Atonement

by Murray

The Usual Disclaimers: Buffy The Vampire Slayer and all characters belong to their creator Joss W., EM, and UPN. I receive no profit for any of my writings depicting those same characters, just the pleasure of taking them out to play on occasion.

Teaser

Spike had no idea how long he screamed, as image upon image flooded his mind's eye forcing him to relive each one of his victim's deaths. His throat was painfully raw from screaming, his face covered in the tracks of his tears and he felt fear. He had not felt fear like this since he had been alive, since before Dru turned him.

He stumbled as he made it to his feet, his right hand reaching out to steady him as it came in contact with one of the cave walls, the demon who had gifted him with a soul was long gone. Sweat drenched his face as he gulped in air, his heart hammering in his chest, panic filled every pore of his existence and he felt like he was losing himself. Forcing his feet to move one in front of the other he made it out of the cave where he had faced his trial.

Continuing to place one foot in front of the other he made it another 10 feet and then the ground came rushing up to meet his face as darkness, merciful darkness, claimed him.

The peace of the darkness that covered his mind lasted ten seconds as the last words he had with the demon came back to him.

"You have endured the required trials."

"Bloody right I have, so give me what I want. Make me what I was, so Buffy can get what she deserves."

"Very well. We will return your soul!" With that said the demon's right hand shot out and palm flat lay upon Spike's chest. As his hand met his flesh it glowed with a pure white light, Spikes eyes flew open in shock and surprise as his eyes filled with the same unearthly white light. His mouth opened as the light erupted from deep within and his screams of anguish pierced the silence of the night.

His eyes shot open as the dream gave way to the reality and Spike's left hand shot up to touch his chest where the demon had laid his hand. Feeling nothing but his own skin. Adrenaline filled his body as he shot up into a sitting position and said the first words that came into his mind, "Bloody 'ell!"

His body ached as he slowly rose upon shaky legs. He was exhausted and his chest hurt with each deep breath he drew into his lungs. As always when he was alone for more then a few minutes his thoughts turned to Buffy. The woman that he loved the woman that he would do anything for, the woman he had nearly raped. At that thought he froze, the breath he had just taken caught in his throat, his heart hammered in his chest and tears came to his eyes.

Sinking down on his knee's he cried out into the silence of the night. His soul in pain, his heart breaking, and each lungful of air he took burned. His emotions in such turmoil he didn't even realize he was breathing, or that his heart was beating. All he did know was he had to make this right with her. Somehow he had to let her know he was sorry for what he almost did to her. He had to let her know, that what he did was wrong. He would never again hurt her like that. He had to let her know that he finally understood, that one does not treat a woman like an object. He knew now that he could not just take what he wanted from her without her wanting it in return. He knew now that it was wrong.

Spike was overwhelmed with feelings emotions, on such a level that he had no idea what to do with them or how to cope with them. All he did know was he could not go on this way. For once in his life or undead life he had to make things right. He wanted to make things right. Even if she told him to get out after he explained. He had to try and if she told him to get out. He would for once in his life comply with another's wishes.

His head shot back as his eyes searched the dark night sky his mouth opened as he shouted, breaking the silence of the night, "Damn bleedin' demon." He inhaled deeply and turned in the direction of the cave, moving without thinking he entered it and shouted in a frustrated voice, "What have you done to me?"

The demons glowing blue eyes appeared before him as he spoke in his gravely voice, "I have given you that which you sought, vampire."

"You bleeding well did not. I asked..."

"You asked us to make you what you once where, so Buffy can get what she deserves."

Spike opened his mouth to speak and again the demon continued before he could so much as utter a single word.

"We have done as you asked, vampire, we have made you into what Buffy deserves. Your trial is ended. Leave this place and never return!"

He did not even remember blinking but the demon was gone, releasing a growl he turned on his heel and walked out of the cave. Arching his scared eyebrow he turned to face the cave once more only to find it gone. "What the hell!" He muttered and again growled in frustration and took in a deep breath. That is when the weight of what he had become overwhelmed him. Again he growled and started to mutter more to himself then to anyone else, "I did not ask for a soul, I did not ask to have my heart jump started and I certainly did not ask to be capable of breathing again. You stupid git." Spinning on his heals he walked out of the village as quickly as his legs would carry him. His internal clock told him he had a little over one hour till sunrise. He needed to get as far away from this place as he could between now and then.

"A damn soul." He ground out between tightly clenched jaws, as he vamped out and bit his lip, feeling it bleed, his game face receding as he walked away thinking. ~this changes nothing~

41 Hours Later

A confused vampire sat in Willy's bar nursing a beer, his thoughts and emotions in total turmoil. He had been back in Sunnydale, for 5 hours. Clem had told him how Buffy had been shot and Tara killed by Warren. He learned that Willow had gone off the deep end, killed Warren and almost ended the world. Without saying anything to Clem he went straight to Willy's intending to get drunk and found he couldn't. So he sat at the bar and nursed his beer. All he really wanted was to go to Buffy. Talk to her, hold her and beg her forgiveness. Finally after sitting in the same spot for almost 4 hours he made a decision. It was time to pay the piper.

Standing up he looked around one last time before heading out the door. His face reflecting the disgust he felt. One of the customers a biker type saw the look on his face and thought Spike had directed it at him. He stood up and followed Spike out.

"Hey, punk!"

Spike turned and looked at the overweight biker and thought to himself, ~great a bleedin' human~.

The biker moved up so he was standing less then a foot away from Spike, "You want to tell me what that look was for inside!"

"Look mate, I don't know what you're talkin' about and I really don't have time for this. So why don't you just bugger off and we can forget about this whole thing."

Without saying a word the biker drew back his beefy left hand and slugged Spike hard across his jaw. His head flew back as he tasted the blood flowing down from his split lip, controlling his anger he wiped at his bloodied lip with the back of his right hand and said, "Look mate, I have not had a good last 3 days. Lets just call this a mistake and I will be on my way."

"No lets call this your funeral and how about I put you six feet under you freak." Again a meaty left fist shot out and caught him in his right eye. The next punch found his stomach and Spike went down. The wind knocked out of him he pushed his hands against the pavement as a foot kicked savagely into his left side a rib snapping as he cried out from the pain.

Without so much as a thought he vamped out and stood to his full height, a trickle of blood flowed out of the corner of his mouth. His wiped it with the back of his left hand his eyes a golden yellow smouldering with undisguised hate for this human who was before him. As the biker pulled back to deliver another right cross to his jaw, Spike's demon decided he had had enough and his left hand effortlessly reached up and caught the bikers fist in the palm of his hand and squeezed.

Two things happened simultaneously, the biker screamed in pain as he felt the bones in his right hand turn to paste and Spike felt no pain. As he realized he felt no pain from hurting this human he let slip his demon's mask. Still holding the bikers fist in his hand he leaned his head towards his right ear and whispered, "Run!"

Not needing to be told twice the biker did just that cradling his right hand in his left he ran as fast as he could to get away from Spike.

The Bleached vampire stood there watching the bikers retreating back and said softly out loud, "This just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? What comes next I get to walk in the bleedin' light of day?" Shaking his head he turned and headed back to his crypt, he had a lot to think about


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