Summary: Willow reflects on...things. Takes place right after the last ep of Season 6 (which I think is entitled, "Grave"?). Spoilers, spoilers, spoilers, for everything up until then! Everything *after* then is run by ME. I'm the Joss.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns Buffy, the show and its characters. I own evil dark thoughts everywhere! *insert evil laughter*
Disclaimer the second: This is un-beta'd. This is also the second fic I've ever written. EVER. So, if I'm totally off-base, or it's just horrible, sorry. Feedback much appreciated.
Disclaimer the third: I'm posting this to a W/S list because Spike is mentioned. And missed. By Willow. So don't yell at me, please?
Disclaimer the last: I'm working on a sequel, and need a beta! Here, beta, beta, beta...
Distribution: My archive, http://www.w8x.us Anyone else? Want, take, have. Just let me know.
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He told her he was in love with pain. He thinks I don't know about that. He thinks that I don't know about a lot of things.
He took off right when the getting was good. When I could show him what pain and love really was. I'll always regret that, that he wasn't around when I really came into my own.
I did feel bad for what I did, ripping Buffy out of Heaven. But she was needed here. We needed her. Sunnydale needed her. Why am I the only one that can see that? What about the greater fucking good?
And I loved Tara. I loved her so much it felt like everything inside me twisted into a thousand pieces when she died. Pain so bad that I almost choked on it, ached with it. But some part of me—some dark, heavy part of me—whispered, "This is what you needed, that one final push."
Dark Magick Veiny Naughty Evil Willow…she was still me. And I think everyone knows that she was still me. It wasn't like I was possessed or anything. My grief didn't completely overcome me—it set me free. Even if it was just for a little while. My pain didn't overwhelm me— it drove me, encompassed me…liberated me.
And I loved it. I loved all of it. I loved it when *I* brought Buffy back. I loved it when *I* restored Angel's soul. I loved it when *I* pulled their butts out of the fire time and time again, doing things that none of them could do, that no one else could do… just me.
And it was rough, yeah. Nosebleeds weren't the half of it. But I even loved the nosebleeds, because of the end results.
So, yeah, you could say I loved the pain.
I wish he was still here. I think he could understand, better than anyone else, what love and pain really is.
The End