E-mail : willow_red_2002@yahoo.com
Feedback : Please? On list or by private e-mail.
Pairings : W/S.
Rating : PG-13
Spoilers : Nothing that is specific to any episodes.
Summary : Spike's thoughts after "Crush". Sequel to "Crush"
Time line: Takes place mid-season 4.
Disclaimer : These characters belong to Mutant Enemy, Inc and 20th Century Fox Television. No infringement is intended.
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Jerk. Bastard. Idiot.
All three of those apply to me. I know I hurt her by sending her away like that.
I didn't *want* to hurt her. Willow, with those soft eyes and soft words, who has never been anything but decent towards me...No, I didn't want to hurt her.
But she had to understand. I can't be getting involved with a human; and I sure as hell am not getting my heart broken again. As if there's anything even left of my heart after Dru smashed it to pieces.
Okay, that's a lie. There *must* be something left, otherwise seeing her on my couch making out with something that looked like me but wasn't wouldn't have felt like being stabbed in the gut. It made me shocked, sick, disgusted, turned on, and jealous all in the space of a few seconds. Bloody hell - I *was* jealous - of myself! Seeing Willow like that, all lusty...It's like something out of a dream; a fantasy. One of my fantasies.
I may as well just admit it, because this feeling isn't going away, and the only way to get it to go away is to admit it. I. want. her. I *have* wanted her - *something* from her - for weeks now. Getting all broody, frustrated and weepy like the great big Poof. About her. She'll never know just how close I was to breaking that night at Giles', how close I *am* to breaking.
But I can't break; can't be that weak.
Not even for her.
END