"Are you sure he's safe?" Angel asked as he stared
across the room at Spike.
The blonde vampire was pointedly ignoring his sire by
absorbing himself in an animated conversation with
Willow. At least, her half of the conversation was
animated. Spike was basically just staring into her
wide green eyes, a small grin curling his lips.
"That's what they tell me," Buffy answered lightly.
"We keep checking her neck for teeth marks, though. If
we come up with an overbite, we'll know it's him."
Angel's eyes shifted to her, "This is a joke to you?
He could hurt her!"
"No, he couldn't. Not now," she smiled. "Anyway, he
likes her. A lot. I haven't decided yet whether to
feel relieved for her or sorry for her."
Spike had made a quiet comment to the little redhead,
and she nodded and stood up. His arm moved around her,
and his fingers rested lightly against the small of
her back as she walked with him into Giles' kitchen.
Buffy shifted slightly and turned her full attention
to the dark vampire beside her, "I'm glad you came. If
Cordy hadn't had that vision, we would have had a much
harder time fighting off that demon."
"I'll always be here, if you need me," he smiled
softly.
Her hand moved to his face, her fingers lightly
brushing over his cold cheek, "I'll always need you."
His larger hand caught hers and drew her palm to his
lips. He placed a soft kiss against it before curling
her hand inside his. Buffy blinked against the tears
in her eyes and lowered her gaze to their clasped
hands.
"You could stay," she whispered.
He shook his head slowly, "I can't, Buffy. You know
that."
"No, I don't. Not really. I try to tell myself that I
do. I try to make everyone else believe that I
understand, that I'm doing all right with it. But I'm
not. Every minute of every day revolves around missing
you."
He moaned softly, "I should have left the moment we
destroyed that demon. I shouldn't have waited..."
"I wanted you to stay, if only for a day," she told
him.
"I know," he said. "But being together--even only for
a short time--just makes the separation that much more
painful."
"Then why do we have to put ourselves through it?" she
asked, raising her eyes to his. "Angel, I've tried to
move on with my life. I've tried to find other people
to fill the hole that you left in my heart. But it
doesn't work. That little place is just for you."
"Buffy, nothing has changed since I left. All the
reasons for my leaving are still there. I love you as
I have never loved anyone, even in my mortal
existence. But I can't be the things you need. I can't
give you the life you deserve--"
"Why not?" she asked, her voice edged with
frustration. "Look at them!"
She waved her hand in the direction of the kitchen.
The dark vampire's gaze followed her gesture to the
small woman who was leaning against the kitchen
counter. Spike's arm was draped over her shoulders,
his mouth close to her ear, his lips brushing lightly
against her skin as he spoke quietly to her.
"Great gods, he's in love with her," Angel murmured,
his voice flooded with dawning realization. "Does she
know?"
"I don't think so," Buffy answered. "Not yet. But I
know she likes being with him. They're making it work,
Angel. If they can, why can't we? They have the same
issues. They're the same as we are."
"They're not the same," he insisted. "I'm souled,
Buffy. After what's happened to him, Spike has been
forced to rely on whatever small imitation of his
former humanity he still possesses, but he doesn't
know the first thing about remorse or guilt. If he
could, he'd hurt her in a heartbeat if she crossed
him."
"Then why is he so hell-bent on keeping her safe?" the
slayer asked him. "You saw him last night when we took
on that demon. He'd have gotten himself killed just to
make sure she was safe. Does he look to you like he
has any intention of hurting her?"
Angel forced a soft sigh from his lungs. He was having
a hard enough time keeping his eyes off the couple in
the other room without Buffy continually drawing his
attention to them. Willow had turned to face the
blonde vampire. His hands rested gently on her
shoulders, and he dropped a soft kiss on her lips as
she looked up at him.
"It's the implant," Angel asserted.
"Guess again," Buffy contended. "He told me a couple
of weeks ago--during one of our rare moments when we
weren't arguing with each other--that he's had
feelings for Willow for a long time. Long before he
ever returned to Sunnydale. He cares about her, the
way you and I care about each other. We could make it
work, Angel, just like they are. I want us to have
what they have!"
"Do you?" he asked her. "You want a life that's
limited to the darkness? No sunlight, no family, no
children around you? Buffy, I can't even be with you
the way Spike could be with Willow. How many years do
you think you could exist with words and promises
before you'd need something more physical?"
"It wouldn't matter," she insisted.
"It would. That's what love does. No matter how deeply
it's rooted in the heart and soul, it eventually
demands physical completion. If I stayed here, with
you, we could deny those needs--maybe for years--but
not forever. Love either receives its demands, or it
dies. I can't supply the former, and I couldn't bear
the latter."
"No," she whispered, lowering her head as tears
spilled from her eyes.
"Look at me," he asked, taking her chin and raising
her eyes to his when she refused to comply.
"You're all I need," she said firmly.
"And I'm what you can't have," he added. "Not without
destroying both of us and probably everyone we care
about, as well."
"It isn't fair," she spat. "We can't be together
because you have a soul, but a soulless, cruel bastard
like Spike can have someone as wonderful as Willow."
"It isn't fair," he agreed sadly. "But it's the way it
is. We can't change it. I can't stay."
The front door opened, and Giles cast a sober glance
at the slayer as Angel stepped quickly away from her.
"I was afraid you'd have gone," the former watcher
said to the vampire. "I wanted to thank you for
helping us."
"You already did," Angel smiled. "I was just about to
head back to L.A."
Giles nodded and reached out his hand, "Safe trip.
Give my regards to Cordelia."
"I will," he nodded, shaking the man's hand as Spike
and Willow emerged from the kitchen.
Buffy followed Angel to the door, and he stopped and
looked down at the little redhead, taking her into a
warm hug.
"I'll miss you," she whispered.
"Not too much," he grinned, casting a glance at the
blonde vampire beside her. "Look after Buffy."
"I will," she promised.
"And you look after Willow," he cautioned, bestowing a
crooked smile on Spike. "Or I'll come back here and
pound you to a bloodless pulp."
"The slayer did tell you I can still beat the hell out
of demons, didn't she?" Spike replied with the hint of
a grin.
The dark vampire chuckled as Spike's arm wound around
Willow's waist and clutched it firmly, and Angel
placed his hand on Spike's shoulder and gave it a
brief squeeze. Giles moved aside as Angel opened the
front door and stepped outside, with Buffy following
behind him. She pulled the door shut as he turned to
look at her.
"I wish we could have what we need," the warm night
breeze carried her whispered words to his ears.
His left hand reached for hers, their fingers
intertwining, as his right hand moved to caress her
wet cheek.
"We can," he answered, his voice achingly low. "We
just can't have what we want."
His lowered his mouth to hers in a soft, sweet kiss,
and a quiet sob flowed out with her words as her lips
brushed against his, "I love you."
"I love you," he echoed, allowing his lips to linger
close to hers for an agonizing moment before he
released her hand and stepped away.
From the front window, Willow watched the
heart-breaking exchange, her head resting against
Spike's chest as his arms enfolded her from behind.
Buffy stood on the doorstep, silent tears flowing
freely from her eyes as Angel walked away toward the
street where his car was parked. He paused and looked
back at her, and they stood motionless, staring at one
another, before he turned to be swallowed up in the
darkness.
End.