Disclaimer: All that I own is the plot to this story. Everything else belongs to the usual suspects.
Summary: Everything is hectic in the Summers’ home. Willow goes to
the basement and talks to Spike.
Spoilers: Set in season 7, so anything up to then.
Distribution: As long as I know where it will be, I don't mind
people using my work.
Feedback: yes please! E-mail me at darknessandblood@yahoo.co.uk
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Willow watched as the very last potential went to bed. She was finally
alone. Buffy and Xander had gone out on patrol, and they wouldn't even
be back for another hour or so. She smiled to herself, and closed her eyes,
enjoying the peace. Everything was so hectic lately, that she had forgotten
how nice the quiet was.
She walked out of the living room, switching off all the lights, and
made her way to the kitchen. The potentials had had a feast before heading
off to bed, so the kitchen wasn’t at its cleanest. As usual, Willow was
left to tidy up after everyone.
She looked around and sighed. The sink was full of dirty dishes and
there were empty food packets all over the floor.
“Do they really need to make this much mess?” she said to herself, frowning.
She walked over to the kitchen sink, and went to grab the washing up liquid bottle. It was empty.
“Great!”
She grumbled a little, as she made her way to the basement. She always
became angry when the potentials made a mess and didn’t clear up after
themselves. Was it really that hard to put your rubbish in the bin, or
clean a few dishes?
Spike sat on his bed in the basement, listening, as the last couple of potentials went to bed. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall.
“God, finally!”
He couldn't stand the constant footsteps above him. It irritated him.
Don’t they know what ‘being quiet’ means? But now, it was finally quiet.
Except for one person. He could still hear somebody walking around
in the kitchen. The footsteps were quiet, but grew louder as they came
closer to the basement door.
“Oh great, what now?” he said quietly, with a little frustration.
The basement door opened, and Willow walked in.
Spike sat forward, watching Willow make her way down the stairs. It
was nice to see somebody other than Buffy entering the basement.
Willow walked down the stairs, and noticed that Spike was still awake.
He was sat up watching her. Spike didn't scare her. He didn't even
make her feel uncomfortable. She just got the feeling that he would rather
not talk to anybody other than Buffy.
"Don't worry. I'm not here to talk your ear off or anything. I just came to get some stuff to clean the kitchen with" she told him.
She knew Spike didn't like her, so she didn't want to out stay her welcome.
She quickly went to the corner of the room, and picked up a box of supplies.
Spike stayed silent, watching her. Why was she so eager to leave?
He watched her make her way back to the stairs. She turned back to
him, and smiled to say goodbye.
"Don't you want to stay?" he asked
She turned to face him. He shrugged one shoulder.
"I could do with a bit of company" he said, flatly
Willow tightened her grip on the box to stop it from slipping out of her hands.
"Um...well, Buffy will be back soon. I, I could tell her to come down…if you want."
Spike stared at her. Great! They all think Buffy’s his best friend. Everybody will be making them matching bracelets next.
"I'm sick of talking to Buffy. She's the only person I’ve seen these past few weeks." he told her.
Willow looked up at the kitchen, then back down to Spike. She understood
that he must be a little lonely down in the basement, but why did he want
*her* to stay?
He looked away, and shrugged again.
"You can go, if you want"
Willow looked at him. He was miserable lately. So much had happened
in these past few weeks. It must be catching up on him.
She looked around, and smiled.
"It's ok. I'll stay" she said, softly.
She put her box down, and walked slowly to the middle of the room to face Spike.
"I just thought...you know, you wouldn't really want me being here" she finished.
Spike looked at her
"I asked you to stay didn't I?"
Willow nodded her head slowly. Spike looked away again. She studied him. She couldn't believe how different he looked compared to how he used to a year ago. The soul, she guessed. She walked closer to him.
"Are you ok Spike? I mean...as ok as you can be, anyway" she asked.
A chip, a soul, the First is even after him. It must be hard!
Spike chuckled.
"Just peachy Red" he looked up to her
Willow nodded her head. Ok, so maybe that was a stupid question.
"I just meant...I mean...it's got to be hard for you. I don't think anybody really knows what you're going through"
Spike shrugged a shoulder. Damn right they don’t.
"Nobody cares pet. Surely *you* must know that"
Willow looked at him, confused.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Just a few months ago, you were grieving. Went through hell. Even tried to cause it. You're still trying to deal right?"
Willow frowned, and walked even closer to him.
"Of course I am. It's not something you can just forget about"
"Exactly. How many times have they asked you to use your magic recently though?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
Willow looked away, thinking. She’d been asked to use magic too many times. She knew it, but she just didn’t want to think about it. Her friends still cared about her…right?
"They don't care about people like us love. We have a problem; we deal with it by ourselves. They forget about what we go through. Come to us when they need us" he finished.
They stared at each other in silence for a while. Willow shook her head slowly, and went to sit down next to him.
"I guess we deal alone then" she said, as they both looked at each other once more.
Spike nodded his head, and leaned back against the wall behind him. They sat in silence for a moment. Spike turned to face her. She looked miserable now. So now he’s messing with people’s minds?
“So why are you planning on cleaning at this time of night? Don’t you want to go to bed? Get your beauty sleep?” He asked, trying to lighten the atmosphere.
Willow shrugged and brought her legs up onto the bed, to cross them.
“Not tired. Besides, I thought I should wait up until Buffy and Xander got back”
Spike nodded his head again. Willow bit her lip and looked up at him.
“Spike, can I ask you something?”
“Ask me what you like Red.” He answered, looking at her.
She sat up straighter, getting herself ready to ask. She knew he probably wouldn’t like the question, but she wanted to know.
“Well, um…I was just wondering…I wanted to know if…well…”
“Spit it out Willow!” he cut in, raising an eyebrow.
She started fidgeting.
“If you knew how…would you ever get rid of your soul?” she finally spoke.
Spike was shocked at her question. He didn’t think anybody ever thought about him getting rid of his soul. He looked away, thinking.
“You don’t have to answer. I was just wondering” Willow said quickly.
There was silence for a few moments. Willow didn’t know what to say. She wanted to change the subject.
“Getting the soul was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made” he finally answered.
Willow stared at him. She wasn’t expecting that kind of answer. He got his soul for Buffy. He still loves her, so why was it a mistake?
“This may be another stupid question, but why was it a mistake? I thought you wanted your soul back”
Spike scoffed.
“You’re right. Stupid question”
He glanced up at her, then looked into a space behind her.
“I did want my soul back. For Buffy. I thought it would change the feelings she has about me. Make her love me”
Willow stayed silent, listening.
“I’ve realised something though. It took a soul and a really crappy year, but I know now” he continued.
“You know what?” she asked
“That you can never change yourself. You’ll always be the same. I got a chip, and a soul. I thought I’d be a good man.”
He chuckled to himself.
“But those things are just covering up the person that I really am. A vampire. Evil. That’s who I’ll always be. And Buffy knows it. That’s why she could never love me.” He finished.
He shook his head slowly. Willow looked to the floor. She understood what he meant.
“I think I know what you mean” she told him.
“When I went wacko with my magic, everything seemed to fall into place. I didn’t care about anything or anyone. I didn’t want to care. I destroyed so many things. I killed Warren. I hurt my friends…I wanted to end the world”
She stopped to think. Spike looked up to her listening.
“I felt the magic’s eating me up inside. Taking over. I felt the evil it caused. And I enjoyed it. I wanted it. I still do. But there will always be things stopping me from having it again. My friends…Tara…” she looked up to him.
“My soul” she finished”
They stared at each other for a while.
“I guess we’re both doomed to be miserable for the rest of our lives then” Spike told her
He sighed. Willow kept looking at him.
“I guess so…but I don’t have to live with it for an eternity. I’m just human. Eventually…I’ll die…and I’ll be free”
Willow felt a lump in her throat, which she thought was funny. She’d
never talked about her feelings to anybody. But here she was, gushing them
out, to Spike, of all people.
They were yet again silent. Spike looked to the floor as he spoke.
“If I knew how…I would” he told her.
Willow was confused at first, but then she got it. He was answering
her question. He wants to get rid of his soul. He doesn’t want to live
an eternity with the pain he’s feeling. She felt sorry for him.
He looked up at her.
“You know Spike…If I knew how to do it…I would” she told him, sympathetically.
Spike nodded.
“I know”
She smiled then stood up. She walked over to her box, and picked it up.
“I’d better get cleaned up before Buffy and Xander get back”
He nodded again, and she started to walk up the stairs. When she got to the door, she stopped, and looked back.
“Spike?”
He looked up at her.
“Yeah?” he asked
“You will be free” she said, before shutting the door behind her.
Spike sighed, and closed his eyes.
THE END