It didn't feel right, Spike thought distantly as Willow's shaking body pressed more firmly against his. He'd tasted this kind of kind of contact before -- hard and angry and savage. Give pain, take pain, drown those nagging, screaming thoughts beneath a barrage of physical sensation.
He wanted to. Part of him, man and demon - tired of waiting and playing, and soft hesitant steps closer towards a deeper intimacy - urged him to take what she was offering. 'You want her? Take her now,' it urged. 'All her fault, let her take the confusion away.'
The part of him that had grown to respect and care for Willow informed him that he'd regret doing any such thing as soon as he sobered up. He hadn't gained a friend, just to loose her for a momentary cease in his emotional turmoil.
Willow gasped against his mouth, pulling back from the kiss she had instigated only moments earlier. Her eyes were wide and horrified, and her mouth was twisting wordlessly. Shaking hands were torn from around Spike's neck, and Willow stumbled backwards.
"Oh Goddess! What am I doing?" she whimpered. "I don't want _this_!" She turned on her heel, shaking legs rushing her towards the waiting door and the escape the sun promised.
Spike's confused inaction disappeared at the sight of Willow's retreating back. He shot into motion, his hand wrapping around Willow's upper arm before she had taken more than three wobbling steps. He yanked her back towards him, his low growl making her tense in sudden fear.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, Willow?" Spike snapped as he swung Willow around in his arms so that she was facing him once again. He ignored her soft whimper as he shook her roughly.
"I don't know what I'm doing anymore. You have me so confused that I can't even think straight anymore!" Willow shrieked, her small fists balling up and striking against Spike's chest. "You kiss me and scream at me and ignore me -- what do you want me to do?!"
Spike growled and pushed Willow away from him. "What do I want you to do?" he repeated on a low, dangerous snarl. "I want you to get the fuck out of my life! I want to be able to tear out someone's throat without worrying about what you would think! I want to be able be able to burry myself inside a chit without feeling guilty! I _want_ to be able to sleep without you invading my dreams!"
"You want me out of your life you... you... stupid _vampire_?!" Willow hissed, barely hearing the words that poured past Spike's lips in an angry torrent after that first, hurtful admission. "So fine, I'll leave you alone, and you can spend the rest of your life living out of a bottle. See what I care!"
"I wouldn't have come to this if it weren't for you!" Spike howled in rage as Willow began to stalk away from him once more. She turned around slowly, her face flushed and her eyes narrowing dangerously.
"You think that this is _my_ fault, do you?" Willow said, her voice suddenly calm. "Let's recap, shall we? Drusilla was the one who ditched you. _You_ were the one who came to me. _You_ were the one who ran off with Drusilla when she came back, and came crawling back when she tried to get her 'Daddy' back. Drusilla ran off and got caught up with a monster. _You_ got all snippy with me and ran off to sulk and drink," she drew in a deep breath, casting a measuring glance in Spike's direction. "I don't see how you could possibly pin this on _me_."
"You're blind then, you bloody little twit," Spike growled at his alcohol dulled mind struggled to keep up with the steady flow of words Willow was emitting.
Her brief descent towards a calmer voice halted abruptly and her voice climbed once again. "I've done nothing but try to help you! I talked to you, I was your friend, I didn't complain when you left with that... _creature_ of yours, and when she came back, all I wanted to do was _help_! And what do you do? You scream at me and storm off!"
"You can't help--"
"You could have let me try! I can understand that you're upset, but you've been ignoring me for the past _two weeks_. You may have forever to waste here, Spike, but I don't," Willow said, the tears swimming in her eyes hiding Spike's reaction from her. When he didn't answer, Willow whirled around and ran towards the door. This time, he didn't try to stop her.
Hours later, Spike remained seated on the factory's floor at the same spot where he had stood as he'd poured out all of his anger and rage. It had felt good, as they had burst forth, so strong that they'd momentarily obliterated the confusion that had driven him away from Willow in the first place. Now, he felt curiously... empty... _lost_.
The hesitant knock at the door sent Spike's head jerking upright. It swung open a moment later and Cordelia cautiously inched into the cavernous room. She took in Spike's hunched form, and the empty bottle that had rolled across the floor, and her hand tightened around the cross she wore. 'God, why am I doing this again? Willow better appreciate this!'
"What do you want?" Spike grumbled, no venom in his voice.
"I want you and Willow to grab a clue and stop moping!" Cordelia said, her nose wrinkling in distaste as she examined the room's interior with a critical eye. "You should really fire whoever does the decorating in here..." she ignored Spike's incredulous gaze, as she mentally added a few couches and throw rugs to the room. His low growl snapped her back to attention, and Cordelia jumped, patting at her cross for reassurance.
"Get to the point, Cordelia," Spike sighed as he pulled himself upright.
Her eyes widened as he rose, and she took a hasty step backwards. "You aren't planning on trying to snack on me, are you?" she asked nervously. She hesitated a moment after he shook his head before continuing. "Anyway, I thought that you and Willow could benefit from my help. Afterall, I am highly experienced in these things. And you two can use all the help you can get. I mean, really, what kind of experience do the two of you have in relationships? Willow has years of lusting after Xander, and you've been mooning over that -- uh, charming psycho of yours--"
"How exactly are you planning on 'helping,' pet?" Spike asked, amused despite himself.
Cordelia straightened her shoulders, her head titling. "I am going to straighten things out. You two get way too worked up when you're on your own. So, talk to me, Spike. What's with the ignoring Willow thing, and blaming her for what's happening? And it better be good, I've been listening to Willow whine about you since Drusilla came back." Cordelia paused long enough to roll her eyes, and then gave an imperious wave, urging Spike to begin.
"Don't you worry, Spike. We're going to fix everything."
~End~