Part One

Willow Rosenberg had never been especially beautiful or lively or funny; just smart. Nothing that could attract three men to her at the same time.
Nope, not this Willow.

There was the man she used to love with all of her heart, who in turn loved her with all his soul. Oz, the wonderfully witty, handsome guitarist who had liked her. Her! Willow Rosenberg. But she had cheated on him - a kiss! And he had done the same thing - or so he said. He had slept with someone else. It didn't matter that he killed the bitch(and she wasn’t kidding) for her later on, but just walking in on him entwined with *her*… just thinking about it made her upset and angry.

Then, Xander had come around. He had waited until she was perfectly happy to decide 'hey! I like Willow!' I mean, stupid, idiotic Xander. What the hell was he thinking? What the hell was *she* thinking? But… that led her to the conclusion that if she truly had loved Oz, that she couldn't and wouldn't have cheated on him.

Lastly, came the vampire that had loved her with all his heart. Ever since he had kidnapped Xander and I - he had grown obsessed and I in turn with him. I loved him and still do, even if he doesn't. Spike had run back to his "dark princess" when she had called leaving Willow once again on her own.

Did he think that she would wait around? Did he think she could… just…

Willow Rosenberg had never been especially beautiful or lively or funny; but she had heart. And currently the heart was in pieces.

*

Walking dejectedly to the Bronze was the current item for tonight. Buffy would dance with some random guy, Xander would dance like an idiot on the dance floor, and I would have to pretend to be in love with Oz.

Doesn't that sound so… bitchy? I hate to think it, but I don't love him anymore. I can't really love him after what he put me through: sleeping with
the bitch, leaving and just coming back… Why do all guys think I'll wait around forever?

It has been over four years since I last had seen him. Four years since he had given me that horribly attractive, flirtatious, infectious grin, and
kissed me with those soft lips. Touched me with his cold hands…

I sound like… such a slut. I hate it. But I can't help it. I want to feel the coldness he gives me - Oz doesn't feel *right* anymore. Not the way he
used to - or maybe he hasn't changed. Maybe I have.

Putting up a smile I permit Oz to give me a kiss on the cheek, before settling down next to Buffy and Riley. I see my friend Tara who is currently
with Amy, and I give them a little wave. They break hands to wave back, and I smile. I had recently de-ratted Amy with Tara, and they had become attached at the hip.

Xander was on the dance floor, dancing with Anya who was trying to dance as well, both failing miserably. I laughed a little to myself before excusing myself to go fetch a drink for me. I order a light beer, and take out a cigarette. It's a nasty habit, but I had picked it up to remind me of him.

I walk outside and lean against the backdoor. Surprisingly enough no other smokers are out here. I sit on top of the dumpster, letting my black jeans touch the top of the dumpster. I made sure my p-coat didn't touch it, though; the p-coat was something that reminded me of him. I don't know why - but it did.

Taking a sip of my beer, I enjoy the cold air and silence. Normally, other male smokers try to hit on me out here, but I usually just ignore them. The
stars in the sky shine brightly and I can't help but wonder what he's doing right now. Is he eating now? Or maybe he's with Dru - listening to her
psychobabble. I ignore the jealous tone in my voice; it didn't matter. He wasn't coming back.

Finishing the cigarette I light up another one - not quite yet ready to go back in.

Feeling the cold air seep through my coat and clothes, I smile. It wasn't usual that we would get a chill around here, but… we have one now.

And I don't mind.

I shift my red turtleneck, and flick the ash off the end of my cigarette. I take another drag and sip my beer, thinking about graduation. I would be
graduating from college in a few months. My parents have already informed me about their stay in Europe was taking longer than planned, and they wouldn't make it.

I hadn't expected them to really. Just another draw back of having my parents.

Finishing the cigarette I stomp on the dying embers and walk back into the club. Dance music in pounding all around and I notice all my friends out on the dance floor. Even Oz.

Snorting, I turn back out of the club and I begin the walk home. I didn't feel like hanging around tonight. Tonight I was feeling his presence to a
level I haven't felt in it for a year or so.

Just when I think I am moving on, he comes back with a vengeance. Sighing, I open the door to my apartment, tossing my bag on a chair by the door, playing the messages from the answering machine. The first one is from Tara and Amy reminding me about the spell casting tomorrow night. The next one was from my grandmother, congratulating me on graduation but expressing her deep regret of not being able to come. I haven't seen the woman in years…

The last one is the one that makes me drop the glass. "'Ello, pet." The simple two-word message sends me in a fit of ecstasy. Spike is here. In
Sunnydale - and he looked me up.

Smiling, I turn on the shower. Then as I step into it, I frown. Should I be happy? I waited almost five years for him. And he JUST now comes back?

Putting away those thoughts I grinned, and began to look at my dyed hair. I had dyed my bangs black recently, and I smiled as I began to wash out the easy to remove coloring.

Spike had come back for me, and I was going to be here for him.

Even if he had come back to kill me.
 

Part Two

Slipping on the tight black jeans again, I rummaged through the draw for the perfect shirt. Finding a dark violet one I slipped on the peasant top, my
neck showing in the dim light. Slipping on a pentagram necklace I brushed out my hair, smiling at the all red roots.

I put up all my wet hair and turned around to look at the small tattoo I had gotten. It was of a small railroad spike and it was over a pentagram.

Pulling out my black and silver sneakers I slipped them on a reached for my cigarettes. Stepping outside in the night, I lit up my cigarette and I took
a drag from the cigarette.

"Don't you know that bad for you health, pet?" I turned my gaze down and my heart nearly stopped at the sight of him. Wearing beige khaki pants and a dark blue long sleeved shirt, with a white streak right across at his chest. He had lost the duster somehow and I straightened up on my balcony. "Rob a mall recently?" I pointed to his new wardrobe, the bracelet on my wrist jingling with the slight movement of me pointing.

"Cute, pet." His icy blue eyes stared up into mine and I felt herself slipping. I took another drag off my cigarette saying nothing. "Aren't you going to invite me up, love?"

I said nothing but I turned around and walked into my apartment and grabbed my money, sticking it in my back pocket. I opened the door to find him there, leaning against the invisible barrier. I blew smoke in his face as I left the apartment, locking it behind me. I began to walk down the stairs, and then I turned up to look at him. "Coming?" Without waiting for a reaction or answer I turned around and began to walk down the stairs again. By the time I had hit the bottom floor in the nice apartment building, his arm was tucked around my waist.

Walking out into the night, I began to walk to nowhere in particular on a whim. Spike never took his arm away from around my waist as we walked. I
realized somewhere along the way that we looked like a normal boy and girl couple walking down the street, on a date.

I looked over at him, and removed his arm from around my waist. "Spike." I started and looked around at the fairly crowded streets. Leading him off
into a cemetery I turned to face him. "What are you doing here?"

"Aren't you pleased to see me?" He asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"I never said I wasn't, but I am curious."

Spike said nothing for a while, and I sighed. I turned around to walk away when he startled me with his soft voice, "I missed you." My green eyes
looked at him, yet his stayed on the ground. "I thought I wanted Dru. I bloody stayed with her for these past three years, but I kept thinking 'bout
you, pet. Sometimes it was so bad, I couldn't look at her. Then she gave me an ultimatum. You or her, and here I am."

I smiled happily and ran over to him, hugging him fiercely. Spike's arms wrapped around me and I felt him kiss the top of my head. "You've grown up
so much, love. You look so bloody beautiful it's like I'm looking at the sun."

I look up at him, and he gave me a chaste kiss on the lips. His lips moved downwards from my lips and he paid attention to my jugular before biting
down with his blunt teeth. "And I've come to a decision - I want you." Feeling the last part left unsaid I struggled out of his arms, my hand flying up to the slightly bleeding teeth marks on my neck.

I used to think I wanted him to turn me, but I didn't. I didn't really want to die. My eyes widened in fear as he came closer and I whimpered. "Spike.
please. Not yet."

"You've grown so beautiful." Spike came closer and I took another step back. When he growled at me I began to run.

I hadn't ran long before I felt arms wrap around me from behind.
 

Part Three

Ever heard of the term abusive boyfriend? I have. But I've never had one, and I probably won't now. Spike is as gentle to me as if I were a piece of
porcelain held together by chewed gum; ready to shatter at any time.

I knew the night he attacked me on some level that he loved me enough to turn me and from there I did the easiest thing. As he leaned over me, ready to make me one of his I did it. I ran my hands up his arms, and placed a light kiss on his forehead. I heard his growl, not of anger but of lust and I continued to kiss my way around his face.

Soon he placed a light kiss on my throat and picked me up. I made sure to keep his mind off of the biting as we reached my apartment and I proceeded to entertain his attentions for the rest of the night. I don't know how long I could keep this up - three days after that night it has worked, but Spike seems to be growing impatient.

Spike seems to think that as a human I am too fragile. I would love to prove to him that I am stronger than he believes - but he never lets me out of his grasp anymore. I can barely sit outside here, in the sun and smoke. Flicking the ash of my cigarette and pushing my sunglasses farther up on my face, I stretched for a moment before re-entering my apartment. Getting dressed in jeans and a spaghetti strap shirt I leaned over his dead form and bestowed a kiss upon his forehead. Grabbing my books and my keys I strolled out of the apartment.

I had seen Oz yesterday and I had tried to keep his smell off of me, but Spike could smell it. He was angry, shattered a plate but never touched me
in anger - he never could or would. Spike proved to me that I was his, which I had assured him, and I had finally cajoled him back into a good mood with some snuggling. Some people might say that this is too odd or our relationship is odd but I like it.

I walked into the building and waved to Tara. She walked over, taking away the unlighted cigarette dangling from my lips and she tossed it in the
garbage with perfect aim as we walked. "So.?" she asked, waiting for me to fill her in with the details of how I was feeling as of late. Tara was the
only one I had told about Spike returning and I loved to tell her how I was feeling because she always seemed to give good advice.

"I'm confused. I'm living on an edge between death and life and I don't know which way I'm falling."

"Poetic but sad. Willow, you know you don't want to be in this forever. Either say, I love him and want to spend eternity with him or it's lust and
leave his sorry vampiric ass."

I mock glared at her and she laughed. "But what a sweet ass it is." We both said in unison and I sat down next to her in the lecture hall. Pushing my
sunglasses up onto my forehead, I fixed my hoop earrings and stared at the empty blackboard.

The class grew impatient after a few minutes and knocked on the door to his office. One student finally bashed in the door, only to find the shell of
our professor - and I am talking literally.

Both Tara and I shared disgusted glances and walked out of the room. "No class."

"Hungry?"

"Nope. Mocha?"

"Sure." Walking across the quad to the café, we went to go have a coffee.

*

"Ew, Wills. All of his internal organs were cut out?" Buffy asked, her face scrunching up in disgust.

"Yeah. I was wondering what kind of demon could and would do such a thing - and why?"

"Well, why don't you come over and help us research?" Buffy lowered her voice, "When you are here, Anya won't make out with Xander I don't think.
It's such a horrific sight!"

I laughed, "I can't Buff. I promised Tara I'd help her with some homework." The lie rolled easily off of my tongue, and I listened closely for the
shower to turn off.

"Shucks. I hardly ever see you anymore. Oh well. Call me!" I murmured a bye before hanging up and then I shuffled back outside, to finish my cigarette. I don't know why I couldn't call the other's while Spike was listening right there but.

"Pet?" I turned back into the apartment, smiling. He wrapped me up in his arms and placed a kiss on my head.

"Hey Spike. have you ever heard of a demon who needs to take all of the organs out of a persons body to perform a ritual of any kind?"

I heard him chuckle, "Why do you ask, pet? I believe that a Fria demon does, though."

"Just curious." I say as I fix myself something to eat in the kitchen.

"Why do we have one loose on our hands?" He sounded slightly angry and for a minute I hesitated telling him. "Yes."

He grabbed my arms, and looked into my eyes. "I'll help then."

"Help me?"

"Help you and the bloody slayer. Battle evil. Do the poof kind of thing. I'll be your Angel." He smiled at me and I laughed. "Well then, you'd have
to be better looking then."

"Why you!" He started as he chased me out of the living room.

Spike does care for me. I know it. And over the last four years I was lonely. But now, now I'm content.
 

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