Pairing: W/S sort of
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss Whedon, ME, UPN, FOX, and WB.
Distribution: my lj (shannon730) and my site http://magical-worlds.us/musings/
Spoilers: Anything through S7 of BtVS.
Summary: Willow's thinking about her relationships and changes in herself.
Author's Notes: This is for Gabrielle's drabble request. Not exactly romantic, sorry. Don't know where all the angst is coming from these last couple days.
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"Do you think you could love someone who's dead?"
She couldn't get the question out of her mind. Could she love him? Did it matter? He hadn't been talking to her, not really. They had been talking about Buffy and why she would never be able to love him. The question had been rhetorical, so why did it bother her. She didn't love him, and he didn't love her. They were friends, but it wouldn't go past that. She had Kennedy now.
She didn't love Kennedy; if she did she wouldn't have been in the basement with Spike to begin with. She was down there to hide from Kennedy. No, not just her, from everyone that wanted her to be something she wasn't. Someone she couldn't be anymore. She couldn't be the happy, naive girl she had been in high school, or the woman she had been with Tara. Too much had happened to her, and because of her.
They didn't understand that though. They switched back and forth between suspecting her of anything that could possibly be related to magic and wanting to ignore everything that had happened last spring. She couldn't do that, she had to admit that both were a part of her now. She may not like the darkness but it was inside her and wasn't going anywhere.
That's why she had started going to the basement and talking to Spike. He understood. He knew what it was like to be something that no one else could relate too. For him it was the opposite, they expected the darkness in him. It was the light they couldn't deal with. Buffy and Xander couldn't see that both were a part of him, he wasn't just a demon anymore, but that's all they could see. They couldn't see the man.
They could see the good in her though, most of the time that's all they saw, they ignored her demon. That's what it was, a demon. She realized that now. The demon in her was every bit as dangerous as the demon in Spike. More really, Spike didn't try to hide his; everyone knew it was there, under the surface. No one saw hers until it was too late.
"Do you think you could love someone who's dead?"
She felt more comfortable with Spike than anyone else in the house now. Could she love him? Did he want her to? Did he love her? Something had been drawing her to the basement night after night. Drawing her to him. It wasn't the same as it had been with Tara or Oz, but it wasn't the same as it was with Buffy or Xander either. Did she love him? She didn't know, but she was going to find out.
The End