Author’s email: shopaholicgurl45@yahoo.com
Rating: NC17
Pairing: W/S & B/A *B/A is friendship only*
Spoilers: none really
Disclaimer: I own nothing.. Joss & Company own all
Summary: Spike leaves Sunnydale, convinced Willow deserves better- well.. Willow is a stubborn one and so she goes after him.
Notes: This is probably set around the 4th season and Angelus sired Spike, not Dru! Lover’s Walk NEVER happened!
Notes 2: kinda angsty at first but it does get happier :-)
<> indicates thoughts
** indicates emphasis
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Spike took a long drag out of his cigarette. He looked up at the sky. It was splattered with stars, glistening down on him as if mocking him. Telling him that he had to leave. Bloody hell, he thought- I’m starting to talk to the stars like Dru did. He sighed and reverted his thoughts back to the situation at hand. He knew he had to leave- she deserved so much better and what was he? A monster. Simple as that. He knew this from the beginning but when it started it was just supposed to be fun- just sex. But as time progressed he knew differently, it wasn’t just sex anymore, it was something more- something so much more. He had already dragged this on for weeks, he had to do this, and he had to do it tonight.
He stubbed out his cigarette and walked back into the warmth of the room. It smelled like vanilla, it always did, *she* always did. It was part of the reason why he was always so drawn to her, her smell, her intelligence, her innocence, and her beauty. She always had this radiance about her that made up who she was, *his* Willow. He slowly got into the bed and drew her warm body to his, trying to stall what was to come.
"Hmm… Spike?" Willow turned slightly trying to get closer to his body and then yawned before saying, "You ok?"
"Yeah luv, just thinking"
"bout what?"
"You" Spike slowly turned her to face him and looked intensely into her eyes, "I love you Willow, I always will, don’t ever doubt that" Her face showed confusion and happiness but before she could reply he took her lips with his own in a desperate yet passionate kiss. Spike moved until he was hovering above her, never breaking the kiss. With one hand he spread her legs and brought it down to her sex, checking to see if she was ready for him, while his other hand was busy kneading her breast.
"Spike… I need you" Willow mewled. She thrust upwards, trying to get him to enter.
"Tell me baby, please tell me." Spike pleaded.
Willow cocked her head to the side and after a moment’s thought she realized what he was speaking of, "I love you Spike"
With those words Spike plunged in and began a slow and passionate rhythm. He wanted to make this last, his last time with his true love. He loved the way she felt around him, so hot, so tight. If this wasn’t heaven, then what was? Gods, how he loved her. He tried to push his depressing thoughts out of the way and for the moment he did but they were still there, at the back of his mind, tugging at him. He buried his face in her neck and bit his lip, trying to hold back the tears. Slowly but surely their bodies moved together, driving each other to the edge. He felt Willow tighten around him and knew she was close, he reached down and pinched her clit and with a scream she came. One, two, three final thrusts later he followed her with an orgasm just as intense. He pulled out of her and kissed her forehead and she began to drift to sleep. When he was sure that she was already in a deep sleep he got up, gathered his belongings, and left a note along with a single long stemmed red rose on her table. He stood at the door and decided to give into temptation and looked back at her sleeping figure. He knew this was what he had to do, for once he was going to do what was right. He could never give her all that she deserved and he was even more sure of that, now that he was looking at her. She looked like an angel, even as she slept she had a soft glow about her. "I love you Willow" and with those final words he left and walked into the cold night with a blood red tear sliding down his cheek.
~^~**~^~
Willow awoke to the feeling of warmth surrounding her. She slowly opened one eye and saw that her curtains were open and the warmth was actually the sun beating it’s rays down on her. <Wait.. sun? SHIT- SPIKE!> she hurriedly untangled herself from the covers and looked around for ash and after double checking there was no ash on her bed or floor she comforted herself into believing he probably just left because he had some other plans. Willow walked to her French doors and peered out the window looking at the sky above. She lost herself in the whites swirled in with the light blue that seemed to fade into a darker blue altogether. She snapped herself back to reality and her eyes did a quick scan of the room. Her green orbs landed on a single red rose that seemed to be holding down a piece of paper. She made her way across the room, pulled out her chair, and took the paper into her hands. She opened the note and began to read.
My Dearest Willow:
By the time you are reading these words that are causing me so much pain to write I will already be miles away. I am sorry love, sorry that I cannot stay with you but I cannot see you waste your life away by loving a monster like me. I am sorry that I cannot rejoice with you in the sunlight and that I will never be the father of your children. It is breaking my undead heart to do this very deed but through all my selfishness I still know that this is something that I must do. Do not question my love for you. We both know that it will be eternal. I hope that you will move on with your life soon and that I have not caused too much pain. I wish I could be there right now by your side, showering you with kisses, forget me not my sweet Willow.
All my Love~
William
Willow read and re-read the letter 3 times over before convincing herself that she was not fooling herself. She sat back in a defeated manner and closed her eyes, letting the tears slide and drowning herself in memories.
~^~**~^~
Spike raised his palm up to his eyes to brush away his tears. It never hurt this bad, not when Angelus left, not even when Dru left. It might’ve been that this time he was doing the leaving but wasn’t that supposed to make the pain less? He kept questioning himself over and over again about *WHY* he was doing this and each time he got the same answer, she deserves so much more. <Stop it! NOW!> he mentally scolded himself. Trying to push back the memories and thoughts that were plaguing his mind he turned on the radio.
There's another world inside of me
That you may never see
There's secrets in this life
That I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away
Or maybe I'm just blind
Or maybe I'm just blind
Spike slowly started to nod his head to the beat and for the first time he truly listened to the lyrics, finally understanding them, to the full extent.
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
"Remember me, Willow, remember me" Spike said softly. He closed his eyes for a second and tightened his grip on the steering wheel trying to rid himself of the memories that were threatening to wash over him.
Everything I am
And everything you need
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be
And give up everything
If only for your good
He had to do this, he had to. He kept repeating the mantra over and over again in his mind, never fully convincing himself.
Though roaming through this darkness
I'm alive but I'm alone
And part of me is fighting this
But part of me is gone
He could get through this, couldn’t he? I’ve dealt with pain before, he thought to himself. So why was it so bloody *hard* to forget then? In the back of his mind he knew the answer, when he left Sunnydale, he left a part of himself there, a part of his heart.
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
"I love you Willow, so bloody much" he said to the air. The car came to a quick halt as he finally switched the gears and sat back in the driver’s seat. He closed his eyes and let everything out <better to open myself up before going in> He replayed the scenes in his mind and let all the tears fall, red staining his pale skin.
~^~**~^~
"Spike?" asked the shocked voice. Well, this was the last person… err.. vamp that he expected to be at his door step.
"ello poof, your baby boy has come back"
"Spike, what are you doing here?" Angel was getting a little worried, Spike would never come to him unless he was desperate or in serious need of help, in other words, whatever it was, it wasn’t good. True the fact that his childe and he were not on good terms as of late, but he still loved him, after all, he was his favorite. Sometimes he wondered why they never got along all that well- after all they were alike in many ways.
"Is that any way to welcome home your favorite childe, *daddy*?" oh yeah.. that was why. Spike always being the annoying and aggravating one.
Angel rolled his eyes and opened his door a little wider to welcome his seemingly lost childe in.
"Come in, Spike" He looked him over <*wow* did he look like shit! What the hell is going on?> Spike walked in with the air as if he owned the place but Angel knew his childe all too well.. he was hiding something. Angel waved his hand in the direction of the couch and they both sat down.
"Spike, what’s going on?"
"Will you wait just a bleedin’ second?" *bloody ponce* he added underneath his breath. But Angel with his vampiric hearing heard it all and was beginning to get a *bit* irritated.
"Look, are you going to explain or are you going to sit there and insult me?"
Spike took an unneeded breath in and sighed, "Sit back and relax, dear ol’ dad, cuz this is going to be a long story" Angel did as Spike said and started to listen as Spike explained it all.. from the beginning.
~^~**~^~
"You already know about the relationship with Willow, well for once I actually wanted to be noble and so I left her, because she deserves better, you and I both know this" Spike gripped the arms of the couch a little harder hoping to hold back the tears <bloody hell, you will NOT, I REPEAT, NOT cry in front of the damn wanker. If you do he’ll NEVER let you forget it, an eternity- DO YOU WANT THAT? Didn’t think so! So compose yourself and get through the damn story!!!>
"Yeah…?" Angel looked at his childe, it looked like there was a turmoil building inside him.
"Like I was saying, this whole thing started about 6 months ago when we fought that group of Kyranis demons. She was already getting pretty good with her magic so she was fending for herself pretty well, me on the other hand, well let’s just say I was not in tip top shape afterwards." Spike scowled remembering how he couldn’t fight off those bloody demons. "So Red, being the great Samaritan that she is, brought me back to her place to clean me up."
"Wait, Buffy actually let her do that?"
"Slayer had her hands full, think about it- you damn poof- If *I* was in bad shape, what state do you think her and the rest of the bleedin’ Scoobies were in? Like I said, Red was the only one that got away unharmed. Anyway, when we got back to her place she cleaned me up but I needed blood to heal, I was on the edge of just dissipating into dust but she didn’t have any at her place so instead she offered me hers."
"YOU TOOK HER BLOOD? What were you thinking? Spike, how could you do something like th-"
"Bloody hell, will you shut the fuck up? Do you want to hear the rest of the story or no? It’s pretty obvious that I didn’t kill her and honestly in the state I was, I *wasn’t* thinking. I tried to push her away but she had that damn resolve face on and wouldn’t have any of it. I didn’t take a lot, mind you, but I took enough so that I wasn’t on the edge of turning into dust. Before all this I was already attracted to her and after she gave me her blood the attraction grew. I began to as you can say, stalk her and one night she caught me. She demanded an explanation, cor, she was gorgeous- in the moonlight all angry. I had a hard time actually paying attention to what she was saying cuz I was so damn mesmerized by her beauty." Spike’s face showed a wistful look but the expression was gone within seconds as he continued on with his story, "I interrupted her in mid-ramble and just kissed her. I couldn’t help it- I was already too drawn in and she was just calling to me that night. After that we began to secretly see each other but it didn’t stay a secret for long, 2 weeks later we were both tired of running around behind their backs so one night we just flat out told them. Surprisingly enough they all took it pretty damn well. The Watcher and Demongirl already figured it out and the Slayer had her suspicions. It was Chubs that gave us the most trouble, bloody blind fool. It took some convincing but finally we had his damn blessing. I could’ve cared less but it mattered to her. About 3 weeks ago we were walking through the park and she was talking about her childhood and memories of it. How when she was little she always kept all her toys in perfect shape knowing that maybe one day she might be able to give it to her kids as some sort of tradition thing, she always was one who loved to start new trends. She let it all slip out by accident and tried to cover it all up but I knew better. I always knew it wouldn’t last but I just never wanted to face it but I finally came back to reality." Spike forced out a sigh from his lungs, "So I finally left, it took me 2 weeks to finally do it but I did and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but it gets better doesn’t it?" Spike finally looked up and met Angel’s eyes. Angel was taken aback by the amount of emotion, mostly pain, that shone through his childe’s ice blue eyes.
"Yeah, it does." Angel whispered softly.
"Don’t lie to me Angelus, not now"
"You want the truth Spike? The pain will subside after a while, a long while at that, but it will. But everytime someone brings up something that reminds you of them the pain comes rushing back." Angel spoke in an even and calm voice that was contradicting what he was feeling at the moment, it still hurt to think of Buffy but not in the way he expected. He still loved her but just didn’t *love* her, at least not like that. The pain he was feeling was for a loss of a friend.
"Sounds wonderful" Spike said dryly. Angel walked over to Spike and patted him on the back and nudged him, signaling him to follow. Angel showed Spike to the guest room and leaned against the door frame, watching as Spike plopped himself onto the bed.
"Welcome home" Spike gave Angel a small smile, his first one after leaving Sunnydale.
~^~**~^~
Spike leaned back against the headboard. He couldn’t sleep, it hurt too much. He began to hum the tune of a song he’d heard recently and began to sing the lyrics softly to himself,
"And I'd give up forever to touch you, cuz I know that you’ll feel me somehow. You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be and I don’t want to go home right now." He closed his eyes trying to chase away the picture of his red haired goddess that haunted his thoughts.
"And all I can taste is this moment, and all I can breathe is your life, cuz sooner or later it's over, I just don’t want to miss you tonight." The image was still there, his fire angel, lying on her bed, her hair all strewn about, her soft glow. He felt the tears begin to form again. <Stop it!> he mentally scolded himself for the millionth time that day.
"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming, or the moment of truth in your lies, when everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive." Finally he couldn’t hold it all in anymore, he let the red tears slide and cried himself to sleep.
Angel stood outside Spike’s doors, listening to him sing and then to him crying. He couldn’t believe how vulnerable Spike was at that moment or actually this whole night. The guilt was tearing him apart inside, the fact that he could do nothing about it. He had to sit back and watch Spike drown himself in sorrow knowing that it was something that he had to let play out. Angel leaned against Spike’s doors, an idea coming to mind, maybe there *WAS* something he could do.
~^~**~^~
Willow sat on her bed, leaning against the pillows, watching the sun set. 2 days- it had only been 2 days but it felt like it had been a whole lifetime. She had been in a daze, going through the motions but not actually caring what she did. Ever since Spike left her she was a shell of what she was before. Everything hurt, physically, mentally, and especially emotionally- hell, it even hurt to cry. Buffy had been nothing if not supportive. It hurt the Slayer to see her best friend like that, her spirit in tatters. At first she wanted nothing more except to stake the undead bastard but after she thought about it she realized that he had good reason that justified his actions. He only wanted the best for her, and he thought that the best was not him. Buffy stood by Willow’s door, resting her head on the doorframe, watching Willow watch the sunset.
"Willow? You ok?" Buffy mentally slapped herself <of course she’s not ok you dumbass!! The love of her life just left her!!!!>
Willow looked up, her face blank, "Why?"
Buffy didn’t pretend that she didn’t know what Willow was talking about, "It was for the best hun, he wanted you to have better, you deserve so much more." Even as the words came out of her mouth, she didn’t know who she was trying to convince more- herself or Willow. If she was completely honest with herself, Spike had really become a friend over the past months. The affection and care he showed Willow only added to her like for him.
"It hurts Buff, it hurts- everywhere… make it stop- please?" Willow’s voice carried a desolate tone. She looked up at Buffy who now had her arms cradled around her. Willow’s eyes were glistening with unshed tears <my god, I still have tears to shed? I thought I was all cried out>
Buffy didn’t reply. There was nothing she could do now but console her best friend. She silently cursed the powers above for making Willow suffer through all this. True that she herself had suffered through an emotional trauma but Willow had already been through one of these, and that one was enough to last a lifetime, she didn’t need another one- it was completely unfair for someone so young to go through so much pain. She continued to rock the fragile woman in her arms and rubbed small circles in her back, hoping to temporarily relieve the pain but knowing better. <You have to get through this Will, you have to> she thought to herself. <I won’t let this destroy you, not you, you’re too strong to be destroyed by this Will, too strong.> At that moment Buffy made a promise to herself, she would do anything to fix this problem, anything.
~^~**~^~
Willow got up to go to her CD player. After a half hour of convincing, Buffy finally returned home and Willow was left in her room, alone. She hated the silence, whenever there was silence the thoughts in her head would come out, louder then before, dominating her mind. She quickly chose a CD, not paying attention to what she was putting in, and pressed a few buttons on the player before slinking down to the floor and resting her head against the foot of the bed, listening to the music that was flowing out of the electronic device.
This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone
*sighs* <gods I miss him.. I love you so much Spike, so much.. don’t leave me alone.. come back to me>
And I just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed
And I take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that
<see Rosenberg.. this is what you get for not THINKING before SPEAKING.. I wish I could take it all back- just turn back the hands of time>
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
<I’m tired of moping, I’m going to do something about this dammit! Now the only question is- where would he have gone?> Willow looked around the room, her green orbs scanning it, looking for nothing in particular. <I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone- NO! bad thoughts- nothing sad or mopey- focus Rosenberg, focus- where would he go?> She rubbed her arms, hoping to gain some sort of comfort. <I have to get him back, I don’t know HOW yet- but I will- I just need to know where he is though> As the song ended the wheels in her mind started to turn as she came up with the answer to the question that was bothering her, "Angel" she whispered. "Ahh! That’s where he is- he’s in LA!" she yelled to the empty room, unfortunately she was so excited that she wasn’t paying attention to what she was doing. Her feet, still entangled in the blanket that was wrapped around her, made her lose balance and as soon as she was up she fell down again, against the coarse carpet <nice Rosenberg, real nice, you know it might help if you actually made it to the phone- IN ONE PIECE!> She pushed herself up against her forearms, kicked the blanket away and stumbled for the phone.
"Buffy? I need you to do me a favor. Can you be at my house in like 5 minutes? No, nothing bad has happened. Buff- Buff- BUFFY! Chill ok- I just need your help- ughh..! I’ll explain when you get here- alright- luv ya- bye" She gently put the phone back in it’s original place and fell back into her bed, a big smile gracing her face.
~^~**~^~
Angel awoke to the sound of clattering in the lobby. He rushed down the stairs in time to see Spike stumble in, an almost empty bottle of Tequila in his hands. He forced out a sigh and walked towards his drunken childe. <you knew it- you *KNEW* he was going to go out and get himself hammered- were you smart enough to prevent it? NO!>
"I love her Angelus, I do. She’s my everything- she’s my sunlight- I’d give up my unlife for her. Why’d I leave her? Do you think she would take me back?" Angel listened patiently to Spike’s slightly slurred ramblings. "Help me get her back Angelus, please" Spike looked pleadingly into Angel’s chocolate eyes. Angel sighed again, he could never deny Spike when he was this vulnerable, especially if he asked nicely too.
"Ok, Spike, I’ll help you get her back. Now, why don’t you sit down or somet-" Angel’s response was cut short by an unexpected hug from Spike, "Thanks daddy" was the last thing out of his mouth before he passed out. <well.. that was.. umm.. unexpected> Angel dragged Spike’s unconscious body over to the couch and after he was satisfied that his childe was in a semi-comfortable position, he rushed up to his room to place a very important phone call; A phone call to Sunnydale, California.
~^~**~^~
"You’re sure he’s at Angels’?" Buffy’s voice had a hint of uncertainty.
"Of course he’s at Angels’, I mean- where else would he go?"
"How bout anywhere but? I mean think bout it Will- He HATES Angel. Do you not remember the whole helping the slayer send his sire to hell situation?"
"Look, that’s in the past. Whenever we used to talk about Angel, Spike would always get this wistful look on his face. It’s pretty obvious that he might’ve been mad at one time but now it’s different. I think Spike might actually want to reconcile with Angel which brings me to my conclusion that Spike is at Angels’."
"I don’t know I mea-" Buffy’s reply was cut short by the ringing of the phone. "I’ll get it" Buffy picked up the receiver. The voice coming out from the other end was the last one she expected to hear. "Angel?"
"Buffy?" <I was almost positive I dialed the right number- maybe I am going senile..>
"Yeah- umm.. what’s up?"
"Uhh.. I’m looking for Willow- this *IS* her number right?"
"Yeah- she’s right here- hold on" <well.. that was awkward> She handed the phone to Willow, "Angel"
"Angel?" <perfect timing>
"Hey Willow- how are you?" <now how exactly do I go about bringing this subject up- should I be subtle or forward? dammit- why didn’t I think of this beforehand?>
"I’m good. Look Angel, I don’t mean to be forward but umm.. Is Spike in LA? Particularily, with you as of now?" <see.. now that wasn’t *THAT* hard>
<Guess she kinda took care of that for me> "Yeah he is- in fact that was why I was calling you."
"How is he?"
"Honestly or do you want me to lie to you?"
"Honestly"
"He’s not doing good" <that’s a bit of an understatement>
"Oh." Willow sat back on the bed thinking over the news that she just received. <Is he feeling as bad as I am? Maybe even worse?>
"Willow, do you have some vacation time on your hands?"
"Umm.. yeah- classes don’t start until next month- why?"
"I think it’s time you paid a little visit to LA"
<this is PERFECT! And I didn’t even have to ask!> "Sure- I’ll leave tonight"
"Ok, that’s great so we’ll be expecting you"
"Alright, bye Angel"
"Bye- and Willow?"
"Yeah?"
"Hurry, he needs you"
Willow paused in her response. <he needs me? and this is coming for Angel too- Mr. Cryptic. He needs me!!!> "I will"
As soon as Willow set the receiver down, Buffy was on her. "So- what happened? Is Spike really in LA? Are you going to LA? Can I come with?"
"Buff- chill- Yes Spike is in LA and Yes I am going- and Angel’s only expecting me but I don’t think he’d mind if you came with."
"Alright- this is good, this *IS* good right?" Buffy paused her pacing and looked over at Willow for an answer.
"Yeah, it is. Now get packing cuz we’re leaving tonight"
~^~**~^~
"I didn’t know you had a car!" Buffy stood by Willow’s Volkswagen Beetle, in shock.
"And you’ve been my best friend for how long?" Willow teased. "Just kidding- parents were feeling guilty about "not being there for me" during my whole transitioning to college thing so in turn- they bought me a car. Don’t worry Buff- I just got it like 2 weeks ago so it’s not like it’s old news or anything."
Buffy pouted, she hated not knowing all that went on in her best friends’ life <maybe I am a bit on the nosy side>
They two loaded up their stuff and 15 minutes later they were already on the freeway, on their way to the City of Angels. Buffy tapped her fingers incessantly on the window out of boredom. The repeating gesture was starting to get Willow just a *tad* bit annoyed.
"You do realize that I have a stereo in this car, with a kick ass sound system not to mention."
"Oh right, I’ll put something on then." Buffy reached into her backpack and took out her CD case, "So what are you in the mood for?" she asked while rifling through her CDs.
"Surprise me"
"Ooohh.. you’ll like this" After inserting the CD and pressing a few buttons the song came on and as soon as Willow heard the first notes, immediately recognizing the song, her mouth turned up, into a huge grin.
"AHH!! I haven’t heard this in FOREVER."
"Shut up and sing along then!"
The two girls’ voices harmonized as they sang out the lyrics, "You and me, we have an opportunity. And we could make it something really cool. But you, you think I'm not that kind of girl, I'm here to tell you baby, I know how to rock your world."
Their bodies began to move to the beat and soon they were belting out the notes, oblivious to the looks they were receiving from nearby cars.
"Don't think that I'm not strong, I'm the one to take you on. Don't underestimate me boy, I'll make you sorry you were born. You don't know me the way you really should you sure misunderstood."
"ooohh.. this is my favorite part!!!" Willow nearly screamed, caught up in the music.
"Then sing it gurl!!" Buffy said before bursting into laughter.
"Behind my smile is my IQ, I must admit, this does not sit, with the likes of you. You're really sweet *mmm* you're really nice, But didn't mama ever tell you not to play with fire?" Willow sang the verse out at the top of her lungs, complete with hand movements.
"I think we got a lil’ closet diva on our hands" Buffy mused with a grin on her face.
"You know you want these skills!"
Buffy gave Willow a playful smack on the arm and then continued with the singing, both oblivious to what lied ahead.
~^~**~^~
"Buff? Wake up hon, we’re here." Willow’s soft voice and gentle but insistent shaking brought Buffy back into reality. She moaned softly, a bit regretful from leaving her dreamworld. She was having a *really* nice dream about Brad Pitt. She shook her head <I swear it should be illegal for someone to look *that* good.> They got all their belongings together and headed for the doors, both feeling as if they were facing Judgement Day.
"Is it just me or do you feel kinda ooky bout this?" Willow asked turning her face towards Buffy.
"Yeah, I’m definitely feeling the ookiness." They arrived at the doors and yet again Willow turned to Buffy,
"Ready?" At Buffy’s nod she pushed against the door and let herself and her best friend inside.
~^~**~^~
"Angel?" Willow called into the dim light. <What is it with vampires and the dark anyhow?>
Both the girls jumped at the sudden brightness of the room and the voice that penetrated the quiet, "Willow! You’re here!" Angel said with a smile on his face, one of the few true smiles that graced his face. "Buffy?" <Am I seeing things? Oh gods, I seriously AM going senile. Tha->
"Angel?" Willow asked again waving her hand in front of the vampire’s face. He seemed to be lost in thought, a confused look plastered on his face.
"Buffy?" he repeated again.
"Yeah, I’m really here. You’re not seeing things," she said with a smile.
"I hope you don’t mind me bringing Buffy along. It’s just I really wanted a companion on my road trip."
"Yeah.. umm.. sure whatever- it’s ok" Angel ran his hand through his hair, still trying to get over the shock of seeing his ex-love. Ex being the operative word here, he was truly over her, no regrets over leaving Sunnydale. <well, one regret if you’re honest with yourself, you regret losing her friendship> "You guys can follow me. I already set up a guestroom for you Willow but umm.. Buffy would you mind sharing with Willow for tonight?"
"No prob"
30 minutes later the girls were settled and each sitting on opposite sides of the room, lost in thought. Willow sat in her cow PJs with her legs crossed, leaning against the headboard. <I wonder where he is… I mean- *IS* he even in the hotel right now? Should I go ask Angel about him? What will he say? Will Spike even *WANT* to see me?> Willow groaned and shoved her face into a pillow trying to rid herself of the questioning thoughts. While across the room, Buffy sat in her satin PJs, thinking about a guy also.. well.. vamp <Wow.. that was kinda weird.. why does I still feel so uncomfortable around him? I don’t get it- I thought we were both over this. Maybe we are but we just don’t know how to act around each other. I have to talk to him soon, make it clear that there was a *reason* why it didn’t work out between us.. I do miss him though- as a friend though. I miss talking to him, surprisingly enough. Whoever thought I’d miss talking to Mr. Cryptic of all people.. err.. vamps> Both girls were brought of their thoughts with a knock on the door. Both just ended up staring at the door, Willow was the first to snap out of it.
"You plan to get that anytime soon?" At getting no response she shrugged and went to the door herself, not expecting the visitor that was on the other side of the door.
"Spike"
~^~**~^~
"You’re really here" Spike reached out and poked Willow in the shoulder, trying to convince himself that he wasn’t seeing things.
"Yeah, I’m really here" Willow said softly, willing herself not to cry, all the past memories were rushing forward to the surface. She was feeling too many emotions but the primary was the sense of lost. <my gods, he looks like hell. This whole thing really did take it’s toll on him>
Spike stood on the other side of the doorway, in shock. He thought his sire was yanking his chain when he told him that Willow was right upstairs. Being the curious sod that he was, he had to see for himself. He was fully ready to go downstairs and smack some sense into his sire for even *thinking* of getting his hopes up when low and behold, his red haired goddess opened the door, looking as gorgeous as ever.
"Umm.. I really hate to interrupt this reunion so I’m just gonna get out the way." Buffy stood in the corner, shifting her weight from one foot to the other and playing with her fingers. <can we say TENSION??> She rushed her way past Willow and then Spike and bounded down the stairs.
"We need to talk" Spike said as soon as he regained his voice.
"Yeah, umm.. we do" Willow moved out of the way to let Spike in. She shut the door and leaned her forehead against the door, trying to calm herself and ready herself for what was to come.
~^~**~^~
"So.. umm" Willow began.
"I’m sorry I left"
Willow glanced up at the ceiling silently thanking the gods above. For once she was grateful for Spike’s forwardness.
"Why did you leave?" Willow walked over to the recliner in the corner of the room and plopped herself down, finally gaining the courage to look Spike in the eye. He sat on her bed, leaning forward slightly with his elbows on his thighs, a distraught look on his face. He seemed to be focusing an awful lot on the carpet.
Finally, he looked up and replied in a calm voice, "You deserve so much more. You belong with someone who can give you the world, I’m not that someone. It took me awhile to finally accept it and I did. I wanted a clean break and so I came here to LA to try to forget about you." <It didn’t work> he mentally added.
"Did you?" Willow asked as if reading his mind.
"No" he replied.
"Do you still love me?"
Spike looked up again, meeting the intense stare of the eyes that had haunted him ever since he had left. "Do you even have to ask that? My love for you is eternal, nothing could change that, ever. I love you now, and I’ll love you always." His voice quivered a little towards the end of his proclamation.
Willow slowly walked over to the oblivious vampire who seemed to be lost in his thoughts once again. At the first touch he tensed up but as she joined him on the bed and wrapped her arms around him, he relaxed. "As is my love for you. Do you know how much it hurt me? I was a shell of what I was before when you left. If Buffy didn’t force me to hold on I would’ve just wasted away." Her voice was soothing to him as was the small circles she was making on his back.
"What did you have to hold on to?" he asked in a small voice.
"The thought that I might be able to get you back" At these words Spike looked up into Willow’s unwavering gaze. "So did I?" <please say yes, I don’t think I could handle it if he said no>
Instead of answering, he gave into temptation. He met her lips in a slow and passionate kiss. The emotions of love and lust finally let out, after being pent up for too long. Willow finally pulled away, gasping for air. "I’ll take that as a yes" she said with a smile.
Spike smiled back before reverting back to a serious look, "Are you sure this can work, luv?"
"We’ll make it work Spike, somehow- we will. If we tried hard enough, we could. You’re the only thing I want in my life. Your love is all that matters to me. Now more then ever I know the truth in that."
"What did I do to deserve you?" Before she could reply, he met her lips again in a more insistent kiss. He pulled away and looked into her eyes, asking permission. She nodded, "make love to me Spike."
Their lips met in a gentle kiss that soon became more frenzied as Spike’s hands traveled over her body. Willow’s hands weren’t idle either; she began to unbutton his shirt. She paused at the third button and ran her hands over the silk, loving the feel of it, then resumed the unbuttoning. Spike was doing some unbuttoning himself as well, though he didn’t have the patience that Willow did. He got as far as the first button before he ripped the shirt off of her small frame. His actions caused Willow to let out a small yelp. Her eyes met his teasing ones, <two can play at this game> she thought before she rolled him over on his back and straddling him. She quickly divested him of his shirt and threw her own tattered shirt onto the floor before pressing her lips to his in a bruising kiss. She raked her nails over his pale and smooth chest. She broke the kiss and brought both his hands up over his head and leaned them against the headboard. "Keep ‘em there" she ordered, her voice husky from lust. Spike nodded silently and grabbed the headboard, somehow knowing he was in for a ride, literally. Her hands traveled down to his jeans. She quickly stripped them off as well as her pajama bottoms and panties, pushing them off the bed. Spike followed her gaze down to his now painfully erect cock. She had a playful grin on her face. Her small hands reached for his cock and soon began a rhythm. Spike gritted his teeth. Willow looked up innocently, "Something wrong baby?"
"Wanna.. cum.. in.. you"
Willow smiled a truly evil grin and straddled him again, her hands never leaving his cock. She hovered above him ignoring his hips that were thrusting up, trying to get his cock inside her. With her other hand she playfully smacked him on the thigh. With this action, Spike lost control of his lust and quickly flipped them over and embedded himself inside her. Willow let out a surprised gasp. Spike regained control and forced himself to remain still, letting her adjust to his size. When he felt Willow begin to thrust her hips up, he began to thrust himself into her grasping channel. Willow returned the thrusts in equal fervor. Spike brought one of her legs up to his shoulder; the new position allowed him to penetrate even further as well as satisfying the clit stimulation that Willow so desperately needed. "Come on baby, come for me" Spike whispered into her ear.
At those words, Willow let go and came screaming out his name, her orgasm wracked through her body. Spike felt her body shuddering with release below him and he let himself go, roaring her name. Her walls clenched around him, milking his release. Spike collapsed onto his forearms, still inside her. He looked down at her, she was shaking, still recovering from her powerful orgasm. Their eyes met as well as their lips for a slow kiss. Spike felt himself harden again inside her and began to move once more, slowly this time, wanting to make it last. They moved together slowly but passionately until both came, Willow with a silent scream and Spike yelling out "MINE." He pulled out of her and rolled to the other side of the bed, pulling the covers over their naked bodies. He turned Willow to face him and his arm found it’s place around her waist. "Mine?" he asked.
"Yours" she replied in a small voice, "Now and forever" she added tiredly, finally giving into sleep. Spike pulled her against him even more and rested his head against the plushy pillow. He fell asleep with a contented look on his face. For the first time that week no nightmares haunted his sleeping mind.
~^~**~^~
Buffy looked up from her magazine that she was "reading" and cursed her slayer hearing. "dear god, I *CANNOT* listen to this!" she declared to the empty room and promptly got up, grabbing her purse, mentally deciding to take a walk. Through her speedy movements she never noticed the dark figure emerging from the shadows before bumping right into it. She looked up into chocolate eyes, "Angel?"
At getting no reply she asked him, "What are you doing?"
Angel found himself at a lost for words. He glanced at Buffy who was standing there with her arms crossed and tapping her right foot, she looked absolutely adorable and he began to see her in a new light, the one that made her a great friend.
"Well?"
"I was lurking" It was the first thing that came to his mind, he couldn’t exactly come out and tell her <I was in the shadows brooding over our lost friendship> "Were you going somewhere?"
"Yeah"
"Where?"
"Out- anywhere but here. Spike and Willow umm.. reconciled. I swear there are just some things that you *don’t* need to hear."
Angel’s face lit up at that comment and couldn’t help but grin when an idea hit him. "You wanna go out for a late night snack?"
Buffy’s raised her eyebrow and looked at Angel skeptically, "What *kind* of snack?"
"Yes Buffy, I plan to take *you* the slayer out with me to suck on some unknowing teenagers." Angel said in a dry tone.
"Geez, just teasing. A snack sounds good, as long as it’s not of the human variety."
"Are you *ever* gonna let that go?" Angel asked as Buffy grabbed her coat.
"Nope" She answered before heading out the door. Angel followed shaking his head <I really did miss her>
~^~**~^~
Two cups of coffee and three and a half scones later, Buffy and Angel sat at the 24 hour diner that was around the corner from the hotel, laughing and talking up a storm. As their laughter died down, Buffy looked into Angel’s eyes and asked the question she’d been dreading to voice out. <You have to Summers! You *have* to or else it’ll always be weird between us> "Are we cool Angel?"
Angel sat back against the vinyl seating, surprised that Buffy would be so forward about it. He recovered quickly and answered with a grin, "Yeah, we’re cool"
"So friends?"
"Friends" Angel said with a nod.
"So what’s it like working with Cordy?" At those words Angel’s head fell back and groan escaped his lips, "Sometimes I think hell was a better place to be then around her, and I would know too"
"That bad ehh?"
"Like you would not believe, this one time-" Their conversation continued on until they were forced to retreat back to the safety of the hotel.
~^~**~^~
Willow bounced down the stairs at noon, she was beaming.
"hey- look who came down to join the living!" Buffy quipped. She was curled up in a velvety chair. She closed her book and got up to ask Willow for some details, considering how she had little love life as of now, she had to get her ya-yas somewhere.
"hey Buff! And how are you this fine morning?"
"First off it’s afternoon and why are practically giddy?" Buffy teased, she *knew* why, hell she heard, loud and clear, she mentally added why. But she wanted to hear Willow say it.
"Spike and I made up"
"I heard" Buffy smiled at the blush that was beginning to form on Willow’s cheeks and rescued her from her embarrassment by pushing her into the kitchen.
"So details girl"
Willow raised her eyebrow, "A world of no"
"Oh come on, it’s not like I haven’t asked before" Buffy leaned her elbows against the counter with a pout, "Besides considering my love life as of now, or lack of, I think I deserve to live vicariously"
"Only if you beg"
"What do you think I’m doing right now?"
Willow took out a pint of frozen yogurt and 2 spoons and settled onto a stool. She finally gave in and gave her the whole story, complete with details. When she was done the girls had finished the pint of frozen yogurt. Buffy tried to conceal a yawn, but Willow still noticed it.
"Tired?"
"Yeah, I spent the whole night talking with Angel"
"Really now? Why?"
"Well, I couldn’t exactly stay in the hotel because I really didn’t need surround sound of your little umm.. escapades. So I was heading out when I bumped into him and after that we went to the corner diner to talk."
"So no awkward feelings then?" Willow chose to ignore Buffy’s teasing comment.
"Nope, no awkward feelings and I gained back a friend that I really missed."
"Well, we still got a few more hours till sunset so why don’t you get some sleep?"
"Yeah, sleep sounds good."
~^~**~^~
"Angel, where exactly are the rest of the gang? I mean, I haven’t seen Cordy or any of the rest of them through this whole trip." Buffy had gotten in 5 hours of sleep and felt rejuvenated enough to start up another long talk, or at least she hoped to be, with Angel.
"When Spike got here I sent them all off on a 2 week mini-vacation, full expenses paid"
"Oh-" Buffy’s response was cut short by Spike coming down the stairs.
"Spike!" Willow squealed and rushed over to hug him, among other things.
"I think I’m gonna be sick" Buffy said to Angel, the two secretly sharing a smile.
Buffy looked up in time to see Willow flick her off, never breaking the kiss.
"Ok ok! Break it up you two. No need to rub in your happiness to the single ones. We need to start packing Will- you too Spike. We gotta head back soon"
"Are you sure we can’t stay for another week or so? I mean- I didn’t even get to visit any of the sites yet." Willow gave Buffy her best puppy eyes.
Buffy held up her hands, "hey! now that’s low! You know I can’t resist the puppy eyes!"
"Please?" Willow asked in a sweet voice.
"Yeah, come on Slayer, if you already here on vacation, why not actually enjoy it?" Spike added before going back to nuzzling Willow’s neck.
"We got to get back to the hellmouth to help out Giles though" Buffy tried weakly. If she was honest with herself, she didn’t want to leave either but she couldn’t leave all the responsibilities to Giles.
"Look, it’s slow as it is and we all deserve a little vaca." Willow reasoned.
"Well, you kinda just jinxed us right there cuz whenever it’s "slow"" Buffy used her fingers to do little air quotes, "the next thing that happens is never of the good."
"Stop being so pessimistic! We’ll inform Giles of our situation and if he really needs us we’ll get our asses back to Sunnydale, I mean it’s not like we’re *that* far away!" Willow added with in a teasing tone, "You know I’m gonna keep on bothering you until you say yes!"
Buffy threw her hands up in the air, "Alright, alright! You wore me down!" The smile on her face betraying the front she was putting up. "Is it ok if we stay a little longer Angel?"
"I was actually just going to suggest the idea but Willow beat me to it"
Willow smiled back and pulled out of Spike’s embrace to hook arms with her best bud. "Come on, let’s get changed and go out. I am taking full advantage of this little vaca before we settle back into our dull lives."
"You think fighting vamps and the forces of evil is boring?" Buffy asked in a skeptical tone.
"Compared to LA? hell ya!"
Buffy shook her head and let out a small chuckle before yelling out, "Look out LA cuz we are here to PARTAY!"
"Damn skippy!" Willow yelled out and then breaking down in a fit of giggles.
~^~**~^~
Willow lost herself in the feel of Spike’s arms wrapped around her and the music and beat that she seemed to be drowning in. She opened her eyes to see Buffy dancing with Angel, to anybody else they looked like a couple but the four knew that now, they were just friends and it was obvious that they intended to keep it that way. She turned her attentions back to Spike and serenaded him by singing along to the lyrics, "Baby you’re all that I want, when you’re lying here in my arms. I’m finding it hard to believe we’re in heaven. Love is all that I need and I found it there in your heart. Now nothing could change what you mean to me. Through the good times and the bad, I’ll be standing there by you." She turned to Buffy and caught her eyes, both smiling happily at each other. It was perfect, she had great friends and someone that loved her with all his undead heart. For once, she felt complete.
The End