Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss & Company own all. Michelle Branch owns 'One of These Days'
Notes: Set in S4. Oz has left. Willow's dealing, Something Blue never happened. Spike has the chip and he's staying at Giles' but he's able to roam around.
Thanks: To Em, because she always says such nice things about my writing! You're the best, hun!!
~*~
I didn't notice
But I didn't care
I tried being honest
But that left me nowhere
I watched the station
Saw the bus pulling through
And I don't mind saying
A part of me left with you
So one of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you
I hope and I pray
Waiting to find a way back to you
'Cause that's where I'm home?h
Did I make you nervous?
Did I ask for too much?
Was I not deserving?
One second of your touch
And one of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you
I hope and I pray
Waiting to find a way back to you
'Cause that's where I'm home?oh
What would you do if I could have you?
What if I could
And left you feel everything and think yeah
One thought denies
Wouldn't that be nice
And one of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you
~*~
Willow sat on her bed, staring at the carpet, but not seeing it. She swallowed the lump in her throat and gasped loudly, sniffled and frowned when no tears came out of her eyes. Her hand reached up to touch her cheek and she felt the salty dryness of her previously soft skin. There were no more tears to cry. It seemed like she had run out.
She turned around and saw the sun pouring through the windows and she mentally cursed the sunny southern California weather. She was moping, dammit! Shouldn't it be raining or something? If only she had control over things like that. If only she could've made Oz stay. If only, if only, if only.
So much hoping, no follow through. She leaned against the headboard
and closed her eyes tightly, wanting nothing more than to make the pain
stop. She still kept her smile on for her friends. They were all so caught
up in their own lives that they didn't even notice the sadness she was
going through. Well, maybe they noticed but they were all too busy to really
care. And in the occasional incident when they actually noticed, they usually
wanted her to hurry up and get over it.
Get over it. Ha, that was a laugh. Much easier said then done. She would love to just get over it. She would love to be able to snap her fingers and make her pain go away. But, could she? No. Why? Because life sucked.
Sad, pained eyes looked up as Buffy walked in through the door, a small smile on her face. It quickly flittered away when the blonde looked up and saw the look on Willow's face. She quickly rushed to her side and sat on the bed. Buffy said sympathetically, "Still thinking about Oz?"
Willow shrugged, "Nothing else seems to fill my mind lately."
"Well, we could always fill it with other umm, stuff. Like," Buffy bit her lower lip, "Umm, something?"
The redhead leaned back, "I don't mind thinking about him. Okay, maybe I do but it gives me something to do." She played with her fingers and closed her eyes briefly.
"Will, that's *all* you've been doing lately. Maybe you should get out a little."
"Isn't it normal procedure after a rough breakup to sit at home and mope for a few, oh say, months?"
"I know what you're going through," Buffy said softly. "I know it hurts and I guess distractions don't really work all that well but I just, I don't know what else to do, Will. I hate seeing you like this, it's like there's nothing I can do to help you."
"This isn't your problem, Buffy," Willow said with a small understanding smile, "It's mine."
"I know and I want to help."
"I don't think you can. Well, except with the talking and listening."
"Right, consider me supporto-gal from now on." She bounced a few times on the bed, "Talk to me."
Willow clasped her hands together, "I really don't feel like talking right now. I'm more in the 'quiet reflection' mode right now."
"Thinking about the past?"
"Yeah."
"You know, maybe it'll help to just go out to the Bronze or something."
Willow shook her head, "I'll pass."
"Come on, Will, party party party! It'll make you feel better."
She looked down and sighed heavily. And there she went again. Willow knew that Buffy was trying to help but didn't she just say herself that distractions never worked? And yet, she was trying to pull one on Willow. Some things just didn't make sense.
"I don't think so, Buff. I'd rather stay here."
"And mope?" She shook her head, "No, come on, you're coming."
Willow looked up at her with tired eyes, "You're not gonna let me say no, are you?"
Buffy smiled at her, "Come on, Will, please?"
She sighed, "Fine, but let it be noted that I'm going against my will."
"It is."
~*~
Willow sat at the table, surrounded by booming music and gyrating bodies, and yet, she never felt more alone. Everyone else around her was happy, dancing, loved and loving. There she was, sucking the energy out of them by sitting there and moping. The pounding beat didn't help at all. In fact, it was only giving her a headache and making her feel even worse. The Bronze was too familiar.
Her gaze drifted to the right and she saw the table where the Scooby Gang had sat only a few weeks ago, her hand in Oz's, listening to Veruca sing, her voice and over-glossed lips mesmerizing Oz into cheating on her. She sighed and looked back out onto the dance floor and saw Buffy dancing happily. Okay, so at least someone was happy. Too bad it just wasn't her.
She slid off the chair and headed out, not even bothering to say goodbye. She knew that it was rude but she wasn't in the mood to deal with Buffy right now. God, this breakup was ruining everything, her friendships, her social life, everything. She looked up and saw Spike leaning against the wall of a building a few feet from her, smoking a cigarette. Hey, and it just got worse.
Willow quickened her pace, hoping he didn't notice her. But he did. Spike walked up to her and held out his hand. She stopped suddenly, her body only a few inches from his outstretched hand. She hadn't touched anybody since Oz left. "What?"
"You're still thinking about him."
"Thank you, Mr. State the Obvious." She looked up at him, "I have a headache, Spike. I'd really like to get home right about now."
He blew the smoke into her face and smirked at her frown, "I'll walk you home."
She shook her head and continued to walk, "No, thanks."
He reached his hand out to touch her shoulder but she quickly shrugged away with her back still turned to him. Spike's brow furrowed but he quickly put his blank expression back on, "I insist."
Willow sighed, "You're not gonna give up." She shook her head, "I have to stop hanging out with stubborn people."
Spike fell in step with her as they walked back to the dorm. Both were silent for a few minutes until he finally spoke, "He's not worth it."
Her jaw tightened as he said the words and she sped up a bit.
"You deserve better."
She turned to him, her eyes angry, "Spike, just don't talk about it, okay? I just, I can't."
He looked at her, "Touchy subject?"
"Well, yeah."
"I get it. But I'm serious, he's not worth it."
Willow let out a sigh of relief as the campus came into view. They walked a few more minutes in silence and she sighed, "Maybe you're right. Maybe you're not. All I know is that right now it still hurts so I'm still gonna be all mopey. I've basically chased away all my friends. You're not my friend. You don't like me. If you didn't have the chip in your head, you'd be biting me right about now. Last week, that wouldn't have seemed like such a bad thing but right now, I like my blood right where it is, in my body. So, please tell me why you're here."
"I do like you. It's the rest of the lot I can't stand."
She scoffed, "I'm a meal to you, Spike." She shrugged, "I guess on a weird level, being biteable is a compliment."
"You're different."
"Insult?"
"No, in a good way." He walked closer and she immediately backed away, "There's something about you. I can't place it."
Willow began to walk away again, "Well, maybe you shouldn't then."
"I have a curious mind, pet. I can't just let it go."
"Sometimes you just have to."
"You should listen to your own advice."
"Nobody ever does." Willow finally reached the door to her dorm and she pointed at them, "This is me. Thank you for walking me, Spike. Good night."
"Quit with the formal. If you heard me at all tonight, it's enough."
She stood there, silent, "Right."
He quickly grabbed her hand and she stared down at their joined hands, still silent, not pulling away.
"G'night." Spike turned and walked away and she stood there, frozen, confused, and cold. Somehow, she had managed to sink to a new level of loneliness.
~*~
Buffy walked in to the dorm room, all previous feelings of confusion, anger, and misunderstanding drained out of her. She closed the door and stripped off her clothing quietly. She watched as Willow's chest rose up and down, evenly, calmly. Finally. She was getting rest.
She knew that tonight she didn't help that much. A part of her understood why Willow left. Everything there reminded of her of Oz. It was still too soon for her. She still remembered herself in the beginning; it was pure torture being near anything that even remotely related to Angel. So, she went to Los Angeles. To gather her thoughts, to forget her past, to forget *him*. She shook her head, what Willow needed right now was not a party or a quick fix. What she needed was time.
Buffy inched closer to Willow's bed, leaned forward and gave her a small kiss. She turned around, not noticing the twitch. Buffy crawled into bed and quickly drifted off to sleep.
A few feet away, Willow opened her eyes, still wide awake. She looked up at the white ceiling above her and felt something slide down her cheek and into her hair. She lifted up her hand and felt her cheek. Wet.
~*~
Spike opened the door, surprise covering his face, "You're here."
Willow shrugged, "I'm always here. Research gal, remember?"
She was followed by Buffy who shot Spike a glare and the vampire backed away, shooting his own daggers in her direction. Buffy plopped herself down onto the couch and sighed, "So, what's the what, Giles?"
"Those demons you saw on patrol last night, could you describe them again?"
"Big, slimy as in mucous-y, and they had claws."
Spike rolled his eyes, "You just described about 50 different species of demons, Slayer."
Buffy glared at him, "Are you sure I can't stake him?"
Giles shook his head, "No, do you remember anything else?"
The Slayer snapped her fingers after a few moments, "Oh, a symbol, here." She drew a circle with a cross in the middle. "That mean anything?"
He took the piece of paper from her and sipped his tea before sitting down at the table, books strewn about, "Yes, it might. Thank you, Buffy." Giles looked up at Willow, "Could you perhaps look this up on that contraption?"
She nodded and got up, only stopping when Buffy put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. The blonde silently mouthed the words, 'I'm sorry'. Willow gave her a small smile before walking to the table and settling down, all the while, trying to ignore Spike's watching eyes.
Buffy looked around, "Where are Anya and Xander?"
"Anniversary of some sort," Giles said as he rifled through his books. "Spike," he lifted the piece of paper above his head, "Does this symbol mean anything to you?"
"I'm not a part of your group, Watcher. I don't plan to just give you free information."
In his other hand, Giles held up a $20 bill.
Spike snatched both from him and looked down at the paper, "Ancient.
Try looking up demon warriors. I don't remember the name but it's familiar."
Willow nodded before typing in the description into the search box. She tapped her fingers against the keyboard, waiting patiently.
Buffy grabbed a stake off the table and walked towards the door, "I'll patrol, see if I catch another glimpse of them."
Giles mumbled his agreement before handing a book to Spike as the vampire sat down at the table, right next to Willow. She didn't take any notice as she continued to click away, going from page to page.
~*~
Buffy sighed dejectedly as she shut the door, "Nothing. Staked a few vamps but nothing special." She took off her jacket and put the stake back onto the table, "Any luck?"
Willow pushed the hair out of her face, "A few false calls but nothing so far with me."
Giles sighed as he shut another book, he shook his head.
Spike threw the closed book back onto the table, "Nothing here."
"So, we're going into full out research mode then?"
"I suppose so."
Willow looked up from the monitor and smiled, "Great." She looked back down and sighed, this was good. This gave her something to do. Something else to focus on.
Spike continued to watch her, a small smile slipping onto his face as he inched closer to her, "Yeah, great."
~*~
The room was quiet. Dawn was only a few hours away and the three humans in the room had given in to the grasps of sleep while Spike was still wide awake. He saw the frown on Willow's face and he picked her up, moving her body closer to his as he stood up. He placed her on the couch gently and grabbed a blanket from the closet. He stared down at her as he put the blanket over her, confused as to why he was doing all this for her.
Like he said before, there was something about her. Something that called out to him. It wasn't just her outside. It was deeper. Past her innocence, past her pain, past her fake smiles and need to please her friends. It was something inside her, something that just screamed out to him. He still couldn't figure out what it was but all he knew was that he wanted her.
Too bad she wasn't available. Her thoughts were still on the wolf and most likely would be for a long while. He could just take her but he didn't want her with resistance. He wanted her willing. He could tell that she was slowly crumbling and soon, he might just break down the walls but then again, he never was the patient one.
Who knew what might happen next?
Spike leaned down and grabbed her hand, loving the warmth radiating off of it. He rested his head against the couch seat, her hand in his and drifted off to sleep.
In the morning, Buffy was the first to awaken. She stood up and walked over to the couch, staring at the scene before her with confused eyes. She swallowed the lump in her throat and shook her head before walking into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.
~*~
Giles sat up in his chair and cleared his throat, alerting the rest of the room, "I believe I found it."
Xander gently caressed Anya's sleeping face, her body leaning on his as they lay together on the couch, "What is it?"
"Hanen demons. Demon warriors bent on destroying the human race." He looked up, "To sum it all up."
Buffy raised an eyebrow, "Why are they here? Sacrifice or are they just getting all rampage-y?"
"Uhh, the latter I believe."
"Great," The Slayer picked up a large axe, "So just the general chop and dice."
Giles pulled off his glasses, "How do you know where to find them?"
"I went to Willy's earlier, got some info. Didn't even have to pound him."
He shook his head, "Bring Spike."
Buffy looked at him incredulously, "No!"
"If he's staying here then he must earn his keep. I've already paid him to help us and so he will go along with you to slay the demons. I believe you said there were three?"
"Well, yeah, but-"
"You can't handle three."
"Giles!"
Willow got up and raised her hand, "I can help, too."
Xander gently put Anya's head on the pillow as he stood up, "Do you want me to go with?"
"No," Giles replied, "I'll go."
Buffy sighed, "Alright, pick your weapons."
~*~
Willow and Spike walked together, side by side. They both kept stealing glances at each other, neither willing to say anything as they walked in the direction of the demons' hideout.
She slowed her steps, letting Buffy and Giles walk farther ahead of them before she spoke, "Thanks."
"For what?"
"What you've been doing the past few days. You've been all nice and caring for some reason. But, you haven't been suffocating me like everyone else was. It's refreshing."
"I'm refreshing?"
She grinned, "It's a good thing." Willow looked away and sighed, "You still didn't give me a real reason as to why you're doing all this."
He shrugged, "I don't know why."
"I thought you were evil."
"I am evil."
"Evil usually involves being well, evil-y, not covering cold humans on couches with blankets."
"You forgot I put you there too."
"See?"
Spike forced out an unneeded sigh, "Guess I always had a thing for redheads."
She smiled before nodding towards Buffy and Giles, "You know we might be walking towards our death, you're still not going to give me a straight answer?"
"If we survive, I will."
~*~
Buffy snapped the neck of the last demon and took a deep breath, "Well, that was fun."
Giles got to his feet, biting back a groan, "Oh, yes, quite exciting."
Willow was struggling to keep her balance but still smiled, "We won."
The Slayer grinned, "Yup, and I have a feeling I'll be all achy tomorrow but hey, we won. Again."
Spike dropped his weapon and reached his hand out in front of Willow. She grabbed it and leaned on him, silently grateful that he was there tonight. If he hadn’t come, she would've been a corpse. He saved her, in more ways then one. And all he did was wait and when he saw that she needed him, he was there.
Who would've thought? Spike, wait.
Never her. But then again, this was the Hellmouth and weird things happened all the time. Willow smiled up at him as she limped her way with his help through the cemetery.
Before, she was like a loaded gun. One pull and she would've burst. She held it all in, not wanting to deal with it all. Not wanting to feel the pain. Not wanting to be reminded of the past and the hurtful memories. But, his words rang through her, making her accept. And she did. Because of that, she was better.
Spike leaned down and kissed the top of her head softly.
Much better.
The End