Author: Narcoleptic73 (narcoleptic73@hotmail.com)
Rating: PG 16 fluffy fic, but does have a couple of ‘f’ words.
Couple: Willow / Spike
Disclaimer: Joss owns all, of course (Joss = God). I own nothing. The characters are not mine, and so on and so forth
Feedback: You betcha…….
Summary: Spike wants to console himself with food – but Willow’s about to bugger it all up for him AGAIN!!!
Notes: Sequel to VIDEO NASTY. Fluffy rubbish forms part of a lightweight series of nonsense.
Status: Complete.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
He’d been in a piss poor mood ever since the Big Lebowski fiasco the week before. Not only did he NOT get to see his all time favorite film, but the Slayer’s pet witch had discovered his presence in Sunnyhell. In a big way, which meant he had to reassess his accommodation plans and move – again – and to top it all off the bitch kicked him in the nuts and left with HIS sodding video.
Christ on a cross, if word ever got out about that little detail he’d be finished in this country. He’d be the laughing stock of the demon world!
Taking a calming drag of his cigarette he picked up his pace a little. There was one redeeming feature in this sorry tale. Sunnydale, as luck would have it, was one of the few places in the United States that sold a delicious little Australian concoction known as a Tim Tam.
Why Sunnydale, (of all the godforsaken hell holes in the world), would be one of the places a body could buy a Tim Tam was beyond Spike and if he thought about how bizarre the whole thing was it gave him a bloody headache. So he didn’t think on it too much at all, he simply chalked it up to the hellmouth and thanked Satan for small mercies – the second of which would be the fact that it was the all night quick e mart that stocked them. No pesky sunlight to contend with in his quest for the chocolate sensation that was a Tim Tam. Hmmmmmm Tim Tams.
The only thing better than watching the Big Lebowski on his new TV – which he wouldn’t get to do now since he couldn’t set foot back in the video store thanks to the bull busting witch – was watching the Big Lebowski with a packet of Tim Tams.
At least he would be able to enjoy one of his two greatest loves – no little pal of the Slayer had managed to bugger that up for him at least.
On a normal evening Spike might stop out the front of the quick e mart to have a quick snack on some of the loitering youth, but not tonight, the pink fluorescent tinged light was doing it’s job rather well highlighting some rampant acne and putting him off his dinner, no matter he had something far more appetizing in mind. Tim Tams.
Ignoring the zit brigade who were staring challengingly at him with a mixture of hostility and envy, Spike flicked his still burning cigarette negligently at the milling teenagers and stalked in through the automatic doors. He was a man on a mission.
Not even the overly bright artificial light that stung his super sensitive eyes was enough to distract him from his task. Locate the Tim Tams, acquire the Tim Tams, pay for the Tim Tams, and eat the Tim Tams. Well maybe he’d review the second last objective – it would depend on how tasty the clerk looked.
With the focus borne of a century of stalking one’s prey, the pale vampire wasted no time in establishing a visual on his quarry.
Without a single thought for anyone or anything else he zeroed in on the oblong packet, which seemed to beckon him with its shiny wrapping and tempting photography.
Spike licked his lips in anticipation as he made his way purposefully towards the packet, noting absently that it seemed to be the only one left.
Stretching one hand longingly towards the packet while taking a very deep and unnecessary breath to inhale the chocolaty scent of the contents, Spike was blissfully unaware that he was not the only contender for the last of this great Australian treasure.
He was so close to lifting the packet that he swore he could already feel the crinkly wrapping on the tips of his fingers, he knew to be careful not to pick them up the wrong way lest they squish, couldn’t have them squished cause he liked to eat them a certain way, pull them apart first, lick the insides and then shove…….
"Oi!"
"Eeep!"
His icy blue eyes widened in shock and outrage at the human who had somehow snuck up next to him and taken HIS packet of Tim Tams.
Now maybe in this instance Spike’s nature worked against him. You see, he was not expecting to encounter any human competition in an arena as benign as the local quick e mart – ‘specially not at this ungodly hour of the night, maybe that was why his reactions which were usually too fast for the human eye to register, were just a little slower than the human he was glaring at. You see in this instance it was the human, the less superior of the two races that got the jump on the vampire, years of being the hunted as opposed to the hunter meant that this human was ALWAYS ready to haul ass. The human’s motivation was just a little more compelling than his you understand.
So Spike lost crucial seconds in open-mouthed surprise, just long enough for the equally surprised albeit more alert human to take definitive action.
With a panicked feminine squeal the human snatched the packet of Tim Tams closer to her heaving chest and kicked him fare in the crotch. Hard. Again.
De ja fucking vu.
To Spike the entire incident seemed to happen in slow motion so that as he fell to the cold and less than clean floor of the quick e mart clutching his throbbing groin and writhing in silent agony, while the human female spun away from him and sprinted towards the front of the store leaving him with not much more than a blurry outline of orange and red striped legs with a fuzzy electric blue body. It was hard to see anything through the bloody tears of agony pooling in his wide and slightly glazed eyes, but he knew exactly who the Tim Tam stealing culprit was.
The bloody witch.
After a moment his senses began to return just in time for him to hear her little feet pounding out of the automatic doors towards freedom.
With his fucking Tim Tams.
Why was this happening to him? He was a good demon, killing as many people as demonly possible, causing as much trouble as he could, telling as many lies as people would listen to……he was a poster childe for the dark side…..and this was his reward! Constantly getting kicked in the goddamned balls by that, that, little……"BITCH!" he howled in agony, slamming his fist through the shop floor.
Struggling to his feet he limped out of the quick e mart (ignoring for the moment the gaping youths who he would have to kill later - couldn’t have witnesses to this latest humiliation) just in time to see her jump on a bright yellow scooter with a bright orange safety flag - and gun it to life. With a thrust on the throttle that would make a hell’s angel proud she exited the car park in a squeal of burning rubber and blue smoke.
With his fucking Tim Tams……………