E-mail: narcoleptic73@hotmail.com
Rating: PG for now
Couple: Willow / Spike
Disclaimer: Joss owns all, of course (Joss = God). I own nothing. The characters are not mine, and so on and so forth
Feedback: Always appreciate it
Summary: Willow asks Spike to help her out with her matchmaking parents - but at the end of the day deals with the devil will always bite you on the ass.
Notes: This might be the first in a small series, I'm not too sure yet.
Dedication: SUSI - I KNOW YOU WANTED ANGEL/WILLOW, BUT THIS CAME OUT INSTEAD.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Willow replaced the phone in its cradle with exaggerated care before springing from her chair and flinging her cup angrily against the wall in an uncharacteristic display of temper.
Of course this momentary lapse in Willowy goodness would have been far more convincing if the cup had been full and if it had been made of glass instead of plastic so that it could have shattered with a satisfying 'smash' instead of the slightly comical 'thonk' sound it made before bouncing harmlessly to the floor.
It left Willow feeling a little unfulfilled, kind of like the time she ate her banana first thing in the morning 'lunch time be dammed.' It lacked the violent poetry of something Buffy might have done, like torch a school, or something Spike might have done. Like commit genocide..
Huffing to herself in frustration Willow dropped bonelessly onto her comfy bed and glared up at the ceiling. Why were they doing this to her? She thought they had a pretty satisfying arrangement 'I'll ignore you, if you ignore me' it had been working wonderfully for the past twenty years. If it aint broke yadda yadda yadda.
What was she gonna do? Ira and Sheila (aka mum and dad) were for some stupid reason absolutely adamant that Willow attend their faculty dinner with them. The Goodman's, Sheila had said firmly, were very much looking forward to their son Ben, meeting Willow.
The alarm bells that had been sounding when they practically ordered her to attend the dinner became fully fledged wailing sirens when they mentioned Ben Goodman. Willow was a smart girl and she assessed the situation in a heartbeat.
"Oh my God - you're setting me up!"
"Willow! Are you raising your voice to me?"
"No, Dad. I just-"
"I'm not going to argue. You were indulged far too much as a child and-"
"Indulged? How?"
"We never ask anything of you young lady, but this time you will be attending this dinner. Mr and Mrs Goodman-"
"I already have a boyfriend!"
Willow was extremely glad this conversation was taking place over the phone. How else would she be able to explain her actions as she slapped her hand over her mouth as if to stop the words from tumbling out. Too late.
The silence stretched out uncomfortably and Willow was just about to stutter something lame like "ahhh, kidding! That's me - a big kidder" when her Mother jumped into the fray.
"Well dear, why didn't you tell us? Your Father and I want to meet this young man."
"Is he Jewish?" Ira snapped suspiciously.
"Ahh, I don't think so Dad."
"Well I don't like the sound of this at all, Willow. I'll expect to see you both at the faculty dinner then we can speak more about this young man's intentions and prospects."
Willow swallowed and sighed tiredly "Sure, Dad."
~
"What am I gonna do? I never lie, never - but the one time I do I get totally caught out. They're gonna know and then they'll be mad and I'll still have to go to the dinner and play nice with Ben Goodman who I remember as a particularly nasty five year old who once broke the heads off my two very best Barbie Dolls. So not in a hurry to spend an evening making small talk with that 'terrorist'."
"It's simple"
Willow and Buffy both swiveled in their seats to stare incredulously at Anya who was balancing the cash register for the day's takings at the Magic Box.
"What's simple, Anya?" Buffy asked cautiously. She had no idea that the former demon had even been listening much less forming solutions to Willow's most recent dilemma.
Anya shrugged absently never taking her eyes from the crispy notes she was counting. "Take Spike" she deadpanned.
"What!" Buffy screeched sharply causing Willow to wince a little and Anya to roll her eyes.
"He's the obvious choice. Number one, he's male. Number two, your parents will hate him."
While Buffy continued to stare in open-mouthed wonder at Anya, Willow's curiosity was piqued.
"Why is it a good thing for my parents to hate him?"
Anya did the eye-rolling thing again before she sighed. <This is like speaking to small children> she fumed to herself. "You don't want to have to keep pretending he's your snuggle bunny after this one time, right? So you don't want someone your parents will love and keep inviting around to dinner. That would be stupid. This way the act will only have to be a one time gig and they will even be grateful when you finally tell then that you broke up with that bad, rude, man."
Buffy grinned at Anya "Oh you're good, Anya - you're very, very goooood"
Anya simply smiled as if to say 'Hey baby, I know it' and went back to counting her lovely money which she planned to use later to purchase a very slinky underwear set she had seen last week. Xander would be helpless..
Armed with a tub of home baked cookies (double choc chip - Spike's favorite) and what she hoped was a cool air of detachment, Willow found herself standing in the middle of Spike's crypt preparing to proposition him. <Only on the Hellmouth> she thought bleakly.
"Double choc chip?" He queried with one raised brow.
"Yep"
"What do you want, witch?"
Willow was momentarily stung "Hey, I resent that! I often bake you cookies, I don't always have an ulterior motive!"
Spike inclined his head once in acknowledgement before lowering himself gracefully into his one and only chair. "Yes you do. Now, what do you want?" he repeated.
He watched with barely concealed amusement as the red head stood fidgeting uncomfortably before him "Just a tip, luv - poker; not your game."
Willow's head shot up at that remark and she plastered what she hoped was her resolve face on. "This is kinda stupid"
"No doubt, humour me anyway, it's not like I've got anything better to do is it?"
<God he's so mean, I can't believe I'm gonna ask him this. He's gonna laugh at me and I'll never hear the end of it.>
Willow took a deep breath and jumped in at the deep end. "Ok, it goes like this...
Three cigarettes and half a bottle of Bourbon later Spike was still chuckling. "This must be killing you pet"
Willow frowned spectacularly and snapped "Yeah and still NOT as humiliating as the all mighty William the Bloody seeking out the Slayer for help with the Initiative, right Spike?"
He snapped his jaw shut with an audile click and glared dangerously at her. "Bit harsh, luv."
"Yeah, well - the higher the stakes, the lower the blows - you taught me that Mr Big Bad."
Spike's face remained dangerously neutral as he lit another cigarette. Since this was a complete reversal in his normal behavior, Willow took it as a bad sign. Deciding she'd had enough humiliation for one day she sighed softly and placed the cookies on top of Spike's old card table before turning to leave his crypt.
Spike's voice stopped her just as her hand closed around the old brass handle. "What time?"
Willow froze for a moment her heart thudding loudly in her chest. She realized at that moment that she had never really expected Spike to agree to this proposal and she had already prepared herself to 'spill the beans' to her parents. "You'll actually do it?" She asked in amazement.
Spike stood slowly before swaggering his way towards Willow placing one hand on the wall next to her head he leaned in close to her face and blew out a stream of smoke - which she promptly choked on - before he answered. "It's gonna cost you more than a couple of cookies, pet. This is a grown up game."
~
Willow had explained to Spike that arriving late should set the tone for the evening. Ira, in particular, would be furious and coupled with the fact that Spike was not Jewish - things should quite easily go downhill from there for the rest of the evening. So when she heard a sharp knock on her dorm room door at 6.45pm instead of 7.30 as they had discussed, Willow felt a pang of foreboding. <Surely that can't be Spike.>
Willow's reaction upon opening the door was interesting and deeply satisfying, Spike decided as he studied her face with his patented smirk. There was, of course, the obligatory surprise, then shock, quickly followed by a lesser known emotion that Willow in her magnificent denial had decided to loosely term as 'whoo baby', and finally the expected, yet slow to surface anger slash suspicion.
Spike had a very simple label for the 'whoo baby' factor - lust. That's right ladies and gentleman; Willow Rosenberg looked at his very buff, undead body with lust. Of course she was also glaring at him fit to roast his ass but he chose to focus on the lust aspect. Besides that particular piece of information could prove very handy some time in the not too distant future. He'd file that away in his mental cabinet of 'new and interesting ways to kill the Slayer' for further consideration once the chip was gone. He would also file away the way the witch looked in her beautifully understated black velvet evening dress, he would most definitely be reassessing his 'kill list' later on; this tasty little chit had too much potential as his bed warmer to waste a coffin on.
"Spike! You look fantastic!"
He grinned mischievously before executing a mocking bow. Deliberately ignoring the accusatory tone she had used he responded with an affected upper crust English accent "Why thank you, my lady. You look positively edible yourself."
Running her eyes over his form she couldn't help but wonder where he had managed to score the Armani and Italian leathers - she was pretty sure she didn't want to know. Most likely a five-finger discount. He looked...luscious, edible, HOT and many other superlatives that refused to come to her addled mind at the present moment. "Why are you wearing that? Why are you early?"
Waving one graceful hand in her general direction he let his gaze travel over her - his eyes lingering hotly in the places it was not polite to linger. His insolence was deliberate. "You look bloody ready to go to me. C'mon, let's get this soddin' dinner over with."
Willow barely had time to register a protest before he had snagged her wrist and pulled her out of her room and into the hallway, slamming her door loudly in the process.
If Willow hadn't been so busy glaring at the bleached moron and desperately trying to ascertain the motives behind his actions she would have heard the numerous whistles and cheeky comments she and Spike were receiving from her fellow dorm dwellers. Ever the exhibitionist, Spike noticed and swaggered along with a sexy smirk, quite pleased with himself.
Still shaking her head from time to time in disbelief and despair Willow watched helplessly from the end of the table as 'William' continued to enthrall his captive audience with witty and charming anecdotes of the adventures he had while traveling the globe pursuing his 'research' into the effects of biocyber behavior modification mechanisms 'an exciting and emerging field of science drawing from a marriage of applied psychology, robotics and compute science, don't you know'.
Willow had choked on her white wine when Spike had explained in a most serious tone about the truckloads of money he expected to make when this new technology was passed for use on repeat criminal offenders and sociopaths - 'the potential market' - he advised - 'was practically infinite!' Someone's been reading too much Clockwork Orange. She shivered.
Much to Sheila's great surprise and subsequent glee, Spike had announced himself a fervent fan of the social sciences. They spent an hour debating Lyotard before 'William' swept Sheila on to the dance floor and further stunned and impressed their fellow diners with his impeccable waltzing skills and Victorian manners. Willow blanched visibly when at one point her Mother had actually squealed in delight "Why William, what an enigma you are! A post modern devotee so adept with the classics!"
Catching Willow's eye a little later in the evening from his position between Ira and Sheila at the head of the table, Spike winked conspiratorially at Willow twisting his full lips into a knowing and gloating smirk. Willow, in response, slid lower in her chair and fought down the urge to run screaming from the restaurant.
Damn vampire was deliberately not following the game plan, and if that wasn't bad enough she couldn't seem to fathom what his motives were. She could only hope his deliberate attempt to sabotage her evening was merely for his own twisted amusement, but knowing Spike there was in reality probably some other much more sinister and long term evilness afoot. Not for the first time this evening she found herself fantasizing about strangling Anya - with piano wire.
She should really learn to heed her instincts she decided half a second later when Ben Goodman took the opportunity to slip into the seat next to her - the one Spike had left vacant when he had joined Ira and Sheila at the head of the table with a careless 'have to mingle now, pet'.
Not bothering to turn her head Willow glanced suspiciously out of the corner of her eye at Ben. She had been getting seriously icky vibes from him all night. She wasn't too surprised to note that he had a self satisfied sneer plastered on his face - and it looked disturbingly at home there.
"Looks like William would rather date your parents than you, Willow." He purred softly so that the other guests wouldn't overhear.
Willow decided that she would get rid of him much quicker if she didn't rise to the bait so she ignored him.
Ben was nothing if not persistent. "If I didn't know any better I would have said that you two weren't even really a couple"
Willow shot up in her chair and threw a forbidding glare at him. "What are you talking about?" She snapped angrily, afraid he would hear the nervousness in her voice. He was a snake, that's what he was, a slimy, trouble making, sneaky, snake. And he was on to her, and he was gonna tell everyone right here in the middle of the restaurant! She just knew it.
"Oh come on, Willow. The one time he actually held your hand tonight it looked as though you were considering chewing off your arm - for the whole 15 seconds it lasted at least." Ben raised his eyebrows in an annoyingly knowing gesture and drained his glass. "Hardly a young couple in love, are you?"
He was openly leering at her now and Willow felt her skin crawl. He came from a very reputable family who happened to be very close friends with Ira and Sheila, and Willow just knew that even if she were to complain about Ben's seriously creepy behavior, her oblivious parents would not believe her. She was on her own here, and she was going to have to deal with him herself. She took a deep steadying breath and tried to channel her inner Buffy, she was sure she had one somewhere.
Willow cast a quick glance over at her parents to ensure they were still involved in whatever pile of shit Spike was spinning, before turning back to Ben the Snake, never noticing the way Spike's gaze narrowed on her from his position at the end of the table as she did. "Listen you nasty piece of work, I don't know what you're getting at, but I suggest you mind your manners or I'll tell William-"
Grabbing her arm firmly he interrupted her "Give it up, Willow I'm not buying it. I think we should take this outside and get better acquainted don't you?" He snarled menacingly already beginning to pull her resisting form from the chair.
<God! If he doesn't stop staring at my chest I'm going to turn him into a frog>
"There'll be none of that, mate. Now hands off the little girl before I have to break each of your fingers." Spike's softly spoken threat was delivered with a dazzling grin that didn't go anywhere near reaching his eyes and anyone who heard him would have believed every word he said, despite the incongruous expression on his seemingly pleasant face. Ben might be a sleazy jerk, but he wasn't stupid and he released Willow's arm immediately.
Looking desperately about the large table Willow was relieved to note that no one was actually taking any notice of the interesting scene the three of them were currently making and glancing back towards Spike she realized that even if someone did chance to look at them, the way Spike was smiling at Ben would easily fool them into thinking a friendly little conversation was taking place rather than threats of grievous bodily harm. Why wouldn't they? Spike, after all, had proven himself to be quite the charming gentleman this evening - everyone loved him - and he wasn't even Jewish!
Holding his arm out for her Spike winked wickedly at her and said, "shall we dance, my love?"
Recognizing a save when she saw one, she forced herself to return his smile and even batted her eyelashes a little before allowing herself to be literally whisked onto the dance floor.
Spike bent his head a little to whisper into her ear "You're gonna have to do better than that, pet - the little wanker's pretty sharp and he's watching us."
Acknowledging the truth of his words Willow didn't resist when Spike pulled her firmly against his chest and then nibbled gently on her earlobe.
Firmly telling herself it was all part of the act, she purposefully ignored the fluttering in her stomach and ran one hand over his muscular chest and let the other slide up the back of his neck and through his surprisingly soft hair. <It's all just part of the act Rosenberg. Oh God, he has a great chest...>
Spike shuddered slightly when he felt her hot little hands wind their way into his hair. He wondered momentarily where the little witch had learned that before abandoning thought altogether to simply soak up the sensation, visions of her pale, blood spattered form arranged against his black silk sheets dancing alluringly in his head.
He pressed himself even more firmly against her warm body and purred softly, smiling rakishly when he felt her shiver nervously against him. He nuzzled the sensitive skin below her left ear and absorbed her scent. Anyone looking at them at this moment would have no doubt whatsoever that they were anything less than 'together'.
Running his hungry gaze about the room Spike allowed his grin to spread. He had good reason to be bloody well pleased with himself. This little performance was gonna teach those bloody Scooby kids not to underestimate the Big Bad! He might be temporarily biteless, but he was still bloody dangerous!
~
"Coffee, William?"
"Nonsense, Sheila! We'll retire to the den and have a brandy, what do you say William?"
Spike turned questioning eyes to the little red head who had been sitting tensely next to him since their arrival back at the family home half an hour earlier. She looked utterly miserable and his heart soared. "Oh, well I guess if Willow doesn't mind me staying on a little longer, Sir.."
Willow groaned, Sheila beamed, and Ira laughed. "Of course she doesn't mind, that's why we invited you back - get to know the man my daughter seems so smitten with!" Ira grinned happily.
They were barely out of the room before Sheila pounced - her sudden interest in Willow's affairs so alien to her that she seriously considered the possibility that her Mother and her Father had actually been possessed by some kind of demon.
"Tell me everything, Willow! He's simply wonderful!"
Willow rolled her eyes and barely suppressed a moan. She had brought this on herself, she should have known that you couldn't make a deal with the devil.
Drawing on all her courage, Willow took a deep breath and opened her mouth to explain to her Mother that she wouldn't be seeing William again, but just as the words were about to tumble forth Willow pulled herself up short.
Her Mother was smiling at her with genuine warmth in her eyes and leaning forward in her chair, but the clincher..the clincher was that Sheila Rosenberg had placed her hand on Willow's knee and offered an affectionate squeeze. Willow couldn't remember the last time her Mother had actually 'touched' her and all of a sudden she was overcome by a feeling of warmth and belonging.
Having been denied the most basic of familial love and devotion throughout the majority of her twenty years, it was little wonder that Willow ignored the voice of reason screaming at her to 'end it now!'.
Her Mother was looking at her with interest and no small amount of pride so Willow also chose to ignore the small stab of pain she felt at the realization that it was her supposed union with 'William' that had prompted this long overdue Mother Daughter bonding session.
Well it didn't matter 'why' this was happening she firmly told herself, it was good enough that it simply 'was' - so offering up a quick mental apology to her friends who she knew would not be too happy with what she was about to do, Willow smiled widely at her Mother, returned her affectionate squeeze and told her a bald faced lie about how she met and fell in love with William - a slight shiver ran down her spine when the memory of Spike's voice echoed unbidden through her mind <It's gonna cost you more than a couple of cookies, pet. This is a grown up game.>
Willow had decided that she could afford to play....
~Fin~