Spike couldn't believe it. She could have at least had the decency to kill him this time. Somehow, none of this mess with the implant was real until Dru knew about it. How she had laughed.
He lay on the ground. He hadn't gotten up since fighting with her. What a pathetic heap he made. Seeing Dru again made him realize how much of a nothing he had become. He wanted this pitiful feeling to go away. An image swam before his mind. Big green eyes looking at him like he was the only thing in the world.
He sat up.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Willow turned out the light. She'd finish her research paper in the morning. It was a cool night, so she snuggled into her plaid flannel pajamas and crawled into bed. Her eyelids felt heavy and she was mentally exhausted. Sleep rushed in and dreams quickly followed.
They were sitting at the table in the old high school library, she and Xander and Oz. Buffy and Giles were training on the floor behind them. Willow was arranging notes for her research paper. Xander and Oz were playing Go Fish.
"He'll be here soon," Xander said, not looking up from his cards.
Willow reached for a book. "Who?"
Oz looked at her. "He'll protect you."
"From what?"
Xander interrupted. "I don't like him. I don't have to like him. You gonna finish that?"
Willow looked down. No research notes, just half a sandwich. She handed it to her friend. "Why don't you like him?"
Xander shrugged. She looked to Oz. He shrugged.
Giles came and sat down. He took Willow's hand and looked into her eyes, but didn't say anything. Willow looked over her shoulder to Buffy. The blonde was punching at the air. She stopped and looked at Willow. "I'll kill him."
Willow awoke to the sound of someone knocking on her door. She shuffled out of bed, the dream she had been having already forgotten. The last echoes of sleepiness died away as she opened her door to find a vampire on the other side.
"Spike," she gasped quietly. "What are you doing here?"
"Can I come in?"
She took in his appearance. Cut on the forehead, clothes more disheveled than usual. It was obvious he'd been in a fight. She couldn't place the look in his eyes, but she knew it was what made her take a step back from the door and say "Come in."
He crossed the threshold and took off his duster. He didn't say anything and that made Willow nervous. He seemed to be in some sort of inner turmoil and she didn't think vampires handled their inner turmoil in quite the same fashion she did.
"Let me tend to that cut." She pulled out her first-aid kit. "Who did this to you?"
He didn't answer, but he stood still for her to clean the wound. Neither spoke. It started to rain outside. Willow finished up and walked across the room to put her first aid kit back in its place. Spike spoke to her back.
"It was Dru."
Willow felt her stomach drop. She didn't speak and she didn't turn around. She remembered the time when Spike had kidnapped her and the time he had tried to stake himself. Drusilla meant the world to him. If Dru thought Spike had gone soft when he made a deal with Buffy, then Willow had a pretty good idea what the vampiress would think of his current situtation. Willow's heart went out to him. Still facing away from him, she asked "Why did you come to me?"
"Same reason you came to me last time. I want to forget." The pain conveyed in his voice was palpable. Willow turned to look at him. He began to pace around the room.
"I was lying there, thinking how awful my life has become. The look on her face when she - " Spike's voice nearly broke. He paused. "I never thought it would come this. We were supposed to be eternal."
Willow didn't know what to say, so she just watched him. Her mind was already running past the situation anyway. What was going on here? Did he know what it meant that he came to her? Had she known what it meant when she had gone to him?
"I keep seeing her looking at me. Pathetic. Nothing." His back was to Willow. "But when I try to think of something else... I see you." He turned. "I see you looking at me the way you did when you said you were 'memorizing.' And that's why I'm here. I want you to make me feel the way I did when you looked at me like that."
Willow bit her lip. It seemed like the air between them was humming. He doesn't know what he's asking, she thought to herself. She took a step toward him. But you know what you're doing, a voice inside her said. Another step and they were face to face. She placed a hand in the center of his chest.
When you went to his crypt, that was stupid. This, this is beyond stupidity. He's Spike, remember? Mr. Bottle-in-face, kill-you-slowly vampire guy. We're not talking your body anymore. Your heart is at stake now. Their eyes met.
"I can try."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Light from the window slowly crept over the pillows and blankets on Willow's bed. When it began to warm her cheek, she gradually woke up. As coherent thoughts began to filter into her mind, her eyes flew open and she sat up quickly to make sure Spike was out of the sun. There was no leather duster draped over her chair; he was gone. She eased back into the covers.
Willow had dealt with a lot of confusing things so far in life. Her best friend was a vampire slayer. Her first boyfriend was a werewolf. She went to high school over a hellmouth. The funny thing was, all the stuff she'd faced since the day she had met a girl named Buffy Summers didn't really prepare her for what was happening to her now. The bottom line is, no matter how many confusing or downright terrifying situations you make it through, you still aren't adequately prepared for the newest confusing or downright terrifying situation you find yourself in.
They had spent the night in Willow's bed. She had pulled off Spike's shirt, and he had unbuttoned her pajama top. They made it to the bed and then Spike did something Willow didn't expect, as he was so prone to do. He just held her close to him and ran his fingers through her hair.
"Sweet little redhead," he called her. "Can you curl that little warm body of yours around this cold dead one and make me feel like I matter?"
His voice was soft and gentle and made Willow think his meeting with Drusilla might have brought out a bit of a crazy side in him, too.
"Hold onto me the way I know you would have the dog or the witch, like you love me and just need to feel me."
And she had.
Willow awoke twice during the night. It was still raining the first time. Spike was on his side and she was nestled behind him, with an arm around his waist and an ankle looped with one of his. She wasn't sure how she knew, but she could tell he was awake. The next time she drifted out of sleep, it was almost dawn and the rain had stopped. Spike was sound asleep on his back and Willow was propped half on top of him, with his arms securing her in place. She rested her head back on his chest, the surprise of him still being there not enough to keep her awake.
Willow's thoughts drifted back to the present. He doesn't know; it couldn't mean... She rolled onto her side and saw the note at her nightstand.
Please don't tell Slutty or Chubs.
The note made Willow smile. She wasn't sure if this was because she pictured the look Buffy and Xander would give her if she did tell them or because Spike had used the word 'please.' Either way, the smile soon returned to a thoughtful expression.
"Hold me like you love me and just need to feel me." He didn't know. Maybe he did. Spike was pretty intuitive. So he knew. It didn't matter; the point was that she knew...
...that she couldn't just fake something like that.