Willow watched as Buffy and Riley walked away from her. The young man's hand moved around to rest lightly on the small of the slayer's back as he guided her through the tangle of people milling about in the warm night air. Willow smiled through a quick stab of pain as she turned and walked in the opposite direction.
Wandering aimlessly across the busy campus, she stopped beside a bench and sat down, grateful for the quiet solitude. She looked up at the stars twinkling like silver glitter on the velvety black sky. Her thoughts drifted to Oz again, as they too often did, and she wondered where he was tonight. Was he alright? Was he thinking of her? Missing her, as he looked up at the same starry blanket?
She drew up her legs, resting her heels against the edge of the seat, and lowered her chin to her knees. A single tear escaped from her eye and trickled, unnoticed, down her cheek. Almost unnoticed.
"Is he worth that, pet?"
The soft voice startled her, and her head snapped around as the blonde vampire approached from a small crop of trees to stand before her.
"Worth what?" she asked.
He reached down and captured the salty tear with his finger, "This."
She lowered her gaze to stare blindly at the grass beside his feet, her soft words directed more toward herself than to him, "Have you ever missed someone so much it's all you can think about? You dread going to sleep because your dreams will bring them back to you? You dread waking up because they'll vanish again? And the hurt is so bad, it actually becomes everything that you are? You eat and breath the hurt until it consumes your entire existence? And then you start to hate who you've become because you've lost yourself to it, and you wallow in it until you can't even stand yourself?"
Spike sat down next to her, so close their arms brushed against one another, "I suppose I've been there, once or twice."
"Drusilla," she nodded. "How did you stand it?"
"I walked away from it."
"Just like he did," she nodded sadly.
"No. Dru walked away first. I just walked away from the pain. It's inside you, pet, but it isn't what you are. It's alright to move past it."
"I watched Buffy and Riley tonight. They look so right together, and Buffy is so happy. But all I could feel was jealousy and anger. That it's her and not me," she sighed. "Basically, I'm just a rotten person."
The vampire laughed softly and put his hand over hers, "I wrote the book on rotten. You're nowhere in there."
"Okay, maybe not rotten, just selfish and mean."
"I'm not buying that, either. I had a go at lethal necking with you, and after I failed miserably, you spent fifteen minutes trying to cheer me up."
"Yeah, but you were just so--depressed. I had to do something," she ventured a quick look at him.
"Because you're so selfish," he teased.
"Yeah," her small grin was quickly replaced by a frown. "Spike, what am I going to do? I hate feeling this way."
"Get over it. Get over him," he answered.
"I can't."
"How do you know? You haven't tried. You wear your misery like a suit of armor. It's safe, and it protects you from being hurt again. The danger in that is, if you don't take it off, it'll soon begin to feel like a comfortable old robe."
He watched her for a minute while she chewed over what he'd said. Then he clutched her hand and stood, pulling her up with him.
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"I don't know. Anywhere away from here. The Bronze," he decided.
"I can't. I'm not ready to go back there, yet."
"Okay," he conceded. "Smaller steps, then. You like staring at the stars? We'll go look at the stars. I know a place where there's a great view."
"I don't know," she hesitated.
"Come on. I promise, no fanged necking, unless you prefer it that way."
She shook her head emphatically, "No, I definitely prefer fangless necking."
He waggled his eyebrows at her, "I'll keep that in mind."
"Oh, Goddess," Willow groaned, and he chuckled at the blush on her cheeks.
"I'll bet I can name more constellations that you can," he baited her as he pulled her along the sidewalk.
"I'll bet you can't," she replied quickly.
"You're on. If I win, you have to go to the Bronze with me next time," he said.
"Hmmm," she considered. "Okay. What do I get if I win?"
"Fangless necking, of course."
"Of course," Willow's laughter drifted back to the couple who stepped out of the shadows to stand under the soft glow of a street lamp.
Riley looked down at Buffy and smiled, "Who's going to win?"
"Willow, definitely Willow," she answered and took his hand. "Race you to the dorm?"
He nodded as the couple ahead of them disappeared from view, "Our work here is done."
End