E-mail: narcoleptic73@hotmail.com
Rating: PG fluffy fic
Couple: Willow / Spike
Disclaimer: Joss owns all, of course (Joss = God). I own nothing. The characters are not mine, and so on and so forth
Feedback: You betcha…….
Summary: The Big Bad has a video on hold, but he’s furious to learn someone has got it first.
Notes: Fluffy rubbish and may form part of an equally lightweight series of nonsense later on. The title is the same as a Young Ones episode, and I think maybe even a song by the Dammed.
Status: Complete.
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She sighed again and stole another furtive glance at her Whinnie the Poo watch. Yep, she had been here for an hour and she still had yet to make her final choice. "Stupid video store making it so hard all the time."
It was her turn to get the videos for the Saturday morning ritual at casa de Rosenberg. Basically this ritual consisted of Buffy, Xander, popcorn, coke, and videos.
It was one of those great universal mysteries, Willow decided, how she was always the sucker who was sent to make the entertainment selections. Xander claimed that he was much better suited to snack retrieval and Buffy simply arrived consistently late citing pressing Slayer business – any additional responsibility on her shoulders would be too great a burden for her to bear. The guilt card was used so effectively against Willow that you could have been forgiven for mistaking the young woman for a catholic.
Willow’s own choice in video was easy enough. The Big Lebowski was her all time favorite film, although for a moment there it was a close thing – the clerk informed her that the film had been reserved but seeing the look of dismay on her face he took pity and rented it to her anyway.
Willow was blissfully unaware that her burgeoning beauty was responsible for the clerk’s capitulation. Willow continued to place a firm belief in her talents lying solely in the cognitive realm – even If she had been serenaded by Adonis himself she would continue to believe that she was an ordinary looking girl with extraordinary gray matter. Years of her peers telling her this and she couldn’t help but believe it to be so, even now when the evidence to the contrary was clear to everyone else and the cutting comments had ceased. Her lack of self-awareness merely added to her appeal, but she didn’t know that either.
Willow was the swan.
Trying to find something for Buffy and Xander was going to be difficult which is why she had done the smart thing and begun her quest on Friday evening. It was tempting to choose Apocalypse Now for Xander and Scream for Buffy because she knew they were a sure fire hit – but they had watched those less than three weeks ago……..
She was just about to go with Saving Private Ryan (because Xander had been fascinated with war films ever since his foray into the world of khaki all those Halloween’s ago) and the Sixth Sense when the sounds of an argument from the front of the store caused her to stiffen in momentary fright.
"I had that bloody film on reserve you wanker!"
"If you’ll just calm down, Sir I’m sure I could suggest something equally entertaining, we have the largest selection of –"
"Listen mate, when I want your bloody opinion I’ll give it to you. Now I’m only gonna ask you this one more time before I start getting testy – Give me my bloody video!!!"
Peeking carefully over the top of a shelf Willow took in the scene at the front of the store with a sense of resigned doom. There was only one person in Sunnydale with that voice and as soon as she spied his leather-coated form her suspicions were confirmed. Spike was looming threateningly over the counter at the clerk, cigarette dangling from his full lips.
Oh boy, oh boy. Thinking, thinking, thinking.
There were really only two options. The first was to hide behind the shelves and hope the vampire went away before he noticed her presence or killed anyone (unlikely) or; she could take the opportunity to sneak past him and out the door while he was busy scaring the living hell out of the clerk – at least that way she could alert Buffy to his presence and possibly help avoid any bloodshed at his hands this night.
It never occurred to Willow that Buffy would slay Spike. In all the years they had ‘danced’ neither had been able to obliterate the other despite their enthusiastic efforts. It was almost one of the accepted and unspoken rules now that the best they could hope for in relation to the undead menace currently lifting the clerk over the counter to snarl in his face, was to keep him restrained or out of town.
But just because he had been unsuccessful in killing the Slayer didn’t mean she would be as lucky.
Now or never Rosenberg.
Gathering all her considerable courage Willow crept slowly along the edge of the shelves hoping to remain out of the line of his peripheral vision. She knew that a vampire had many more ways of detecting prey other than by sight, but she hoped that he would be too distracted by his dealings with the Clerk to notice her sneaking past him and out the front door.
Willing her shaking legs not to let her down she continued her cautious creeping towards the door never taking her wide, green eyes from the vampire’s sleek form. She was passing mere inches by his turned back now and holding her breath for fear of detection she was insanely grateful she was wearing her oldest pair of cons – they never squeaked.
"I..I’m s..sorry, Sir. I r..r..rented it to another customer!"
The vampire didn’t dignify the stuttered revelation with any response except to snarl dangerously and shake the frightened youth by the front of his already torn shirt.
Willow’s heart suddenly lurched as the Clerk’s terrified eyes locked on her over the vampire’s shoulder. With a momentary surge of panic she realized that the look of instant recognition and relief in his eyes would somehow signal her discovery.
"Her!" he cried a little desperately as his body was shaken back and forth by the furious vampire "I rented it to her!"
Three things happened at once. Spike dropped the Clerk who slid uselessly to the floor, he spun around so quickly he was no more than a blur to Willow’s human eyes and before she had time to emit the started scream she fully intended to release his cold, dead hands were wrapped about her slender throat with a crushing intensity.
"You!" He snarled devoid of his usual dark humor. "You have my video!"
Willow’s brain would not co-operate, probably because of the lack of oxygen – there was something distinctly surreal about a vampire strangling her to death over a video. Strangling her to death over the Big Lebowski no less. A comedy! Somehow Willow had envisaged a much more noble and less ridiculous death, this was kinda disappointing. She could imagine the Cordettes getting a real laugh over this – even in death Willow would always be a loser in their eyes. Momentarily forgetting about the vampire intent on murdering her she felt a flash of familiar fury laced with the ever-present helpless frustration. <I hate Cordelia>.
Regaining her senses once more she couldn’t help but scold herself – there were more important things to be worrying about at the moment than Cordelia Chase – things like William the Bloody.
Summoning the last of her strength before the black dots now dancing before her eyes threw a permanent veil of darkness over them, Willow drew back one sneakered foot and kicked with all of her surprisingly considerable might, catching Spike squarely in the shin.
The stunned look on his face - while priceless to behold for one such as Willow who knew exactly how rare it was for a mere mortal to have caught this eternal predator by surprise - was only marginally less satisfying than the sight of him stumbling away from her momentarily.
Not really taking the time to thank the gods for her ability to think fast under pressure she drew back her foot once again, took quick but careful aim and kicked him squarely in the crotch. Hard.
Sure it would have been nice to stay and gloat over him as he rolled on the ground moaning and clutching his abused, ah, package – but if she wanted to live to see the next half hour then it was way past time to run like hell.
With the appropriate motivation, she was quite the athlete so by the time the vampire had struggled to his knees, bloody tears streaming down his white cheeks, the small red headed witch was already gone from the parking lot and was no doubt well on her way to the Slayer’s house. With the Big Lebowski……….
The End