Anatomy of a Seduction

by Jainie G & Mistress Ace

Chapter 12: Falling Into Grace

Last sweep of the night. Early evening had given way to full-on darkness hours ago. Quiet night in old Sunnydale. The only excitement she'd had was venting her frustrations on Spike's crypt. There hadn't been much to break there, not like her own home or the Magic Box. Buffy hadn't wanted to destroy anything important while she worked out her anger about the loss of Riley... anything of hers that is. Whatever the Big Bad owned was of no consequence to the Slayer.

Most of it was probably stolen anyway...

The talk with Riley had been so civilized, nothing like the gut-wrenching break-up she'd gone through with Angel in the sewer before Senior Prom. Maybe she was getting better at the world-falling-apart-around-her-ears thing after all?

It wasn't like she really loved Riley...

No.

That deep down, tear-your-heart-out kind of love she'd only shared with Angel. But being with the big guy from Iowa had been... nice. Had been comfortable. Something approaching normal. And normal was what she was after, ha d been looking for since the day she was chosen...

Who knows, she might have grown to love him?

All things were possible.

Right?

Not.

In her mind's eye, Buffy saw a brief flash of Angel's beautiful face as he turned away. Her heart took up permanent residence in her throat while she watched him disappear into the smoke left by the still smouldering beams of Sunnydale High. That memory alone reminded Buffy no matter how hard she wanted it, no matter how hard she tried to love someone else...

There was *no* hope of it happening.

And that wasn't fair to Riley. After all, the guy deserved better. He deserved someone who could love with their whole heart... Just like he did. Riley Finn never did anything halfway. When he believed in something, he went for it. Gave it his all...

Something she had admired him for...

Still admired him for.

Buffy found herself on his doorstep, hand raised to knock, waiting to ask for admittance to his home. Sure, they'd had it out already. They'd laid everything on the line at lunch but she wanted to see him. Wanted to look into those warm hazel eyes. Wanted to see that brilliant smile directed at her... Wanted to be welcomed into his home...

One last time.

A cool breeze ruffled her hair as she stood there, debating the wisdom of a visit so soon after their break-up. He'd given her a hopeful look right before she stood up and walked away. One that said 'tell me you love me and I'll stay... I'll do anything'. The urge to lie to him had been there, the urge to take his hand and profess an undying love she didn't feel had been so strong.

To say the words... It was only four little words... 'I love you, Riley.' Saying them to herself was simple; she'd practiced them in the mirror many times. But whenever the subject came up, they stuck in her throat and she couldn't force them past her lips. They were a lie and she'd had enough of lies in her life.

Squaring her shoulders, she dropped her hand and turned away.

Let him have a normal life. Let him find some girl who would love him without reservation. Let him walk away from the horror and destruction that was her everyday existence and be free of it. Let him do better than the rest of her little crew. No werewolves or witches or ex-demons in his bed... No vampires in his heart.

Let him love someone who could love him back.

Willow... Time to go see Willow. Tara had a test to study for tonight so her best friend would be free. Buffy knew she'd find a sympathetic ear there. Willow would greet her with open arms and offers of ice cream and old movies to ease the pain of doing the right thing.

The right thing was what she was doing right now...

Walking away.

---

The old bed-frame groaned, the sound of old, worn joints creaking together... For those who chose to listen long enough, there was a discernable rhythm to those slow, grinding sounds. A bronze slope glimmered, dotted with beads of water and sweat intermingled. Those droplets glittered in the sparse light as they rolled down, gradually being absorbed into warm skin. Their path followed by fingers of a much lighter hue... white, so white... like fine porcelain.

And still the ever-constant wooden cadence... punctuated by soft gasps of delight. Silvery blond locks contrasted sharply with the dark shimmery fabric on which they rested. The fine strands shone despite the dearth of direct light. Wet locks curled and twined of their own accord.

A large, square hand clenched at the fine black cloth. Broad fingers tightened in anticipation... In triumph... In ecstasy.

Full lips pressed firmly, lovingly against tender skin in a semblance of a kiss... But signifying something far deeper.

Movements purposeful and slow, careful -- always careful -- as the candle flames bathed all in warm, velvety light. Shadows moved on the wall. A reflection of the dance. Bodies parted and came together again... and again... and again.

Teeth caught lips, biting sharp, breaking the skin as the body arched in surrender... trembling. A rivulet of crimson slipped down noiselessly, stark evidence this was far beyond simple passion. Lost in the black. Absorbed by it.

Bronze and ivory... Gold and silver... Cobalt and topaz... Meeting and withdrawing... But always slowly, so slowly. The groaning of elderly wood the only accompaniment. The only music...

Neither beginning nor ending. Moving in unison with no particular goal in mind other than mutual satisfaction. The lovers totally involved...

A murmur of sound rose in the still night air, entwining upon itself as accompaniment to the soft creak of the ancient bed-frame. That sound wound itself in and around them, defining them, moulding them...

Not really a cry of pain...

More a soft, so very soft whimpering.

Trembling limbs. Straining muscles. The long strong curve of a broad back. Shallower curve of hip and one pale leg sliding along it. Closed eyes, half-open mouth and still, those low, tender cries....

Powerful body yearning to be released... To have its release... Beneath it, a lean, felinesque form teased and taunted... Provoked and invoked. Those moist bodies slid oh so familiarly against one another. A low sob of breath echoed through the room, providing a counter-point to the rest of their hushed symphony.

The pain never stopped but it faded into the background, leaving just a fine edge between them. It was part of their deep connection. Part of what bound them together and the human one... the sun-bronzed, golden boy wouldn't have it any other way.

Not now...

Those cries were his. Heart-rending to the observer... had there been anyone to hear them. But they were alone. The vampire and his victim. The master and his slave...

Spike cradled Riley with his entire body. Knees hooked over those lean hips, left arm twined around his waist, right arm draped over a broad shoulder. The boy was trembling... Weak and trembling as though caught in the grip of a cruel fever. Perspiration trickled down his face... his neck... his abdomen, that last surface so tightly clenched. It would burn all away, -- that heat -- that fever. Burn everything away.

Leaving nothing but the wanting behind.

That cool, cool body beneath him, his lifeline. Surrounded him. Washed over him. Quenched the fever in his blood. The burning in the blood that flowed from his veins into his immortal lover's mouth. Feeding him and fucking him, joined by cock and fangs.

Riley could stay this way forever...

While his lips drew at the wounds he had reopened, Spike slowly rocked his hips up to meet Riley's each downward thrust. The boy had already come twice. But thanks to the bite, his erection had not faded. They would stay like this. Wrapped up in each other... buried in each other... Until the vampire let him go.

Riley whimpered plaintively, hand coming up to clasp Spike's shoulder in supplication. In answer, one pale hand shifted upward. The palm cupped the back of the boy's dark blond head, slim fingers threading into the fine, damp locks. Moving over and over in a soothing gesture. Calming the pain, calming the lad in his arms as he continued to feed on the heady clove-laced blood.

Sounds he'd never heard before were coming continuously. Just as he'd been coming almost continuously. Ever since they'd left the shower behind, skin still damp, bodies warm and flushed. Ever since Spike pulled him down into his own big bed and back into his lean, lithe body. Ever since those teeth pierced his skin and that delirious pain invaded his senses.

Since that moment, Riley Finn had been lost to the world.

Almost unaware of the passing of time. Unaware they'd been slowly grinding into each other for over an hour... Or was it two? Didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Never would matter again.

After that tiny sampling in the shower, Spike couldn't help himself - he wanted more... But this wasn't merely feeding for hunger's sake. Nor fucking for pleasure's sake. This... this was an act of deepest intimacy. Riley giving his body and his lifeblood to the vampire, who was honoured to receive it. And receive it, he did... But slowly, so slowly. He took long, leisurely sips, making a point to savour each and every one.

Riley knew he was getting weaker. His heart was slowing down, breathing more laboured with each passing moment. There was every chance he'd made a very, very bad mistake in believing the chip would keep Spike from killing him. Since his companion was taking the blood slowly and so gently, Riley realized he might slide into unconsciousness and never know...

Strange...

The thought didn't frighten him.

Not in the least.

Dying for this. Losing his life to experience this... would be worth it. For once in his life, Riley Finn felt completely needed, completely wanted. For that he was grateful.

That alone was something worth dying for...

Spike's tongue stroked against the wounds, matching the deliberate rocking of Riley's hips... At first, the former soldier had wanted nothing more than a quick fuck. Fast and furious. Just like all the others. But Spike pulled him into his arms, sliding into game face as their limbs intertwined.

The return of the demon's countenance had a stunning effect on the boy. Riley acquiesced, baring his neck to those needle-sharp fangs. He clung to Spike as the blond vampire captured his cock in a long-fingered hand and eased it into his rapidly cooling body. Still slick and blissfully stretched from their earlier encounter. No pain, not even a hint of pain... Only pleasure, when all that lovely humanity invaded his immortal body, bringing with it the heat and pulse of life.

As the seconds flowed into minutes, then to hours, they continued to move. Slowly, ever so slowly. On some level, Riley knew all his illusions were finally being stripped away by this act of stunning sensuality. His former life had been a shadow, a mockery of an existence until he'd stepped over that fine line.

The line that lay between love and hate.

Between life and death...

The old Riley Finn lived in a world that was black and white. He'd always toed the line. Fit into the mould cast for him from the cradle... Followed the straight and narrow set for him by his parents, his teachers, even his girlfriend. Followed blindly right up to the day he'd discovered the monsters he'd hunted with an atavistic hatred had feelings. Feelings as strong as his own.

From then on his world changed from black and white... to infinite shades of grey.

Parting his lips wide over the punctures, Spike suckled one last deep drink of the rich elixir. He held it in his mouth... relished it... before allowing that warming mouthful to slip down his throat. The vampire laved the bite-mark gently with his tongue, closing the wound. A contented sigh escaped from deep within as Spike felt Riley jerk softly against him, into him, in yet another perfectly silent climax.

Cradling that dark blond head in his hands, Spike turned the boy's face towards him, his lips smeared with blood. A single drop swelled on the vampire's bottom lip. That drop clung in place... full... heavy... and the deepest ruby red as his demonic ridges gave way to his more toothsome human features.

Riley struggled to open his eyes. Breathing laboured and slow. Heart pumped sluggishly. Whole body ached with ultimate pleasure and exquisite pain. When he finally forced his eyes open, the exhausted young man's entire consciousness focused on that tiny drop of darkest scarlet.

With a sigh, his trembling mouth sought his lover's. And that single drop of blood dissolved on Riley's tongue. A flood of coppery richness... mingled with a hint of ashes... a dash of sorrow... And the merest brush of something else... something close to love...

It overwhelmed him.

Those glazed eyes closed again as Riley slid slowly, gently into unconsciousness. His whole body sagged, pinning his lover to the bed. The boy's weight held Spike there although the vampire could easily have thrown him across the room. But he didn't... No. He cradled the young man, silently thanking his sweet lad for such a precious gift.

His every movement reflected a tenderness that no one living had ever seen.

Spike wound his arms around Riley, welcoming his weight and warmth. One pale hand smoothed the hair back off of his forehead as the vampire pressed a soft, nuzzling kiss there. His purr of contentment filled the room with sound. Lord, how he loved this boy... loved him like he'd loved no other in his long existence.

**Don't know how you managed to catch this one, old son...** He kissed that warm forehead again, unwilling to move just yet. **Gorgeous face... perfect body... And sharp? Hell, this lad's smarter than the whole of King's College put together. Such a big heart... him loving the Slayer, of all people, and her still all tangled up with my Sire...**"

Spike's mouth tightened and those midnight-dark eyes narrowed as he contemplated the man lying atop him. **You deserve better than playing second fiddle to that bastard, love. Much better. No more of that bird for you. She comes near you again... I'll rip her fuckin' throat out.**

The lad passed out on him, which was understandable, all things considered. But there was a sharpness to Riley's features that had not been there a week ago. Spike ran a hand down his lover's side and swore silently. Ribs, he could feel the boy's ribs... **Fuckin' pillock... he's not been eating and you go and feed off him like he's your personal blood bank. Angelus was right, you are one pitiful excuse for a vampire, mate.**

Sleep would be good for Riley. The dark circles Spike just noticed told him not only was the boy not eating... he wasn't sleeping, either. Well... it was high time for that to change. It took a bit of wrangling but the blond finally propped himself up on his elbows. Once there, he managed to find the leverage necessary to gently roll the large, sleep-heavy body over and then off of his slender frame.

Spike paused for a moment, leaning over to look at that peaceful face. **Even exhausted, he's an angel come to Earth.** Unable to resist the lure of the boy's soft, warm skin, the vampire brushed the backs of his fingers over Riley's cheek.

A smile lifted the corners of his generous mouth as he pulled the cool satin up to cover his human lover's nude body. With a last kiss to those closed eyelids, Spike rolled out of bed. He silently made his way into the kitchen to hunt up something for the boy to eat. When he awoke, Riley should be ravenous...

---

It might have been minutes. It might have been hours. All Riley knew was that when he swam back into consciousness, his whole body was encased in what had to be the softest sheets he'd ever felt. **Wonder where I am?... Does it matter?**

His neck ached a little but the rest of him felt damn good... He smiled and stretched, absently noting that other parts were *delightfully* sore. After a few moments of quietly basking in the afterglow, he opened his eyes and found himself in his own bed. Lying on black satin sheets, his home bathed in candlelight...

Nice way to wake up...

The room was quiet... except for a few random noises coming from the kitchen. Noises that didn't register immediately. Riley scanned the area and noted that it was... empty? No sign of his guest... no sign of his lover. He could smell food but that didn't matter. What mattered was that he was alone. Alone.. when there should have been another body wrapped tightly around his own. **Please no... don't tell me... I don't want to be alone... I'm tired of being alone...**

Riley started to sit up. He had to find Spike, had to drag him back to bed... tie him there if necessary. But the young man made it no further than swinging his legs over the edge of the bed before a wave of dizziness washed over him. Not good...

Maybe he'd try to move in a few minutes... Maybe... Once the room stopped spinning.

"Lie down," Spike ordered from his place in the kitchen. Not waiting to see if Riley was going to obey, the blond vampire turned back to the task at hand. He didn't see the brilliant smile that lit up Riley's face, nor did he hear the young man's sigh of relief.

The blond scratched his hand through his hair, absently cursing the curls that wound round his fingers as he stirred the stew. It contained everything he'd managed to find in the boy's kitchen cabinets that looked even remotely edible. There was a lecture forming in Spike's head, one about needing to eat right... To keep one's strength up... And that couldn't be done by existing on breakfast cereal, beer and three-day old cold pizza.

Spike would have ventured out to get something for the boy to eat if he absolutely had to... But keeping a close eye on Riley was priority number one. Hence, the cooking thing...

Funny how there were some skills one never lost.

The vampire pursed his lips as he ladled the thick, steaming stew into a large bowl. Riley would eat every last bite of it, even if Spike had to force it down his throat. He honestly hadn't meant to take so much... but Christ, the boy tasted so good. Riley would be back on his feet in virtually no time at all. Just as soon as he got some healthy food into him.

The former soldier had pretty much shagged himself out. That, paired with the drinking and very little eating for about a week, led to a very conked out Riley slumped on top of him. Not that he minded that so much. Not really, but... well... the lad was a bit heavy. Spike padded back over to the bed, carrying the bowl of stew in one hand and a large glass of milk in the other. Once there, he took a seat on the edge next to Riley.

"Mmmmm...that smells good. You can cook?" Riley propped himself up against the headboard, the satin sheet pooling in his lap. He smiled at the sight of Spike enveloped in his bathrobe. The robe was about five sizes too big for him. Even though the sleeves had been rolled back and the belt cinched tight, the blond looked like a little kid wearing his big brother's clothes.

His immortal companion handed him a bowl which was heaped with what must have been the entire contents of his fridge. It smelled like heaven. Riley's stomach growled while he tried to recall the last time he'd eaten. The young man took the bowl with both hands, breathing in the heady aroma of spices, meat and slow cooked vegetables. A small smile tilted the corners of his mouth, normally hazel eyes a brilliant shade of green as he murmured, "Color me surprised..."

"Eat," Spike ordered flatly as he fussed with the ties on his robe. He was more than a bit upset. While the boy slept, he'd studied him... counted every rib, noted the new sharp hollow at the base of his throat. Starved, his lover had been starving himself and *that* didn't sit well. "No more sex till you finish every last bite of that. I won't have you swoonin' away on me at the drop of a hat like some corset-clad society bint."

"Sex?... Is that what we were doing when I passed out?" That response was teasing, filled with gentle humour as Riley spooned up some of the stew. He blew on it, trying to cool it down. One small part of his brain warned him not to taste it. Warned him that the man sitting next to him was still Hostile 17, a vampire... the enemy.

But his stomach growled again and Riley admitted to himself that he was light-headed. The slice of cold pizza he'd eaten this morning on the way to class was not cutting it anymore. He needed food and he needed it now.

Gawking openly at the boy, Spike couldn't believe the words that had just tumbled past his lover's kiss-bruised lips. Either the lad was having a go at him or... there was a hint of a smile and a slyness he'd not seen before... Yeah, having a go at him and he'd bought into it... The vampire frowned and then huffed in self-disgust. He flopped back onto the bed, resting his head on Riley's thigh. "Jesus... must be losin' my touch..."

"Come again? What do you mean you're losing your touch?" The fingers of one broad hand found their way into Spike's soft hair. They slid through tousled platinum curls, curls which looked so good tumbled carelessly about. Riley couldn't stop touching him. After waking up alone, he needed the tactile reassurance that his lover was really there.

The young man set the bowl down on the nightstand. He wanted to continue the slow caress and still manage to take a bite of the stew. Once he finally manoeuvred the spoonful into his mouth, Riley's eyes rolled back in his head. His toes curled in delight as a mixture of marvellous flavours filled his senses.

Not only could Spike cook but he could cook well.

Would wonders never cease?

Spike tilted his head back as he sought more of that gentle touch. Despite his earlier resolution to play the stern parent, a small, grudging smile curled the corners of his mouth,. "Well, what would you call it, then, if it wasn't sex?" There. He'd answer a question with a question. Angelus had always done that and it never failed to irritate the piss out of him.

"That wasn't sex, Spike... Believe me, I've had sex and it's never been anything remotely like that..." Riley set the spoon down carefully. Even though he wanted to finish eating, Spike needed some reassurance. "Sex is down and dirty and that wasn't... It was... God... I can't describe how that felt. Words fail..."

Spike's eyes fluttered closed for just a moment as his lips spread into a full, warm smile... When he opened them again to gaze up at the boy, Riley could see the same warmth reflected perfectly in those dark sapphire pools. Happy, Spike was happy... And that particular emotion was something Riley'd never seen before.

As he gazed down into Spike's eyes, Riley was so close to telling him the truth. The words were there. They were right on the tip of his tongue. But how could he tell Spike what they'd just done was make love? The vampire wouldn't get it... would he? **Probably not, Ry... Besides even if you tell him how you feel... he wouldn't believe it. Hell, I don't quite believe it.**

Riley shrugged his shoulders and reached for the glass of milk to cover the moment of awkward silence. The cool liquid felt good going down, it soothed the rawness in his throat. Rawness left by what must have been hours of whimpers and soft cries... Cries he'd made while making love...

"Finish your dinner," Spike instructed gruffly. There had been something in the boy's eyes then... and earlier, too... just the barest flicker of... something. And, whatever it was, it was beautiful. But then, just like that, it was gone. First, the fear and now... this. Spike would have given almost anything to see that light in the boy's eyes again, to see it... and have it *stay.*

"Where'd you learn to cook, Spike?" Riley nodded, picking up the bowl again. He cradled it in one hand, holding it against his chest as he devoured its contents. Funny how good food tasted when you were starving. **Please let there be more of this. Other than that slice of pizza and my not-quite lunch with Buffy, I haven't eaten in days.**

Spike raked a hand through his hair, trying to smooth the unruly locks back down in their usual style. As always, it was almost a lost cause. "Ahh... had some mates when I was human. Couple of 'em went to one of those cooking schools? They always used to experiment in the kitchen... I watched. Was kinda like the guinea pig for all their new recipes, I guess you could say." His shoulder met his ear in a lazy half-shrug as he watched the boy inhale the stew. Christ, the lad was going to choke if he didn't slow down a bit. "Got a whole bleedin' pot full of that on the stove still. Try to *chew* every once in a while, eh? Not like the bowl's gonna sprout legs and take off."

There was that broad smile again, the smile that Spike was falling in love with... Just like he'd fallen in love with everything else where this human was concerned. **That tears it... Confirmed shirtlifter for the rest of my days...** The smile was followed by a shrug as the boy finished the last few morsels.

"Sorry, habit I picked up in basic training. They only allow you about five minutes per meal to eat... I'm gonna get some more. You want anything?" Riley leaned over and placed a soft kiss on that pale forehead. Right before he purposely mussed up the recently slicked back hair. He liked Spike's hair better when it was messy; the casual style fit him.

As Riley tousled his hair, Spike sat up, growling in half-hearted irritation. He plucked the bowl from his hands and the glass off the nightstand. "Oh, no, you don't. You park your ass right there and don't you dare get out of that bed. Don't care how well you think you feel yet. You're not moving till *I* say." With that, he hopped off of the bed and made his way back into the kitchen.

Riley stifled a laugh while he watched Spike move through his apartment. The bottom of the robe brushed the ground and almost came off his lover's slim shoulders when the vampire rounded the corner of the kitchen counter. Riley raised his voice a little in order to be heard over the sound of more stew being served up. "Hey... Just out of curiosity... Is Spike your real name?"

"No," Spike called back. "Nickname." For the third time, the sleeve of Riley's robe slipped down over his hand and was nearly dunked right into the stew. Snarling in frustration, Spike untied the offending garment. He shrugged out of it and tossed it aside, even going so far as to kick it once for good measure.

His eyebrows rose when Riley saw his robe go flying across the room. That meant Spike was naked... in his kitchen... *naked.* The image that came to mind had a definite effect on him. **Now how on god's green earth can it be possible that I'm getting *another* hard-on? *Down boy*... I swear, first thing tomorrow, I'm making a call to Sexaholics Anonymous...** He tugged the sheets in place and grabbed a pillow, placing it in his lap. "So what's your real name?"

"You want the whole shebang or just the first one?" Spike sauntered out of the kitchen and back over to the bed. He placed a fresh glass of milk on the nightstand and the bowl containing Riley's second helping of stew in the boy's hands. Not a hint of embarrassment about his nude state showed on his angular face as he gazed down at his now blushing companion.

**Yup, naked... This guy's gonna be the death of me.** Riley accepted the bowl, gratefully. Anything to keep from staring at his lover's body. He waited until Spike settled down next to him, that platinum blond head cradled in one palm. "Give me the whole thing. You tell me yours and I'll tell you mine..." The young man squirmed a little, trying to find a comfortable position before he took up the spoon. This time he ate more slowly, savouring every bite.

**Bugger... no way 'round it. Might as well spill the whole bleedin' lot, sit back and wait for the hysterics.** Spike took a deep, dramatic breath through his nostrils, eyes rolling. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His name had been a sore point every moment of his mortal life. "William Leslie Starke Sutherland... the, err... third... or was it fourth... something."

To his credit, Riley didn't laugh. After all, Spike was English... not only was he English, but he'd been a Victorian, therefore, a huge mouthful of a name was to be expected. Besides, it was obvious Spike was a bit embarrassed by it. So, focus on the first name... get familiar with it.

He picked up the glass of milk and took a swallow of it before commenting, "William... I like that... It fits." Another swallow of the soothing liquid, then Riley set the glass back on the nightstand. Spike looked relieved, the stiffness in his shoulders and neck fading a little.

Good...

Might as well help ease him up a little more. Names were touchy things with some people... And Spike seemed pretty touchy.

"Did it get shortened when you were a kid? Mine did... Everyone called me Ry." The food was doing its job. Riley was feeling better already, stronger. Exhausted? Yes... Ready to pass out? No... As he spooned a little more of the stew into his mouth, Riley Finn made a mental note to never let himself get so run down again. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth... time to buy some iron tablets...

The vampire snorted in derision, memories of his human childhood playing through his head. "You kiddin', pet? My folks were in with that well-to-do lot... No short, sweet little names for me, oh no. One of the reasons I like Spike so much - it's short, to the bloody point. Whenever Mum was mad at me, she'd say my full name, William Leslie Starke and all -- take her two breaths every time just to get through it, no foolin'."

**Pet... Huh, I like that too.** Riley chuckled as an image of a curly tow-headed boy in short pants and covered in mud came to mind. Young William had probably been quite the hellion in his day. The two of them would have been fast friends. Not surprising, since he'd had his own shares of scrapes and the full name treatment from his own mother. "Gotta admit that's kinda a big mouthful. Mine's pretty simple compared to that. Riley Sean Finn...the first, I guess..."

He set the empty bowl down and rolled over on his side to face Spike, scooting down the bed until they were eye to eye. With gentle fingers, Riley brushed a curl off the vampire's forehead. That hushed air of intimacy had once again descended around them. His tone was soft as he murmured, "Mind if I call you Will? It's short and to the point, too... And... I think it suits you better..."

"Yeah," Spike tipped his head to one side. Warmth, such blessed warmth followed those gentle fingers and spread through his entire frame. He put forth his utmost effort into it, trying not to purr or moan or pounce the boy at that soft touch. Let Riley make all the moves. Self-control was the name of the game here... for now. "S'ppose it'd be alright."

Somehow he understood his companion's need for restraint, understood that Spike... that Will was leaving it all up to him. When the vampire's eyes closed again, Riley leaned over and kissed him. His mouth expressed what he would not, could not say aloud. The flickering candles cast shadows on the wall as the young man slid a little closer. There was no way he could manage another round tonight but he wanted to... God, how he wanted to.

The low, warm purr originated in Spike's chest. It grew louder and louder until the delighted sound filled the flat. Unable to resist the lure of the man kissing him with such tenderness, he sidled closer. He draped his left hand over Riley's shoulder, fingers brushing lightly over the back of his lad's neck.

When their mouths finally parted, Riley spoke, his voice hushed, reverent and a little sleepy, "Will... my Will..." He pulled Spike closer, enjoying the feel of that lithe cool body. Home, this felt like home... A place he hadn't been in for a very long time.

With a quiet sigh, the ex-marine settled down onto his back and allowed the vampire to nestle up against his side. Spike found the hollow of his shoulder to be a perfect fit for his cheek and his lean body curled up around the boy's much larger frame. One slender leg slid between Riley's own, one pale hand rested on his chest... right over his heart.

The vampire shivered involuntarily, his eyes still firmly shut. The softly spoken name was another reminder of long, dark nights spent in another man's arms. In another man's bed... But that was over a century ago and this, this was now. This was Riley...

Spike smoothed his hand over that hard, broad chest. He nuzzled into it; the shudder fading away as he revelling in the warmth that ebbed from the boy's body. "My Riley," he said softly. His Riley, his lover... his... only his... Possession was a lovely thing, owning and being owned... wanting and being wanted...

Together, they were together... together and safe. What more could he ask for at this point in his existence? Lord knows, he didn't deserve anything more. Not after all the horrible things he'd done. Spike was at least honest with himself on that score. He was a monster, through and through.

Riley giving him back his name was a wonderful gift. The lad snatched it out from underneath his sire's fingers, straightened it out, soothed the hurts and gave it back to him and for that he was grateful. It was enough, *should* be enough... he should be content with what the boy had just given him.

But he couldn't seem to forget those *other* words... The two tiny little words had made him want to die all over again. Those words when spoken in that same slow, sleepy way. 'Love you.'

"You tired yet?" Riley murmured quietly, his eyelids growing heavy. He wanted Spike again, he really did but sleep was calling his name. The food had settled, leaving him with that warm, full feeling and the strain of the past few weeks had finally come to roost. Given a choice, Riley knew he could easily sleep for several days straight at this point.

"Mmm... no," Spike repositioned his head slightly. He placed it just over Riley's heart and listened to the steady beat. Steady and strong, just like the man lying beside him. It was a sound he wanted to hear for decades to come. "Riley..." he began. Should he ask? No, it was too soon. Too soon. Riley couldn't, really -- no, not yet... could he?

There had been a slight quaver in that softly spoken question. Enough of a quaver that Riley was awake again. "Yeah?" He ran his hand down the vampire 's elegant back, lightly brushing over hypersensitive skin as he waited for a response. When it didn't come immediately, he looked down at Spike, "What's up?"

"A little while ago, in the shower, you... you said..." he began haltingly. Christ, was he 126 years old or was he 12?! It had been years since he'd been this hesitant, this bloody well frightened of what answer he might get. But this was important. Everything that had happened between them up until now hung in the balance, depended on what the boy would say.

"I said what?" Riley placed one finger under Spike's chin, lifting it so they were eye to eye. There was so much hesitancy in those midnight blue eyes that he almost didn't recognize this man as Spike. Was this was a glimpse of the human he'd been? Vulnerable, frightened... and absolutely charming. "Tell me..."

"You said you... loved me," he finished, misery etched plainly on his face. Spike knew he'd stepped over the line when those words left his mouth. He could say goodbye to his cosy new flat and he could definitely say goodbye to Riley. The boy had no need for a crippled vampire in his life... none at all.

After his lad finished laughing at his foolishness, Spike would gather up his clothes and disappear into the night. Trudge back to his dead-end existence... Back to Restfield, to the crypt and those hideous peach sheets... Which he'd more than likely burn as soon as he got back... Because he couldn't bear to look at them and be reminded of all of this.

The look on Spike's face told the whole story, despair shone in his eyes... despair and regret. Same look that Riley had seen in the mirror every day for the past few weeks. He remembered the first day he saw it... It was the day he realized Buffy didn't love him. No way was he going to let that sadness remain in his companion's eyes... Because he did... Crazy as the thought was, Riley did love him.

And, as far as Riley was concerned, that... was that...

He'd take the time to analyze it later. Right now there was a person lying in his arms who needed an answer. An answer to a question that was tearing him apart. **Well, cat's out of the bag now... Time to tell the truth, Riley Finn.**

Taking a deep breath, Riley kept his gaze steady and his voice very firm. "I surely did..." It was way too soon, but he felt it and he hoped against hope the feeling was returned in some small way. And if it wasn't... well, it wouldn't be the first time, "And as I told you once, I never lie... Not to people I care about... I love you, Will."

With a soft, shuddering sigh, Spike bowed his head. He rested his forehead against Riley's chest, arms winding tightly around him. No further sound or movement came from the vampire. This moment was precious, he didn't want to spoil it by stammering and sobbing like a first-class git. Love... someone loved him... someone wonderful loved him...

"I know it's too soon... and I don't expect you to return the feeling. I'm used to that, but you have a place with me for as long as you want it, Will. You got that?" Gentle fingers threading through oh-so-soft hair and a whisper of a kiss was laid there as well. Riley willed his body to lie still, for his heart to not race as he held his lover close to him. **Just for one more minute, one more hour. Please God... Let him stay for a little while longer.**

His companion's utter silence said more than any words. He'd read the situation all wrong, all he was to the vampire was a great lay. Any minute now, his companion would shake him off would climb out of his bed and sneer down at the patheticness that was one Riley Finn. Sunnydale's Big Bad would laugh in his face before heading out to tell everyone about what a gullible moron Captain Cardboard had turned out to be.

Spike lifted his head and cupped Riley's face in both of his hands. He pressed a firm kiss to the centre of Riley's forehead, then to each of his eyelids... the end of his nose. And, lastly, when the vampire's lips hovered just a breath away from the boy's, he whispered, "I love you, Riley, I love you." Those words soft, almost frantic. Spoken in such a rush, spoken as though he felt that if he didn't say them fast enough, it would be too late.

"Oh thank god... I thought I was alone in this again." Riley rose up a little. Just enough to complete the circuit, to seal their bargain and mutual vows with a single kiss. He held onto his lover tightly, pouring out months of frustrated affection and love into that contact. The relieved young man worshiped his lover's cool mouth with complete devotion... *His lover*... Spike... Will was his lover..

When they finally parted, Riley laid there with his eyes closed. More truth, it was time for more truth. Time to tell someone how desolate he'd been, how his heart had ached with the need to belong somewhere... anywhere. Quiet desperation collared his words as he murmured, "I'm so tired of being alone in a room full of people. Tired of making love to someone who's only half there..."

How could he not respond to that hushed plea? His lover's words reflected his own emptiness, his own misery. Spike showered the boy's face with barely-there kisses, trying desperately to soothe Riley's pain away with his touch. "Not alone... not alone anymore," he replied, promise implicit in his voice as he pressed his forehead to Riley's. "Never again."

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