My ramblings: I just felt like doing this. It's an
experiment using love quotes. Forgive me if it sucks.
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"But that’s the part that’s so unfair. I have nothing
else on my mind. How come I have to be the one sitting
around analyzing him in, like, microscopic detail, and
he gets to be the one with other things on his mind?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Willow sat in front of her desk, in her own house, in
her room, doodling in her notebook while Buffy was
downstairs making popcorn. She started wondering about
her life. To be more exact, her love life.
[Let's start from Xander.]
She wrote Xander's name down, in her book. Xander, the
boy she's been in love since the day she met him. All
throughout middle school, and then high school. He had
been completely oblivious to her. It broke her heart
on the day she found out that he was going with
Cordelia Chase. It was followed by the brief affair
with him.
[Oz.]
Oz was her first real boyfriend. He was the sweetest
guy she ever knew. Most of all, he understood her
perfectly. He cared for her and loved her. Yet, she
kissed Xander. Although, he forgave her, things
between them were never quite the same again. Then,
she found him with the wolf-girl, Veruca. Followed by
which he left and never came back.
[Angel.]
The dark-hair vampire had always been her friend. Even
though he left for LA without a word and then came
back twice, she never really got to talk to him. He
was always so afraid of hurting people, or of himself.
So she had been pleasantly surprised when he had
e-mailed her. They had built up a tentative friendship
through e-mails and phone-calls. He was her confidant.
And in return, he only wanted her friendship.
[Spike.]
The gorgeous, blue-eyed, sexy vampire that she had
developed feelings. It was quite impossible that he
would ever feel the same for her. [I mean he is * only
* sexier than Ricky Martin; girls would only * kill *
to have him. Why on earth would he want * me *. Mousy,
little net girl with close to zero sex experience. I
bet he had sex with millions of girls. I wonder if
he's that good in……Bad Willow. I need to wash my brain
with soap.]
She felt so inadequate as a beautiful and confident
girl, like Buffy; even Drusilla, though a bit insane
but was much more elegant. Willow looked down on her
notebook, startled to see Spike's name written all
over the pages, with small little hearts dotting the
letter " i ".
The running footsteps interrupted her thoughts. She
quickly closed her notebook and stuffed it into the
drawer. "Willow! Popcorn's here. Look, I brought
Riley's letter. He said that he may be coming back
soon." Buffy burst through the door, waving a piece of
paper in one hand and carrying the bowl of popcorn in
the other.
As Buffy went on about the letter, Willow went back to
thinking about Spike. [I wonder when I realized that I
like him, more than just a friend. The fact that he's
the only one who makes me breathless.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If only I could stay asleep, at least I could pretend
you’re thinking of me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike was walking in the sun again. He could feel the
gentle breeze, could see the beautiful blue sky. It
was peaceful and quiet. It had been a while since he
was here, in this dream world of his. He lay down on
the green, green grass and closed his eyes, hoping he
will not wake up so soon.
Spike waited patiently for his dream world Willow to
show up.
There she was, walking through the trees and towards
him. "Spike. Have you been waiting for a long time?"
" No, just arrived, pet. So what do you want to do
today? "
"Um……how about a picnic?" She waved her hand over a
patch of grass and a basket appeared. She took out a
blue, checked cloth and spread it over the grass,
followed by the various assortment of food.
Spike simply gazed at her. She was as beautiful as he
had imagined in the sun, her hair a myriad of shades
of red. Her skin was close to glowing as she basked in
the sun's rays, her cheek flushed as her jade-green
eyes sparkled with joy.
Suddenly, she blushed as she looked at him shyly. "Do
you…um…think about me when you're alone and I mean in
a romantic way, not a friendly way. Although I don't
mind if you only think about me in a non-romantic way
but I would like it to be in a romantic way. So, do
you?"
Spike laughed, stopping at her hurt look. "Red, I
think about you all the time. How about……how about
you? Do you……uh…..think about me too?"
Willow gave him a brilliant smile. "I think about you
too. I ………"
DING!
Spike woke up suddenly on the couch as the microwave
beeped. He had fallen asleep while waiting for his
blood to heat up. Cursing the damn microwave oven, he
tried to ignore the protests of his hunger and go back
to dreamland.
He lay back on the couch. It lasted for a whole of
five minutes before he gave up trying to sleep. Spike
got up from the couch, growling with anger at the
microwave. He took the container out and poured some
into his cup. As he drank the awful-tasting blood, he
thought about his dream. If only it was real.
Spike gave a short snort. [Like that will happen.
Willow thinking about me. Right.] Yet, he was unable
to squash the little flare of hope.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I see him, but he sees past me. I look in his eyes,
but he looks around me. Does he know what I see when
he stares through me? I see him, and I can't help
watching him...not watching me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike had not looked at her once since she entered
Giles' apartment. The whole gang was there to do
research on a prophecy that had Giles' panicking. But
then, Giles always worried about stuff like that.
Willow continued staring at the blond vampire, willing
him to just look at her once. Her prayers were answer
when Spike looked up from the old book and straight at
her. Willow was about to give him a small smile when
Buffy who was sitting behind her snapped at him.
"What are you staring at?"
"Nothing. I'm just wondering how farm-boy found you
gorgeous."
"Maybe because he has taste in women, unlike you."
"Bloody hell, Slayer, that was so low of you. I am so
scared."
Spike quibbled with Buffy again, totally ignoring
Willow. Her shoulders drooped with disappointment.
[See, Willow. I told you a million times. Spike will
never look at you.] Despite her own warnings to
herself, Willow could not help watching Spike, not
noticing her.
Spike tried to distract himself from staring at Willow
by picking an argument with Slutty. It worked until
Giles told them to keep quiet or he will send them
both out to patrol. Then Spike resumed the
sneaking-looks-at-Willow routine. He had gotten so
good at doing it, he no longer got caught by Willow.
He really was becoming a wanker like Peaches. It was
horrible. [Imagine, me the big bad. Now the big
softie. Bugger.] and that was not the worse part. He
actually * liked * being soft. [if only Peaches could
see me now, he would have a field-day.]
"Uh, Giles. I found the translation of the prophecy.
So you want the good news first or the bad news."
Xander snickered to himself.
"Well, I suppose we could have the good news first."
"The good news is that this prophecy has no direct
relation to Buffy at all. The bad news is that it will
not be fulfilled until 600 years later, G-man." Xander
burst out laughing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<b>"Sometimes, I wish I had never met you because,
then, I could go to sleep not knowing that there was
someone out there like you." </b>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
" I…..uh…..can't believe that Giles was worked up over
nothing." Willow was running out of things to say to
Spike who had been saddled with the task of escorting
her home while the others went partying at the Bronze.
So far, Spike seemed to be practicing Angel's cryptic
act.
"Yeah."
"The stars are very nice today."
"Yeah."
"Buffy would kill to have your leather duster." Willow
blurted out, hoping to get anything more than a "yeah"
from him.
"Yeah."
"Spike? Can you say anything else?"
"Yeah." Then he gave her a soft smile that sent her
heart going haywire. " I used to do that to my Dru. It
would drive her crazy, trying to get more than a word
out of me. I miss it."
"Oh" A bout of sadness brought her heartbeat back to
normal. [Right, when he's with me, he thinks of
Drusilla.]
"What? Don't you miss wolf-boy sometimes?" Spike
questioned her, sensing her sadness when he mentioned
Dru. [Maybe, just maybe she feels something for me
too……]
She didn't say anything until they reached her
door-step. When she did, the words re-opened the wound
Dru left in his heart. "I do miss Oz too. He was my
first real boyfriend. I don’t think I will ever forget
him but……" The front door opened suddenly.
Willow's mum was standing in the doorway. "Willow?
You're home. Good, we came back to take some documents
that your father left." Willow turned around to
introduce Spike to her but there was no one behind
her. "We have to go now. So be careful okay." With
that, her parents pushed her into the house, shut the
door and drove off in their car.
Willow hardly had enough time to fully digest what
happened. She knew she probably have another sleepless
night, tossing and turning in bed, wondering all the "
what ifs ". But she did know that she didn't finish
talking to Spike. She whispered to herself what she
would have said if she had the courage.
"I do miss Oz too. He was my first real boyfriend. I
don’t think I will ever forget him but I need to move
on. I've fallen in love with you."
***************************************************
[I knew it; she still misses that wolf of hers. How
bloody stupid and soft can you get, mate.] Spike
growled as he kicked a drink-can.
[All because of a couple of frickin' dreams and you
turn into a pillock. Use your brains. That's what
they're there for.] Spike kicked a stone next.
[Besides, even if there was no one, she could never
like me. I'm a demon.]
Spike scowled at his thoughts. He wondered why it
mattered to him so much. It's none of his concern if
she still loved the wolf; or that she probably never
thought of him. He didn't have feelings for her. Heck,
he didn't even love her. Right?
[Bugger, I don't think I can sleep when I get back.
Bloody hell.]
*******************************************
That night, two people lay awake in their beds,
thinking about……..love.