*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
**Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong and carry on,

'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven.**

Spike stared at the slab of grey stone, bloody tears running down his cheeks.
He watched as the last of the friends and family walked away.  He had missed
the ceremony because of the daylight barrier, and could only be here just
now.  The newly turned earth smelled rich and musty.  Under that, however,
buried six feet under, he could smell the sweet, lilac-sweet smell that was
uniquely hers.

//  "Willow, love, will you stop making yourself more beautiful than you
already are and just come out here?"

They were about to go to dinner, and leave it to the blasted chit to take up
precious time in the bathroom getting beautiful.  Why if she didn't come out
the bleedin' door in 5 seconds he'd bloody well!

His train of thought was stopped by the opening of a door.  At first all he
saw was the long, beautiful red hair that was cascading down bare, white
shoulders.  He then looked into her shining green eyes that were lightly
shimmered on top with silver.  If he could breathe his breath would have
caught at the vision below.  She had on a sundress that wasn't too tight, but
showed off all the right curves.  It was light green, and went to a little
above the knees, showing off beautiful legs.

"Luv, I don't think we can go out tonight," he said softly.

She looked at him with question in her eyes.  "Well why not?"

"Because I don't trust the other chaps to keep their hands off a goddess like
yourself."

She just smiled at him.  "No worries there.  They'll get one look of the Big
Bad and realize that there's no use."

Spike smiled smugly, "I do have a feral look to me, don't I?"

"You might even pass for evil," she said with a giggle.

"Damn straight,  Now let's go eat.  You must be starving.  You did, after
all, spend about 20 years in the damn bathroom."  Spike then looked over to
see Willow glaring at him.  "But entirely worth it.  Yessir."  //

Spike now thought of how silly all their fights had been, with the exception
of one.  'How stupid I must have been,' he thought to himself.  She was a
goddess.  If anything, she should have gotten rid of me before it was too
late.'

//  Willow sat in her favorite chair, reading an worn copy of To Kill a
Mockingbird.  She never could deny a good, classic story.  Suddenly, she
looked at the clock.  It was close to 2 a.m.  'My,' she thought, 'How living
with a vampire can change your sleeping patterns.'  She smiled softly in
recalling her love.  'Speaking of that blonde, where is he?  It'll be light
soon.'

She went to the phone to see if anyone had called.  She liked to turn off the
ringer while she was reading, so there were no distractions. "You have no new
messages." was the answer she received from the monotone voice.  She began to
worry.  'Okay, just because he always calls if he's going to be this late
doesn't mean I should panic.  I'm sure he's just fine. What should I do?
Call Buffy.  She'll at least distract me.'

She picked up the phone and hit the speed dial.  "Hello?"

"Hey, Buffy it's Willow."

"Wills, thank goodness.  I was just about to call you."

"Why?  Is there something wrong?" 'Please don't be Spike, please don't be
Spike!'

"That loony bitch Drusilla is back."

Willow felt her stomach drop.  "What?"

"Yeah, it seems she got tired of her little vengeance demon and decided to
'Get her family back.'  Has Spike had any contact with her?"

"S-spike's not here.  He hasn't been home all night.  Oh, god, Buffy."

There was a slight pause on the other end of the phone.  "Willow, we'll find
him.  Hey, he might not even need finding.  But don't worry.  Do you want to
come over here?"

"No, I should stay here in case he comes back."

"Alright, Wills.  Don't worry.  And get some sleep."

"Okay Buffy.  Good luck."

Willow hung up the phone and resumed her place in her chair.  She just sat
staring at the wall, not moving, just thinking.  'It's going to be okay,
It'll be just fine,' she chanted to herself.  She slowly drifted off into a
dreamless sleep.
 

Around 5 she heard a shuffling against the door.  She awoke from her haze and
opened it up.  Out on the front step stood a crying Spike.  She was overcome
with relief and quickly pulled him up and into the house.  "Spike I was so
worried!  You know, Drusilla's back in town and I was so sure she had taken
you and!" She paused her ramblings to look at him.  "Spike what's wrong?"

'Oh, luv,' he thought.  'Leave me out on the steps to die.  I'm better
ashes than man.'
"Spike," she asked again, this time with a little more urgency, "What's
wrong?  Where were you?  Why are you crying?"

Spike looked into her beautiful green eyes and knew he could not lie to her.
She deserved the truth.

"Luv, I only went out for a drink.  I was at Willy's, sitting nice and quiet
when she came up behind me.  She started talking about 'rejoining the
family' or something, and then she started shivering.  You see, she used to
have these little spells where she'd start shaking and crying, especially
when she got real upset.  I just held for a minute, I swear.  She then tells
me she needs me to carry her home, and I wanted to make sure she'd be
alright."  Spike paused for a moment to look at her again, and continued his
story.  "Well I carried her home and next thing she's grabbing me and telling
me how she's sorry, and how we'll be together for eternity.  She even said
that the little tree I loved didn't need me, and that you had been with
Xander, and you didn't love me! that you didn't want me, and I guess I
believed her.  She has those visions, and I thought she was honest.  She, we,
I! slept with her.  I'm so sorry, luv."

But Willow didn't hear his apology.  She just felt numb all over.  'Here I
was, worried he'd be killed.  Instead he's out fucking the dead and insane.'
 And that's when the pain hit her like a wave.  She leaned over and let out a
great sob.  She remained on the floor, sobbing with her head in her lap until
she felt so tired and weak.  She looked over at Spike, who was sitting in a
dark corner, fresh tears around his eyes.

"I'm so sorry luv.  I didn't realize until! after how little I cared about
her.  She's nothing to me luv.  When I thought of the pain I would cause you,
I was ready to stake myself.  But I knew you had to know.  I'm not askin you
to forgive me.  I wouldn't do that to you.  But I do want you to know that I
love you more than anything I may have loved in the past.  You are
everything."

She stood up on surprisingly sturdy legs and stared at him straight in the
eyes, "Spike, if I ever see you again, I'll kill you myself.  I'm going to
Buffy's.  By the time I return this evening you'd better be gone, or Buffy
will personally stake your ass.  Goodbye."

She turned and slammed the door, leaving Spike to think about everything he
had just lost. //

I'm so sorry love.  I never understood just how much you loved me. I guess I
found out too late.
 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I've never seen Spike so upset.  He's taking her death awfully hard isn't
he?  It's been nearly 4 months and he still hardly eats, and never sleeps.
I'm almost worried about him."

"He loved her, Cordy."

"Well that sure explains why he went out and screwed his sire."

"He was nervous.  Feeling such strong feelings, and with a mortal, must have
been very confusing for him."

"I don't understand him sometimes.  He goes and breaks her heart, and then
kills the woman he broke it for."

"I know it's odd Cordy, but I don't believe he ever intended to hurt Willow.
 In fact the only thing he wanted was for her to love him.  And she did, with
all her heart.  Unfortunately, he saw that a bit too late.  I think his sire
draining his beloved just sent him over the deep end."

Cordelia sighed.  "It's very romantic in a tragic sort of way.  Like a Romeo
and Juliet gone all wrong and demony."

Angel sighed right after her.  "Well Cordelia, in Romeo and Juliet, there
were feuding families.  In this love story, there was only conflicting
emotions.  But it is tragically romantic.  I only hope Spike can find some
kind of redemption in helping others."

They both shrugged and turned back to looking through their files to find
information on the newest problem in LA.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Spike looked out the window, taking in the full moon and beautiful array of
stars.  He would often come out the middle of nowhere desert to gaze at the
stars.

**Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please.**

"How are you today, Willow?  Do you still recognize this old face?  I know
it's been a couple of days.  I've been busy, helping Angel.  The poofster
took me in, as you know, and he thinks I'm helping to pay him back.  Truth of
the matter luv, I've got nowhere else to go.  I'm so used to hearing your
tinkling voice that the silence would probably drive me nuttier than Dru.  I
need your voice again.  Just for a moment.  I need to see you again.  To hold
your hand.  I need you.  Please, Willow.  Just come back."  He bowed his head
and let a tear escape the barrier of his eyelids.

**Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day,
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven.**

When he looked up, all he saw was the rising sun.  A moment of panic ran
through him, but he soon realized he wasn't dust.  He looked around him and
saw a familiar form standing in a beam of light.  She was wearing the green
dress, her hair down and shimmering, looking almost like fire.  She stepped
towards him, and took his hand.  "Hello Spike."

"Willow?"

"Every person who has once lived gets a goodbye.  Just one.  You get to take
them here to heaven, and tell them again how much you loved them.  And that's
what I brought you here for, Spike.  Because I do love you."

Spike just stood there and thanked whatever god had been listening with all
his heart.  He then pulled her close and breathed in the scent of lilac one
last time.  He pulled back to stare into her face.  She was crying, but
smiling too.

"Spike, I! I forgave you from the moment you told me you loved me.  I was
just so scared to let you back in! It was all so confusing."

"Luv, you don't have to explain a thing.  It was all my fault, I-. "  He
couldn't finish his sentence, he just began crying.

She just leaned over and kissed him gently.  "Hey now, there's no tears in
heaven.  There's only peace, and love.  Our love.  And our love was nothing
to cry about."

"Is, pet.  Our love is nothing to cry about.  You're right.  No more tears.
Just love."

They held each other, deriving comfort from the other's presence.  They all
too quickly saw a door open behind them.  Willow looked back at it, and
turned back to Spike. "I guess it's my time to go back.  Don't forget me
Spike."

"No, Willow, I just got you back!"

"Shh, love.  I'll always be here in heaven."

"Well then let me stay with you!  I can't leave you!"

"You don't belong up here Spike.  You have a long way's to go.  I'll be
waiting for you."  She then kissed his cheek lightly and turned and walked to
the door.  She turned back right before they closed, unshed tears glistening
in her eyes.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When Spike re awoke, he found himself on his back in the middle of the
desert.  He sat up and heard his cell phone ringing in his car.  He jumped up
and flipped it open in mid-ring.

"What the bleedin hell do you want?"

"Well that's not a polite way to answer the phone.  But it sure sounds like
you're feeling better Spike.  The desert air do ya good?"

"You could say that, Peaches.  Anyway, what's up?"

"Cordelia's had a vision.  I need you home ASAP."

"Alright.  Be there in about 15 minutes."

Spike closed his phone and went to go sit in his spot again.  He settled
himself back and stared at the sky.  The stars were shining a little brighter
than before.

"Goodnight Willow" he whispered.
 

**Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven.**

~~~~~THE END~~~~~

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