Pairing: W/T (W/S sort of)
Distribution: My site (http://magical_worlds.us/musings/), winter_spillow and my LJ (shannon730)
Disclaimer: They all belong to Joss Whedon, ME, UPN, FOX, WB.
Summary: Willow wants to make sure Tara’s soul is in heaven.
Spoilers: Up to early season 7 (around the time Willow returns to Sunnydale)
Author’s Notes: This is mostly AU from Grave on. Some parts of Season 7 will have happened (early episodes only) and most of that will be mentioned if it really matters.
And a huge thanks to Gabrielle for beta-ing this for me.
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Willow opened her eyes and looked around her; she hadn't known what to expect and what she saw certainly wasn't it. She was in a garden, there were flowers everywhere, and looking out into the distance, she could see a long wall of shrubs. She knew the spell was supposed to take her inside Spike's mind, to his soul. That was what she had done first. She had a second spell to try if she didn't find Tara, but she had decided to assume her first spell, and Spike's ramblings, were right and that Tara was here. Shaking her head, she started to follow the small path in front of her. She didn't see Tara, or Spike, well, William, either, for that matter.
"Who would've thought Spike's mind would be filled with flowers?" Willow mumbled to herself as she reached out to touch a bunch of daisies next to her.
"I wanted the flowers," Willow turned at the sound of the familiar voice behind her, "Although the trees and shrubs were already here. The labyrinth too."
"T-Tara?" Willow asked quietly, when she saw the woman standing a few feet behind her.
"Of course," Tara smiled, "I was who you were looking for, right?"
*****
Spike smiled, Willow had found her. He could hear what they were saying. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to, sometimes he couldn’t hear Tara, but he was never sure if he couldn't hear her because she didn't want to be heard or if she just didn't have anything to say. He did wish she hadn't told Willow that the garden had been his. It made him look soft. He was a vampire, he was the big bad.
"Did it work?" Anya whispered.
Spike nodded slowly, if the demon-girl didn't shut up she was going to ruin this. "Tara's going to fix everything."
*****
"Tara I..." Willow ran back down the path and wrapped her arms around the other girl, kissing her softly, "I never...God, I've missed you."
"I've missed you too, but you have to let go," Tara replied pulling away slightly. "I'm gone, Will, a-and I can't come back, not really."
"Does that mean that you aren't...?” Willow frowned, "You asked if I was looking for you, is that the only reason you're here?"
"No, I mean, if you hadn't come looking you wouldn't have found me. But I'm really here; Spike wanted a soul, and he got me," Tara smiled softly, and took Willow's hand leading her further down the path, "We need to talk."
Willow let Tara lead her to the end of the path, or at least to where it met the wall of shrubs she had seen earlier. She now saw that it had an opening, off to one side, but Tara led her away from it to a bench a few feet away. "So much has happened and I didn't get to say good-bye, not really, and..."
"Shh," Tara said, eyes filling with tears, "I know what happened, I heard it all when Spike came back to Sunnydale. I was so worried about you, and Spike couldn't go to Buffy, so we only heard the rumors from the demons and... God, Will, if Giles hadn't..."
"I know," Willow wiped a tear from Tara's cheek, "It hurt so bad, I finally had you back, and then Warren, and I couldn't... I just wanted it all to end."
"I know," Tara whispered, "I mean I don't… not really. Willow, you tried to end the world, you almost killed Giles."
"I know and..." Willow wiped tears from her own face this time, "I don't know how he forgave me for that or Buffy or Dawn or... They let me come back."
"They love you," Tara offered, "You could never do anything to change that."
"I tried to kill them, Tara," Willow sighed, "It’s not like I just broke Dawn's arm again, I wanted to drain her for all the mystical energy she was made from."
"I know, and that’s how much they love you, Will," Tara insisted gently, "They let you come back, they want to help you. Let them help you."
"I can, now that I know you're here."
"No," Tara stood and moved away, putting distance between them, "You can't come here anymore, Willow."
"Why? The spell was easy and the coven said I shouldn't completely give up magic."
"And they were right, you shouldn't," Tara admitted, "I never should've asked you to, if I hadn't you may not have... I was wrong."
"Then why can't I see you anymore."
"It’s not good for you," Tara said softly, "You will never really move on, see what’s right in front of you, if you keep coming back here."
"What's right in front of me?" Willow asked angrily, "A lifetime alone, with my friends looking at me like I may try to kill them all in their sleep if they piss me off? A life of people running for cover every time I do a simple spell?"
"That'll change in time, and you know it, Willow," Tara argued, "You have to give them time to trust you again. But that's not what I was talking about. You don't have to be alone; you just have to accept someone into your life. Or well, into a different part of your life, you have to learn to see him like you used to, before you met me."
"What are you...?” Willow stopped and stared at Tara as the realization of what she was saying sunk in, "Spike?"
Tara nodded, "He loves you, and he wants nothing more than for you to accept that."
"No," Willow shook her head, "No, he doesn't, it’s you, you're making him think..."
"I'm not," Tara insisted, "I wouldn't do that, you know I wouldn't. It may be stronger now, because of me but it is there. I can see his mind, his heart, Willow. You have been in it for a long time.
"Tara, I don't love Spike," Willow insisted, "I love you and... He knows I'm gay, why does he insist..."
"Knowing doesn't change the way he feels," Tara said gently sitting next to Willow again, "You know I'm dead but that hasn't changed how you feel."
"I know, but," Willow sighed, "What am I supposed to do, I can't love him."
"Why can't you?" Tara asked.
"You sound like Anya now."
"Don't decide that you can't love him without giving it serious thought," Tara continued, ignoring the interruption, "Are you absolutely sure there is no way you can love him?"
"He's a guy," Willow pointed out, "A-and a vampire. He's a vampire guy."
"Is the problem that he's a vampire or that he's a guy, Will?" Tara asked, "Because if it’s because he's male, don't make this decision yet. You loved both Oz and Xander before you met me. You told me you had a crush on Giles in high school and Spike too... after Oz left. I'm not saying you have to love him, but don't decide by looking at the gender, look at the person. You were sure you were straight when you met me, if you had only looked at me as a woman then we never..."
"But the vampire thing," Willow interjected.
"If the vampire part is stopping you, then tell him the truth," Tara said, "Be honest with him, don't try to make it work if his demon bothers you that much. He doesn't deserve that. Just be sure, okay?"
"I'll try, but this all means that Spike isn't..."
"Crazy?" Tara smiled, "No. Or at least no more than he was before. You have to go back now, Willow."
"Why, I want to stay and it’s been so long and..."
"You can't," Tara insisted, "You have to go back; it’s not good for you to be here. You have your answers now. Just think about what I've said."
"Tara," Willow reached for her, as she stood up to leave, "I love you."
"I love you too, Will," Tara said, kissing her good-bye before walking into the labyrinth and leaving Willow alone.
"Bye," Willow said softly watching her disappear around a corner.
*****
Spike smiled at Willow when she opened her eyes. "Did you find her?"
"Yeah, Spike," Willow admitted, "I did. She told me everything."
"So you understand now, that I do love you?"
Willow nodded, "I do, but... Spike, I need to think okay? Will you be all right here tonight? We'll talk tomorrow, after I've had some time."
"I can wait," Spike agreed.
"Are we going back to Buffy's now?" Anya asked.
"Yes," Willow sighed, "I really need to rest and think."
Spike watched the two women gather their things and leave the house. Tara had done what she promised. He had heard everything they said. Willow would learn to love him, she would see past the demon. He headed up the stairs to the guest room Willow had given him. He could sleep now, she knew he wasn't crazy.
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