Notes: I heard the song Cry Me A River by Justin Timberlake on the radio today and I don't know- something clicked and this idea just came to mind- hope you guys like :-)
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~Part: 1~
His whole world came crashing down today. One word, one action, one conversation. It was over and it ended in a way he never expected. She had left him and now- everything he'd cherished before was gone.
~^~**~^~
"What the *hell* happened?" Buffy demanded as she slammed the door, rushing into the apartment.
Spike looked up, red staining pale skin, and replied shakily, "She left me"
"*Why*?"
"I.. don't know"
"Bullshit- that girl was head over heels in love with you- believe me- I know- she's my best friend."
He shook his head, a harsh laugh spilling from his lips, "You have no idea how much she has changed because of me"
"What?"
"She hid herself from your bloody group, her *real* self"
"Willow would never do that"
He rose an eyebrow, his tears finally coming to a halt, "Really?"
"Yeah she would ne-" Buffy stopped in mid-sentence, suddenly realizing Spike's point. "Oh" she said deflatedly and sat down beside him on the couch. "So, what happened?"
"I don't know.. one minute everything was fine and the next she was packing up her stuff and heading out the door."
"What did you *do*?"
"Why do you automatically think it's *my* fault?"
"Because- she wouldn't just leave you out of nowhere. I mean yeah I haven't talked to her in awhile but I *do* know that she loved you and she doesn't just leave her loved ones like that"
"She doesn't love me anymore"
"What? Of course she does, any idiot could see that"
"I asked her. I tried everything to prevent her from leaving and I asked her right before she went out the bloody door, "Do you still love me" and she said "No". It didn't look like she was lying" Spike shook his head trying to chase away the memory of her voice.
"Ok- tell me from the beginning, *exactly* what happened."
"I got home and when I opened the door she was sitting there, her face showing no emotion. She asked me if I loved her and of course I replied Yes and then she said good. Then she started to pack up her things. I tried to ask her what the *hell* was going on but all she would say to me was I hope you hurt, over and over again. Then she just left."
"Did you try to stop her?"
"You daft bint! Did you not hear the bloody words that were coming out of my mouth?"
"I meant physically dumbass!"
"I tried.. I tried to put myself in her way but she just pushed passed me. I couldn't restrain her though, I could never hurt her. I don't what the hell is going on." He put his head in his hands again, <can vampires even have migraines?>
~^~**~^~
I left. I can't believe I actually did it. Needless to say it was hard as hell but I did it. I can't believe him, the nerve. To just stand there and pretend like nothing had happened. I tried, I tried so hard to just push it all away and maybe come up with an excuse with *why* he would have done something like that, but I couldn't. He should have known- hell- *I* should have known. He should have known I was bound to find out. How he thought he could manage to hide it all- I don't know. The worse part of it all, I had to find it out from *her*. Not from him, from *her*.
~Part: 2~
Willow pushed her face farther into the pillow, trying to rid her haunting thoughts. They were always there, tugging at her- never giving her a moment of peace. She didn't get it. Why *her*? Why *her* of *all* people?! <What does *she* have that *I* don't? I trusted her- so much- and she just threw that back in my face- *bitch*> Willow shot off the bed with a frustrated groan. She grabbed her hotel key off the counter and headed out the door to look for a method of relief.
~^~**~^~
Nothing worked. She tried shopping but her heart just wasn't in it. She tried to drink her problems away but she never did know how to hold her liquor. Nothing worked, not exercising, not watching movies, not listening to music, nothing. <only one choice left>
~^~**~^~
"Buffy?"
"Will? Will? Is that you?" Buffy nearly screamed into the phone.
"Umm.. yeah"
"Where have you *been*? We've been worried sick! It's been a week and no word from you! What the hell is going on?"
"Slow down Buff, you're starting to ramble- that's my job"
"Ok.. breathing- now tell me- what's going on?"
"he.. he.. oh goddess.. I can't believe him"
"Alright, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess you're talking bout Spike"
"He went to *her* Buffy, *her*. It all makes sense now- all the times where he tried to change the subject whenever I asked him where he went. All those times" she let out a sigh, "He tried to deny it all- he acted like he didn't know *what* was going on- and the worse part- I didn't find out from *him* no, I had to find out from *her*"
"Who is this *her* you keep talking about"
Willow was silent, not wanting to say the name.
"I thought I could be the one to make him happy but apparently I'm not good enough, I never am"
"Will- *do* *not* say that- any guy would be damn lucky to have you loving them and if Spike couldn't see that then he's a dumbass, even more then I thought he was. But Will, he loves you. You should've seen him when you first left, he was completely devastated and these past couple of days, he's been so utterly lost."
"You talked to him?"
"Yeah, he was desperate enough to call *me* for help.. he loves you Will"
"Then why?"
"You know, you're gonna have to tell me everything before I can start giving you advice. Why don't you start with who this *her* is"
"Tara"
~Part: 3~
"WHAT?"
"Tara"
"Wh-How-WHAT?"
"Yeah, now you see after about a week of *that* you might actually be where I am right now"
"Tara" Buffy repeated with disbelief, "ok.. explain- *NOW*!"
"From the beginning?"
"Yeah"
"Ok, I first met her when I joined that one Wicca group I told you about. She was really nice, a bit *too* nice"
"Ohhhh"
"Yeah- well- I told her how I wasn't interested cuz well.. you know- first off- I was going out with Spike" she spat out his name, "then and second cuz well.. you get my point- anyway- she basically got the point well and clear and we remained friends. We really did have a lot in common and she came over a lot and I think she even got to be good friends with Spike over time," she let out a sigh, "The day that I.. left was the day that I found out about *them*"
"Them? What? There is no them!"
"Just let me finish Buff, just let me finish."
"Alright.. go ahead"
"She came up to me out of nowhere and just began a conversation about Spike. I really didn't find it suspicious because well- you know- I thought they were friends. Of course, I was wrong. They were friends alright, I just didn't realize they were a little *more* then friends."
"Wait- and you just believed her? I mean she might be doing this to just break you guys up!"
"Her info checked out Buff- I mean- ok.. all those times that I came home and Spike was gone, in the middle of the day, not to mention- he was with *her*." She began to drift into her own thoughts, "All those times.. all those times that I came in the room and he had to abruptly end a phone conversation. All those times, I can't believe I've been so- ughh.."
"Will! Will! Umm- still on the phone here!"
"What-? Oh- sorry- but are you getting what I'm saying now?"
"Yeah- but I'm still not believing it Will- I know I haven't been the best of friends for the past couple of weeks but I do know what I've seen- Spike loves you- he would *not* just go and do something like that. This is coming from *me* here ok? I dislike him greatly and I'm protecting him"
"I don't know- I really don't know what to believe"
After a long pause Buffy finally asked, "Are you coming back?"
She paused for a second, "Yeah" she exhaled, "I think I am but I just.. just can't see him.. not yet"
"Completely understandable- you can sleep over at my place. It'll give us time to catch up and everything"
"Yeah- catch up" Willow bit her lower lip as the tears that had formed throughout the conversation began to pour freely down her cheeks, "I gotta go ok Buff? I'll call you when I leave"
"Wait Will- are you crying?" At getting no response Buffy spoke with more urgency, "Talk to me hun"
Willow brought the back of her hand up to her eyes and wiped the tears away, but they just kept on flowing, "I- I gotta go- ok?"
"Wi-" She hung up the phone before Buffy could finish and after a long moment she crawled under the covers. Her eyes scanned the hotel room and she couldn't help but feel a sense of loneliness, <why?>
~^~**~^~
Kick. "Bloody *fuck*" Kick. "Why" Kick. "did" Kick. "she" Kick. "leave" Kick. "me?" Spike dragged the now severely bleeding fledgling up by his collar, only to throw him up against the mausoleum. "*Why?*" he roared before he punched the fledgling in the stomach, "*Why?*"
"I do-don't know" The poor fledgling was frightened to death, and with good reason. First off- even though he was newly made he could tell that the vampire that was currently beating him to a bloody pulp was one of great power and second- this guy was pissed, not a good idea to get in his way. But then again, he was damned so apparently the Powers That Be just decided that today- he got to be a new punching bag.
"Rhetorical question, mate" Spike growled before shoving a stake through the fledgling's heart. He backed away from the dust and walked off in the opposite direction, never noticing the shadow that was watching him silently.
~^~**~^~
Spike's thoughts were in a jumble as he made his way through the streets of Sunnydale, looking for something to pound on. <Even the slayer, self- conceited bitch that she is, knows that she loves me. Then why in the bloody hell did she say she didn't? What the bloody fuck does she think I did?> He growled in frustration as his thoughts were leading him nowhere but in circles, <sod it all> He began to make his way back the apartment that Willow and he shared when he heard a soft voice call out his name.
"Spike" It repeated, more loudly this time. Spike whipped around, his eyes glowing amber, as he faced the speaker. When he saw who it was, his countenance lightened.
"Tara"
~Part: 4~
"What are you doing out here this late at night, Witch?"
"I-I j-just wanted to t-talk to y-you."
"What about?"
"W-Willow"
Spike growled as he heard *her* name but stopped when he noticed Tara backing away slowly, "Don't want to talk bout her"
"D-Did she really leave you?"
He rolled his hand up into a fist and began to squeeze until he could feel his nails digging into his palm, drawing blood. "Yes" he gritted out.
"I-I'm sorry"
"Too bloody late now" Spike glanced up at the sky, staring off into the starry night for a moment before looking back down at Tara, "Look Witch- thanks for tryin to help me out but I don't feel like talking right now"
"Y-You know it always helps to t-talk"
He forced out an unneeded sigh from his lungs when he realized she wasn't going to back down anytime soon, "You have a lot of time on your hands?"
At her affirmative nod he continued on, "Alright, this may take awhile."
~^~**~^~
"I still say you should give him a chance to explain" Buffy commented, then taking a bite out of her pizza. She leaned back against the foot of the bed and glanced at Willow who was sitting right across from her, her untouched food laying on a paper plate in front of her.
"It's too hard Buffy- I mean I can't even *think* about it without wanting to either cry my eyes out or hit something" She took a sip out of her pop can, "hard."
"Ok but that's only cuz the wound is still fresh but you can't exactly just shut him off without at least giving him a *chance* to explain."
Willow let out a sigh, "I know"
After a long pause Buffy asked, "Why do you believe her?"
"What would give her the reason to lie about something like this?"
Buffy shook her head, "I don't know but I just don't believe it Will- it just doesn't" she moved her hands in a circular motion to emphasize her point, "*feel* right."
"I'm tired of *feeling*. I'm tired of letting people in only to get hurt. I'm tired of it all Buffy." Her voice began to crack as she finished, "I just want it to stop."
"It always feels like that at the beginning. The pain, it consumes you and you can feel nothing but it. And you try to push it away and pretend it's not there but when it all come rushing back, it hurts even more. But you can't let it ruin you, you have to be strong Will- you just gotta buck up and deal with it."
Willow looked at her best friend with teary eyes, "Will it ever stop?"
"I don't know" she reached over and grabbed her hand, rubbing small circles on the back of Willow's hand for comfort.
~^~**~^~
The two blondes walked in silence back to Spike and Willow's apartment. <Bloody hell- why did I agree to this? I should've just told the witch to sod off- but she's a nice chit.> His eyes traveled over to the apartment as it came into view. He automatically felt a pang in his chest, <why does it hurt *so* much? *why*?>
Tara noticed his change of demeanor as they neared the apartment. <Poor baby, still misses his lil' ol' Willow> she mocked in her head. She turned away as she smirked cruelly, <but she's out of the way now- just gotta add some finishing touches and *finally* I can get what's rightfully *mine*>
~^~**~^~
Willow pushed the side of her head farther into the pillow as she squeezed her eyes tight, trying to stop the tears. Getting up and wiping her tears, she tip toed quietly over to the door, not wanting to wake the sleeping slayer. She grabbed a cross off her table and then made her way to the door, opening and closing it quietly. Willow made her way down the stairs, still tip toeing, wincing at every creak the stairs made as she walked onto them. Opening the front door quietly, she slipped out of the house. Willow sat on the slayer's front porch, staring off into the stars, thinking quietly. She couldn't sleep. That much was obvious. In her dreams all the thoughts that she would try her best to push away during the day would come back to haunt her. It seemed endless almost. "Will it ever stop? ~~ I don't know" The words echoed through her mind, she couldn't take it anymore. <Too much emotion.. too much> Her mind became more determined as the next words were brought forth from her memory, "You just gotta buck up and deal with it" After a few more minutes of thought she got up, more confident, and walked back into the house. "Just gotta deal with it" she said with more conviction then she felt as she closed the door with her back.
~^~**~^~
Tara watched the sleeping vampire who was seated right across from her. She knew he was exhausted, hell, it was all part of her plan. He was weak now, she knew. <All for the better> she thought as she got up quietly and made her way over to him. She brought her fingers up to his t-shirt covered chest and began to trace lightly around his muscles. Her eyes turned dark as she heard the name that he moaned, "Willow" She lowered her head to his ear and whispered out seductively, "Not Willow, Tara" She moved her head back and saw that his brow was furrowed in confusion. She smiled evilly as she returned to her seat, laying her head down on the arm of the couch to rest. <soon>
~Part: 5~
Willow woke up in the morning feeling a little bit better then the day before. <Just gotta deal with it> she repeated the words over and over in her mind as she went through her daily morning rituals.
"Hey hun! Did you sleep well?" Buffy asked as she put some bread slices in the toaster. She turned around to face the redhead, "You definitely look better" the blonde shook her head as she realized how that sounded, "ok.. that wasn't supposed to be an insult- I was going for a compliment there" Her rambling was halted when the toaster dinged from behind her.
A small smile broke out on Willow's face, "Thanks Buff and yeah.. I slept surprisingly well- after I got a little thinking in"
"Thinking?" Buffy asked as she placed a plate with a piece of buttered toast along with a small bowl of fresh fruit in front of Willow.
"About Spike" Willow popped a grape into her mouth as she continued her explanation, "I think I'm gonna actually follow your advice and just.. deal"
Buffy stopped chewing and looked at her best friend seriously, "Don't keep it all bottled in though Will- that's only going to lead to self-destruction. I'm here for you if you need to talk- ok?"
"I know" the redhead said smiling as she made her way over to the blonde Slayer. She gave her a tight hug before asking, "So what are our plans for today?"
"Giles called me bright and early this morning to tell me that I have to get my booty over to the Magic Shop to train. I umm.. told him you were back and he wanted to know if you were ready to get back into research mode- apparently we have a new baddie in town."
"Is.. everyone gonna be there?"
"Yeah" Buffy noticed how Willow stiffened at the response, "Look Will- if you're not ready then I can always tell Giles that you need some more time"
Willow began to tap her fingers against the table, <I can't just neglect my research duties because of my own personal issues- remember- just have to deal with it> She cleared her throat, "No- it's ok. I'll be fine"
The blonde looked at her best friend unsurely, "Are you positive? Because it's really ok-"
Willow interrupted her before she could finish, "Buffy- It's ok.. I'll be fine"
The worried look was still on Buffy's face as she said, "Alright.. if you're sure"
~^~**~^~
Spike woke with a start as he heard the phone ring. He looked around the apartment and saw that he was alone, <looks like the chit left> The phone rang two more times before Spike remembered that it would be a good idea to actually pick up the ringing object.
"Yeah?" he asked irritated.
"Hello to you too"
"What do you want Slayer?"
"Research- be at the Magic Box by sundown"
"Where are your manners Slayer? No please or thank you?"
Buffy was not in the mood to play his games, "Look- are you gonna be there or not?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"No but I wanted to be *polite*"
"Right-"
Before he could get out his jab Buffy interrupted him with the one sentence that she knew would get his attention, "Willow's back and she's gonna be there tonight" She hung up the phone before he could get any other questioning words out.
~^~**~^~
Spike paused outside the Magic Box, he was only steps away from seeing the woman he loved.. the one that haunted his dreams.. the one that would always remain in his mind and heart. He was turning into a bloody poof.. and he knew it. But what could he do- he always was a hopeless romantic. When he loved, he loved completely. He couldn't go through another heartbreak, not another one. And not with Willow. She was his mate, the one that completed him. And he wasn't letting her go. With his hand on the door knob he silently wished to the gods that he no longer believed in anymore for some luck with what was to come.
~^~**~^~
Willow never paused in her typing when she heard the bell ring, signaling that someone had entered the shop. Considering how the shop was closed to customers as it was after hours and that everyone had already arrived.. it was obvious who it was. <You can do this.. you can do this> she repeated the mantra over and over in her head. In fact, she was so engrossed in repeating it in her mind that she never realized that she was being spoken to.
"Will! Will!" Buffy snapped her fingers in front of the spaced out redhead's face. "You in there?"
"Huh- what?" A dazed look covered the pretty hacker's face. She shook head and looked up again, a bit more clarity in her eyes, "What's going on now?"
"Giles was just asking if you wanted more tea and umm.. Spike's here" Buffy pointed a finger at the previously mentioned vamp, "He said hi by the way"
<Don't crack.. you can do this> She turned her head up and met his gaze, "Hello Spike"
"Red" He nodded at her and stood still, waiting for her next move.
Buffy looked from Willow to Spike, <wow.. can we say *tension*?> She cleared her throat, "Anyways- we have a demon to research about so umm.. Spike- sitting down, grabbing a book, and actually reading it would be a good idea."
"Right" He nodded again and made his way over to a chair right next to Willow, in hopes to actually talk to her about their situation. When he sat down, Willow immediately got up and slid her lap top to the other side of the table, then promptly sitting down in front of it. She went straight back to typing without meeting Spike's gaze.
After another 20 minutes of Willow ignoring Spike and Spike trying to get her attention, it was obvious to see that the redhead was getting tired of the charade. She looked up and saw that Xander, Anya, Giles, and Buffy had all migrated to the other side of the room in fear of being caught in the crossfire that was bound to happen. She turned her head and finally faced the bleached blonde demon. His eyes lit up as he finally completed the task he was set on doing for the past 20 minutes.
"What do you want Spike?" she asked annoyed.
"Just to talk luv"
A harsh laugh spilled from her lips, "Wow.. watch that *not* happen"
"I deserve a chance to-"
Willow cut him off, seething, "You *deserve* *nothing*" she looked up at the ceiling, trying to calm herself, "I owe you nothing"
"If our relationship meant anything to you, you would at least-"
Again Willow cut him off, <how dare he use the "if our relationship meant anything to you" line- ok.. now she was *really* pissed off> "Excuse me? If our relationship meant anything to *me*? That's a bit hypocritical coming from *you*. We wouldn't even be having this conversation in the first place if you didn't do what you did!"
"That's my point Willow- I don't even know what the hell you think I did!"
Her eyes flashed with anger, "Figure it out then" She got up with enough force to send the chair flying back against the shelf of books.
Giles reached his hand out, intending on stopping the two if they decided to cause destruction to his shop. He was stopped by Buffy who looked at him warningly, "Bad idea- believe me"
Willow made her way to the door, still pissed as hell. If she didn't get out of there soon she would lose complete control over the whole situation. She said a silent prayer to the Goddess that Spike wouldn't follow. It seemed that the Goddess wasn't listening because Spike did just that.. follow her.
"You can't turn your back forever luv, you have to face me someday."
"You underestimate me" She called out, still not turning her back around to face him.
"Why won't you talk to me Willow? That's all I'm asking- what are you afraid of?"
Willow halted her steps, shivering slightly from the cold of the night, "You *really* want to know Spike?" Seeing the desperate look on his face she continued on, "I'm afraid of getting hurt- *again*. By *you* Spike- you were supposed to love me. You were supposed to protect me from getting hurt- I trusted you.. so much" she shook her head sadly, "but you *betrayed* me in the *worst* way possible and now- I honestly don't know what to believe" she laughed coldly, "you screwed up.. everything in my life because you *were* my *life*" her expression hardened, "not anymore though.. one thing that I did learn from all this" she waved her hand about in the air, "is that there's no point to love. It's all bound to end anyway- so what's the point?" again she shook her head sadly, "what's the point to getting hurt over and over again by the ones you trust the most.. the ones you love the most" her voice grew to a whisper as she finished. Before he could reply, Willow put her resolve face forward and said, "Goodbye Spike"
With those words, she began her steps again.. leaving him behind. He didn't follow her this time.