The words repeated again and again in her mind. They never seemed to come to an end; she clutched her head as if in pain. "Please stop, stop!" she whispered pleadingly to herself. Another wave of loneliness watched over her as she whimpered in pain.
*Why is this happening to me? Why can't I be normal… your no good* she heard herself say, part of her relished in the pain and part of her just wanted it to stop so she could be happy again.
"STOP IT!" she screamed as she fell to the floor rocking back and forth, she silently hummed to herself, trying to stop the wave of depression and to try to let it pass.
"Just go to sleep." She told herself as she wiped the back of her sleeve to get ride of the tears that were coursing down her swollen red puffy cheeks. She tiredly got to her feet and headed towards her bed, as she walked she bent her head down and silently sobbed despite herself.
Stopping she glanced at the clock, *12:03* "Only a couple more hours till I'm not alone." She told herself. Well at least not alone as in surrounded by people, she was good at hiding emotions and pretending she was okay, but at night when everything was quiet… well that was another matter all together.
Rubbing her aching wrists she glanced down and massaged her right hand and winched in pain, looking down she grimaced at the newly sliced incisions, perfectly pressed but not deep enough.
"Coward." She mumbled to herself as she got into bed and tucked herself in. Looking at the ceiling she tried to ride herself of the emotions, but they seemed to keep on coming, sobbing in frustration she began to bang her head over and over on the wooden head of her bed trying to numb her thinking and forget everything.
Willow's eyes opened slowly, and she looked at the clock *3:46* "Great" she mumbled. The pain started to come again, and she couldn't take it anymore. She got up, and got dressed. She pulled on her green dress, and put her hair up in a clip. She walked over to her dresser, and picked up her black purse, and put a bottle of pills inside, and a water bottle. She grabbed her black strappy shoes, and put them on as she walked out the door. She reached the mansion after fifteen minutes. She opened the door slowly, and crept in. She started up the staircase, and then she turned into a small room.
Spike heard the door open, and someone walking up the stairs. That's when he Smelt the essence of Willow... mixed with what he questioned. He got up and went quietly out of the room. He started towards the door, which was left open. He didn't go into the room, but stayed out, and to side, being sure she couldn't see him.
Willow's hand was wrapped around a piece of paper, which was attached with a rubber band to the pill bottle. Willow walked over to a vanity, which was inside the room. She sat down at the little stool, and opened her purse. She took out the water bottle and pills.
Spike glanced in, and he caught sight of her wrists as she put the water bottle down. He saw the slashes and his heart lurched. *Oh damn* he thought.
He continued to watch.
Willow slowly opened the water bottle. Her hands were shaking and she nearly dropped the bottle. She opened the bottle of pills, and took out twenty pills, knowing that would end her pain. Forever.
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