Willow closed her eyes, her hand curling up next to her face against her carefully fluffed pillow. Her legs shifted restlessly below the frilled white comforter covering her. The glassy plastic eye of the teddy bear clutched in one arm was cool against her flesh.
'I'll always be here for you, Willow... You're my hope, too... I just want to talk...' Spike's accented voice rang through Willow's mind, battering away any hope whatsoever she had of that sleep that night.
Willow groaned and pounded at her bed with a clenched fist. She twisted around beneath her covers, dragging her teddy along with her. The bear was only slightly less old than she was. His ragged fur was a cross between a pale brown and a blonde, and a lopsided smile graced his round face. Long before she had even imagined that vampires were real, Willow had solemnly named the beloved toy 'Sir William the Bear'.
Suddenly, his tiny smile seemed horribly mocking.
He landed facing her, his glassy brown eyes staring her straight in the face. Willow snarled at him, briefly debating how much better it would make her feel to toss the animal across the room. She sighed, abandoning her thoughts of violence against the stuffed toy. She pulled his soft fuzzy body into her arms, burying her face in his matted fur.
'I'm sorry Willow. I've heard getting dumped hurts... Whatever else he may have been, Spike was a friend to you, Willow. You invested much of your time and energy into your relationship... Will, don't worry about it so much! Everything worked out just fine... I _knew_ Spike couldn't be trusted! I _knew_ it!'
"Shut up! All of you!" Willow snapped, her voice loud in the silence of her room. She tensed slightly at the unexpected burst of words. The voices in her head continued to berate her, reassure her, analyze her reactions, oblivious to her growing annoyance with them.
Willow rolled onto her back, Sir William snuggled securely against her side. Willow's eyes peeled open wearily and she stared at the darkened ceiling. "He's been gone two weeks already. If I don't stop moping over him, I'll never get to sleep again," Willow muttered.
She closed her eyes firmly, only to be assaulted by visions of Spike and Drusilla's passionate kiss on the street outside her home. Willow gagged and her eyes shot open once again. 'At least _he's_ happy. He's probably getting happy a whole heck of a lot!' Willow's hand struggled out from under the blanket to smack at her forehead. 'Stop thinking already! Don't think. Don't feel. Sleep.'
"I need something to do," Willow stated, her voice low but determined. For as long as she could remember, Willow's motto had been 'when you hurt, work.' Sometimes, she suspected that Xander's continuous rejection of her romantic feelings had been the thing that had helped elevate her to her current scholastic level. She'd done more studying as an escape while mooning over her friend than Willow cared to remember.
'I could help out at the library more often...' Willow thought. 'But I already spend most of my free time there. And Giles, Buffy, Xander and Cordelia would be there too, at least some of the time. And if I have to listen to any more of them, no matter how sympathetic, talking about my feelings, I'll start screaming!'
No, the library was definitely out of the question.
The low babble of voices chattering away inside her mind faded, one sentence gaining strength and soaring above them. 'I sent him to Hell...' Buffy's harsh words rocked through Willow, making her stiffen under her blankets. Slowly, a smile formed on Willow's lips, and she let her eyes drift shut.
***
"Willow?"
Giles' inquisitive voice sent the girl jumping away from the stacks. She nearly tripped over her own feet as she hurried to face the librarian. "Giles! Hey! What a surprise to see you here... at the library... where you work... Heh. Nice weather we're having, isn't it?" Willow ended with a charming smile.
Giles peered at Willow from behind his glasses, amusement glinting in his eyes. "Quite. Are you looking for anything in particular?" He took a step towards Willow, who immediately skittered backwards.
"Um... no? No. I'm not looking for anything. I'm just looking... at the books... but not _for_ a book. No book looking for Willow!" She shifted from foot to foot, desperately hoping that she didn't look as suspicious as she felt.
The Watcher nodded slowly. 'Strange girl,' he thought fondly. Willow was quite obviously up to something, Giles noted, but she looked more animated than she had since Spike's departure. If Willow had discovered something that would help her deal with her loss, he wouldn't attempt to dissuade her. 'I hope that you are indeed as sensible as I believe you to be, Willow,' Giles thought, recognizing the distinctive corner of the book Willow was holding behind her back.
"If there is anything that confuses you, just ask me, Willow. And _please_ don't try anything too strenuous."
Willow's eyes widened, looking uncomfortably like a deer caught in the path of an oncoming car. "Strenuous? Nothing of the sort!" she nodded in time to her words, shot a smile at Giles, and made a dash for the door.
"Do _try_ to be careful, at least."
***
'That was close!' Willow thought as she slipped into the nearest girl's washroom. She scanned the room for signs of anyone else before scrambling up onto the counter. Her legs swinging slightly, Willow settled the book on her lap. The pages were thin and ancient, and yet remarkably resilient. Willow could only imaging what material had been trusted with the sensitive information she now held in her hands.
The dark ink was as legible as the day it had been put down to the page, and Willow's discerning eye landed upon the spell she had been searching for within moments.
She fought back a giddy giggle, born as much out of nerves as the thrill of success. "This should definitely keep me busy for a while," Willow breathed as she carefully read the instructions. 'But when I'm done, Buffy will have Angel... and I'll be the only miserable one left...'
Willow shook her head irritably. 'None of that nonsense! I have _work_ to do!' Willow carefully tucked the text into her schoolbag and slid off the counter. Smiling cheerfully, Willow exited the washroom as the warning bell shrilled overhead.
***
~End~