night before and his perfect cheekbones, all angles and sharp lines.

"Hi" her voice was soft and shy as he grinned down at her, dipping his lips he captured her up turned mouth in a sensual kiss.

"Mornin' Pet"

Willow stretched languidly - her arms rising over her head, causing her to give a small squeak as the sheet dipped beneath her bare breasts - grabbing the edge she tucked the material around herself and blushed prettily.

"Trust me Pet when it comes to your body you having nothing to be ashamed of - your beautiful. Everywhere!" he purred, watching fascinated as the colour rose again in her cheeks as Willow remembered just how MUCH of her he'd seen.

Spike snuggled her deeper into his arms, loving the feel of her warm skin against his own.

Willow sighed, "Last night was amazing," she whispered into his neck "You were amazing"

Spike laughed softly "So were you Red, I couldn't believe my eyes when I opened the door and you were standing there. I can't believe you got Buffy in on it too!" thinking back on how determined the slayer had been that he stay with her and not return to Willow - wouldn't let him leave the tunnels! Even resorted to asking his `intentions'.

"Buffy wanted to know my intentions pet" he explained grinning a little at the memory, the Slayer had struck her defiant stance and demanded that he tell her about their `future plans'.

"Oh she did? What did you tell her?" her voice nervous of his answer.

"Told her to Sod Off! - funny thing is I don't think it went down too well!"

"I wonder why!" the redhead laughed, imagining her friends reaction to that!

"None of her bloody business though is it? This is between us, no one else!. So did she help with your whole seduction scene?" a smile quirking his soft lips.

Willow shook her head and looking up in to his questioning eyes whispered.

"Anya"

"ANYA!?"

"And Xander helped too!" she put in hurriedly, biting her lip as he frowned.

"So you asked Chubbs and Demon girl's advice?"

"Uh - huh. Was that okay? I mean I didn't really know how to start ... And I wanted it to be perfect"

Spike smiled and kissed her softy "It was perfect - just trying to wrap my brains around Anya knowing  anything about romance - I'm surprised leather and chains weren't involved!"

Willow laughed - relieved that he wasn't mad that their intimate moments had been planned with his once mortal enemies!

"Xander talked her out of that scenario - think she's got a few new ideas now for him though!"

Spike roared with laughter - hugging her tight as he did - he couldn't help but laugh as he thought of the `odd couple' and all the `nasty' things that Anya no doubt had planned for  Xapper!

"You don't mind I asked their advice?" her voice small as she looked at him - worry in her eyes.

"How could I mind!!! I came home from an awful day to find the girl I love waiting for me! Wearing satin and lace and letting me make love to her for the first time! It was the best night of my unlife - and I've had some sweet ones" his hand stroking her bare back, lower, lower until he caressed her butt softly - pulling her to him softly, showing her how aroused he was just by laying at her side.

"OH!" her eyes flicked to his and read the passion she saw clearly in his blue depths.

"Wanna see if we can make it a DAY to remember Pet?" he whispered, his lips mere centimetres from her own.

Willow nodded shyly, her mouth closing the distance and opening under his - he heard her moan as his hands roamed the soft curves of her body.

Her own small hands - so hesitant at first - grew bolder with each stroke against his smooth flesh - making him growl in pleasure in response to her eager ministrations.

Willow suddenly felt strong, lithe fingers part her folds and slip inside - her head fell back exposing her creamy throat to his lips and tongue.

His fingers were soon drenched in her pleasure - making him want to howl with pride over how responsive to him she was.

Knowing he could wait no longer he rolled on his back, bring Willow with him and settling her over his thighs.

The Redheads eyes opened slowly, seemingly drugged on his kisses - looking down in to his grinning face she whispered a little confused "Spike?"

"Wanna see you pet - need to" his voice rough with need, moving her body slightly lower he positioned himself, his eyes on hers as she nodded and rose to her knee's, feeling him nudge at her she lowered her self on to him slowly.

Watching in wonder as Spike clenched his jaw and his eyes rolled back - pure pleasure washing over his passion-filled face.

< Wow!!! Different deeper!  - OH? OH GOD- NICE!! >

Spike prised his eyes open as he heard her gasp, gazing up at the girl above him. She looked amazing, like a warrior goddess - her green eyes fixed on his as she bit her lower lip - all the while riding him slowly, his hands on her hips guiding her  movements.

Spike couldn't help it - he growled long and loud at the vision above him, such beauty a vampire has no right to possess and capture, but he had and he was thrilled at his prize - his fire goddess.

Willow smiled down at him when she heard his growl, loving the way it vibrated through his chest and touched her deep inside. Leaning down, her hips never ceasing their age old movement - until her mouth opened in a surprised 'O' as her sensitive bundle of nerves ground against Spike pelvic bone.

"Oh WOW" she breathed as she captured Spikes lips - rocking against him as firecrackers went off in her brain - dragging her tongue along the roof of his mouth she felt him shudder at the sweet friction it wrought within him, eliciting a cry of pure satisfaction at her awareness of his pleasures as well as her own.

< Thank god I'm already dead! I COULDN'T HANDLE THIS ALIVE!! >

Spike battled with his demon, trying to push him back but he was too aroused - too aware of her tight muscles closing around him in a sweet vice like grip - effectively cutting off all thought from above the waist.

 Suddenly he felt his demon win and his face shifted - revealing his true form.

It was at that moment that Willow eased back down to drown in his blue eyes, only to pause for a moment when she encountered amber instead.

"Don't be scared" he begged, cursing himself - then relaxed as he felt her trace the edge of his brow ridges with a soft fingertip - leaning forward she kissed his brow and whispered " Why would I be scared of you? I love you - all of you" kissing her way down his face until she found his lips and slipped her soft tongue inside, deliberately nicking her flesh so a steady stream of blood flowed into his mouth.

Spike's eyes widened at the sensation of blood, human blood - POWERFUL, WITCHES, HUMAN BLOOD, he sucked the wound lightly, feeling her whimper in delight as she felt him feed from her.

< Minx>

A wave of naughtiness seemed to fill him - flipping her quickly she found herself looking up at him.

< Red what's to play? Let's play! >

Grinning at her he purred "Ello' gorgeous"

"Back at ya sexy" she laughed - arching in to him, burying him deep, nimble legs wrapped high around his back and thrust up - trying to hurry him.

< Close so close! Come on SPIKE!!! Want you baby , need you > her mind screamed.

Spike shook his head "Wait" he growled.

Willow pouted at his words and Spike quickly sucked the pursed lip in to his mouth, making her squirm in delight "Spike!"

"Yeah - Pet "he panted, her body trying to swallow him whole!

"Hurry - please"

Willow moaned as he simply bent and captured a dusky nipple between blunt teeth and nipped lightly, his clever tongue making  her to a quivering wreck of need.

"Please Spike!"

Spike smiled at the need he heard, at the passion her voice held as she said his name.

"Do you love me Red?"

Willow blinked in surprise "You know I do - I love you!" she moaned as he thrust a little deeper, she watched in fascination as his features shifted to `game' face again.

"Will you be mine Willow? Always?"

Understanding now she wrapped her hands behind his head and told him honestly "Until the moment I cease to exist - make me yours Spike!" guiding his head to her breast he shook lightly out of her touch.

"Not there - don't need anyone to have to be able to see it. As long as we both know your claimed that's enough"

Willow frowned then as realisation set in she saw him grin "You mean..." her eyes flicking down towards the juncture of her thighs.

Spike nodded, hissing as he slid from her - Willow closed her eyes on the feeling, savouring it like water to a dying man.

"Ready darlin'?"

Willow nodded - shifting as she felt his tongue slither up her thigh, lapping at the apex - making her thrash and moan "Spike!"

A heartbeat later she felt a sharp pinprick of pain as his fangs sank easily in to the supple flesh at the inside of her thigh - she could feel him drawing her blood from her system, her body seemed to go lax at that steady sucking she was feeling through her satiny skin.

Spike was in heaven ( or a close as he was ever gonna get) her blood and scent overpowering his senses as he drank deep - her life-force washing across his tongue bathing his throat with her sweetness - slipping his teeth from her sensitive flesh he lapped at the puncture marks for a moment.

Willow's breathing was ragged as she felt him slip from her skin - her mind was whirling - that was the most erotic moment of her young life! Feeling him feed from her, his moans as he had - showing her how much he loved her, loved her blood.

Then his tongue was inside her, causing her to buck and moan against his face - his nose bumping her clit in to spasms.

As she was coming down from another high octane moment he was inside her again, his cock filling her more and more with each thrust - pushing her higher, wanting more, her legs wrapped tight around him as he pounded into her - his demon screaming for him to consume her, to take the girl further than ever before.

Willow could take no more - hitting the hard edge of reality she snapped back, crying out her lovers name as she felt herself fall, feeling Spike's release - cool and wet splash deep inside - he followed her into oblivion - her name tearing from his lips.

~~~*~~~

A long time later, when Willow could form a coherent thought she looked at Spike, his features peaceful - like a sleeping lion, relaxed but ready to  pounce.

"Spike?"

"Umm Pet?"

"What was it like?" her voice shy at asking such a question.

"What luv? Tasting you? Making you mine?" his eyes dancing as he saw her blush and nod slowly.

"You taste like heat - hot, consuming, nearly burned me up Luv - when I claimed you I never thought I'd be as affected as I was - I love you, you know that - but now it's like you.make me whole? Complete? Understand?" Willow nodded and told "I felt the same"

~~~*~~~

Spike and Willow were together always after that - months past until one day Willow saw on the news that  a man had raped a young girl in Waverly Park - almost five years to the day of her attack.

She had been distraught when the victims sketch of her attacker came on the TV screen - it was the same man, grey straggly hair, same height, weight, everything - even the tattoo that Willow remembered so clearly, she should do, it had flashed in her dreams so many times.

A dove on the inside of his wrist, she'd seen it when he'd held the knife to her throat.

When Spike had returned she had pored out the news to him, her anger and shame at not coming forward made her feel like this girl's plight was her fault - she could have stopped it if she'd only spoken up - now another girl would have the same fears and nightmares as she - unless he was caught.

Spike had told her not to worry - this time the bastard wasn't getting away with it, not if he had anything to do with it.

Calling Angel he told him his plan, what he'd need - and with Willows permission - why.

~~~*~~~

Angel arrived in record time - striding into Willows house, his features set as he hugged her tightly - Spike growled at seeing his sire holding her.

"Down boy" he muttered - stepping back he looked into Willow's face and for the first time understood the sadness that seemed to be deeply buried in her eyes.

"He loves you doesn't he?" Angel asked softly.

Willow nodded "I love him too"

"Angel - let's get this done huh? Burning moonlight" Spike snapped - then pulling Willow into his arms he kissed her gently.

"I called Xander, he's gonna stay here while we're gone - it could take till daybreak so don't worry - this will be over soon"

Willow nodded then clutching Spike's arm she whispered "Don't kill him"

"WHAT? - I thought?" he shook his head in wonder at her words - then listening as she spoke he slowly understood.

"If he dies that girl will never know he's gone. I know what it's like Spike, to walk along the street and not be sure if one of the guys walking towards you is him - she needs closure on this, we both do"

"You'll get it - come on Sire time to go" Angel just nodded and followed his boy from the house, passing Xander on the way - Angel marvelled over the close relationship the two men seemed To have - brought together by one little redhead.

"Look after her Xand - I'm trusting you"

"Always look after my Will - now go - do what you have to, and Spike?"

"What?"

"Get in a good punch for me" Xander's eyes were cold as he spoke, Spike understood and smiling slightly, nodded.

"Just for you Xand - might even let Angelus get a couple of slaps in -what ya think?" Spike grinned, his old evil leer covering his face as he looked at the older vampire.

Angel smiled too - the sight chilling Xander to the bone - Angelus seemed to be right at the surface of Angel' personality, just begging to come out and play "Think I could talk him in to a spot of violence childe" Angel quipped as they set off.

Xander shuddered as he realised that he had just heard the voice of Angelus and William the Bloody for the first time in years.

Watching the two vampires walk away he thanked the lord he wasn't the one in their sights tonight - even if they didn't kill the bastard who had hurt Willow - he would be seriously fucked up, both body and mind.

Xander grinned at the thought - Angelus loved playing with people's minds whereas Spike just liked the violence - looked like both of them would be having fun tonight.

< I almost feel sorry for what you've got to come you evil son of a bitch - almost > Xander thought before going in search of his friend and keeping her heartily entertained for the remainder of the evening.

~~~*~~~

Willow waited out the night on tenterhooks - Xander had made her laugh and played silly games, but her mind was still on Spike and what may be happening.

When he had made the suggestion that he and Angel find the attacker she had been overjoyed, but now she was scared for both men - her attacker was obviously unstable, there was no telling what he might do.

< What he knows what they are and he kills them? - what will I do? - oh Goddess bring Spike and Angel back safely >

It was almost Dawn and they hadn't returned yet, Xander lay snoozing on the couch after finally crashing out from exhaustion of playing every board game invented - or so it seemed.

Willow paced the room - walking from the window to the clock - her eyes darting over each.

< Where are they? >

Suddenly the front door was flung open and Spike and Angel bundled inside - laughing like idiots.

"Damn childe it's been a while since I felt the sun on my heels like that - swore I heard myself frying!" Angel laughed pulling Spike to his feet.

Spike turned and seeing Willow scooped her into his arms "It's done pet - no boogie man in your head at night okay" Willow nodded - tears in her eyes as she saw the cuts and scraps on his face.

"He hurt you?"

"Nah Pet - I let him hit me, then Angelus I mean Angel here waded in as the concerned friend and turned it in to a bar brawl - He's locked up Red" kissing her softly he took her sobs into him - he didn't want this girl to feel any more pain.

"Ahem" Angel coughed - breaking the pair apart.

Willow smiled "Thank you"

"That's okay - seems you been helping out my childe here"

Willow's eyes went wide and she looked at Spike - his eyes on her as he whispered "Told him, told him what you did for me. What your still doing for me"

"I love you"

"Love you right back Red" his lips settling over hers again - it was at that moment that Xander rolled over on  the couch - only to end up in a heap on the floor.

"What the." he shrieked - then spotting the men he stood slowly "So?"

"Done" Angel told him, a little surprised to see the tears collect in Xander's eyes.

"Where is he now?"

"A cell - a friend of mine from L.A called in a favour - told then she had reason to believe that a suspect wanted in the rape of a minor would be in a bar fight tonight. Worked like clockwork"

Willow nodded - then frowned "How did you find him? I mean how did you know who he was? The police had no leads, anything?"

Spike sat and pulling her into his lap whispered "Seems me and the `big man here' still have a few connections in town - demons don't like rapist's pet, that's even too nasty for them. Therefore, when we put the word out about who we were looking for the news spread. Wasn't long before we got word back on the guy we were looking for - names Clifford Ford - ex-con who ain't been out of prison long. Back to his old tricks it seems. Clem told me he had seen the guy at a bar - left the rest to Angelus, he always did like a good brawl"

Angel smiled at the comment "been a while though - wasn't that hard to set up the fight. Knew the cops would be called and then asked Kate to give the nod that the rapist would be among the wounded"

Willow nodded finally understanding "thank you so much - you have no idea how much this means to me" a sob catching her off guard as a feeling of peace settled in her stomach.

"No more - he's gone right, and if what I hear about people like HIM in prison, he ain't gonna last long" Spike voice was soft, pleading almost.

Willow nodded "I know - just wish I knew you guys sooner - could have prevented someone else getting hurt"

"We can't save them all Willow - I wish I could but things don't work that way. At least that girl won't go through the terror of knowing he loose - he's caught, held, and if I have my way not getting out again" Willow looked up at Angel and smiled "thanks"

"Well it's getting late - or early - or WHATEVER I'm  outta here! See you guys later and thanks for what you did" Xander told them, standing he kissed Willow on the cheek - shook both vamps hand and then left, the door closing softly as he did so.

"I'm gonna turn in now too - I gotta drive back tonight - sleep sweet child, Willow" and with that Angel descended in to Spike's basement/apartment.

"You ready for some shut eye Pet?"

"Yeah - didn't want to sleep until you were home. I missed you and was worried for you, but it's over now?"

"All over - no more monsters, except me, no more thinking he's still walking around because I'm fairly sure he won't be walking for a while if what I see Angelus do was right" a grin spread over his face letting her know he wasn't joking and that the urge to kill Clifford Ford had been a strong one - an urge both he and Angel had fought and beaten but the man was battered within an inch of his life - and more importantly he knew why, knew that this wasn't some freak accident but retribution for past deeds - payment for his past crimes and that the two men  had taken FULL repayment.

Willow nodded understanding what he told her "We're okay then? We beat each others demons?" laying her head against him as he stood with her in his arms and carried her to bed.

"It's over darlin' - we beat them and for once I think we won. Wanna know something Red? Felt right fighting for a reason instead of  for my life. Think Angel could use some help in LA - you game?"

Willow smiled as he lay her gently on the bed "A change of scenery might be just what we need - yeah I'm game"

Spike lay beside her and pulled her into his arms "Tell peaches later - think he could use some help - and anyway not like the Slayer doesn't have enough help here is it?"

"Buffy will be fine - she knows I wanna help people, doesn't matter if that's here or LA right?"

"Right - go to sleep now sweetheart we'll sort out the rest of out lives tomorrow - now I wanna hold you and dream"

"Okay - night Spike"

Curling around him Willow fell in to the first dreamless sleep in almost five years.

THE END

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