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Dear Red,

      You'll prolly never get this but I had to send it to you. I know
you’re angry for my leaving but I had to. I love you. Utterly and
completely, I love you with all of my being. That’s why I left.  I could
not stand to see the rejection in your eyes as you told me your choice.
I knew I'd lose again. I always seem to. But that’s not the point. The
main reason that I left was because I didn't want another Drusilla
situation. Before you say your not another Dru, let me explain. My
grand-sire and me drove her crazy. Angelus was the one who drove her to
that point, but I never helped much. I always tried to take care of her.
Me & Angelus fighting over her constantly didn't help that much either.
When he got through beating her, I'd coddle her and treat her like a
queen. But she didn't need that. She needed me & him to leave her alone.
That’s a reason I left. The other is just a simple issue of pride. I
didn't want to be the one who you said no to. So I took and did it
before you could have a chance to break my heart. I knew the moment you
called and said you need to talk to me that you had chosen and I had
lost yet again.

There's only so many times you can be crushed before you just give up. I
have only been crushed twice before...but I was utterly in love with
one. When she walked and met the sun I seriously thought about following
her. So many times I'd get two steps away from the door, but then I'd
lose my gut. I couldn't even follow through with it. The very first love
of my un-life and she would rather be dead, than be around me. That in
itself is devastating. Another reason I left was I could not bear to see
you and Angel all the time. In this case I would rather be dead then see
the woman I love more then any thing that has ever or will ever exist,
be on another mans arm while I watch from the shadows.

It's kinda funny I guess. Strike 3 for Spike. I guess for me there's no
happy ending. I want you to know this and never forget it, not matter
how long you live no matter, & how far you travel. My heart will always
belong to you. I know you say that someday I'll get over it, that I'm a
vampire and they live so long that they forget things with time. But I'm
not a normal demon. I have a heart. And when I give it to someone
utterly and wholly they never leave. Even now Dru & Cecile’s memory
still beat in my unbeating heart. They will always own a piece of it.
Just like you will forever hold most of it. I want you to have a good
life. Always be happy. Never let anyone take your light away from you.
Your innocence is what makes you so wonderfully special.

I know that with me out of the picture Angel will take care of you. You
will never see me again. And this will be the last time you hear from
me, I don't want to cause you too much trouble. I was never good enough
for you. I'm a soulless killer; I had no remorse for my victims. Angel
can love you with all of his heart & his soul. I couldn't do that. I've
got to go now. The plane is fixing to leave. I love
you...............................
 

       Forever, & Always
                 Eternally yours
                             Love,
                               William

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As Willow finished reading the letter she let out an anguished cry.
"NO!"  She sobbed. "No Damn it!" She cried. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no." She cried softly as she rocked back and forth. "Damn it! Why?"
She screamed. After several hours of heart wrenching sobs Willow had
fallen asleep.

"Spike!" Willow cried. "Yes luv?" He answered from the dark shadows.
"Why did you leave me?" She cried frantically searching for the source
of his voice. Wanting nothing more in this world than to be in his arms,
she felt safe and protected wrapped firmly in his embrace. "You know
why." His voice echoed softly. "No! It was you I wanted." She sobbed.
Falling to the floor in a sobbing wreck. "You have Angel now luv." He
said not having an answer for her statement. His figure appeared from
the dark shadows as he came to kneel next to her, and to hold her in the
embraced she had craved for several weeks.

He spoke softly to her. The poem he had written for her spilled softly
from his lips.

Never leaving my heart,
Your blood pounds, and heartbeats.
Forever imprinted into my mind.
Always there.
Your beautiful face,
Etched permanently on to my heart.
Your soul bound eternally to mine,
Forever will I love you,
Never letting go,
For you are my heart, my soul, my love.
You are my everything.
Always and forever am I eternally yours.

She sighed softly. Her eyes fluttered open. As she took in her
surroundings she felt the tears well up into her eyes. But she decided
something; he had said in his letter that she would never see him again.
But he didn't count’s on the fact that a woman in love is more powerful
then any distance could ever be. A woman in love, Is like the rain,
nothing will stop it from falling.

The End

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