Notes: Heard the song, this idea came to mind. I just didn't stop typing for about 15 minutes and this came out.
Pairing: B/S *gasp* (Don't worry, it's not lovey-dovey) D/S, W/S (whoo!)
Rating: PG-13
Thanks: To my beloved beta, Em! Thanks for everything, sweetie!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I'm not supposed to be scared of anything,
but I don't know where I am
I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted
and nobody understands (how I feel)
I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's
no air in my lungs
There's no one here to talk to and the pain
inside is making me numb
I try to hold this under control
They can't help me 'cause no one knows
Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes
I'm feeling weak and weary walking through
this world alone
Everything you say, every word of it, cuts
me to the bone
I've got something to say, but now I've got
no where to turn
It feel like I've been buried underneath the
weight of the world
I try to hold this under control
They can't help me 'cause no one knows
Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes
I'm running, shaking
Bound and breaking
I hope I make it through all these changes
Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it
Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, I hate this
But I'm going through changes, changes
~^~**~^~
Bitch. Bloody bitch. She did it again. And hell, he let her.
Spike looked around his empty crypt angrily. Why? Why did he let her do this to him? Why? The three-letter word pierced through his mind, trying to find some sort of answer.
And surprisingly, this time, there actually was something.
He was enamored with her. There was just something about her that drew him in. Lust? Yes, but not completely. The challenge, true, had some factor in it but it wasn't the main reason why. Need.. yeah, that was it.
Need.
She needed him. She was dependent upon him. He made her feel. Anything, really. It was only to him that she showed her true self, the part that was too hideous to show any of her bloody Scooby Gang.
But, he could accept it. After all, she treated him like he was a monster. And that was all he was to her, a monster, something that was only good enough to fuck.
And yet, through all of it, he accepted it. He let her destroy a part of himself and he returned the favor by doing the same. Their relationship, if you can even call it that, was doomed from the start.
It never should have begun. And, tonight, she finally ended it. Again.
But, he knew that within a couple days, she'd be crawling back. Well, more like pushing him against the wall and ripping his clothes off. Buffy never was one for subtlety.
He used to like that about her. Now, he didn't. He missed the softness, the caresses. Drusilla was the perfect mixture of that. She could be ruthless one minute and completely innocent the next. But, it was that constant alternation between the two that annoyed the hell out of him. Maybe, he'd always love his Dark Princess, after all, he was love's bitch, but, maybe not. Right now, he was too pissed to care.
The Slayer wanted an end. Alright, he'd give it to her. She said herself that she didn't want him. He was beneath her. Ha, that was a laugh. If she was so damn above him, why did she always come back? He wished he could say all that he felt to her face, but then again, would she even care?
Probably not.
He missed that too. Someone who actually cared. Someone who actually wanted *him*. Not his body, not his power, just him.
Sometimes, he would just fantasize about it. Yup, him, William the Bloody, fantasizing about this so called perfect relationship. Quite pathetic it was, his ultimate fantasy being real love. <Bloody hell, I'm a poof.>
Hearing the knock on the door, he looked up and glared at the inanimate object. "Yeah?" He asked gruffly.
The knocking repeated itself and Spike got up and stalked to the door. He whipped it open and asked again, this time more aggravated, "Yeah?"
Willow smiled nervously at him and shifted her weight on her feet, "Umm, Hi, Spike, did I come at a bad time or something? Cuz, you know, I could just, you know, go back and umm, come later." She began to back away slowly, hoping for his consent.
He continued to glare at her and then turned around, calling out over his shoulder, "Come in."
"Are you sure? Because-"
"What more do you need, Witch?" He mumbled under his non-existent breath, "A bloody hand written invitation?" He leaned against the wall and looked at her expectantly.
"Right, why I'm here. We need your help." Before he could snap at her, she quickly added, "Don't worry, I already talked to Giles. We're willing to pay you and all for your help, cuz you know, you obviously don't like hanging around us."
"Only some of you," he replied absentmindedly, thinking about a certain blonde.
She looked up, surprised, "Really?"
"Is that all, Red?" He asked, ignoring her question.
"Umm," Willow paused for a second, "Well, yeah, but umm, don't you wanna know what we need help with?"
Spike let out an unneeded sigh, "No, because even if I don't agree the damn Slayer is going to make me do it anyway. Might as well get some money out of it if I can. What time is the next Scooby gathering?"
"Tomorrow," She said softly, thinking over his words, "At sunset."
"Bloody perfect timing," He grumbled. He turned around and began to walk further into the crypt, "You can see yourself out."
Willow looked at his retreating body and said softly, "Thank you, Spike. For everything."
Spike stopped and stared at her, "No need to thank me, Witch. I already said I would help."
"I know," she said smiling, "But, I'm saying it anyway."
"Right," He gave her an odd look and began to turn away when she stopped him.
"I know that we're not exactly very nice to you all of the time but it's just, mostly, we're expecting you to attack us or something at any given moment. Honestly, most of us are scared of you cuz well, you know, master vampire and all. And, yeah, I know you have the chip and everything but still, kinda freaky. Not that you're a freak or anything. It's just creepy, or, wait, that's not the right word either." Willow paused her babbling and cocked her head to the side, thinking about how to continue. "They don't believe you've changed but, I do. In a good way. Which is bad in your point of view now that I think about it." She sighed, mentally cursing herself, "You know what, why don't we just leave it at 'thank you, Spike, for everything'."
With his back still turned, his mind processed all that she had said. When he turned around, she was already gone. And for the first time, he actually wanted to hear her soft babbles again. Her smell lingered in the air and he inhaled it, taking in all that he could.
She believed that he's changed. But, is that necessarily a good thing?
Was he still the cold-blooded murdering monster that he was before? Or did he really change? Could demons even change? Was it possible?
Maybe. Most likely. Yes.