Backstage
By Lisa Martin
Life is the way it was in Sunnydale. Demons, vampires, an occasional ghost. I am welcomed home by the others, Willow grinning and asking if I have lost my wild streak now. I smile and tell her no. She punches me on the arm for that. Just like old times, only not. I have a secret to keep, not a nasty one like before, but one I don't want to share with any of them. Not yet anyway.
So I settle into the old ways once again, helping with research, patrolling, slaying. I even find myself a job back at the construction site. Not that I need the money, but I want to work. No college, that option I have put out of my head permanently. I like working with my hands, building things.
I even buy a house. The gang is shocked when they hear I have bought my old home. Shocked me too, yet when I saw the 'for sale' sign on the lawn I had to buy it. Where my folks have gone, I have no idea, nor do I care. The house is in shambles and I spend all my spare time working on it, living in the old trusted basement. It's still as damp as before and still as comfortable. It was the first place I could call my own and because of that it's dear to me.
One day, while I'm working outside, Dawn shows up. She's grown into a lovely young woman, one Buffy would have been proud of. College student and doing well.
"Hi!" she greets me.
"Dawnster.and don't call me that!" I add, before she can.
She giggles and pokes me in the ribs. "And don't you know it." She holds up a bag. "Picnic?"
"Willow sent you?" I inquire.
"No! I am perfectly capable of thinking this up by myself, thank you very much!"
I grin at her, a grin she meets with an offended glare. Something stirs inside of me, she looks so much like her sister this way. I put the hammer I'm holding in my tool belt and raise my hands. "Okay, I surrender!"
A look of triumph crosses her face as she sits down and begins to unpack the bag. I must admit, the sight of food makes my stomach rumble. Sitting down too, I help her spread the tablecloth on the ground. We eat and talk, all very relaxed, but I have a hunch this is not just a social visit. Not that I mind spending time with her, not at all, she is good company. I tell her about some of the stunts the crew pulled at the concerts, knowing she loves to hear this stuff. And there it is, that pensive look Buffy mastered in and what seems to be a trademark expression for the Summers women.
"Xander, why did you go with them?"
The question is not unexpected. I have run any possible answer through my mind countless times. I could go for the 'getting rid of my wild streak' version, the one that seems to be stuck in Willow's mind, or the 'getting away from it all' version. Considering it for a moment, I decide to go for the latter. "Needed to get away from everything, do something completely different."
"I get that," she says slowly. "But how did you get that job? I mean, I've been to concerts and I know it's almost impossible to get back stage."
Smart girl. "Not if you know one of the band members."
Her eyes grow wide for a second and she nearly chokes on her drink. "Of course," she coughs. "Devon."
That startles me. I wasn't aware she knew him. "Yep."
An odd look comes in her eyes as she regards me. I shiver, it feels like being put under a microscope. "I've been to one of their concerts, Xander. No one knows," she ads quickly. "When I went to LA with Wendy and her Mom, we managed to get tickets. Wendy's Mom likes one of those guys." There is a grin on her face, yet at the same time she is giving me a pointed stare. Sweat breaks out as I realise what she means. She knows!
"So, you know," I say, as casually as I can.
"Couldn't believe my eyes when I saw him," she nods. Then a giggle erupts from her throat. "Wendy's Mom kept talking about him, how mysterious he is and such. When she pointed him out while they were on stage I nearly shouted in his name in surprise."
I have to grin, can't help it. "No one would've understood anyway, he doesn't use that name anymore."
"Found that out later. Believe me, I had so much trouble not to tell the whole story."
"Like they would've believed you."
She shrugs. "Probably not. Instead I told them I knew Devon. They were thrilled. Tried to get backstage, but no luck. What kind of demon is that security guard anyway??"
"I never found out, all I know is that he's big," I laugh. "I hope you didn't tell them he's a demon."
She glares at me. "Like I'm stupid!"
"That is one thing you are not," I tell her. "Yet you could've asked for me."
"I wanted to. Then I saw you."
The feeling of dread grows. "You saw me?"
"With Spike. There was something about you two that kept me from calling out to you. I don't know what, but I did know it was wiser not to let you know I was there."
Again smart girl. And suddenly there is the need to tell, to spill my secret. Spike wouldn't mind me doing that, not to Dawn. "You made the right decision. No matter how pleased he would've been to see you again, the timing wasn't right."
"It almost seemed there was something more than friendship there." She tilts her head to one side, gazing at me expectantly.
"There was, there is." I take a deep breath. "I love him, Dawn. Don't ask me how and why, I'm still trying to figure that one out myself." The words come then, rolling out of my mouth effortlessly. I tell her everything, leaving out certain details, of course.
She listens in silence. When I finally shut up, she stands and walks to where I'm sitting, crouches down and hugs me. "Good for you. Now let's hope he comes to his senses soon."
I hug her back, feeling like a weight has lifted from my shoulders. I should've known she wouldn't condemn me. "Thanks. And I hope so too." She throws a beaming smile at me. "He'd better or I'll nab you for myself."
"Really??" It's out before I can stop it. And I'm not joking either.
"You'd better believe it, mister! Just convince yourself you're worth nabbing, okay?" She emphasizes it with an elbow between my ribs.
"Okay. And ow."
"Ninny."
"Brat."
We continue to call each other names for a while and my mood lifts considerably. I haven't felt this good since I came back here. I have someone to talk to now, someone who knows. We part with laughter and some more name-calling. I pick up my tools and go back to work.