Willow polished off the last of her French fries and wiped her fingers
on a thin paper napkin.

"I can't believe how quiet this place is tonight," she said, looking at
the empty tables around them.

"All the regular patrons have probably died from clogged arteries,"
Spike replied, eyeing the pool of congealing grease in the cardboard
French fry container.

"I'm thinking maybe you shouldn't be criticizing other people's eating
habits," she grinned.

"Watch that tongue, pet, or I'll find something better for it to do."

"Some threat," she giggled. "Well, if we're going to get to Giles' in
time to help research--"

"We're already an hour late," he informed her.

"What!" she cried, piling the remnants of her meal onto a plastic tray
and rising to discard them. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just did," he shrugged.

"Oh, damn. This means we're going to have to suffer through another
round of questions."

"For a bunch of people who are supposedly repulsed by our sex life,
they certainly seem to spend a hell of a lot of time dwelling on it,"
he grumbled as he followed her to the trash receptacle. "Maybe we
should just set up a video camera in the bedroom and make a tape for
them."

"Now, that would be pretty unnerving, considering you wouldn't show up
on the tape--would you?" she asked curiously.

"I really couldn't say. I've never tried shagging in front of one
before. I'll give it a go if you will," he teased.

She laughed and shook her head as his hand wrapped around hers, "I
think I'll pass. It would probably scar me for life, and I'd never be
able to expose my naked body to a man again."

"Bloody hell. Forget that, then," he stated emphatically.
***
"Spike, did you hear something?" Willow asked as Giles' house came into
view.

"Yes," he answered softly. "Keep walking."

They stepped off of the sidewalk and were half-way across the street
when a small creature popped out of thin air right in front of them.
Apart from his velvet green trousers and jacket and the goatee at the
end of his chin, he looked like a man, only much, much smaller. The top
of his head reached only to Willow's knee.

"Good evening," he bowed slightly and smiled, revealing a row of
gleaming, perfect white teeth.

Willow looked up at Spike, and he gripped her hand and turned to his
left to step around the little man. Three more creatures, identical to
the first, appeared before them.

"We've been to the end of the rainbow," one of them announced.

"That's great, Dorothy," Spike answered. "Why don't you just head right
back there?"

Willow looked around to find nine more men surrounding them. One of
them winked playfully at her.

"Would you like to see what we found?" he asked her.

"Um...no?" she replied.

Ignoring her answer, the man waved a small hand, and a heavy, black
iron pot appeared at his feet. Willow peered down into its glimmering
contents.

"Leprechauns?" she whispered.

The first of the group was eyeing her long red tresses with obvious
interest. She nervously brushed her hair away from her face and moved
closer to Spike.

"The lass is a beauty," the first leprechaun said to the others and
reached up for her hand.

Spike grabbed Willow's hand away from the tiny man and wrapped an arm
around her waist.

"Is he your consort, my princess?" another leprechaun asked.

"Your--who?" she asked. "I'm not your princess! I'm not even Irish!"

"You could be," another told her. "With just a few alterations."

"Alterations?" she squeaked.

Willow trembled, and Spike wrapped his other arm around her and
clutched her to him.

"Shall we?" the first leprechaun asked the others.

Willow whimpered as the others chorused, "We shall."

"The gold is yours, dear princess," the first announced.

"No!" she refused as he tipped over the black pot, scattering gold
pieces over her feet.

She looked down and gasped as her ankles took on a pale, emerald hue.
The color spread up toward her knees, and within a few seconds, her
entire body was green. She stared at her hands in horror and screamed.
Turning in Spike's arms, she buried her face in his chest as the porch
light on Giles house down the street suddenly came on.

Buffy, Xander, and Giles came flying out the front door and tore down
the street toward them. The slayer stopped in her tracks, and Xander
barreled into her from behind as she stared at the little men who were
dancing around Willow and Spike.

"Willow!" Buffy shouted, her eyes wide with shock at her friend's green
appearance.

"Please don't make me be green!" Willow sobbed against her lover as he
held her tight.

The leprechauns immediately ceased their happy jig.

"She's crying!" one of them said in dismay. "Why are you unhappy,
princess?"

"I don't want to be green!" her plea was muffled by Spike's chest.

"You only had to say so," the first leprechaun said softly. "Anything
my princess, or her consort, wishes shall be done."

"Really?" she sniffled hopefully, turning her head to look down at him.

"Of course!" he answered and dropped onto one knee in obeisance.
"Although green is very becoming on you, if it is not to your liking,
you only need ask--"

"And you'll grant our request?" Spike asked.

The little man nodded silently, and a grin spread across the vampire's
face. Buffy looked nervously at Giles as Spike's eyes lit on her.

"Then return Willow to her normal gorgeous self," Spike paused as the
pot and the spilled gold vanished, and Willow's pale skin tone
returned, and he kissed her softly before continuing. "I've always
thought that green is the color of envy."

"So it is, sir," the leprechaun answered. "Although, personally, I've
never understood why. Green is such a lovely color--the color of lush
grass, priceless emeralds, and--"

"Yeah, yeah," Spike interrupted, clearly uninterested. "So, I think
what you ought to do is to make any of Willow's--friends--who are
jealous of us, green."

"Yes, sir," the leprechaun responded with a respectful bow.

Buffy squealed as she looked over at Xander and discovered he'd gone
green clear to the roots of his hair.

"You're _jealous_ of them!" the slayer chided him. "You are SO SICK!"

"Yeah? Well, maybe you should take a look in a mirror!" he snapped
back.

Buffy looked down at her own green arms and groaned angrily, "I'm not
jealous of them!"

Willow giggled as she looked across at them.

"Liar," Xander grumbled and looked at Giles. "So, how come you're not
green?"

"Because I'm _not_ jealous," he answered, unsuccessfully trying to
suppress a grin.

"Will they always be green?" Willow asked.

"For as long as my princess desires," the leprechaun nodded.

"Good. Leave them that way," Spike chuckled.

"No! Spike, we can't do that to them!" she scolded him.

"I can," he grinned coldly.

Willow laughed and reached up to kiss him, "Well, I can't. We have to
change them back."

"Okay. In a week," he compromised.

"As you desire," the leprechaun responded. "And now, we must take our
leave."

The group of small men vanished as suddenly as they had appeared. A
very green Buffy stormed out into the street and glared murderously up
at the blonde vampire.

"I'll get you back for this, you damned walking corpse!" she hissed.

"You know, if you spend the next week camping out in the park, no one
would even notice you," he suggested.

"This is NOT funny!" she yelled. "Willow, do something about this!
Now!"

Willow bit her lip, her eyes dancing with laughter, "They're gone,
Buffy. I wouldn't know how to get them back here. Anyway, it's only a
week."

"Only!" she shrieked. "I don't want to spend the next week being
green!"

"Well, I can't help it if you're jealous!" Willow argued. "I thought
you hated the fact that Spike and I are together. You never let on that
you're really just jealous that I'm shagging a vampire, and you're
not!"

"I'm NOT jealous!" Buffy insisted with a stomp of her foot.

"Oh, really?" the redhead grinned, her eyes traveling over the slayer's
green form.

"Oooh!" the greenish-blonde woman growled between clenched teeth and
pounded back across the street to where Giles and Xander were standing.

"I'm going home, and I'm locking the door, and I'm not coming out until
next Saturday!" she declared.

"I'm going with you," Xander muttered.

"I guess this means we're not researching tonight?" Willow asked from
the street.

"Apparently not," Giles answered.

"Good," Spike said, lifting Willow up to drape her over his shoulder
and patted her softly on the ass. "Let's gome home, baby, and make sure
all of that green is gone. After all, we can't be certain until those
clothes are off."

"Good point," she agreed happily, pressing a hand against his rear end.
"Best to be thorough."

"Oh, I intend to be," he promised and carted her off down the street,
ignoring the angry stares that followed them from the sidewalk.

End.

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