Higher Learning

I am an ass.
 

That's what Spike felt should be tattooed across his forehead. Why did he have to do something so utterly dumb? He was supposed to love Willow like a friend or a kid sister, not love her like a... lover.
 

Somehow he was going to blame Buffy and his Sire for this.
 

Spike looked across the kitchen table at the redhead and cursed silently, but fluently. **Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid...**
 

"Okay, Sexy Knickers, are you ready to start?" Willow asked, raising her eyes from the test she was looking over a final time.
 

"Yes," Spike croaked. **Oh, nice one.** He cleared his throat and tried again. "Yes."
 

Willow smiled encouragingly at him. It was like pouring salt on an open wound.
 

**I am an ass,** Spike thought derisively. **A bloody moronic ass.**
 

Willow stood and walked around the table. "The first test is in oral reading," she said as she set stapled papers in front of him. "You have ten minutes to read it silently, then you'll read it out loud to me."
 

"Right," Spike said, wondering if it wasn't too late to run screaming into the sunlight. Why did he agree to do this again?
 

**Because you love her,** a little voice -- which sounded remarkably like Aaron's -- chimed in his head.
 

Willow's brows furrowed when Spike growled at the papers in front of him. **Did he not want to do this?** she wondered. "Spike?"
 

"Hmm?" Spike glanced up from the first test, a scowl on his face.
 

"Uh, did you... do you want to do this?" she asked. "You don't have to. It's not like it really counts or something. It's just a silly test I made up because, you know, I thought that... well, you don't have to take it."
 

"Willow," Spike said. "I said I'd take it, and I will."
 

"Oh, okay," Willow said. "I just... I didn't want to force you to do something you don't want to do. Not that I could actually force you to do anything, cause vampire... but if you don't want to, don't. I won't mind. You do this for yourself, not for me. I'll like you no matter what."
 

Willow twisted her hands at the oddly-pained look he was giving her. **This day is not going well,** she thought. **First there's the whole kissing thing to get over -- goddess, I'm still so embarrassed about that -- then I thought he wanted me to go, then he wants me to stay, now he's acting all woogie again. Maybe I should just go.**
 

"You know, maybe I should just go," Willow said, voicing her thoughts. "We can do this another weekend, if you want. I just... this is awkward. I don't know if you want me to be here. So I'm going to go. I have laundry anyway."
 

"Kitten, I want you to be here," Spike said slowly, as if each word was being dragged out of him. "I want you..."
 

Willow's eyes grew round as he stopped speaking, his own blue eyes reflecting something that looked like... **Hunger?!**
 

Spike yanked his gaze away from Willow and he finished in a thick voice, "...to stay."
 

"Are you sure?" she asked once more.
 

"Yes."
 

He refused to look at her, which did nothing to reassure Willow. Tentatively, she touched his cheek. "Spike?"
 

Spike let out a strangled groan and moved suddenly, pulling her down onto his lap as he stopped fighting against himself. Hell, he was a demon. He could do whatever he bloody well wanted. And he wanted to kiss her, whether she liked it or not.
 

So he did.

Spike couldn't believe he was kissing her.
 

Willow couldn't believe he was kissing her.
 

Spike never wanted to stop.
 

Willow didn't want him to stop.
 

Spike was getting painfully hard beneath his jeans.
 

Willow felt like her insides were melting.
 

Spike wanted her.
 

Willow couldn't get close enough to him.
 

Spike moaned when she wiggled on his lap.
 

Willow felt something hard under her when she wiggled on his lap and wondered if he had rocks in his pocket.
 

Spike was going to die... again.
 

Willow was finding that breathing was soon to become necessary.
 

Spike realized that breathing for her was soon to become necessary.
 

But neither of them stopped kissing.

Willow sucked in a huge gulp of air when Spike finally broke the kiss. She stared at him owlishly as she tried to wrap her mind around what just happened.
 

**Well, duh, he kissed you!** her inner voice said. **No! He devoured you!**
 

"Wha-what was that for?" she stammered when she could speak again.
 

**Cause he wants to screw you to the floor,** her inner voice told her. **Don't you feel what you're sitting on? It's big and hard and-**
 

Willow slapped a mental hand over her inner voice's mouth. "Spike?"
 

"Because I wanted to," Spike growled at her. "I'm a demon and we do that sort of thing."
 

Willow gave him a strange look. "You kissed me because you're a demon?"
 

"Yes." He nodded his head emphatically.
 

"So, if you weren't a demon, you wouldn't kiss me?" Willow asked, not sure if she was understanding what he was getting at.
 

**That could be because your brains have turned to mush because of that kiss,** her inner voice informed her dryly.
 

"Yes... no... yes... aargh." Spike grunted, his brows furrowing. He was having his own trouble with brain mushiness. Finally, he gave up trying to speak and kissed her again.

Spike angled his mouth over Willow's, his tongue sweeping into the hot cavern. His fingers clenched reflexively, curling around the material of her shirt. Willow's own hands were twisting the front of his tee, almost choking him, as she kissed him back.
 

The entire world disappeared around him. All he knew was that his kitten was on his lap and he was kissing her again and she was returning his kiss with equal fervor. Her tongue continually twined with his in a sensual dance that sent shivers down his spine.
 

Spike was the one panting when they finally broke apart. He sucked in purposeful gulps of air, trying to regain his bearings. Everything was fuzzy around the edges, with the only thing in perfect focus being Willow.
 

"Wow," Willow breathed, a slightly dazed expression on her face. "I think I like your being a demon."
 

"What?" Spike frowned. "You think you..." He shook his head a little, trying to rattle his brains back into functioning. It didn't seem to work. "What?"
 

"You, demon, kissing me because you're a demon," Willow said. "And that's what demon's do."
 

"That's what demons... what?" Spike looked at Willow, befuddlement clearly written across his features, and he abruptly blurted, "I can't get my brain to work."
 

Willow made strange snorting noises, her lower lip trembling rapidly, and Spike grew fearful that something was wrong. "Kitten, are you okay?" he asked with worry.
 

In response, the redhead threw her head back and let out a peal of laughter. Spike had to tighten his hold on her quickly as she almost fell off his lap. **Why is she laughing? Is she laughing at me? Bloody hell, I bet she is. She's laughing because my kissing her was... laughable. Damn.**
 

"Oh goddess, you should have seen your face," Willow said when she somewhat calmed. "Not like you could have because of that whole lack of reflection thing, but if you could, you would have laughed, too."
 

"You're laughing at me," Spike said, feeling a ball of unhappiness forming in the center of his chest. He'd much rather have had her running away again in disgust than laughing.
 

"Yes," Willow said with a giggle. "I can't help it. You looked so stunned, like Wyle E. Coyote does just before he plummets to the ground after his Roadrunner trap backfires."
 

"Well, I'm glad my kissing you puts you in stitches," Spike said, hiding his emotions with anger. He stood quickly and set her on her feet, then crossed to the other side of the kitchen to put distance between them. "I'd hate to see how you'd react if I made love to you."
 

The silence from behind him was so sudden it was as if a switch had been flipped. Spike turned around and saw Willow staring at him, wide-eyed. He frowned at her again. "What's wrong now?"
 

"Do you want to?" Willow asked in a small voice in return. She didn't know whether he meant it or was just making flip statements because he was upset about something. She also didn't know if she wanted him to mean it or not, especially if it meant finding out by demonstration while he was angry. **Angry vampire and sex equals pain and that's bad. Even Buffy says it's bad and she has super-Slayer tolerance. Wait a minute, Buffy shouldn't know about having angry sex! Mental note: find out why Buffy knows about angry vampire sex.**
 

"Do I want to what?" Spike replied, irritation evident in his voice.
 

"What you said." Willow dropped her eyes and hugged her arms around her waist at his exasperated look in response. She really wanted to get off this roller coaster of emotions known as Spike's Behavior. "Spike, I'm confused and I don't like it. You're grouchy, then you kiss me, then you're demon-growly, then you kiss me again and now you're back to being grouchy."
 

"What, I'm not allowed to have emotions?" Spike snapped. "I have to be Mr. Shiny-Happy-Vampire all the bloody time?" He mock-groveled to her. "Well, excuuuuuuse me, Willow. I don't work like that. I have the same effin' feelings that every other bloke has. I get confused and hurt and upset, too, and I don't have anyone I trust enough to tell me what to do about it."
 

"You have me," Willow said.
 

"You're the soddin' problem!" Spike exclaimed. "You're the reason I'm stuck on the shitty end of the emotional scale and I hate it!"
 

Willow felt as though someone reached into her heart and ripped it out. Tears filled her eyes instantly and she squeezed her arms around herself even tighter.
 

Spike began to pace, his footsteps hard on the kitchen floor. "I missed you so frickin' much and I wanted this weekend to be perfect, but no, I had to be an ass and cock it up by realizing I'm in love with my best friend who gets either disgusted or laughs when I kiss her!"
 

"What?" Willow said in a stunned whisper.
 

Spike didn't hear her as he continued to rant, although it was more to himself than to her. "Why couldn't you just stay food? I haven't been this fucked up since Dru decided I wasn't demon enough for her. Ha! Now it's not because I'm not demon enough, it's because I'm not man enough! I can't win!"
 

"I think I need to sit," Willow mumbled, the world tilting crazily around her. Her heart now felt as though it was in a vice and she was having quite a bit of trouble breathing -- all because of what Spike possibly had said.
 

The chair scraped loudly on the kitchen floor when Willow grabbed the back of it when her knees decided to no longer work.
 

Spike's gaze whipped to her when he heard the noise and he frowned because of how unsteady she looked. "You okay?" he asked.
 

Willow raised her eyes to meet his and blinked rapidly against the colorful specks of light dancing in her vision. "Um, Spike, could you, ah, repeat what you said a moment ago? Th-the best friend part?" she requested as she continued to breathe quickly through her mouth.
 

"Best friend part?" Spike pursed his lips as he tried to recall what he'd said. **Rant, rant, Dru made me loony, rave, whine, missed Willow, rant, complain, I'm an ass in love with my... best... friend...**
 

Spike swallowed heavily and dropped his chin, staring purposely down at the floor in hopes that it would open up under him. He hadn't wanted her to know that little fact. "I hate you, Angelus," he grumbled. "Somehow it's all your bloody fault."
 

"Spike?"
 

Spike looked up at Willow's tentative call of his name and his metaphorical breath was taken away. Her red hair was disheveled and her lips slightly swollen from his kisses. Her green eyes were luminous and had a myriad of emotions flashing in them.
 

His body hardened swiftly and he was filled with longing for her. "You're so beautiful," he said quietly. He swallowed again and forced himself to look away, saying roughly, "This was a mistake. You should go."
 

"Why?"
 

"Because I'm in love with you, damn it!" Spike exclaimed, his eyes shooting back to meet hers. "And I'm not going to put myself through that hell again of loving someone who doesn't love me back."
 

His voice became harsher as memories and old heartbreaks overlapped with his current state of emotionality. "I've done it twice before and both times it nearly destroyed me. I won't survive a third time. I need you to go away while the feelings are still new, and maybe I'll be able to delude myself that this isn't love, it's jealousy of your school chums or because I missed you or because I'm going batty from not killing anyone."
 

A desperate note crept into his speech. "Please, just go, kitten. Just go."
 

Willow looked at him for a long, silent moment and the tilting world suddenly seemed to click into place. Everything became sharp and clear, and she could feel nature's power filling her as she pulled herself to her full height and held her head high.
 

She moved then, walking right up into his personal space, making him literally back against the wall. His eyes were bright with confusion and longing and love, and she met them without hesitation or hidden emotion. The single word she spoke next was filled with firmness and certainty, indicating she knew exactly what she was doing.
 

"No."
 

Willow then snagged the front of his shirt, went up onto her toes and kissed him.
 

Spike whimpered in the back of his throat an instant before he wrapped his arms around her body and pulled her flush against him. He almost melted into an unmanly puddle when her questing tongue slipped between his lips and caressed his palate. She led the kiss, ensnaring the back of his hair to hold his head firmly as she deepened it, and there was nothing he could do but try and keep up with the havoc she was creating with his senses.
 

Eventually, Willow broke away and opened her eyes. She met his heavy-lidded, desire-filled gaze and smiled. Releasing his shirt, she brought her hand up to cup his cheek and her smile grew when he nuzzled her palm.
 

"I guess this means I should cancel my date," Willow murmured. Spike's lips curled back in a small snarl and she laughed lightly. "I take it that's a yes."
 

Spike swept her up into his arms before she could even blink. "That's a hell yes."
 

Then he carried her back to his bedroom and proceeded to show her that he would be the only person she'd be dating for a very, very long time.

Spike softly read the text in front of him, his low voice the only sound in the room except for the turning of pages, the quiet clicks of a keyboard and the scratching of a pen on paper. He frowned heavily when came upon a word he didn't recognize and he struggled to sound it out for several seconds before he tilted the book towards the person on his left. "What's this say?"
 

"'Heinous acts,'" Faith read. "It means the dude is just like you used to be."
 

"Used to, pet?" Spike glared at her.
 

"Don't tease the big bad vampire, Faith," Buffy said with a grin as she looked up from the book open in her lap. "He'll get all pouty, and there's nothing scarier than a pouting demon."
 

"Except a brooding one," Xander piped up from the other side of Giles's living room. Buffy shot a murderous look across the room at him.
 

"Speaking of Angel," Giles said, causing Buffy to turn her glare on him. "When are he and Cordelia arriving?"
 

"Their email said they left at seven," Willow replied, not raising her eyes from the computer screen. "If Cordy is driving, they should be here in about five more minutes. If Angel's driving, half-an-hour."
 

"I don't see why we had to invite the great poof," Spike grumbled.
 

"Uh, huge demon, lots of horns, plans on destroying the world, the reason that you're here and not out molesting innocent trees," Buffy said.
 

"Hey, the only tree I molest on a regular basis is sittin' in front of that laptop over there," Spike said, gesturing towards Willow.
 

Faith chortled loudly, Xander made disgusted noises, Buffy rolled her eyes, Giles sighed and Willow blushed bright red -- all typical reactions whenever Spike decided to join in helping to save the world.
 

"Spike," Willow said in an embarrassed tone.
 

Spike stood and walked over to where the redhead was seated. "What, it's the truth."
 

"Yeah, but you don't see Angel saying things like that about Buffy," Willow pointed out.
 

"What my Sire says about the Slayer isn't meant for young ears, luv," Spike whispered, leaning close to nip at her young ear. "All that sexual repression makes his tales on what he wants to do to her rather... colorful."
 

"Is that all you two talk about when you stay with him?" Willow asked. "I still can't picture the two of you sitting around in your boxers and chatting...," her eyes widened and her blush grew, "...okay, I can, never mind."
 

Spike clucked his tongue. "Huh-uh, kitten. No thinking about the wanker half-naked or even all-naked."
 

"Cordelia, the white line around the edges of the stop sign does not mean stopping is optional," Angel said with frustration heavy in his voice as he and Cordelia walked into Giles's home without knocking.
 

Willow took one look at the dark-haired vampire, squeaked and ducked her head. **Bad Willow. That's Buffy's Angel you're picturing in all his yummy naked goodness... eep!**
 

Spike caught Willow's chin and tilted her face up to his. His lips pulled up in a partial smirk when he saw what she was thinking reflected clearly in her expression. "Shame on you, kitten, thinking about Angel like that. I'd best do something to push him out of your mind."
 

He then proceeded to kiss her with a passion that drove everything out of her head, including the fact that she needed to breathe on occasion.
 

"Don't those two ever do anything else?" Cordelia's voice cut into the couple's kiss, causing them to break apart. "They're worse than Angel and Buffy."
 

"Hey, we do more than kiss!" Buffy said.
 

"Oh, we all know that, B," Faith said, her words heavy with innuendo.
 

"We know more than we want to know about you and blood-breath," Xander added.
 

"Excuse me," Giles said. " But I think we have a more pressing matter to attend to th-than, er-"
 

"B and the old man testing if the Viagra works?" Faith suggested impishly.
 

Willow smiled at Spike without embarrassment when their eyes met and, as the insults and conversation continued around them, it was at that very moment she realized she was, without a doubt, in love with him.
 

That Saturday morning six months ago had been a turning point in their relationship, but it hadn't been as big as her friends or Spike's comments made it seem. She was still a virgin -- a heavily petted virgin, but a virgin none-the-less. She hadn't been ready to take that step because, although she knew she loved him, she didn't know if she was in love with him, and she had yet say those three precious words that he's said to her time and time again.
 

Until now.
 

Willow lifted her hand and brushed her fingers over his lips, earning a light kiss on the tips. Her smile grew more tender and she quietly said those words she knew Spike had been patiently longing to hear. "I love you."
 

Spike felt as though he'd been hit in the solar plexis by a two-by-four. "Wh-what?" he stammered, unsure of whether his mind was playing tricks on him or not. He'd imagined a million and ten times hearing those words from her, but never at Giles's before.
 

"I said 'I love you,'" Willow said. She ran her fingers up the side of his cheek. "I love you, Spike, my best friend, my boyfriend, my hopefully soon-to-be lover. I love you."
 

"Oh," Spike said in a somewhat dazed voice. "Okay."
 

"Tell her you love her back, stupid," came a stage whisper from somewhere to his right.
 

"I love you back, stupid," Spike repeated, then jerked his head and glared at the six people watching him and Willow with unabashed interest. "Bugger off, all of you. This here's a private moment."
 

Willow giggled as her friends feigned nonchalance, striking up inane conversations about the weather and the Giants. Then, Spike caught her gaze again and her heart skipped several beats.
 

"I love you, Willow," Spike told her. His hand trembled as he raised it to twist a red lock around his finger and he gave her an off-kilter grin. "Third time's the charm, eh?"
 

"You got that right, buster," Willow said.
 

Spike cleared his throat as he turned his head, intending to get the others' attention, but he quickly found them all staring at him and Willow again. He scowled. "Don't you lot have a demon to kill or something?"
 

"This is more interesting," Buffy said with a grin..
 

"So, is the Willow and Spike show on Skinamax?" Faith smacked her lips. "Do we get to see the juicy stuff now?"
 

"Do you have something to add?" Spike growled at Angel.
 

Angel shook his head, his smirk identical to Cordelia's, as they both silently looked on with amusement.
 

"Guys," Willow said, her cheeks flushed a rosy hue. "Cut it out."
 

"This demon doesn't come to power until midnight, right?" Spike asked, looking at Giles.
 

"If-if my calculations are correct," Giles replied.
 

Spike nodded once, grabbed Willow's hand and dragged her out the door with a surprised exclamation from the redhead.
 

They only resurfaced to save the world then went right back to loving each other again.
 

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