Part 1

Willow sat and stared at the doctor the words not really sinking in just yet.  She heard what he was saying but it didn’t seem real.  It was just the drugs, they were making her hear things because this was not happening, not to her.  But he said it again. The damage was bad, the chances she would be able to walk again were slim to none. At best she may be able to use a walker or a crutch, but the broken arm would most likely prevent that. She still couldn’t believe how badly she had been injured, she felt like the whole left side of her body was broken. She had a broken arm, thigh, and had crushed her knee cap into so many pieces it couldn’t be repaired. They didn’t want to do a knee replacement something about her body rejecting it, and healing would be better this way.  Funny didn’t seem that way when the doctor is saying you won’t walk again, she thought to herself.

The accident had happened a week ago.  She still didn’t remember the details, just flashes of things from that day. The only thing she clearly remembered was the pain. She remembered leaving her house in a hurry, and taking the freeway, something she rarely did. She remembered a construction truck in front of her. The next thing she remembered was being in an ambulance and being asked for someone to call. She had given them Giles number, her parents were out of town again,.  She remembered talking to Buffy, Xander, and Giles in the emergency room. Not the conversations really, just knowing they were there. She remembered pain, the worst pain she ever felt in her life. She remembered someone telling her she needed surgery. That was it from that day.

She had spent three days in ICU, she didn’t remember much of that. They were giving her so much pain medication every thing was foggy for her.  She knew she didn’t like the staff there, they kept moving her which just made the pain worse, but no one would listen. Then she had been moved into this room. She had convinced them to give her a less potent pain killer, so she could think more now. The pain was worse, but she could think. Now the doctor was telling her they were taking her to get casts on her arm and leg. He said that would ease the pain. He also was sending a different doctor in today to talk to her about going to rehab so she could learn to take care of herself with the casts on.

They put her on a gurney and moved her to another room, and the doctor appeared again, this time holding a sample of color options for casts. What the hell did she care, was her only thought, she would never walk again but she should be worried about a pretty colored cast. She chose white for both, and the doctor removed the brace form her leg and began wrapping the cast around her leg from her ankle up to her hip. She could already tell this wouldn’t be pleasant, eight weeks with her leg casted to remain completely straight. When he finished her leg he began her arm. That was casted from her hand to about two inches from her shoulder.

After dinner another doctor came in and began asking questions she didn’t feel like answering.  Questions about the accident her injuries, and her home life. What she wanted to be able to do for herself. Why didn’t anyone see she didn’t want to talk, because talking about these things made them real.  Finally after a series of questions obviously meant to see if she had sustained a head injury, the doctor said she would be moved after breakfast to rehab. She would meet her therapists and be given a schedule then and begin therapy the next day.

After the doctor left Willow asked the nurse for a pain pill.  Her friends had already been in, and probably wouldn’t return until tomorrow so she might as well go to sleep.  While she was waiting for the nurse to return she looked at the items next to the bed that they had left earlier in the day.  Xander had offered a wide selection of junk food and comic books, Buffy had come with romance novels, and beauty supplies, and Giles had come with books. She really appreciated the effort but wasn’t interested in anything but self pity right now.

She slowly began to scoot herself down in the bed.  Laying down was so much harder than anyone realized when every movement caused pain, and you could only use one side of your body to achieve the motion. Just as she found a somewhat comfortable position the phone rang.  Moaning loudly she twisted her body so she could reach it.

“Hello.” She said breathing heavily from the exertion.

“Hey, Red. The caller supposed to do the heavy breathing.”

“Spike.” Willow said brightening.

Her friends had been coming by everyday for the last week, at least one of them a day, but it was Spike’s calls she looked forward to.  He was the only one who didn’t act like he pitied her.  He talked to her just like he always had.

“Yeah.  How you feeling?”

“Peachy.” She giggled, “You know I’ve never understood that expression.”

“Are you high Luv?” Spike asked laughing quietly at her answer.

“Sure am.” She said, “Why?”

“No reason. Just glad to hear you sounding so cheery.”

“That’s me cheery old Willow.”

“Something wrong?” Spike said not happy with the tone in her voice.

“No, they’re moving my room tomorrow, going to rehab. Have to learn to take care of myself.” Willow said.

“Better let you get some sleep then. Talk to you tomorrow.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Willow replaced the phone and started trying to get comfortable again and quickly drifted off into an uncomfortable sleep.
 

Part 2

Part 2

Immediately after breakfast Willow was taken to another room on the rehab floor where she was met by the doctor that had talked to her the day before.  He explained that she would begin therapy following day but the therapists would be in to ask her some questions sometime during the day.  She would have both occupational therapy to help her learn to do things on her own, and physical therapy the build strength every day.  It would actually only take a total of three hours so she would be done by lunch time.  The only other rule was that she had to wear street clothes, so she called Buffy and left a message for her to bring some in with her tonight.

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After lunch Willow met Cindy who she decided was way too cheerful, but really very nice.  Cindy explained that she would be her occupational therapist and needed to ask her questions about what she would have to do when she left the hospital.

“’kay what do you want to know?”

“First do you live alone?”  Cindy asked.

“I actually live in a dorm but I’ll be staying at my parents house for now.”

“One or two floors?” Cindy asked.

“Two, but my parents already said they would get an extra wheelchair for the second floor.”

“That will definitely help, so we will need to find a way for you to get up the stairs though. Will you have to go up and down often?”

“No, I mean there’s a bathroom on each floor so only in the morning and at night.”

“Are you going to have to cook for yourself?”

“Some probably my parents are away indefinitely but my friends will probably help so only minor cooking.”

“That’s good that you can count on your friends to help.” Cindy said, “Last question, will the wheelchair fit into the bathrooms?”

“I doubt it.” Willow said sighing she knew that was going to be a problem.

“Okay so what we are going to work on is teaching you to move from the wheelchair to furniture and back again.  Getting you in and out of cars, up and down stairs, dressing yourself and light cooking.”

“Okay.” Willow agreed.

“See you tomorrow then, I’ll be here early to see how you do with dressing.”

“Okay bye.” Willow said.

After Cindy left Natalie came in to explain what she would be doing in physical therapy.  Mostly stuff like standing and minor exercise to build up the strength on the side that wasn’t injured, because that would help her be more independent later.

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“I’m so glad you guys are here.  I have been bored to death all day.” Willow said when her friends walked in.

“Brought clothes.” Buffy said holding up a large bag.  “Mostly sweats, wasn’t sure if you could wear jeans with the cast.”

“No probably couldn’t.” Willow said, “Thanks.”

“Why so bored Willow?” Anya asked, “Not even you could finish all those books Giles gave you.”

“No, but they’re hard to hold and read with just one hand, and they’re in that night stand.” Willow said sighing at the memory of almost falling off the bed earlier trying to reach a book.

“We’ll move it for you.” Buffy said.

“No guys, really don’t go through the trouble.” Willow insisted.

Buffy and Xander insisted just as stubbornly that they would arrange the room for easier access for her.  After moving the night stand and putting the phone and books more within her reach Buffy hung the clothes in the closet and folded them into drawers.  The group talked for a while longer until the nurse came and offered Willow a pain pill.
 

Part Three

A nurse came in and woke Willow early the next morning. Willow was ready to complain until the nurse asked if she wanted to shower before breakfast.

“Can I? On the other floor they told me I couldn’t with my injuries. They said I had to just deal with Sponge baths and dry shampoo until the casts were removed.” Willow said.

“We can wrap the casts to keep them dry, and the showers are equipped for wheelchairs. We can wheel you in and transfer you the shower chair and then move you back when your done.” The nurse answered.

“Then yes I would love to take a bath.” Willow said her mood brightening instantly.

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Willow was wheeled into the shower room after her casts were wrapped with what looked to her like plastic wrap used to cover food. The nurse helped her into the shower chair which was similar to the wheelchair only all plastic so it could get wet, then left her alone. She quickly removed her nightgown and adjusted the water. She maneuvered the chair until she could reach the shampoo and soap easily. Washing her hair proved to me more difficult than she had anticipated. Trying to soap all of her hair with only one hand was certainly challenging but she did managed.

After rinsing her hair Willow wheeled herself over to the edge of the shower and reached for the towels.  Toweling herself off and pulling her gown back over her head she rang for the nurse who helped her back to her room where breakfast was waiting. Before she ate the nurse helped her brush and braid her hair so it would be out of the way.

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Cindy came in as Willow was finishing breakfast.  Willow looked up and smiled at the therapist, happy to have something to do besides lie in bed for the morning.

“Ready to get started?” Cindy asked.

“Sure.”

“Okay I think it’s best to start by seeing how well you can dress yourself without help.” Cindy said, “So I’ll just watch and give advice when you need it.”

“’Kay. My clothes are in the closet though.” Willow said turning sideways on the bed slowly wincing slightly at the pain caused by the movement.

“I’ll get them. What do you want to wear?” Cindy said opening the closet.

Willow indicated the sweats she wanted and opened the night stand drawer to remove fresh under things.

“First piece of advice, before you get in bed at night, at least while you’re here get out the clothes for the morning.” Cindy suggested handing over the chosen garments.

Willow set all the clothing next to her on the bed.  Groaning quietly at the thought of actually dressing herself. She picked up the pair of panties first and decided it was probably best to pull them over the injured leg first. Leaning over to accomplish the task she lost her balance as she stretched her upper body and dropped the panties when reaching for the bed to brace herself. She sat back up as Cindy handed her clothing back to her. Willow sat for a moment thinking of another way for this to work. She wasn’t going to admit defeat this quickly. Finally smiling slightly she set the panties down and grasped her upper thigh and began to ease her leg back onto the bed. Once her leg was on the bed again she retrieved
the panties and leaned to pull the over the cast.  After she had them pulled to her knee she reached for the sweat pants and pulled them over the bottom of the cast also. Turning her body again so that her leg was again hanging off the bed she slipped her right leg into the clothing. Using the fingers of her left hand to hold the pants in place she braced her right arm on the bed to lever her self into a standing position.  She held the bed until she felt confident in her balance before using her right hand to pull the clothing up to her waist.

Sitting back on the bed she reached for her bra and shirt. She thought, at least this part should be easier. She quickly found out how wrong she was. It only took seconds to realize there was no way she was going to be able to handle the clasp on a back closing bra. She reached in the drawer and found one with a front clasp. Holding the band steady with the fingers of her left hand she was able to close the clasps.  She was able to quickly pull the shirt over her head.

Looking at her socks and tennis shoes she sighed again. She again used eased her leg back on the bed and decided to do the easy side first. Quickly pulling the sock and shoe on her right foot, she attempted to tie the laces. After a few tries she managed to tie a relatively loose knot. Taking the second sock she reached down trying to get the sock over the toes of her left foot. Her arms barely able to reach; she could feel the cast cutting into her abdomen as she stretched. Finally able to pull the sock and shoe onto her foot and tying another loose knot she smiled at the therapist.

“Very good. Honestly didn’t expect you to be able to do the shoes.” Cindy commented.

“Thanks. What’s next?”

“Anxious huh?” Cindy replied moving to help Willow into her chair.

“Yeah. I’m not used to sitting around all day.”

“Okay lets get to work then.” Cindy said pushing her out of the room into the therapy area.

“Okay first thing we want to do is test your standing endurance. Your going to need to be able to stand to do some things. Moving in and out of the chair, possibly preparing food, stuff like that.” Cindy explained.

“Okay.”

“So what I want you to do is stand at this counter.  Sit if it starts to hurt or become to much.”

“No problem.”

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

After the standing test, Cindy took Willow down to Natalie at physical therapy, explaining that they would work on the standing everyday, as well as some other things. From now on she would need to be dressed after breakfast so they could start therapy immediately.

Natalie greeted Willow and explained they were going to build strength on both sides. The right because she would be more dependent on it now, and the left because they didn’t want the muscles to be too weak when the casts came off.

Today they were going to start with leg lifts. Five pound weights were placed on her right leg. Natalie told her to do five sets of 10 on each leg but stop if it became painful. Willow was able to do two sets on her left leg before pain became too much. Natalie told her to finish the right leg and then they would work on her arms.

To exercise her arms she was told to simply lift them to shoulder level and then lower them. She was again given weights for the right side. Again they wanted five sets of ten. She was able to accomplish this easily. The pain in her arm wasn’t nearly as bad as the pain her leg had been.

After finishing Natalie wheeled her back to her room, suggesting she take a pain pill in the morning before therapy for a while until she got more used to the activity.

After lunch Buffy called to say that some new Big Bad was in town so they wouldn’t be able to stop by today but they would be in the next evening for sure. The codeine in her medication was starting to get to her so she decided take a short nap.

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Willow was jarred awake by the ringing of the phone next to her ear.

“Hello.” Willow said sleepily.

“Hi Red. Did I wake you?” Spike asked.

“Not a problem. Hey aren’t you supposed to be sleeping?” Willow asked glancing at the clock.

“Just got up a few minutes ago.” Spike answered. “Why were you sleeping, I’m a vampire I have an excuse.”

“Nothing better to do.” Willow suggested.

“Watch the telly.” Spike suggested.

“Know what I’ve learned since the accident Spike.” Willow said. “There isn’t a damn thing on television worth watching.”

“That’s not true.” Spike said.

“Yes it is, oh and MASH is on all the time. Soap Operas all have the same story. And Daytime talk shows make the things we see in this town look
normal.” Willow explained.

“The same stories?” Spike questioned.

“Yep. Different actors same plot.” Willow said with certainty.

“Read?” Spike suggested.

“Try to, but after a while it just seems not worth the effort.” Willow said sadly, “You have no idea how much work turning pages and holding the book can be with only one hand.”

“True.” Spike said chuckling.

“Hopefully I’ll be home soon. Then at least I’ll have my things.” Willow said as the door to her room opened and a woman came in carrying a tray. “Ooh, dinners here.”

“I’ll let you go then.” Spike said. “Talk to you tomorrow.”

“Yeah tomorrow, bye Spike.”

“Bye.”
 

Part Four

Willow worked harder than she ever thought possible in the three weeks that followed her move to rehabilitation.  She was glad for all the work, it kept her mind off the idea of spending her life in this chair.  She still hadn’t told her friends, telling them would make it too real.  Telling them would make them look at her with pity, she didn’t want that.  Obviously they would have to be told but not yet.  She still wanted to pretend that none of this was happening.

Psychical therapy was mostly more of simple exercises, with increasing weight on both sides as she became stronger.  They also seemed to have this urge to watch her humiliate herself by forcing her to try to hop instead of using the wheelchair, they said it would make her more independent.  She liked the exercise it made her feel less useless.

Occupational therapy was when she worked the hardest.  She still had to do the standing thing every day.  She had worked up to ten minutes without a break.  Being able to stand helped her be able to prepare simple foods for herself which they had also practiced.  Making sandwiches, toast, microwavable foods.  Things that sounded so simple a month ago, now took practice to complete.

Cindy also was teaching her to move herself from her wheelchair to couches, chairs, and the car.  The first time she attempted to move from her chair to the couch she lost her balance and fell back to the wheelchair several times before figuring out how to turn and maintain her balance.  It was at this point she understood the need for the hopping in physical therapy.  Chairs were another problem, one Willow decided to avoid as much as possible at home.  Chairs weren’t as steady as the couch, they were too small.  If she hit the chair too hard it would tip over backwards.  Staying in the wheelchair during meals seemed the smarter option.

They practiced getting in and out of cars.  She would need that to get home, and to go to her doctors appointments.  Cindy had explained that four door cars would be easiest for her.  She could slide into the back seat and keep her leg on the seat.  Unfortunately for her, Xander and Giles both had two door cars.  Giles was working on contacting her parents again to see if they could send their car keys because they had a four door.  Until then though, Willow had to learn to deal with a two door car.  The only way was for her to try and put her leg in first by standing and holding on to the wheelchair with her good hand and then try to follow with the rest of her body all without letting any weight rest on her left leg.  She quickly found the way to accomplish this was to put her leg in and they sort of throw her body in after it.

Cindy also had her spend part of every day going up and down the stairs.  She would bring her wheelchair as close to the top step as possible so that her right foot would reach the second step.  Then she would stand and slowly lower her self to a sitting position at the top of the stairs.  From there she would begin to lower herself down one step at a time by raising her self with her good arm and leg and sliding down the steps.  Coming back up wasn’t as bad, she could stand up and sit back down a few steps up and raise herself up one at a time until she reached the top.  Using the steps made her uneasy, particularly at the top where she ran such a risk of losing her balance and falling down the steps.  At least at home she knew she would only have to go each way once and day.

By the time therapy was over each day Willow was sore and tired.  Buffy, Xander, Anya and Giles stopped by every couple days.  Bringing things to read, or games to play.  Xander had found a really cool little electronic solitaire game.  It took some practice to play it without hitting the wrong buttons with the cast, but once she did the game kept her busy.  Giles brought books, which she was getting better at holding and turning pages of every day.

Today though, no one came to see her.  Today she wanted to see them. Cindy had told her she could go home in two days.  She needed to have Giles or Xander come in to see how to help her get in and out of the car, and into the house tomorrow then she could go home the next day.  She called the Magic shop and told Xander.  He said they would all be in first thing in the morning for the lessons, but they wouldn’t be up today because of some big bad evil to fight.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

“Hello.” Willow said picking up the phone shortly after dinner.

“Hey Red.” Spike responded.

“Spike guess what I get to come home.” Willow said happily.

“I heard.”

“Hey shouldn’t you be out fighting the big bad evil?” Willow asked.

“No.  They’re fine on their own.” Spike said.

“I can’t wait to get out of here.  I need my stuff.” Willow said.

“Going crazy in there, are you?” Spike asked chuckling softly.

“Yes.  One more day then I can go home after breakfast the next day.” Willow said. “You’re going to come and see me right?”

“Course I am.” Spike said. “How are you going to manage at home alone anyway?”

“Buffy’s going to come over in the morning to help me get up and dressed and downstairs, help a little with breakfast if I need it. Xander and Giles will take turns at night to help with dinner, and getting me upstairs for bed.”

“And the rest of the day?” Spike asked.

“On my own mostly.” Willow answered. “I probably don’t need them to come at night, but everyone’s worried I’ll burn myself or fall down the stairs or something.”

“They should be worried about you.” Spike said then at the sound of Willow’s yawn. “Get some sleep pet. I talk to you after you get home.”

“Bye Spike.” Willow said hanging up the phone and slowly slid down in the bed and turned out her light.
 

Part Five

Spike knocked on the door, trying to keep the blanket pulled over his head at the same time.  He knew she had to be home.  The slayer had classes and Giles and Xander were working.  He knocked again and still receiving no response he tried the knob.  The door opened, what the hell is the slayer thinking leaving her alone in the house unlocked like that, Spike thought angrily.  He walked in and looked into the living room and kitchen not seeing Willow, he began to worry, when he heard a sound from upstairs.

"Damn, I was sure I gave the slayer time to get out." Spike muttered as he headed up the steps.

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Willow was sitting in front of her vanity table holding her hair in a ponytail with her good hand, and had the cloth covered band balanced on the fingers of the other.  She raised the band to her hair and tried to twist it around her hair.  The band quickly tangled in some hair while still more hair slipped from her grasp.  She reached for the hairbrush again, trying to hold it in the fingers of her left hand.  As she tried to raise the brush to her hair it slipped from her fingers into her lap.

"Fuck!" Willow shouted throwing the brush against the far wall.

"Didn't know you knew those words Pet." Spike said from behind her.

"Spike if you're laughing I will stake you myself." Willow said angrily.

"Would never laugh at you Red." Spike said moving to hand her the hairbrush. "What are you trying to do anyway?"

"Put my hair in a ponytail." She said taking the brush and again began brushing it into a ponytail, and again losing her grip and dropping the brush, "Fuck." She muttered under her breath.

"Really Willow the language." Spike said, "And I thought Buffy came over in the morning to do these things."

"These casts have somehow manage to reduce my vocabulary considerably.  And Buffy had a late night fighting evil, and overslept.  She called and I told her I could get myself up and dressed and would just skip showering today."

Spike took the brush from Willow's lap and began brushing her hair gathering it into one hand as he brushed.  He reached for a band and wrapped it into her hair.  Setting the brush down he turned her chair around so he could examine his work.

"Better now. Can't help with the shower though." He said then smiling, "Unless you want me to?"

"Uh, Uh, no." Willow said blushing.

"Kidding Luv." Spike said, "Love making you blush. You can dress yourself right?"

"Yeah.  If you can just grab sweats from the closet for me.  Where'd you learn to do that to hair anyway?" Willow said turning back to the mirror to examine her hair.

"Vampire's don't have reflections. Dru occasionally needed help." Spike said choosing an outfit and holding it out for her approval.

"Oh.  How did you get here? It is daytime right?"

"Yeah it's daytime.  I used the sewers." Spike said, "I'll wait in the hall then help you downstairs."

"Thanks, but I'll be okay really."

"Don't really want to have to go back out in the sunlight anyway. So I thought if you don't mind." Spike replied.

"Oh sure no problem.  I'll just be a minute." Willow said as Spike moved to the hall pulling the door closed.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

"What do you need me to do?" Spike asked as Willow approached the stairway.

"Nothing unless I start to fall." Willow said surprised at his question.  For the past week, since she had been home everyone just assumed she needed them to hold on to her or do things for her.

"'kay." Spike said following behind.

Willow moved her chair to the edge of the top step. Then scooted forward in the chair until her right foot touched the second step.  She slowly raised her self to a standing position by pushing with her right hand.  Holding the chair for a moment until she was sure of her balance, she reached for the wheel locks and released them pushing the chair slightly back, giving herself room to sit.  She lowered herself slowly to the ground.

Taking a deep breath, this was the more painful part of her day, she raised herself up with her right arm and leg and lowered her self down one step at a time.  When she reached the bottom she stood slowly and bracing herself on the wall turned herself to sit in the wheelchair waiting at the bottom.

"I'm impressed." Spike said after she sat down.

"That was nothing, now I get to make breakfast." She said smiling and wheeling herself toward the kitchen.

Chuckling softly Spike followed the red head into the kitchen.  "Want any help?"

"Nope.  You want anything to eat?" She asked then "Oh, sorry no blood."

"I'm fine." He said taking a seat at the table.

Spike watched in silence as Willow went first to the refrigerator and began pulling items out, placing them in her lap.  Once her lap was full she put her left arm over the items to hold them in place while she wheeled herself back to the table.  She placed a freezer bag with bacon, and a box of frozen waffles on the table along with butter.  Then she crossed the room and retrieved a microwave bacon tray and returned to the table.  Placing several pieces of bacon on the tray she placed it in her lap again and moved to the microwave, placing it inside and pressing several buttons she stood up bracing herself on the counter she reached for the syrup and a plate from the cupboards above her.

Returning to the table with the new items she placed them on the table and grabbed a waffle from the box and stuck it in the toaster on the table. While she was waiting for her food to finish she returned the bacon and waffle box to the refrigerator.  The waffle popped up as she returned to the table; she placed it on her plate and put butter and syrup on it, then returned those items to their places as the microwave beeped.  Taking her plate from the table she moved to the microwave.  She reached in and placed the bacon on her plate leaving the tray where it was and returned
to the table.

"Nice work.  I'm glad you're adjusting so well." Spike told her as she began to eat.

"Thanks. Actually you're the first one that has let me do all of it on my own.  I get a lot of let me help you, you'll burn yourself, I can get that, or you'll falls." Willow said quietly.

"They really are trying to help." Spike said.

"I know but I need to do these things on my own.  They can't be here all the time, for." Willow said her words trailing off as she realized what she was about to say.

"For what?" Spike asked.

"An indefinite amount of time." Willow finished quickly.

"Right." Spike said, knowing the girl wasn't telling him something, he figured she hadn't told her friends the secret either.

"Well what do you want to do until dark? We have what six hours?" Willow said.  "Just please don't say television."

"Movies?" Spike suggested.

"What the hell?" Willow said, "I doubt I have any movies you like though."

"I'm sure we'll find something." Spike said standing as Willow placed her dishes in the sink.

"Let's go.  I'll go in first make sure the windows are closed." Willow said.
 

Part Six

The time past more quickly for Willow now that she was home.  She was still stuck in the house most of the time but at least she had all of her things.  She could find things to do.  She was getting better and better at doing things for herself.  Cooking was getting easier every day.  The only thing that was still a problem was showering.  Not being able to get the casts wet made it nearly impossible.  Just getting into the tub by herself was impossible.  She could take baths with help getting in because her left side would be on the outside so she could keep her leg out of the water, but she couldn't wash her own hair. That was the only way she still really had to depend on her friends to help her.

She hated being a burden to them, she hated needing them to help her so much, she hated not being able to do things for herself. For those reasons alone she had started suggesting they didn't need to come by so much.  Buffy was only coming every other day now.  She didn't need to have to worry about Willow, on top of school, and slaying.  Xander and Giles came by a couple times a week too, Giles had the Magic Shop and
the watcher thing, Xander had a job and researching for Buffy.  They didn't need to have to worry about her too.

She still hadn't told them what the doctors had said.  Willow knew she needed to, but she wasn't ready to face being out of their lives yet.  They didn't have time to drag around a wheelchair all the time.  It wasn't like she could patrol with them anymore, she couldn't fight like this.  She had to expect them to move on without her.
 

Part Seven

Willow was sitting on the couch trying to ignore the pain.  The casts had been off for three days now and the pain was worse than it had been since that first week in ICU.  The doctor had warned her this would happen, she was using the muscles again and it would make her sore.  The casts being gone did help too, though, she could get around much easier because her leg wasn't being held straight out anymore.  It still didn't bend completely but it was better than at a ninety degree angle from her hip.

She looked at the clock on the wall; dinner time.  Buffy had called earlier and asked if she needed them to stop by, they wanted to see a movie.  She didn't want to stop her friends from having fun so she told them to go ahead.  She took a deep breath as she pulled the wheelchair closer to the couch and braced her right arm and leg to push her body up.  She stood easily, she hadn't been having as much trouble balancing without the extra weight.  As she turned and moved to sit in the wheelchair it slid back as she sat.  Willow screamed as she fell to the floor pain shooting through her leg and arm as she instinctively put both down to break her fall.

Willow sat still for a moment silently berating herself for not checking the wheel locks.  Tears were forming in her eyes from the pain radiating around her knee.  She felt like someone had hit it with a sledge hammer.  Her tears increased as she looked around and realized she didn't have a clue how she would get off the floor.  As she continued to cry the pain started to subside and she realized she needed to relax and think.

Call for help.  That's what she could do.  Giles would be home, he didn't go to the movies with the others.  Thank god Buffy insisted she keep the cordless phone close to her.  Now where was it? She spotted it on the other end of the couch; damn.  She started to scoot herself toward the phone.  Pain shot into her knee as soon as she moved.

Okay so that didn't work, she thought, I'm not sitting here until morning.  Taking a deep breath she gripped the couch with her right hand bending her right leg at the knee and pushing herself up.  Again the sledgehammer to the knee.  She lowered herself back to the ground and began crying again.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Spike approached the door and knocked softly.  He waited a moment and knocked again.  Willow had told him to just come in when he visited but he felt better knocking first.  After a moment he could here a voice from inside.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Willow heard the knocking, thank god Spike's here, she thought, wow never thought I'd think that.

"Spike." She yelled.

She waited when he didn't open the door she yelled again.

"Spike please come in!"

She heard the door open and close again then his voice sounding unsure.

"Red, you here?"

"Over here Spike." She said relaxing a little.

"Where?" Spike said as she saw his head come into view.

"On the floor." She said holding up her arm so he could see her.

"What the hell you doin' down there Pet?" Spike asked coming around the couch.

"Just got tired of the couch." She replied, "I fell."

"Fell, how?" Spike said moving to her side. "Are you hurt?"

"Forgot to lock the wheels before sitting down, and don't think so, just my pride." Willow responded.

Spike moved behind her grabbing the chair and locking the wheels.  He bent down and reached under her arms and lifted her quickly to the chair.  Willow let out the breath she had been holding when she realized he was just going to lift her up.

"Pain pill Spike please." She said as her breathing returned to normal.

"Where?"

"Kitchen table."

Spike quickly left the room returning a moment later with a pill and a glass of water.

"Thought the Watcher or Harris were here at dinner time." Spike said after she took the tablet.

"Went to a movie."

"Didn't want to see the movie?" Spike asked.

"Wasn't invited."

"What?" Spike said angrily.

"They don't want to take me out. Lifting that heavy wheelchair all the time." Willow said sadly.

"Red, I've seen the slayer throw Angelus across the room, that wheelchair is nothing for her."

"Look I might as well just get used to being left out." Willow said wheeling past him to the kitchen.

Spike followed closely behind, she wasn't getting away this time.  She was going to bloody well talk to him.

"Why should you get used to being left out?" He asked as they entered the kitchen.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I do.  Now tell me why." He said spinning the chair to face him.

"Because if I can't walk what the hell are they going to want me around for.  Can't fight evil like this.  Hell I can't even get myself off the damn floor." Willow shouted before jerking away from him.
 

Part Eight

Spike followed behind the red head the words sinking in as she followed.  She couldn't walk now, but that was just temporary until therapy started.  That's the way he understood it anyway from the slayer and the watcher.

"What are you talking about Willow?" Spike said when she finally stopped next to the couch.  "You start therapy in a couple days right?"

"Yeah, I start therapy Monday morning.  But that's just to get my knee to bend further and build enough strength that I can bear some weight for short periods.  The doctors said I won't be able to walk, my knee won't be strong enough.  Best I can hope for is my arm will be strong enough for crutches or a walker." Willow said spinning the chair around to face him.

"So that's it then.  Someone says you can't walk so you just give up." Spike said angrily.

"It's not just someone Spike.  It's a doctor, several actually. I'm not giving up.  I'm accepting what can't be changed."

"Maybe they're wrong.  But you won't know if you don't try." Spike said kneeling if front of her.  "And even if they are right.  That doesn't mean you're friends should leave you out.  You can fight evil from the chair.  You can still research.  And they can certainly take you out with them."

"What ever." Willow said.

"Red, your attitude is going to make a big difference.  You might be able to walk if you try hard enough.  Did the doctor say you can't try to put weight down on that leg?"

"No, he said I could try but to stop if I felt pain that I couldn't deal with." Willow said, "And not to do it alone."

"So we start getting you on your feet." Spike said matter of factly.

"How?" Willow demanded, "I'm here alone all the time.  I'm not telling the others about this until I have to.  That means they can't be here to help me. I'm not interfering with their lives that way."

"I'll help you." Spike answered.

"You?" Willow said skeptically. "You can't be here all the time."

"Doesn't have to be all the time Pet.  Just a few hours a day." Spike said.  "I can come over before dawn.  I'll hide while the slayers here then we'll
have all day to work on it before I can leave again anyway."

"You'll do that for me?" Willow said watching the vampire closely.  Over the past months he had become one of her closest friends.

"Nothing else to do during the day." Spike said, "Sunlight and all."

"Thank you.  When do we start?" Willow asked.

"We start with the attitude now.  Where's you coat?" Spike said standing up.

"Coat?" Willow said surprise showing in her voice, "Why?"

"We're going out.  It can't be good for you to be in here all the time." Spike said, "So what do you want to do? Movies, mall?"

"Mall.  I could start Christmas shopping.  I was just going to do it by Internet but going to the mall could be fun."

"Mall it is then.  Lets go." Spike said locating her coat and pushing her chair toward the door.
 

Part Nine

Spike entered Willow's house quietly shortly before dawn.  Willow had told him Buffy would be there around seven so he had a little bit of time before he needed to hide.  They had talked about where he should hide and decided the basement was his best option it was far enough away from anywhere Buffy would be that she shouldn't sense his presence.

Last night it had taken all his restraint to not find and beat the hell out of Buffy and Xander. Okay he realized Harris wasn't the brightest person he had ever met so he shouldn't hold him responsible for not seeing how depressed Willow was becoming.  But the slayer should have seen it. Should have realized Willow felt left out.  Both of them could have made an effort to include her.  There was no reason she needed to stay in that house alone all day.  They could have taken her to the magic shop with them.  Even with the casts she could have helped research.  If they didn't want to take her there, then they could have brought their meetings to her.  And now with the casts off there was really no reason why they weren't taking her out with them.

Willow had looked so happy and relaxed for the first time in months last night.  She needed to get out and be around people.  Do things girls her age did.  The mall had been a great idea.  She brought Christmas gifts for everyone. They had seen a movie after she had finished shopping.  When he brought her home he had helped her to her room and promised to return to help her with walking in the morning.  He was jarred out of his thoughts when he heard keys in the door. Damn, he didn't realize so much time had passed, he thought as he slipped into the basement.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay Will?" Buffy said following her friend into the kitchen.  "It's Saturday, no classes."

"I'm fine.  You don't want to be stuck here with me all day." Willow said then glancing at her friend who had stopped moving just inside the door. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Just thought." Buffy said shaking her head. "Never mind, I mean it's the middle of the day. Slayer senses must be a little off."

"Yeah must be." Willow said, "Anyway I'm fine now. You don't need to stay."

"You sure Will?"

"Yes. Go have fun or train or something." Willow said gesturing toward the door.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow morning then." Buffy said opening the back door.

"You know Buffy.  There's no need for you to come over tomorrow.  Take the day off. I'll see you Monday."

"If you're sure." Buffy said, "I'll be here early Monday to help you get ready for therapy. Bye."

"Bye." Willow said as her friend closed the door.

Willow waited until her friend was out of the yard before wheeling over to the basement door and pulling it open.

"That was way to close Spike." She said when she saw the vampire.

"Yeah.  We need to find a better hiding place." He said following her into the kitchen.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

"Are you sure I can do this?" Willow asked nervously.

"Yes.  I'm sure, but you need to be." Spike answered. "It's not like I expect you to run a marathon today. I just want you to stand up."

Willow took a deep breath and pushed herself to a standing position, still holding her left leg off the ground.

"See standing." Willow said smiling.

"Sorry Pet.  Two feet." Spike said moving behind her and putting his hands on her hips.  "I won't let you fall."

"Its going to hurt." Willow stated.

"Yes. But if you want to walk you have to do it."

"Fine." Willow said slowly lowering her foot to the ground letting her toes touch take a little of the weight off the other leg.

"See.  You can do it."

"It hurts like hell. And you're holding me up." Willow said.

"Want me to let go?"

"No." Willow said quickly.

"More weight then." Spike said, "Put your foot flat on the floor."

Taking another breath and holding it she brought her heel to the floor.  As soon as it hit the floor she gasped at the pain that shot up her leg.  She lost her balance when the pain hit and fell back against Spike.

"You okay Willow." Spike asked worried that he may have pushed to hard.

"Yeah.  Just pain. A lot of pain." Willow said trying to smile.  "Just give me a sec okay."

"All the time you need." Spike said.

He stood still holding her around the waist for a couple minutes until he felt her relax in his arms. "Ready to try again?"

"Sure."

He gently pushed Willow forward away from his body until she was standing up again.  She slowly lowered her foot to the floor.  The pain was still there but this time she was ready for it and was able to stay on her feet.

"I'm going to let go now Pet." Spike said after a moment. " I'll stay behind you though so you don't fall."

He slowly removed his hands from her waist and stepped back.  He hesitated a minute afraid she might fall again.  When he was sure her balance was secure he stepped around her to face her.

"You are balancing your weight on both feet right?" He asked.

"Sort of.  I mean not evenly." She said smiling to fight back the pain, "But I am using both legs."

They worked on simply standing and increasing the weight on her left leg until lunch time, taking short breaks occasionally so she wouldn't become to sore from using the muscles that she hadn't used in months.
 

Part Ten

Willow gripped the crutch in her right hand bracing it
under her arm as she stood up.  In the past couple
weeks she had progressed to walking short distances
with a crutch to support her, with the help of therapy
and Spike.  The pain was still intense but she was
getting used to it.  Spike was right, she knew that,
if she wanted to walk she had to deal with the pain.
Spike wasn't coming over every morning now.  She was
confident enough to work out on her own.  She did the
exercises the therapist gave her and walked as much as
she could around the house.  She had small weights to
use on her arm to build strength, that's what she had
been doing when she heard the knock.

Willow peered out the window next to the door and
smiled.

"Hi.  Why are you knocking?" Willow said opening the
door.

"Being polite." Spike said smiling, then at Willow's
raised eyebrow "Okay just wanted to make you walk to
the door."

"What a friend." Willow said moving aside so he could
enter.

"I am.  You need to walk.  'Sides don't see anyone
else here to take you out tonight."

"Out? Where?" Willow asked looking down at the robe
she was wearing.

"Anywhere you want.  Movie? Bronze?" Spike said,
"That's where your friends are."

"Bronze sounds good.  As long as you don't expect me
to dance." Willow said then looking at the crutch in
her hand. "I can't go there like this." She said
sadly.

"In your robe? Definitely not." Spike said smiling.

"With a crutch you dope.  Too crowded."

"Don't use the crutch."

"Then I'll fall." Willow said simply.

"I'll be your crutch." Spike suggested. "Once we get
to the table you shouldn't have to get up again and if
you do I'll help you."

"And what if I need to use the rest room?" Willow
asked.

"Told you your friends are there.  Buffy can easily
support your weight."

"You sure about this." Willow said, "I don't want to
ruin your fun."

"Your not. I don't do things I don't want to do.  You
should know that by now." Spike said "So lets go."

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Xander spotted Willow and Spike first, as they entered
the crowded club. She was clinging tightly to Spike's
arm.

"What's going on?" Xander said motioning to the couple
making their way to the table.

"What the hell?" Buffy said following Xander's
gesture.

"He's holding her up." Anya said simply.

"What?" Both said in unison.

"She can't walk without help." Anya said "You two are
her best friends and you don't know that."

"I-I didn't realize she could go more than a few
steps." Buffy stuttered.

"Me either." Xander said.

"Well she can, she's been working hard at it." Anya
said quietly as the couple approached the table.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Spike glanced at Willow who was beginning to look
uncomfortable.

"You okay Red?" Spike asked hoping he hadn't pushed
her to far tonight.

"I'm fine.  I just need to Uh." Willow answered
blushing slightly.

"I'll help you." Anya said moving to stand next to the
red head.

"Thanks but maybe Buffy."

"No I can do it.  A few years ago I had to pose as a
nurse to contact this woman who." Anya said helping
Willow to her feet.

After the two women had left the table Buffy turned to
the vampire.

"Spike if you hurt." She began.

"Give it a rest Slayer.  You two have hurt her more
than I or any vampire ever could. Have either of you
idiots even noticed how depressed she's been since the
accident?" Spike said angrily. "Did either of you know
that her doctor told her she would never walk? That
she thought you two would just move on with your lives
and forget about poor crippled Willow? That she wanted
nothing more than to get out of the house these last
months but didn't want to put you out by asking?"

"Well Uh."Buffy and Xander began.

"Save it okay.  You are supposed to be her friends but
did either of you even know she could walk? No, big
surprise you haven't been around enough to notice that
she's been practicing every day.  That's why she can
walk at all." Spike said.

"How? Who's been." Buffy began.

"Me.  The evil vampire.  And she's been talking to the
demon girl the last few days." Spike said.

"What else can she." Xander said.

"What ever she wants if someone helps her." Spike said
as the two women approached the table again.

"Wanna dance luv?" Spike said standing next to Willow.

"Dance? I don't think?"

"It's a slow song.  Lets try." He said gripping her
arm and leading her away.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

"What's wrong Spike?" Willow asked as they began to
move to the music.

"Nothing."

"Liar.  Something's been wrong all night.  And its
worse since I left the table." Willow said looking at
the vampire closely for a reaction.

"Just worried about you." Spike said softly. "Afraid I
might have pushed too far."

"No you didn't.  I'm fine.  I like being out again."
Willow said, "Just don't think I believe you.  Because
I'm just stopping the nagging thing.  I know your not
telling me the truth."

Willow rested her head on Spike's chest and they moved
slowly to the music for a few minutes before Spike
noticed the slight flinch every time Willow moved.

"Sure your okay Red?" Spike asked.

"Just sore is all.  My knee is swelling a little from
being on my feet so long." Willow said wincing as a
bolt of pain shot through her very swollen knee.

"Want to go home?" Spike asked.

"Probably should. But I don't want to ruin your
night." Willow said.

"Your not.  They're your friends not mine remember."
Spike said leading Willow away from the dance floor.

"Just let me sit for a minute before we walk to the
car 'Kay?" Willow said as they approached the table.

"Sure." Spike said leading Willow to a chair next to
Buffy.

As soon as she sat Spike noticed that the Jeans Willow
had on were very tight around her left knee.

"Your leg isn't a little swollen.  It's a lot
swollen." Spike said angrily.

"I'm fine."

"He's right you know.  You can cut off circulation to
your feet if it keeps swelling." Anya said.

"I just need to sit for a minute then we can leave."
Willow pleaded, "I can't walk all the way out there
now."
 

Part Eleven

As the weeks past Willow kept going to therapy and
working on walking with Spike.  The therapist was
giving her tips all the time on how to handle walking,
building strength to make it easier and encouraging
her to go out or back to school, things that would
force her to be on her feet for longer periods of
time.

Willow had already decided to enroll for just one
class in January.  A full course load might be too
much for right now.  Anya had suggested she could help
out at the magic shop until school started again.  It
would keep her moving and she'd still be able to rest
whenever possible.  Giles had agreed to the plan and
Willow was to start there today.

She rose from the couch when she heard the car pull
into her driveway.  Grabbing her cane she headed for
the door.  She was happy to know longer need the
crutch, even the cane she only needed when she was
going to be up for a long time.  She rarely used it
around the house anymore.  She headed out to the car
where Xander was waiting to drive her to the shop.

"Hey." He said as she got into the car.

"Hi." Willow responded smiling at her friend.

"You sure your ready for this?" Xander asked as his
friend winced as she pulled her leg into the car.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I can't stand being in the house
anymore." "Willow responded.

"Sure."
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Willow had been at the magic shop several hours before
she admitted to needing a break.  Buffy and Giles had
hovered over her most of the afternoon, trying to do
everything for her.  She knew they meant well but she
needed to do things for herself, that was the whole
point of working here.

"Will let me get that for you." Buffy said rushing
over to get a statue Willow needed for a customer.

"I can do it." Willow said becoming slightly annoyed.

"No its not a problem Will. I want to help."

"It's a problem for me Buffy.  I'm not helpless.  And
I don't want to be.  But if no one lets me do anything
I will end up helpless." Willow said angrily
retrieving the statue and heading back to the
customer.

After Anya had rang up the customer and had seen him
out Willow returned to where her friends were
standing.

"Willow we just want to help you.  We don't want you
to over do it." Giles explained.

"I know that.  I know you just want to help.  Problem
is I can't let myself depend on you to do everything
for me.  I have to learn to do things for myself.
Believe me it would be so easy to sit home and let all
of you care for me but I don't want to do that.  I
need to fight that urge.  Maybe working here wasn't a
good idea to much pressure for all of you."

"It is a good idea." Anya said. "Where else can you
work where they will allow you to stop when you need
to.  I think you need to give everyone time to adjust.
 And the rest of you need to back off a little, she's
not that fragile."

"Anya's right." Spike said coming through the door.
"This is the best place for her to start. But you need
to allow her to take care of herself."

"Thank you Spike.  So rarely does anyone agree with
me." Anya said smiling proudly.

"No problem.  Ready to go Red?" Spike asked.

"Sure." Willow said, "See you all tomorrow.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

"Willow you've come so far with walking." Spike said
proud of his friend. "Want to try something new?"

"Like what?" Willow said puzzled, "Don't think I'll be
running any marathons."

"Driving." He said, "Running might be pushing a little
I think."

"D-driving?"

"Yeah." Spike said, "Why not? Your parents said you
could use their car right?"

"Yeah but." Willow hesitated.

"Eventually you will have to drive again." Spike said.

"I know but now?" Willow asked.

"Why not?" Spike said at Willow's nervous look he
said, "Just think about and ask the therapist if its
safe okay."

"All right. I'll ask tomorrow." Willow said quietly.
 

Part Twelve

Willow was to start driving today.  She had talked to
the therapist as Spike had asked.  She saw no reason
why Willow couldn't start driving if she wanted, as
long as it was an automatic.  Spike had thought it
would be a good idea for her to start with Giles or
Xander so she could drive during the day.  Willow had
insisted that she would rather he be the one to help
her so he was going to pick her up as soon as the sun
set.

Willow walked out to the car still not sure she wanted
to do this.  She knew logically she had driven
hundreds of times without a problem, that one accident
shouldn't stop her from driving again.  Knowing that,
of course, didn't make her anymore happy about driving
tonight. Spike had promised they wouldn't go far and
no freeway unless she wanted to.

"Ready Red?" Spike said approaching her, "We should
probably use your parents car, more reliable than
mine."

"Sure what ever." Willow said distracted.

"You okay with this.  I don't want to make you do
something you don't want to do." Spike said turning
her to face him.

"I don't want to do it, but I have to Spike." Willow
replied meeting his gaze.  "If I don't want to depend
on everyone else all the time I have to do this. I
mean odds are against me being able to get around town
on foot or bicycle right?"

"True.  Lets go then." Spike said heading for the car.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Willow had driven slowly down her street, nervous but
dealing with it.  As she approached the intersection
she slowed to a stop at the red light. As the light
turned green Willow froze.  Her breathing became
ragged and sweat started forming on her forehead.

"Red?" Spike said looking at her when she didn't start
driving.

"Willow?" He said touching her shoulder.

"S-Spike I-I can't." Willow said gripping the wheel
tighter.

Spike watched as Willow's hands tightened around the
steering wheel.  He sighed, maybe this wasn't a good
idea.

"Want me to drive?" He asked softly.

"I think maybe." Willow began, "No.  I have to do
this."

"Willow you don't have."

"Yes I do.  Just give me a minute.  It's just an
intersection right.  No big." Willow said nervously.

"Fine.  Just take your time. Whenever you're ready."
Spike said.

Willow put the car in park and sat for a minute. She
needed to get a grip.  She could do this.  She had
done so much that she didn't believe she could do
again in the last few weeks crossing an intersection
shouldn't be such a big deal. Relaxing a little and
taking a deep breath she moved her hand down and put
the car back into drive.  Slowly moving her foot off
the brake and onto the gas as the light turned green
again. She crossed the intersection and finished
driving the rest of the way to the magic shop where
they were supposed to meet the others.

After pulling to a stop in front of the shop Willow
turned to face Spike.

"I did it." She said smiling at him.

"That you did." He said returning her smile.

"Spike I drove all the way here by myself." She said
hugging the vampire. "I couldn't have done it without
you."

"Sure you could have."

"No really.  Everyone else is so sure I need help
still." Willow said moving away from him. "You and
Anya are the only one's who don't act like that. And I
wouldn't have wanted Anya to help me drive again."
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Willow was sitting at the table with the others
researching the new evil that Buffy had found
patrolling.  She was still feeling an odd combination
of happiness and fear over her ride here.  The feeling
was making it hard to concentrate.

"So Will, Anya says your not using the cane anymore."
Xander said suddenly, still uncomfortable with the
fact that Spike and Anya knew more about his best
friend than he did right now.

"Yeah.  Oh and I drove here today." Willow said
smiling at her friends.

"Drove?" Buffy said looking up, "I thought Spike was
picking you up?"

"He did.  I mean he came to my house then I drove
here."

"You sure that's safe." Giles asked.

"Therapist said it was fine. And I made it here.  A
little problem at that first intersection but I did
it." Willow said excitedly.

"Problem Willow there wasn't another." Xander trailed
off at Anya's annoyed look.

"Obviously there wasn't another accident Xander." Anya
said, "God and you all think I'm the one with no
tact."

At that Spike could no longer hold his amusement.  He
started laughing out loud earning several dirty looks
from the others.

"What's so funny Spike?" Buffy asked.

"The lot of you." He responded. "Honestly never would
have thought the demon girl would be the one with the
most sense."

"Spike." Willow interrupted.

"Let him continue." Giles said quietly.

"Really you all spend so much time trying to protect
her you don't even consider that she can't get better
unless you let her do things.  The longer Willow goes
without trying to drive the longer her fear has to
build.  Now she's done it, so it'll be easier next
time. She'll be able to go further." Spike said.

"Willow are you."

"He's right.  I'm sorry guys but he is.  I have to
start doing these things.  Driving to day was hard and
scary but I had to do it.  It won't get less scary if
I avoid it.  We all know that running from scary
things doesn't help."

"If you're sure.  But Willow we would have taken you."
Xander said.

"I know you would have.  I also know when I had that
panic attack you would have moved me from the drivers
seat and driven here yourself.  That's why I didn't
want you to do this." Willow said gently.

"But." Buffy began.

"Don't want to talk about this anymore." Willow said.
"Did anyone notice no cane today at all.  I've been
walking without it at home for days now.  But today I
decided I didn't want it at all. And most importantly
I did it."

"Congratulations." Every replied still unsure about
how far she was pushing herself but wanting
desperately to support her.
 

Part Thirteen

Spike opened the door and walked into the quiet house.
 He had seen the car in the driveway so he knew Willow
was home.  He had tried to call a couple times today
and hadn't gotten an answer.  At first he thought she
was still out, today was what she had called doctor
day.  She had appointments with all three doctors this
morning.  Her family doctor to see if she could be
taken off the blood thinners now that she was walking
all the time.  Her rehabilitation doctor to check her
progress now that therapy had ended on Friday, and her
surgeon to check the healing of her broken bones.
When she wasn't home by late afternoon he began to
worry, he had tried the magic shop and Anya had said
they hadn't heard from her either.  So as soon as the
sun set he took off to her house.

"Willow." Spike said moving into the house.

No answer.  Did she fall again, Spike thought as he
moved further into house toward the living room.  He
stood quietly for a minute hoping to hear a reply from
her.  As he stood there he heard a sound coming from
the second floor.  It took a few seconds for him to
realize what he heard was crying.  He ran up the
stairs calling Willow's name, afraid that she had been
hurt again.

"Go away Spike." Willow said as he pushed her bedroom
door completely open.

"Not likely." Spike said, "What's wrong?"

"Just leave me alone okay.  I don't want to talk about
it." Willow said rolling over on her bed so her back
was facing him.

Taking a deep unneeded breath he moved to the bed and
sat down next to her.  Touching her shoulder lightly
he tried to turn her to face him, but she jerked away
from him.

"Just leave."

"No.  I've been calling all afternoon, what's wrong?"

"Spike please." She begged turning to face him.

"Red, nothing can be that bad." Spike began, "Well it
can, but seeing as your best friend is a slayer and
I'm the only vampire around right now. Oh wait I know
Xander did something to upset you, want me to kill
him?"

Willow turned her head to hide the small grin the
crossed her face.

"See if you're smiling it can't be that bad.  Just
tell me." Spike said gently, "Something happen at the
doctor?"

Willow sighed, obviously he wasn't going anywhere
until she told him.  She pulled herself up to a
sitting position.

"Know how I've been limping so much?" Willow began
waiting for Spike's nod to continue, "Well first I saw
that rehab doctor and he had said they could put some
kind of lift thing in my shoe to fix it. My right leg
is like two inches longer than my left now."

"Well that's good then? No more limp." Spike said not
sure what was causing the crying yet.

"Yeah I thought so too.  Then I went to the surgeon,
he said.The pain in my thigh it could be caused by the
pins they put in, and that could be causing the limp.
He wants to remove the pins." Willow said tears
forming in her eyes as she spoke.

"So they remove the pins, and you'll be fine again.
Not so bad."

"Yes it is bad. Spike he said I would probably be in
that damn chair full time again.  He doesn't even know
how long.  I can't go through that again.  I don't
want to be in that chair again ever." Willow said.

Spike sat holding Willow for a minute before he spoke
again.  He needed to get control of his temper before
he said anything.  A very big part of him wanted to
find that doctor and rip him apart for what he was
doing to this girl.
 

"Is this the same doctor that told you that you
couldn't walk again to begin with?" He finally asked.
At her slight nod he continued, "So what makes you
think he's right this time?"

"I don't know."  Willow said raising her head to look
at Spike.

"You won't be in that chair luv.  Not for long at
least.  Maybe no way around a few days but it doesn't
have to be long if you don't want it to be." Spike
said gently.

"You can't know that Spike."

"Who was right about walking, me or that doctor?"
Spike asked.

"You."

"See already I've got a better track record than he
does." Spike said, making her smile again.  "Have the
surgery Pet.  Rest for a couple days then we'll get
you walking again."

"'Kay. Actually was going to have it anyway.  I go to
the hospital next Monday.  It's supposed to take a
couple hours then Giles can bring me home." Willow
said hugging the vampire again.

"Feeling better." Spike asked, "No self pity next
time.  If your upset talk to me or one of your
friends."

"Promise." She said then, "Hungry?"

"Yeah.  Wanna order pizza?"

"Sure." Willow said moving to the phone to order,
before heading down stairs.
 

Part Fourteen

Spike had been right about the surgery.  She had been
too sore to walk for few days but by the time a week
had passed she was walking around unaided again.  The
doctor had been right too.  The pain in her thigh had
all but disappeared.  Over the following months the
limp and also all but disappeared.  It was still
there, at least she felt it was, but Buffy and Xander
insisted they didn't see it at all. Anya said it only
showed when she was tired.  In this case she had more
faith in Anya's assessment because Anya wasn't worried
about things like sparing her feelings.  But she could
live with a little limp. It meant she didn't have to
have that thing made for her shoe.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Willow walked into the magic shop after her class had
ended at the university.  She saw Anya and Giles
helping customers as she made her way to the large
table in the back of the store.  Xander was sitting at
the table moaning about the pain in his shoulder.  He
had hurt bruised his shoulder in a fight with a demon
the week before and had been carrying on about the
pain ever since. Buffy was seated next to him, mostly
ignoring his whining, while skimming through a large
book on demonology.

"Hey guys." Willow said approaching the table.

"Hi Will." Buffy said.

Xander raised his hand to wave, then grabbed his
shoulder and groaned.

"Shoulder still sore Xander?" Willow asked.

"No he's just being a baby." Anya said moving behind
Willow.

"No I'm not being a baby." Xander said glaring at
Anya. "You guys don't understand how horrible it is. I
can't do anything."

Willow stood and stared at her friend for a moment not
fully believing what he had just said.  As his words
sank into her mind she felt her face getting red.

"What don't I understand Xander? Because please
explain it to me.  Is it the pain I don't understand
because let me take a sledgehammer to your knee and
smash it into a million pieces then get back to me
about pain. Is it the feeling helpless I don't
understand? I spent months not able to use one whole
side of my body.  I couldn't even take a bath without
Buffy's help.  But I'm sure that bruised shoulder is
so much more limiting than casts on both an arm and a
leg." Willow yelled at her friend.

When Willow stopped yelling she noticed that all her
friends had slowly backed away from her.  Xander
remained seated his head down, realizing now how
unfeeling his statement had sounded.  Willow dropped
her bag on the table and moved  as quickly as she
could into the back room.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

"Willow can I." Xander said pushing the door open
slightly.

"What ever." Willow said turning her back to the door.

"I'm sorry.  I didn't think.  I." Xander said moving
around her to look at her. "You're crying."

"Yeah.  I'm crying, and your sorry."

"Willow I really am.  I would never say anything to
hurt you." Xander said kneeling in front of her.
"It's just you don't say a lot about the pain so."

"So what Xander it doesn't hurt?" Willow said,
"Because I don't whine and cry that means I don't have
pain.  The pains there all the time.  Especially since
I went back to school and help out here.  Some times
its so bad I go home and cry myself to sleep because
it hurts so much.  I hate that I can't wear dresses
anymore because I have that ugly scar from my thigh
halfway to my ankle and that my knee swells three
times the size of the other one.  I hate that I can't
wear anything but tennis shoes now.  I hate that I
can't patrol with you guys because if I fall I might
not be able to get back up again."

Willow turned away from Xander again, but this time
saw that while she had been talking the others had
slowly made their way into the room.  The three of
them were standing there looking at her with pity in
their eyes.  She saw Spike standing behind them
listening to her talking, she couldn't quite tell what
he was thinking.

"Willow you never said." Buffy said.

"No I haven't what good would it do? Would it make it
hurt less? No all it would do is cause the look I'm
getting from all of you right now. That's worse than
the pain. All of you looking at me like I'm different
because I'm not. I may move slower and can't run and
jump anymore but I haven't changed. I'm sorry I yelled
at you Xander.  I know you didn't mean it the way it
sounded but it still hurt so much I just couldn't
think."

"You don't need to apologize for anything Willow."
Xander said moving to hug her friend. "I'm the one who
didn't think.  Forgive me?"

"Forgive all of us?" Giles said.

"Not me." Anya said suddenly, "I didn't act stupid."

"Forgive everyone but Anya then?" Buffy asked moving
to join her friends in a hug.

"Of course.  I mean I couldn't really stay mad at all
of you anyway." Willow said returning the hug.

"Anyone want to go to the Bronze?" Xander asked,
"Celebrate no one being angry or stupid anymore?"

"Sure lets go."
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

"I still can't believe I yelled at them like that."
Willow said to Spike while the others were dancing.

"About bloody time you did." Spike replied.

"Spike!"

"What, I'm always in favor of putting the slayer and
Harris in their place." Spike answered. "Seriously
though, you spend so much time hiding the pain from
everyone else you haven't admitted to yourself until
today."

"So my yelling at Xander was part of healing?" Willow
asked.

"Yeah, I think it was.  You look happier today than
you have in months." Spike said smiling.

"Yeah I guess I feel better too. Not having to hide
from them is already making me feel better." Willow
said.

"Maybe you should yell at them more often?" Spike
suggested.

Willow smiled and pulled the vampire onto the dance
floor.  She really was feeling happier now that she
had gotten so much off her mind.  That and knowing
that her old friends were still there for her as well
as having gained a new one.

The end.

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