Notes: This is a bit AU.. set in my own little world- I'm not positive as to exactly what's going to be what so I guess I'll explain as I go along~
Notes2: damn the rain.. half way across the world on vacation and the gods above decide to make it rain.. *shakes head* anyway- got *really* bored.. so decided to write this out on paper *remind me never to do that again* lol.. but hey- at least i got this first part out..
Disclaimer: I own nothing- Joss and Company own all!!
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~Part: 1~
Willow sat at the table in Giles's living room, completely bored out of her mind. She rested her head against the inside of her palm and leaned her elbow on the table. She felt someone kick her underneath the table and looked up. She was met with Buffy's teasing eyes. Her own eyes narrowed as she finally figured out what her best friend was mouthing, "Wake up" Willow shot her a menacing look and turned her head towards Giles who at the moment was still going on about the latest demon news. Her gaze went past the watcher and to the clock above his head. <8:30.. hmm.. maybe we can get out of this and head to the Bronze> Before Willow could make a move, Buffy piped up.
"Giles, you've been repeating the same thing for like the past half hour- could we *please* go home now?"
Giles pinched the bridge of his nose, "Alright Alright- just promise me you'll patrol before you go off to do whatever you children do these days"
Buffy leaped up from her chair squealing, "Ahhh!! Thank you so much- ok- Will, Xan- get up- we're leaving"
~^~**~^~
"Make her stop! Make her stop now!" Buffy waved her hand towards the very off key singer that was currently on stage trying to mimick the newest Britney Spears song. "Remind me never to come to the Bronze when they're having Kareoke night"
"She's not *that* bad" Willow tried to reason but right as those words came out of her mouth the singer belted out an *very* off key note.
Buffy rose an eyebrow, "You're right, Bad doesn't even begin to describe how umm... talented this girl is"
"Like you could do better" Xander challenged then shaking his head trying to rid himself of the current headache that he also had now because of the girl.
Buffy scoffed, "Watch me"
"Oh dear god, this should be fun" Willow laughed but at Buffy's warning glare she added, "errrrmm.. I mean- oh yeah- you'll do.. great" she finished lamely.
"Nice to know I have your support" the blonde commented dryly.
"Well- stop stalling. Please show us your musical talent Ms. Summers" Xander nodded his head toward the stage.
~^~**~^~
"At first I was afraid.. I was petrified" Buffy began, surprisingly on key.
While back at the table Willow coughed a couple times, trying to hold down her drink. "Oh my god.. is she singing what I think she's singing"
"Are you afraid? Because I'm feelin the fear" Xander quipped.
"Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side" Buffy began to wave her hands, obviously attempting to copy some type of dance move.
"Oh- My- God" Xander got out before he burst into laughter. Willow slapped him upside the head and motioned for him to stop, "Stop it! She's actually doing pretty good"
Before Xander could get out a reply his ears perked up as he heard Buffy's next words. "You know- I just can't do this without my bestest friend in the whole world joining me." She paused in her speech and her eyes scanned the crowd as if searching, "Willow- would you be a pal and get up here?" she finished sweetly.
Willow froze when she heard her name, <no.. she couldn't.. yep> she nodded her head, <she did>
"Well- Come on Will- Get up there!" Xander said through a big grin.
She straightened her back and shot Xander a warning glare before getting up and walking to the stage calmly. Buffy wanted a partner.. well hell- she'll get one!
~^~**~^~
>From a distance if you were watching these two, you would think they were drunk but Buffy Summers and Willow Rosenberg were far from it.. they were just happy and hyper and yeah ok.. a *bit* tipsy. They walked down the street to Willow's house hand in hand, in a major giggling fit.
Willow burst into another fit of giggles but when she saw that they were nearing houses she began to calm herself down. "That was the best- we have to do that again"
"Told ya! Didn't believe me did ya?"
She covered her face with her hands, "I can't believe" she looked up and smacked Buffy lightly across the chest, "You made me do that!!"
The blonde rose an eyebrow, "I thought you just said it was the best!"
"It was" A big smile broke out on the redhead's face, "And of course we have to do it again sometime soon but it was still *really* embarrassing"
Buffy shook her head, "Confidence Will- the key to success. You did *so* good and you *know* it!" She cocked her head to the side, "Who were you thinking about when you were singing anyway?"
"I'll tell you if you tell me" Willow returned, a mischievious smile on her face.
Buffy sighed, "Angel" She looked up at the sky which was splattered with stars and then back down at her best friend, "kind of a given." She shook away her gloomy mood, "Anyways- your turn"
"Kind of a given also"
Buffy looked at her confused, "Who?"
Willow looked at her best friend incredulously, as if her answer was the most obvious thing in the world. "Spike"
~Part: 2~
Buffy's look of confusion quickly turned into one of understanding, "He really hurt you bad didn't he?"
Willow sighed and looked up seeing that they had already made it to her house, "Yeah.. he did"
Buffy let out a small laugh, trying to lighten the mood, "It seems like they all run away when things get rough- and all to LA too- like Sire, like Childe"
Willow was quiet for a moment, letting the memories wash over, "You wanna sleep over Buffy? I think I'm in one of those talking moods- could really use a friend"
Buffy's lips turned up into a warm smile, "That's what I'm here for Will"
~^~**~^~
Willow leaned against the foot of the bed and rested her chin against her kneecaps as she wrapped her arms around her legs. "I just thought that everything we shared was.. real- you know?" she paused for a moment, "it felt real"
Buffy nodded understandingly and waited for the redhead to continue on.
"After Oz I thought I'd never feel that way again but then Spike showed up and everything" she let go of her legs and opened her hands and put them out in front of her, "just happened" she cocked her head to the side, "not necessarily bad but it just happened" she sighed "and I'm kinda glad it did in a way. The whole thing made me grow up" she shook her head sadly "It still hurts though"
"Is it okay to talk now?" Buffy asked cautiously afraid Willow had more to say.
Willow let out a small laugh, "Yeah Buff, it's okay to comment now"
"Just makin sure" Buffy started to tap her fingers against the carpet and then began, "I just can't believe he pulled an Angel on you. I mean- he just left- one day- out of nowhere." She shook her head confused, "I'll never understand guys- and they say *we're* complicated- please" she looked up Willow and grinned sheepishly, "sorry- getting off track here- I just mean that I thought he learned from what Angel did and that he would figure out that leaving was *not* a good idea. I really thought you guys had a chance too- I mean, you seemed so happy together"
"We were" Willow replied quietly.
"I'm sorry Will- I didn't mean to ruin your mood"
"Not your fault hun"
Buffy tried to change subjects, "Did you ever talk to him after he left?"
Willow shook her head negatively, "I was so worried when he left that day. I mean- my god, I just let my imagination take a hold of me. I honestly thought he was dead.. err.. deader. It wasn't until Angel called me and *told* me that Spike was there in LA with him that I relaxed. But I didn't get anything out of him though- he was being more cryptic then usual."
"That's Angel for ya" Buffy sighed as they talked about her former love. <former being the key word here- time to get over it Summers- it's been too long>
"I haven't talked to Angel since" Willow continued softly, "That was over a month ago"
"Aren't we a couple? Both tryin to get over our ex-honeys"
Willow let out a small smile, "Yeah"
~^~**~^~
"Hey Giles! Hey Buffy!" Willow chirped as she entered the Watcher's apartment. Seeing the gloomy look that Buffy had on her face she asked jokingly, trying to lighten the mood, "Who died?" With no change in the blonde's expression, Willow asked frantically, "Oh my god- Who died?"
"Nobody Will- it's just.. umm.. we got some news today" Buffy began carefully.
Willow looked at Buffy confused, "What is it?"
"Well, you see- it's umm.. just that- umm"
"Buffy- just spit it out"
"We umm.. as in you and me" Buffy waved a finger at Willow and then at herself, "have to umm.. go to LA"
~Part: 3~
"Excuse me?" Willow asked, just a *tad* bit shocked.
"LA- we.. umm.. have to go there" Buffy said nervously, wringing her hands together. <I hate this- I really don't want to make Will do this, but I really have no choice>
"W-What? Why? When?" the still shocked redhead stuttered out.
"We have to go to LA because apparently there's this big demon situation thing that they can't handle by themselves and they're asking *us* for help because well, they need it. And as soon as possible, I'm talking like either today or tomorrow." Seeing Willow's skeptical look Buffy added, "Look- they wouldn't ask us unless it was serious"
"What about the hellmouth? You can't just not have a slayer here" Willow stated matter-of-factly.
Giles cleared his throat, "The rest of us can handle it. It should only be a couple of days- two weeks at the most. We've been able to handle three months without a slayer- things should be just fine and if we need immediate help, you two are only a phone call away."
"Why do *I* have to go? It seems all they need is a slayer." Willow tried again, not wanting to go through with this at *all*.
"For witchcraft Will, they closest they got there is Cordy. They need you." The blonde slayer replied, her voice pleading.
<Stop being so selfish Rosenberg- Angel and Cordy *need* you. You should be there for them- so what if Spike is there? You can deal with it- just ignore him or something!> Willow was brought out of her thoughts at hearing Buffy's voice asking quietly, "So- Are you gonna do this or no?"
Willow let out a big sigh and nodded her head affirmatively, "Yeah"
~^~**~^~
Willow turned her head towards Buffy's direction when she heard the blonde snore softly, her head resting on the window. <Poor Buffy- she's been over working herself lately> Her hands tightened on the steering wheel as she saw the sign "LA- 30 miles" <Oh Goddess.. 30 miles.. until I see Spike> Shaking her head out of her thoughts she turned on the radio, making sure it was playing at a soft level and tried to put her mind onto other things.
Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you Why'd you turn away? Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there, waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
<Oh yes.. because this is *really* helping me forget about him> She let out a sigh and began to sing along softly, completely relating with the lyrics.
That's when I decided Why should I care Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's place when you turn around can you recognize my face you used to love me, you used to hug me But that wasn't the case Everything wasn't ok I was left to cry there waiting outside there dealing with the loss there
<Did he use me? It's been over a month and I *still* don't know why he left. Why didn't I ever confront him about this?> Willow snorted as she realized she had answered her own question <because I was afraid of the answer I would get>
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud Open your eyes Open up wide Why should I care Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone Why should I care Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone Why should I care
<Why should I care?> she asked herself. <because you just do Rosenberg, because you thought he was someone special> She shook her head in confusion and turned off the radio as the song ended. The music and lyrics had only made her thoughts more twisted then they were at the beginning of the trip.
~^~**~^~
Willow and Buffy walked side by side, thoughts racing as they made their way to the hotel in which Angel currently resided in.
"Are you ready for this?" Buffy asked cautiously, still feeling guilty for having to drag Willow through all this.
The redhead looked up surprised, "I should ask you that same question."
The blonde slayer let out a small laugh, "Yeah- I think it's finally time for me to just leave my past.. in the past"
"Easier said then done" the hacker commented.
Buffy let out a sigh, "Oh- I know- but then again so are most of the "lessons"" she used her fingers to do air quotes, "of life."
"So true, so true" Willow said with a laugh. It ceased when she realized that they were at their destination. She straightened her back and looked at Buffy with more confidence then she felt, "Ready?"
At Buffy's affirmative nod, she pushed her way through the revolving doors.
~^~**~^~
"Angel?" Willow called out to the empty lobby, "We're here!"
"Willow?" the souled vampire asked as he stepped into the light, "And Buffy!" he quickly walked over and enveloped the surprised redhead in a tight hug, "I can't believe you guys actually came." He paused when he was in front of Buffy, unsure of what to do.
"Of course we came, you needed help- so here we are" Buffy declared, holding out her arms as an invitation to Angel for a hug. Seeing Angel's smile, which was a rare occurrence at that, she relaxed.
"Willow?!" the redhead turned around when she heard a familiar female voice squeal her name, "You're *finally* here!"
"Cordy!!!" Willow rushed up to her friend and gave her a big hug. The two had been exchanging emails ever since Cordelia had moved to LA- and matured.. a lot. This of course was unknown to Buffy and Angel and by the looks on their faces, they still didn't know.
"Will?" Buffy called out carefully, "umm.. what are you *doing*?"
"Hugging Cordy" replied the petite redhead who at the moment was being smothered by Cordelia.
"Why?" The blonde slayer asked confused.
"Because we're friends and because we haven't seen each other in so long!" Willow explained patiently. She bit her lower lip in restraint as she tried not to laugh at the shocked look that Angel was still sporting. "We've been emailing each other back and forth after she left" she continued on.
"Oh" was all Angel could muster. He shook his head, still a bit confused.
"You're here"
Four heads turned around as the voice called out. Willow closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened them again, she was confident she could handle this whole situation. "Hello Spike"
~Part: 4~
"Willow, Slayer" He replied evenly.
A feeling of pain tinged through her heart as she heard what he called her, "Willow" <Not Red> Red was a nickname that he called her when he liked her, when he actually spoke to her, but apparently not anymore. Determined not to let her disappointment show she turned to Angel, "Our bags are still in the car- do you mind carrying them up to our rooms for us?"
Angel nodded his head and grabbed the keys from Willow's outstretched hand, "Yeah, of course- Cordy, why don't you show them their rooms while Spike and I get their bags."
"Sure- follow me" Cordelia nodded her head towards the stairs.
~^~**~^~
"What is wrong with you?" Angel asked angrily as soon as they stepped out the door and into the warm night.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Peaches" Spike returned, still pretending to be oblivious.
"What the hell was that in there?" The older vampire waved his hand toward the hotel's revolving doors as they continued their way to the car.
"A simple exchange of greetings"
"Spike, don't be an idiot. She's here now and it's obvious she's hurting- why are pushing the pain farther in?"
The bleached blonde demon was silent for a moment, "I don't love her, so why should I care?"
Angel snorted at Spike's confession, "Bullshit- Spike- you may be able to fool yourself into believing that you don't have feelings for that girl but you can't fool me." He softened his expression, "Love's not controllable Childe- you can't help who you fall in love with."
Spike was silent for the rest of the time. They finished getting the bags and right before Angel walked into the hotel he turned around and looked his blue eyed childe in the eye, "Don't screw this up"
~^~**~^~
Spike sat on the couch in the lobby, thinking over Angel's words. "Don't screw this up" He scoffed, like it wasn't already screwed up. He had to leave- why didn't she understand that? He wasn't meant for her- they weren't meant for each other. A vampire and a mortal- it just didn't work out. He didn't want to be around and watch their relationship disintegrate bit by bit and so he left, hoping she would understand. Obviously, she didn't. That wasn't the only reason though- that was what he convinced himself to believe. The *real* reason was hidden from his mind as he refused to believe it, he was scared. And it made sense in a way why he tried to hide from it, after all he was a master vampire and master vampires just don't get scared. They may enjoy inflicting pain and torture and watch their victims drown in fear but they never, ever get scared. Besides, love- piffle! It didn't exist. At least it didn't exist to him. Every time he had given his heart away, it would be returned to him- mashed up into little bits and pieces. There was no way he would bring that kind of pain onto himself again. He wasn't scared, of course not, he was just.. sensible.
~^~**~^~
"How are you doing, hun?" Buffy asked as she began to unpack her stuff.
"Not as bad as I thought I was going to be," Willow pulled a shirt out of her suitcase and hung it up in the closet, "I'm not a crying wreck right now so that's always a plus."
"Are you gonna talk to him anytime soon?"
The redhead let out a sigh, "I doubt it- but I know it's bound to happen so I don't know- maybe I should just get it over and done with."
The slayer nodded, approving, "It's better then ignoring it"
Willow shook her head, not wanting to think about Spike at the moment, "So what about you and Angel?"
"What about me and Angel- there is *no* me and Angel."
"You know I could say the same thing about me and Spike"
Buffy shook her head and walked across the room to where Willow was standing, "No, you guys actually have a chance. Your relationship could actually work. A souled vampire who can't have a true moment of happiness and a slayer just doesn't fit- as much as I want it to." She let out a sigh, "It took me a while to finally accept it but now I do." Buffy spoke confidently, her voice strong though Willow could see the pain hidden in the depths of her hazel eyes.
"I'm sorry" Willow walked over to her and hugged her tightly.
Buffy didn't reply but returned Willow's hug. The two stayed that way, in each other's arms for a few minutes until Willow finally broke away. "Looks like I'm gonna have to go talk to him now, don't I?"
At Buffy's nod Willow walked to the door and right before she walked out she heard the blonde's softly spoken words, "Good Luck"
~^~**~^~
Willow walked down the steps, feeling slightly more confident with each step. When she finally reached the last one, she looked up and saw Spike observing her with a blank face from the couch. She cleared her throat, "Hey Spike"
Spike merely nodded at her, somehow thinking that it was fit enough for a greeting.
"Can we.. umm.. talk?" She began nervously. They were about 10 feet away from each other and yet they seemed to be a thousand miles apart. Spike sat at one end, completely calm, maybe a bit overly calm and composed. While Willow at the other end, stood nervously, shifting her weight from one foot to the other and wiping her sweaty palms on her jeans.
"Depends what on"
<Wow- he just has to make this tough for me doesn't he?> "I think you know what about talking about Spike"
"No, I really bloody well don't"
She let out a sigh and closed her eyes and counted to ten, trying to regain the confidence she had a couple minutes ago. It seemed that it was all built up for nothing because with a couple of phrases, Spike had been able to crack that confidence. Well, she decided angrily, there was no way she was going to let him ignore this- she was tired of it. She wanted answers damn it- and she was going to get them- no matter how hard it was. "About us"
~Part: 5~
"There is no us"
Willow tried hard not to let his words sting but she couldn't help it- he spoke of the matter so nonchalantly- as if he *really* didn't care. "Hence the reason I want to know why. So tell me, why'd you leave?" the words spilled from her mouth as she struggled to regain clear thought in her mind.
"Plenty of reasons" he replied in a clipped tone, trying his best not to be affected by her teary stare.
"Care to go into any of them?"
"Not in particular"
"Well, do it anyway"
"Willow, I left- ok? Deal with it. It's in the past and it's time to move on." Spike looked down, not wanting to see the look on her face. He knew he was causing her pain, he didn't want to but it was the only way to push her away. It was the only choice he had left. Couldn't she see that he had no more options left? He couldn't love- if there was such a thing to begin with- he was a demon. Simple as that.
"Deal with it?" she repeated in a quiet voice, "This is not just some simple little problem you can write off, Spike! This involved feelings- it involved emotions- and I refuse to just let you pass it off as a mere complication."
"What do you want to hear then? That what- I loved you? That it hurt like hell for me to leave- that I had to because it would never work?" The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them. He bit his lower lip in frustration <Why do I let her get to me like this?>
"I want to hear the truth Spike, just the truth. That's all I'm asking" She replied shakily.
"You want the truth?" He dug his nails into his skin as he continued on, "I'm scared. I'm scared of this" he waved a hand between himself and Willow, "I'm scared of what I'm feeling when I think about you. I'm a demon. I'm *not* supposed to feel any of this- period. And when I'm with you, I do. And that scares me too. I don't want to be scared, not anymore. I can't *afford* to be scared. *That's* why I left."
She could no longer hold back the tears and now they were flowing freely down her face. He looked at her, wanting nothing more then to go over to her and comfort her, but he couldn't. He already revealed too much. He was already in too deep- he couldn't let himself fall in further. So like all the other times when things got rough, he did what he did best. He left.
~^~**~^~
The tears wouldn't stop. No matter what she thought or tried to convince herself to do, they just wouldn't stop. She felt arms go around her and for a moment she thought it was him.. but it wasn't. It was Cordelia and she had a look on her face that said, "Talk- but later- when you're not crying your eyes out." And so the sobbing redhead leaned into the former cheerleader and let it all out. All the pain, all the sorrow, but mostly, all the regret.
~^~**~^~
He thought he could escape. But he couldn't. She would always be there- if not physically, her image would always be with him, haunting him. He let out a feral growl when he realized his thoughts were leading him to nowhere. He continued to drive, his hands gripping the steering wheel. Spike was so lost in his thoughts that he barely even noticed the sign, "Thanks for visiting! Come back soon!"
~^~**~^~
"He what?" Angel growled, trying to control his anger.
"Angel, please" Willow's soft spoken words put an immediate halt to the souled vampire's actions, "Not now."
"He left- again?" Buffy repeated, still unable to comprehend that someone could be so foolish.
The redhead merely nodded and curled further into Cordelia's embrace. The brunette saw that Angel was about to start again and silenced him with a look. She mouthed, "Don't"
The vampire let out an unneeded sigh and forced his anger down, "I'll be in the other room if you need me, Willow"
After Angel left Buffy moved to join in on the hugging. A few more minutes passed in silence as the girls held the still shaking redhead. Willow gently pushed the other two away and said quietly, "I think I need some time to just- be alone. I need.. I need to be alone." And without another word she ran up to her room.
Buffy watched her as she bounded up the stairs with a sad look. She turned to Cordelia, "She's hurting bad Cordy. I knew this was a mistake." The blonde sank down onto the couch and began to comb her hair with her fingers. "It was too early- I knew it was too early. We should've given her another month or so."
Cordelia put an arm around the slayer and said comfortingly, "None of us knew it was going to happen. We thought what we did was best. Now we know it was wrong- it's not our place to interfere. I just hope Willow understands that."
"I don't understand him- what the hell is going on in that head of his anyway?"
~^~**~^~
He was free. Finally after so long, he was free. So why did he feel so trapped. No matter how many more miles he drove, he still felt as if he were merely centimeters away from her presence. A part of him wanted to go back, to beg her to forgive him for all the foolish mistakes that he made but the arrogant part won out. And he continued driving, not knowing where he was going. Not knowing if he was ever to return. All he knew was that he was finally free, on a certain level.
~^~**~^~
57 days. 57 days and still no word. 57 days of tossing and turning. 57 days of unneeded worrying. 57 days of pure torment. She didn't know how much longer she could wait. The first time he left, it wasn't as bad. She at least knew where he was and that he was safe but now- she had nothing. She knew nothing. Willow stopped pacing and sat on the bed, <Spike can take care of himself- just stop worrying> But she couldn't. She would never stop worrying, not until she got closure. And without the damn bleached blonde demon being here, she couldn't get that. She just wanted him back. To hug him, then slap him, then hug him again. To know that he wasn't dust and that he wasn't hurt or injured. The redhead hugged the stuffed cow harder, wanting it to be enough to be a replacement. But it wasn't, nothing ever was. And nothing ever will be.
~^~**~^~
It had been nearly 4 months since he left.. again. And he was doing fine- honest.. he was. If your description of fine is going out to a bar every night to drink away his sorrows, no, that wasn't the right word- for master vampires *don't* feel. He drank to fill up the emptiness that he felt inside. But no matter how much liquor he had, nothing would ever get rid of that numbness. He would find himself purposely getting into fights, just to feel *something*. It was almost ironic, he left her because he didn't want to feel. But now, he would give anything- just to feel a little bit.
~^~**~^~
"You ok?" Buffy asked as she watched Willow walk down the stairs in the apartment that they shared. After the two girls returned from LA Buffy adamantly refused to let Willow out of her sight so they decided to move in together. The spacious apartment was comfortable and it was homey, something that the redhead never had the privilege to enjoy when she was younger.
Willow rose an eyebrow, "You've been asking me that same question for the past 9 months, on the exact same day- getting a bit repetitive aren't we?"
A small smile was on the slayer's face when she replied, "Well, today is the day when- you know. And I'm just worried."
"It's ok Buffy. I've dealt with it and it's behind me now. Don't worry about it."
"I'm really proud of you Will, you've matured so much over the past months. And hopefully so have I" Buffy paused for a moment, "See this is the part where you agree with me."
The redhead let out a small chuckle, "Yes hun, you have matured. And I obviously have too, but I don't know if that's necessarily a good thing."
"What do you mean?"
"I miss the innocence and naivety I had sometimes."
"You miss being oblivious about things?" The blonde had her nose scrunched up, obviously disagreeing.
"Not exactly oblivious but just not knowing how cruel and harsh reality is."
"Yeah, reality's a bitch."
Willow shook her head, "Ok, this is not how I wanted to start my day. Happy- remember? New Year's Resolution and all. So- what are our plans for today?"
"Giles said the Council was sending some new guy over here to help us with the Hellmouth issues."
"Why? It hasn't been that bad lately."
"Well, when they want to come over and "help us with the Hellmouth issues," Buffy used her fingers to do air quotes, "they really mean they want to check up, evaluate and criticize us."
"Sounds like fun." The redhead replied dryly as she popped a strawberry into her mouth.
"Oh yeah, tons."
~^~**~^~
Buffy dropped her head back against the couch and whined, "Gi-iles!! This Council guy is like 2 hours late! It's already sun down and I'm bored! Even researching is more interesting then this, wait, no- forget I said that last part."
"I apologize Buffy but there is nothing we can do except wait. Perhaps their flight was delayed or something of that sort." Giles continued to sip his tea and read his book, without looking up as he answered her.
"How come Xander got to get out of this and we didn't?" the slayer asked with a pout.
"Xander had to work and is therefore unable to meet our new acquaintance."
"Can I go work too then?" At the negative nod Giles gave her she grumbled, "Oh- so when I *want* to go slay something you won't let me."
About 10 minutes later, there was a knock on the door.
"About time!" Buffy commented, not budging from her seat, "Can you get it Will? I just got comfy."
Willow rolled her eyes and got up to get the door. The knocking repeated itself, "Coming!" She fumbled with the locks, silently cursing Giles for his paranoia with protection and opened the door. She looked up, the bright smile that was previously there, fading as her mind processed who was in front of her.
"Spike?!?"
~Part: 6~
The blue-eyed, light brown haired stranger shot the redhead a curious look and held out his hand, "The name's William. William Ramsey" Willow stood there, frozen and very confused. William took back his hand and was starting to feel a bit awkward, he wasn't used to all the stares that were now being directed at him, "And your name is?"
Willow let out a confused laugh, "You're kidding- right? This is all a joke." She turned around to face Buffy, "This is a joke. Just a joke." She walked towards the direction of the couch, shaking her head.
Buffy cleared her throat and walked up to the door, "Spike- stop messing around. It's *not* funny!"
"Who is this Spike character you all keep speaking of? I'm afraid I'm at a loss." William looked over Buffy's shoulder to Giles, "Rupert Giles?"
"Uh- yes." Giles stood at the table, as confused as the girls but was curious to see how long Spike would keep the act up.
William walked into the room and strode pass Buffy and held out his hand. Giles returned the greeting and looked at the man in front of him with curiosity. <What is going on?>
"I was sent here by the Watcher's Council, as you already know. My instructions were to assist the Slayer in her battles." He continued to rifle through his suitcase until he found what he was looking for. William handed Giles a piece of paper, "This authenticates that I am truly a part of the Council. I was told that you would want proof."
After Buffy finally snapped out of it she slammed the door shut and walked up to William. She cocked her head to the side and then turned to Giles, "Something doesn't feel right." She brought her hand up to the brunette's neck, "You're alive." She whispered out, shocked.
~^~**~^~
Willow heard Buffy's words and got up off the couch. "I can't take this- this is just- I have to go." Before another word could be said the redhead had already walked out the door.
The Slayer turned to her Watcher, completely and utterly lost. "What's going on, Giles?"
"I don't know"
"Perhaps I can be of some assistance?" William asked, sitting down.
"You're human." Buffy stated bluntly.
He nodded, agreeing.
"But.. 9 months ago- you were a vampire!" She spoke slowly, unsure of everything.
William scoffed, "Piffle! I assure you, I've been human my whole life."
"I-I" She paused and then turned to Giles, "You wanna help me out here?"
"How long have you been working for the Council, William?" Giles asked, leaning forward.
"Nearly 5 months now."
"Don't you find it quite odd that they would send a novice to help a Slayer rather then someone more experienced?" The Watcher asked, trying another tactic.
William looked to Buffy, "I suppose you are the Slayer, correct?" At her nod he continued on, "Though I may have just started working there, I assure you I am quite capable of fighting right along side, Buffy- isn't it?" She nodded again, "If they didn't think I was, I wouldn't be here, in my current position."
"I don't understand this." Giles took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"You're not the only one Giles."
"What was your position before you began to work for the Council?" Giles asked, still trying to piece everything together.
"I was a poet."
The Watcher looked thoughtful, <So he remembers *parts* of his past> "If you were a poet, how did you come in contact with the Council?"
"I saved one of the members of the Council from a vampire attack. He was grateful to say the least and so in turn provided me with a job."
"Does any of this" Giles waved a hand at their surroundings, "seem familiar?"
"No, I'm afraid it doesn't. Should it?" Now it was William's turn to be confused, <Why do they keep on staring at me as if I'm insane?>
Buffy scoffed but Giles cut her off before she could say anything, "Do you have a place to stay?"
He nodded, "I've already made arrangements and have rented a small apartment."
"Well, I think we've all had enough talk of business for one night." Giles decided, silently hoping that Buffy would go along with it.
"Right- ok- so- umm.. bye William" The blonde Slayer called out to the ex-vampire and closed the door. As soon as she turned around she asked the question that was on both their minds, "What the *hell* is going on?"
~^~**~^~
"You let him go?"
"What was the point of keeping him here? It was wrong to begin with!"
"Where did you send him?"
"-----"
"*Where* *did* *you* *send* *him*?"
"To where he belongs- where he should've been in the first place."
"You realize that you've probably ruined this whole project."
"This is *not* my fault. It was *your* idea to test that damn spell on one of the most feared and notorious vampires of all time!"
"And it worked, that's the amazing part. Can you even *begin* to comprehend how famous and wealthy we'll be once this gets out?"
"I don't want it. I don't want any of it. He might've been a vampire but that doesn't mean you can treat him like some lab rat!"
"Vampires are amoral and unethical creatures."
"And what you did makes you so much better? Please, spare me"
~Part: 7~
~Part: 7~
William settled into his seat, seeming oblivious to the looks he was receiving from the rest of the group. <That redhead still refuses to look me in the eye.. I wonder why?> The young brunette pondered on the subject for a few minutes before Giles cleared his throat and spoke up.
"You are familiar with vampires, yes?" At his nod he continued on, "Do you know of a vampire named William the Bloody or perhaps Spike?"
"No, should I be?"
The Watcher nodded profusely and pointed to a page in a big, dusty book. "Please, come over here and look at this."
"Quite a horrid creature, this one." William commented as he finished reading the page.
"Turn the page," Buffy suggested, <This is gonna be fun>
When William did, what he saw was not what he expected. "That's- He's- He's- Me?"
"Correctomundo" Xander quipped as he leaned forward, waiting to see what Giles was going to do.
"So you see, we were clearly not mistaken when we referred to you as Spike. How you got to your current state though, now that's the mystery." Giles began to clean his glasses as a thought came to mind.
"So, G-man. Any plans?"
"Well, it's quite obvious someone or some people did this to him. We just have to figure out who and what they did."
The slayer groaned, "More research?"
"I'm afraid so"
Willow looked at William, the pain evident in her eyes. <It's not him- it's just.. his human counterpart> She let out a sigh and reached for a book, <You can do this>
"How is it possible? I can't be a vampire!" William stated when he finally found his voice.
"Reason why we're researching. And believe me- yes, you were a vampire. A big pain in Buffy's and everyone else's ass." Xander replied without looking up from his book.
"Perhaps we just look alike. This is clearly a mistake." William tried again, determined to stay in denial.
"Turn the page again" William did as Buffy said and he began to read up on the history of William the Bloody, before he was turned. When he was done the young brunette sat back with a stunned expression plastered onto his face, "Oh"
"Well, I think we finally got it through his head- this is an improvement."
"Xander, stop. That's not helping." Willow reprimanded quietly. <Goddess- I hate this! No, I will not go back to being the old, quiet, mousy Willow. I am strong. I am independent- hear that? In-de-pen-dent Woman here!!!> "Giles, I'm getting a bit of a headache. Do you mind if I leave early?"
The Watcher came out of the kitchen with a cup of tea in his hands, "Go right ahead, Willow. Do you want an escort?"
"I'll go. I could use a bit of air." William volunteered. As soon as the words came out of his mouth, the whole room froze.
"umm.. not sure if that's such a good idea" Xander got up and went for his jacket, "I can do it if you want, Will."
Willow paused for a moment, her previous thoughts ringing through her mind. She straightened her back and her mind was made up, "No, it's ok. William, thank you for offering. I hope this isn't too much of a hassle."
"Quite alright" He replied with a small smile and for a moment, the redhead's eyes flashed with uncertainty. She quickly pushed those feelings to the back of her mind and walked out the door.
~^~**~^~
"Did I do something to upset you?" William asked as they began their walk. His voice was loud in the silence of the crisp night air.
"No. No. Of course not, why do you ask?"
"You seem very keen on ignoring me and like now, you refuse to meet my eye."
Willow mentally scolded herself for giving herself away that easily and looked up to meet his gaze, trying to prove him wrong, "I'm looking at you now."
"Well, only after I mentioned the subject to you."
She shook her head slightly and tried to change the subject, "Do you remember much of your past?"
"Yes, quite actually. My memory is not tarnished, hence the reason why this whole situation seems even more peculiar in my eyes. Me, a vampire?" William looked to Willow again and noticed the change in her attitude when the word "vampire" was mentioned.
"You were." The redhead whispered out quietly.
"Did you know the vampire version of me? Spike, I think you called him."
"Yeah, I did." Her voice kept the quiet and still tone.
"Why the change of attitude all of a sudden?" William asked, deciding to be blunt.
After a long quiet moment, Willow finally answered. "Spike refused to feel when it came to human emotions. He thought it made him weak. And because of this, he hurt a lot of people around him." She started with a soft voice, "He was a master of human emotions, no matter how much he denied it." Willow stopped herself before she could get any farther, "We're here. Thank you for walking with me." She hurriedly rushed up the stairs of her porch but before she could make it to the door, William's voice stopped her.
"Were you among the ones he hurt?"
The redhead was grateful her back was turned because the tears that have been building up for the past hour were threatening to pour over. She bit her lip and answered shakily, "Yes" With that word said, she closed the door before he could ask anymore questions.
~^~**~^~
When William returned to Giles's apartment the rest of the group was still busy researching. His presence was not noted until he asked the one question that got all their attentions, "What did Spike do to Willow?"
~Part: 8~
Buffy visibly paled but regained composure within seconds, "Why do you ask?" Her eyes narrowed, "Are you beginning to remember things?"
"I told you all already, my memory is perfectly intact. I remember everything of my human life, a few minor details changed to fit the times but everything else remains crystal clear. No, I still do not remember *anything* of my supposed vampiric life. Now that we have *that* taken care of, will any of you care to actually answer my question?" William took a deep breath, <they are really starting to irritate me with all their suspicions> He knew that they were just being cautious but paranoia should not overrun your life. He took a seat at the table and waited patiently for the group to collect their thoughts.
Buffy, being the one who walked Willow step by step through the whole thing started first, "She loved him. She loved him *so* much. Probably even more then she realized. Did he care? No, he just threw it all away because he was scared shitless of what he was feeling." She paused for a second, controlling her emotions. Though it was Willow's problem, as her best friend, she had a right to be pissed off. "They were together for a while and one day, he just up and left- went to LA to join his sire Angel." The blonde's jaw tightened as she recalled those memories. She looked to Xander to continue.
"We all thought that we could help them, make them happier by setting them up again. But leave it up to Deadboy Jr. to mess everything up. He left her- again, except this time he hurt her even worse."
"She was actually recovering." Buffy shook her head slightly, "We never should've done anything. Like Cordy said, we never should have interfered."
William studied the whole scenario carefully. Finally he spoke up, "So what you are all basically saying is he left her, twice and the second time he hurt her worse then before." At their nods, he paused, then asked another question, "How long has it been?"
"9 months" Buffy replied quietly.
"He really did hurt her bad then. After that long, she's still tense around *me* and I merely carry his face."
"Willow is a very special woman. When she loves, she loves completely. It's not often she gives her heart out but when she does, that creature is the luckiest one on the face of the earth. She's loving, compassionate, but easily hurt. If only Spike understood that." Giles said quietly, finally adding his opinion to the conversation.
"You said this Spike," William paused, trying out the name, "was scared, what did you mean by that?"
"In his exact words, he was scared to feel. Willow made him feel- and he was afraid. He was the egotistical type and he was also a master vampire. According to him, master vampires weren't supposed to feel human emotions like love- it made them weak." Buffy let out a small laugh, trying to lighten the mood a bit, "The story is a bit like a tragedy."
"It was a tragedy." Four heads turned when they heard the voice from the doorway. Willow closed the door behind her, "I forgot my laptop."
"Hey Will" Buffy began awkwardly, "We were just-"
The redhead held up her hand to stop the explanation, "I know, you were just telling him about the past. I get it. It's ok"
"Are you- are you mad?" Xander asked, just to be sure.
"No" She walked briskly to the table, picked up her laptop, then proceeded to walk to the door. When the door closed, everyone look to each other nervously and William headed for the door.
"Willow! Willow!" He yelled out before running to catch up with her, "Please don't be mad at them. I was the one who asked."
"You know, I would think you would respect me enough not to go around my back asking questions about *my* personal life. If you wanted to know so bad, why didn't you just ask me yourself instead of snooping around and asking my friends? Did you think I couldn't handle it or something? It's been 9 months- I'm over it. Yes, it hurt when it all came rushing back but you know what- love hurts- and I've learned to just deal with it." She finished with a deep sigh and looked at him expectantly.
"I'm- I'm sorry."
The redhead looked at him with a skeptical look then shook her head, "Don't say things that you don't mean"
"But I am."
"Look, William- you shouldn't be sorry. You did nothing wrong- you were curious. I get it. It's just, next time you want to know something about *my* life- just ask me. Besides, that way you'll get an actual truthful answer."
"I- umm.. ok" he finished then looked at her apologetically. He cleared his throat, "Do you still have that headache because there's a diner right around the corner and I'd like to buy you a cup of coffee so we can talk. I'm still curious about a few things."
She cocked her head to the side and a small smile was on her face when she answered, "Sure- I'd like that."
~^~**~^~
Willow sat on her bed, hugging the pillow tight to her body, a million thoughts racing through her mind. She was feeling so many emotions all at once. She had a long talk with William at the diner, both confessing their feelings about the whole situation. He finally understood her point of view and vice versa. She no longer felt awkward around him. He was so different from Spike. He wasn't afraid to feel. He was sweet, caring, understanding and most of all- he *got* her. He knew where she was coming from and that was what mattered to her the most. She brought her hand up to comb her hair and let out a small groan. <Oh Goddess- I'm falling for him>
~Part: 9~
Willow pushed the covers down with her feet and then crawled into bed. She stared up at the ceiling, her thoughts still jumbled and confused. <I can't believe I'm falling for him> She groaned out loud. <This is so not of the good> She had finally just gotten over Spike and now she was falling for William, his human counterpart. <What is it with me and the choosing of the wrong guys? Not only is he *not* interested in you- he has bigger issues to deal with right now.. like how he's human instead of a vampire> "Urghhh!!" She dropped her arms onto the bed deflatedly and closed her eyes tightly, <Just don't tell him about it- you can't let him know. If you do, it's only gonna screw everything up again> Willow bit her lower lip, unsure if that was the best decision, but after running it through her head a couple more times, her decision was made.
~^~**~^~
"You have seriously got to get out more" Willow said, laughing.
William looked at her with a raised eyebrow, "Well, considering how I've been working for the Council for the past couple of months- you could really cut me some slack."
She nodded, "Alright- alright. I'll give you that one but come on now- I can't believe you haven't seen a movie in over 2 months! Even people who work for the Council have time to go out and watch a movie once in awhile."
"Not this Council worker."
She let out a small laugh, "Well, that's all going to change today, Mr. Ramsey."
"Oh really? And why's this, Ms. Rosenberg" there was a teasing glint in his eyes.
"Cuz I'm taking you to see the funniest movie that's out these days, well, at the second reel theatres at least."
He rose an eyebrow, "And which movie is this?"
"Austin Powers 3- Goldmember!" She nearly squealed and William shot her a suspicious look.
"Should I be worried?"
"Why, of course not!" she stated in a mock shocked tone.
"Yeah, ok, I'm worried."
She let out a giggle as they continued to walk towards the movie theatre, "Nice to know you trust me so much" She continued in a dry tone, "Does wonders for the ego by the way."
He stopped her and looked into her eyes and spoke quietly, "I do trust you."
Willow froze, her body was screaming for her to just lean up and kiss him but her mind won. She cleared her throat, purposely ruining the moment, and then leaned back on her heel. "We better get to the movie theater- don't want to be late."
Through the walk there, the waiting in line, and the getting of the seats only a few words were exchanged between the two. Willow was mentally slapping herself for making it awkward again and William was trying to figure out what he did wrong. <Maybe she's not interested> When the movie started, he tried to pay attention.. but he couldn't. His attention was focused on the redheaded woman next to him, the one he wanted to love- but he knew would never love him in return.
~^~**~^~
"Hey guys!" Willow chirped as she walked into Giles's apartment. She glanced at the group but when her eyes landed on William she quickly turned the other way. She mentally slapped herself again for the millionth time that week for her non-subtlety and then turned to face Giles. Seeing the look on his face she asked cautiously, "Something wrong?"
"I got a call from a" he paused, "friend today. Found out some new information about William" he glanced at the person spoken, "and his current condition. Apparently, it's the result of a spell."
"What?" Willow asked confused. "Are you saying they tested some spell on Spike- and it worked and it made him into a human?" She let out an unconvinced laugh, "That's not possible."
Giles looked at her and then at the rest of the group, "Yes, it is. Because he is living proof, that it worked. I believe this" he paused again, "friend of mine. He wouldn't lie about something of this sort."
"I don't get it. Why would they do something like this?" The confused slayer asked.
"Well, you'll be able to get the answers directly from the person or actually, people that casted the spell." Giles looked to his watch, "Should've been here by now actually."
"Giles, why didn't you tell us this earlier?" Buffy demanded.
"Well, considering how I didn't receive the phone call until an hour ago, I really didn't know about it did I?"
The slayer backed off, <Whoa- Giles just snapped at me! I didn't realize Giles could snap!>
"I'm sorry" he apologized, "I'm just a tad bit.. frustrated with this whole situation"
"Uh huh" Xander repeated slowly, he was dying to say something but he knew better to keep his mouth shut- especially if Giles was in a semi-Ripper mode.
William looked at the Watcher, "Can they reverse the spell?"
"Most likely, I don't doubt my friend's power."
Willow's face fell when those words came out of William's mouth, <He wants to reverse the spell. He doesn't like his life as of now.. he doesn't like his life with me in it.>
The next 20 minutes was spent in silence as each person in the room was still processing all the newly learned information. The knock at the door came as no surprise but Buffy still jumped when she heard it. Figuring she already had an idea as to who was on the other side. She jumped up and headed for the door. Before Giles could stop her, she flung open the door and her eyes bulged out as she saw who was there.
"Ethan Rayne?!?!"
~Part: 10~
Buffy turned back around to face Giles, the shocked look still on her face. "Ethan Rayne? *That's* who your friend is???"
"Of course, he's the only conniving pillock that would be able to pull something like this off." After a few moments with Buffy still standing in the doorway, blocking the new guests' path, Giles spoke up again, "Buffy, would you mind letting them in?"
"You want me to let them in *here*? Are you crazy, Giles? Do you not remember the whole band candy thing or maybe the time when he turned us into our costumes?" She nearly growled out the last part.
"Yes, Buffy- I do realize all the destruction and mayhem that he's caused in the past but if you want to figure *any* of this out- then you will let him in."
She turned to face Ethan and the stranger behind him and said sternly, "Nothing funny!"
Ethan nodded with a grin and then walked in when Buffy moved out of the way. "Nice to know your Slayer is still so amiable, Ripper."
Giles moved to his liquor cabinet and grabbed a bottle of scotch. "Start explaining Ethan."
"Where are your manners? Don't you want to meet my acquaintance first?"
His voice had a teasing tone that annoyed Giles down to his very core but the Watcher held himself back and nodded.
Ethan turned dramatically towards his partner and said, "Well, then- this is the ever lovely-"
Before he could finish his announcement the lady spoken of rolled her eyes and pushed passed him, "Cut the crap, Ethan! I'm Scarlet Elson. Friends call me Letty." She was dressed in a light blue button down shirt that was slightly unbuttoned, revealing a white tube top underneath. The indigo jeans that were paired with the tops were a perfect match to the outfit. Her light brown hair was done up messily in a clip and pieces of her hair fell down to frame her face. In the American language, simply put, she was hot.
"Well, Letty" Xander began, intrigued by the brunette that stood in front of him. "I'm Xander"
Scarlet turned to face him with an amused look, "You're not my friend, so stick with the real name." She faced Giles, "Not to sound like a bitch, but I'd really like to get this over with." She sighed, "So ask your questions because I know you have a whole lot of them."
Buffy grinned at the new girl, liking her spunkiness, "I'm Buffy." The Slayer reached out her hand to give Scarlet a handshake and she took it with a smile.
"The Slayer- right?"
"Yup"
"And I'm Willow"
Scarlet's blue eyes traveled to the redhead and her grin grew, "Love the name"
Willow let out a small laugh, "Thanks."
The brunette then turned to the man that was standing by the couch and looked him in the eye, "And of course, William the Bloody or better known as Spike."
William looked at her, completely shocked, "Letty- you.. you were my friend.. I thought you- how- you did this to me??"
"Correction- *he* did this to you- I was tricked into it." She shot a glare at Ethan.
"I did no such thing"
The sarcasm was obvious in her voice when she replied, "Oh yes- because lying to me, multiple times not to mention has absolutely *nothing* to do with tricking me at all."
"Ok, this is getting even more confusing by the minute. Could you guys actually explain like everything for the ones that have no clue what's going on here?" Buffy asked, raising her hand to get everyone's attention.
"Yeah, Ethan- why don't you start it off?" Scarlet turned to him with a sickeningly sweet smile.
~^~**~^~
"I found you one night, completely sloshed, in London of all places. I decided to take you back to my little home, thinking I could figure out something to do with you. When we got back to my flat, guess whose message just happened to be the first on my machine? Ms. Elson's of course." He turned to her, "We were working on a project- to restore a vampire to what they were, human." Ethan turned to William, "She called me to tell me that she thought she had figured out the last part to the spell. When she came over the next day she gave me this entire speech about how it was morally wrong," he held up his hands and opened and closed them many times, mocking her, "She handed me the spell and told me that she felt that if I still wanted to go through with it, I could but without her help. Of course, I couldn't handle a spell like that all alone- I needed her power, so I guess on a certain level I tricked her into it."
"Stupid bastard" Scarlet mumbled under her breath, "He told me that we should at least "test" it once to see if we could at least call out the powers and I knew he wouldn't stop hounding me about it unless I agreed and so I did help him. Little did I know he had William the Bloody in the other room, tied up and gagged."
Ethan grinned again, reminding several others in the room of the Chesire cat, "Well, she got her revenge though. After the spell was finished she heard a muffled scream from the other room and she went to check it out. I knew I should've tightened that gag," he shrugged, "But I didn't. And so a couple days afterwards, Little Miss Perfect here broke into my flat, took him away, and did only Satan knows what else with him."
"The spell was to restore you to what you were, so all your memories were in the time period of centuries before, when you were still human. So, I did a memory spell on you, altering your memories." Scarlet looked up guiltily, "It was the only choice I had left, I couldn't let you stay with *him* and so one night I got some of my actor friends to pretend that they were vampires after a victim and placed you there so you could `save' him and in reward for your bravery, was a job at the `Council.'"
Xander interrupted her with a question, "How could someone `pretend' they were a vampire? Wouldn't it be kind of obvious- you know? What with a heartbeat and all?"
"Glamour spell" Willow answered for Scarlet. The brunette gave her a surprised smile but then shook it off.
"It took me awhile but I finally tracked down your surroundings before Ethan went and screwed you over and so I sent you back here, to where you belonged. And that was when Ethan found me again." She held out her hands, "And that basically brings us up to the present."
"Why would you reveal this information to us, Ethan? You must have some type of ulterior motive." Giles asked suspiciously.
"Ripper, Ripper, Ripper. I would think you would have more faith in me." Ethan looked at him and seeing the look on the Watcher's face he added, "Guess not then. Well, Ms. Elson here made me a deal. See, when she kidnapped William she also took that damn spell along with her and so in turn for my help and extreme kindness to reverse the damn thing, she will give me the spell that she has. The one that's *mine*!"
"Are you sure that's such a good idea?" Buffy asked, worried.
Scarlet let out a sigh, "It's the only way to right what's wrong and besides, I was going to give it to him in the first place." She turned to William, "I can get the spell ready within 2 days, all up to you now."
The room turned towards William, waiting for his response.