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**********
“So what’s it like?” Cordelia asked conspiratorily.
Willow’s fingers stopped moving, poised above the
keyboard in mid-stroke. “What’s what like?” she asked
anxiously.
“You and Angel? We all know what’s going on between
you two. What’s it like?”
“It’s hard to say, Cordy. I know this sounds stupid,
but it’s like a vampire thing. You wouldn’t
understand, even if I knew how to describe it.”
“I don’t care about the bond. I’m wondering if he’s
good in bed.”
“Cordy!” Willow hissed. If she had been able to
blush, she would have been bright red.
Cordelia grinned. “I guess so.” She laughed at the
redhead’s obvious discomfort until Willow started
laughing too.
“Yes. He is. Happy now?”
“Yeah. Are you?”
Willow stopped suddenly, taken aback by the brunette’s
casual question. She stared down at her hands,
wondering how to answer.
In the next room, Angel waited expectantly for her
answer. He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but he knew he
couldn’t leave without hearing the redhead’s response.
“Um, Willow?”
“I, I think so. I mean, it feels right to be with
him, even if sometimes I overthink things too much.”
“Do you love him?” Cordelia asked seriously.
“No,” Willow replied sadly. “I think I will probably
learn to love him someday. But it’s all still so
new.”
“You’re in love with someone else, aren’t you?”
Willow’s head shot up and she stared in disbelief at
the ex-cheerleader. “I kind of suspected it. He
broke your heart, didn’t he? That’s why you came to
LA in the first place.”
Angel’s demon had started to rattle at its cage at the
thought that his childe might be in love with someone
else and not him. But the dark vampire was able to
suppress that jealous urge fairly easily. He
remembered their first night together, how she had
confessed to being in love with another.
“He didn’t mean to,” Willow said softly. “I don’t
think he even knew.”
Angel’s undead heart broke at the sound of the
redhead’s hurt-filled voice as his demon screamed for
vengeance on whomever would dare to hurt his childe.
Angel was tempted to step out and demand the idiot’s
name, but reason overcame emotion and he stepped away
quietly. He would discuss it with Willow later, when
they were alone. He would know the truth, and he
would make sure no one ever hurt her like that again.
“Sorry to have brought it up,” Cordelia said. Her
heart went out to her former enemy as she placed a
reassuring hand on the redhead’s shoulder.
“It’s okay. I’ll get over it eventually, I suppose.”
“Well, if you ever want to talk about it, just let me
know.”
“Thanks, Cordy.” She smiled sweetly at the brunette,
glad the two had become such good friends. “Hey,
aren’t you supposed to be meeting Gunn for lunch?”
“Yeah. I guess I should get going. See you later,
okay?”
“Sure, Cordy. See you both tonight.”
**********
Willow lay curled up next to her sire, her hand
tracing imaginary lines across his bare chest. She
sighed contentedly, still basking in the glow of their
recent coupling.
“Are you tired?” Angel asked.
“Not really,” Willow replied. She watched as her sire
rolled himself onto his side and stared at her.
“What’s wrong?” She could see the concern in his deep
brown eyes.
“What happened in Sunnydale?” Angel asked.
Willow’s face betrayed her surprise at the sudden
question. She started to roll away but was prevented
from doing so by a strong hand. “Willow, I need to
know. I don’t want there to be any secrets between
us. What we have is too important for that.”
“Is keeping secrets going to hurt our bond?” the
redhead asked angrily.
“No, but it can destroy any chance of us building a
relationship to go with the bond.”
Willow sighed heavily. “I fell in love with someone.
It was stupid, but I did. I knew he’d never love me,
but I feel in love with him anyway. So one night I
gathered up the courage to go and talk to him about
it.”
“And,” Angel coaxed.
“And I found him in bed with someone else. Neither of
them knew I was there. I left that night and came
here.”
“Tell me his name, Willow,” Angel said coldly.
“No, I can’t.” Again the redhead tried to pull away.
Angel growled softly and pinned her beneath him.
“Listen to me, Willow. I will never let anyone hurt
you like that again. But I have to know. Who was it?
Xander?”
Willow shook her head sadly. Tears began to form in
her eyes as she remembered that night. Buffy’s head
thrown back in ecstasy, the sounds of sex echoing
through the crypt. Tears spilled down the redhead’s
cheeks and trickled onto the pillow below.
“Tell me,” Angel demanded.
“Spike,” Willow gasped between sobs. “It was Spike.
I fell in love with Spike.”
Angel’s face registered pain and surprise. He rolled
them over and cradled Willow’s head to his neck. “I’m
so sorry, Willow,” he soothed. He held the redhead
tightly as sobs wracked her small body.
“It, it wasn’t just that,” Willow hiccupped. She had
kept it all locked away inside for so long, that her
emotions seemed to spill out uncontrollably. “I could
have understood if it hadn’t been her. I mean, I knew
he’d been sleeping with Harmony. And I figured I
didn’t stand a chance. He was always talking about
how much he hated all of us. But if he hated all of
us so much, why her? Why her?” Willow screamed as she
pounded on his chest.
“Who?” Angel asked, bewildered.
“Buffy!”
Angel froze in shock. Buffy, his former lover, was
sleeping with his arrogant childe. The thought
infuriated the dark vampire, until he remembered the
sobbing redhead in his arms. Willow’s face was
pressed tightly against his neck, her non-existent
breath coming in great gulps. “But I still love him,
Angel. I know I’ll never have him, I know that I
shouldn’t, but I still love him. God, it hurts so
much.” Angel closed his eyes, suppressing his
jealousy to comfort his precious childe.
“I’m so sorry, Willow,” he said. It was pathetically
inadequate, but he couldn’t think of anything else to
say. He held the redhead tightly as she clung to him
desperately.
“Why, Angel? ” she whispered softly.
“I don’t know, Willow. I, I just don’t know.” Angel
was at a complete loss for words, too overwhelmed by
emotions to formulate a coherent thought.
Astonishment and surprise that the sweet, innocent
redhead could have fallen in love with a killer like
Spike. Jealously that Spike could have captured the
redhead’s heart while Angel himself was still on
tentative ground. Sadness and surprise at the
realization that he no longer loved the blond slayer.
“Angel?” the redhead said softly.
“I’m right here,” Angel replied. He held the redhead
tightly, trying to soothe her jangled nerves.
“I’m sorry. For not telling you before.” Willow
sniffled and met Angel’s dark eyes.
“It doesn’t matter, Willow. I should have talked to
you about it before. Besides, the only thing that
matters right now is that you’re here, where you
belong.” Angel kissed the redhead tenderly to
reassure her. “And I won’t ever let anyone hurt you
like that again, Willow. I promise.”
Willow nodded and laid her head back on his chest.
She closed her eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.
Angel, however, remained awake for a long time
afterwards, thinking about what the redhead had told
him. He wondered how it could have happened that
Buffy and Spike could end up together in spite of
their seeming hatred of each other. But a part of him
soon realized that he didn’t really care. All he
cared about was the slight redhead who clung to him
like a lifeline. All he wanted was to make her happy
and keep her safe. And in that light, Buffy didn’t
seem to matter anymore.