~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~Part: 11~
Willow walked down the streets of Sunnydale, alternating between sighing and shaking her head. She definitely needed to cool off. It was almost ironic the polar differences between Spike and William. Vampire. Human. Blonde. Brunette. Cold. Loving.
But, whenever she was around either of them, she was always pushed to the edge. In Spike’s case, she wanted nothing more then to push him up against the wall and slap him. William, however, was different. She was always teetering on the edge of emotions with him. He made her feel. He made her feel so much more then she had before. And that, whether she wanted to admit it or not, scared her.
Every single being that she loved, she always managed to lose in some way. Oz, Tara, Buffy. Her head snapped up. Tara. The blonde witch was still alive. She was still here. She was in the summer before they brought Buffy back and so Tara had to still be alive. Oh, crap. How was she going to face her?
She had to admit, her feelings for the blonde had dulled over time. She had finally accepted that the girl was truly gone, no matter how much she wanted to change it. But now, her past was crashing down around her. She would have to see her again. Be in contact with her.
How the heck was she going to pull that off? Willow sighed, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe Tara wouldn’t even be here. Maybe she left. Ha, wishful thinking.
Her green eyes looked up and saw that she was in front of the Magic Box. She steeled herself, preparing for whatever was to come.
She walked in and closed the door. The only sound in the room was the jingling of the bell attached to the door.
“Willow,” Giles said with a smile. “We were just about to go look for you.”
All the memories bombarded her all at once.
She remembered her life here. Her life on the Hellmouth. When she was in that alternate reality, it all seemed so far away. And, here she was. Reliving it all. Without Buffy. Without support. Completely alone.
She managed to stutter, “W-Why?”
“W-We w-w-were worried,” Tara said softly. She tried to catch Willow’s gaze but the redhead was avoiding it.
Willow bit her lip and looked up, staring at Tara. Oh God, here she was. Alive, healthy, smiling, and looking at her with love. She breathed in deeply, trying to hold back the tears that were stinging her eyes.
Spike looked at the exchange between the two witches suspiciously. He smelled the tears that Willow was trying so hard to hold back. She was hiding something again. Seeing that Willow was close to cracking, he cut in, “Alright, so we found the damn witch. Well, she found us. I’m tired of you lot. I’m going to walk her home. Make sure the baddies don’t get her.”
“Look, Junior, how do you know she’s so eager to leave? She just got here,” Xander began.
Willow cut him off, “I am kinda tired, Xan. I just wanted to come here to umm.. check in.” She looked down, “Yeah.”
Spike held back the smirk that was beginning to form and walked over to Willow, gently touching her shoulder. She looked up and saw his expression. She had to tell him. If she didn’t, she knew that he’d do something that was going to make everything worse.
They left silently, without a goodbye.
Anya glanced at the closed door and then back at the group, “Well, that was weird.”
~^~**~^~
Willow tapped her fingers against the doorknob and leaned the side of her head against the window. Why did she agree to this? Oh, yeah. She didn’t. Faith did.
She glanced at the brunette who was currently engaged in a lively conversation with Xander. Well, at least someone was having fun. A couple of minutes had passed though it felt like hours. Where was this restaurant anyway?
She let out a sigh and looked up at the rearview mirror, catching William’s gaze. Oh, god. She wanted to break away from it but she couldn’t. He held her there, and she was powerless. She hated that with just one look he could do that to her. He shouldn’t have that power over her. But he did.
He smiled at her but she kept her blank expression on. She couldn’t give in. Not this soon. Willing herself to look away, she did and bit her lip. God, she missed him. He was only a foot away and if she reached out her arm, she could touch him. Hold him. Kiss him. Just be in contact with him.
Nothing was holding her back. Nothing. Except her own torturous mind.
~Part: 12~
They walked silently for a few minutes before Spike finally gave up.
“Alright, I know you’re hiding something so come on, out with it.”
Willow glared at him, “You have no respect for privacy, you know that?”
“Oh, Red, how you wound me with your words.” Spike replied flatly, he raised an eyebrow, looking at her expectantly.
She sighed, “Ok, this is kinda long so just shut up and let me explain it.” She turned to him, “Deal?”
“Whatever.”
“I’m from the future,” She held her hand up and pointed an accusing finger at him, “Shush.” Her green eyes scanned the scenery around her, “About a year or so from now. We were fighting the First Evil. It’s unbeatable. And so, I did a spell to take me back to this time to prevent.. stuff from happening.”
He put his hand on her shoulder to stop her. Willow jumped at the sudden touch, trying not to react to it. She forced out, “What?”
“What kind of stuff?”
She looked away and shrugged his hand off, “Boy, you just don’t miss a thing do you?”
“Willow.”
“Buffy.”
“What?”
“Buffy. I-I brought her back.”
“You *what*?”
“From the dead. I thought- I thought she was in a hell dimension the last time around and so I did a spell to bring her back from the dead.” She shook her head, “In the end, I think it did more harm then good.”
Spike stopped walking altogether, “You can bring her back? You have the power to do that?”
Willow nodded sadly, “I have the power to destroy the world.” She added softly, “Almost did.”
“What?”
She snapped out of her thoughts, “That’s not a part of the story. Where was I?”
“You came back here to bring Buffy back.”
“No, I came back here to make sure I wouldn’t do that.”
“Why?”
“She’s- She’s the reason why the First rose again. And, we couldn’t fight it. It was the only choice left.”
He stared at her incredulously, “She sacrificed herself.. again?”
Willow couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, “Yeah, she did. And, it hurts because I know I can bring her back here. But, I can’t. I have to stop it. She’s happy where she is.” The redhead began to mumble, “She was in heaven. And I ripped her out of there. She was in so much pain. And, it was all my fault. I shouldn’t have messed with it. But, I did. And, after that I still didn’t learn my lesson. I screwed up, Spike.” She looked up at him with teary eyes, “I really did.” She hugged herself tightly, “I just wanted to make things better.”
Spike moved towards her hesitantly and after seeing that she wasn’t moving. He held her, gently caressing her hair, “Shhh, Willow, it’s alright.” He had no idea what she was talking about but whatever it was, it was obviously upsetting her. He leaned his cheek against the top of her head, momentarily reveling in the feel of the warmth that was radiating off of her. Suddenly, his head snapped up. Crap. Vampires. “Red, we’ve got company.”
Willow pushed herself out of Spike’s arms and dried her eyes. Seeing the small group of vampires in front of her, she sighed and waited for them to attack.
Spike watched in shock as one idiot vampire attacked the redhead. What was she doing? Couldn’t she just conjure up some type of energy force and dust them all? Was she actually going to try to fight them off?
Spike did not having enough time to concentrate on his thoughts and questions due to the attacking vampires. He quickly snapped off a branch from the tree near by and staked one. He fought with the other for a few moments before staking it. He wasn’t in the mood for games. Spike whipped around looking for Willow. What he saw was not what he expected. Willow was in the middle of the street, fending off two vampires. And she was doing a hell of a job. He saw her deliver a roundhouse kick straight into the abdomen of one vamp while staking the other. She punched the remaining vampire in the face causing him to stumble back against the wall. Without so much as a second spared, she staked him.
Willow turned around and saw Spike staring at her in awe. She sighed and shrugged. Great, more explanations.
“What was that?”
She looked up at the sky, “It’s got more to do with the spell that I did to bring me back here. See, I didn’t exactly arrive here first. I had a little detour.”
“Right,” Spike said softly, “Let me guess. Something to do with William.”
Willow gripped the stake in her hand tightly, “Yeah, something to do with him.”
~^~**~^~
Faith gave the redhead a gentle shove, trying to wake her up, “Come on, girlie, we’re here.”
Willow blinked a few times before she finally woke up, “What?”
“Lunch, restaurant, here.”
“Oh,” she whispered before getting out of the car and shutting it with her back. She rubbed her eyes and when she opened them, her jaw dropped in shock. “What-What are we doing here?”
Faith smiled at her, “Lunch.”
“B-B-But we don’t have time for this. We’ve got classes to teach.”
“You seem to be forgetting that it’s Monday, sweetheart, no afternoon classes.”
Willow stared at the rolling waves, “You planned this.” There was no accusation in her tone, she was merely stating a fact.
“Yup,” Faith grinned. “I know you’re probably pissed. But, it’s for your own good. I should know; I’m the best friend.”
The redhead simply nodded and walked to the table without a word. She stared at her plate while everybody viewed their menus, obviously trying to ignore the awkward silence. When the bread finally came, she snatched a piece, hoping for some kind of distraction.
“And, miss? What will you have?” The waitress asked with a smile.
“Uhh,” Willow stared at the menu before William cut in.
“Chicken Scampi, light on the olive oil, please.” He smiled at the waitress who couldn’t help but smile like an idiot back.
Willow put down her knife and settled for tearing the bread. She stuck a piece in her mouth and looked out at the ocean. Ripping another piece off of her bread, she continued to eat it without actually making eye contact with William.
Faith leaned in and whispered in Willow’s ear, “A bit antsy, are we?”
Willow let out a nervous laugh and took a sip of water, “Of course not.”
“Then why are you attacking your bread?”
The redhead sighed, “I’m not. It’s just hard to,” she rolled her eyes, knowing there wasn’t any point to lying to Faith, “Yeah, you got me.”
Faith grinned, “Relax.”
Willow placed her hands in her lap and closed her eyes. As if on cue, a light breeze swept through the restaurant and gently combed her hair.
William could only stare at her, stunned by her beauty.
~Part: 13~
“So, who was he?”
She sighed, “He’s you. Except not.”
“What?”
“He’s an alternate version of you.” Willow glanced at Spike and saw his look of confusion. “Yeah, believe me. I was surprised too.”
“You love me? I mean, him?”
She looked away and blinked back the tears, “Yeah, I do.” The redhead cleared her throat, “The spell I did originally screwed up somehow. There weren’t any vampires or Slayers in that universe.” She whispered quietly, “It was perfect.”
“Well, if it was perfect then why’d you come back? I know the Hellmouth may have its charms but it’s nowhere near perfection.”
“I had to.”
“You what?”
“Buffy.. she visited me and told me that I had to come back. I would restore the balance or something like that.”
“Buffy visited you?” He looked confused for a moment before everything clicked, “The Powers That Be sent her?”
“Yeah.”
“How did you get back?”
“I did another spell. The Willow that was supposed to be in that universe got sent here somehow. I sent her back. So, now, everything’s right again. Right where they’re supposed to be.”
Spike glanced at her and saw the pain in the depths of her eyes. There was still a lot more that she wasn’t sharing with him. But, he knew that if he pushed any further, she would shut him out completely. It was obvious that she needed someone to talk to. After all, she was hanging on by a thread.
~^~**~^~
William looked at the picture perfect scene before him. The sun was still shining brightly, its rays gleaming down on the waves of the ocean. The clear blue water was glistening with beauty. Everything around him was calm and peaceful. If only he could be too.
He shouldn’t have come back here so soon. Every step he took, he was reminded of the other Willow. He remembered how he professed his love to her under the moonlight. He remembered the kisses, the love, the intimacy. He remembered everything.
His feelings for the two were mixing together and he couldn’t tell between the two anymore. Confusion didn’t even begin to describe how he was feeling. There was only one thing he was sure of.
His Willow was back and she loved him.
But, was that enough?
~^~**~^~
Faith held onto Xander’s hand, feeling the hairs on the back of her neck rise. The butterflies in her stomach were fluttering more then ever. But, she kept the cool smile on her face and leaned into his warm body.
Willow was walking behind them, hating the awkwardness of being the third wheel. But, she still didn’t want to go talk to William. She was brave in many aspects but relationship wise, a big no. She still wasn’t sure of his feelings towards her. She knew that he loved her; that was a definite. But, was it as strong a love as she felt towards him? Did the mere presence of her make his knees go weak and his throat dry?
Faith glanced back at Willow and saw the faraway look in her eyes. She was thinking again. Damn. That girl thought too much. She cleared her throat, hoping to catch the redhead’s attention. When she finally did, she mouthed, ‘go talk to him’.
Willow shook her head furiously and mouthed back, ‘no’.
Xander smiled at Faith and Willow’s silent conversation. “You know, I’m not a complete idiot. You can talk about William if you want to.”
Faith grinned, “Go Will, talk to him.”
The redhead bit her lip, “I don’t know.”
“Go,” The brunette pointed towards William. “Now.”
Willow sighed and started to walk towards him. She looked back and saw that Faith was still standing there, pointing. A small smile slipped from her lips as she turned around and continued walking.
~^~**~^~
Willow leaned against the door of the Summers residence. “Thanks for walking me back, Spike.”
He nodded his goodbye. When he got to the base of the stairs, he turned back, seeing that Willow was about to close the door, “Red?”
She looked up at him, “Yeah?”
“If you ever need to talk, I’m here. I won’t force it anymore. You’ve explained enough.”
A tired smile formed on her lips, “Thanks, Spike.”
“G’night, Willow.”
“Bye.”
~Part: 14~
Willow sat on the edge of the bed with her head in her hands. She ran her fingers through her hair and tried to organize her thoughts. Ever since arriving back here, she knew she’d have to explain her situation to someone. She learned from past experiences that keeping things in was not the best choice. But, she had no idea that the someone she’d be telling everything to would be Spike.
Spike. The undead version of her lover. Ex-lover.
She still couldn’t get it through her heart that she and William would never be together again. A part of her just didn’t want to accept it. Feeling the tears rise again, she made no move to push them down. She needed to cry. She couldn’t hold it in anymore.
What was he doing right now? Was he feeling the same anguish that she was? Or did he move on already? The questions passed through her mind but she found no answers, just closed doors in the long hallway of purgatory.
She crawled under the covers and tried to ignore the feeling of coldness that enveloped her. It was so tempting, to just give in and block out all feeling. But, numbing herself was not an option. She had seen what that had done to Buffy. In the end, she’d only be destroying a part of herself.
Or, maybe, that part was already destroyed. Right now, she was just picking up the left over pieces, few as they may be. Faith had said it would be hard. But, the redhead had no idea it’d be *this* hard.
She wished she had been selfish. Just that once, she wished she could’ve just given in and stayed there. But, she didn’t. The choice was made and done. And there was nothing she could do about it now.
The salty drops of pain continue to flow but there was no sound in the room. None until the door opened and shut quietly.
Willow bit her lip and closed her eyes tightly, hoping that Tara would buy her sleeping act.
The blonde slid onto the bed and rubbed her hand over Willow’s arm. She must’ve felt the muscles bunching up, “Willow? Baby?”
The redhead adamantly kept her eyes shut and didn’t reply.
A frown passed over Tara’s face as she continue to caress Willow’s arm, “I-I know you’re awake, Willow.”
She sighed and stared blankly at the lamp on the night table, “I’m tired, sweetie.”
“Is something wrong?”
“No,” she answered automatically, the dullness obvious in her voice.
Tara got off the bed, stood up, and turned on the light, “You’ve been i-ignoring m-m-me.”
Willow rolled her body to face the blonde’s direction and tried not to flinch at the sight of her.
“D-Did I do something?”
“No,” The redhead pushed the covers off of her and clasped her hands together as she sat up in the bed, “You didn’t do anything.”
“T-Then, what is it?”
She hung her head down, “It’s nothing.”
Tara leaned against the wall behind her, unable to understand why Willow was lying to her. What was going on?
Willow looked down at her hands and tried to control her tone when she said these next words, “I think we should take a break.”
The blonde’s head shot up in surprise, “W-W-What? W-Why?”
Willow kept her eyes on the wall in front of her, “Things have changed. There are just-“ she paused, “It’s for the best.” <I don’t want you to die. Not because of me.>
Tara stared at her, her expression showing shock and pain. The moisture left her throat as she began to pack hurriedly. “A-Are you even going to stop me?”
Willow shook her head and continued to look down.
Tara sighed and gathered up the rest of her necessities. “I-I,” she paused, “Willow, p-please, j-just look at me.”
The redhead slowly lifted her head and steeled herself, not wanting to cry in front of her.
“I love you,” Tara whispered.
Willow gripped the sheets tighter, “I’m sorry.”
The blonde looked at her incredulously before turning around and walking out, not bothering to shut the door.
The redhead remained frozen, no thoughts going through her mind.
~^~**~^~
“’Ello, luv.”
Willow stared at William with nervous eyes, “I-umm-I think we need to talk.”
He smiled at her, “You know, nothing good ever follows after that sentence.”
“Well,” she sat down next to him, “Hopefully this will be different.”
“So, you’re actually going to talk to me and not try to hurt me?”
“What do you mean?”
“I thought you were mad.”
She sighed and stared at the mixing colors of the sky in front of them. “Not mad, mostly just confused.”
“You think I have all the answers?”
She turned to him and relaxed almost instantly when their eyes met, “Not all but at least some.”
He rested his head against his joined hands, “So, interrogation time?”
She grinned and moved so she was resting her head against her open palm, “I don’t want to know what happened between you two.” She looked down, “I don’t think I could listen to you without being overcome with jealousy. All I want to know is how you feel right now.”
“You just don’t start off with the easy ones, do you?”
“William, please.”
He lifted her chin with his forefinger, “I love you. I always will, no matter what happens. I’m just,” he let out a large sigh, “So confused right now. The feelings that I have for you, I know they’re real. But, I can’t tell which feelings are for who. That’s probably not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth.”
“So, you love me. But, you also love her.”
He looked her in the eye, “I think I’d love you in any form.” William reached out and touched her chest, holding his hand right over her heart, “You should know by now, luv, I’m powerless when it comes to you. Any you.”
Willow leaned forward slowly and touched his lips with her own. Never before did she feel so complete.
~^~**~^~
Faith stared at the kissing couple with an impish grin, “About damn time.”
“Come on, it’s not polite to watch.”
She snorted, “Please, like I care.” She slapped him in the chest, “Like *you* care.”
“Faith, there are a few things a best friend doesn’t need to see. One of them being *that*,” he pointed at the pair and shuddered.
“What? I think it’s sweet.”
“They’re practically devouring each other.”
Faith pulled his head down and kissed him before he could make a move. She pulled back with a wicked smile, “Not a bad thing.”
~^~**~^~
She couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t feel. Willow got off the bed and began to pace around the room. Repeatedly, she pinched herself, trying to feel *something* but nothing could fill the emptiness she felt inside. The repercussions of what she had just done still didn’t hit her yet. If they did, she’d be shedding some tears right about now. Or, maybe they already did and she was dealing with them right now. She shook her head, goddess, she was confused.
Grabbing a jacket out of her closet, she walked out of her room and headed for the one place that she could go to now. Spike’s crypt.
~^~**~^~
The pounding on the door didn’t scare him. He had heard a steady heartbeat in front of his crypt for several minutes and had been expecting some sort of initiation of contact, but none was made, until now. He got off his sarcophagus and whipped the door open, surprised to see the redhead standing there in her pajamas, staring at him with a blank expression.
“Willow?” He didn’t bother to hide the confusion in his voice.
“I-I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”
The vampire nodded and motioned for her to come inside, “You must be bloody freezing by now. What were you doing outside at this time of night, pet? What happened?” He handed her a blanket and she wrapped it around herself thankfully.
“I did it.”
“Did what?”
“I broke up with Tara.”
He stared at her incredulously, “Why?”
“I had to.” She looked at the wall, “I wish I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. I wish that I still felt something for her, something deep. I wish that I didn’t know that if she stayed with me, she’d die.” Her voice cracked, “I wish I didn’t fall in love with William. I wish that the pain inside me would just stop.” She swallowed the lump in her throat, “I wish that it didn’t feel like I’m dying.”
Spike quickly rushed to her side and hugged her tightly, not knowing what else to do. They remained like that for a few moments, quiet and in each other’s embrace.
She pulled away with trembling hands, “I wish you’d stop caring.”
“W-Why?”
“Because, maybe after that *I* could stop caring. Nobody would care. Maybe, it will just go away.”
A tear slipped from her eyes and he raised his hand and brushed it away gently, “It won’t ever go away. It’ll always be with you.”
She shook her head, “I don’t want it to.”
“Sometimes we just don’t have control over that. Our feelings have a mind of their own.”
The redhead leaned her forehead against his chest, “I don’t want to feel anymore, Spike. Just for tonight, I just want it to stop. Let me have some peace.”
He stood there silently, his arms still around her, “Whatever you want, pet, whatever you want.”
The End