Disclaimer: I own nothing of the BtVS characters or the Angel characters. Joss is my god, my Buda. I also do not own the song You Leave Me Weak by Toby Keith I just borrowed it cause it fit into the story
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: W/S
Summary: Willow goes to LA and tells Angel her secret
Spoilers: season 4 BtVS and season 2 Angel
Note: I really don't know what to say other than that I wrote this long, long time ago. Oh and ~***~ means the past
Feedback: pweeeeeeeeeeeze
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Angel growled as Lorne yet again came over to stand by his table. He still nursed his first drink as he watched the door. Both Cordelia and Gunn were complaining about the wait and Wesley was chatting it up with a Klypta demon. He was getting impatient. Giles had called him nearly four hours ago to say the Willow was planning on leaving at dusk. < She should have been here over four hours ago! >
The dark vampire took a deep, unneeded breath to calm his rattled nerves. Giles had told him about how he suspected that Willow might be part of a prophecy so Angel had suggested that he send the witch to LA.
He was about ready to get up and start driving towards Sunnydale when a petit redhead walked in. He sensed her before he saw or smelt her. There was that magical smell that she had had for as long as he could remember but there was also something different--something he couldn't place. The girl smiled up at him when he stood to give her a hug. She was almost glowing but he could smell recent tears. Her heartbeat was fluttering about and....
< Is that... two heartbeats? > Angel frowned and watched as the girl silently greeted everyone and Cordelia introduced Gunn. "Willow...?"
The girl shook her head slowly. She looked up at him with tear-filled eyes. "I know that Giles wants me to get a reading done but... I need to tell you something before I do."
Cordelia touched the smaller girl's shoulder. "What is it Willow?"
"I.... I-I'm pregnant," she whispered.
Angel nodded. "And....?" He wasn't surprised like the others mostly because he had heard the other heartbeat. "Did you know how--"
"Angel, Spike is the father."
Angel fell heavily into his chair. That's what the scent he had picked up was. < This isn't possible. I mean, Spike's a vamp and there's only one way that she would.... > "You two got drunk, didn't you?"
Willow nodded.
~***~
Willow sat on her bed with tears sliding down her face. < This can't be happening! > "Was it something that I did?" she asked softly.
The blond girl who was packing her bags looked up and went to her. "Of course not! Will, this is about me--not you. I just need to go see some people. Get a reading done. I need to make sure that I'm taking the right path. This has nothing to do with our relationship."
"Don't you see?!" Willow demanded, jumping up. "This has everything to do with our relationship. You don't know whether or not you really are gay. This "trip" is for you to find out if you really belong in a girl/girl relationship." Willow flung open the door and stood there for a moment.
"Tell me, Tara, did you ever really love me?" When there was no reply she left, not even bothering to close the door.
She walked for hours. She didn't notice when the sun sunk below the horizon and the city was plunged into darkness. She felt the coolness that was rain falling around her but she didn't recognize the area that she had ended up at.
"Hullow, luv," a voice said. She knew it but in her emotional state she couldn't place it.
"Where are we?" she whispered. She looked around and for the first time in hours took in her surroundings.
There was a soft laugh before Spike stepped out of the shadow of a tree. He took in her rain-drenched form and swollen, red eyes and shook his head as he looked down at his feet. "A place where no one will find us."
Willow wrapped her arms around herself. "What are you doing here?"
"Well, I was on my way to meet a very nice yellow light that's call the sun but, you see, I saw this girl with red hair that seemed to scream "vulnerable." Thought I might have a chat." He pulled out a small metal flask and took a swig. "See, I'm a tad bit pissed and quite depressed."
"Why?" she asked softly as she sat down on a park bench.
Spike sat at the opposite end. "What's that, pet?"
Willow took a deep breath and asked, "Why meet the sun?"
"I like my suicide a bit less painful then blood loss, a miss staked stake or starvation. I could pull them all off but, sayin' hi to the bright and cheery...." He let the sentence finish itself in her mind. He offered her the bottle. "What's with you, ducks?"
Willow looked at the flask and raised an eyebrow.
"Its just bourbon, pet."
She took it and held it uncomfortably for a moment. She watched him as she considered her response. His hair, for once, was falling in locks in his eyes--there was no gel present. His clothes had stains all over them while his duster looked a bit frayed around the edges. Finally she took a small sip. "Ooh..." she managed. After a moment see sighed, closed her eyes and tilted her head back to face the rain.
Spike chuckled and took the bottle from her.
"Me n' Tara just broke up. Well, at least that's what I think just happened." She shrugged and wrapped her arms tighter around her middle.
"Come 'ere, pet." Spike opened his duster. "I may be a bit cool but, at least you won't get as wet. That way you can tell me your worries without having to shout over the rain."
Willow smiled ever so slightly and crawled next to him. He wasn't exactly cold but he wasn't warm either. She snuggled in as far as she could get and Spike wrapped the jacket around them both.
The two of them spoke of little things while they just passed the bottle back and forth until it was empty. After that they just sat. The silence wasn't uncomfortable but it wasn't exactly welcome. When thunder rolled and lightning stuck not soon afterwards Spike stood them up but kept his tight hold on Willow. "You're freezing, luv. We need to get you somewhere warm."
The alcohol had numbed the edges of everything in Willow so she just mutely followed his lead. It didn't take them too long to find a cheep hotel. Willow watched as Spike spoke briefly with the guy at the desk before walking back to Willow.
"There's only one room left, ducks. It's got one bed but, accordin' to fatty, it's a king. Should be enough room to share if you don't mind. The sun's gunna be up soon and the slayer would kill me if she found out that I'd left you here not feelin' all that great."
Willow nodded. She felt somewhat lightheaded and almost giddy. When they reached the room they both didn't know exactly what they were supposed to do. Spike walked over and sat on the edge of the right side of the bed.
"Well, I guess since you don't breathe I don't have to worry about you snoring," Willow stated deadpan.
"You do have a point, Red."
She moved to a wooden chair while Spike used the extra blanket that he'd gotten to block the window. By the time he had turned to face her she was down to struggling with the clasp to her skirt. For some reason the people who had made the thing had put both a clasp and a button and she couldn't figure out which one she was supposed to get undone first.
"Here, pet, let me help you."
Willow waited patiently while Spike removed her skirt for her and the next thing she knew, he was kissing her.
~***~
"I should have known. That idiot childe of mine is going to die a slow and torturous death." Angel made as if to stand but Willow stopped him with a look.
"You do realize that there's more to it then what I told you, right?"
Angel cocked his head to one side. "Like?"
Willow glared at him then took a deep breath. "It was a mutual agreement. He kissed me and then I kissed him back. If I hadn't he would have backed off."
"How do you know that?" Angel growled.
"Have you ever known Spike to get drunk on a single flask of bourbon and one that he shared with someone else, no less?"
~***~
Willow woke up slowly with the feeling of being lost. She looked around her unfamiliar surroundings with squinted eyes. The light from a small lamp hurt her eyes mostly because she had had her head under the blankets. When her eyes finally adjusted to the dim light she noticed that she wasn't alone in her bed. She looked down at the arm draped across her bare stomach. She bit her lip to stop herself from screaming. That was when the memories of the night before came back to her.
She slowly slid out of bed hoping desperately not to wake the other occupant. Her world was spinning and as she pulled on her clothes she spoke silently to herself. < Damn it Willow, you know better than to get drunk after being dumped. Didn't Cave Slayer teach you anything? Bourbon is bad. Bourbon will never happen again. And Spike? I mean there's a million guys out in Sunnydale and you had to pick the undead one that you know. What is with you girl? >
She was completely dressed minus her shirt when she heard Spike sighing softly in his sleep and a small smile spread across his face before he whispered, "Red..."
A shiver crawled down her spine and she pulled Spike's black t-shirt over her head--giving up on the search on her own. Before leaving she wrote a quick note saying that there was a Scooby meeting that she couldn't miss. At the reception desk she paid for another day so that Spike wouldn't have to leave until dusk. When she got to the Magic Box everyone was happy and smiley but Willow felt on edge. Every time someone said her name she jumped and researching wasn't going very well. Her mind kept on wandering to a certain peroxide blond vamp that they all knew and hated--well Xander and Buffy did anyways. Buffy kept on asking if she was okay.
Willow finally broke down and told them about her and Tara and there was the usual "I'm sorry"s but she could tell that they were relieved that she wasn't with the blond witch anymore.
On her way to her dorm after the research session had ended she felt a chill run threw her. Two blocks from the magic shop an arm was thrown across her shoulders.
"Comfy?"
Willow nearly jumped out of her skin. At the sound of a familiar chuckle, she stiffened. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You're wearing my shirt, pet. Thought you would have been kind enough to drop it off at my place before going to your precious Scooby meeting." Spike took a drag of his cigarette. "It looks good on you though."
Willow tried to pull out of his embrace but he just held on tight with his one arm. "I went straight to the Magic Box. If I had gone home I would have been late."
"I can tell. I can smell me all over you." With a smirk he stepped away from her. They had reached the door to her dorm. "Let me know when I can get it back, luv."
To his back Willow said, "Why don't you come in and I give it to you now?"
Spike quirked an eyebrow but didn't say anything. When he stepped into the room he immediately put out his cigarette and opened a window. "Nice digs pet. Could use a make over."
Willow noticed that most of Tara's stuff was gone and there was an envelope on her desk. She ignored it and looked at Spike. "If you want it back you're going to have to turn around."
Spike smiled and shook his head. "Seen it all before, Red."
"Not while I was sober."
Spike visibly flinched and Willow went red. He took a step towards her.
"Look, ducks, I'm sorry but, it 'appened. There isn't much that we can do about it. Either we can say that it was a one-night thing that we'll regret for the rest of our days--or you can cause there's no bloody way that I'm ever going to regret last night--or we can work with it. Make what 'appened last night into sumthin' more."
Willow stood there speechless for a minute or two. "You don't regret....?"
"Not a bit," he said with a grin. "Half a bottle of bourbon shared with a red-haired witch isn't enough to get me pissed."
"So you took advantage of my depressed and drunken state?" she asked as her lips twitched ever so slightly.
"Wouldn't 'ave 'appened if I 'adn't."
Willow shook her head and pulled the shirt off. She tossed it at him with a smile on her face. "You've got a couple things that belong to me."
"Yeah, I do." Spike reached into his bottomless duster pockets and pulled out from the left, her shirt and from the right, her underwear. "Thought you'd kick me in the stomach when you noticed that I'd stolen em. Guess I was wro--"
He was cut off by Willow kissing him.
~***~
"Willow!"
Willow went bright red and wouldn't meet Cordelia's or Angel's eyes. Her face was flaming when she heard Wesley clear his throat.
The ex-watcher was smiling slightly. "I think that... that night was inevitable. There was something about the way you spoke of Spike whenever you emailed Cordy. I think that you've always been attracted to Spike."
Willow's face went white before turning back to red. "Anyways.... I was worried that Spike wanted us to be a permanent thing and since I had just broken up with Tara I decided that we needed to set up ground rules. We both came to the conclusion that we were on the rebound. Dru dumped spike and he told me that he had had some kind of strange obsession with Buffy. And I had just had a falling out with Tara. I told him that if Tara ever wanted me back then I would go back to her. The weeks went by and well... she didn't come back."
"Willow?" Angel asked softly.
Willow smiled slightly. "Tara came back a few weeks later but I had already give up on her. I had been willing to spend forever with Spike without realizing it."
Gunn put up his hand. When everyone was looking at him he asked, "So, you fell completely for the vamp and the witch came back and you spit up?"
"Not quite," the redhead whispered.
~***~
Willow sat in her parents' living room. They were gone on business and wouldn't back for about three months so they had asked her to stay at the house since they had recently been robbed. She had spoken with her parents and they had agreed to let her move back in so that they wouldn't have worry about finding house sitters.
She and Spike had been going steady for about two months and Willow had gotten word that Tara had moved back to her hometown. Her whole world seemed tipped upside down. None of the Scooby's really knew anything about her and Spike except that he was spending a little more time with her. In fact, she and Spike were dating. He took her to the theatres and dinner and sometimes they would just sit and watch TV. The times that Willow liked the most was when they just talked.
Willow was in the middle of typing up a paper that Spike was supposed to be helping her with when the doorbell rang. < I thought Spike said that he wouldn't be able to make it tonight? > When she answered the door her breath caught in her throat. "Tara..."
"Hi, can I come it?"
Willow nodded and let the girl in. Just before she shut the door she noticed a figure slowly walking away from her house. She bit back her first instinct to go after him and locked the door tight.
Tara was waiting for her in the living room. "So, you moved out of the dorm?"
Willow nodded and sat down across from her in an overstuffed chair that Spike had recently persuaded her to buy. "I thought you moved back home?" Tara shook her head. "Just visiting. My grandmother died."
"Oh," the redhead whispered. She picked at a loose thread at the edge of her shirt. "Tara, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I figured that you weren't coming back. When I got to the dorm all your stuff was gone and that note..."
Tara nodded. "I wasn't lying when I said that I thought we needed a break. It's been two months... I want to try and work toward what we used to have and if that isn't possible then I at least want to be friends. People have told me that you're dating again."
Willow saw the tears in the other girl's eyes and bit back her own. "Tara, the way you worded that letter was that we were over and we would never have what we had before. I recognized that and I moved on. There isn't much else to say then that I have someone that I am very happy with."
Tara smiled. "I'm glad that you can move past what was. I was wondering... do you think I could spend the night here? I signed up for a new room at the dorm but I won't be able to move in until tomorrow afternoon."
Willow nodded and showed her to the guest room. That night as she lay in bed she thought of Spike. < Why did he leave? Is there something that I did that made him think that I would take Tara back? >
***
Willow walked into Spike's crypt. She had purposely waited until Tara was completely moved into her dorm room before coming to see him. She smiled when she spotted the book that she had given him a couple weeks ago. She had told him that another way to work out the day's frustrations was to write down what had happened.
She looked around. He had cleaned the place up quite well. He had new furniture and the place now had cable though how he had managed it she had no idea. For the days when she had to work non-stop on the latest baddie he would IM her and they would talk for a while and then she would go back to her research.
The room was littered with candles of every shape and size and all of them were lit. He was home. The last time they had actually been at his place she hadn't seen the "downstairs" but she had a feeling that he now sported a bedroom.
The shadows from the flickering candles played tricks with the redhead's eyes as she searched the room for her blond. "Spike?" she whispered when she didn't see him.
"What are you doing here, ducks?"
His voice came from right behind her and caused her to jump almost a foot. She couldn't help but cringe at the distance in his voice. < What the heck did I do to deserve that? >
"I wanted to talk to you," she said as she watched him move to pick up the journal. He dropped into a chair and the book seemed to have disappeared. His face showed nothing. It was the face the she had seen him use whenever he spoke to Buffy. < What have I done to make him hate me? > She avoided his eyes so that he wouldn't see her tears.
The blond lit a cigarette and took a long drag. He hadn't done any serious smoking since they had been together and Willow felt as if a hot squewer went through her. "Well, Red, I can't think of a single reason as to why."
"Damn it Spike! What the hell is wrong? Why won't you tell me?" Willow looked him in the eye, tears streaming down her face. He was being so cold.
He hadn't acted like this to her since before he got chipped. "I can't read your mind so tell me so that I an figure out what we need to do to get past it."
"We? We, pet? Aren't you forgetting something? You told me that we shouldn't expect this to last, well guess what? It's over!" He stood and stalked into the shadows.
Willow wrapped her arms around her. "Please... I need to know why."
"Tara came b... back," was the shaky reply.
Willow searched through her memories trying to understand what he meant. "Oh goddess.... Spike, don't you understand?"
"There's nothing to understand. She asked you to take her back and you agreed just like you said you would."
"I didn't take her back Spike. I couldn't.... not after what she did to me."
Willow reached into the shadows and pulled Spike out. She looked up into his baby blues and hoped her own green eyes showed the words that she wasn't ready to say yet. "She asked but I said no."
~***~
Angel watched as Cordelia held Willow around the shoulders. The witch wasn't sobbing but every so often a tear would slide down her face as if she were remembering a memory that she cherished.
"Sounds just like a soap," Gunn stated.
Willow gave a crooked smile. "It does doesn't it?'
~***~
Willow stood near the demonology texts across the wall in the magic shop when suddenly a wave of nausea hit her like a ton of bricks. She felt dizzy and her stomach was twisted up in knots. Her vision swirled and everything grew dim and then too bright for her to keep her eyes open. Anya was the first person to see her clutching the bookshelf for support. After she dropped her books though everyone was looking at her. For some reason the eyes that hers caught were Giles'. She let out a strangled gasped before she tried to run to the washroom. She didn't know who caught her but whoever it was they were rubbing circles on her back as they carried her toward her destination.
As she puked out most of her day's meals she became aware of Buffy, Spike and Giles arguing while Xander whispered in her ear. Something about her needing to go home. After she had rinsed her mouth out and took a few breaths she said, "Buffy, I can go home on my own. You need to patrol and Giles needs to find out more about this prophecy."
Buffy shook her head. "There is no way you can walk home on your own if you're feeling like you look." She scanned the faces in the room and her gaze rested on Spike. "Spike can walk you home. If you run into something he'll help you out."
Willow nodded and managed to get out of the shop without collapsing. She knew that Spike would want to know what was wrong but she didn't know herself.
"So, luv, you bin feelen sick lately?"
Willow heard the masked concern in his voice and a smile spread across her features. "Yeah. It's never been this bad though. I've got an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow."
"When?"
Willow snaked her arm around his waist so that he was supporting half her weight on his side. "After dusk.... I was kinda hoping that you'd come with me. I usually get ucky feeling after sunset."
Spike smiled at her. "Luv to Red."
~***~
"The prophecy that you talked about--is that the one that you're here for?" Wesley asked.
Willow nodded. "It went something like: Evil and good, darkness and light. Back and white make shades of grey. Together they are forever and something new will come to play."
Wesley removed his glasses. "Yes, I believe it does."
~***~
Willow watched as her doctor puttered around the small office. Everything the woman did caused Willow to be suspicious as she answered the woman's questions about her symptoms. "Dr. Adli, I know that you know something." The older woman sighed and sat down next to her. "Willow, the types of symptoms that you're describing go hand in hand with pregnancy. The man that you're here with, are you two sexually active?"
Willow shook her head. "No, not..."
"Have you been together at all in the past couple months?" Adli asked.
Willow swallowed hard. "We have but..."
Dr. Adli smiled at her encouragingly. "It's okay Willow, you can tell me."
"He...it isn't possible for him to have kids," Willow whispered.
"Well, have you been with anyone else?"
Willow shook her head. "We've been going steady for two months."
Dr. Adli gave her a look. "Usually when two people go steady..."
"No. He can't have children."
The doctor nodded. "There isn't much else that this could be. I'll do some blood tests and get back to you in a couple days. For now we won't say pregnancy but I want you to talk to your boyfriend. Maybe convince him to go in and get some tests done himself."
Willow nodded mutely and walked out of the office. There was really no other explanation. The last time she remembered having her period was about a week before she and Tara had split up. When she reached the waiting room and came face to face with Spike she burst into tears and fled.
***
Willow looked up at the sound of her bedroom door opening. Her mother was standing in the threshold. She had come back from the trip early because of some problems at the office and was leaving again in the morning.
"Will, are you okay?" Sheila asked softy.
Willow shook her head. "Mom, you remember Spike, don't you?"
Sheila came to sit down on the bad next to her. "The tall blond?"
Willow nodded and laid her head in her mother's lap. Sheila had met Spike because she had come home early while Willow had been hosting a Scooby meeting. She had made the introductions and Sheila had never mentioned the incident again. "Well, we've been dating for a couple months. I've sorta known him through Buffy since grade 11 but we got really serious after I moved back here," Willow explained as her mother ran her fingers through the witch's hair.
"What's wrong Will?"
"Mom... I - I'm pregnant." Willow waited for the yelling to start but nothing happened. She turned to look at the older woman.
Sheila didn't look at her. She seemed to be lost in thought. "Willow... I'm sorry that I haven't been here and if this is to earn some attention--"
"No, mom!" Willow said sitting up. She met her eyes and whispered, "He doesn't know and I just found out a couple hours ago... Mom, I'm scared."
Sheila let out a breath and put her arm around Willow's shoulders. "I promise you, Willow, your father and will always support you. No matter what you decide to do, we will be at your side."
~***~
Cordelia sighed. "So, you were never close to your parents?"
Willow shook her head. "No, I was adopted which explains why I have magical powers and none of my family did. My mom told me before she left. She thought that it would be important that I knew."
Angel didn't say anything while he watched the flood of emotions shifting across Willow's face.
The ex-cheerleader asked the question that he wanted to answer to. "So what happened with Spike?"
"I'll get to that."
Wesley touched the girl's shoulder. "Someone found out didn't they?"
The witch nodded. "Giles clued in when I was talking to Buffy about how I was feeling. He asked me what my doctor had told me and I told him that the results to all the testing was that I was pregnant. He didn't seem all that surprised. I figured he would start lecturing me about premarital sex but all he did was offer me a part time job."
Gunn spoke up then. "Giles? Is he the ex-watcher?"
There was nods all around and Willow continued, "Me n' Spike hadn't really spoken since the episode in the doctors office. That was almost a month ago but two nights before I was planning on coming here he just showed up to walk me home."
~***~
Willow paced the floor of the magic shop. Half an hour till closing time and all the other Scoobys had run off with or to their significant others. She would be walking alone. At least she thought she would be until the door opened and Spike walked in.
"Hullow, Red. Slayer called me and asked for me to walk you home."
Willow took in his appearance. His roots showed and he wasn't wearing his duster. Over his black t-shirt he wore a white silk button up instead of red and his jeans looked devoid of dirt. "I'm surprised she remembered me."
Spike grinned slightly. It wasn't his icy Spike grin just a real
"I'm-happy-that-you-can-joke-about-it" grin. "Well, sometimes she isn't as dumb as the bond dye makes her out to be."
Willow locked the till and Spike followed her to the door. They waked in companionable silence until Spike spoke. "Willow, what happened at the doctor's office?"
She stopped and stared up at him. < He used my name. I can't believe it. I didn't even know if he knew it. > She looked away from him before he could see the tears in her eyes. "I really--"
"That's okay. I knew better then to hope that what we 'ad..." he trailed off as if he didn't know how to finish the sentence. He ran a hand threw his already wild hair then patted his pockets as if looking for something.
Willow touched his arm and he looked down at her. "I just kidda freaked out cause the doctor let it slip that I was adopted. I confronted Sheila latter and she confirmed it. I figured you'd hate me for not knowing who I am."
Spike grabbed her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. "I would never do that to you, Red. There are sum things that a vampire does that make you think they're evil but we know what it's like to be alone. Most vamps out unlived their makers. We never really know where we belong or even if. I never 'ad any parenting, I lived with distant relatives until I was old enough to realize 'ow much they avoided me. You--you 'ave people who 'ave taken care of you. They show you love-or least, they did. My guardians could barely stand to look at me."
Willow was shaking with tears by the time he stopped talking. She had nothing to add, nothing that she could think of to lighten the mood. < Damn! Where's Xander when I need him. Ooh, bad idea. He would just kill Spike after having a good laugh. > She took a deep breath and whipped her tears on her sleeve. "Why did you tell me that?" she asked softly.
Spike let go of her and walked a couple steps away before facing her.
Willow realized that the vampire had changed almost everything about himself just for her. He was growing out the blond of his hair- though she had never asked him to, he had stopped smoking, and she couldn't remember the last time that he had insulted Xander. Slowly his crypt was turning into a home and his wardrobe had more colour. He had turned his unlife upside down so that she would stay with him and when she found out that she had something of his growing inside her belly she had run. She went to the one person that knew the least about her.
Things were different with her mother now because of that though. There were so many things that she had always wished she would could get to do with her that was now happening. Sheila and Ira had signed the house over to her, which had surprised Willow because she hadn't even known that they owned it. She knew that owning a house was something that didn't happen often. Sheila would spend one day a week to help her out with the nursery and just have a girl day. Ira had told her that she had a lot more money then she realized because he had sold some of her ideas to a computer company in some foreign country. She was more apart of her family now then ever and it was all thanks to Spike.
Spike.... the vamp she hadn't spoken to--even at Scooby meetings--in the past month. They had had some rough times before but never had something this big happened.
Willow stepped close to Spike and touched his cheek. "Spike.... I'm sorry. I was confused and didn't know what to do. You always seemed to be the type that judged a person by their past which you do with everyone you've known. Xander is the Wanker from high school, Anya is Demon-Girl, Giles is Watcher and Buffy is Slayer or blond bimbo or Slutty the Vampire Layer or whatever you can come up with. Then there's Angel and Dru and even Riley." Willow looked down and when she looked back up at him she had fresh tears that she couldn't control in her eyes. "How am I supposed to believe that you see me as Willow and not just high school geek?" Spike tried to turn away from her but she grabbed his arm and held him with all her strength. "Answer me damn it!"
"I don't judge people by their past. You should know by now that that is my defence mechanism. I use it because I can't kill anymore. 'ow do you think Buffy would react if I told 'er that I respected her and would always want at my back in a fight if my Sire couldn't be there or that I thought of Giles as the father I never 'ad? What would 'appen if I told Xander that I figured him as one of my best friends or Anya that I wish I could get to know her better 'cause she always says what she feels whether or not it's appropriate? Angelus.... he's my Sire but Angel is the souled version and Dru..." Spike stopped there.
Willow felt her throat close up. < He still loves her. I bet whenever we're together he thinks of her. Why would someone like Spike ever want someone like me? >
Spike grabbed her arm so that she would pay attention to what he was saying.
"And Drusilla is in the past. I still love 'er but only because we're blood related through Angelus. We are like brother and sister though don't think of it that way cause you might get grossed out."
Willow placed a hand over her lower belly in a protective manor and whispered, "And me?" He said it so quietly that she knew he wouldn't have been able to hear her had he been human.
"You, Red, are the woman I luv."
~***~
Willow looked down at her hands. There wasn't much left for her to say but what had happened only a few hours ago. She knew better then to think that she could go on before the others had their chances to ask her a couple questions and digest what she had told them.
Angel cleared his throat then said, "You didn't tell him that you love him too."
Willow gasped. < How did he...? >
"It's obvious how much you love him, Willow. There is no way in hell that he doesn't know. He just needs you to say the words. He isn't the type to get personal like that. He probably thinks that you just want him for his body--"
"We haven't had sex since that first night," Willow stated and almost smiled at the look on Angel's face. She took a deep breath before explaining. "I made it clear to him that what me n' Tara had had was basically based on a sexual attraction. I didn't want that and he agreed. I know that he wanted more and a few times I almost gave in to his advances. You know me Angel. I'm not the type to do the sex thing while trying to get to know the person."
Cordelia touched the witch's arm. "I know. You and Oz were barely onto the smoochies stage into the second year of your relationship. I know about how you were only together a couple times."
Willow nodded.
Angel cleared his throat. Sex was one of the few things that he didn't want to talk to Willow about. It just didn't feel right.
"Hey, Red, why don't you tell us what happened before you left?" Lorne asked softly.
~***~
Willow could feel him before he actually appeared at her bedroom door. She wasn't all that surprised. The whole "touchy feely" thing had been going on for about two weeks. She could feel his presence and sense his moods before she actually said anything to him or he spoke.
For him to be there wasn't a surprise either but he had told her that he would be busy that day and she had hopped to be able to pack in peace. They were trying to rekindle what they had had but she wasn't so sure about how he wanted the relationship to work.
The past two days he had been acting like a kicked puppy yet whenever she asked him what was wrong he would lash out at her. That was why she was leaving. She couldn't deal with his mood swings and Giles needed to know if she was the one from the prophecy.
She looked up when she heard Spike speaking with Sheila in the hallway. She was still surprised at how much of an actual mother Sheila had become since she had told Willow that she was adopted. Ira was still distant but he was around. He had managed to get her on as a silent partner at some Chinese computer company and the pay was more then she had expected.
She touched her belly and silently cursed herself for not renewing the spell to mask the child from Spike. < I just need to stay at a distance. The spell is still in affect. It's just if he gets too close he'll be able to sense the difference in me. >
"Going sumwhere Red?"
Willow shook herself out of her thoughts and tried to smile. "Ah... yeah."
She moved to her bed and checked to see what she had packed. She planned to stay with Angel for a couple days after getting the reading done. She had a few things that she needed to ask him. "Giles thinks that us Scoobys may be directly linked to this prophecy. Since I'm a major part of this group he wants me to go to LA. He can't go or send Buffy cause of the major vamp activity."
Spike sat at her computer chair. "What's in LA?"
"Angel--"
"You're going to see Paingel?" Spike growled.
Willow shook her head. When she looked away from him she saw Sheila standing in her door way. "No--and yes. Your Sire happened to know a reader. They give you hints about your future and all that. Angel is meeting me at Kraitos so that I can sing. I asked that he be there." Willow explained as she placed a few more things into her bag.
"And you plan on staying for a while. Don't forget that I know you, luv. If you were just going there to sing you would take snacks but you are packing clothes." Spike pulled out a cigarette and played with it. He didn't light it; he just ran it through his fingers.
"Listen to me, Spike. You don't know everything there is to know about me! We may have been on and off for the past three months but you don't know me. I am my own person and if Giles asks me to do something that may cut down the research to a minimum I will. You don't own me! .... Nobody does." The last two words were a bare whisper as Willow made the mistake of looking into Spike's eyes. The naked hurt that stood there almost tore her into pieces.
Suddenly the vampire stood and took a step towards her. His eyes had iced over and his face had turned to stone. "Well, witch, I never said that I owned you. Who would want to with your bloody mood swings and never ending love for the watcher and his slayer? Go shag em for all I bloody care! We both know that you can't stand to even touch me."
Willow shook with rage. "You stupid ass Vampire! The only reason I'm so damn close to Giles is 'cause he knows about us. He was willing to accept that there was an "us" from the beginning. That watcher, as you so love to call him has been like a second father to me these past few months. I couldn't have made it this last month if it weren't for him. I would be a complete mess if Giles hadn't been there to walk me through everything that's been happening to me. I can't do this alone! Sure Sheila and Ira have been here but we've never been close. You never seemed to want to get back with me until two days ago. I get the feeling that Giles talked to you. He probably told you without telling you that I needed you more then ever! He did, didn't he?"
Willow didn't give Spike a chance to answer. She just kept on going. "I feel for you more then I have anyone. My parents actually like you. They knew Oz more and they couldn't stand him. Sheila has spoken to you all of three times since you got that damn chip and she thinks you're the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I can't stand it! Everyone seems to see something good about you but I'm all torn up inside.
"You told me that you love me yet it took you a whole month of which you never said a word to me to come near me. Goddess! I must be a complete idiot. Buffy was right to not trust you."
Spike stood there with his jaw hanging open.
Willow almost smiled smugly. < You just cut the last string. Now he's gunna hate you. After trying to make it work the first thing you go and do is attack him. >
*You don't understand!* Willow argued with herself. *He has been so....*
< Gentle? Ever stop to think that he may know? >
*He couldn't. Giles wouldn't tell. He promised me!*
< Spike's a smart vamp. Doesn't take much to figure it out. >
"Well, pet," Spike said hoarsely, his voice bringing her back to the problem at hand, "I guess this means that you don't want to see me any more."
Willow rubbed her belly absently. There wasn't much for her to say. She wanted him to leave but that didn't mean she never wanted him to come back. He was a part of her. "Spike..." she said softly.
"No."
Willow watched as he walked to her door. At some point Sheila had left and Willow was grateful. There was something about the way that Spike was standing with his shoulders slumped that pulled at her heart.
The vampire looked over his shoulder and Willow saw a blood red tear trail down his face. "Go to Peaches. Stop the bloody prophecy but stay the fuck away from me!"
Willow collapsed to her bed once he was gone and sobbed herself to sleep.
~***~
Angel didn't know what to say. He was glad that the bar was empty mostly because he couldn't remember the last time he had been speechless. There was nothing he could say.
"I woke up a few hours ago and got in the car. I didn't stop once," the redhead whispered.
Cordelia held the girl as she softly cried. She felt tears forming behind her own eyes. The story that Willow had just told them was something that she hadn't been able to tell her best friend. She felt as if she owed the girl.
None of them seemed to notice when someone walked onstage and music started to play. Lorne wasn't even paying attention. Angel was the first one to recognise the voice of the man singing.
"I'm the one who gets that look in your eye
And I'm the one who feels you tremble inside
I'm the one who steals those kisses from your
breath"
Angel nudged Willow and softly said, "I think you should listen to this."
Willow stopped crying but didn't look to the stage.
"Sometimes it's so good at night it scares
me to death
Thinkin' what would I do if I didn't have
you"
Willow sat up a little bit against Cordelia's side and paid a bit more attention to the words of the song. They sounded so familiar.
"I'm as strong as I can be
But ooh ooh ooh, Baby you leave me weak"
Spike didn't know if it would work. He wanted Willow to love him yet every time they had gotten close he had pushed her away. There wasn't much else he could think to do. After nearly getting himself staked by the slayer the watcher had decided that he had needed a talking to.
"Put my hands upon your skin
And it warms me to the touch"
He had been listening the last half hour while Willow had told them what had happened that night and he knew that there was something he had missed while standing in her room. He hadn't been able to look past her anger or hear something other then her shouting. Now he finally figured it out.
"All that I can think while we're makin' love
Is I'm the only one who knows how passionate
you get
About all of our deepest little secrets that
we've kept"
She was scared. Everyone that she had ever told she loved had left her. She had gone through the same thing as him. Spike understood that now. First Cecily, his own Sire and then Dru. That thing with the slayer didn't count he figured cause she had never found out.
But Willow had never known true love. The wolf had cheated on her then left for "her own good" and the witch... He didn't even want to go there.
"As the night grows longer,
Girl you just get stronger
And you pour yourself all over me
Ooh ooh ooh, Baby you leave me weak"
Willow could almost feel her heart clench. It seemed as if those words were meant for her and Spike. Whoever was singing it must have been listening to her talking the night away. There wasn't much else that she could think of.
"And it always blows me away,
By the power that you hold
When the moment kicks in,
And the magic unfolds"
For the first time since the song had started Willow looked towards the stage. Her breath caught in her throat as she realised who was singing. < What the hell is Spike doing here? >
"And you wrap your love around me
And it brings me to my knees"
Spike slowly walked off the stage and towards his red haired goddess. There was so much he needed to say to her and this song could help him say it.
"Will you give me the strength,
All the strength I need"
Willow felt tears sliding down her cheeks as Spike pulled her into his arms and whispered the last few lines into her ear.
"As the night gets longer,
Girl you just get stronger
And you pour yourself all over me
Ooh baby you leave me weak
Ooh baby you leave me weak"
Willow pulled slightly away from Spike and looked into his eyes. "Spike?"
"Shhh. The wa--Giles told me." At the look in her eyes he placed a finger on her lips. "The whole Scooby gang has decided that they wanted to follow me here. I lost em a while back but it won't be long till they find the place."
Willow nodded and whispered, "I love you."
Spike could hear the uncertainty in her voice and smiled. "I love you too, Willow."
***
Willow sat at her seat in the Bronze next to Buffy. She had been surprised how nicely the slayer had taken the news that she and Spike were a couple. After explaining that she and Spike had been dating the past three months on and off she had dropped the bomb that she was pregnant. Giles had pulled Willow out of the room and told the girl that he hadn't explained that part to Spike yet. After many tears and a thorough explanation to the group including Spike everyone had calmed down a bit. Spike had growled a bit until Willow stated that he was the father of the child. Willow pushed those unpleasant thoughts out of her head. To say the least Spike was now the protective father type and everyone was giving her ideas for names.
"Stop it."
Willow looked up to the blond that had spoken. "What?"
Buffy sighed. "Your thinking and that's not a good thing. Well it is but not when Spike is leaning over practically right in front of you. Any other time you'd be drooling except that you're thinking so you can't even see him."
She motioned to the curly haired blond vamp who was giving Willow a raised eyebrow.
Willow smiled at him as he and Xander came over with their drinks. "I'm sorry. I just got thinking about the other night."
"I said I was sorry pet. What more can I do?" Spike demanded playfully as he handed her the coke.
Willow grinned. "You can start by dancing with me."
"Aw, Red, you know I don't dance," Spike whined.
"Yeah, but you sure can sing."
Spike smiled and brightened a song started to play. "Fine. I'll dance with you."
The two held each other as the music played and Spike sung softly in her ear.
"Ooh ooh ooh, baby you leave me weak
And it always bows me away,
By the power that you hold
When the moment kicks in,
And the magic unfolds"
Willow smiled and paced her cheek against Spike's chest. She was finally where she belonged.
"And you wrap your love around me And it brings me to my knees Will you give me the strength, All the strength I need As the night gets longer, Girl you just get stronger And you pour yourself all over me Ooh baby you leave me weak Ooh baby you leave me weak"
THE END