Disclaimer: Yes people BtVS * really * does belong to me, what is this Joss guy talking about? Why I ought to sue him.
The Real Disclaimer: BtVS belongs to Joss and whoever else own UPN and WB.
Rating: PG
Summary: Willow, Angel and Spike decided to seek help about their relationship issues.
NOTES: Alt universe. W/A/S are all together, went to LA and are now work for the PTPB
FEEDBACK: This is my first attempt as a silly fic please be kind.
Chapter One: What the Doctor Ordered
"You can come in now", the secretary said using her plump hand to open the door for the threesome. In short order, one cranky red headed witch, and two grumpy master vampires entered the room.
"You two be good. Lorne had to pull and lot of strings to get us in on such short notice." Willow warned.
"I'm *always* good luv, it's Poofy here that always has to start something", Spike said with a smile.
"Don't start with me boy." Angel growled.
"Good morning doctor", Willow said in greeting, ignoring both of her annoying vampires.
"Good morning, please sit down."
The doctor smiled. Willow took the middle seat, Angel took the left and Spike took the right. All three of them quickly inspected the room.
A large oak desk dominated the room. On the wall behind the desk were various awards, the biggest, reading 'To Dr. Serivan for outstanding therapy since 435 BC'. Soft blue curtains dressed the windows and matched the carpet. Last, but not least, there was the stereotypical couch that so many humans and demons told their deepest secrets on.
"So what brings you here?", the Doctor asked.
Willow glared at the vampires. Both males' heads seemed to drop a bit guiltily.
"Well doctor...", Willow began, " a few nights ago we were at Lorne's karaoke bar. There was a Kquzai demon there singing 'It's Raining Men' --"
"He totally butchered the song." Angel interrupted with his expert opinon.
The redhead frowned. "*Anyway*.... after the song was over, he got off stage and started talking to me. Apparently he had heard of me through a witch I know, Tara. One minute he was asking me if I could teach him how to do a levitating spell, and the next... Spike hit him", Willow finished.
"It's the bloody oldest trick in the book", the bleached blond vampire exclaimed. "Oh please teach me how to do magic", Spike mimicked in a teeny voice. "The next thing you know, he wants to get you out of your kickers and something else will be *levitating*".
The witch growled in frustration. "And then, to top it all off, Angel starts in on the poor demon too. He didn't even have a chance", Willow said.
Angel tried to defend himself. "I thought he looked like one of demons I fought from way back."
"Liar! You just didn't want Spike to have all the fun", Willow accused.
Before the bickering could continue, the Doctor interrupted.
"I was under the impression that no violence was tolerated at Lorne's? It's sacred place, under a spell isn't it?", Dr Serivan asked.
"You can't... unless, that is, you're a champion for good. That allows certain rights", Willow explained.
"But", she continued, "The Powers That Be were not too happy when they discovered we were abusing our privileges. Immediately we were brought before them. They practically ordered us to fix our relationship or the fate of the world would be in great peril."
"It bloody well figures our personal problems still revolve around yet *another* bloody apocalypse!", the bleached blond growled in annoyance.
"And what would you say is the problem in your relationship", the doctor asked them.
"Spike of course", Angel answered as if it were obvious.
"The stupid Nancyboy", Spike sneered simultaneously.
"They're both jealous idiots", Willow complained.
"I see...." The doctor said simply, making some notes.
"Alright I would like to try a simple trust test. You know, where one person falls and trust another to catch them." Dr. Serivan cleared his throat. "Okay, uh, Willow, if you please get out of your chair-"
"I'll catch Willow", Spike volunteered.
"No. *I'll* catch Willow", the dark haired vampire said.
"Gentlemen you misunderstand me. I was going to ask Willow to move her chair to the side. This test is intended for the two of you."
"What?", both vampires exclaimed, eyes widening in horror.
Ignoring them, the doctor continued. "Spike you fall, and Angel you will be in charge of catching him." The vampires looked at each other with suspicion, neither one moving.
"Will you two hurry up, we only have an hour", Willow urged.
Finally, Angel slowly moved behind Spike. Grudgingly, he opened his arms.
"This is friggin' ridiculous", Spike complained. "You better catch me Peaches."
"Just fall already", Angel replied, annoyed.
Taking an unneeded breath Spike leaned back and let go. Midway though his fall, Angel's cell phone went off. Thanks to his inhuman speed, his Sire was able to answer the phone just as Spike's head landed on the floor.
"Bloody hell!", Spike raged.
"What? It could have been an emergency", the souled vampire said smirking.
"Who was it?", Willow asked.
"It was Cordy. We ran out of coffee ice cream and pickles. She wants us to pick some up."
"You dropped me on the floor so some silly pregnant chit can have the absolute *worst* flavor of ice cream?", Spike growled even as he threw his first punch.
"Hey coffee ice cream is *good*", Angel said, punching him back, and then throwing Spike across the room, smashing him against all the hard earned awards of Dr. Serivan.
Recovering quickly, Spike rushed Angel, and they fell back onto the opposite wall, tearing the blue curtains from the windows.
"Stop! My office!!", Dr. Serivan cried out.
"Will you two *stop*!!!", Willow screamed, horrified, yet not surprised.
"He started it", Spike said in between punches.
"You did", Angel said while blocking.
Having had enough, Willow recited a spell and threw a bolt of raw power at her lovers, sending them crashing on opposite sides of the room. Unfortunately, that resulted in a demolished couch.
"Doctor we are *really* sorry", Willow apologized. The Doctor simply stood there, mouth agape, completely aghast.
"I make it policy never to say this to my clients, for it is hurtful and unproductive but in this case I will make an exception", the Doctor said through clenched teeth. "You people have real ISSUES!"
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