Parts: 21 - 26 (end)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~Part: 21~
Eric sat at the edge of the bed, fully clothed as he watched Allyson sleep. He brushed away a strand of her hair covering her beautiful face and let out a deep sigh. He hated this. It was always the hardest part, saying goodbye and leaving. But he wouldn’t wake her; it would only make everything worse. They said their goodbye last night and now it was time for him to leave. She knew as well as he did that when she woke up in the morning, he wouldn’t be there. He *couldn’t* be there. Their relationship was officially over. After everything that he had done, he was surprised she even let him be so intimate with her. But, that was Allyson.
And that was why he loved her so much, for everything and all that she was. But, he couldn’t stay, as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t stay. Last night was a silent promise between them both and it wasn’t something they could continue. He had already told himself that he needed to go back to Wolfram & Hart, not only to protect her but to protect himself as well. He couldn’t stay around her, he was too much of a danger and she herself was a danger also. She was the one that could make him feel. She had too much control over him.
Right now, he needed as much control over himself as he could get. He needed to figure things out, figure out his life and maybe, in the distant future, they would meet again. Standing up, he sighed and grabbed his jacket off the chair and gave her a quick peck on the cheek, knowing that if he stayed in her presence any longer, his resolve would break. Walking to the door and shutting it as quietly as he could, he whispered his goodbye, his fists tightening as he walked down the hallway.
At the quiet click, Allyson’s eyes shot open as she sat up on the bed, holding the sheets close to her heart. The heart that lay at Eric’s feet, bruised and broken.
~^~**~^~
It felt like she was falling.
A dark haze covered her as she reached out, clawing for something to hold on to, something to prevent her from crashing into the sea of darkness below. She felt a tight grip on her wrist, saving her and giving her support yet not hurting her. Feeling herself being pulled up, Willow opened her eyes and looked around the room in confusion. It was the same room from one of her earlier memories. The stone walls and the overall effect of the dimly lit room were starting to get her a little nervous. Something wasn’t right about this situation and when she whipped around when she heard a noise, she saw why. It was that man, Xander, the one who she had a strong pull towards. He lay unconscious on the large bed, head bloodied, face pale. When she turned around again, she was face to face to Spike.
It was him, yet it wasn’t all at the same time. He seemed different. A bad kind of different.
Gasping and taking a step back, Willow felt his hand on her arm, strong and domineering. Feeling her body being pulled towards him, she felt like a rag doll with no control over her body. He was so much stronger then her and there was nothing she could do to stop him even if she did want to. Looking into his eyes, she realized that this man was not the same as the one that she was acquainted with now; this was what he was like when he let his demon take over. Before she could put any more thought into it, she saw that his mouth was moving, the words blurring into garbled noises before he kissed her hard.
A flash of pain went through her as she felt the grip loosen and she collapsed onto the ground but this time, when she opened her eyes, she was no longer in that same room. She was in the bedroom of Spike’s apartment and she was lying on a bed caressed by silk. Feeling a sudden surge of desire go through her, she raised her eyes, seeing Spike began to come towards her, a mischievous smile on his face as he moved closer and closer. The sheets were bunched up under her hands as she took a few shallow pants, awaiting for the ravishing that was to come.
And, suddenly, blackness consumed her yet again, as another memory poured forth. Opening her eyes, she saw that she was still covered in black, no light, no color whatsoever but she heard voices. Her own and Spike’s.
“You have to tell them.”
“It’s not that simple, there are… complications.”
“I know but that doesn’t give you an excuse; we’ve been hiding it for too long.”
“Why are you so eager to let my friends know anyway? I mean, it’s not like you even like them.”
“You know why, Willow.”
“Why? Tell me why.”
There was a short pause, “Because I am tired of hiding it. Are you ashamed of this relationship? Is that why you’re so reluctant to tell them?”
“No, I’m not,” her own voice faltered, “I just… I already know how they’re going to react and I don’t want to go through that. I like what we have right now. There’s just happiness and fun and nothing else is getting in the way. If I tell them, it’ll all be gone.”
“No, it won’t,” she could hear the intensity in his voice, “Their reaction will not affect how I feel about you.”
This time, when the darkness fell over her and she opened her eyes, Willow knew she was back in reality and that for now, the flashbacks had stopped. Pushing herself up onto her elbows, she looked up and saw that she was lying on Spike, his face only a few inches away from hers. Gasping, she quickly pulled back but found herself trapped in his arms. Biting her lip, she tried her best to maneuver her way out of his arms without waking him but to no avail. Feeling him shift, she inhaled sharply and felt herself being pushed into the mattress, Spike’s body moving right on top of hers. Closing her eyes at the compromising position, Willow took in a calming breath before her eyes shot open, feeling Spike’s hands travel up her body as she heard his mumbled words.
“Love you so much.”
His eyes were still closed and Willow was having a hard time figuring out if he was truly asleep or if he was just taking the chance to feel her up. Gently nudging him, she realized that maybe he really was asleep. Feeling his lips on her neck, she gasped before hearing his next words.
“Don’t ever leave me again.”
The sharp tears stung at her eyes as she suddenly felt a wave of emotion pour through her, the words cracking a bit of the wall that the spell had built. Taking in another sharp breath, Willow clamped her eyes shut, scattered images running through her mind. Spike kissing her, holding her, giving her support, whispering the three little words in her ear, making her laugh, singing to her, making love to her, and just loving her, period. Willow brought the back of her hand up to wipe away the tears, her elbow accidentally bumping the side of his head, effectively waking him out of his Willow-filled dream though she didn’t notice it herself until she felt him move above her. She could feel his eyes on her and when she met his crystal blue orbs, Willow choked back a sob before bringing her hand up to the side of his face, saying quietly, “I’m so sorry.”
A look of confusion etched across his face before realization dawned. She remembered.
He remained quiet for a few moments before shaking his head and kissing her on the cheek, “Don’t be.”
“I’ve let you suffer so—”
Spike held a finger to her lips, “Don’t.” Replacing his finger with his lips, he kissed her softly yet insistently, only hoping silently that she would grant him permission to once again enter her heart.
And, she did.
~Part: 22~
Allyson sat frozen on the bed clutching onto the sheets as if they were life itself. Eric was gone. Truly and completely gone. In a few hours, he would be back at his job at Wolfram & Hart and she would be just a part of his past, a soon to be faded memory. And, it didn’t bother her. It didn’t have any effect on her at all. She felt.. nothing. Completely numb. She simply remained sitting, staring at the glaring white of the wall, no thoughts going through her head.
She was so tired of getting hurt. She was supposed to be smart, independent and responsible and somehow, she managed to get herself into these messy situations. Why? It was because of love. Love was a weakness. It was the reason she felt pain. It was the reason her heart was broken. And, it was the reason why she didn’t trust herself anymore. So, the easiest way was to just push it all away. To feel nothing. And, that was exactly what she did. She shut herself down.
Allyson pushed the sheets off her body and got off the bed, pulling on a pair of sweatpants and oversized t-shirt. As she made the bed, she didn’t think of Eric and how much she should be hating him. She didn’t think of the day ahead where she would have to face the consequences of her choice, should she choose to divulge the information. She didn’t think about the explanations she had to give. She didn’t think about anything.
All she cared about at the moment was making the bed and then taking a shower. Walking into the bathroom, she turned on the sink and splashed a handful of water on her face, her skin not feeling the tingle of the cold water or the warm sun pouring through the windows. Getting into the shower, she didn’t feel the scalding water pound down on her skin as she washed her hair. She didn’t feel the cool air enveloping her body as she grabbed for a towel.
She didn’t feel anything.
~^~**~^~
Willow pulled back from the kiss, licking her lips, savoring the taste that was Spike and the feel of his strong arms around him. This, this was what she had been needing and craving. This. Spike.
If she could ever sum up perfection in one word, it was just that, Spike. Perfection. Keeping her eyes closed, Willow suddenly realized that it was the first time in awhile that she felt safe and protected. That she felt wanted and that for once, she wasn’t dreading the day to come or the memories of her past. She had finally gained peace of mind.
Her emotions for Spike provided her with a strong link to her past. She remembered everything about their relationship and now, she truly understood what he meant by being lost and consumed. Because it was true: he was consumed, as was she. A soft calm rested over her body as she opened her eyes slowly, raising her head slightly to meet his inquiring eyes. Not knowing what to say or how to respond to such an earth shattering kiss, she settled for smiling. Not a fake, I’m-fine-but-I’m-really-not or a I-don’t-know-what-else-to-do-so-I’ll-just-smile smiles. No, it was real.
The connection between them, that was real as well. And now, she knew that.
“What are you thinking about?”
Smiling yet again, Willow said softly, “A lot of things. My past and what happened between us, it’s all coming back to me.”
Spike smirked before raising an eyebrow, “I’m supposing it’s a good thing, then?”
“Oh, yeah, definitely of the good.” After a few moments of silence, Willow finally asked, “Did you know?”
“Know what?”
“That this would happen? That I’d get my memory back of us and well, you know, feel everything again.” She drifted off slightly, the emotions rushing forth once again, “I can feel,” her voice cracked a bit, “everything. It’s like I’m reliving it all again.”
Brushing a strand of hair out of her face, he leaned down to kiss her forehead before moving off of her and onto his side. “I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure of anything really. All I knew was that you were gone and we had you back physically but not mentally. I think that hurt even more then having you gone completely.”
“So, you didn’t know?”
“No, I didn’t.”
Willow nodded, feeling a pang of guilt for causing all the worrying and sadness, “I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
Letting out a deep sigh, she said, “For so much. This is all my fault. I mean, everything happened because of me. I should’ve done something.”
Spike looked at her incredulously, “You lost your memory. You couldn’t do anything. You were incapable.”
Not believing into his words, she argued, “I could’ve done *something*. But, no, I just sat there, being all, not remember-y and moping. I think I brooded more then Angel in those few weeks.”
Despite the name, Spike laughed and shook his head. Reaching out, he caressed her cheek and leaned in, giving her a soft kiss.
Willow grinned goofily as she pulled back, “What was that for?”
Still holding her cheek in his hand, he said softly, “For coming back to me.”
~^~**~^~
Angel looked around the darkened room and let out an unneeded sigh. Sometimes he really hated the darkness. It was bad enough that nowadays he spent the majority, if not all, of his time repenting and brooding over his past but he had to physically enveloped in darkness as well. Getting off the bed, he reached across the table and grabbed an ice tin. Lifting off the lid, he shook his head in annoyance. The ice had melted and his blood was going to go bad if he didn’t get more. Knowing it was still early in the morning, he grabbed a medium sized blanket that was draped on the sofa couch and stepped out the door, being careful not to get in contact with any sunlight. He was so involved in his movements, he never noticed or saw the person walking down the hallway until he heard the sharp intake of breath.
Raising his eyes, the dark chocolate brown immediately turned yellow as he growled, “Eric.”
~Part: 23~
He was going to die. He knew it. The feral look in the vampire’s eyes gave it all away. The scene of his death was going to be in a middle of a hotel hallway. Eric wasn’t stupid nor was he oblivious. He saw the glances that Angel kept giving Allyson and the glares Angel shot at him. Angel cared about Allyson and the vampire also hated him. Judging by the growl that erupted from Angel’s mouth, he obviously hated him with a fiery passion. Taking a few tentative steps back, Eric held up his hands and smiled nervously, not knowing what to do next.
“H-Hi Angel.”
What else could he possibly say? Please don’t kill me? No, that probably wouldn’t go over that well. Before he could put any more thoughts into the subject, he felt his body being lifted off the ground and a steel grip surround his neck. All of a sudden, he felt the air rush out of his lungs as he struggled to breathe. The scratchy surface of the hotel wallpaper rubbed against his neck as his feet dangled below him. Instinctively, his hands went to Angel’s grip as he tried to pry the vampire’s hand away from his neck. “C-Can’t breathe.”
Angel slammed the back of Eric’s head against the wall as he growled, “Do you know how tempted I am to just let you suffocate?” Removing his hand, Eric’s body fell limply to the ground and the young man took in a few gasping breaths, clawing at the carpet beneath him. “But, I can’t because it’s not my place to do so, it’s-“ he paused. The vampire raised his nose in the air, a mix of scents rolling off of Eric wafting over him. The heavy scent of sex mixed in with tears. Tears that didn’t come from the quivering man below him, tears that came from, “Allyson,” he whispered. The yellow entered Angel’s eyes again as he reached down and grabbed Eric by his shirt, throwing him against the wall, “You hurt her.”
“What? No, I,” Eric paused, knowing that he really did hurt Allyson emotionally.
“Did you force her?” Angel demanded as he took a step closer, his stature threatening.
“What?” Eric asked in confusion before realization hit him, “No, no! Of course I didn’t force her. I could never do that to her. To anyone.”
“I’m having a hard time believing anything is beneath you,” Angel said in disgust before he stepped back, further into the shadows. The vampire looked away, his demon screaming to drag the young man into his room for hours upon hours of slow torture but he repressed it and said, “Leave. Now. Never come back. Never contact her. Never show your face around me or her. I want you gone.”
Slightly ashamed of his cowardice, Eric nodded profusely and backed away, his hands in the air, “I’m sorry.”
Giving him another look of disgust, Angel grabbed his ice bucket and walked down the hallway, never looking back.
~^~**~^~
Allyson looked up from putting on her lotion when she heard the gentle knock on the door. Wrapping a towel around herself, she opened the door, no surprise or happiness at seeing who it was at the door. Leaning against the door, Allyson said evenly, “Angel.”
The vampire stepped to the side, avoiding the streams of sunlight pouring out from the hotel room and looked Allyson in the eye, “Hi.” His eyes traveled down and saw that she was only wrapped in a towel, her wet hair caressing her smooth shoulders. Taking a large gulp, he suddenly realized why Eric couldn’t resist. This woman in front of him truly was a goddess. The sunlight hit her hair exactly the right way and her brown locks sparkled in front of him. Trying to regain proper thought, he shook his head and said, “Are you okay?”
“Fine,” she replied, not making any movement to invite him in or closing the door so he wouldn’t be burned.
Angel raised an eyebrow at her answer, knowing that it wasn’t the truth. He pushed a little further, expecting a reaction from her as he said the next words, “I saw Eric.”
She paused for a few moments before saying, “Okay.”
“Did he hurt you?”
Allyson leaned her head against the side of the door before shrugging, “Does it matter?”
Angel’s eyes got wide at hearing this question, “Yes, of course it matters.”
Her reply was simple, “Oh.”
“Allyson,” Angel took a step forward, his eyes serious, “W-“
Before he could finish, Allyson took a step back and opened the door farther causing more streams of sunlight to pour through into the hallway. Angel quickly skittered back into the shadows, looking at her, pain in his eyes.
“I have to go get dressed,” she said in a monotone. And, with that, she closed the door.
~^~**~^~
Angel leaned back against the wall, the darkness surrounding him as he felt a coldness settle over him. Something was wrong. Something was very very wrong. The person he had just barely come in contact with before was not the same person that he talked to only a night before. Eric, the scumbag and piece of… Angel paused, knowing that he could not blame everything on the man. True, Eric had done a lot to destroy things but in a way, Allyson welcomed it. He said it himself that he didn’t force her, and Angel knew he was telling the truth. But, why? That was the question, why would she possibly welcome it? It wasn’t as if Allyson wasn’t a smart woman. She was confident, headstrong, and the last person Angel would ever imagine to give into someone like Eric.. but, she did.
The woman he saw only a few moments before was the shattered pieces of what she was before. The woman he saw was not Allyson. It was someone whose heart was too broken. Perhaps, too broken to be mended.
~^~**~^~
Willow opened her eyes groggily and was met with the hazy face of a sleeping Spike. Smiling, she gave him a gentle kiss on the lips before turning and facing the draped-covered window, little bits of sunlight pouring through the cracks. Getting up and making sure that none would travel in to burn her beloved, she looked towards the clock and saw the time. Groaning, she reached for the phone and punched in a few digits before saying, “Hi, Room 217, please.” Walking into the living room, Willow waited for the transfer before she heard Allyson’s voice come through.
“Hello?”
“Hey Ally,” Willow said, the smile obvious in her tone.
“Hey.”
“I overslept, I’m sorry. It’s already 4:30. Anyhow, I think we’re meeting at Giles’s apartment in about an hour.”
“Okay.”
“Can you get there?”
“Yeah.”
Willow frowned at the lack of answer, “Are you okay?”
“Fine.”
“Why all the one word answers?”
“I have to go.”
“Ally, are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
Still frowning, Willow paused before saying softly, “Is it Eric?”
“No.”
“Oh,” Willow replied in defeat, “Umm, well, if you want to talk, just well, call me, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Well, I guess I’ll talk-“ Click. Willow stared at the phone in surprise. Allyson had just hung up on her. Allyson had never once been mean to her, she had been forward and honest but never mean. Something was wrong.
~^~**~^~
Willow continued to stare at the phone, a part of her not understanding what had just happened and yet, another part somehow realizing the harsh truth. The messy relationship that Eric and Allyson had had somehow come to a brutal end. What else could it have been? Letting out a heavy sigh, Willow began to walk towards the bedroom before she held her hand to her head, a violent memory crashing forth in her mind.
~”Get away from me!” Willow screamed, the tears streaming down her face.
“You have to let me explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain. I saw it all,” she gasped loudly, her hands in front of her, preventing Spike from coming any further towards her. “Just leave me alone.”
“Willow, please, it’s not what-“
“Don’t say that!” She sobbed, “You’re lying to me. I know you’re lying-“ Through hazy tear stained eyes, Willow saw the oncoming figure of Drusilla. She stumbled backwards a few steps before falling to the ground.~
The phone fell onto the carpet floor as Willow returned back to reality, grabbing at her head, wishing for the pain to stop. She collapsed onto the floor, a groan escaping from her lips as the sharp stabs of pain continued to invade her mind.
~ “Do you love him?”
Willow looked at Buffy in surprise, “Of course I do. Buffy, you know that.”
“Do you love me?”
“You’re my best friend. You always will be.”
“Always?” Buffy asked softly, “Promise?” ~
Willow grabbed at the carpet, her knuckles turning white as she tried her best to get to her feet. But, every time she managed to get off the ground, another sharp stab of pain would hit her. Gasping, Willow closed her eyes, the darkness surrounding her before it all suddenly ended. After a few moments, Willow opened her eyes, salty tears stinging her eyes as she got to her feet, her balance wavering. Feeling a bit lightheaded, her eyes rolled back as she collapsed yet again, but this time, straight into the arms of Spike. The vampire looked down at her, worried, he shook her a few times before picking her body up into his arms and walking into the bedroom, laying her on the bed.
Silently, he sat by her, caressing her hair, a part of him knowing that he had lost her yet again.
~Part: 24~
Allyson walked into the hallway, wrapping her jacket around her as she kept her head down. She heard a door click behind her and inside, she already knew who it was, it was Angel. The vampire just had that whole perfect timing thing going for him. Letting out a sigh, she quickened her steps and stabbed at the down button, wishing for the elevator to hurry up. She knew that he would expect some sort of confrontation she just wasn't ready to give. Sitting alone in an empty hotel room in the afternoon did things to you. And, while she still felt the loneliness inside, the numbing had subsided and the pain was slowly beginning to seep in. In other words, she was extremely vulnerable, and Angel would know that and use it to his advantage. He was like that, helping the helpless.
"Are you going to attack me?"
Surprised at the question, Allyson turned around, "What?"
"Are you going to attack me again? I'm not exactly a masochist here."
Allyson looked down and bit her lip, wrapping the jacket even tighter around herself, "No, I'm not. I'm sorry about that. I just… I wasn't myself."
"I noticed."
She turned back around and let out a sigh of relief when the elevator dinged and the doors opened. Silently damning the empty elevator, she walked in and quickly pressed the lobby button before retreating back to the far corner, wanting to keep as much distance between her and Angel as possible.
"Are you afraid of me?"
Her head shot up at the sudden question and Allyson's eyes got wide, "What? No, why would I be-"
"Look at yourself."
The three simple words broke through her haze and Allyson felt the sharp sting of tears in her eyes before she sniffled and wiped away the salty liquid. "I'm tr-trying to d-deal. I'm," she paused, "I'm trying." She looked down at her clasped hands, "He's gone. He's really, really gone and he's never coming back. I-I k-know that now. And, I'm j-just trying to deal."
"He's not worth it."
Allyson looked up and rolled her eyes before shaking her head, "To me he was. I know I shouldn't get this riled up over a guy. I mean, heck, I always used to yell at my friends about this. If he makes you cry, then he's not worth it." She shook her head in shame, "Easier said then done. I just- I just want to forget. But, I can't. He's Eric. That seems to make all the difference."
Hearing the bell ding once again, Allyson wrapped the jacket even tighter around herself. Her knuckles turned white as she clutched at her forearms. Stepping out into the lobby, she walked quickly out of the hotel and into the parking lot, stopping and closing her eyes, feeling the warm Southern California wind surround her. She felt Angel's presence near her as she opened her eyes and said, "He took the car. I need to ride with you."
Nodding silently, Angel walked to his car, not checking to see if she would follow, but knowing inside that she would. Unlocking the door, he got into the driver's seat and waited. A few moments later, the door opened and Allyson slid in, quiet. They both remained in silence for a few minutes before Allyson finally spoke, "You want to talk, don’t you?"
Angel nodded, "Yeah, I do. I know you're hurting."
She let out a small laugh, "Good call."
"And, you bottled yourself up. Not a good idea."
"I d-didn't." Allyson paused, "I didn't bottle myself up. I just... I stopped feeling. It seemed so much easier."
"What do you mean?"
"You've been around a heck of a lot longer then I have. You must know what I mean. To stop feeling everything. Put all your emotions on hold. I stopped myself from feeling anything anymore. And it was relieving to just not feel the pain anymore, but also frightening. Do you know what it's like to feel absolutely nothing at all? No remorse, pain, happiness… just nothing. That's what I felt. I felt nothing. And," she paused again, "that scares me. That I'm capable of doing that. I shouldn't be able to do that. I can't do that. Ever again."
Angel nodded as he turned to her, "I know."
She smiled wryly, "Still with the one word answers, ehh?"
"Two words."
"You're improving."
Angel smiled before he said, "I want to help you."
"What do you mean?"
"You know you have to go back to LA. Willow, she belongs here in Sunnydale. But, you don't. You belong in LA. So do I. I want to help you when we get back there."
Allyson shook her head frantically, "No, Willow needs my help, she's my best-"
"I know. But you know as well as I do that she belongs here. And she is your best friend, and you're her best friend, but you need to let her go. Let her adjust and get familiar with her past again."
"But, she-"
Angel looked at her and said matter-of-factly, "You need her as much as she needs you."
Allyson turned away at the insightful comment. "Yeah, I guess I do."
"I understand that. But, I'm here for you. I'll be here to help you move on."
"Why would you want to help me? I haven't exactly been the nicest to you."
Angel grinned. "Okay, so maybe I'm a bit of a masochist then."
Letting out a laugh, Allyson shook her head and sighed. "Thank you for doing this. I know you don't have to."
Angel smiled and started the car, "I want to."
~^~**~^~
Spike gently wrapped his hand around Willow's, reveling in the radiating warmth. He let out a heavy sigh, knowing that the next few hours would be tough, a lot tougher then he wanted. She would find out the truth. The truth about it all. The truth about why they didn't tell Angel the whole story. The truth about why, when Willow's memory was first taken away, she didn't come to him. The truth about the reason why his whole world was going to collapse around him.
It was a stupid, stupid mistake. A fleeting fancy, an emotion that he should've just thrown away as unimportant. But he, as usual, had to blow it way out of proportion. He started to imagine, to think, to wonder that perhaps things could go a different way. The curiosity grew to a challenge and soon enough, an obsession. He, Spike, the killer of two Slayers, to not only have a new found obsession with the current Slayer, but this Slayer was also the best friend of the woman that he loved. The woman that he loved beyond reason. But, he wasn't perfect. He was partly human and had many flaws. And so, while a part of him was content with Willow, the other more curious part had wondered what it would be like, to truly dominate a Slayer.
Challenge, enticement, it all rolled around him like a poisonous blanket. One that he fell into and wrapped around him, all too easily. And, with one forceful kiss, it all fell away. His life, his world, his Willow.
Gone.
~Part: 25~
Allyson sat awkwardly in Giles' living room, feeling uncomfortable that Willow wasn't there yet. She knew that she wasn't early, in fact, she and Angel had run a bit late but still, Willow wasn't here. An uneasy feeling settled in her stomach as she glanced at the clock for the fifth time in three minutes. Clearing her throat, Allyson scratched the back of her arm and said, "Maybe we should call her."
"Who?" Buffy asked, looking up from sorting through a pile of books.
"Willow," Allyson stated obviously, "Who else?"
Buffy raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, "She's only a few minutes late."
"23 minutes to be exact," Allyson corrected before sitting up straight.
"Okay, fine, she's only 23 minutes late."
Allyson stared at her incredulously, "Weren't you the one who was all worried about her being," she paused and gestured, "attacked or something?"
"And, weren't you the one who told me to let her take care of herself?"
Allyson paused and sighed, "I'm just worried."
"I know you are, but Spike's with her." Buffy looked up and shook her head, "Oh, god, I can't believe I just said that."
"What?"
"Spike isn't someone I trust, but ever since Willow disappeared, it's like he's changed completely."
"In a good way or a bad way?"
Buffy shrugged uncomfortably, "I'm the Slayer and I don't really like him all that much. He can never be 'good'," she did air quotes, "in my mind. But, I guess better." She stopped and looked down, "Definitely better."
Allyson studied the blonde, feeling there was something that she just wasn't telling her. From the beginning, it was obvious there was heavy tension between Buffy and Spike, but now, talking to Buffy one on one, Allyson got the feeling that something just wasn't right. Something just felt wrong. "How was he like before then?"
Buffy looked up surprised, "What?"
"Before? Spike, how was he like before?"
"He was," Buffy clasped her hands together, "manipulative and deceitful."
Allyson nodded her head, "Uh huh."
"He had this allure about him. Almost like a control over you," her voice dropped to a whisper. "He could make you do things that you know you shouldn't."
Allyson raised an eyebrow. "You're making him sound like some kind of mind bender."
"He was."
"Personal experience?"
"What?" Buffy asked, alarmed at the question.
"Personal experience?" Allyson repeated, seeing the look on Buffy's face, she nodded, "I'll take that as a yes."
"What? No, I didn't have any experience, whatsoever, none," she said hurriedly.
"You're a very bad liar."
"No, no experience."
"I'm not convinced. I think I covered that with the bad liar part."
Buffy looked down and sighed, running her hand through her hair, "You don't know what happened before, Allyson, so don't assume."
"I'm not assuming anything. I didn't ask for you to tell me anything about this personal experience of yours and I'm not going to. It has nothing to do with Willow and so it doesn't concern me."
Buffy nodded hurriedly and gulped, "Right, nothing to do with Willow," she looked away and shook her head, "Nothing at all."
~^~**~^~
Angel lifted the last of the books out of Giles' car and placed them on the sidewalk and sat down by the curb.
"Tired?" The Watcher asked him.
"No, I just want to talk."
"Really? What about?"
"I know we've never been friends, Rupert, but I've always known you to be honest with me," Angel paused, "Sometimes even too honest."
Giles nodded, waiting for him to continue.
"What happened before?"
"What do you mean?"
"What happened here in Sunnydale, before, during, and after Drusilla? I've only got bits and pieces of information and I want to know the whole story, truthfully, you're the only one who can give me that."
Giles sat back slightly and cleared his throat, "There had been some," he stopped, looking for the right word, "tensions."
"Tensions?"
"Between Willow, Spike, and Buffy. Willow and Spike, their relationship was never truly accepted by everyone, myself included. We were worried but I knew that the girl loved him, she truly did."
"Why the past tense?"
Giles looked down, cursing the vampire's insightful ability, "Because, the tensions grew and afterwards there was just catastrophe."
"Catastrophe?" Angel repeated, "That word coming from you is never good."
"None of us knew until after, but there were some hidden problems between the three. I don't think Willow knew until that night as well."
"Knew about what?"
"A liaison of sorts."
"Liaison? Between who?"
Giles remained quiet and paid close attention to the sidewalk by him, "I believe you already know the answer."
Angel's eyes hardened as he stood up, taking the books with him as he walked back to Giles' apartment. The old man sat by, watching the vampire before shaking his head, "So consumed in love and revenge."
~Part: 26~
Allyson was just about to stand up when she heard Angel rush through the door, carelessly tossing the books onto the table as he neared Buffy, his whole stature threatening, his fists clenched at his sides. "I know what I promised, Buffy. And, I know what I said. I wasn't going to be involved in that part of your life but I didn't think you would just," he paused before he bit out, "abuse my promise like that."
Buffy's eyes got wide as she backed away unintentionally before her face hardened, "You're right, Angel, it's my life. And, they're my choices. You know that. You stepped out of my life and you have no right to tell me what to do and what not to do."
"I agree," he spat, "but, when you cross the line and your actions affect others around you, others like your best friend, then I will not just stand around and watch."
"You have no idea what has been happening in my life," Buffy yelled, "or anybody in Sunnydale's life. You don't know *anything*."
"I know what you did to Willow. I know what you and Spike *both* did to Willow."
"Tell me, Angel," Buffy said shakily, the tears slipping from her eyes, "Please *tell* me what I did. *Tell* me about how I broke my best friend's heart and almost got her killed. Please, *tell* me how I destroyed the one thing that was truly good in her life. Go right ahead and *tell* me about how I abused her trust and ruined our friendship." Buffy backed away, running into the couch, "Go ahead. Tell me everything."
Angel stared at her, his face blank though his eyes were stormy. After a short pause, he unclenched his fists and took a step back, slightly defeated.
Buffy sniffled though she never made a move to wipe away the tears. "Tell me. Please," she said as her voice cracked. "Tell me."
Allyson stood by, shocked and frozen at the scene that had just occurred. Bits and pieces of earlier conversations began to form together and finally, she understood, "Personal experience," she whispered, "You hurt her," she said simply.
Buffy looked up through hooded eyes and sniffled again, "I know."
"How could you-" Allyson stopped herself, "How could you do something like that? I thought she was your best friend. How could you hurt your best friend like that?"
Buffy wiped the tears away harshly and said through clenched teeth, "You don't know me." She said coldly, "You don't know anything about me so you have *no* right to judge or question anything that I did." She turned to Angel, her eyes watering again, "But, I know I made a mistake. Believe me, I know it. I just-I just can't-"
Allyson shook her head in disgust, "My god, this isn't about *you*." She emphasized, "You say I have no right and maybe I don't, but right now I'm beyond caring. What the hell did you do?"
"It was with Spike," Angel offered quietly, the blank face still on.
"I kinda figured. Did you sleep with him?"
"No!" Buffy said quickly, "I just kissed him. It was just a kiss."
"Just a kiss," Allyson repeated incredulously, "A peck on the cheek kiss or a full out passionate tongue kiss?" Buffy looked down automatically and Allyson crossed her arms and said condescendingly, "I'm guessing the latter, then."
Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat and held her hand in front of her. "I know it was wrong, but it'll never happen again. God, it was wrong to begin with."
Allyson interrupted before she could get any further, "Did you have feelings for him?"
"What?"
"Feelings," Allyson repeated, watching Angel's reaction carefully.
"No," Buffy said quietly, "I didn't."
"My god," the brunette said loudly before shaking her head and saying in frustration, "Do you *ever* stop lying?"
"I didn't and I don't," Buffy protested. "I couldn't feel something for him," she said in disgust, "Not for something like him."
"Thing?" Allyson asked. "He's not a thing, Buffy. A part of him is a person. Just like Angel."
"I am nothing like Spike!" Angel protested before quieting down and crossing his arms.
"Why are you defending him? And, why are you attacking me? Kissing usually involves two people and he's the other party in this."
"I'm not defending him," Allyson raised her hands and took a step back, "Hell, I don’t know what I'm doing anymore and I honestly don't care. I just want to talk to Willow."
"She's not here."
"Thank you, Ms. State-the-obvious," Allyson snapped before turning on her heel and grabbing Angel's keys off the table, "Whatever problems you two need to take care of, deal with it. I'm going to find Willow."
"You don't know where she lives," Angel said coolly as he stood in front of Buffy, his back still turned.
"I'll figure it out."
~^~**~^~
Willow moaned as the haze began to dissipate around her, and as she opened her eyes, the image of Spike began to form in front of her. "Hmm, Spike," she raised her hand to her forehead as a barrage of images flooded her mind, wafting over her like a rush of chilling water. She turned her head away from him as a few tears slipped from her eyes.
Spike reached out, wanting to touch her, hold her, comfort her. He wanted to whisper sweet nothings into her ear and just have her once again, but all these thoughts were quickly shot down with a few simple words whispered from her mouth.
"Don't touch me."
His face hardened as he swallowed and stood up, taking a few steps back, "You remember all of it then?"
"Yes," she whispered hoarsely, "I do." She continued to stare at the curtain covered window, "You lied to me."
"I did," he replied simply.
"You made me believe-"
"I know."
"Please go away."
Spike's jaw clenched as he forced his body to turn, this was what he had to do. She didn’t want him anymore, not after knowing the truth. Not after knowing what and who he really was. He wasn't capable of being with someone like her. Nor was he worthy. They had given it a shot and what had happened? He ruined it. He destroyed a part of her that he could never get back and with that, he destroyed a part of himself. It was just a kiss, he kept telling himself, just a kiss.
But, even Spike knew that it was more than just a kiss. It resembled so much more. It resembled the flaws that he had as a demon and as a man. It resembled his infidelity and his weakness. It resembled the disunity in their relationship. It resembled all that he wanted to erase. He just wanted to go back, go back to a simpler time when Willow was his and his alone. He knew now what to do and what not to do. And, he made a silent promise to himself that he would never hurt her if he got another chance. Looking back at her sadly, he realized that he didn't have another chance. He probably didn't even deserve another chance.
That didn't mean he wouldn't try for one though.
~^~**~^~
Angel stared at Buffy who was simply looking down at the ground. "Do you have anything to say to me?"
Buffy continued to look down, "What do you want me to say, Angel? Whatever I do say, it won't be to your liking. There's nothing I *can* say to fix anything. It's all out now. The truth. The dirty little secret that we've hidden from you," she said, contempt in her voice. "I know I screwed up, okay?"
"Do you, Buffy?" Angel asked, "Do you really? If you really did, you wouldn't be talking to me like that."
Buffy lifted her arms in frustration, "You see, this is what I mean. No matter what I say or do, you'll be against it. There' s no winning with you."
"This isn't some kind of game. This involves emotions and feelings of people that are close to you."
"I know. God, I already *know* all of this. I've thought about this for so long already and I know I screwed up. I admit it, but I'm not perfect. I make mistakes and I know it's not an excuse, but there's nothing else I can do." Her voice rose, "Nothing I say or do can make it right."
Angel quieted down and leaned against the table, arms crossed. "This takes time, Buffy."
"I know it does but I just want it to be over. The guilt, the pain, the distrust. I just want it back. I want to take it all back and god…I just wish I had another chance."
"But, you don't."
Buffy sighed before nodding, "I know that. I know I don't. But, I still want one." She paused, "I just want to make things okay again."
~^~**~^~
Allyson walked down the steps and into the courtyard. She took a deep sigh and sat on the lawn chair, wondering what she was doing. Only a few hours ago was she drowning in denial and pain, and now she was trying to become someone she knew she wasn't. Buffy was right, she didn't have any right to judge anybody. She herself was not a perfect example of any sort. She made mistakes, just like everybody else. Just like Buffy.
Allyson looked down at her feet and leaned forward before pushing the hair out of her face. When did things get so complicated? She used to have so much control over everything and now, it was all slipping away. She was losing control, she was losing everything. She was losing her footing and the world around her was just becoming one big chaotic mess and there was nothing she could do about it.
For the first time in her life, she was utterly puzzled. Never before had the situations in her life been so gray. It used to be black and white, so simple and easy to solve. And now, there were layers that she needed to dig into. There was so much that she needed to know and so much that she didn't know.
And, a part of her just wished things could be simple again. She just wanted it to go away. She just wanted to go back to before when things were good. Eric may have been lying to her, but she was happy. They were happy. She was blissfully in love, naïve, but still, happy. She didn't feel so much pain, regret, and contempt. She didn't feel so much negativity towards the world around her.
Allyson bit back the tears as she sighed.
She just wanted to be happy again.
~^~**~^~
Spike walked down the street, scattered thoughts forming in his head. For once in his life, he wished he possessed magical powers. To have the ability to turn back time would make everything so much easier but alas, he didn't. And, there was no way he could. He knew that with magic, there would always be consequences, but none of that mattered anymore. All that mattered to him was getting Willow back. He had her, for a few short and sweet hours, he did have, her but as soon as she was back, she was gone yet again. And now, he just wanted her back in his arms, by his side, just with him where she was safe. Where she would be safe for eternity. But, she would never be his again, not anymore. Spike looked down and growled before slamming his fist into the wall. Not even bothering to look at his now bloodied hand, his eyes narrowed in on the sign, 'Magic store.'
He pushed away the whispering voice inside of him, telling him not to go inside and did so anyway. Walking in, he looked around quickly before walking towards the back, into the magic books section. After a few minutes of skimming, Spike looked up, slightly surprised to see the store owner standing in front of him. He wasn't human, that much the vampire knew. If he was, Spike would've been able to sense a heartbeat. So, what was he then, a demon? Well, it didn't make much of a difference anymore.
"Can I help you?"
"I'm looking for a book."
The owner looked down at the scattered books Spike had dropped on the floor and quirked a smile, "I see that. Anything in particular?"
"Time travel, jumping dimensions, anything of that sort?'
"Looking to do a little traveling, ehh?" He asked, slightly amused.
"Do you know anything that I can do?" Spike demanded.
"I'm afraid not. I don't offer those services to a vampire."
Spike looked up, growling, "A bit hypocritical coming from someone like you. What are you anyway? You're not human. I know that much."
"Good call. I'm Kekoad."
"Is that a demon?"
"Why does everyone just assume something that's not a warlock, human, or vampire is automatically a demon?"
"What. Are. You?" Spike asked forcefully.
"Obviously patience is not among your qualities." The Kekoad commented before replying, "I'm what you call a controller."
"A what?"
"I can control certain things. Move them, to my wishes of course."
"I don't follow."
He raised an eyebrow, "Not entirely surprising. To explain what I am in my entirety would take far too long. Judging by your actions and your words, I assume you're in a hurry."
"Good call," Spike mocked his earlier words. "Can you help me?"
"Perhaps," he replied.
"What do you mean, 'perhaps'?"
"I mean perhaps," the Kekoad said simply before walking around Spike, circling him. "Hmm, maybe I can."
"How?"
"Have you ever heard of voudraing?"
"Some ancient thing involving borrowing or sharing of sorts, right?"
"Right," the Kekoad replied with a sly smile. "Now," he lifted his hand and placed his palm on Spike's forehead.
Feeling a slight jolt, Spike stepped back quickly and held his hand to his forehead, glaring at the Kekoad, "What was that?"
"Ahhh, love. One of the most powerful emotions in the world, it drives you to do the craziest things, ehh? Like the want to turn back time."
"How did you..."
"Controller, remember that." The Kekoad replied. "I can give you what you want."
"You what?"
"I can give you what you want," he said again. "Just remember, with every choice comes consequences that you must accept. I can give you the power to revisit your past. You will go through it all again, almost like a video tape. You can stop, rewind, fast forward. I will share with you the power to control."
"Voudraing."
"Very good. However, this is only revisiting, you will not affect the world around you and vice versa."
"That'll-"
"I know, it'll do you no good. You *want* to change things. Very well. Once you've reached a certain time period that you like, you may jump into that time, but once you do, you cannot return, you must live it out, unless you choose to jump dimensions, going back even farther or further in the future. Do you understand?"
"So, basically, I can't visit the same time period twice."
"Ahh, you're a smart one."
"What are you getting out of this?" Spike asked suspiciously.
"Immortality."
"What?"
"Your immortality, the more times you jump and change, the more power you will take from me and in turn yourself."
"So, the more power I take from you, the more you take from me."
The Kekoad smiled and nodded. "Very, very good." He paused and clasped his hands together. "Should I give you time to contemplate over your decision?"
Spike paused and looked down at his bloodied hand. "I'll do it."
~^~**~^~
The Kekoad grinned widely and stepped forward, "Very well. You may feel a tiny tingly sensation."
"Wait a second," Spike backed away and held his hands up. "Don't you need any of your magic mojo?"
"You underestimate my power," he said simply. "I am beyond the need for ingredients and prayers to the gods and goddesses. I have the control over it, no need to ask for it."
Knowing that there were many risks to his choice, Spike paused again and looked down, seriously thinking over his choice.
"Having second thoughts?" The Kekoad asked. "You're willing to risk all this," he motioned to their surroundings, "for a girl?"
"She's worth it," Spike whispered before nodding his consent.
Smiling yet again, the Kekoad moved forward and placed his hands around Spike's forehead. The vampire's head shot back, feeling the energy drain from him, yet at the same time being filled with a new sense of power, something foreign, dark, dangerous, and new. He felt the power of the demon within weaken and the man push forth. He struggled to keep his eyes open as the bookshelves began to mold into one large swaying object and the power gradually fade away.
And through the whole thing, never once was he scared. He wasn't doubtful despite the risks. He remembered the smile on Willow's face when he made her happy. He remembered the way she would say his name when he did something embarrassing. He remembered the way she whispered 'I love you' when they made love. And, mostly, he remembered the life that she gave him when they were together.
For her. This was all for her. And, for her, he would do anything.
The End