~Part: One~ Turning Points

"What in the bloody hell am I doing here. I could care less if the damned demon is killing the kiddies." Spike was muttering under his breath. He’d
been desperate. He was out of cash and his blood supply was running low. So he’d asked if he could do anything for the slayer and her little group.
He didn’t know he’d end up patrolling with the boy.

"I heard that Spike, you know perfectly well, what you’re doing here. Buffy’s paying your pathetic self. She'd probably stake you and she doesn't
trust you alone with Willow, hence you patrol with me, now come on." Xander enjoyed taunting the vampire, now that Spike couldn’t hurt him.

"Why couldn’t I go by myself, I’d be more efficient without you, tagging along." Spike would at least whine a little about his situation.

"I think you know the answer to that one too. Like you’d actually look for the demon if someone else wasn’t with you. She wants to make sure, you
work for your money. Now let’s get a move-on, we have demons to catch." Spike and Xander had been walking while they talked. They were now
several blocks from the magic shop, where the group had split up. There was a sudden tension in the air, and they both fell silent realizing that
something was wrong.

They moved quickly down the next blocks, neither speaking. Spike had been choosing their path, tugging Xander along behind him. Finally Xander
broke the silence, "Uh, Spike, where are we going. And what’s wrong here." Spike heard the fear in his voice, and momentarily enjoyed the sound,
only wishing he had been the one to put it there.

Going to Red's. We need to get inside. We're being hunted. Spike's voice was monotone. The lack of expression frightened Xander more than the
actual words.

"What do you mean we're being hunted, by what? And since when can you get in Willow's house?" The panic in Xander's voice was barely
contained.

"Since she invited me, almost a year now. There are a lot of vampires in the area, a whole band of them I’d say."

"Vampires, I can deal with vampires. I’ve been dusting vamps for years now, are you sure that’s all." Xander was still scared, but knowing it was
only vampires, an evil he was familiar with had increased his confidence.

"Yeah, mate. That’s all. I don’t think you quite grasp the situation though. The vampires you are used to are solitary or just minions. This is a band
of vampires. I’m thinking at least 6 maybe more. They are all master level, and have been hunting together for a long time. Sometimes centuries.
The closest thing you have ever seen to this was Dru and I with the bloody poof." Spike spoke coldly. He wanted the boy scared. He’d fight better
and focus more if he were scared. Spike knew they’d never make it to shelter in time. Bands like this would kill him, just the same as the boy, They’d
have to fight. While he was thinking about all of this the band finally showed itself. Spike had been right there were 6 of them. They were all tall,
similar in looks, well dressed. A woman seemed to be the leader of the group. They had surrounded Spike and Xander.

The woman took a step closer and spoke, "What do we have here, a human with a vampire escort. And who would you be." Her voice was cold,
emotionless, her words obviously directed at Spike.

Spike answered just as coldly, "I am William the Bloody, called Spike. Maybe you’ve heard of me."

The woman seemed a touch more interested, "Indeed I have, the slayer of slayers, part of the scourge of Europe, rumor has it you nearly
succeeded in resurrecting The Judge. Quite impressive. Should make this fight all the more amusing." She then turned her attention to the vampires
in her band. "Take them."

The vampires began to converge on Spike and Xander who immediately pulled their weapons out. Spike shot Xander a glance, and said softly, "Stay
close, we can beat them, just keep fighting."

Xander nodded, but didn’t speak. They fought furiously, Spike had each taken to vampires, Spike was fighting a third. Only the woman remained.
She had mostly stayed out of the fight until now. Spike had his back to her as he continued fighting his third vampire. She went for Xander. She
wrenched the stake out of his hands and pulled him close to her body. Xander screamed as her fangs pierced his throat. Spike spun around at the
sound.  But was attacked by the remaining vampire. He turned and continued to fight eventually staking the vampire. When he returned to the
woman and Xander she was still drinking from him. Spike staked her and she fell to dust. He knelt beside Xander’s fallen form. His heartbeat was
slowly dropping off. Xander was dying.

"Bloody hell, the slayer will never forgive me for this. And Red, it’ll break her heart." Spike spoke as he watched the young man’s life seep away. He
made a decision. He knew Willow still had the curse she used on Angel. She talked about it from time to time, she was trying to find a way to make
the soul permanent. If he turned the boy, she could do the spell, they’d still have him. The only other alternative was to let him die. Not even
considering that option Spike brought his own wrist up to his mouth and ripped at the flesh there. He then placed the wound to Xander’s open
mouth, forcing him to swallow. He made Xander drink for a long time, he wanted the boy to be a childe, not a minion. Spike was injured and the loss
of blood to Xander made him dangerously weak. When he had decided Xander had drank enough he picked him up and began the long walk back to
the shop.

Giles was reading, waiting for Buffy and her friends to check in with him. Well, rather he was trying to read. He never really accomplished anything
when they were out, but he still stared valiantly at the page in front of him. He heard the bell on his door make it’s jingling sound as it was opened.
He glanced up to see what would bring one of them back at this early hour. Spike, was carrying a broken and battered, Xander, who appeared to be
lifeless in his arms.

"What in bloody hell happened."

"We were attacked by a hunting band. Didn’t know you got them in the states, there were 6 of them. We fought, but one of them got to the boy
here. I killed her for it." Spike’s voice was hollow, empty. Giles had heard shock victims sound like this. He took a closer look at Spike and realized he
was paler than usual, and still cut and bloody, he’d lost a lot of blood, not to have healed already.

"Spike, is he, did they kill him?" Giles knew the answer already, he could see death in Xander’s form, but he had to hear the answer. A silent tear
had already started it’s path down Giles’ cheek.

"The leader,  she went for Xander. I couldn’t stop her. I killed her, but he’d lost so much blood. He was dying. Watcher, you understand I did what I
had to, don’t you?" Spike was sounding less and less coherent by the moment.

"What, do what, Spike what are you talking about." As he spoke Spike collapsed. Looking at the scene before him, Giles finally began to make sense
of Spike’s words, "Oh, dear God, you’ve turned him."

Giles himself then collapsed back into his chair. It was all too much to deal with. After a moment he pulled himself together. There were things which
must be done now. He quickly dialed the numbers that would page the girls back to the magic shop. He knew that Willow still had the curse. They
could give Xander his soul. It wasn’t perfect, but it was the best they could do. Examining Xander, he realized that the change had already started,
he could see the cuts beginning to close, and the bruises diminishing as he watched. If anything Xander was healing better than Spike. Knowing
there was nothing more he could do for Xander he turned to Spike. He didn’t understand why the vampire had turned the young man. It was quite
obvious that Spike had been badly injured in the fight. Then he gave up his chance of quick recovery by giving his own blood to Xander. He would
have expected Spike to simply bring Xander’s dead body back to them, if he bothered to do that. He would simply never understand the motivations
of the blonde vampire.

He went quickly into his office. He had a few bags of blood in his refrigerator. Payment for Spike’s infrequent assistance. He used scissors to cut the
bag open and then poured some of the blood into Spike’s mouth. Unused to trying to feed a vampire, he actually managed to spill more of the blood,
on the floor and his clothes than he actually got into Spike’s mouth, but it was enough to make Spike wake up. He grabbed the bag, and quickly
drank the rest. When he was finished with it, Giles silently handed him a second bag. He drank that and then spoke, "Thanks for the blood, watcher.
Is Red, on her way?"

"Yes, they all are. Spike, may I ask why?" Giles was genuinely puzzled, he didn’t actually expect an answer, but hoped for one. He was even more
surprised when he heard Spike reply softly.

"That boy, was the heart of this little group. You all tell yourselves you fight because it’s the right thing to do, but you don’t. You fight for him. If I
let him just die, it would have killed you all of you. Red would never survive his death." He then let his voice turn flippant as though realizing what
his words revealed, "And if the slayer is going to die, it’ll be because I beat her, not because some damn hunter made her sloppy. I want her 100%
when I get my bite back."

Giles was stunned. He wondered if Spike realized just how much his words meant. Spike did this for them. He didn’t want to see the group destroyed
by Xander’s death. Giles was exhausted and overwhelmed,  way too much had happened for him to process this bit of information. Just then he
heard the door open again, It was the girls.

Buffy spoke first seeing Xander's limp form, "What happened, Spike, what happened to him. You were supposed to protect him." Her voice was
accusatory.

"I didn’t think that was in my bloody job description slayer. I thought it was yours. Anyway we were outnumbered, badly. I would have thought the
slayer would know when a hunting band invaded her town." His voice was cold, and anger glinted in his eyes.

Spike and Buffy moved towards each other, and everybody knew this fight would escalate. Buffy was hurt, and that made her less likely to think
before staking than usual, and Spike would not back down from the challenge. Willow saw all of this with a glance, and quickly moved between
them. "Enough, both of you. We have more important things to worry about right now, than who to blame. I blame the creature that did this.

Willow caught her first glimpse of Xander’s still form lying on the ground and, her words came out in barely a whisper, "Oh, goddess, no. He can’t be
dead."

Giles softly replied, "No, not quite, but not quite alive either." He couldn’t bring himself to say the words. He couldn’t admit to this vibrant boy
having been turned.

"Spike, what happened. Why did you turn him?" Willow had immediately grasped the implication of Giles’ words. She was in shock, and her voice
spoke of the deadly calm that accompanied that. She had not actually looked at Spike yet. As she turned to hear his response, she saw him for the
first time that night. His cuts had finally started to heal, but he was left with angry red marks, and was still way too pale and drawn looking. Willow
gasped and went to his side. "Oh Goddess, what happened to the two of you?"

Spike quickly hugged her and replied softly, "We were attacked, luv. Vampires, six of them. They were a hunting band. The watcher can explain
what that is later. Xander took out two, he was very brave. I had killed three, when the leader attacked him. Red, she’s dust. I swear it. But I
wasn’t fast enough. He was too far gone. This was the only way I knew to save him for you. You can use the spell. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect
him." His voice was barely audible to the people in the room. It was full of pain, and they were astonished to hear it.

Buffy didn't understand it, so she lashed out at Spike again. Soon the room was just a screaming mob. No one was listening to anyone else. Out of
the chaos, came Willow's clear voice, with a tone of command that the others were not used to hearing from her, "Enough. Everyone just stop it.
Buffy, go take care of Anya. We are all going to my house, there’s work to do." She quickly scribbled a list on a scrap of paper, "Giles get these
things and bring them with you." People responded to her voice. Buffy immediately went over to Anya who had collapsed in a sobbing heap next to
Xander’s body. Giles scurried to get the supplies Willow had requested.

"He’ll have to be moved. My parents are out of town as usual, and the place is big enough for several of us to stay around the clock. I think we
should take him there. We can do the spell tonight. I’ll need help. Giles and Anya are probably best for this, they’ve had experience with magic."
Willow sounded more self-assured than any of them could ever remember, and the command in her voice was unmistakable.  Everyone obeyed her.
No one even questioned it. Anya simply got up with Buffy’s arms still wrapped around her, they headed for the door. Giles simply gathered the
requested supplies and turned to leave. Spike lifted Xander’s still limp form cradling it against his body. Buffy turned and looked at him, "No someone
else can carry Xander, I don't want him touching him." her voice dripped with venom. Spike merely shot her a glare and pulled Xander's body a bit
tighter against his chest.

It was  Willow who answered her, "Spike is Xander's sire, you may not have read the books about that relationship but I have. Xander will need
Spike, he belongs to him as much as he belongs to us. Spike carries him." Her voice was cold and the tone was not to be argued with. Buffy merely
shot her a look that promised this conversation would be continued later. Everyone left the shop wordlessly. Willow remained for just a moment.
**What am I doing. I can’t be the one in control. That’s my best friend. Gotta keep it together girl. We’ll get through this** She allowed a single
tear to slide down her cheek before following the rest of their group out the door.

By the time, they had walked the few short blocks to her house, Buffy had regained her voice. "Okay, I want to know what the hell is going on
here." She meant for the words to come out sounding angry, but instead she merely sounded tired.

Willow ignored Buffy, and turned to Spike. "Put him in my room please."

Spike replied so softly that no one but Willow heard him, "Are you sure luv, He'll sleep through tomorrow at least. You may want some sleep
tonight."

Willow replied just as softly, "I'm sure. I can sleep anywhere. He's familiar with my room, familiar is good right?"

"Of course pet, familiar is very good." Spike carried Xander up the stairs, wondering all the while just how familiar the boy was with Red's bedroom.

 "Sit down please all of you. We need to figure out exactly what happened tonight." Willow was quite surprised to realize that everyone did as she
said. She’d never really been in control before. She’d always been the follower. Being in charge felt good. At that point Spike rejoined the group.
They had all moved into the living room and were sitting in various places throughout the room. Willow turned to Spike, "Spike, could you tell us all
exactly what happened tonight. We need to hear it."

Spike looked at her, he had always known the little girl had power, but she’d never shown it until tonight. Tonight she was commanding. She was
definitely in charge, no one would dare cross her. In addition he could feel the almost electric charge, of magic radiating from her. Like everyone
else in the room, he obeyed her. He told his story. They did not interrupt. It was strange to say the least.

When Spike finished speaking, Buffy spoke, "What is a hunting band, Giles?" Her voice was cold, she was still looking for a place to lay blame. She
knew after listening to his story Spike had done all that was possible, so now she was focusing on this phenomenon, she had never heard of. "and
why the hell didn’t you ever tell me about them."

Giles was startled at the vehemence in her tone, but answered her calmly. "Hunting bands are familial groups of vampires. They are bonded to each
other. There are at least four vampires in any band, and they are all master level. They fight as a unit. They are ruthless, and will kill their own kind,
as quickly as a human. They relish in the hunt, the kill. I’ve never told you about them, because The Americas have never had bands before. Most
bands have been together for 500 years or more. I didn’t think there was a need. I’m sorry."

Buffy’s anger drained away, she turned to Willow next, "You can do the spell right. He’ll be like Angel?" She spoke softly, the anger turning to simple
pain.

"I can do the spell. Buffy. And about the spell, I have found a way to anchor the soul. I never mentioned it because it won't work for Angel, it has
to be done at the time of the restoration, but it would work for Xander."

Giles was shocked and overjoyed, "That's incredible Willow. How did you manage it." He had known the young witch was still searching for a means
to make Angel's soul permanent, but had never really expected her to find a solution.

"I did find a solution, but guys there is more to it." For the first time that night her voice held a touch of hesitance, "To start with the spell will take
3 of us, humans. I don't think Buffy is a good candidate for the spell either. I think it would have to be Giles and Anya who helped me." Willow's
voice broke as she reached the end of that statement, she could only imagine the pain the other girl was going through, but the spell took 3 people,
and she didn’t think she could keep Buffy focused for long enough. Anya was the logical option.

Anya spoke for the first time since seeing Xander’s body, "I can do it, I can do it for Xander. I'd do anything for him. I love him." She spoke softly
but her voice was strong. She turned to Spike, "Thank you, thank you for saving him. I would have died if we lost him completely."

Spike felt a stab of sympathy for the girl. He wasn’t used to feeling those kinds of emotions, so he answered rather gruffly, "Well, yeah, I didn’t do it
for you, you know. Red would’ve never forgiven me, if I let him just die."

"Is that really all there is to it, Willow. How will you anchor the soul." Buffy didn't mean to, but a note of incredulity had crept into her voice.

"Well that's the other thing, when we restore the soul, it will be tied to each of ours. Anchoring it in this realm." Again that note of hesitance
touched Willow's voice.

Giles' face fell, "Then it's only a temporary solution. Our deaths would remove the anchor on his soul."

Willow responded the confidence finally back in her voice. "No it's a reciprocal bond, as his soul is tied to ours, so are our lives tied to his. We will
live as long as he does, unaging, and as long as we are alive he will have his soul. But that's the issue, I mean we'll never have even a semblance of
a normal life, if we go through with this. I'm willing. It will give Xander a shot at happiness, and that's all I've ever wanted for him, but I can't speak
for the two of you."

"Weren't you listening a minute ago, I'll do anything for Xander. I'm in." Anya sounded almost upbeat with this latest information.

Giles had still not replied and had an odd look on his face, Willow turned to him, "What do you say Giles, can you do this. Can you tie yourself to
Xander for the rest of his unnatural life?"

Giles was silent for a moment longer, and when he spoke it was softly. "When I was trained as a watcher, I was resigned to the fact that I would
outlive my slayer. Such was the way of things. When I came to know Buffy, I was overwhelmingly saddened by that knowledge. Meeting the rest of
you, I came to believe it was quite likely I would outlive all of you, A watcher's life is rather safe, after all. It hurt to think of the  world without you
in it. I felt it would be a poorer place for that loss. As the years passed I realized the strength that this group had, and no longer do I fear outliving
my slayer, or you, my friends. Instead, I am saddened at the thought I will not get to see your great achievements in life. Tonight I have the
chance to maintain two lives. Xander's who deserves every chance at happiness in this world. And my own. While I don't know what I have ever
done to deserve this chance, I am going to grasp onto it, with every bit of strength in my being. I will do this. I will tie myself to Xander."

The room let out a collective sigh of relief. They really had not known what Giles' decision would be. Before any of them could respond to him, he
spoke again, "Buffy, I hate to bring this up, but there is still a demon out there that needs to be taken care of."

Before he could get any further, Buffy answered him, "Right, take care of Xander for me. I'll be back soon." With that she turned and walked out of
Willow's home.

The group spent the next several hours planning the restoration spell. Anya Giles, and Willow, each reviewed their parts in the spell. Spike hovered
over everyone by turns. Near dawn they were ready. They made their final preparations and Anya and Giles asked if they could take a little time to
mentally prepare for their roles. Willow agreed that this was probably a wise idea and went to look in on Xander. When she reached the door to her
room she saw Spike sitting quietly by Xander's side stroking his hair. Willow stood and watched for a moment, she had never seen Spike treat
anyone with such gentleness. She finally entered the room and sat in her desk chair across from Spike, Xander between them.

She sat in silence for a moment, but finally spoke, "Spike, what's it like, to have a childe I mean?"

Spike thought about it for a moment, "It's bloody amazing, pet, at this moment, the only thing I want to do is protect him." Spike paused for a
moment thinking about what he had just said and added rather flippantly "I'm sure once he wakes up, he'll be a right bloody pain in the ass, and the
desire to dominate will take over."

Willow giggled at this response. "Sounds like most parents, children are the best when sleeping." Willow turned serious again. "The Watcher Diaries,
they say you never had childer, is that true, before Xander?"

"Yes luv, never wanted the bloody responsibility. And I haven't exactly had the best of role models. Dru, was too crazy to be a proper sire. Angelus,
was a good sire, until that damned gypsy cursed him, and he turned into the poor tortured poof, Angel. And when Angelus came back, the demon
had gone mad, he wanted to hurt us.  He wasn't my sire, my Angelus. He was something else." Spike was being completely honest with Willow,
somehow, he couldn't bring himself to tell the usual lies with her.

"Then why Spike, why did you do this?" Willow was back to her command voice, though it really wasn't necessary with Spike. He would have given
her the answer regardless.

"Because losing the boy would have killed you, and I think that may just have killed me." His answer was soft, and when she didn't respond Spike
felt the need to change the subject, move to safer ground. He'd come dangerously close to telling the girl he loved her, and he wouldn't do that. He
wouldn't set himself up for rejection. "So it's my turn pet, do you think you lot, can handle Xander as a vampire?"

Willow thought for a moment before replying to Spike. He hadn't expected that. He thought Willow would simply give a quick reassurance that of
course they would accept Xander, no matter what. Just words, no thought behind them. He was pleased that the young witch was actually thinking
about this. Because it would not be as easy as everyone seemed to think.

"I hope so. I'm certain I can accept Xander as anything. I accept Angel both as a man and as a vampire. I even accept you. You are what you are,
it isn't your fault. Xander won't have the troubled past to deal with so that's a plus. Still, I'm sure it will be hard. I think Buffy and Giles will just
need a little time. I truly hope that Anya will be able to accept him. I just don't actually know her that well, but she loves him. She says she'd do
anything for him. And after all she used to be a demon, surely she can accept his now. I think we'll all adjust." Her answer was thoughtful, and
sincere. She had really thought about it.

"It's good you've thought about this Red. I know you all want him to stay, but he will be changed. Soul or not. He'll never quite be the Xander you
knew."

Just as Spike finished this, Giles knocked on the door, "Willow, we're ready."
 

~Part: Two~ Conversations

 "Willow, we're ready." Giles' voice was full of confidence. In reality he was much less sure of himself, of what they were about to do. He realized that more than any other single act in his lifetime, this night would change his life, all of their lives irrevocably.

"Let's do it." Willow's voice and thoughts were an echo of Giles.

The two of them walked silently back into the living room joining Anya. Willow spoke a few preparatory words before lighting the incense and taking up her spot on the floor, the glass orb sitting between the three of them. She took a moment to settle herself comfortably, drew a steadying breath and began to chant in a language she did not understand. After a moment, Giles' and Anya's voices joined her own. The three of them could feel the power building in the room, swirling around them. After several minutes the prickling heat of the energy was almost unbearable, then Willow changed her words. The energy that had been filling in the room was suddenly pulled into them, It was almost painful the energy being thrust through their bodies, there was a bright flash of light, and the three of them fell unconscious.

A moment later Giles and Anya woke to find Spike hovering over the three of them a worried expression on his face. If it hadn't been for the seriousness of the situation Giles would have laughed at the vampire's expression. As it was he was still dazed from the sheer power of the spell. He turned to Anya, "Are you okay?"

Anya nodded and stood gingerly moving to the couch. "Tired, I think I'm going to sleep again. It did work didn't it?" Her voice broke on the final words.

"It worked, I felt it, can feel it now actually." Giles words were soft, wonder in his voice.

While Giles and Anya were speaking, Spike had moved to kneel next to Willow. He was cradling her head in his lap when he spoke, "Of course it worked, my Red did it, didn't she. Is she alright?" The emotion his voice held was all over the place, beginning with annoyance sliding into pride for the small witch in his arms, and finally chased by fear.

Giles seemed to realize at that moment that Willow was still unconscious. "She'll be fine, she needs rest. There was so much energy in that spell. Willow chose to act as the focus, she took the brunt of things as it were. What Anya and I felt was just an echo of the energy that tore through her. The poor girl isn't used to manipulating that much raw power. Any other time, I would have made her let me do it. But she was so commanding, I just did as I was told. I'm not sure, I could have controlled it at any rate." Giles realized he was rambling, but couldn't seem to help it. He was in awe. He had never realized that the young girl, no woman, he knew held such talent within her. He was nearly certain that he would have lost control of the magic in this spell, but there had been no wildness in it. Willow had always firmly guided the energy in the spell. More than the magic Willow's ability to take over the situation and actually make the others do as she said surprised him. He didn't know what to think or expect of Willow any more. Giles was trying to clear his head, think coherent thoughts again, when he realized that Spike had stood, lifting Willow easily, and begun to walk away. "Spike, where are you going with her?" His voice held curiosity, but no real concern. Giles was certain that the blonde vampire would not hurt Willow.

"I'm taking her to a bed, I will not leave her lying there on the bloody floor." His voice was back to sounding vaguely irritated, but with an undercurrent of worry that wasn't usually there. He continued to walk away, and Giles realized he was heading towards the guest bedroom upstairs. He had to wonder just how, Spike knew Willow's home so well.

Giles took just a moment to check that Anya was sleeping comfortably before following the vampire carrying the small witch. He reached the room where Spike had taken Willow, he paused in the doorway, watching the vampire's actions. Spike very gently placed Willow on the mattress, wrapping the blankets around her. He then sat down in a chair next to her and began to softly stroke her hair. Giles remained still, just watching them for a moment. Trying to get a handle on the situation. He had never seen Spike treat anyone this way before. His mind jumped at moments from the last year. He began to see a pattern to things. He realized that Spike had visibly relaxed and softened when Willow would walk into a room. Frequently her mere presence had been enough to diffuse the tension in a room. The flashes of anger that Giles had noted, but never really understood that would cross Spike's face when Oz was mentioned or lately Tara. He wasn't sure when it had happened, but somewhere in the time the vampire had spent with them, Spike had fallen in love with Willow. He understood now, so much. With this sudden realization Giles finally entered the room, pulling a chair to the other side of the bed. "You love her don't you?" There was no threat or distaste in Giles' voice, merely a certainty that it was true.

Spike looked up sharply. Giles thought for a moment that Spike would deny it, but Spike knew that the watcher had already figured this out, and was only looking for confirmation, so he decided to go with the truth. "Yeah, I love her more than anything, ever. I've never felt this for anyone, not even Dru." He hadn't meant to reveal so much, to speak so openly.

Giles looked across at the vampire, the almost lost look in his eyes as he wondered over what would happen to the girl he loved. A part of Giles wanted to comfort Spike, reassure him, the logical part of his mind was busy screaming at him, *This is Spike, a soulless, bloodthirsty killer, you are thinking about.* Surprisingly that part of his mind was shoved aside by the other, and he spoke softly, "We won't let anything happen to her Spike. She'll be fine. None of us would ever let anything hurt her."

Spike looked at him for a moment and when he spoke it was in an icy tone that Giles had never heard from the vampire, rage concealed barely beneath the surface. "But you do don't you. You let her get hurt. Oh, I know it's not your bloody fault, but Red, just keeps getting hurt, over and over. I remember when I first got the chip, she was so bloody miserable. The pain radiated from her. The demon wanted her. Wanted to taste that pain. But a part of me, I thought long dead and buried wouldn't have allowed it even if I could bite. That part of me wanted to hold her until the pain went away. You couldn't stop that. You couldn't stop the pain of the witch leaving her. Half the time, you don't even try. You let her play the brave little soldier, so you don't have to confront her pain. All the time pouring more right on top of it." With that Spike's voice broke and the anger seemed to drain out of him, when he continued his voice was soft. "And I'm no bloody better than the rest of you lot. The demon can't leave well enough alone even. No, it has to make some cutting remark driving whatever knife she's got in her just a little deeper. Won't allow me to just love her, the way she deserves. And that is the only thing that has ever made me want to be more like Angel and less like Angelus"  He broke off violently, fighting the urge to cry. He wouldn't not in front of the watcher. He would not cry.

Giles sat in stunned silence thinking over everything Spike had said, and was ashamed to admit that there was truth to it. He had always known that Willow put on an act of being happier than she truly was. It had been easier to accept that than try to find out what was wrong, fix it. He'd allowed her to hide from him, and the others did too. They had never really helped her through the pain of Oz's leaving, and had mostly ignored the fact that Tara was gone. He also knew that they each carried guilt around for it. He was surprised to find that Spike seemed to know all of this though. He really couldn't fault the vampire's anger, so he chose to respond to only the words, and not the tone in which they were spoken.  "You're right. We haven't been very good friends to her. We never have. She deserves so much more than any of us. Still we do love her, all of us. I know, I'm grateful to have the chance to be a better friend. We'll take care of her Spike, always." Giles let his words trail off.

As Spike was trying to decide how to reply to the watcher, in this conversation that had turned way to personal and uncomfortable for him, Willow's eyes fluttered open. She reached a hand out blindly, which he captured in his own whispering, so low that even his sensitive hearing could barely make out the word, "Spike"

"Shh, I'm here love, It's alright," Spike's heart leapt. Willow had called for him when she woke. He'd never felt such happiness. Then she spoke again.

"Spike please, call Angel." as her words trailed off, Spike's world shattered around him. She'd called out to him, but only to get at his bloody sire. He felt as if his heart had broken into a million tiny shards and each one was twisting in his flesh. The pain and anger was almost unbearable. He didn't even realize that his eyes had gone golden, he was a hairs breadth away from losing control completely, his vampire visage taking over, when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder and heard Giles' voice.

"She didn't mean it that way, you know. She was thinking of Xander. Angel will be able to help him, come to terms with the demon and the soul, learn to control it." Giles spoke gently, in a comforting tone. He wasn't sure what had made him move. But he couldn't bear seeing the hurt on Spike's face. So he had gotten up and laid that hand on his shoulder. The part of him that needed to reassure the vampire was still definitely in control. Giles wondered briefly if he had entirely lost his mind, but pushed the thought away. He drifted away from Spike and ended up back in the chair at Willow's side.

At Giles words the anger slid away from his features. The pain lingered a moment longer but it too slid away. Spike was surprised by Giles. He didn't think that had ever happened. He decided that this was just a momentary lapse of his usual watcher attitude. That being the case, he could write off his part of the conversation as a momentary lapse of his usual bad-ass vampire attitude. Neither of them would speak of this conversation again he was sure of that. "Yeah, I know. Still It scares me. Angelus has always reveled in taking what's mine, and he loves her."

Giles managed to be shocked once more. Angel loved Willow, but that simply wasn't possible. Angel loved Buffy, it was a forever kind of thing, the star-crossed lovers. His voice shook slightly when he spoke, "W-what do you mean, Spike? Angel can't love Willow."

Spike almost laughed at the shock on the other man's face. He realized he'd just shattered another of Giles well placed illusions. His voice was serious when he spoke, "He can and he does. The one thing that Angel and Angelus both have in common is that the greatest attraction for them, is innocence, purity. And Willow is the purest soul that Angel has come across since Dru. She's innocent in a way that no amount of sex or magic can ever take away. Her soul is pure, perfect. In another time she would have been named a saint. His demon wants to corrupt that, twist that purity. His soul wants to protect it, but they both want to have her."

There was such conviction in that voice, but how was it possible that Angel loved anyone other than Buffy. They were soul-mates, weren't they? Hadn't Angel left because the pain of having to see Buffy, but not give her his love was too much. Still when he spoke his words were tentative, questioning, "But what about Buffy, doesn't Angel love her?"

Spike actually did laugh this time. "The slayer. I guess so. But he's not in love with her. I don't think he ever really was. She can't even begin to come close to Willow in terms of purity. And don't give me any of that 'One true love' bollocks. Buffy was about redemption. Think about it. Making the slayer love him. It meant somehow that he was fundamentally different. Not a vampire anymore. It was proof positive that he had changed. But the relationship was always doomed, even without the curse. The slayer sees things in black and white. Angel, well, anyone who's lived that long, learns about all the shades of grey. It would never have lasted. And why do you think he left Sunnyhell, it wasn't over her. Oh he loves Willow all right. I've even practically heard him admit it. Was torturing him at the time, funny how torture, brings who you love into focus. But then you already knew that didn't you." The demon was getting fed up with this conversation, and so he interjected that last bit, causing Giles to flinch visibly.

Spike finally seemed to be returning to his normal self, if that last barb was any indication. Giles decided to pretend ignorance. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh don't tell me you've forgotten my dear sire and his games. I know that when he tortured you you called out for Buffy, not your little Gypsy, but your underage slayer. Oh yeah, I know." The sneer was back in Spike's voice now. He watched as pain flitted across the Giles' features. He felt disgust at having caused it, and then more disgust at caring. What the hell kind of vampire was he anyway. Caring about hurting the watcher. He decided he had better leave the room before he caused any more damage. Still, he couldn't help crossing the room and laying his hand on Giles' shoulder, in a shockingly similar pose to that the watcher had taken only minutes before. Very softly he did something he hadn't for nearly a century, he apologized, "I'm sorry watcher. I shouldn't have brought that up. I'll call the poof. Willow was right, Xander may need him." With those words he turned and walked out. leaving Giles sitting in a stunned silence.

Surprisingly enough, that is exactly what Spike did. He walked directly from the guest room to the phone in Willow's room, knowing she kept Angel's number on speed dial. He listened to the phone ring, having absolutely no idea what he was going to say when it was answered. Still totally unprepared when Cordelia picked up the line, with a cheerful, "Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless."

"Is my bloody sire there." Spike ground out. He could barely force the words past his lips.

"Spike, what do you want." Cordelia sounded bored, but really she wanted to know what could possibly make the bleached blonde call the one man he professed to hate more than anything else.

"I want to talk to the bloody poof, put him on the phone." Spike's impatience gave a knife-edge to his voice. He wanted to get this conversation over and done with.

"Fine." The line fell silent for a moment, presumably while Cordelia let Angel know he was on the line.

"Spike" Angel was the only person or vampire that Spike knew who could speak with that absolute void of emotion. It chilled him. Always had. He would have thought that the soul, would have taken that voice away, but it hadn't.

"Sire, we, I, your help is needed here." Spike stumbled over the words, unused to asking anyone for help, and Angel in particular.

"What do you need Spike." Angel used that same emotionless tone. What Spike did not know, had never known, was that Angel only used that voice when allowing his emotions to show was dangerous. He used it when his emotions could cause pain to those he loved. He also used it when he knew he would be ridiculed for those emotions. Spike got to hear this voice a lot.

"Right, let me give you the short version. I was out demon-hunting with Xander when we were attacked by a hunting pack. The leader took Xander before I could kill her, but the bitch died for her effort. I turned the boy, Red restored his soul, permanently.  And no, I don't know how that works, but she says it's permanent for him. He'll need help controlling the demon. You are the only other creature I know with his unique condition, so get your ass down here, and help us." Spike had tried to stay calm, collected, but his voice had taken on an edge of desperation to it by the end of his words.

The line stayed silent for a long moment. Angel was shocked. Shocked at the death of the boy who he admired, despite their rather troubled history. Shocked at the fact that said boy was now a vampire with a soul. But mostly the thing that shocked him was that Spike had made a childe. Long ago, when he was still William, Spike, had sworn that he would never make a childe. In all these long years, he hadn't. When he finally spoke it was with a bit of wonder to his voice, "Cordelia and I will be there before dawn. I promise." with that he hung up the phone not even bothering to wait for a response. His childe had called him for help, he would be there. "Cordelia get some things together we're going to Sunnydale."
 

~Part: Three~ An Arrival

" Cordelia, get some things together. We're going to Sunnydale." To Cordelia, Angel's voice sounded tight, controlled. She knew he used
that voice mostly when a friend was in danger. She'd always hated that voice.

"Angel, what's wrong? Is it Buffy?" Her own voice held concern not so much for Buffy, as for Angel. She knew that to lose Buffy, would break
something in Angel. When Angel didn't answer her, she asked again. "Angel, what's wrong? Why are we going to Sunnydale?" A note of
impatience was beginning to tinge Cordelia's concern.

"Delia, It's not Buffy. I, I'll explain the whole thing on the way." Angel would have to think about how to tell Cordelia that there was one more
vampire in her life. He wasn't looking forward to it. Now he needed to get her out of here. "We have to get going. Go pack some things for
each of us. Not a lot, please. I'll explain to Gunn and Wesley. They can stay here and watch over things. Go." Angel's voice now held the
unmistakable note of command. He was truly grateful that each of them had started keeping rooms in the hotel. It would make this go a little
faster, and time was already short, if they were to reach  Sunnydale before dawn.

Without saying another word, Cordelia turned and walked out of the office gently shutting the door behind her. Angel knew he should get up,
speak with Gunn and Wesley, but he couldn't seem to summon the strength. He didn't know how to explain to them that a call from his
wayward childe was sending him straight back to Sunnydale. It had taken so much work to regain even a fraction of their trust after the whole
Darla episode last year. He didn't want to jeopardize that. But how to explain that a young man, who had only ever professed undying hatred
for him, had been turned by his Childe, his soulless childe. And how to explain that said Childe had called him for help. He prayed to a god,
he did not believe would listen, that they would understand.

While all of these thoughts were racing around in Angel's head, a soft knock came at the door. He answered, "Come in."

Gunn and Wesley came into his office. "What's up Angel, Delia said you needed  to talk man." this from Gunn.

Before Angel could reply to him, Wesley's voice came, "Yes, Angel. What is it. I must say, Cordelia seemed rather upset." The tension in
Wesley's voice was plain. He wanted to trust Angel, but still wasn't really sure, he could.

"Sit down, both of you. I don't have a lot of time. Cordelia and I will be leaving for Sunnydale tonight. It will have to be soon or we won't make
it before sunrise." Angel spoke in a soft measured tone, meant to both convey his determination and assure them that he wasn't behaving
irresponsibly.

Gunn visibly relaxed, but Wesley seemed unaffected by his words and tone. "But Angel, why. What about the cases we have open. You have
responsibilities here. What can have possibly happened to take you to Sunnydale."

"As I said, I don't have a lot of time. I don't actually have a lot of information either, but here's what I know. That was Spike on the phone just
now. It seems he occasionally helps Buffy and her friends for pay. He was out patrolling with Xander they were attacked. A vampire nearly
drained Xander before Spike killed her. He was dying. Spike turned him. Willow restored his soul. Spike asked for my help. I'm going." The
last of this was delivered with an almost defiant tone, daring them to ask him to stay.

Gunn and Wesley remained silent for a moment. Gunn finally answered, "Go, my man. You're needed there. We can hold down the fort."
Somehow he understood.

"Yes, Angel, go. The current cases are all rather mundane anyway, and we can call if we need you." Wesley too, seemed to understand.
Angel was gratified by their faith in him.

"Thank you. We'll stay in touch. I promise."

"Of course Angel. We'll leave you alone now." Wesley spoke for both himself and Gunn, leading the other man out of the office.

That was one trial down. Now all he had to do was figure out how to explain things to Cordelia.

Hours later Angel and Cordelia were just outside of Sunnydale. Angel true to his word, had given Cordelia all of the information he had when
the trip began. For the next 20 minutes Cordelia had grilled him with questions he couldn't answer. When she realized she wouldn't get any
more information, Cordelia had fallen silent and hadn't spoken for the rest of the journey. Just as they passed the Welcome to Sunnydale
sign, Cordelia spoke again, "Just how the hell am I supposed to deal with this. You are telling me that my ex-boyfriend died, was turned, by
Spike no less, and had his soul restored to him, all in the space of what the last 5 hours or so. What am I supposed to think, to do. Why did
you bring me here with you?" Her voice was frustrated, she didn't know how to respond to all of this new information, and would have liked to
have more time to prepare herself before she had to face the rest of them.

Angel answered her, just as frustrated, "I don't know Cordelia. I don't even know how I'm going to deal with it. I brought you, because you
were these peoples friend no matter how badly things went with you. They need friends just now." It was about 10 minutes until dawn and
Willow's house was still a good 12 minutes away if one followed all of the traffic laws. Angel decided he was going to speed, and hope that
tonight was not the night to get caught.

Just as the sun was beginning to rise, Giles heard a furious knocking at Willow's front door. He answered it to find Angel on the other side.
"Angel, come in." his voice was cold. He was still not comfortable with the other man, wasn't sure he ever would be.

"Giles, I came as quickly as I could. Cordelia is with me. What happened." Angel understood Giles' reticence with him, expected it, but he
needed information. He had to make sense of what he had been told.

Cordelia came in then, she rushed to Giles and hugged him. "Oh, Giles. What happened here. I just can't believe that Xander is a vampire.
He can't be." She was nearly hysterical, all of the things she'd been told in the last hours were finally starting to sink in.

Giles wanted to deal gently with the poor girl before him. Unfortunately he had yet to deal with it all himself. He didn't know what to say or do
that could comfort her. Instead he gently led her into the living room, Angel trailing behind them. "Please sit down, both of you. Watch out for
Anya, she's still trying to get some sleep. I'll get Spike, he can explain what happened tonight." Without waiting for a response, Giles left the
room in search of Spike. He wouldn't be hard to find. The vampire hadn't rested since bringing Xander here. He had only left his childe's
side to check on the small red-headed witch in the other room. Giles found Spike with Xander just watching as his child slept. He spoke
softly, not wishing to disturb him, "Spike, Angel and Cordelia are here. They need to hear what happened tonight. Can you talk to them."

"Bloody hell, I don't want to tell this story again." looking up, Spike saw the desperation in Giles' eyes. "Oh, alright. I'll talk to them." Spike
stood up and made his way down to the living room where he told his story yet another time.

Cordelia and Angel listened in silence until Spike reached the end of his story. "Spike, Willow, is she okay?" This from Angel, concern hung
on every syllable he spoke.

Giles looked up sharply, remembering his earlier conversation with Spike. Was it true, or even possible. Did Angel love Willow? Shaking his
head, resolving to solve all of these issues later, Giles answered. "She'll be fine Angel. She's sleeping. She worked with a great deal of
power to anchor the soul, and she was weak already. She just needs rest."

"Can I see her?" Angel asked in that same tone.

Giles nodded, "Spike can show you her room. I'm going to make some tea for Cordelia and I" Giles knew it would be better if Spike was
present when Willow was with Angel. He didn't want to have to deal with a jealous vampire, and he knew that Spike would not let her be hurt.
He got up and went to the kitchen, Cordelia stayed in her seat, shocked not only at the events that had brought her to Sunnydale, but by the
interaction of Angel, Spike, and Giles.

Angel followed Spike up the stairs and down the hall to the guest room where Willow was still sleeping. Spike went immediately to her side,
and took her small hand in his. Angel went to her other side and gently stroked her hair. She stirred just a little in her sleep and Angel
crooned soothing words to her, "Shh, it's okay Little One. I'm here. I'll protect you." When he looked back up he saw Spike glaring at him.

Spike spoke coldly, "Sire, you can't have her. I love her, and I won't let you take her. Never will I let you take her from me."
 

~Part: Four~ Waking

"Sire, you can't have her. I love her, and I won't let you take her. Never will I let you take her from me." Spike's voice was icy. Most people think of anger and hatred as something hot, fiery, but from Spike the greatest anger was always cold. Spike's posture and facial expressions were defiant, challenging. But underneath the challenge, was pain, and Angel recognized that pain. Knew that he had caused most of it. Still he was surprised to learn that his wayward childe's affections had been captured by the diminutive red head. Spike had always seemed to be attracted to darker women, not necessarily evil, but dark. Willow was anything but. She was everything bright and good.

Angel was silent for a moment trying to decide how to respond, when he spoke it was with slow even tones meant to soothe, "Spike, Willow belongs to no one, but I would never try to take anyone away from you. The demon spent decades doing it, but I would never hurt you that way."

As soon as the words were out, Angel knew that he had taken the wrong approach. Spike responded immediately his anger bubbling to the surface, irritation in his voice, "Don't give me that. I don't believe for a second that the soul has changed you that much. And I know you, you're in love with her too. You'll tell yourself that you are only protecting her from me, but really you'll just be saving her for yourself. You can't have her, Angel. I will, I don't deserve her, but I'll have her anyway. You won't win this time. I won't allow it." Rarely did Spike speak so eloquently. He had greatly enjoyed destroying the speech of his human self. Spike was really quite well-educated, and while William had written abominable poetry, he was able to speak quite well. Spike only let the accent and street language drop when he was speaking about something vitally important to him.

"Spike, I'm not in love with Willow. I don't think you'd be good for her, and would try to discourage any relationship, but she's a big girl. Willow can take care of herself. I think she's smart enough to stay away from you, without any of my influence. This conversation is going nowhere. I won't argue this with you. I don't believe you have any chance with Willow, but, you somehow capture her heart, I won't try to take her away from you. End of Discussion." Angel's voice had started out even and controlled, but quickly took on an edge of anger and irritation. He truly didn't understand why Spike believed that he was in love with Willow. It was true that he found the girl attractive, but who wouldn't she was lovely. Willow was his friend, maybe his best friend. He loved Buffy, he would always love Buffy. Even if they could never be together had never really been happy together, well except that once, he would always love her. Nothing would ever change that, would it? His thoughts were still racing but he turned quickly and went back downstairs.

Spike lingered, watching Willow sleep for a moment, before following Angel down the stairs.

"Is demon girl awake yet?" Spike asked his tone back to normal, showing no trace of his earlier conversation with Angel.

"That's ex-demon girl, and yes, I'm awake." Anya sounded surprisingly upbeat. Happy.even. "What did you want Spike?"

"Just seeing if you were up and about, after that spell. Red's still asleep."

Anya was a little surprised at the obvious concern in Spike's voice, "I'm fine Spike. The spell went well. Willow will be alright." Her own tone was reassuring.

Buffy walked in at that moment, she was exhausted. It had taken her until dawn to track the demon and kill it. She was also afraid, afraid of what she'd find when she came back to this house. Did the spell work? Just what exactly would she find. She walked into the living room to find at least 2 faces she did not expect, Angel and Cordelia. "Angel, what are you doing here?" She ignored Cordelia.

"Spike called, he asked me to come. Adjusting to the soul is a difficult process. It will be easier for Xander, because he will have always had it, but just because he has a soul, doesn't mean he won't have to fight the demon. He'll have to fight it everyday. I can help him learn to do that." This was a neatly prepared speech. Angel had been practicing what to say to Buffy ever since Spike had called.

"I thought the soul made that easy." In Buffy's mind the soul made all of those bad urges, like ripping out throats, just go away. She didn't understand that they were sometimes a physical compulsion.

"The soul doesn't make the demon easier to control, it makes us want to control it. It's different. Every time the demon in my body hears a heartbeat, it wants blood. Every time I actually touch a warm human body, the demon wants to rip out it's throat, drain it. Some days it's hard, not to give in. The soul didn't make that go away. The soul made me want to fight, made it worth it to fight. I had hoped you understood that." Angel was disappointed in Buffy. It seemed lately he was always disappointed in her. He didn't know what had changed, if she had, or if it was him, but he didn't like it. He didn't like it at all.

Buffy, looked horrified, all of the implications of Angel's words, sinking in. "I, I never knew that. I just assumed, I'm sorry. I hope you can help Xander, look, I'm exhausted. Giles, I'm going home, I need some rest. Call if you need me, and call me when Willow wakes up." This was all delivered in a cool monotone. She didn't wait for a response. She just turned around and walked back out the door.

For a moment no one moved or spoke, they just stared at the door.  Anya spoke, "What the hell was her problem?" She used her typically blunt manner and expected an answer.

Cordelia almost laughed aloud. The rest of the group had always taken great pains, to talk about Buffy as if she was perfect. Cordelia had a feeling that she may have found a kindred spirit. She liked this girl. "I think Angel just took her by surprise. Both of them become an enormous pain in the ass, when they are together. Not nearly as hard to put up with separately." Cordelia responded with her own customary sarcasm. "Hey want to go shopping? Kill some time."

"Sure, sounds good. Giles can page if he needs us. Besides it'll keep my mind occupied while we are waiting." Anya and Cordelia collected their things and left for a day of bonding at the mall, leaving Giles alone in the room with two vampires.

They sat in uncomfortable silence for a few moments. Giles finally broke the silence, stammering, "I, I think perhaps, I should go out also. With three vampires in the house, I doubt we have enough blood. I'll be back in an hour." With that he to walked out the door leaving Spike and Angel alone.

After a moment, Spike spoke. "I should go and check on my childe." He walked quickly up the stairs and into Willow's room, taking what had become his chair by the bed.

Angel followed, and much as Willow had done the previous night simply watched Spike with Xander for a time. Spike's features had softened. The harshness created by anger, pain and bitterness, had faded from his face. His touch on Xander's hair was gentle and protective, but there was also an element of possessiveness to it. Turning his attention to Xander, Angel began to notice the effects of the change on the young man. Xander was perfect. Any injury he had was completely healed. His skin was smooth and flawless, having paled to the purest of ivories. It almost seemed to glow. His dark hair had taken on a richer sheen than it had ever seen in life. He appeared perfect. Surprised, Angel turned his full attention back to his own childe. The worst of Spike's injuries could still be seen as angry bruises. His own healing was not complete. Angel walked into the room and took the chair across from Spike, again echoing Willow's earlier actions. "Spike, how much blood did you give him?" Spike couldn't understand the emotions he heard in Angel's voice. There was admiration there, wonder, and underlying it all a touch of concern.

"As much as I bloody well could. Every ounce I could spare. I wanted the boy to be a childe, a true childe. Not a minion." Spike's own answer was matter of fact, no emotion revealed.

"You have my boy. He's perfect. He'll be as strong as you when he wakes. You've made him more than a childe. You've made an equal, a master from the start. Between his strength and his soul, he'll be difficult to control. I hope you don't have any plans to become a dominant sire." Again Angel's voice, and this time even his words confused Spike. He couldn't even remember how long ago it had been that his sire had called him, "my boy." There was respect and a little bit of awe in his voice. Those things confused Spike.

Angel himself was a little confused by his reaction. He was proud of Spike. Instinctively he had created an extremely powerful vampire, a companion. It was something Angelus had never managed. He had sired Penn and expected and trained a submissive childe. When he turned Dru, he made her strong just as Spike had done with Xander, but he had broken her first. His truest companion and favorite childe had always been Spike, who was not really his. Drusilla had made him strong, Angelus had made him ruthless. His entire being was still divided over how to feel about Spike. A part of him regretted the turning, Spike had killed so many, and would again given the chance. Indirectly Angel had brought that evil into the world. But another part of him craved the companionship they had offered each other when the women in their family had been away. He needed that.

While, Angel's own thoughts were still turning in his head, Spike responded. "He is perfect. I never expected us to have a traditional Sire/Childe relationship, the soul and chip would have prevented that, but I am still his sire. We'll figure something out. Being a sire gives me certain rights and responsibilities. They aren't cancelled out by his soul or my chip." Spike was determined. He wanted to be a good sire. They both fell into their thoughts. Each unknown to the other was remembering the same incident. The night William swore he would never sire a childe.

Less than a month after he had been turned, Spike already had almost full control over the demon. He had far more control than Angelus would ever develop. Drusilla barely had enough sense to take care of herself, so Angelus had taken it upon himself to train the young vampire. Looking back Angel knew that he had treated Spike much more harshly than he had any of his own childer. Spike was his favorite, nearly his equal. He wanted him to be the best vampire in history. The most cruel. So he was very cruel with Spike. He was also a little afraid of that. Afraid that William could be his favorite even though he had not turned him. Afraid of the fact that William was nearly as strong as he was, and already better at controlling the demon. And most of all afraid of the nearly physical need he had to spend time with William, to simply enjoy his presence. His fear made him even more cruel. Now after all of this time Angel regretted that cruelty. Regretted the pain he had caused. It was one of the things that he felt guilt for every day of his existence.

Spike had always known he was different from most vampires. He could control the demon inside him. It was the only reason he could survive with this damned chip in his head. He wasn't ruled by the urges of the demon. Sure he enjoyed chaos and violence, but he could control it. He didn't need it like most of them did. He had heard that some of the older vamps were like that, but he'd never met one. That night he'd been a vampire for one month and 12 days. His own sire Dru, had practically ignored him for all of that time. Angelus, Drusilla's sire, had decided that William needed to be trained as a vampire. At times there interaction was fun, enjoyable. William believed that this new sire liked him, and was proud of him. No one had ever really made him feel like that before. But then there were the other times. Times when Angelus would turn mean, he would hurt William, but the physical pain was the least of it. Angelus would tell William how he was useless, and a poor excuse for a vampire. There was no way to tell what would make Angelus the friend, become Angelus the disciplinarian, no rules William could live by to assure that he didn't come. The uncertainty was it's own special kind of torture. Spike didn't mind being submissive to his sire, he expected it, was comfortable with it. But the shift from loving companion to brutal punisher was more than he could handle. He had hated it, and was afraid it would break him. It didn't; he survived, became Spike. Most of the time, Spike didn't mourn the loss of William. In many ways William was weak, living in a fantasy world. Spike was strong, and firmly rooted in reality. But a part of Spike missed William, would like to have kept that fantasy. Something, perhaps a look, or his tone of voice had set Angelus off this night. It had been a particularly brutal beating. Something in William snapped that night, it was the first step in his conversion to Spike. Instead of crawling off to sleep and heal, when Angelus was through with him, he spoke. "Why do you do this." Angelus had answered him coldly, dispassionately, "It's the nature of the bond." This sent Spike into a fury of his own, it was probably very lucky for Angelus that there wasn't a stake nearby, William would have killed him. Instead after fighting for a moment he simply stopped and said in a quiet voice that held an edge of steel to it, a new strength. "If it is truly the nature of the bond, then I will never create a childe. I would never condemn another creature to this. I can't." He'd turned and left before Angelus could beat him again. Spike had remained faithful to that promise. He never created childer, minions, but never children. He promised himself, he would not treat Xander as he had been treated.

Angel could remember telling Spike that his actions were the natural result of their bond, but watching his childe with Xander, he knew that was not true. He'd believed it when he said it. It was more or less the way his own sire, Darla had trained him. But now he knew that it was the only way. He also knew that Spike would not give in to it. Spike would train his childe with the same care and gentleness he was showing now. Angel was scared again, in some ways he realized his childe, even without a soul was a better person than he was. He had no reason to control the demon, no reason to fight it, no guilt for giving in to it. But he fought it anyway, because it was right. Not that he was good and virtuous, he wasn't. If he did not have that chip in his head, he would be killing innocent people every night, but they were his food, he refused to look at them as anything else. Whenever he did, he was unable to kill them. Angel was secure that even without the chip Spike would never actually kill Buffy, or Willow, because he saw them as something more than dinner, he couldn't eat a person. He could only eat a meal.

Angel and Spike had been sitting quiet with their thoughts for about 20 minutes when they heard a noise. Spike immediately got up and went to see what it was. He made it about halfway down the hall, Angel right behind him, when Willow stuck her head out the door to the guest room. She looked tired, and a little rumpled, but healthy. Her voice came out strong and clear, "Give me a second to get changed Spike." She saw Angel behind him. "Angel you're here. I'll be out in a minute, we'll talk. Then I'm sure you guys need some sleep. What is it like noon?"

"12:15 pet. We'll be downstairs, in the kitchen. We are going to fix you breakfast luv." Spike's voice and words were tender, concerned, but mostly relieved. It seemed Willow really was alright. Spike and Angel went downstairs to the kitchen.

"Okay, what are we going to fix for breakfast." Angel looked a little perplexed.

"Eggs, eggs are easy, and toast." Spike started working, getting breakfast ready for the girl he was completely and totally in love with.

They cooked in silence, both still a little shook up by their thoughts of a few moments ago. Willow came into the room a moment later, her hair damp from a shower. "Food, thanks guys." Willow sat down and ate. She was hungry.  She ate in silence the two vampires watching her. When she finished, she asked, "Who cooked?"

Angel answered her, "Spike. He did it all. I just watched."

Willow turned to Spike, "Spike, Thank you, for breakfast, for everything." She spoke softly, and it was clear she was speaking of much more than the food.

Spike smiled at her and said in such a low tone he was sure, only Angel would here, "Anything, I'd do anything for you." Willow's hearing must have been better than Spike thought, because Willow blushed, and turned away.

Angel had watched their interaction carefully. Willow was at ease with Spike, and it was obvious that she did care about him, but Angel didn't believe she was in love with him. He was distracted and a little surprised when Willow's next words were directed at him "Angel, you came. I'm glad. I know you and Xander didn't always get along, he hated you with a passion, might be more accurate, but I think he'll need your help now."

"Of course I came Willow. Xander may not have liked me, and I have to say, I wasn't overly fond of him, but he was important to me. He's important to me because he is important to you and Buffy. I care for him because you do. I'll help him anyway I can. I'll stay as long as it takes. It will be hard for him. Learning to control the demon is difficult all by itself, but the emotional stress the soul will cause is worse. Just the fact that he has the urge to do things will make him feel guilt. He'll adjust, but it will take some time. Until he does, I'll be here for him, and the rest of you." Angel had spoken quietly, in the most reassuring tone he could find.

Willow went to Angel and wrapped her arms around him hugging him tightly, her tears dampening his shirt. "Thank you Angel, thank you so much."

Angel hugged Willow back and whispered into her hair, "It's alright little one. I do it for you. Anything for you." unconsciously echoing Spike's earlier words. Hearing Spike's low rumbling growl, Angel let go of Willow and took a step back, putting some distance between them. "Are you sure you're okay Willow. Giles was concerned that you channeled to much energy last night."

Willow was a little puzzled at why Angel had pulled away from her, but he was concerned so she answered him, "I'm fine Angel. In fact I feel kinda glowy from all of the power. It was good. I was good. I think I'm getting better at this stuff." Willow was self-assured and confident. Last night had proven to her that she could be a powerful witch, and that she could take control of a situation. Both of those things were new to her, but they were already wiping out the insecurities that had plagued her for so long.

Just then they heard the front door open. Giles was back. He walked into the kitchen. He could barely see where he was going, looking only at a small bit of floor, because the blood bags were piled to high in the box. "Spike, Angel, could you put this in the refrigerator please." Angel reached out and took the box from Giles. He looked around and noticed Willow. "Willow, you're awake. Are you quite alright? I was concerned, that was a great deal of power you were manipulating last night. Do you feel at all drained?"

"Yes, I'm up, Yes, I'm alright, No I don't feel drained. I was just telling Angel, I feel kinda glowy from the power, warm, tingly. It's a good feeling. Did Buffy get the demon? Where is everyone anyway?" Willow, was already growing tired of telling people she was fine, but didn't let her impatience shine through. Giles was worried about her, she thought it was rather sweet. "Actually before, we get into a long conversation, I think the vampires in the room need to go get some sleep. I figure Xander will be awake shortly after sunset and that's only about 6 hours away. Go sleep." She put just a trace of the command she had used last night in her voice.

"We do need sleep, but where do you want us to go." Angel asked. He really didn't know Willow's house that well, and certainly didn't know where she would feel comfortable with him sleeping.

"It's only a 3 bedroom house. You guys are so, not sleeping in my parents' room. I guess the two of you can take the guest room. It's where I was. You'll have to share the bed, but hey, It's a Queen, should be big enough, and it only has the one window, thoroughly vampire-proofed." It was really the only place Willow could think of. It didn't even occur to her, that Angel and Spike might not be comfortable sharing a bed. Giles on the other hand nearly choked on his coffee, when he heard her suggestion.

For a moment the two vampires just stared at her. Finally Spike broke the silence, "Alright pet, the guest room. I'm sure it will be fine. It's just for this one day anyway. We'll all figure out better sleeping arrangements later. Come on Angel, let's get some sleep." He turned and walked out of the room. Angel stared at his retreating figure for a moment before following him.

"Willow, I'm not sure, if that was a good idea." Giles sounds decidedly worried. In truth he's afraid they'll hurt one another before the night is through.

"They'll be fine Giles, Let's go sit, and you can tell me where everyone is and how Buffy did with the demon." Willow still doesn't see what the big deal is. It's not like the two of them never shared a bed in their lives. They'd survive. Giles shook his head at her naivete, but walked back out into the living room, and sat down on the couch. Willow followed and sat in a chair across from him.

"Buffy killed the demon. She was out all night. She was tired, so she went home to sleep. She'll be back before sunset. Cordelia came with Angel. She and Anya seem to get along rather well. They went shopping I believe. I of course went to get a bigger blood supply. You're sure you're alright." Giles really didn't want to get into the details about what happened before Buffy went home. He was hoping Willow wouldn't ask. She didn't. Instead she let the conversation lapse, and they sat in an oddly comforting, and comfortable silence.

Meanwhile upstairs, their was a much less civil exchange taking place. "What are we going to do, Spike. I know you don't want to share a bed with me." Angel asked, truly not knowing what Spike's answer would be. Angel almost wanted to offer to sleep on the floor, but he wouldn't. He was Spike's sire, and that did still mean something. He wouldn't give up the bed."

"I don't know about you, you bloody wanker, but I'm going to do exactly what I said, sleep. Red's right, it's a bloody queen-size bed, surely we can stay on our own sides. Now, I'm going to sleep." Spike was sarcastic. He was also exhausted, which was the only reason he hadn't pressed for some alternate, sleeping arrangement. He slid under the blankets and lay down on one side of the bed. As soon as he did, he realized another problem with sleeping here, it smelled of Willow. Well, he would enjoy it. Hopefully, it would make his dreams pleasant.

Angel simply stared at Spike in shock for a moment. He then shrugged, slid under the blankets on his own side of the bed, and closed his eyes, trying to sleep. He couldn't. The events of the last hours were still chasing around inside of his head. A boy that at one time he could not stand, but who he had grown to respect had died, been turned, and given his soul. The childe, he was so sure he knew, had changed, maybe it was the chip, or maybe he had really changed after all of this time. That childe was in love with a human girl. A girl that he felt unreasonably protective of, and who's scent hung in the sheets around him, causing tantalizing sensations that Angel could not quite place. He had called his own relationship with and feelings for Buffy into question several times in just the last several hours. His world was turning upside down, and he didn't know what to do about it. There was no way he could sleep.

Spike on the other hand was to exhausted to dwell on the events of the past night. He fell to sleep immediately. Unfortunately said events effected him in other ways. Instead of the pleasant dreams of Willow he had been hoping for, he was being tormented by nightmares. Mostly they were memories, every dream ended with the memory of that night. The night he had sworn to never make a childe. He shook, and cried out in his sleep.

Angel noticed, and wanted to comfort him, but was not sure quite how. In the old days he would have held him, probably more, but now, he was afraid that would anger Spike. He couldn't touch his childe anymore, his child hated him. So instead he sat there, wondering what to do, watching Spike suffer. Somehow, he knew what the dreams were. He knew that Spike was dreaming all of the times Angelus had hurt him, and especially that night, when he had broken William forever. He watched, and finally couldn't stand to watch any more, he slowly, carefully, reached across the bed and pulled Spike's body in close to his own. Just holding him, brushing his hair, willing him to be calm. And it worked, within minutes Spike had calmed, he no longer shook with fear and pain. He no longer cried out in his sleep. Angel signed and finally fell asleep, Spike still wrapped in his arms.

About 5:00 pm Buffy returned to the Rosenberg house arriving at almost the same moment as Anya and Cordelia.  They walked through the front door. Things were very quiet, almost too quiet. Buffy called out, "Giles, we're back. Are you here?" tension was evident in her voice and posture. When she didn't receive a response she began to walk through the house. When she reached the living room she stopped, the other two girls directly behind her. Willow was sleeping in a chair, and across from her Giles was sprawled on the couch also sound asleep. Buffy's expression softened as she saw her watcher and her best friend both peacefully sleeping.

"Buffy we should wake them. The sun will be down within the hour, and we all should b awake when Xander wakes up." Cordelia spoke calmly. She had dealt with things in her own way. Mostly it was simply by knowing Anya. The girl was completely unruffled by the fact that Xander was now a vampire. She accepted that things would change, it would be different. Because she could, Cordelia would as well.

Anya went to Willow, and gently shook her awake, while Buffy went to Giles and woke him. "Hey guys, we're back, it's getting late." Buffy spoke softly not wanting to startle the barely awake watcher.

"I'm awake. Really I am." Willow, was giggling as Anya continued to shake her, and poke at her.

"Good, now if we could just get the watcher man up and running things would be great." Anya was exasperated.

Willow giggled, "I think he needs caffeine. He hasn't had much sleep you know."

"Caffeine  right, I'll make coffee." Cordelia just wanted to be useful. She still wasn't sure why Angel had brought her along on this trip, though she had to confess, she was grateful for it.

Upstairs Spike was just beginning to pull away from sleep. He had never woken up easily, it was always a long slow process. First he became aware of the scents around him, he smelled Willow, and his sire. Next he began to be aware of touch. He realized he was being held against  another man's chest, cradled like a child. He woke quickly from there, realizing the implications. He leaped out of bed and yelled angrily at Angel, "Can't follow even the simplest instruction, can you. I only asked for one thing, and you agreed, that you stay on your side. What the fuck were you doing anyway." Spike wasn't really sure what he was angry about, but he was. He'd think about it later.

Angel had been soundly sleeping when the bundle in his arms suddenly moved, jolting him awake. He caught the general tone of Spike's words, but not the actual words. He had known that Spike would be angry with him. He'd hoped it would be different, but he had expected this. When he answered Spike, it was in cool, soothing tones. "You were dreaming Spike. Nightmares. I couldn't watch you suffer. You said earlier that being a sire gave you certain responsibilities, I have those too. It was my responsibility to comfort you. I did, the only way I know how. Come on, let's go downstairs." Angel didn't wait for a response. He just got up and walked away.

Spike sat back down on the edge of the bed. He was shaking. He wasn't really sure why anymore, whether it was out of anger or fear, or something else. He took a few minutes to get himself calmed down, before getting back up, and following Angel down the stairs.

When Angel reached the living room, he immediately began speaking again. "I'm glad you are all here. Xander will need everyone of you in the weeks to come. Tonight though, Xander will be dangerous. The Blood lust, the Hunger will hit him for the first time when he wakes. Even with the soul, he won't be able to stop himself from attacking a human. When Xander wakes up, it has to be just Spike and I in that room. Do you all understand." Angel's voice was commanding. Everyone listened, but there was a history here, and he would not get blind obedience.

"It is true, the Watcher diaries say that is what a new fledgling is like, still I'd say at least some of us are more than capable of defending ourselves against a fledgling vampire, no matter who's childe he is." Giles sounded confident. He truly wanted more people to be present when Xander woke.

"Yeah, I'm the slayer, I think I can handle one fledgling." Buffy was back in her defensive bitchiness mode.

"I'm sure you could, but when that fledgling had Xander's face, could you. I doubt it, and I know Willow couldn't. They are really the only two humans in this room, I think could handle Xander. He may be a fledgling, but he's not a typical one. Spike gave him more blood than is normal, even for making a childe. Xander will be physically as strong as Spike, but uncontrolled. The demon will have complete dominion over his actions. Buffy is a slayer and as she says can handle herself. Willow's magic could be used to restrain him, but neither would willfully hurt Xander. No, it has to be just the two of us."  Angel, spoke calmly. He had decided the best way to proceed was to simply lay out the facts. He was surprised when Spike was the next to speak.

"Bloody Pouf's right. You couldn't stake him, even if he didn't have his soul, but he does. There's no way you'd be able to stake him, and as little control as he'll have, you'd have to if you wanted to stay alive. The two of us, no one else." Spike echoed Angel's tone.

"Okay, just let us know what happens. We are going to stay here." Willow spoke for the group, and falling into the pattern that had become familiar to them in the last 24 hours, the rest of the group simply followed her lead. They nodded, and some of them vocalized their agreement, but all of them followed . Willow's lead.

"We'll go on up then. Sunset isn't that far away. We'll take some blood with us. We'll let you know how things go." Spike didn't pause for a response. He walked into the kitchen and pulled out several blood bags. He then began the climb up the stairs to Willow's room yet again. And again, Angel simply followed him.

They sat in the chairs on either side of the bed, waiting for Xander to wake. Neither said anything, but it wasn't the uncomfortable silence they usually shared, it was just waiting quietly. They didn't have to wait long. In less than 15 minutes Xander began to wake. Soon he was sitting in the bed in full vamp face. He looked back and forth between Spike and Angel. His eyes finally settled on Spike's. "Sire." He waited for Spike's approval, which was given with a nod, "I'm hungry."
 

~Part: Five~ Conflict, Resolution

"I'm hungry." There was need in that voice. No other emotion just need. Xander was a new vampire and had to have blood quickly.

"I know, Xander. You'll eat soon." Spike softly reassured him. while Angel prepared the blood bags for Xander.

"Xander, here, I want you to drink this." Angel handed him a glass filled with blood. It was cold, but heating it would have meant them moving to the kitchen, and Angel didn't want to risk it. Xander obediently took the glass and swallowed the entire contents in one gulp.

"More. Now, please" Xander was still hungry. Angel prepared another glass of blood for him. This continued until Xander had drank nearly the equivalent of the blood in a full-grown human's body. Then Spike went to him again.

"Xander, I want you to drink from me." Spike remembered that drinking from your sire, strengthened the bond. He also knew that part of the need was the desire to rip at flesh, and blood in a glass didn't take care of that need. Xander however looked hesitant. He wanted too it was clear, but he didn't know if he should. "It's okay Xander. You can't hurt me. I want this." To prove his point he moved a little closer, and tilted his head back exposing his neck. Xander watched him for a moment before pulling him even closer and sliding his fangs into that exposed flesh. He was almost overwhelmed at the first taste of his sire's blood. There was strength to it, that had been missing from the bagged blood. He drank for a long time, before he felt himself being gently pulled away by Angel's hands.

"That's enough Xander. Spike is still weak. He needs the rest of his blood." Angel spoke as he would to a child, which is essentially what Xander was. What he would be for a few days at least.

"It's alright Angel. He didn't take too much. You did fine Xander." Spike's tone was meant to reassure both Xander and Angel. It seemed to work with Xander, but it was far too low and breathy for Angel's comfort.

"Spike, you seem to have a habit of overindulging your childe's need for sire's blood. I don't want to see you hurt. Make him take a little less next time okay." Angel was truly concerned. He felt like Spike would have let Xander drink until he was nearly drained, before he would have stopped it. Spike had to control Xander.

Spike ignored Angel, turning to Xander, "Xander, what can you remember?" He needed to know how much to talk about. Xander would eventually remember his whole life, but most vampires woke up remembering very little.

His need sated, Xander's human features slid back into place. "I remember, I was fighting. Vampires lots of them. You were with me. A woman she tried to kill me. We weren't out there to fight the vampires. We were supposed to be fighting something else, helping a girl, Buffy. That's all." Xander seemed confused, disoriented. He knew there was more, but he just couldn't make that information come.

"It's alright Xander, you'll remember. It will just take a little time is all." Spike reassured his childe. Turning to Angel he said, "I think you should go down and talk to the others. Between the memory and his thirst, I don't think it's a good idea if he sees them tonight. Maybe in a few days." Spike spoke quietly. He didn't want to scare Xander, or make him think there was anything wrong with him. He also wanted Angel gone for a little while. He needed to bond with his childe, and didn't want his own sire looking over his shoulder.

Angel nodded, and went to the door. Just as he was about to leave, he heard Spike's voice call to him, "Angel." He turned and looked. "I won't say this again, so you better listen the first time. Thank you." His words seemed strained but genuine.

Angel smiled just a little and answered, "You're welcome." He then turned and went downstairs to speak to the humans in this group.

When Angel walked into the living room he was met by 5 pairs of expectant and rather anxious eyes. Wanting to quickly reassure them he spoke. "He's awake. He's going to be okay."

Before Angel could continue Buffy was on her feet, heading towards the stairs. Angel reached out and grabbed her wrist. "Let go of me Angel. I want to see Xander." Buffy sounded annoyed that Angel would restrain her. The girl was used to getting her way, always.

Angel did not release his hold on her, but he spoke gently. "Sit down Buffy. We need to talk. You can't go up there right now."

"I can go wherever I damn well please. I'm going to go see Xander now." Buffy was angry now. She wanted to see her friend with her own eyes, verify that he was indeed awake and doing fine. But still Angel would not let her go.

Instead he nearly flung her at the couch. He was angry now. The other's could see his eyes flickering with gold. His control was tenuous at best. "I said to sit down, now." He turned to Giles who was sitting there stunned. "Giles, would you please tell her what an average fledgling is like, considering she obviously doesn't want to hear anything I have to say. Maybe she'll listen to you."

Cordelia almost laughed at that, "I guess there could be a first time for everything."  Buffy shot her glare that made most people back down, but Cordelia merely smiled at her.

"Yes, of course Angel. Buffy, everyone. I should tell you as Angel said, what a fledgling is like. When they first wake they are consumed by the hunger the need. It's all that matters. There is never another time when the demon is as close to the surface as it is immediately after the change. They have no control over it at all. They are a raging mass of flesh. They also tend to have very few memories of the life they left behind. Those memories rebuild themselves in a matter of weeks, sometimes months, but they aren't there upon waking. Many fledgling vampires don't even know their own names." He spoke using an academic tone, again distancing himself from the fact that Xander a young man, he'd grown to love as a friend, was the vampire in question.  If nothing else though his words had the intended effect on Buffy. She was now sitting quietly on the couch.

"Thank you Giles. Now that I have everyone's attention, let me tell you what's different about Xander. First let me tell you why anything is different about Xander. It isn't the soul not yet. The Hunger is too powerful for the soul at this stage. No, Xander is different because of the way Spike sired him. He gave him a lot of blood. More blood than was really necessary to make Xander a childe. The side effect of that is that Xander has more characteristics of Spike already. First, he's better able to control the demon than many older vampires. Spike always had amazing control, and it seems he passed that on to his childe. Second, He has a good portion of his memory back. He remembers what he was doing when he died. He remembers that he was helping Buffy. That's significantly more than anything I've seen a new fledgling remember. And finally, he's much stronger than most fledglings. He's as strong, physically as Spike.  These things make it a bad idea for you to go see him now. Yes he has better control than most, but the hunger is still the strongest thing right now. Yes he remembers you Buffy, but if you go up there now, his instincts will kick in. You are the slayer. He will try to kill you, and you will have to kill him to stop him. The hunger makes him even stronger right now, like a human with an adrenaline rush. Spike made Xander feed from him. Spike would have allowed Xander to drain him. I had to pull him off, and it took every bit of my strength to do it. Xander is dangerous now. You have to give it some time." Angel's voice regained that steady reassurance he had used earlier. His anger drained out of him. He was surprised when it was Willow who spoke next.

"Okay, Angel. I understand, he has to grow up a little bit. Giles, Buffy I think maybe you should go home. Get some rest. We have everything under control here. Anya, I hate to ask you to leave, but I've done my share of reading too. I know that the hunger and lust are very often tied together, I think maybe it would be a good thing if you weren't around just now. Cordelia, maybe you should go with her. Take care of her. Anya needs a friend right now. I can do a spell that will mask my heartbeat, even from a vampire's ears. He won't know I'm human, won't want to feed from me. Angel and Spike will stay here to look after Xander." Willow slipped easily back into the tone of command she had used the night before. This was all hitting Buffy way too hard, for her to be in charge. Giles was still in shock, and no one seemed to trust Angel enough for him to be in charge. Well somebody had to be.

Angel just stared at her. He had heard from both Spike and Giles that Willow had taken command last night, but he couldn't really believe it. Now he saw it, and saw why his Childe loved her. To command took a fire, that few people had, Willow did. When she harnessed that, people did as she told them. Angel knew that if her words had been directed at him, he would have unquestioning done as she asked. Everyone but Buffy, seemed to be doing this. Anya and Cordelia gathered up their things. Giles stood and looked ready to go. Buffy however just stared at Willow as though she had grown a 3rd head. "You want me to leave you in this house alone with three vampires. It's not going to happen Willow."

"Buffy, just go. Two of these vampires have souls. Angel is well in control. Spike can't hurt me because he has the chip. I already told you I can shield my heartbeat. I don't think Xander will attack something without a heartbeat. Even if he does, I can restrain him with my magic. You'd have no choice but to kill him. You can't be here right now. Go, I'll keep you informed." Willow had upped the level of the command in her voice. It was not gentle guidance anymore, this was an order pure and simple. Even Buffy responded to it this time.

"Fine I'm going, but don't expect me to just sit around and do nothing. You call me if anything happens."  Buffy was going. She wasn't going to fight, but she wasn't going to make this pleasant for any of them either. She turned and for the second time that day stormed out of the Rosenberg house.

Willow turned back to the others and her voice softened, "Please everyone. It's been a long day. I know I need some sleep. I imagine the three of you do as well. I promise I'll call if there is any change here."

Giles nodded and left without another word. Anya also left silently, but enveloped Willow in a tight hug, before walking out the door. Cordelia was the only one who spoke. "Wow, looks like you left the shy little mousy girl I knew in high school behind for good. I'm proud of you Willow. I'll talk to you tomorrow." Cordelia's voice held awe and genuine pride for her friend. It was amazing to Willow how much both of them had changed since high school.

Angel looked at Willow in amazement for a moment longer before speaking again. "Thank you Willow. That was effective." He trailed off not knowing just what to say.

"I never knew I could do that until last night. Kinda scary actually, but I like it. I like the way I feel, when I'm in control. I'm going to get some sleep Angel. I'm taking my parents room tonight. You can have the guest room. Spike can stay with Xander or you, whichever he prefers. Goodnight Angel." Willow gives Angel a swift hug, and walks upstairs before Angel can respond.

In barely a whisper he answered her words, "Goodnight Little One." Again his thoughts were swirling. Spike had accused him of being in love with the girl, and he had denied it. Still he couldn't deny that her display of power tonight had effected him. He was definitely attracted to the girl, but he loved Buffy, even if he didn't like her very much this trip. Angel sighed and went back upstairs to face said childe again.

"I could hear what happened. My Red sent them all home. She did good. Do you thing this spell idea of hers will work?" Spike's pride in Willow was clear, but he was concerned about her.

"I think so. She should be able to make it appear that she has no heartbeat. Xander has enough control, that he won't attack just because she looks human. If he didn't he would have attacked me instead of asking you for food. You did a good job Spike. You made a strong and beautiful childe. Willow offered me the guest room, and I didn't get much sleep before, I'm going to go sit and read for a little while then go to sleep. You're welcome to share the room, but I thought you might want to stay with your childe." Angel's voice was deep and soothing. Reassuring Spike that everything was going well, that they would all be okay.

Spike nodded, "I'm going to try to get him to sleep. It's been a rough night for him, and dawn isn't that far away." Spike was still concerned about his childe's well being. He wanted him to be okay, really okay.

Angel knew that Spike wanted to be left alone, so he did exactly as he'd said he'd do. He went back to the guest room, read for a while about hunting packs, something about that attack still bothered him, and finally drifted off to sleep, just as the sun was rising. Maybe an hour later he heard a soft whimpering sound. It woke him up, he'd always been a light sleeper. He got up to investigate, and realized that the sound was coming from Willow's room, the one that Spike and Xander were currently occupying. He went and opened the door. Spike was quite obviously dreaming again, but the sounds were not coming from him. Xander was lying in the corner of the bed whimpering. Spike had somehow scared him with the dreams.

Angel tried to calm and quiet Xander, but nothing was working. He realized that until Spike was calm Xander would remain scared. He knew it was a bad idea, knew it even as he slid onto the bed next to Spike, but what else could he do. He had to calm Xander down, and Xander needed his sire calm to calm down himself. So, for the second night in a row Angel gathered Spike up in his arms and gently stroked his hair and back until the dreams went away. Xander then crawled up next to them and slid his own arms around Spike, the presence of his now peaceful sire soothing him. Angel fully intended to get up and go back to his own bed, but he was so tired. He hadn't really slept for nearly two days now. He drifted off to sleep before he could make his body obey his mind.

At nearly noon the next day, Willow woke up again. She quickly chanted the spell that would mask her heartbeat and went to check on Spike and Xander. When she opened the door to her room she was surprised to find all three vampires asleep in her small bed. They were wrapped around each other as though holding on for dear life. Willow smiled at the sight. They looked so innocent in sleep, and yet each of their personalities were evident. Angel was the grand protector. Somehow he had managed to get his arms around both Xander and Spike. It was as though he was shielding them from anything bad. Spike was wrapped possessively around his childe needing to prove even in sleep that Xander belonged to him. Xander did not hold onto either of them but snuggled into their embraces basking in the fact that others cared about him. Poor Xander had been denied the normal love a child was given, he craved caring now. She didn't know how they had all ended up together, and was quite frankly rather amazed that they hadn't fallen out of her rather small bed, but they seemed to have found what they each needed. She stepped back out of the room and gently closed the door going downstairs to get herself some breakfast.
 

~Part: Six~ Beginnings

Angel woke up slowly, becoming aware of the things around him. Two beautiful held in his arms. He would have liked to have stayed there, but he remembered Spike's reaction from the day before. He had done what he came to do. He had calmed Spike and by extension Xander. It was time for him to go. He slipped quietly out of the bed, and went back to the small guest bedroom he had used earlier. Taking care not to wake Xander or Spike.

Angel quickly showered and dressed before going to find Willow. He knew she must have already performed her spell, because he couldn't hear her heartbeat. He found her in the kitchen. She had slept late, and was famished. When she noticed Angel she jumped up and got him some blood from the refrigerator. "Hey Angel. Want some breakfast? You're up early." She sounded completely back to her normal babbling self today.

Angel smiled and took the blood from Willow, moving to heat it. "Thank you Willow. I adjusted to earlier hours in LA. This is pretty normal for me. What is it a little after noon?"

"Almost 1:00 actually. Angel, I saw you all, asleep. You all looked so peaceful, happy. I've never seen any of you look that way before, not even in your sleep. Was it like that before, with Spike? You don't have to answer  that, I'm just curious." Willow was nervous. She wasn't sure if this was a question Angel would be comfortable with, but she did want to know. Spike would never talk about it, she was sure of that.

Angel spoke gently. It was actually something he'd been forced to think about recently. Had things ever really been good between himself and his childe. Maybe it would help to talk. "I don't know, Willow. He didn't always hate me, but I can't really say we were ever really at peace either. You said last night that you had done quite a bit of reading and then mentioned the connection between lust and blood. I just want to know how much you found out. I don't want to upset you. Give you information you didn't really want." Angel was starting to ramble. Willow was such an innocent and some of the things he was about to tell her could bring along pretty graphic imagery. He didn't know if she was prepared for that.

"It's okay Angel. Really, I have done a lot of reading. I know that vampires don't have the same gender hang-ups that most humans do. I also know that the Sire/Childe bond traditionally had a sexual component. I always assumed that you and Spike had that." Willow spoke gently, reassuring Angel that she was ready for whatever he would say.

"Dru was Spike's sire, you know. She turned him, but he was always my childe. She was in no condition to train him, I took on that responsibility, and I loved him. I still do. He is so much stronger than any other vampire I've ever known. He was my favorite childe. I cared more for him than either of my own childer. Penn was a mistake, pure and simple. He was too dependent. Dru was a fragile child, and I cared for her. Spike was my equal, my companion. The demon railed against that. I was very hard on Spike, held him to a higher standard than the others. But in the good times, a look or a smile was all I needed and I was lost, he could control me that easily. The Demon wanted him to hurt, wanted to take that power away from him. I tortured him Willow, sometimes for days. For months after he was turned, he stayed William, and he was mostly like the man before, just stronger, more confident. I made him into Spike, I broke him finally. He has never been the same after that, He has been harder, more defiant. And still he loved me. It wasn't until I abandoned him that he started to hate me. And now, I'll never be able to make what I did up to him. I can remember touching him Willow, and I want that back, but different. I want to touch my childe, with all the reverence the demon wouldn't allow me to show before. I want him to know how much I love him, but he won't allow it. It's okay, I've come to terms with that fact, but it still hurts." Angel couldn't remember the last time he had said so much at one time. He didn't think he had ever said so much about his past. The pain and regret was evident in his voice, and although he didn't realize it tears had started to trail down his cheeks.

Small warm hands were suddenly  on his, holding them gently. Angel looked up into beautiful green eyes and found compassion there. "He doesn't hate you Angel. If Spike didn't love you the past wouldn't hurt him so much. Thank you for telling me. It helps me understand some things. Spike will be a good sire. He told me once that you had been a good sire. He meant what he said, but there was something in his voice that told me he would be different."

"Thanks Willow, for listening. Spike will be a good sire. He doesn't have the desire to dominate that I did. He'll do a much better job than I ever did, I'm sure. Now what are we going to tell Buffy. She's going to be champing at the bit, if she doesn't get to see Xander, but I still think it's early for that."

"Definitely too early. I think Buffy is going to have the hardest time of all of us dealing with this. Anya is taking it pretty well, and Giles will be fine once the shock wears off, but Buffy is having trouble. She never really understood that your soul has to fight the demon for control, so she thinks everything with Xander should be easy, but it won't be." Willow had always known that Buffy saw the world in front of her as absolutes. Therefore vampires were evil. Souled vampires were good. There was no grey area there. It was a limiting view. She would never be able to see Spike as anything other than a caged animal, no matter how many times he proved to them that he cared. Xander and Angel however had no dark side in her view. Angelus was a completely separate entity in her mind, gone when the soul was in place. Willow knew that it wasn't that simple. The soul restrained the demon, but it was just as much a part of Angel as ever.

Angel was impressed at Willow's understanding. She understood something he found it impossible to explain. She was able to see Angelus and Angel as too distinct people, but also to see that the demon would always be a part of him. "And you Little One, you've been a pillar of strength. I don't know how the others would have gotten through this without you."

"It had to be done. Somebody had to take charge, and no one else was. I didn't do anything special just what was necessary." Willow truly believed that. She didn't think her actions over the last two days had been anything spectacular.

The two of them sat and quietly talked, Angel's respect for the girl growing with every word. Spike and Xander woke up about an hour later. Angel heard their movements, and Willow went to prepare them breakfast. When they came downstairs, Willow already had to mugs of warm blood on the counter. Xander quickly drank his and turned to look at Willow.

"Good Morning Xander, do you remember me?" Willow asked softly.

"Willow, you're my best friend. I know you. Why isn't your heart beating?" there was wonder in his voice. He remembered, things were coming back slowly. Willow was his best friend, had been forever. He loved her.

Willow hugged Xander, "Don't worry about it, I'll tell you another time okay. Trust your best friend on this one."

The four of them spent the rest of the day and evening talking, helping Xander to remember his past. It was coming back quickly. That evening Willow called Buffy and let her know that Xander was doing fine, but she couldn't see him yet. It was still too dangerous. Buffy didn't like hearing that, but went along with it anyway. She called Anya and Cordelia essentially the same message, but they took it much better than Buffy had.

This became the pattern for their days. Angel would rise early and spend the early afternoon talking to Willow. The rest of the evenings would be spent with each of them doing what they could for Xander. Spike calming him when the hunger was painful in its intensity, giving him his own blood when the need to bite was too strong. Angel helping with the questions that came. Willow helping him to remember who he was. It was comfortable and they were all enjoying their time together.

Things changed after about a week. Xander's memories were now nearly completely restored. The demon was well under control. His soul had asserted itself. One evening, he sought out Angel alone. When he found him he spoke quietly, "Angel, first I want to thank you. I've never been very nice, actually I've been outright hateful to you. You didn't have to help me. Now, I want to ask you about the things I know you came for. Willow is still shielding her heartbeat from me, probably a good idea. But, I can feel her warmth, Angel. A part of me wants to take her, to drink from her. I won't do it. I have better control than that, but I want to just the same. How do you deal with that? Push the guilt away."

"Xander, I wanted to help you. You don't have to thank me. As for the guilt, you don't. You can't make it go away. Wanting to drink is who you are now, the soul makes you regret that. You just have to keep control of your life. Don't let the guilt control you or consume you. Willow told me once, that she thought more of me as a person, because, I was tempted than she would if I just no longer wanted to do the things that vampires do. She's right, it takes strength to resist the demon, that makes us better people. You'll get used to it, the guilt always nagging at the back of your mind. I'll be here to help you if it gets to be too much." Angel wanted to reassure Xander, let him know that things would get better, but he couldn't lie to him. The guilt would always be there, you just had work through it.

After that, Xander began to spend a portion of each evening with Angel, discussing the unique issues his soul created for him. The rest of the gang was getting impatient, they wanted to see him, but he wasn't ready yet. After another week had passed Willow reversed the spell that had hidden her heartbeat from him. It terrified him at first, how much he wanted to drink from her, but Angel was right, you got used to it, pushed it to the back of your brain. A few days later he talked for a few minutes with Cordelia and Giles who had come to replenish the blood supply. Things were getting easier. He still didn't want to see Buffy though. He couldn't explain it, but he wasn't ready to face her. He didn't know if he could do it. Anya though, he was ready to see her. He loved her and needed to see that she still loved him. He went to Willow, Spike, and Angel and told them his decision. Willow was meeting the girls for lunch the next day and agreed to let them know.

When Willow arrived at the small cafe, she found Anya, Cordelia, and Buffy waiting for her. "Hey guys, am I late?" Willow was fairly certain she wasn't, but it was unusual for the others to be there before her.

"No, no we're just anxious for news. How is Xander?" Cordelia answered her. It was simply amazing to Willow how much Cordy had changed since high school. She really seemed to care about the people around her. She was definitely still Cordelia though. She still had the same caustic tongue, that could humiliate people with a word.

"Xander is fine. He has some news actually. Cordy, he'd like it if you came by tonight. He has some ideas he would like to run by you. I don't know what it's about, he wouldn't tell me."

"Great, I haven't really had a chance to talk to him, since I got here. I've missed him Willow." Cordelia was sincere. She had missed Xander. Missed how his since of humor could lighten even her darkest mood, and missed how his quiet courage and strength was transmitted to the group as a whole.

"What about the rest of us. When do I get to see Xander?" Buffy demanded.

"I don't know Buffy. Xander says he's not ready to see you yet. He's frightened of your reaction. He'll come around but he has to fight his own natural instinct to fear you. Just give him some time." Willow tried to keep her words gentle. She knew Buffy wasn't going to take this well, but she wanted her friend to understand.

"What the hell, is this. Everyone gets to see Xander except for his girlfriend and me. I've saved his life more times than I can count and now he's afraid of me." Buffy was angry.

"Actually he wants to see Anya tomorrow. That was the other part of my message from him. He's kept her away, because of the lust factor. Sex and blood are very closely tied for a vampire. He thinks he will be able to control that now. He won't be alone with her for a while yet, but he is ready to see her. Buffy, you have to understand, his reaction to you is instinct. You are the slayer, your destiny is to kill his kind. So he is afraid of you." She was still being gentle. Still hoping that Buffy could understand.

Cordelia was more direct, "Besides, Buffy, It's not like you've been Miss Sensitivity all these years."

"This is ridiculous. I refuse to listen to anymore of it. I'm leaving." Buffy got up and stormed away from the table. Leaving three rather flustered girls behind.

"Well, she took that about as well, as I expected." Willow said calmly.

Anya and Cordelia both laughed out loud at that. "Yeah, that went real well. Oh well, we are going to see him." Cordelia was ecstatic at the prospect of seeing her friend in a few hours.

"Tomorrow, I'll finally get to see him, to touch him, tomorrow. God, the waiting has been hard." Anya sounded wistful, she'd been waiting a long while now, for this.

"I know it has. Anya, are you going to be okay with this. It has changed him you know. He's not the same as he was before. You too Cordy. I just want you to be aware." Willow's voice was serious. She didn't think she could stand it if Xander were hurt by the reactions of his friends.

"I expected it to change him. I mean come on, he died, that has to be a perspective-altering experience doesn't it. It'll be okay, because all of the things that made him Xander are still there. We'll deal." Cordelia spoke for both herself and Anya. They had discussed this before.

"That's good, now let's eat. I can't tell you what it's like to be the only one who has to eat real food in that house." Willow laughed. They enjoyed a nice lunch and then Anya went home while Cordelia went back to Willow's house with her.

When they went inside Cordelia was struck by the atmosphere. When she had been in the house before, it had seemed sterile somehow, now she could feel the sense of family there. Odd, that 3 vampires and one witch could create more a feeling of family that the 3 rather ordinary humans that had previously occupied the house had ever managed. Spike was sprawled across the sofa watching talk shows. Angel and Xander were sitting in another corner of the room talking quietly. All three men rose when they noticed Cordelia and Willow enter the room. Xander raced to the two girls hugging them both happily. Spike was right behind him, slipping an arm around Willow and placing a light kiss on her cheek. Angel walked at a much slower pace across the room and gave Willow a quick hug eliciting a low warning growl from his childe.  Willow simply giggled at all of their enthusiastic responses to her return. Cordelia meanwhile watched the scene with wonder. It was quite obvious that Spike and Angel were both seriously, head over heels in love with Willow. It might take her a few days to process this information, but count on one thing, before she went home tonight she was going to talk to Angel, get some answers about what was going on in this house. And tomorrow, she and Willow were going to have some serious girl talk.

"So Xan, what did you want to talk about?" Cordelia asked as soon as she had extricated herself from his tight hug. "It's good to see you by the way."

"Uhmm, actually, I wanted to talk about Anya. Willow told me you were getting to be pretty good friends and I just want to know what to expect tomorrow night." Xander sounded like a little boy, practically pleading. "Please?"

Cordelia laughed a little, "Come on, you. Lets talk. Where's a good spot around here that the glimmer twins over there won't listen to us in."

"There really isn't one, but if we leave Willow out here, they won't pay any attention to us anyway." Xander said in a teasing tone.

"Xander, that's just silly. You two go in the Kitchen we will not listen. Will we guys?" Xander had been teasing her about the other two vampires for days now. She thought he was out of his mind.

"Sure, pet, I'll be a good boy and keep my ears shut." Spike answered obediently.

"I don't spy on people Willow." Angel spoke seriously.

Cordelia laughed again. "Okay, I guess it's to the kitchen with us then."
 

~Part: Seven~ Confessions

"Thanks Cordy, I just needed to hear, everything would be okay with her." Xander sounds relieved after his long conversation with Cordelia.

"Things will be fine, Xander. Anya loves you. I don't think anything will ever change that. You'll both have some adjustments to make, but it'll be
alright. Oh by the way, she told me she was eager to find out, just how much stamina a vampire has." Cordelia ends this conversation on a light note. Knowing that will reassure Xander as much as anything. She gets up and gives him a hug before adding. "Now, I think I need to have a little chat with my employer." Cordelia walks out of the Kitchen into the Living room where Spike, Angel and Willow are chatting. "Angel, I'd like to talk with you before I go back to Anya's place." Cordelia's voice is firm. She is not taking no for an answer.

"Delia, it's late, why don't we talk tomorrow." Angel is made more than a little nervous by that tone.

"No can do, tomorrow, I'm taking Willow out for girl talk and shopping. We are talking tonight. Come on your turn, into the kitchen we go. And again,
no snooping." Cordelia walks over and takes Angel's hand leading him across the room.

Willow and Spike are both amused at the site of Cordelia dragging a reluctant Angel behind her. They laugh, but Willow promises, "We won't listen Cordy. When did we make the shopping plans."

"We haven't yet, but we will." Cordelia says just before shutting the door separating the kitchen from the more open living and dining areas.

Willow, Spike and Xander settle into their own nightly conversations, while Cordelia interrogates Angel in the next room.

"What is going on around here? Since when are the two of you both in love with Willow? When did this happen and why didn't anyone tell me about it?" Cordelia is bursting with curiosity. She knows that there is something going on, she wants answers.

"I really don't have any idea what you're talking about Cordelia." Angel answers in his dry tone, hoping she will just drop the issue.

"Oh yeah right. Trust me when I say this, I am the queen of monitoring gossip. Or I was in high school anyway. Do you know how that happens. You
have to be able to walk into a room and pick up on the tensions there. When I walked into this house, the sexual tension was so thick, I thought I might choke on it. And given the testosterone displays you and Spike were having over Willow that has to be at least part of it. Now spill." Angel has the feeling there is no way he's going to get out of having this conversation. He knows it's pointless to even try.

Still he can't resist one last attempt, "Delia, I really don't think this is any of your business. It concerns Spike, Willow and I. If you have any questions about it, I would recommend you direct them to Willow." He hopes maybe she'll take him up on that offer.

"Please, like that would do any good. I like the girl, but she has no earthly clue that there are two delicious men practically fighting over her. But don't worry Willow will get her own set of questions tomorrow. Tonight you will answer mine. And don't tell me it's none of my business, because if it involves the possibility of you and smoochies, that makes it my business. Remember that we don't want Soulless you running around again." Cordelia is being even more sarcastic than usual, hoping to cut off any more attempts at evasion. "Okay it's obvious you aren't cooperating with the list of
questions here. Let's go one at a time. Are you in love with Willow?" She's going to start with the big guns. See if she can make him admit it.

"I don't know. I don't think so. I mean, I love Buffy, we said that was forever. But Willow, she has so much fire, energy inside her. And she understand me Cordelia. No one has ever understood like that." Angel answers her sincerely. He's tired of avoiding it. Delia will drag it out of him
eventually anyway, so he might as well cooperate.

"Okay that's a start anyway. Angel, you do realize that just because you said what you had with Buffy was forever, doesn't necessarily make it true. It wasn't for her. She moved on. the only reason you didn't do the same was the curse. It's alright to move on from a relationship that can't go anywhere." Cordelia's voice was gentle. She knew that Angel was still sensitive about Buffy, probably always would be.

"No, I love her Cordelia. I have to." Angel's voice was strong. He believed what he said, but the I have to, still came out sounding almost bitter.

"Okay, well then, let's move on. What was up with the big mach guy display with Spike? And don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about. He
growled at you Angel."

"I know. Spike is in love with Willow. I hugged her, he's possessive." stay with simple answers here and maybe she'll let it drop.

"Uh huh, and you waited until he growled to let her go, because?" Cordelia wasn't buying it, not at all.

"He's my childe Cordelia, I will not have Spike thinking he can order me around, decide my life. Besides, Willow doesn't belong to him." Angel sounded almost angry.

"Okay then, now remember what I said about sexual tension. It was thick Angel, and I don't think it was all directed at Willow, want to tell me about it?"

"No, I do not."

"But you're going to anyway, right. Otherwise, I'll just have to go out there and ask Spike." Cordelia, was playing dirty and she knew it.

"Okay, fine. You will not talk to Spike about this at all. Promise me that and I'll answer whatever you want." If she was going to play it that way,
Angel would have to make some rules.

"I don't know, Spike's side of things will probably be very interesting. And he'll tell me everything, I'm sure." Cordelia was bluffing. She had no intention of asking Spike. She knew what his reactions would be. She also knew she'd never know how much of what he said was true, and how much was made up for shock value. Angel knew that too.

"No, those are the rules Cordy. I'll talk, if you promise to never speak about any of this to Spike. Take it or leave it." He was calling her bluff.

"Done" Ultimately just getting some answers from Angel was all Cordelia really wanted. "Okay, tell me about the relationship between a sire and his
childe. I won't freak out, I promise"

"Cordelia, it's not simple, and it's not the same for every sire and childe. Darla was my sire, at first I was her toy, her plaything, sexually as well
as in every other sense. But, I was stronger than Darla, and we switched roles early on. I sired Penn first, he was a puritan, literally. Even the
demon didn't drive that all away, so anything with Penn was a show of dominance, proof that he was mine. Dru was next, she was different, I cared
for her. I was gentle with her, most of the time. God this sounds bad, but I never hurt her unless she wanted me too. But it was still a matter of her
sire, being dominant over her. Dru sired Spike, but he was always more my Childe than he was hers. Immediately after he was turned he began to nurture Dru. She was like a childe to him, but he was always so caring, so gentle. No, Spike was my childe, and usually that same need to dominate dictated my actions, my treatment of him, but we were more than that also. He was my favorite and he was my equal. He allowed me to dominate, because I told him such was the nature of things, but that's what it was, permission. He worshipped me, and I loved him. He was the only thing that Angelus was ever able to love. Our relationship wasn't typical sire/childe, but it wasn't that different either." Angel had agreed to this, so he would do it. He would answer her questions, and not hold anything back. If she heard things she didn't want to know about, that was her own fault.

"Okay, that was intense. So, to recap here, you and blondie out there had a very definitely sexual relationship when you were Angelus. You loved him then. Do you love him now?" Cordelia spoke matter of factly. She hadn't expected quite so much information from the normally reticent Angel.

"Do I love him now? He's a demon Cordelia. He doesn't have a soul. I love Buffy." Angel is frantically trying to avoid this question.

"None of which answers the question Angel. You're a demon, okay so you have your soul, but you've already said that Spike can love. And get off the I love Buffy thing. I didn't buy it with Willow, I'm still not buying it." Cordelia kept pushing.

"I don't know what difference it makes. He hates me, and I deserve that. Fine, you want to know. I've always loved Spike. It's quite possibly the one thing my demon and my soul are in perfect agreement on. Only my soul handles it differently, happy now." Angel answer was bitter. He truly believed that Spike hated him, despite the reassuring words Willow had spoken when they had a surprisingly similar conversation.

Cordelia was silent for just a moment, "No, no Angel I'm not happy. This thing with Spike hurts you, so hearing about it does not make me happy. But I think you're wrong. He's hurt too. And remember he doesn't have a soul, he thinks to forgive is a sign of weakness. Talk to him Angel. Okay, I've asked enough questions for one night. Tomorrow Willow gets her fair share." Cordelia's voice started out soft, sympathetic. By the time she had reached the end of her statement though she had regained her usual flippant tone. Putting Angel at ease.

"Cordelia, thank you. It needed to be said." Angel was quiet, not sure even in his own mind, just what he was thanking her for.

Cordelia gave a small sigh, "Angel, you just make everything so hard on yourself. Talking about things does help you know. Goodnight." Cordelia got
up and walked out of the kitchen. "Hey Wills, Chinese tomorrow, we need to talk girl." With that she was off, out of the house on her way back to
Anya's home.

Across town another conversation and confession took place. After leaving Willow and Anya at the cafe earlier that day, Buffy had wandered aimlessly. She didn't quite know what to do or where to go. Just after sunset she found herself standing outside of Giles' door. Somehow, she knew this had been her destination all along, she just couldn't admit it to herself. She knocked on the door.

It was early evening. Giles was not expecting anybody. But there was most assuredly a gentle knocking at his door. Giles went to see who it was. When he opened the door, he found a sobbing Buffy on the other side. He quickly pulled her to him and shut the door. "What is it Buffy, what's wrong?" The small girl in his arms was crying uncontrollably now. Giles knew he'd have to get her to calm down, before he could have his answers. He gently maneuvered her to the couch and sat down gathering her into his arms, stroking her back and hair, murmuring comforting words to her. After a time, she calmed and pulled back, just a bit.

"I'm sorry Giles. I didn't mean to fall apart like that" Buffy's voice was shaky with emotion.

"Shh, it's okay Buffy. You can always come to me, no matter what the situation, now do you want to tell me what's wrong." Giles' voice was
gentle. He didn't want to pry but felt like Buffy needed to talk to someone. It wasn't like her to break down completely like this.

"It's just everything is so mixed up right now. Xander, I couldn't save him. I should have been able to save him. I should have been the one there.
Instead Spike turned him, and now he's afraid of me. Xander's afraid of me Giles. And I've been so scared. I know I've hurt them all, I didn't mean to, but I'm just so scared. And I'm alone. Riley's gone, and everyone has someone, but I'm alone. Even Angel, I don't know who or how yet, but I know he's not in love with me anymore, he's moved on and I don't have anyone. I'm scared Giles, I've never been alone before." This all came out in a rush, and Giles was having trouble keeping up with her train of thought. He pulled her back into his embrace and held her till she was once again quiet.

"Buffy, nothing that's happened in these last weeks is your fault. If it weren't for you Xander would have never survived high school. His present
situation may not be idea, but he's here with us still. He will come back to you Buffy, just give him a little time, I know it's hard. Nobody will blame
you for being afraid Buffy. You're not alone. You'll never be alone. Even if you didn't have the rest of them, you'd always have me Buffy. Please
remember that." Giles tried to address all of her concerns in the most gentle way possible.

Buffy was exhausted, her pain, anger, and sorrow having sapped all of her energy. Giles had been there for her tonight, and in her heart she knew he would be there for her forever. She wasn't alone, and never would be. She settled into his arms and fell asleep.

Giles sat there wondering what to do with the sleeping girl in his arms. Finally he made up his mind, standing and lifting her in one easy movement.
It still amazed him that such a tiny girl could have as much power as she did. Giles carried her upstairs and placed her gently on his bed, pulling
the blankets up around her. He gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead before leaving the room, saying softly, "I'll always be here for you, Buffy. I love you."
 

~Part: Eight~ Willow Talks

When Willow arrived at the Chinese restaurant Cordelia had told her they were having lunch at, she was a mass of conflicting emotion. In one way, she was happy to be here. As much as she cared for the three vampires currently living in her house, she needed some time away from them. She also wanted to get to know Cordelia better. It was clear that she had changed a great deal since high school. By graduation, Cordelia was already becoming a person that Willow would have liked to know, but the whole Xander kissing thing, had killed any real chance they had at friendship. It seemed that Cordelia had moved on and forgiven the past. Willow would like to do the same.  On the other hand, there were some parts of the old Cordelia that were obviously very much alive. In this case her sense of gossip queen. Willow was certain she was in for questioning that would make the inquisition seem like a gentle interview. Cordelia just had that look. Willow wasn't sure why it was turned on her last night, but she had a feeling she wouldn't want to answer any of the questions.  Willow finally decided to quit worrying about it, and try to enjoy the day away from the house.
 
Cordelia finally arrived, 20 minutes late, proving that some things really don't ever change. "Willow, hi. Sorry I'm late. Let's order, I'm starving." The girls spent the next several minutes studying their menus and chatting about unimportant things.
 
Once their food came, Cordelia turned the conversation towards Willow's relationship with Spike and Angel. "So, Willow, how are things at your place really. I mean, I would have thought that blondie and Angel would have killed each other by now, and it can't be easy living with the three of them."
 
Willow giggled, "It hasn't been that bad really. I'm used to having Xander around and he hasn't really changed all that much. He's a little more serious now. Angel says it's guilt, but he doesn't brood. I've kinda gotten used to Spike too. He's not so bad really. Once you get over the "he's tried to kill us on several occasions" thing. I guess, I put up with him, because he was the only one who really understood, or even tried to understand, what I was going through when Tara left. Xander just didn't get it, and Buffy was still too wrapped up in her own life and problems to care about mine. Angel isn't any trouble at all. He's quiet, and always supportive. As for how they get along with each other it's not too bad. There was some initial tension between Xander and Angel, because of how Xander used to sort of hate him, but that passed pretty quickly. Spike and Angel are actually getting along pretty well. They both want what's best for Xander so they are putting their own problems aside. I don't think they hate each other as much as they pretend anyway. Still, I'm glad to be out of the house for a change."
 
Cordelia thought that was the longest, coherent, stream of words she had ever heard from Willow. "I'm glad Xander's doing okay. I've missed him. You know I forgave you both a long time ago, don't you?"
 
Willow was a little surprised at this. She didn't expect for any acknowledgement of the past to pass between them. "I hoped, you'd forgiven me. I never had any doubt you would forgive Xander. I'm sorry for what happened Cordelia, I really really am. We hurt so many people that night." Willow's voice  broke and she was close to tears, remembering the past.
 
"It's okay Willow. If there is one thing I've learned from working with Angel, it's that you have to let the past go. You can't hold on to it, because nothing can ever change it. I'm not real proud of the person I was back then either, but I can't change it. And this whole part of the conversation is getting way too deep, especially when I came here to shamelessly gossip. I've been picking up on some really interesting things since I got here. What's up with you and Spike? He seems awfully protective for a friend."
 
"I told you, we're friends that's all. I felt sorry for him, even when Tara was still here, so I was always nice. He responds to that. He's mean to Buffy and was to Xander because they were mean to him. He was never anything but nice with me, unless he was hurting, that's a different story entirely. When Tara left, he helped deal with it. Like I said, everyone else was too caught up in their own lives, and didn't really understand anyway. Ever since, we've been friends. I don't think he's ever really had friends before. He told me just a little about his life as a human, and it doesn't seem like he ever had friends then. After he was turned there was just Darla, Angel, and Dru. Darla hated him. His relationship with Angel was complicated, but could never be termed as friendship, and while he loved Dru, there was no real conversation there. He's a bit overprotective of me because of it, I think."
 
"Willow hon, I think there's more to it than that. His eyes never leave you from the moment you walk into a room. He's got a crush on you Willow. Actually I'm pretty sure, it's more than that. I think he's in love with you."
 
"That's silly, Spike isn't in love with me. He's just a friend." Willow was adamant.
 
"Sure, Willow. I never knew you and Angel were so close, what's up with that?"
 
"We've been friends for a while now. When he came back, he came to me. He thanked me for giving him his soul back. After that we were friends. I guess, all of us living together has brought us closer together though.  We've had more time to talk."
 
Cordelia had heard enough. The girl was clearly oblivious to Spike and Angel. Well, she was going to have to change that.  "Willow, I've listened to this for long enough I think. When we walked in that house last night there was more testosterone flying, than I think I've ever seen in one place. The sexual tension was through the roof and almost all of it was directed at you. Spike practically leaped at you, and Angel felt it necessary to goad Spike into growling. Those two are both in love with you. I have no doubts." Cordelia spoke bluntly, she had tried to deal with this the subtle way, but that wasn't going anywhere.
 
"They are not. Any tension you felt was between Spike and Angel, they had a relationship once. They don't love me. Why would they. I'm nothing special. I'm not pretty. I'm not strong like Buffy. I'm nothing like Dru. I couldn't keep Oz or Tara. How could Spike and Angel possibly love me." Willow sounded a little bitter but completely sincere. She didn't see how anyone could be in love with her.
 
Cordelia was shocked by Willow's response. Watching her actions in the last weeks, she had assumed that Willow had conquered her self-esteem issues. It was apparent she hadn't. "Willow, you are pretty. You're a beautiful young woman. Granted, I'd like to have wardrobe control for you, but you are pretty. And what do you mean, you aren't strong. Maybe you don't have superstrength like Buffy, but you are stronger than her in all the ways that matter. Look at how you took control with this whole thing. Buffy couldn't have done it. In fact without you, who knows what would have happened. You bring more to this group than anyone. You have to believe that, understand that. There is no reason why Spike and Angel wouldn't love you."
 
"Sure Cordy, then why can't I hang on to a lover? If I'm so special, why do they all leave me?" Willow sounded more than bitter now, she sounded broken, defeated.
 
"I don't know what happened with them Willow. I do know that Oz loved you. I don't know why he felt like he had to leave you. I never knew Tara, I certainly don't understand why anyone would ever leave you." Cordelia was at a loss for how to handle this. She didn't know what she could possibly do or say to make Willow see that she could be loved. She decided to deal with the other side of the problem first, to find out how Willow felt about Spike and Angel. "Willow, I know you don't believe they love you, but how do you feel about Spike and Angel. I promise I won't tell anyone what you say."
 
Willow had tried to not analyze her feelings for the two vampires in the past, but she knew the only way to end this conversation was to talk to Cordelia, so she thought about it now. "I really don't know Cordelia. All those years ago, when Buffy first came, I had a crush on Angel. Who didn't. But, he was Buffy's, so I never let that out. Since he came back, I've realized that Buffy has never really understood him. I think I do. I don't know if I love him, but I care about him, a lot. I want to see him happy. Spike is a little more complicated. I need him. He listens to me and really understands what I'm saying. I don't know if I could handle losing that connection. I'm also attracted to him. He's beautiful. At the same time, he's tried to kill me more than once. I don't really know that if he lost that chip he wouldn't try it again. I don't think he would, but I don't know. It makes it kind of hard to love someone when you don't trust them not to kill you. But what I feel sure sounds a lot like love. It doesn't matter anyway. They won't ever see me that way."
 
Cordelia sighed. She definitely had her work cut out for her. She had one brooding boss, who not only refused to see that Willow loved him, but refused to admit that he loved her, one friend who didn't believe she was loveable, and one annoying bleached blonde vampire who apparently loved both of them, but wouldn't say anything. "Okay, lunch is over, let's get to the shopping part of the day. You, Willow Rosenberg, need a whole new wardrobe. Maybe that will help your self-image a little."
 
Now, it was Willow's turn to sigh. Shopping with Cordelia would be an ordeal. But Cordy was right, she did need new clothes. She was tired of her look, but didn't know how to do anything else. "Okay, I've got my mom's credit card. The best part about absentee parenting, you can spend lots of their money, and they don't really care."
 
The next several hours were spent at the Sunnydale mall. They were exhausting for Willow, but apparently energizing for Cordelia, who was practically bouncing with excitement when they left. She had finally managed to get Willow into some fashionable clothes. They showed off her figure, without being slutty, like some people's clothes were. They got back to Willow's house a little after 5 PM. All 3 vampires were waiting for them. Spike and Angel were both at Willow's side the minute she walked through the door. "I thought you said you'd be back by 4:00." Spike sounded worried.
 
"You, did. Why didn't you call if you were going to be late. We worried about you." Angel sounded anxious.
 
Xander was barely containing laughter in the background. "These two have been pacing the floors since about 4:15. You really should call if you're going to be late."
 
Willow was a bit bewildered at their concern. "I was with Cordelia, what do you expect." She tried the easy, flippant response.
 
Angel's expression softened, he actually laughed, "Yes, I guess that would explain it."
 
Spike stared at them for a moment before he too accepted her explanation. He walked over and hugged Willow tight. "Just call next time alright. We worry."
 
"Okay, guys. I'll call. Sorry I wasn't thinking." Willow was still a little confused at their reaction, but she reassured Spike.
 
"Well, now that we've established, that you're safe, and Cordelia is still habitually late, I'll tell you what else happened today. Giles called. I talked to him for quite awhile. He's concerned about Buffy. I guess she ended up at his place last night halfway to hysterical. She cried herself to sleep. I promised him, I would meet with her soon. We talked and agreed that it might be best if we meet someplace public first. So in 2 days we are going to make a group excursion to the Bronze. He'll bring Buffy. It's time I get used to being in public places again anyway." Xander tried for an upbeat tone, but everyone in the room recognized the fear underlying it.
 
"You're sure, Xander. I know Buffy's hurting, but this is your decision. If you're not ready, it can wait." Willow was hesitant. She hated that Buffy was hurt by this, but she wanted to be sure Xander was ready.
 
"I'm sure, Besides I'll have all of you with me, what can one little slayer do to me with you guys as bodyguards."
 
Everyone laughed at that. "Right, we won't let the bad slayer hurt my boy." Spike said seriously, with just a hint of their laughter in his voice.
 
"Now, you'd better get ready for Anya to come over. She'll be here in half an hour." Willow chimed in.
 
Anya's visit was uneventful. She and Xander talked for hours, and finally shared a gentle kiss before she went back home. She would be Xander's date, when they went to the Bronze.
 

~Part: Nine~ Going Out

Everyone crammed into Willow's small home was excited and a little nervous tonight. Cordelia and Anya had both come over to get ready for the night with Willow. Xander was a nervous both about being out in public with so many warm living bodies, as well as seeing Buffy again. Spike and Angel were both nervous for Xander, and because, to make the evening seem more normal to outside observers they would be going as couples. Spike was taking Willow, and Angel was taking Cordelia. Willow was nervous, because she was going on a date with Spike, even if it was just a pretend date. Also she was taking the opportunity to show off her new wardrobe. Anya was nervous about going out with Xander for the first time since he was turned. Cordelia was nervous, because she had plans to help bring Willow, Spike, and Angel together tonight.
 
Across town, Buffy and Giles were similarly nervous. Giles was nervous at the whole situation. He knew there would be a lot of tension between Xander and Buffy, and even more between Spike and Buffy and Angel and Buffy. Also, Cordelia had told him they were all going to go as couples to make things easier, that made him Buffy's date, an idea which unnerved him. Buffy had been pacing his living room for half an hour. "Do I look okay? Do you think this will be alright. I don't want to scare Xander? God, everyone must hate me with the way I've been acting recently. Do you think this will go alright?" she rambled on.
 
"Buffy, do sit down. You look wonderful. Tonight is going to go just fine. Nobody   hates you. They'll understand." Giles tried to reassure her. Buffy didn't sit down and continued asking basically the same questions over and over. Finally it was time to leave. "Buffy, it's time.
 
Xander, Spike and Angel were waiting downstairs for the girls. Anya came dressed as she usually was. She walked straight to Xander who slipped an arm around her waist. Cordelia came down next looking lovely and elegant in black silk. She walked over to stand near Angel, her "date" for the evening. Finally willow came down the stairs. All eyes were on her, and she blushed at the attention. She was in the outfit Cordy had finally picked from her new wardrobe. Her dress was made of crushed velvet, in a deep forest green color that matched her eyes. The bodice was fitted perfectly to her body, and had bell sleeves, while the skirt was slightly full flaring at her waist and falling to her knees. Cordelia had managed to find shoes to match, and while they were a little higher heels than Willow was used to, they completed the outfit perfectly. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, Spike walked over to her and took both of her hands. "You look beautiful luv. I'm glad you're my date."
 
Willow's blush deepened a little and she whispered out a thank you, before Spike wrapped his arm around her waist and headed toward the door.
 
"Let's go. Wouldn't want to keep the watcher and the slayer waiting."
 
The eight of them arrived at the Bronze at almost exactly the same time. They were very quiet as they took a table and ordered some drinks. Buffy finally broke the silence. "Uhm guys, I'm not very good at this, but I want you to know I realize I haven't been exactly helpful lately, and I'm sorry." Buffy was hesitant, but she had talked with Giles, and knew she had to apologize to the group, before they could begin to get back to where they were.
 
Willow answered her warmly, "It's okay Buffy. I understand what you were going through. I can't say you didn't hurt us, but you didn't really mean to. I forgive you."
 
Angel quietly answered next. "Buffy, I do understand. I wish things had gone differently, but we can't take back the past. Just be aware of how what you do affects the rest of us, okay." Buffy nodded.
 
Cordelia  spoke. "We're not friends Buffy, we never really were. The rest of these people are my friends. You didn't react in any way I didn't expect, but it hurt my friends, and I don't like that. I'll accept your apology, but don't do it again." Her voice was a touch cold, but sincere. Anya nodded her agreement with this sentiment.
 
"Red, wouldn't want me to hold a grudge. Don't hurt my childe, ever. Don' t hurt Willow. I won't forgive so easily next time." Spike echoed Cordelia's answer. Possessiveness and protectiveness insisting that he add the last in.
 
Xander was the last to speak. "Buffy, I know this is tough for you, but it's tough for me too. I never meant to hurt you with what I did, and I know you didn't mean to hurt any of us. An apology isn't necessary for me. I want us to be friends, but things have changed, if you can't change along with them, then I don't know that we can be." Xander had given this a great deal of thought. He wanted Buffy for a friend but he would not hold her to him.
 
"Thank you. I want to make this work. I'll do whatever it takes." Buffy sounded so sincere. Everyone hoped that she meant what she said.
 
They were still unsure of how to talk to each other, so their time was filled with uncomfortable silences and breaks in the small talk. Spike was getting bored, "Bloody hell, people, this is supposed to be a social occasion. Willow, dance with me."
 
Willow nodded, hoping that others would follow their lead, she stood and walked out to the dance floor with Spike. To her delight the other couples at the table, even Giles and Buffy, soon joined them on the dance floor. After a short time, Angel came to claim his dance with Willow, leaving Spike and Cordelia, to either dance or return to the table. They chose to sit this dance out, Spike practically growling in frustration.
 
"Oh hush, fangless. You had your turn. Besides, we all knew these weren't real dates." Cordelia was trying to get a reaction out of Spike. He was after all the only one who's story she hadn't heard, but promises to Willow and Angel, kept her from being direct about this.
 
"I know they weren't 'real' dates, but that little girl is mine none the less. Besides look at that, bloody poof has his hands all over her, and we all know they can't let anything come of that." Spikes words were ground out. In reality, Angel was being every inch the gentleman with Willow, just barely allowing his hands to touch her.
 
"Oh give me a break Spike, he's barely touching her. By the way, how's it feel to be a daddy." Cordelia was turning her sarcasm up a notch even from her usual biting commentary. She wanted Spike to talk, without any specific prodding from her.
 
"I am not a daddy. I'm a sire. They are very different things, and it's a lot of bloody work. Something I wouldn't expect you to understand. And he is so, all over her. Why can't he ever keep his damned hands off of what's mine." Spike's anger was rising, both in response to Cordelia, and from watching his sire and Willow dance.
 
"I don't know about hard work, I work very hard mister. And Willow doesn't belong to you, she doesn't belong to anyone, least of all a vampire, who won't talk about his feelings." Cordelia's own anger was rising, how dare he insult her.
 
"She is mine, why can't everyone see that. She should know I love her. Apparently you do, the watcher does, my damned sire does, how could she not." frustration shot his voice another decibel louder.
 
"Because, you've never told her, you freak. She's insecure, you of all people should know that. She needs to hear it, or she won't ever believe it's true. God, why do I bother, you people are all so dense. By the way, don't try to make her choose, she'll only resent you for it." Cordelia finished her latest tirade, loudly enough that several people from surrounding tables had turned to look at them. She then walked off in the direction of the ladies room. She had to get away from Spike.
 
Spike sat where Cordelia left him, finally stunned into silence. It had never occurred to him that Willow might not know how important she was to him. Well, that would end tonight. He would tell her exactly how he felt. She was his, it was time that she knew it.
 
Angel and Willow talked while they danced. "Buffy looks happy right now." Willow said softly.
 
"Good. I don't want her to be hurting. Giles loves her doesn't he? And I don't mean like a father for a daughter, he really does love her." Angel asked, knowing that Willow saw most everything.
 
"I think he always has. But he's so worried about how it would seem. And then there is you to consider. Giles has never thought he stood a chance against you." Willow had noticed the Watcher's emotion months ago, though she'd never said anything to either him or Buffy.
 
"He's good for her. I should talk to her tonight. You know, Cordelia was right, it's okay to move on. I need to let Buffy know that I know that. Maybe then she can find some happiness. We were doomed from the start, we can't let that rule our lives. Thank you Willow, just for helping me believe it." Angel spoke gently and pulled her a little closer.
 
Willow smiled, "I'm glad you want to do this. Maybe it will let Buffy finally let go of the past too. I hope so. Everyone's heading back, and I saw Cordy storm away from the table a little bit ago, maybe we should go too."
 
Angel nodded and led Willow off of the dance floor and back to the table.
 
"Hey guys, I'm going to go see, what Cordelia is up to, back in a sec." Willow left in search of her friend. She found her in the bathroom, still shaking with anger. "What happened Cordelia? You left in a hurry."
 
"That vampire, just makes me so mad. Okay, so maybe I was being a little sarcastic, but he was just downright mean. Ohh, I could stake him. But I won't. I'll calm down and everything'll be fine." Cordelia was slowly calming down, and gaining some perspective on everything. It really hadn't gone that badly.
 
"Okay, well, I hope you are calm now, because, I really don't want to leave the rest of them out there alone too long. You ready." Willow was a bit confused by the intensity of Cordelia's emotion. Where had that come from.
 
"Yeah, sure Willow. I'm fine now. let's go."
 
When they got back to the table everyone seemed ready to go. The night hadn't been a complete failure. It looked possible to rebuild their damaged relationships. Angel asked if he could walk Buffy back to her home, and she said yes, after casting a concerned glance at Giles and seeing his nod. Anya and Cordelia were both tired, and decided to go home and get some rest. That left Xander, Spike and Willow to go home together.
 
The three of them got home quickly and Spike suggested that maybe Xander could use a snack. Xander took the hint and left Spike and Willow alone in the living room.
 
"Willow, I want you to know something. It's very important okay. I love you. I love you with every bit of strength in my body, with every fiber of my being. You are mine, and I am yours. I wanted to make sure that you knew that." Spike spoke softly, a little unsure, having never really verbalized emotion before.
 
Willow was stunned, for a moment she didn't know quite how to react, but finally she reached out and pulled him close to her, whispering, "Oh, Spike, I didn't know. I love you too. I didn't think you could ever love me." she would have continued talking, but Spike captured her lips with his own. His kiss was gentle, but thourough, exploring every corner of her warm mouth. He finally broke the kiss, and whispered into her hair, "I don't deserve you, but you are mine anyway."
 
Across town, Buffy and Angel walked in an awkward silence. "Look Angel, I know you wanted to talk about something. What is it?" Buffy was a little impatient.
 
"Buffy, I just want you to know, that it's okay to move on. I know we've had this conversation before, but I know I never really meant it. I want you to know I do now. The past was special, and I'll always cherish what we had, but it is past. We can't change it, and we can't allow it to rule our lives. I know I needed to tell you that, before I really could move on. I think maybe you needed to hear it." Angel spoke quietly, gently. His words coming from the heart.
 
Buffy began to cry softly, "Thank you Angel. I did need to hear it. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I needed to hear it. Maybe, I can let go. We've both hurt and been hurt so much by this. It's not easy to leave it behind, but I think maybe I can start trying now."
 
Angel gently wiped the tears from Buffy's face and took her hand as he walked her the rest of the way home in silence. They both knew that their relationship had changed forever with the words spoken tonight.
 

~Part: Ten~ Realizations

Willow pulled back from Spike's embrace. "Why, what do you love about me?" This wasn't an idle question, in order for Willow to believe that Spike truly did love her, how would she be able to believe it.
 
Spike held the fragile young woman tightly against his chest. "I love everything about you, love. You  are beautiful beyond belief. I love your strength. I love your intelligence. I love that fire that you hide away, underneath all of the good girl trappings. And most of all I love your innocence. Your undying belief, in the good of the world. I love that, because you can almost make me believe in it too. It's been a very long time, since I believed in anything other than pain and struggle. I love you, because you love me, even though I don't deserve it. You are a goddess. I thought that Dru was, but I was wrong, she's so very little compared to you. And most of all, I love you, because even though you are all these things, you don't realize it." He spoke softly, his words carrying the conviction of his love. She may never believe the words he said, but surely she could not deny the love that emanated from them.
 
Willow listened with wonder. She couldn't understand, how Spike believed all of those things of her, but he did, and he loved her. She loved him too. All of her love was reflected in her eyes as she watched him.
 
Breaking their moment, Xander came back out from the kitchen, having had a short snack. "Well, hallelujah, it looks like you two finally gave in to reality. I was beginning to wonder if I would have to lock the two of you in a closet or something." Xander spoke in his typical joking voice. He was happy for his best friend and his sire, now if only they could all get deadboy to stop moping, life, or rather un-life, would be good.
 
"Show some respect for your elders childe." Spike  said rather playfully to his only childe.
 
"Sure, Spike, hey if you and Willow get together, does that make her like my mom, because that would just be too weird." Xander sounded almost like his old self, something that happened far to seldom since he was turned.
 
Spike laughed, and Willow giggled. "Maybe she could keep you in line. No she won't be like your mother or anything. She'll be my mate, that's enough. Now be a good boy and let us have a little time."
 
"Oh, no. Angel will be walking through that door any minute now, and I can't wait to see his reaction to this. I won't be going anywhere, until it's all over thank you very much." Xander truly did want to see the other vampire's reaction to Spike and Willow apparently being together. He'd definitely picked up on the competitiveness between Angel and Spike for Willow's affections. Nope, this was a scene he wouldn't miss for the world.
 
"Whelps right about one thing, Angel will be back soon. We should be prepared to talk to him. He'll have something to say about this I'm sure." Spike sobered as he remembered the imminent return of his sire. He'd lost everyone he had ever loved to his sire, it would not happen again. He would not allow it.
 
The three of them moved into the living room to wait for Angel's return. Xander sat in a chair in the corner, inconspicuous, hoping to simply observe. He wanted to watch the fireworks, but didn't want to get burned by them himself. Willow and Spike sat on the couch in the middle of the room, Spike with an arm around Willow's shoulders and one of her small hands held in his own. They didn't have long to wait, barely ten minutes later Angel opened the door to Willow's house. He walked in took one look at Willow and Spike and knew what had happened.
 
Angel's voice was soft, but there was an edge to it, a low rumbling growl, "Spike, Willow I take it you have something to tell me."
 
Spike was about to speak, but Willow gave him a look telling him he had better back down. He did and she spoke, "Angel, Spike told me tonight that he loves me. I don't know how or why, but he does. Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with him too. I don't want you to have a problem with this. Please, can't you just be happy for us." Her tone was pleading.
 
"Willow, I want you to be happy, I do. I want you to know love. I just don't think that Spike is capable of making you happy. He's never had a functional relationship. I just want what's best for you." Angel used an equally pleading tone with her. Couldn't she see just how wrong his headstrong childe was for her. What relationship had he ever had that ended happily. There was no way that good could come of this.
 
"Oh, give it up, Peaches. You lost. Don't you get it. She loves me, me. This is different, because everyone else didn't love me. They loved you. My big relationship, well I guess that was Dru wasn't it. Were we happy of course not, but it wasn't because I didn't try. I loved her. But I was just a poor substitute for you. And who was the only other creature I've loved in my whole existence, ironically enough, that was you. And I didn't turn you away. I never did anything to destroy that relationship, you did it all by yourself. You don't have that power here. I'm in love with the girl, and she's in love with me. You can't take her, she's mine." Spike had stood, and somewhere in the middle of this speech his vampiric face had appeared. He was angry and hurt. All the rage and pain against his sire, that he had suppressed for a century came flooding to the surface.
 
Angel was startled by the heat, the fire in Spike's voice. Always before he'd expressed his anger coldly. Angel could feel the pain coming off of him in waves. He had expected a confrontation over this, but he had not expected this. He wasn't sure how to respond. So for a moment he remained silent.
 
Willow stood, and moved to Spike's side. She rubbed soothing circles on his back, and spoke to him in low tones. No one else in the room could even make out what she was saying. Whatever she did, it worked. The stiffness left Spike's body, and soon his vampire visage, faded back into his human face. He took a step back, and wrapped himself around the small form of Willow. When he was calm again, she spoke. "Angel, I want you to talk to him, really talk to him. Don't put on that cold emotionless voice of yours. Tell him what you think, what you feel. If you don't talk to him I will, and I don't think you want me to do that." Her voice was firm. She was back in command. Behind that voice was her own fear. Fear that her new love would be unable to look beyond what had happened in his past, unable to set aside the pain there. And also fear that she would lose him, lose him to his other great love. She loved him with all of her heart and soul, so she looked past those fears to force Angel into discussion, a discussion that might very well result in her losing the one she loved.
 
Angel had to respond to her. He couldn't ignore the command that she used. God, he wondered at the fact that she had never been turned. She would have been a magnificent vampire. He wondered that he himself had not turned her, when Angelus had control. But he had always dismissed her power, and seen only her innocence. He took a deep breath and stood. Finally he spoke, allowing the emotions he had always hid from his childe to suffuse his words. "Spike, I have never intended to hurt you. Wait that's not really true, I've done things to hurt you since the night you were turned, and I did most of them intentionally. But never with my soul, have I willingly caused you pain. As Angelus, I was confused by my feeling for you, and I was afraid of you. Vampires were not supposed to feel the things I felt, we weren't supposed to care about the other. We were supposed to take pleasure in each other certainly, but we weren't supposed to care more about giving pleasure. You made me want to protect you from everything. You made me want to provide you with endless pleasure. I couldn't, I wasn't equipped to handle feelings like those. I know you don't believe that, you always were able to feel such things. You wanted to protect Dru. You wanted to love, not just take pleasure. Maybe it was because of the person you were before, maybe it's because of the way Dru sired you. I've never known, but you were different from me, different from Darla, different from every other vampire I've ever known. So I took my confusion out on you. I treated you badly, and intentionally caused you pain. Only to be more confused when you crawled back to me, still wanting to love and give love. And I was scared of you. I was frightened of the control you held over yourself, and over me. Never in my time as a vampire, not even now, not even with the soul, have I had as much control over my demon as you do. You choose, what you do, the demon does not. I make those choices now, but I have to fight every instant to maintain that control. Maybe you choose to give in to the demon, but it has always been your choice. I have never had that type of control, the fact that you, my grand childe did frightened me. And the control you held over me frightened me. Some days, all it took was a look from you, and I would do anything. Oh, I know that I denied you a lot of things, but every time I did, it was to prove to myself that I could, and it was difficult to do it. You were my truest companion. My only equal, and I was scared of you. I was scared of myself. So I caused you pain, I hurt you intentionally trying to stop my own fear and confusion. It didn't work. Every time, I loved you more surely, more completely, when you returned than I had when I drove you away. I have always loved you. I love you still, but when Angelus was here last, he managed to finally do what he tried to for so long, to break you completely. To turn your love to hatred. I know that I will never again be able to touch you, to love you, and I know that it's my fault. No one else holds responsibility for that. I did all by myself. I can't hurt you anymore. I can't make myself do it, so if Willow is what will make you happy, and she is willing, then I will not stand in your way. Just please, remember how you love, and not the things I taught you over the years. Please, don't hurt her, like I hurt you." By the time he finished speaking, tears were running down his face. These were words he should have spoken years ago, but he never could. He couldn't until Willow forced him, and even now, he couldn't bare to look at Spike. He didn't think he could handle seeing the hate, the disgust that must be present in Spike's eyes.
 
What he didn't see and so couldn't know was that no such emotion was visible in Spike. He was shocked. He had come to believe a great many things about his relationship with his sire, both as Angel and as Angelus. None of them were the things that Angel was now telling him were true. He had been treated so harshly in the beginning. He had never believed that Angelus had loved him. He believed that Angelus used him as it pleased him, just as he did the rest of their family. Oh he knew that he was given some special status in the family, but he always assumed it was because aside from Penn he was the only male, and Penn left them so frequently. And as Angel, he had always assumed his sire had hated him. He assumed that Angel hated him because of what he represented, hated him, because of what he made him remember. And there was that voice, the cold emotionless voice that seemed almost reserved for him. His world was being turned upside down. He no longer had a point of reference from which to work. He sat back down on the couch, his redhead, still wrapped around him, and his only words were, "I think I need a drink."
 
Angel startled, looked up. He could see the emotions flickering across his expressive childe's face. Fear, pain, and quite a little bit of anger, but no hatred, no disgust. He was shocked now also. So he responded quietly, "Yeah, me too."
 
Xander got up quietly and went to fix drinks for all of them. He knew that he could use one after witnessing that emotional scene, and he was sure, that Willow could as well. When he returned both vampires were in the same positions they were when they left. It was as though they were frozen in that space.  He went to each of them and handed them a glass. "Here Angel, I didn't know what you drink, so I just brought you the same as Spike, JD straight up, chilled but no ice. Hope it's okay. Willow, I got us each something to drink too. Come on hon, come in and get it from the kitchen with me." He wanted to get Willow out of there. He knew there was more stuff to come, but Willow didn't need to be present for all of it.
 
Willow nodded, and stood up, brushing a kiss across Spike's forehead, before she followed Xander into the kitchen. "Thanks Xan. I think I needed to get out of there and just breathe for a minute." She told him quietly. Xander had already fixed drinks for them. Jack and Coke, nothing he would have ever tried without the influence of his sire, but it tasted good, and could be made strong or weak to taste. He'd made fairly strong drinks for both himself and Willow.
 
"I know Wills. It will be okay you know. I don't know what's going to happen in there, but the one thing I'm sure of is that we will all survive it." Xander used his own peculiar brand of reassurance. As always it worked with Willow.
 
"Thanks Xander. I needed that." Willow quietly accepted her friends support.
 
In the other room both Spike and Angel had finished their drinks quickly. They watched each other, neither wanting to speak next. Both of them felt like their worlds had been flipped around. They were unsure what to do or say. Finally Spike broke the silence.
 
"Angel, do you have any idea how long, I've lived with the fact that you hated me. I believed it. I understood it. I knew it to be true. First I believed it because you had abandoned me. How could you abandon me unless you hated me. Then later, when I found out about the soul, I understood. You hated me because, I represented all of the things you had done. You hated me, because you made me what I am, and you hated what I am. Now, you're sitting here telling me that none of that is true. Why? Why didn't you ever tell us? Why didn't you ever even act like you cared? No every time I've talked to you since you got that damnable soul, you've used that cold voice. The one I was sure no one with a soul could have. The one that says you felt no emotion. Why, did you use that voice with me? I hate that voice, I always have." The pain and anger were still there. Spike's voice was raw with emotion. But it had changed, it was no longer a need to dominate, to prove himself. Now it was simply a need to understand the pain. A need to know why it had all been necessary.
 
"I was sure you hated me, and why shouldn't you have hated me. As Angelus I had done nothing but cause you pain, and as Angel, I had abandoned you. I didn't want to be rejected, to have you put me through the same pain that I had caused you. I didn't want you to hear my emotions, because I didn't want you to be able to use them against me, and I was sure you would. Were we really both wrong?" Angel's voice held an edge of desperation. Was it possible that Cordelia and Willow were right, had he been wrong for all of these years?
 
"Yeah, I guess we were. So what happens now?" Spike spoke softly, a little bit lost.
 
"I don't know. You love Willow, so at least that happens from here. I don't know what happens to us. I guess we'll just have to wait and see." Angel sounded tired. He'd learned far too much tonight, and dawn was coming.
 
"Yeah, I guess so."
 
"I'm tired. I'm going to bed." Angel got up and left the room.
 
Spike went into the kitchen looking for his childe and his love. "Pets, It's nearly dawn, I think we could all use some rest. Willow luv, stay with me tonight, please. Nothing has to happen, I just want you to be with me." Spike spoke with love for both of them.
 
"You can stay with me tonight, Spike. Xander would probably like the opportunity to sleep alone for a change anyway. Tonight we  just hold each other, okay. Just to know we're there, and we aren't going anywhere." Willow sounded much more self-assured than she felt. She wanted Spike, and loved Spike, but she did not want anything to happen with Spike, until after he had sorted out his feelings for his sire. She had to know where he stood with Angel before she could build her own relationship with him.
 

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