Willow Rosenberg could file her name under an
impressive number of categories: best friend, Slayerette, hacker, student
extraordinaire, witch, and sex addict. The last one was proving to be more
than just a touch problematic.
Willow sighed as she shifted her school-bag, heavy
with books that she'd just finished signing out from the school library
-- a thoroughly embarrassing experience, considering that most of the volumes
contained titles prominently displaying the word 'sex.' Giles had looked
at her strangely when she had dropped the impressive pile of books in front
of him on the checkout desk, but had kept his thoughts to himself. Which,
all considered, was a _good_ thing, as Willow suspected that Id-Willow
would have been more than happy to demonstrate exactly why she needed that
material.
Cautious-Willow finally peeked out from her corner,
where she had cowered with her eyes clenched and her hands clamped over
her non-existent ears during the entire check-out process. 'We wouldn't
be in such a mess if you'd been a good girl and saved yourself for your
marriage bed.'
Willow and Id-Willow both started at that. 'Marriage
bed?' Willow echoed. '_Mom_, is that you?'
'Goddess! She wouldn't be getting any until she
was in her _thirties_ that way!' Id-Willow protested in horror, doubly
glad that she'd taken control of that little run-in with Spike before Cautious-Willow
had managed to lock their body shut for the next ten or so years. _That_
was certainly best not thought about!
'My thirties? Hey, I wasn't _that_ good a girl!'
Willow thought.
'Fine, hussies!' Cautious-Willow huffed. And then
yelped. 'Eek! It's the pe--, the _it_! It's the it! The horrible, horrible
_it_!'
Id-Willow rubbed her imaginary hands together
gleefully. 'Don't you mean the yummy it? So, he's back for more, is he?'
she practically purred.
"Will both of you shut up!" Willow hissed under
her breath. "He is still an evil vampire and he's probably here to eat
me, not--" She blushed, cutting off that thought as her eyes finally completed
their journey towards Spike. And refusing to cooperate at all, they bypassed
his face totally and landed right on his--
'_It_' Cautious-Willow said firmly, since referring
to said portion of his anatomy by name couldn't lead to anything other
than further chaos.
She pulled her eyes upwards to meet Spike's smirking
face. "_You_," Willow growled suddenly, surprising herself, and stunning
the two bickering fragments of her imagination into silence. "How dare
you do this to me!"
Spike blinked.
And Id-Willow found her voice again. 'Ah, how
_sweet_. His Confused Face is almost as captivating as his Orgasm Face.'
Cautious-Willow squealed in protest.
"I was a perfectly normal person until you went
and had sex with me!" Willow barreled onwards. "Goddess, you're older,
you should have known better! I mean, really, how was _I_ supposed to know
that it was addictive? Hmm? They don't exactly cover this in sex ed, you
know. I've spent half of the last week thinking about sex, and the other,
trying _not_ to! And what are _you_ laughing at, you... you..." Willow
trailed off as she realized that during her ill advised tirade, she had
been marching towards the vampire. She now found herself face to chest
with him.
'Eep! What now?!'
'Bring out your cross, and then run like heck!'
Cautious-Willow counselled.
'You are such the bore!' Id-Willow shot back.
'Try: 'take me here and now, you studly stud, you.''
'No! I absolutely forbid it!' Cautious-Willow
shrieked. 'You will not offer us up to the ravenous appetite of this...
this _bad influence_!'
'Bad influence? Are you sure you were screwing
the same vampire as the rest of us?'
Figment number two didn't have time to reply,
as at that moment, they found themselves pressed up against Spike. 'What
did you do?!' Cautious-Willow wailed in horror.
'I said 'take me here and now' and attacked his zipper,' came Willow's muffled reply. 'Now hush, I'm busy being taken.'
END