Connor slipped quietly into the hotel, he considered waiting until tomorrow before confronting his father, but decided that he wouldn’t sleep without answers. He had gotten answers from that Wesley guy, and answers from Justine, now he needed answers from the only other person that could give them, Angel.
He started to head up the stairs toward Angel’s room, when he saw him heading toward the steps himself on his way downstairs. Backing up off the stairs he moved into the shadows knowing he couldn’t really hide from the vampire but still moving out of instinct.
Angel stopped at the bottom of the stairs, hesitating for a minute. Moving into the center of the room he stopped again, turning slowly looking for his son.
“Connor?” Angel said softly, “I know you’re here.”
“I need to talk to you.” Connor said stepping out of the shadows.
“Okay.” Angel said, “Now?”
“Yes.” Connor replied moving closer to Angel. “I want to know why I’m here?”
“What?”
“Vampire’s can’t have children, but you did. How?”
“We don’t know.” Angel said, “There was a prophecy. I… Darla and I… once. Then she left. When she came back she was pregnant. With you.”
“And my mother where is she?” Connor asked. He knew the stories Holtz had told him but now he needed to hear it from Angel.
“You were… You couldn’t survive inside her. Vampires aren’t made to carry a child. She staked herself to save you.” Angel said quietly still somewhat amazed at his sire’s selflessness.
“And you brought me here.” Connor said.
“Yes. We took care of you. We were going to raise you. All of us.” Angel said, “Then you were taken from me.”
“By Wesley.” Connor stated.
“Yes. He took you and gave you to Holtz.” Angel said angrily.
“Are you sure.” Connor said, “Are you sure he gave me to him. That I wasn’t taken from him too.”
“Excuse me?” Angel said not sure what his son was implying.
“Gunn and Fred found Wesley with his throat slit.” Connor said quietly, “That doesn’t sound like he gave me away willingly. Did you ever ask him what happened father?”
“Of course I… No.” Angel said guiltily, “I guess I didn’t. I just assumed.”
“I think you should talk to him. The witch is right. You judged your friend unfairly.” Connor said simply. “How did Holtz die?”
“He isn’t dead Connor he left.” Angel said not understanding the question.
“No. I found him that night. He was dead Justine said that you…”
“That Bastard!” Angel said clenching his fists at his side, “I shouldn’t have trusted him. It was all a play for…”
“Revenge.” Connor said, “What better revenge could he have than you being killed by your own son.”
“If you believed I killed him why did you come back?” Angel asked, “Why didn’t you…”
“Kill you.” Connor finished, “I was going too. I had to come back to find a way to do that. If you were that easy to kill he would have done it two hundred years ago.”
“Know your enemy.” Angel said softly.
“Yes.” Connor said.
Connor sat down on the couch and watched his father pace the floor. He wasn’t ready to be a member of this family yet. He needed time. He hoped Angel would understand that. He was sure Angel needed time too. Time to adjust to a teen-age son, time to work out his problems with his friend. Time to help his other friends deal with their problems too.
“It’s late. We both need to get some sleep.” Angel said, “And to think.”
“Yes.” Connor agreed and followed his father up the stairway to the bedrooms.
~Part: Twelve~
"I'm going to L.A. Giles." Buffy said again.
"So am I." Xander said just as angry as Buffy.
"No." Giles said, "Neither of you are going anywhere."
"She's been gone two weeks Giles." Buffy said, "And we haven't heard a word from her."
"But you've talked to Angel or Cordiela almost everyday." Giles said patiently, "And they both say Willow's fine. She just needs time."
"How do we know they aren't lying?" Xander asked.
"Why would they?" Dawn said from the corner of the room where she'd been listening to the conversation.
"What?" Buffy and Xander both asked.
"Why would they lie?" Dawn clarified, "Willow went to them because she believes Angel can understand what she's going through. When she's ready to come home or call she will."
"Dawn's right. If you two go out there you will only make things worse." Giles said glad that someone was seeing reason.
"Fine." Buffy consented. "One more week then I'm going after her."
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"Angel have you seen Willow?" Cordiela asked walking into the office.
"Did you check Spike's room?" Angel said not looking up from his book.
"Did I check where?" Cordiela said grabbing the book from the vampire, "Did you say Spike's room?"
"Yes." Angel said, "That's where she's been most nights lately."
"No. I mean, ewww." Cordiela said, "I'll swear I'll. Wait she's gay now." Cordiela said both disgusted and confused.
"They aren't. Well at least I don't think they are." Angel said not really wanting to consider the possibility right now, "They both were having nightmares. They seemed to have found that being close is comforting."
"Oh. Then I'll go check there I guess." Cordiela said, "They so better have clothes on." She muttered as she left the room and headed up the stairs.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
Spike woke slowly not wanting to disturb Willow he tightened his arm around her pulling her closer. She sighed softly moving her body closer to the harder body next to her. Stroking her hair softly he murmured her name quietly.
"Red." He whispered in her ear. "C'mon time to get up."
"No. Wanna stay here." She murmured without opening her eyes.
"Fine with me." He teased but it's getting late and the cheerleader is going to be looking for you.
"Want to stay in bed." Willow said moving her head to a more comfortable position on his shoulder.
"Fine but I can think of more interesting." Spike began sliding his hand down her back.
"Get your hands off her!" Cordiela said from the open doorway.
"Bloody hell." Spike said moving to sit up as Willow pulled away from him.
"We let you stay here and you." Cordiela said angrily.
"He wasn't doing anything." Willow said, "He was teasing me. It's fine."
"But he."
"He nothing. I'm fine. He isn't going to hurt me." Willow said, "And I am an adult. If I want to do those more interesting things he was suggesting it's my business 'kay."
"Willow." Cordiela started.
"I'm fine. We will be down in a few minutes." Willow said getting up and pushing Cordiela out the door.
~Part: Thirteen~
Part thirteen
Angel sat in the office staring at the phone. Connor said he judged Wesley unfairly. Maybe he had, maybe it wasn't right to not hear his side of the story. Gunn and Fred had found him nearly dead, now that the anger of his son being taken had began to lessen he could see that. He could see that maybe Wesley's motives had been noble. Maybe he hadn't planned on giving the baby to Holtz.
He reached for the phone and started to dial the number. Then he stopped as he thought that maybe Wesley didn't want to talk to him. If Connor had been right and he had tried to kill the man who had been trying to save his son then Wesley had every right to be angry with him.
"Call him."
"Cordy." Angel said looking up at the woman standing in the doorway.
"Call him." She repeated as she walked in the room and closed the door. "I didn't say anything at first because your pain was my first concern. But Angel I can't believe Wesley gave Connor to Holtz. I don't know what happened that night. None of us do. But I know him. He wouldn't do that."
"I've been thinking the same thing." Angel said quietly.
"I also know that everyone here is miserable because of this. Fred's afraid to even say his name in front of you. I know you're miserable because he was your best friend. I haven't seen him but I'm sure he's miserable too. Call him." Cordiela said sitting down in the chair opposite him, having decided it was best to not tell him that Willow and Spike had already seen the ex-watcher and had confirmed his unhappiness. "We can't move on with our lives until you deal with this part of yours."
"I'll call him." Angel said picking up the phone and motioning for her to leave the room. "Alone."
"What ever." She said standing up and moving toward the door. "You'll tell me later." She said walking out the door and closing it behind her.
"He's going to do it." Cordiela said smiling as she ran across the lobby to the pair sitting on the couch. "He's calling Wes."
"It's about time." Willow said smiling, "What made him do it?"
"Don't know." Cordiela answered, "I know something happened with Connor that night you two went to see Wes. And I think it's been in the back of his head since then."
"I told you he needed to decide to do this on his own." Spike said.
"But he didn't decide on his own." Connor said coming down the stairs, he had heard the whole conversation from the landing. "I told him he judged his friend unfairly."
"But did you tell him to call him or forgive him?" Spike asked knowing all too well how his grand-sire thought.
"No."
"Then see you planted the suggestion but he thinks he decided on his own." Spike said, "Always worked to get Angelus to do what you wanted, just had to let him think he was making all the choices."
"Hate to say it but he's right." Cordiela said barely glancing at the vampire, "Angel's much more cooperative if he thinks things are his idea. Most men are."
"Hey." Sounded from both Connor and Spike and also from Gunn who had just walked in.
"Don't know what's going on but I hear definite male-bashing." Gunn said sitting down next to Spike, "Wanna go clean out a nest with me?"
"Sure." Spike said, then turning to Willow, "Wanna come?"
"Don't think that's a good idea." Willow muttered, "I'll stay here."
"See you in a few hours then." Spike said grabbing his duster and following Gunn out the door.
"Connor want to come with?" Gunn said poking his head back in the door. The kid was good and getting better everyday.
"I guess." Connor said following the two older men out.
"Want to get Fred and go out to dinner?" Cordiela asked when all the men had cleared out.
"Sure." Willow agreed an night out sounded fun.
"You find Fred and I'll let Angel know." She said already moving toward the office.
~Part Fourteen~
Fred walked back to the table from the bar. She watched her two friends deep in conversation about the vampires in their respective lives. She knew Cordiela had admitted to herself at least that she loved Angel. She had been watching Willow over the last couple weeks and was sure that Willow was falling for Spike. She was also pretty confidant that the two vampire's felt the same way. Gunn had told her to stay out of it and mind her own business. Problem was she wanted to see her friends all happy and they didn't seem to know how to get there on their own.
"Thanks Fred." Willow said as Fred handed them each their drinks.
"Whatcha talking about?" Fred asked as she sat down.
"Whether Will is in love with Spike or not." Cordiela said smiling at the two women sitting across from her.
"No that discussion is over. I. Do. Not. Love. Spike." Willow said once again slowly hoping to make the ex-cheerleader understand.
"Fine but you like him a lot." Cordiela insisted.
"Yeah. I like him." Willow conceded, "He's a friend. Has been for a while now. But not like that. God Cordy Tara died a month ago."
"That has to be bad Willow. I can't even imagine. But that doesn't mean that you can't, you know, like Spike." Fred said.
"You know what guys. It doesn't even matter, I mean he loves Buffy anyway." Willow said, "It's not like he's had all this time to get over her like say Angel." Willow said glaring at her friend.
"No. I'm not going there." Cordiela said, "He so doesn't love me."
"How do you know?" Willow asked, "He watches you all the time. He actually seems to stop brooding when you're around."
"He doesn't.He watches me?" Cordiela said as Willow's words sank in.
"Yep." Both Willow and Fred responded immediately.
"You saw it too?" Cordiela asked looking at Fred who nodded her response. "Okay then why hasn't he said anything?"
"Um well he's a man." Willow said, "I don't know Cordiela, why not ask him."
"Okay so I just go up to him and ask him why he doesn't admit he love's me?"
"No. Of course not, but you could show him how you feel." Fred suggested.
"I'll think about it." Cordiela said.
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Angel hung up the phone. He had been talking to Wesley for hours now. Wesley was angry, he felt betrayed. Problem was Angel knew his feelings were justified. Wesley had been his best friend, but when things looked bad Angel turned on him. Angel had believed Holtz and Lyla's lies without hesitation.
Wesley had told Angel everything that had happened. From finding the prophecy to Justine slitting his throat. After that Angel knew what had happened. They had talked endlessly about the events of that night. Angel couldn't express to Wesley how sorry he was for everything that had happened. He wanted Wesley to come back to work. Wesley said he wasn't ready yet. He didn't think he could work with people that had shown so little faith in him. Angel asked him to think about it. He wanted to try to rebuild the relationship they had, Wesley didn't believe it could ever be the same for any of them but he would come by in a few days to talk to everyone.
Angel knew Wesley was right. To much damage had been done but he couldn't let it end like this. He wanted his family together, and he would do whatever he had to do make that happen.
~Part: Fifteen~
"Why haven't you went back to Sunnydale?" Spike asked as Willow walked into his room, as had been the routine for almost a week now.
"Why haven't you?" Willow asked sitting on the opposite side of the bed facing the vampire.
"Slayer'll probably stake me on sight." Spike suggested, "Hell I can't fight back so Harris might even do it."
"Buffy won't stake you." Willow said ignoring the comment about Xander since she wasn't entirely sure that he wouldn't stake the vampire.
"'Sides no turning this around. Answer the question." Spike said not letting Willow distract him this time. "Your friends won't kill you on sight. You said they weren't even mad at you."
"Why go back. Here there's things I can do to help. Angel needs help running the office, and with the computer stuff. In Sunnydale I'm useless without magic." Willow answered playing with a loose thread on the quilt covering the bed to avoid looking at Spike.
"Useless?" Spike replied, where had she gotten that idea, he thought, certainly not from her friends. "Why do you think that Red?"
"They don't need me, not really. What can I do? Research, they can do that without me. 'Sides with Giles gone Buffy's more on the track of kill first ask questions later." Willow said, "I can't fight, not without magic, so all I do is get in the way."
"Please Red." Spike said lifting her chin with his thumb forcing her to look at him, "If the Slayer never considered Harris to be in the way she can't think of you that way. And why can't you fight?"
"Uh well, hello not the slayer." Willow said sarcastically.
"Neither is Giles, but he still fights." Spike said, "The cheerleader, and Gunn fight too, no super powers there either."
"Yeah but me?" Willow said, "I can't."
"You can. With a little training I bet you could kick ass Red."
"And Buffy has time between raising Dawn, working, and saving the world to train me." Willow said knowing he was just trying to make her feel better.
Spike stared at the girl across from him in disbelief. He was sure if she asked Buffy would make time to train her. The watcher was back too, he would help her. She obviously didn't want to ask them. "I'll help you." He finally said.
"What?" Willow asked sure she heard the vampire wrong.
"I'll teach you to fight." Spike stated again, "We can start tomorrow, Angel has every thing we need in the basement anyway."
"Spike you don't have to."
"Want to Luv. It'll give me something to do." Spike said. It'll let me spend more time with you, he thought to himself. Spending time with the red head was becoming more important to him everyday.
"I-if you're sure." Willow said quietly. She liked spending time with him. Despite what she had told Cordiela earlier she did really like Spike. Part of her always had a crush on him. She knew it was silly and she should get over it, he was still in love with Buffy, but another part of her knew that Buffy would never feel the same way so maybe he would realize it and decide to move on.
Spike reached out and pulled Willow up to the head of the bed so she was lying next to him, smiling when she squealed in surprise at being pulled from the thoughts and across the bed at the same time. Willow had instinctively grabbed onto his arm as he pulled causing him to fall over her as she hit the bed. Spike stared at Willow lying beneath him for a moment. "Uh sorry luv I." He said watching as her breathing started to quicken.
"No it was uh, my fault I." Willow said stuck for words, Spike was simply to close for her to be able to think, she thought, "We should, uh, sleep now." She said nervously.
"Right sleep." Spike said moving to lie next to her and pulling her against him as she grabbed the blankets covering them both.
~Part: Sixteen~
Spike stood staring at the array of weapons Angel had lining the walls of the basement. He was lost in thought about last night. He had almost kissed Willow, how could he do that, he loved Buffy. He did right? He thought, he still loved Buffy that hadn't changed. Even if it had, Tara had just died, Willow had been through a lot, he didn't want to take advantage of that.
"Bloody hell," Spike said to the empty room, "I'm really turning into a poof."
Telling Willow he'd help her train probably wasn't the smartest move he'd made, not after last night, but he had promised her. "Red you comin'?" He yelled up the stairs. "Don't have all day."
"Yes you do." Came Cordiela's reply.
"I'll be right there." Willow answered.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
"You sure you want to do this?" Cordiela asked, "It's not like your friends really care if you can fight or not Will."
"I need to do this." Willow said, "I'm not going back there to be useless. Learning to defend myself is the least I can do after what I did to them."
"I'll be right in there if you need me. Angel too." Cordiela said.
"I'm sure I'll be safe. I mean, he's now chipped and souled." Willow said glancing at the door leading to the basement.
"Whatever." Cordiela said as she walked away, "Be careful."
Willow turned to open the door hesitating for a minute. Last night she had almost kissed Spike. It was wrong, she knew that, she loved Tara, sure Tara was gone but that didn't make the love just go away. And if she was trying to move on, which she wasn't not yet, but Spike loved Buffy. He spent the last year trying to prove that, he ended up with a soul because of it. It had to be a mistake Spike hadn't really wanted to kiss her.
"I'll just act like nothing happened." She whispered to herself as she heard Spike call her name once more.
"Coming." She said pulling the door open and heading down the steps.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
"Shit." Dawn muttered again as she read the note sitting on the kitchen table.
Grabbing Buffy's phone book and the phone she quickly located the number and dialed the L.A. number. They needed to be warned, she thought as she listened to the ringing, and God only knows how long ago they had left.
"Hi, um yeah is Angel there. Or Cordiela please." Dawn said quickly, "Um yeah I'd say it might be an emergency."
"Hi, Angel." She said a minute later, "It's Dawn."
"No I'm not calling to talk to Willow. I know she'll call when she wants to but uh, I kinda have bad news."
!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
"What kind of bad news?" Angel asked immediately worried, "Everyone okay?"
"Oh, sorry, yeah we're fine." Dawn assured him, "Buffy and Xander are on there way to L.A." She said quickly.
"What?" Angel asked hoping he heard her wrong but knowing he probably hadn't.
"I got home from school and found a note from Buffy. Her and Xander were going to L.A. to bring Willow home. I don't know when they left so I don't know how long you have before."
"Damn it. I told her not to." Angel said his voice trailing off as Cordiela walked in the room.
"Thanks for warning us Dawn." Angel said, "I'll have Buffy call you when I see her. Bye." He finished hanging up the phone and turning to Cordiela.
"Buffy's coming here?" Cordiela asked.
"Yeah. Xander too."
"Why?" Cordiela said, nothing good could come from this, she knew that, and they didn't know about Spike being here yet.
"To bring Willow home with them."
"Don't suppose it occurred to them that she can make her own decisions." Cordiela said sitting in the chair across from the vampire.
She watched as Angel paced. He hadn't seen Buffy in a long time, Cordiela knew that, she also knew that he said he wasn't in love with her anymore. Cordiela didn't however want to test the theory anymore than necessary. She loved Angel, and she was almost ready to admit that to him. If Willow and Fred were right she needed to tell him. But Buffy coming here could ruin everything.
Angel paced the floor, Buffy showing up here was not something he needed right now. Every time he saw her everything became so confusing again. He didn't love her, not that way, not anymore, but part of him still did care for her. He cared about Cordiela now, he loved her, true he would never tell her that. Telling her would just cause more problems for them, besides she loved Groo, she still hadn't told him why Groo left though. He didn't want her to know he loved her anyway, they couldn't be together it was too dangerous, and he wouldn't ruin her life that way.
"Angel!" Cordiela and Angel both jumped when they heard the voice in the lobby.
"They're here." Cordiela said quietly, "Won't telling them about Spike be fun." She muttered.
"Buffy. Xander." Angel said walking into the lobby.
"How nice to see you guys." Cordiela said, "But hey, in some places it's considered polite to call first."
"Cordy." Buffy said barely glancing at her, she came here for Willow not to fight with Cordiela.
"Where's Willow?" Xander asked not wanting to be here any longer than he had to be.
"Basement but." Angel began his words trailing off as Buffy and Xander disappeared toward the basement door.
~Part: Seventeen~
"Try again Red." Spike said, "When I get within reach just grab my arm and twist back." They had been working on this for almost a half hour now and he was becoming impatient.
"I obviously don't understand what you want me to do Spike." Willow said sadly, "This isn't going to work."
Now he felt bad. He hadn't wanted to hurt her feelings. "I've got an idea that might work." Spike said sighing, "You attack me, Then you'll have a better idea what the move should be."
"Me. Attack. You." Willow said slowly.
"Yep." Spike said, "Ready?"
""kay." Willow said lunging for the vampire in front of her.
Spike reached out deftly grabbing Willow's arm twisting it behind her and pulling her against him, lowering his head to her neck. "See not that hard right?" He whispered.
"Uh, no, it's uh, easy." Willow said turning her head to find Spike's mouth now very close to hers. "Spike I." She said quietly as he moved his lips closer to hers.
"Will!" Buffy said as her and Xander made their way down the basement steps ignoring the shouts to wait from Angel and Cordiela. "Will you down here?"
"Get the hell away from her." Xander shouted as he made it to the bottom step just in front of Buffy and seeing Willow and Spike.
Spike let go of Willow at the sound of Xander's voice. He was, however surprised when she didn't move away from him.
"What are you doing here?" Willow asked glaring at her friends, not happy at all about the interruption.
"What are you doing here?" Buffy asked looking at Spike angrily reaching for her bag.
"More importantly what are you doing to Willow?" Xander asked.
"What'd it look like I was doing?" Spike said smirking at the other man.
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"Should we go down there?" Cordiela asked at the top of the steps.
"Not a chance." Angel replied, "Let them deal with it themselves." He said pulling Cordiela away from the door.
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"Oh I don't know trying to rape another one of my friends." Xander said silently wishing he had a stake right now. "Just another way to hurt Buffy right? Just like with Anya."
"I. Buffy I didn't.." Spike started to say knowing he had no right to even try to defend himself for what he did to her.
"Xander I told you." Buffy began.
No one noticing how red Willow's face was becoming. The anger at her friends for ignoring her wishes to be left alone, but even more so the anger that Xander would just assume that there was no way Spike could want her for any reason than to get to Buffy. It wasn't like she was repulsive or anything.
"Why assume this has a damn thing to do with Buffy?" Willow finally shouted, "You never believed he loved her anyway right? So why would he want to get to her. He left Sunnydale, if he wanted to piss her off wouldn't it make more sense to stay." Willow said glaring at her friends.
"Will. I." Xander began backing away from the very angry red head.
"He wasn't going to rape me." Willow said still angry, "Doesn't have too." She said turning toward Spike, grabbing his head and pulling him into a kiss.
Spike stood frozen for a second, not sure what was happening. One minute she's yelling at her friends the next she's kissing him. When the shock wore off he wrapped his arms around her pulling her closer to him, as he felt her trying to deepen the kiss. When she finally pulled away from him and turned back to her friends she did so by turning in his arms and leaning against him.
"I specifically said you guys shouldn't come here remember." Willow said, "Angel and Cordy told you to stay away. I think you need to leave."
"Willow I. Spike." Xander began left semi-speechless by the display his friend had just put on.
"Willow how could you. Spike. I." Buffy said.
"We what Slayer?" Spike said still holding Willow with his arms around her stomach. " We had sex. That's all it was to you right? You told me often enough that you didn't love me. You didn't want me. It was wrong."
"But I. You.." Buffy said still angry and shocked by what she had seen.
"You don't want me fine." He said calmly, "So I moved on. Isn't that what you wanted me to do. That is what you said."
"No what she wanted was for you to spend the rest of your unlife following her around." Willow said, she was being cruel to her friends she knew that but her anger was overriding her sense of sympathy right now.
"Willow I." Buffy said, "That is not what I wanted. I just. you and Spike?" She asked.
"I can't do this." Xander said storming up the steps. "I'll be in the car."
"Why is he here anyway?" Buffy asked still angry but confused now, going to Angel was the last thing she expected from Spike.
Willow turned to look at the vampire waiting for him to answer. It wasn't her place to tell Buffy why Spike had sought out Angel.
"Followed the witch here." Spike said simply before lowering his head and placing tiny kisses along Willow's neck.
"What?" Buffy asked.
"Buffy go home." Willow said, "I'm not leaving right now. I'll come home when I'm ready."
"Willow I think you should."
"No. I'm staying here." Willow said, "Maybe in a few weeks, I'll come and visit."
"Willow."
"Just go." Willow said quietly. "I can't come home right now."
"Call okay." Buffy said, "We worry."
"I don't think Xander." Willow said moving away from Spike to hug her friend. She had been angry, she felt like her friends didn't respect her, if they had they wouldn't have come. She was also sorry she had worried them though.
"He'll deal." Buffy said, "Please call. I guess I can understand why you want to be here. Be able to deal without all of us to. But we just need to talk to you to know you're okay."
"I call in a few days." Willow said hugging her friend again. "I promise."
"Bye." Buffy said returning the hug then facing Spike. "What Xander said, I told him you didn't. But.."
"I did Buffy." Spike said facing her, "What I did to you. I had no right. But I didn't mean."
"I know." She said hugging him quickly, "Don't hurt her." She whispered in his ear before moving away.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
"What happened to Xander?" Cordiela asked as Buffy walked into the lobby. "He just stormed out without a word."
"He's pissed that Spike is here." Buffy said sure the former cheerleader already knew what was going on in the basement. "You should have told us."
"He didn't want you to know." Angel said.
"What ever." Buffy said, angry that Angel had kept something like that from her. "We're just going to drive back tonight since Willow doesn't want to leave."
"Fine. I'll call Dawn and tell her you're heading back." Cordiela said anxious for the blonde to leave.
"Bye." Angel said as he watched her leave.
~Part: Eighteen~
God he must really hate me now, Willow thought as she heard the door slam as Buffy left the basement, she had pretty effectively ruined any chance he may have still had with Buffy now. Taking a deep breath she turned to face the vampire behind her. "I'm sorry Spike." She said without really looking at him.
"For what?" Spike asked.
"For uh, attacking you like that." She said still embarrassed by what she had done, she had once again let her anger get away from her.
"Attack me?" Spike asked, "Luv, I can't say that having a pretty girl kissing me is the kind of attack I expect an apology for."
"But Buffy. and now she'll never." Willow said tears forming in her eyes. She really hadn't meant to hurt her friends anymore, and not only did she hurt Xander and Buffy again but now Spike too.
"Never what?" Spike said, "Love me. She wouldn't have anyway."
"Maybe now with a soul she. And I ruined it."
"I've had a lot of time lately to think about things like Buffy loving me, Red." Spike said lifting her chin so she would look at him, "And what I decided was that I don't want her love if she can't love me for me. Having a soul may have made a difference to her but it shouldn't. I'm the same as I was before."
"But still, you loved her." Willow said quietly.
"Loved. Past tense." Spike said, "Not even sure it was love anymore. It was a challenge. She was something I couldn't have."
"Spike."
Spike watched the pain in the red head's eyes. She was going to blame herself for his screwed up relationship with Buffy, he could see that. Yeah that kiss ruined his chances with the slayer, but he hadn't given that a lot of thought until she mentioned it. Hell it wasn't like he was fighting her off, he also could have put an end to the whole thing but didn't.
"Look Red, all I'm saying is feel free to attack me anytime you want 'kay." Spike said, "Now should we pick up where we left off?"
"'kay." Willow said feeling a little better but still anxious that she might have hurt Spike.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
"Where's Will?" Xander asked as soon as Buffy closed the car door.
"She's not coming." Buffy said simply.
"What?"
"She wants to stay." Buffy explained.
"But Spike."
"Yes she wants to stay here. With Spike." Buffy said still trying to deal with the situation herself. "She's an adult. What do you want me to do, pick her up and carry her out? 'Cause guessing Spike isn't going to like that."
"Yeah but." Xander said angrily.
"Before you say it. You're right I could probably take Spike." Buffy said holding up her hand to stop his argument. " But Cordy and Angel haven't even let us speak to her on the phone, do you really think they'll let us take her out."
"Buffy." Xander said trying to stay calm.
"I can fight any one of them separately but not together." Buffy said. "'Sides we have to let Willow do what she wants."
"But Spike." Xander said completely baffled by what the women in his life saw in the blond vampire.
"Get over it." Buffy said, "Lets get home."
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
"What the hell went on down there?" Angel asked Cordiela. The anger had been stifling in the room as first Xander then Buffy had gone through. "It was sure as hell more than them finding out Spike was here."
"Not sure." Cordiela said as she watched the vampire pace, "Maybe they were doing more than training down there." She suggested.
"What?" Angel said turning to look at her, "Willow and Spike don't." he said his voice trailing off at the disbelieving look on his seer's face.
"Willow so likes him Angel." Cordiela said, "You are completely blind aren't you."
"Willow. Spike.. Are you sure?" He said trying his best to register the information in his mind.
"Willow I'm sure of." Cordiela said, "She's had a crush on him for a long time." Cordiela said smiling, "Spike I don't know. Not like I talk to him much."
"He does." Gunn said letting the door close behind him as he walked into the lobby. "I assume we're talking about him and Willow."
"He does?" Cordiela said slightly surprised, "You're sure. I mean what about Buffy?"
"Don't really know. He's angry with himself for hurting her. But I don't think he loves her." Gunn said, "What is it about you vampires and this Slayer anyway. Aren't you supposed to avoid them?"
At that comment Cordiela started laughing. She tried to stop at the glare she received from Angel. "What? Well he's right." She said pointing at Gunn.
"So you know about this too." Angel said looking between his two friends. "How long has this been going on?"
"Nothings going on." Cordiela and Gunn both said.
"Spike hasn't really said anything yet." Gunn explained, "You can just tell. He wants to include her in everything. He talks about her all the time. He."
"Kind of like my dad with Cordiela?" Connor said coming down the steps.
"I.I.What?" Angel stuttered, how had this all turned to him.
"You do." Connor said, "You care very much for her, and she for you what I don't understand is why you don't admit it to each other."
Angel stared first at his son, then to the girl beside him who was turning an interesting shade of red, then to his laughing friend.
"Connor you don't understand. My soul. I can't ever.." Angel began, not wanting to explain this to his son right now. Right now he wanted to kick everyone out of the room and try to work this out with his seer before any more damage could be done.
"He has to be miserable for the rest of eternity or else the soul goes and psycho vampire from hell comes back." Cordiela said quietly.
"Yeah that part not so funny." Gunn said his smile fading.
"And you've never seen it." Cordy said. "Relax Angel, I know that we can never. But you should have told me."
"So you could be miserable too?" Angel said facing her.
"No so we could." Cordiela said, "Oh hell I don't know. Maybe there's a way."
"I don't see how, but we could try I guess." Angel said. "We could look into it."
"Oh boy research." Cordiela muttered.
~Part: Nineteen~
"Where's Willow?" Giles said as Buffy entered the Magic Shop followed by Xander.
"L.A." Was Buffy's short response.
"I thought you went to force her back here?" Anya asked glancing at them from behind the counter.
"Not force Anya," Buffy explained, "Just encourage."
"Right." Dawn said looking up from her school book, "You just wanted to encourage her that's why you left without saying anything."
"Dawn." Buffy said, "Not now."
"She's right." Giles interrupted, "You snuck out while we were gone because you planned on strong arming her into returning. So what happened?"
"She didn't want to come back." Buffy said quietly.
"Of course she didn't." Anya said, "She knew we wanted her to come home. If she wanted to come back she would have."
"It's not just that she didn't want to come back its that." Buffy said not anxious to talk about this.
"She's sleeping with Spike." Xander blurted out angrily.
"Xander." Buffy warned glancing at Dawn.
"Spike's in L.A. ?" Giles asked surprised, after the events here in Sunnydale he wouldn't have expected Spike to head to L.A..
"Yeah. Living with Angel I guess." Buffy said.
"Why?" Dawn asked.
"What?" Xander said, "Does it even matter?"
"Well yeah kinda. Think about it for a minute Xander." Dawn said, "If you had almost raped Buffy would you head to Angel? That would be the one place outside of Sunnydale where he was likely to get staked on sight."
"She has a point." Anya said coming around the counter and joining the group.
"Yes. There was a lot of risk in going to Angel. He couldn't know if any of us had talked to Angel or Cordiela." Giles said thoughtfully.
"Right. So why would he go there?" Dawn asked again, "This never occurred to either of you?"
Buffy and Xander looked at each other then back to the others, "No."
"So how do we find out why he's there?" Xander asked still not seeing the importance in anything other than Willow sleeping with Spike.
"Well we could." Giles began not sure where to start with this.
"Ask." Dawn said simply.
"What?" The adults said as one.
"Ask him." Dawn said again, when still faced with the blank stares she said more slowly, "Pick up the phone and call him, then ask."
"Sure and he'll just tell us." Xander said.
"Well not you." Dawn said, "Maybe he'd tell me."
"I don't think." Buffy began.
"Maybe that's part of the problem." Anya said, then continuing when everyone turned to look at her. "You and Xander both. You don't think. You knew Spike loved you and yet you played with him, with his heart, then dumped him. Then it's some big surprise when he hurts you. But you know that don't you? That's why you keep telling Xander it wasn't rape. And you," She said turning to face her ex-fiancee, "You didn't give any thought to how walking out on our wedding day would hurt me. You were scared so you left. You didn't want to deal with it. You've both been so wrapped up in yourselves that you ignored what was happening to Willow."
"We didn't ignore." Buffy and Xander both began at the same time.
"You did. You were concerned at first. When Dawn was hurt. But when she started to move on, you both went back to your own problems. God, you two didn't even have the sense to realize how bad it was at the hospital when she saved Buffy. You went with her, you were helping her. She was way past help by the time you two realized anything was wrong."
"But." Buffy said quietly.
"Dawn is right. Let her try asking Spike. What can it hurt?" Anya said, "There must be a reason he's there. And as far as Willow and Spike are concerned, it's none of your business. You don't love him, you said so." She said looking at Buffy. "So what she does with her life is up to her."
~Part: Twenty~
"He said he loves you?" Fred asked again not surprised so much by the feelings, as by the admission of them.
"Not in so many words." Cordiela said curling her legs under her on the couch. "But he didn't deny it either."
"So what are you going to do?" Fred said.
"Well we talked, and he doesn't think its fair to me because we can't ever." Cordiela said.
"The curse." Willow said having been pulled out of her own thoughts of the day's events by the conversation, "That's why he hasn't said anything?"
"Yep." Cordiela said, "He can't really be with me because happiness equals Angelus."
"Isn't there a way around that?" Fred asked, "Spike doesn't have the happiness clause right?"
Cordiela and Fred both turned to look at Willow, who immediately blushed at their looks.
"Well it's not like it's been tested but I don't think so." Willow said, "I mean, his soul wasn't a curse so why would it have."
"Uh oh." Cordiela said as Willow's voice trailed off as her eyes stared into space obviously lost in her own thoughts. "Willow's getting an idea."
"Is that bad?" Fred asked still amazed at how well the other two women seemed to know each other.
"Depends." Cordiela said, "Will?"
"Oh, uh, thinking." She muttered.
"About?" Cordiela asked.
"The soul restoration spell." Willow said still distracted by her own thoughts.
"What about it?" Fred asked.
"Miss Calander wanted to restore Angel's soul right?" Willow said looking at Cordiela again, "But she didn't want him to suffer. She liked Angel."
"Yeah, so?" Cordiela asked.
"You know what I don't want to say anymore tonight." Willow said getting up, "I need to make some calls in the morning. Look into so stuff and I'll get back to you when I know more 'kay."
"Guess so." Both Fred and Cordy said as they watched Willow head up the stairs.