Smile For Me, Again

Sequel to `Smile For Me'

Author- Veronica

Rating- G

Pairing- W/S

Spoilers- Season 6 (maybe 7)

Distribution- Want it? Take it, just let me know where.

Disclaimer- Joss owns all in the Buffyverse

Summery- After an accident, Willow loses any memory of her life from the time Buffy came to Sunnydale.

Feedback- Would be a cool thing to get.

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~Part: 1~

It had taken a great deal of time, and some very heated arguments before things had finally calmed down between Willow and her friends. What had sparked it all was Willow's admission that she and Spike were now in a relationship, something no one took well at all. But with the arguing getting them nowhere, they decided that quietly discussing the issues would prove to be far more productive… and they were right. It all seemed to boil down to just one thing for each of them… fear. The fear that Willow would become the overpowering `enemy' she had turned into just a few short months ago.

Willow assured them that she understood that particular fear only too well, for she was afraid of that very same thing. Now with everyone filled with a deeper understanding, decided to let the past be just that… the past, and start looking to the future. Shortly after that, the red head had started patrolling again, and feeling like a member of the group… something she had missed terribly. Her life seemed to be turning for the better, and for the first time in quite a while, she felt truly happy.

"You really do love him, don't you?"

"I do, Buffy. I really do. I wouldn't have made for those months without him." She replied with a smile as she talked about Spike.

"If he ever hurt you, you'd tell me… right?"

"Buffy, I swear you have nothing to worry about. Spike would never hurt me."

"But…"

"You don't need to worry about anything like that, ever. He loves me, and, frankly, I trust him with my life. Besides…" she added jokingly "Major witch here… I can handle anything that could come my way."

"Alright. But just for the sake of fair warning, if I find out he ever hurt you I'll be making sure he's a pile of dust floating in the wind."

"Fair enough." Said the witch, elbowing the Slayer gently as they continued casually walking through the cemetery. "I know my relationship with Spike is going to be hard on you, and I'm sorry." Willow said softly.

"I'll never be able to totally trust him after what he… a-and I don't think I could ever forgive him for it either."

"I know that, and so does Spike. He's not asking for you to forgive him. Honestly, he doesn't even want you to." The blonde looked at her with a slight frown of confusion. "We've both talked about it and he feels that you shouldn't have to forgive him. The guilt is something he'll have to live with for the rest of his life as his punishment." Buffy just nodded, not quite knowing what to say about it. They walked in silence for a time, enjoying the cool night air as Buffy contemplated whether or not to call it a night. It had actually been a slow week for slaying, and tonight didn't appear to be any different.

"What do you say, time to head home?" the slayer asked.

"Might as well. Its pretty dead tonight anyway."

"Sounds good to me." And they both turned and headed in the opposite direction. Willow glanced at her blonde friend and could tell she was preoccupied, probably due to the conversation they just had about a certain vampire. She couldn't blame Buffy for the way she felt, in fact, she considered it to be completely understandable given what he had done. But it made Willow proud that the Slayer was willing to put aside her feelings for the vampire knowing that it made her friend happy.

Without warning, the two girls were attacked from behind. The didn't have any sort of chance to react as Buffy's legs were knocked out from under her, sending her to the ground. Willow was shoved roughly forward by two incredibly strong hands, causing her to stumble with no hope of regaining her balance. As she fell, her forehead crashed painfully into the edge of a tombstone, and she lay there face down until a hand grabbed her arm and roughly rolled her onto her back.

She could hear the faint sounds of Buffy in battle as her eyes settled upon the face of her attacker. His face was only inches from hers, revealing yellow eyes and fangs, and a foul odor invaded her nostrils. She silently mouthed the words of a spell and closed her eyes as a look of agony came over his face before turning to dust. The red head rolled her body over and slowly pushed herself up, then took hold of the tombstone to help her stand and keep her balance. Groggily she recited the spell once again and watched as Buffy's opponent's ashes get caught in the breeze and float away.

"Thanks for the…" But Buffy's words died on her lips as she looked at the witch, blood quickly flowing from a deep gash on her forehead, and using a tombstone as a means of support. "Will?" The blonde ran to her friend's side, grabbing one of Willow's arms and wrapping it around her shoulders in an effort to help her friend stand.

"Buffy?"

"It's going to be okay, Will. I'll get you to the hospital and they'll fix you up good as new." She said, but the red heads eyes began to close. "Will! Stay with me now. You have to stay awake."

"M-my head hurts." Was all Willow said as her legs buckled.

~Part: 2~

"The cut on her head was pretty deep, but we managed to stop the bleeding and get it stitched up. She does have a mild concussion, so we'll be keeping her overnight for observation." The kindly doctor stated calmly.

"But she's okay, right?" Buffy asked, worry sounding in her voice as well as reflecting on her face.

"Physically, she's in good health and I don't foresee any problems with her leaving tomorrow and going home. She will be in some pain, however, but I will give you her medication to take home with her." He looked into the face of the young blonde woman and smiled compassionately. "I assure you, she is going to be fine. She'll just need some rest. Now, if you will excuse me young lady, I have my rounds to make." He finished as he gave her a pat on the shoulder and made his way down the hall to the front desk.

Buffy felt a small amount of relief as she turned and went into the room of her best friend, and sat in the chair at her bedside. The guilt she felt was overwhelming, `Its all my fault. I should have kept my mind on my job." She chastised herself.

Her thoughts were interrupted as Xander and Spike quietly came into the room, both sets of eyes resting on the ghostly white figure of Willow lying on the hospital bed.

"Come on." The blonde slayer whispered as she stood and padded quietly out of the room, both men on her heels.

"How's Red? She's going to be alright, isn't she?" Spike asked before anyone had a chance to say anything.

"The doctor just left and said that everything is going to be fine. She's got a mild concussion, so she's going to have quite the headache for a while. But the doctor is giving me her medication to give her when she's home. She said, and watched both men sigh with relief at the news.

"So when does she come home?" asked Xander.

"He couldn't find anything else wrong with her, so the doc said she's free to leave tomorrow."

"What the bloody hell happened to her tonight?"

"Surprise attack. They had us down before we even knew what hit us. I managed to recover quick and fight one of the vampires, but Willow wasn't so lucky. She was able to use a spell to kill them both," Buffy looked down at the floor. "but not before she got hurt. When she fell, her head hit one of the tombstones… I saw the blood on…"

"Buff, what did you tell the doctor?" Xander asked curiously.

"She tripped on a tree root that was sticking out of the ground." She replied and Xander nodded.

"If you two don't mind, I'm going to sit with Red for a while." Spike said, and the two noticed the worry etched into his face.

"Go ahead. Xander and I will go grab some coffee and meet you back here." With that said, Spike turned on his heel and entered the room, choosing instead, to sit on the side of the bed.

The pain he was feeling was enormous as he looked at her pale features, eyes closed-shutting out the green pools he so loved to stare into. He hated feeling helpless, knowing he cold do nothing for her except wait for the moment when she would open her eyes and be the first thing she sees.

He brushed a red lock of hair off her forehead and noticed her skin had a slight chill to it, `Blood loss, and a cold room' he thought to himself as he watched her sleep.

"I miss your smile already, pet." He whispered as he leaned down and placed a tender kiss on her lips. The kiss itself only lasted for a second, but as he sat back up she began to stir and tried to open her eyes.

Buffy and Xander, after encountering the only coffee machine in the hospital-and finding out that it didn't work, walked into the room empty handed. They're eyes fell upon Willow as she began blinking rapidly and move a hand to touch her head.

"Ow." Was all she said, and Spike leaned in close as a relieved smile came to his lips.

"You took a pretty bad spill there, pet. But your going to be fine." He said as she turned groggy eyes to him.

"It hurts."

"I should say so. Give it time and you'll be right as rain again. I promise."

"Okay." She nodded and closed her eyes once again. "Thank you doctor."

~Part: 3~

"I wouldn't worry too much about it, Spike. She's pretty doped up on painkillers right now. You could be… let's say, James Marsters in a pair of speedo's and she'd probably still call you doctor."

"Xander's right. I wouldn't worry about it. "Buffy replied as she looked down at her watch. "We should be heading home now. The doc said she's going to be fine and would be out for the rest of the night. I figure there's not much we can do for her till tomorrow."

"Well, if you mates don't mind, I'd rather stick around and keep an eye on her. This is still day time for me… for the next few hours anyway." Spike paused and looked to the floor. "I don't want Red to be alone."

"Sounds good to me. We'd feel better if there was someone with her tonight." Buffy agreed. "Spike, listen. Why don't you come over before the sun comes up? Y-you could give us a hand getting everything ready for her." Buffy cleared her throat as she saw the blonde vampire stare at her in disbelief. "Willow loves you… she'd want you there, and as much as I hate you, I won't deny her that." She said, but a dangerous look came over her face. "Ever hurt her, and I won't think twice about killing you."

"I guess we have nothing to worry about then, do we? I could never hurt my Red…I love her, Buffy. I would die before I let anything happen to her."

Buffy looked into his blue eyes and saw the sincerity of his words. He was speaking the truth. This vampire would do anything to protect her friend… `and will probably do a better job than I did.' She thought, as the guilt overcame her. All she could do was nod and look to Xander as she turned to leave, the brunette following closely behind.

Spike couldn't blame the slayer for not trusting him… after all; she has her reason, and a very good one at that. The guilt he felt was, at times, rather overwhelming… especially when the slayer was around, a constant reminder of what had happened-of what he had almost done. It was something that he would have to live with for the rest of his unlife, and he would do it willingly.

But for now, Willow was his main concern. He sat himself down in the chair and quietly stared at her in fascination. She looked so small and fragile as she lay there, and he found himself wondering what she could be dreaming about. His mind moved to the events before they admitted they're love for one another, the moments that caused his feelings for her to change.

The first night they saw each other in Willy's bar, he had thrown some fairly biting comments her way, but what had amazed him was that she had taken each in stride and thrown one right back at him. She had been so different from the babbling girl he used to know.

Her sentences no longer ran on, but were instead, short and precise, and she had an air of confidence about her that she'd never had before. Everything she had been through, combined with her time in England had made her grow up.

He found her quite fascinating to watch as she showed a hard exterior to everyone, but let her heart come out in trying to lend him some comfort as he told her what he was going through. Comforting someone who had spent over one hundred years killing and torturing-and loving every bloody second of it.

His victim's faces floated through his mind, torturing him, never to let him forget what hideous acts he had played out in the name of fun. His only respite is when he is with his Willow. Just the way she would look into his eyes and into his heart, seeing something no one else had ever seen (or tried to), his humanity and the capacity to love with all his heart. She made him feel whole and loved… and wanted.

She had slipped into his heart, and became a much needed part of his life… she was part of his soul. To lose her now would be like losing an arm or a leg, something he just couldn't bring himself to live without.

She was there for him when no one else was, when he needed someone the most, and gave of herself willingly all the while expecting nothing in return… not even his love. Proof was in the sunrise she gave him, her wonderful gift was to give him a chance to experience a truly happy emotion.

It was then he had professed his love for her, and it was then he saw her smile, a real smile for the first time since they had met at the bar. And in her eyes he saw such love and tenderness… the likes of which he'd never seen nor felt before, and it was directed at him. He knew at that moment that she loved him… she was his.

He pulled his thoughts away and quickly glanced out the window to see traces of the sun's rays, and swore. "Bloody hell!" he swore softly as he looked to Willow, "Sorry, luv. Time for me to leave." And he leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the cheek then left, heading towards the stairs for the basement. "Sewers it is. Bugger!"

~Part: 4~

"Ah, Miss Summers. The release forms are signed making her free to leave. Here is her medication." Said the aging doctor as he handed Buffy a small bottle of pills. "One pill-twice daily. Now she's taken quite the punishment on her head, so expect her to be a little unclear at times. She's already expressed to me that she is pretty foggy about her accident, and isn't quite sure what happened."

"Is that normal?" Buffy asked, voice full of concern.

"In most cases like this, yes. I wouldn't worry; her head will clear itself given time. Just make sure she gets plenty of rest, and don't let her over-exert herself. Alright?"

"Okay. And thank you so much for looking after her." The blonde said as she offered a hand.

"My pleasure, young lady." He replied as he shook the extended hand. "Now, if you will excuse me, I think you can take over from here." The kindly doctor finished with a smile, and made his way to the nurse's desk.

"Well, Buff. Let's get her home where she belongs."

"Sounds good to me, Xan. I couldn't agree with you more right now." She said as they walked down the hall and entering Willow's room.

The red head sat there patiently on the edge of her bed waiting, when her eyes moved and came to rest on a tall figure stepping into her room wearing a rather wide grin on his face.

"Xander!" she exclaimed as he came towards her and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"There's my bestest bud." He pulled back and wagged his finger at her, all the while still wearing a silly grin. "You had me so worried. I didn't like it… don't do that to me again. I just can't handle all this suspense." She couldn't help chuckling a little. "How are ya feeling?"

"I'm okay. The doctor gave me a pain killer a couple of hours ago, so the headache is tolerable." She said when she noticed that he wasn't alone. A blonde young woman was still standing by the door, and Willow gave her a big smile to welcome her. "Hi."

"Willow." Said the blonde in relief as she came to stand near Xander and the red head. "I'm so glad your okay. Everyone was so worried about you. Please don't do this to us again." She said in mock anger.

"Oh, that's so sweet. I'm still not sure what happened though."

"Yeah, the doc told us and said that was a pretty normal thing with this type of head injury. But, other than that he says your going to be fine." Buffy finished.

"You know, that's really sweet of you to be so concerned." Willow looked at Xander. "I like her, she's definitely a keeper."

"Uh, yeah. Planned on it… I guess." Xander said, giving Buffy a quizzical look.

"Well. Xander has obviously forgotten his manners about a proper introduction. I'm Willow, which you already know. And you are…?" She asked, extending a hand to the blonde.

"Uh, Will? Don't you know me?"

"Aren't you Xander's new girlfriend? Isn't that why you're here with him?" Willow asked as the smile she wore was now fading from her face in confusion.

"Actually, you and I are friends. We've known each other for about 7 years or so now." Buffy looked to Xander. "I'm gonna go get the doctor… maybe he can tell us what's wrong." And she hurried out the door.

"Xander, what's going on? She says I know her, but I don't… I really don't. I've never seen her before now."

"Will, that was Buffy… our friend. What she said was true; we've known her for about 7 years now. Look, don't worry; it's going to be okay. She's bringing the doctor back here and he can take another look at you." But the fear still crept its way to her face. "You'll be fine. I'll always take care of you."

"Promise?"

"Hey, would I let anything happen to my bestest bud?" he said, and caressed her cheek. "I promise."

"Okay. And I'm gonna hold you to that promise mister." She smiled, but began to nervously knit her fingers together.

"Well now, Miss Rosenberg. I hear your having a bit of memory loss." The doctor said as he walked in. "Now if you'll just stay seated on the bed, I can check your wound, and then I'll be asking you some questions to see what the extent of your memory loss is." He looked to Xander and Buffy, "If you two will please excuse us."

~Part: 5~

"Xander, where are we? I thought you said you were taking me home." Willow said as she looked at the house on Revello drive, as well as the unfamiliar surroundings.

"You are home, Will. You live here with Buffy." He calmly replied, but the red head remained unconvinced as she looked around. "I swear, it's the truth." He shut the engine off and he and Buffy got out of the car, as did Willow… after some prompting from Xander.  They made it up to the front door, but Willow couldn't help steeling a glance at the blonde that was walking quietly with them.

"So, we're friends and I live here with you." It came out more as a statement than a question.

"Actually, you and I are more like sisters than friends. Oh, hey…" the blonde said as they walked inside, "I have pictures that I can show you if you want."

"Pictures? I love looking at pictures." Willow replied with a little bit of newfound enthusiasm as Xander closed the door behind them.

"There you are, pet. Your late, I was beginning to worry." Spike said as he walked towards the trio, happiness evident in his features.

"Uh, Spike…" Buffy tried to cut in, but his focus was totally on Willow, and paid the blonde no mind.

"You had me scared last night." He said, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly. "I'm just glad your okay, luv." He finished, but something was wrong… she wasn't hugging him back; in fact, he could feel every muscle in her body tensing. He pulled back to look into her face, but instead of love and tenderness, he saw shock and fear. "Red?"

"Xander, could you show Willow to her room please?" said Buffy, immediately taking charge. "Spike, you come with me. I need to make a phone call first, then you and I will have a little chat." And she grabbed the vampire's arm, practically dragging him into the kitchen with her.

"Xander?" she said, keeping her eyes on the retreating figures. "Who on earth was that?"

"That, my dear Willow, is your boyfriend, Spike."

"I date a guy named `Spike'?" she asked, totally flabbergasted.  She couldn't believe it. Never in a million years did she think she would end up dating anyone named spike… not her. She looked up into Xander's face as he nodded… it's true.

"C'mon, your room is upstairs." And he led the way, Willow following close behind. When they got to they're destination, the red head stared at the closed door as a feeling of trepidation came over her. She didn't know why, but for some reason she found herself none to eager to open the door and go inside.

Xander noticed this and relieved her of the small task, opened the door and stepped in. She slowly walked in when all at once a feeling of dread hit her as her eyes scanned the room. She couldn't explain the feelings that invaded her mind… knew she couldn't if she tried to speak of the feelings aloud… to her eyes; it was just an ordinary room.

She turned her eyes to the window and walked to stand in front of it, then for some unknown reason she felt compelled to run her fingers over the smooth glass. As she stood there watching her fingers travel little circles, she heard a loud, sharp crack that caused her to flinch.

"Will?" the brunette asked with concern as the red head slowly turned her head down to a spot on the floor by her feet. She put her fingers to her temples as a wave of emotions slammed into her… confusion, grief, but the worst of all was the rage.

Willow could feel it all around her, it seemed to permeate the entire room make her double over, causing Xander to take her by the shoulders and lead her out of the room.

"Willow, Willow! Hey, it's okay… I'm right here with you." As she looked up he saw the hot tears streaking her face and abject fear in her eyes, and her breathing came in gasps, as if she had run in a marathon. "Its okay…" he said, pulling her close, "Everything will be alight. You and Buffy can trade rooms for q while, I'm sure she won't mind."

"Oh Xander! It was the most horrible thing I've ever felt! It was awful! What the hell was that?"

"Shhh, don't worry Will. I looked into it, Okay? Everything is going to be fine, I'll take care of you." He said, "I promise."

~Part: 6~

"I hope you don't mind, but after what happened I told her you'd be okay with switching rooms for now."

"Is that where she is now?" the slayer questioned.

"Yeah. I told her to lay down and try to relax." He paused. "You should have seen the fear in her eyes, Buffy. She wasn't just scared… she was terrified. She tried to describe the emotions she felt in the room, but couldn't quite find the words. I- I think maybe she was remembering a little." Finished Xander.

"Great… had to pick `that' particular memory." She said, shaking her head. "Well, I talked to Giles and told him everything."

"And what's he think about all this?"

"He thinks that because she can remember everything in her life up to the point just before I came to Sunnydale, and nothing after that, that her mind is seeking to escape back to a time where her only problems had to do with getting an A+ on a test. The guilt she's feeling is tremendous, and her mind decided to cope by letting go of everyone and everything associated with what happened a few months back. You know, the `destructo' thing."

"So, slayer. What do we do about my Red? What does the Bookworm say to that?" asked Spike, and Buffy couldn't help but feel sympathy for the vampire as she looked at the pain marking his features, and the slumping of his shoulders.

"About the only thing we can do is wait. With luck she'll remember things slowly so it won't be as hard for her to deal with it. Tell her all about us and what we do over time… you know, try and prepare her."

"Why slowly?" Xander asked as he furrowed his brows.

"Because, if she remembers it all at once, it may be too much for her to handle and… well, any number of things could happen. At least with her learning about everything slowly she has a chance to adjust."

"Is the `Bookworm' coming back to help?"

"He wants me to keep him posted on everything that happens.  If it becomes necessary, he'll be coming back to help with the situation."

They all sat in silence for a time considering how to go about bringing up the past without scaring the devil out of they're friend. It wasn't going to be easy and they knew it… especially after what had just happened less than twenty minutes ago. She is in a very fragile state right now, and any more would just be too much.

"Well, I've got to get Willow her medication." She said, interrupting everyone's thoughts. "Spike, if you like you can stay on the couch tonight."

"I appreciate that, Duck. Thank you." `He looks so sad and lost' she thought as she took the pill bottle out of her purse and left the room.

Buffy climbed the stairs and made her way to the washroom to get some water to wash the pills down with. When the paper cup was full she went to her room and lightly tapped on the door.

"Come in?" was the response, and the blonde opened the door and smiled at the girl sitting on the bed, her legs pulled up in front of her.

"How ya feeling?" she asked, and saw Willow smile slightly in return.

"Still a little shaky, but I'm okay now."

"Its time for your medicine." She said, handing Willow the cup of water and a little white pill. The red head put the pill in her mouth and followed it with a large gulp of water, then politely thanked Buffy for bringing it to her.

"Hey, what are friends for? Don't sweat it, Will."

"I-I believe you… about us being friends, I mean. You have a picture on your night table and some taped to your mirror of you, me and Xander." She cast her eyes down. "I know it was nosey of me to snoop, but I couldn't resist looking at them."

"Well, what are pictures to be taken for, if not to be looked at? I've got more downstairs I can show you tomorrow if your interested."

"I am, I'd like that." She looked back up at the blonde, relaxing for the first time in her presence. "It's kinda weird seeing me in pictures, but not remembering anything about them, or of them even being taken."

"I don't doubt that for a second. I know it would wig me out too." Buffy chuckled. "Now you get some sleep, we can talk about things in the morning when you've had a chance to rest." The red head nodded and made herself comfortable.

"Thanks, Buffy.

~Part: 7~

Her sleep was not a peaceful one as strange images danced in her minds eye, blurry images, everything out of focus. She tried to concentrate on them, but it was as though a fog had settled in front of her, making what little she could see undistinguishable… and the harder she tried, the harder it was to see.

Voices crept in; so many voices all speaking at once, voices that seemed somehow familiar-she should know them- but could put no faces to them. Saying things that she couldn't understand. And that noise… a loud sound, like the sound of thunder.

"I can't imagine the pain your in."

Bang!

Bang!

Bang!

Bang!

She sat still for a moment trying to calm herself down before deciding to leave the room and head downstairs. She padded her way along quietly so as not to wake the others as she made her way to the front door, opened it and stepped outside for some much needed fresh air.

She was somewhat surprised when she saw someone sitting on the front step, exhaling a cloud of smoke from his mouth. He turned around and gave her a slight smile and a nod as he watched her standing there, uncertain as to what to do next.

"Evening, Pet." He said calmly.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you." She looked down shyly. "I leave you alone."

"No need for `sorry's'."  He said, "Here, have a seat." Willow quietly shut the door and sat down beside the handsome blonde man… but made sure there was some space between them, something Spike noticed right away.

"Spike, right?" she asked.

"That it is, luv."

She paused before speaking again.

"Xander said you were my boyfriend." She said nervously.

"Right again." He looked at her. "What's the matter, Red?"

"Oh, n-nuthin. Just that, never in a million years did I ever think I'd be dating a guy named Spike. N-no offense."

"None taken." He replied as she looked over to him. `Oh those eyes' he thought to himself. `She looks at me, but doesn't really see me'.

"Sooo, you couldn't sleep either?"

"Actually, I'm more of a night person."

"Oh." Was her only reply, and they both ended up sitting in silence for a time before the blonde spoke, breaking the silence.

"Your head… hurting much?"

"Yeah, quite a bit. The pills help some though."

"Well, you took a pretty nasty spill there, pet. Won't be long before your right as rain again." He said, and Willow gave a slight nod as she watched the man beside her take a long haul from his cigarette and expel the smoke.

"You know, you really shouldn't be smoking, it's not good for you. You could end up getting cancer and dying from it. You ever think about quitting?"

Spike couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped after her comment, but was nonetheless touched by her concern.

"You know, Red. Anything's possible."

~Part: 8~

"Well, Pet. Sun's coming up, time for me to head inside." Said the blonde as Willow looked up at the sky in total surprise.

"I didn't realize how long we've been sitting out here." She looked back to him. "Stay and sit with me? We could watch the sunrise together." She asked hopefully.

He stared into those emerald green pools, and wished more than anything that he could stay with her and watch the sky as the sun made its glorious entrance. To wrap his arms around her and hold her close to him once more.

"No thanks, luv. I'm not one to watch such things."

"Oh." She said with disappointment, "I guess you and I have never seen any while we were together then."

"Actually, we did… once." He said as he stood up and made his way to the door. "Comin' in, luv?"

"No. I think I'll just sit a little while longer." At a loss for a reply, the blonde quietly opened the door and stepped in. "Spike?"

"Yeah, Red?"

"What's your name? Your real name."

"It's William."

"William." She repeated softly to herself. "Sounds nice… I like it." The blonde smiled to himself as he allowed himself a moment to watch her waiting for the sun to cast its light upon the world.

"Red?"

"Yes, William?"

"Just wanted to say that I'll be waiting, Pet."

"Waiting for what?" she asked curiously as she turned around to look at him.

"For you to smile for me again."

*                   *                  * *                  *                    *                     *

Later that evening, after Willow had taken a much needed nap, she made her way down the hall towards the stairs, but stopped once she reached the landing and turned once more to the closed bedroom door. A door leading into the room that had sent waves of terror to crash into her, causing her legs to buckle under her own weight.

Slowly she walked forward until the door was directly in front of her, and once again the feeling of foreboding came upon her. She tentively raised her hand and placed her fingers on the brass doorknob, turning it and allowing the door to swing partly open.

Gathering her courage, she stepped into the room, her shoulder bumping the door to open it further as her eyes looked around. The same feelings were present, just as strongly as before, but she wouldn't let herself back out… and pushed herself to go onwards.

`Its just a room' she thought to herself, `What's your problem?' and with that, she slowly made her way to the window-to the place where the feelings were the strongest. She was prepared this time for the onslaught of emotions that smacked into her. But even with the with the preparation it was still hard to handle as her breathing came in gasps, and had to put a hand on the window-pane to maintain her balance.

Voices echoed in her mind, much like the way it did in her dreams, and though the voices were clearer she found that she didn't understand the meanings of what was being said… the words made no sense.

"I can't imagine the pain your in- I'm here to help you- You concern me, Willow- I love you"

          Bang!

"If you lose someone you love- Your turning on the people who care about you now- You hate it here as much as I do- the other people in your life become meaningless- It's all nothing"

          Bang!

Willow put her fingers to her temples and stumbled her way to the door, bumping into Buffy as she passed through the doorframe.

"Will? Will, are you alright?" the concerned slayer asked, and Willow taised her head allowing Buffy to see her tear streaked face. "C'mon. Lets get you downstairs." She said as she gently grasped Willow's arm and guided her downstairs and towards the kitchen. "I'll make some coffee and let you calm down. A little later on we'll have a little chat, and hopefully that'll clear a few things up for you. How's that sound?"

"Actually, Buffy. I could really use a cup of tea. I don't know why, `cause I never used to like tea. Strange huh?" Willow said, but all Buffy could do was smile. `So far away, and he can still manage influence people' thought the blonde.

"Tea it is."

~Part: 9~

"I'm a what?!" The red head asked incredulously.

"A witch. You know… the creepy cackle and black cauldrons gig." Xander replied, "Swoops down on the straw broomstick `shtick'."

"Sooo, I'm a witch, you're a Slayer and you're a vampire. Riiiiight." She said, looking at each of them, and then resting her eyes on Xander. "And what would you be? Satan disguising himself as my best friend? Or-or maybe the boogeyman?" she said sarcastically.

"Actually, I'm just me. Your bestest bud and all around great guy… with the boyish charm, I might add."

"Okay." Willow said as she stood up. "You guy's are really starting to freak me out. I'm the one with the head injury and memory loss. See? Right there." She pointed to her bandage. "And here I am, in a room full of people who obviously need a psychiatrist more than I do."

"Will…" Buffy moved towards her.

"No, no way! Stay where you are, `Slayer'! I-I mean it. All of you need some serious help!"

"Look, I can call Giles… you can talk to him if you like." But Willow just stared at Buffy for a moment, a confused expression on hr face and the Blonde knew than mentioning the watcher's name had triggered something.

"Giles…" Willow repeated, almost as a whisper.

"Yes, Giles. You spent some time with him in England."

`You concern me, Willow'

"N-no, I don't know anyone named Giles." She said uncertainly as a face slowly appeared in her mind's eye. It was a kindly face, with a gentle smile… fatherly, "I don't know any Giles!" she denied.  `I'm here to help you'. She could hear the words in her mind and knew that the voice matched with his image as she brought her fingers to her head and pressed them to her temples.

"Its not true! None of what you say is true!" but even to her own ears, she was starting to sound hysterical. "You're not a Slayer, and your not a vampire! There are no such things as vampires, or demons or anything else!"

They all looked to one another, then Buffy looked to Spike and nodded, giving him the go-ahead. With a shrug at the two, the bleached blonde stepped forward and regarded Willow with sympathy.

"Please, pet. Please, don't be scared. I would never do anything to hurt you… ever. Try to understand…" he said as he morphed into his vampiric façade, only to see the horror fill her face as she saw his natural state.

The red head began screaming and backing away as abject fear gripped her. Xander ran forward to comfort her, but she would not let him anywhere near. Spike had never seen her this terrified before, and certainly not from him. The vampire felt so helpless and morphed back into his human face as he reached a hand out to her.

"Stay the hell away from me! She shouted as images and phrases slammed into her.

`Willow was a loser- Will, there's so much to live for- I can't imagine the pain your in- It's all nothing'

BANG! Her mind knew that was the gunshot… Tara.

`You concern me, Willow- Willow doesn't live here anymore- Stay on this path and you'll wind up dead- Nothing can hurt me now- Buffy, you hate it here as much as I do'

BANG! She flinched at the sound only she could hear.

Everything was coming back to her now with an unwanted clarity… the battle with Buffy, what she had done to Xander and… "Oh Goddess, Giles!"

`You concern me, Willow- I can't imagine the pain your in- Will, there's so much to live for- Stay on this path and you'll wind up dead- If your gonna kill the world, then start with me… I've earned that- Nothing can hurt me now- Its all nothing- I get it now, its not about the killing… its about the power- There is nothing in the world that can stop me now- Its all about the power- I'd like to test that theory- about the power- power-power'

Before her minds eye, she watched as a temple made its rise from deep within the ground, and sightless eyes of the form upon it stared back at her.

"Pozapexxa." She whispered to herself. "I didn't do it, any of it. I-it's a lie… n-need proof… prove I didn't." she said as she ran to the door and out before anyone could stop her.

"Proof?" Spike asked, looking at the others for the answer.

"She's going to Kingman's Bluff." Replied the Slayer.

"Why? What does that place have to do with anything?"

"A lot." Xander replied. "The proof of everything she did is sitting right there."

"We've got to get to her fast. I don't know what she'll do once she see's the ephigee."

""Let me go, Slayer… alone." Spike said, and the Slayer looked at him uncertainly, "Please, trust me… I'll bring her back."

~Part: 10~

There it stood, looming before her… the same image that came to her mind not an hour before was staring back at her with those sightless eyes as if mocking her. The red head sank to her knees as everything came back to her, forcing her to believe the truth of everything she was told. She was a killer… a murderer.

`Lost… I don't know what to do.' She thought as she looked around and saw the destruction she had created. Though it was only earth… it was still life, something to be held dear to one's heart. Blackened earth, no plant life grew from this spot.

`How can I live with myself… how could the other's after what I did?'

   *                     *                   * *                   *                     *

Spike used every ounce of strength he had and ran… ran to get to the place where his lovely Willow was at this moment. Ran to get to her before she did anything to herself.

"I can't live without her… I won't live without her!" he said as he looked up to the night sky, "I don't know it your real, mate… but please, look after my red `till I get there." He said, but the heavens only stared back at him.

Desperation drove him on… such a feeling he's never known until now… and it scared him more than he could put into words. He ran through the trees, not even flinching as small twigs and branches struck his face and arms, causing cuts and whelps to appear.

Once he made it to the clearing he saw her, just standing there at the edge of the bluff, and a single thought entered his mind… she's going to jump.

Carefully, so as not to startle her, he made his way to her side. "Red?" he asked, but she neither turned to look at him or answer.

"Red, c'mon." he said as he reached out and grabbed her arm, spinning her to face him. He saw the tear streaked face, the sadness in those emerald eyes, and gently pulled her to him in an embrace and stoked her hair. "Everything will be all right now, you'll see, pet."

"I'm a monster, Spike… I killed people. Nothing will be all right. Not anymore."

"Don't say that, pet. Nobody blames you. You were in pain, they understand that. Its nothing they wouldn't have done themselves. Even Giles went up against the Poof when Angelus killed his lady- friend."

"He only tried killing Angelus… not the entire world." She replied as a sob escaped her. "What he did was out of love and pain."

"So was yours, luv."

"No," she said, shaking her head. "Only at first. But after Warren…" her body began to shake as she began to cry, and Spike pulled her tighter to him in an effort to comfort her.

"Shhhhh, it's okay. I'm here. I'll always be here for you." He pulled away slightly and tilted her head up, "And so will the others. They're worried about you."

"But…"

"What's with the `buts'? I mean, look at me, red. I'm up here with you doing the sappy stuff, which I might add, is not good for my `big bad' reputation you know. What if word of this gets out? I'll be known as `the big poof jr.' that just isn't right." He finished, hoping to lighten the mood.

"I wish I'd never got my memory back. It was easier not to remember."

"Well, of course it is, but that's not the way life works. Look, everyone has done things they wish they could forget… but you, you actually got that chance, even if it was for a little while. That's more than the rest of us can say."

"Were there things you'd wish to forget?"

"Of course. But that's another story, luv." He said, and she nodded. He looked into her eyes and caressed her cheek. "It was hard to be near you, ya know… and you not remember me." He confessed. "Smile luv… smile for me again."

A small smile came to her lips as she said the words he had been waiting to hear again.

"I love you, Spike." She said as he hugged her close. "You'll always be my `big bad'."

"Damn straight."

The END

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