Family
By Velvet Crypt
Chapter ElevenThings ran smoothly for the next few days. The LA gang and the scoobies got to know one another again. No major roadblocks occurred in the pentacle bond. Spike was becoming more at ease with making eye contact. Mostly after Buffy cornered him in the kitchen and told him that as much as she appreciated his concern, he was wigging her out sneaking around peering out of the corner of his eyes at her.
Ellie became a permanent fixture in Angel's lap. Xander even caught them coloring together in the room Angel shared with Wesley. Willow, Tara, Buffy and Dawn spent nearly as much time at Xander and Spike's as they did at their own homes. Xander had to yell at Cordy for taking Dawn and Lys shopping after he heard them plotting how to get him and Buffy to buy them matching leather jackets.
The only thing to not run smoothly was bedtime. Being forced to sleep together on the pullout couch was slowly killing both Xander and Spike. Each night they would crawl into their own side of the bed, bunch up their pillows, and stare into the darkness pretending to sleep.
Both knew the other was awake. Neither wished to broach the subject. When they woke, they would be tangled into a single entity in the center of the bed, using the same pillow and laying nose to nose. Spike normally woke first, and he would lay watching Xander sleep, breathing in his scent to help him through the day.
When he heard Xander's heart speed up and his breathing quicken, heralding his awakening, Spike would roll out of bed and pad quietly to the kitchen to make his love breakfast. Spike began avoiding Willow after she started giving him dirty looks and staring pointedly at the calendar, indicating his week of procrastination was up. He hadn't figured out how to tell Xan that he watched when Xander slept. How was he supposed to bring up love?
Saturday dawned bright and clear and Xander decided a family outing was in order. He was planning on going somewhere that Spike could be as well, but the vamp begged off to spend some time with Angel. Xander was happy enough that Spike and Angel weren't at each other's throats that he quickly agreed. As such, he had the kids plan the day. Not surprisingly, the beach was the winner of the Harris vote.
They arrived at the beach and it took nearly 10 minutes to gather up everything they'd packed and haul it to a suitable sunbathing site. Xander wrestled the cooler while Nate took the chairs. Lys had the towels and suncream and Ellie had her beach toys. Once they had found the perfect spot and towels were placed Xander handed out the suntan lotion.
"Make sure you get your noses, too." He warned. Lys and Nate rolled their eyes. Ellie was thrilled because her sunscreen turned her nose purple. Xander made them spin around and endure his dabbing of missed spots. When he was satisfied, he started on himself.
As they opened the chairs, three teenaged boys jogged over to them.
"Hey," they called. Xander smiled and nodded.
"Hey yourself."
"We was wondering if you guys wanted to come play volleyball with us. We need more people." Xander shook his head and settled in his chair.
"I'm planning on being old today and not moving from my lounge chair." He grinned. "But Lys and Nate would love to." Lys's eyes lit up and she fluttered her eyelashes at the boy in the green trunks.
"Oh, yes," she nodded. "I'd love to. We're new here and don't know many people." The boys' grinned at that.
"Well, then you absolutely have to come with us." The green trunked boy grabbed her hand and started hauling her off.
His friends looked at each other and then at Nate. "You coming too?"
Nate shook his head and pulled out a book. "No, thank you." He said primly. "I'm planning on finishing my book." They looked at him as though he'd grown another head.
"Whatever, dude." They ran back to the game. Xander frowned at Nate.
"You came to the beach to read?" he demanded. Nate nodded and sprawled into his chair. "When you could be having fun with friends your own age?" Nate nodded again and opened the book. "Why?"
Nate glanced at him over his sunglasses. "Because I want to read? Because I suck at sports and don't want to spend the rest of the day shaking sand out of my shorts? Because I can't stand the thought of spending time with anyone who would say 'we was wondering'." Xander grinned.
"I think you're turning into Willow." Nate stuck his tongue out at Xander and went back to his book. Xander lay back and scanned the beach for Ellie. He found her sitting in the surf. Her sand bucket and shovel sat next to her and the waves lapped at her ruffled blue bottom. But she just stared out into the ocean.
Concerned, he got up and walked down the beach to her. Crouching next to her, he leaned over and kissed the top of her head. "What's up, poppet?" He asked, using Spike's pet name for her.
She sighed, "Daddy was going to teach me how to swim this summer." Xander followed her gaze out to where several kids frolicked, diving under again and again.
"Well, I'm not your Dad, pumpkin, but I do know how to swim." He said softly. "Would you like me to teach you?" Ellie turned her limpid brown eyes on him and smiled waveringly.
"You'd teach me?"
"I would love to teach you, Ellie." He smiled back.
---
"Uncle Xan! I can't touch out here!" Ellie's voice trembled. Xan hugged her close to him.
"It's okay, love." He soothed. "We're only up to my chest. I can touch just fine and there's no way I'll drop you." He brushed his lips across her cheek. She still looked warily at the water, but relaxed into Xander's grasp. Slowly, so as not to frighten her, he eased her into the water.
Keeping his hands beneath her he taught her how to float, then how to kick and move her arms. By the time an hour had passed, Ellie was dog paddling around Xander in circles while he held his hands in the water under her in case she needed catching. Her eyes sparkled and her laughter rang out. It was the most beautiful thing Xander could remember hearing.
Finally, his toes were so waterlogged that they had to get out. As they approached the shore, Nate came down to join them.
"Have fun, Ellie?" He tugged a sodden lock of his sister's hair. She nodded with a ferocity that shook water droplets all over him. He dodged out of the way, laughing.
"Wanna help me make a sandcastle?"
She nodded again and plopped in the wet sand. Nate followed, as did Xander. They had the moat and the first level of a rather impressive castle made when Nate suddenly frowned and looked up, scanning the beach.
"What's wrong, Nate?" Xander asked, looking around also.
Nate zoomed in on the volleyball game…and his sister. "That prick in the green trunks…" He hissed.
Xander peered across the distance. "What? What did he do?" He could see the game in progress. Lys and Green Trunks were on the same side. It looked as though the flirting had increased.
"Nothing yet. But he's planning on it. Pervert." Nate practically growled. Note to self, Xander thought. Tell Willow that either the bond is wiggy, or Nate is taking growling lessons.
"Why is he a pervert?"
"What's a pervert?" Ellie asked innocently, dumping another pile of sand on the castle. Xander shot her a look.
"Don't worry about it, honey. I'll tell you later." He continued to watch Lys.
"Uncle Xan," Nate sounded worried. "You have to make her come away. He's trying to get her to go for a walk down the beach. But what he really wants to do is…" He glanced at Ellie. "…bad stuff." He concluded lamely.
"How do you know that?" Xander eyed him carefully.
"Um, twin stuff, I guess." Xander could tell he wasn't telling the truth, but saving his niece from the clutches of a raging hormone on legs took precedence.
"I'll get her." He stood and made his way through beach blankets over to the game.
"Lys!" he called. "Time for lunch." Lys looked up at him in irritation and went back to talking to the boy. Xander trotted up to her side. "Hi," he smiled, looming protectively over her and eyeing Green Trunks. "Guess you didn't hear me, kiddo. We're gonna have some lunch. Why don't you come on back?"
Lys sighed and rolled her eyes, laying a hand on Green Trunks. "Uncle Xan, Ronnie and I were just going to go for a walk. Besides, I'm not really that hungry."
Xander stared at Green Trunks until the boy actually blushed and lowered his gaze. "Really?" He said, not taking his eyes off the boy. "Why don't you take a minute to discuss how Ronnie 'feels' about going with you for a walk down the beach. And what you might be doing when you get there?"
Come on, Lys, he mentally prodded. She looked confused for a moment, then disgusted with Xander. But he could tell the seed had been planted. He could almost see the wheels turning as she gave in to curiosity and 'read' Ronnie. Now the disgusted look was turned on the boy.
"You prick!" she glared. Snatching the volleyball out of the air, she hucked it at Ronnie's face with all the finesse of a sledgehammer. He caught it in the nose and fell backwards. Lys linked arms with Xander and walked away from the crowd gathering around the downed boy.
"That was gross." She sounded angry and embarrassed all at once. "He wanted to…well," she blushed. "I guess you know what he wanted to do. Otherwise you wouldn't have come over, huh?" Xander hid a smile.
"Actually, your brother sent me over. He was worried about you." Lys looked at her brother as she walked up. He avoided her gaze.
"Hey, Nate," she said quietly. He froze, then met her gaze. "Thanks, big brother." She smiled at him softly and he returned it with an embarrassed look.
"Yeah, no prob. Wanna help us build a castle?"
---
"That's a really cute castle!" Xander looked up to see two brunettes in string bikinis standing over them.
"Thanks!" He smiled at the girl in the pink bikini.
"It's so sweet to see an older brother taking his little brother and sisters out to the beach."
"And helping them make sandcastles, too!" Added the one in the red bikini.
"Well, I'm normally a carpenter, but decided to work with a different medium today." He laughed.
"A medium what?" asked Pink Bikini. Xander's smile faltered for a moment, then he laughed again.
"Oh, never mind. Not important."
"You'd think as much paint as they're wearing, they'd get it." Nate mumbled under his breath to Lys. She snorted, and then blinked angelically up at the women.
"Hi, I'm Lys. This is Ellie and this is N-"
"So, what's your name, gorgeous?" Red bikini simpered at Xander.
Lys and Nate traded looks again.
"Um, Xander. Xander Harris."
"Ooo, Xander! That's a cool name." Pink cooed.
"So, Xander. Want to take a swim with us?" Red posed, her hip thrown out to the side.
"He can't swim." Nate said brusquely.
Xander's eyes widened and he looked in confusion at Nate. Ellie started to open her mouth, but Lys pointed out a seashell near her feet and distracted her.
"OH, that's too bad." Pink looked disappointed.
"Aww, now I don't get to show the big hunky guy what I look like when I'm wet." Nate pouted in a whisper, his back turned away from the girls.
"Um, well, anyway," Xander recovered, "I would really like to finish the castle with the kid, first."
The girls looked at each other and Nate and Lys could nearly hear the awwwwww, in their heads.
"Wow. What devotion." Red nodded her head wisely.
"I think I'm gonna hurl." Lys whispered back to Nate. He nodded.
"Well, then how about you meet us at the Bronze for drinks later tonight?" Pink leaned over to give Xander the best view of her cleavage possible.
Lys rolled her eyes. Nate turned around. "He has to watch us tonight." Xander blinked, staring at Nate, who pointedly ignored him.
"We could come over to your place," Red ran a finger down Xander's muscular shoulder. "Maybe watch a movie, or…something, when the kids go to bed." She bit her lower lip. Lys didn't even try to hide her indignant look. That was her uncle, dammit!
"Well, I really don't think Uncle Xan's boyfriend would be too hip on Uncle Xan watching a movie or doing…something whether we go to bed or not." Nate said nonchalantly as he flicked sand at their feet.
Their shock was so great that, for a moment, they didn't notice the grains of sand sticking to the sun tanning lotion slathered on their legs. After their mouths shut, they glared at Nate and walked away without a goodbye.
Xander watched them go with a shell-shocked look on his face. He turned to Nate.
Nate shrugged. "Just trying to keep you on this side of fidelity, Uncle Xan. Not to mention that any children from that side of the gene pool would be truly scary."
Xander tried to be angry, but Nate and Lys's smug looks only made him grin. "Yeah, yeah…so they weren't the brightest berries on the bush. But as for fidelity, you know that Spike and I are not a couple, Nate. You should really not push him. It upsets him." He stared sternly at Nate, then Lys. "And I promised him not to bring it up."
They nodded and looked back to their sand castle. Sneaked peeks proved that the wistful tone in his voice matched the one on his face. Glancing at each other, another nod came from each as an unspoken agreement passed between them.
Chapter TwelveXander noticed the twins acting strangely. He kept walking into rooms and finding one or the other of them in a huddle with one of the scoobies or Cordy. As soon as they saw him, they would begin talking loudly about clothes or demons. Not normally a problem, except that it was Nate talking about the clothes and Lys talking about the demons. After the fourth time finding them whispering, he went to Spike.
"Do you know what's going on?" he asked as he shoveled cookies off of the baking sheet for the vampire.
"I have no idea, pet." Spike replied, hissing slightly as his hand brushed the oven rack. "Bloody hell! They've been avoiding the kitchen. I think it's cause they know I can hear them if they get too close." He shook his hand and glared at the oven. Xander put the spatula down and reached behind the curtain in the kitchen window.
When he drew his hand back he had a tiny piece of plant. Snatching Spike's hand out of the air, he held it still while squeezing the aloe vera on the burn. "So, you can hear them, huh?" He grinned. "Wanna do some recon?" Spike returned his grin.
"Sounds like fun, luv."
Xander finished swabbing the burn and tossed the spent bit of plant in the garbage. "There, all better." He patted the vampire's hand. As he tried to release it, Spike gripped tighter. Xander looked up into mischievous blue eyes.
"I haven't gotten my make-it-better-uncle-Xan kiss." He pouted. Xander's breath sped up. His gaze was drawn immediately to Spike's lips, moist and slightly open.
"Well, I guess I have to do something about that, huh?" Xander breathed absently, still staring.
He closed his eyes to break the spell Spike's lips seemed to have put on him and raised the vampire's hand to his own. Feeling suddenly wicked, he turned the other man's hand palm up. Softly, he dropped a tiny kiss there, feeling Spike's fingers close around his chin.
Leaving his lips against the cool flesh, he parted his lips slightly and let his tongue dart out to taste. Spike's entire body tensed. The vamp felt the warm tip of that tongue send shivers through his body and his cock twitched in response. Xander lifted his head and let go of the vamps hand.
Dazedly, Spike let him. "So, all better yet?" Xander asked.
Spike shuddered at the husky tone in Xander's voice. "What would you say if I told you I have other owies?" He forced a snarky grin, which faded as he watched a fire light in Xander's chocolaty brown eyes.
"I'd have to say you should let me check for them."
"I-"
"Uncle Xan? Uncle Wil? Oh, there you are!" Nate could have kicked himself as he watched Xander and Spike jump apart. He had obviously interrupted something.
"N-Nate." Xander smiled, turning so that the kitchen island covered his crotch. Spike turned back to the sink and began filling it with water. "Something we can do for you?"
"Er, yeah. Cordy wants to talk to you in the living room." He took a final look at the two men and sighed. "I'll tell her you'll be out in a minute."
"Yes. Yes, that's good. In a minute." Xander babbled. As the door shut behind Nate, Xander and Spike shared a glance. Spike's lips twitched. Xander shook his head. Spike snickered. Xander grinned. In a moment, they were both leaning onto the counters as the laughter rolled through the room.
"Come on, pet." Spike wiped his eyes, still chuckling. "Let's see what the prom queen wants."
---
Xander rolled his eyes at the picture of innocence that the girls made. "So, you girls want to have a slumber party.""Yes! It'll be great!" Lys bounced on her toes. "Please Uncle Xan? Uncle Spike?" She looked pleadingly at her uncles. Xander grinned.
"I don't know…" he began, but couldn't continue as the smile started to fade on Lys's face. "Of course you can have a slumber party, sweetheart." He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. "But if you take Ellie and all the girls, that means the guys get to have a guys night, right?"
He knew he'd stumbled onto something when the girls exchanged nervous looks. Cordy smiled hugely and nodded.
"That'd be great!" Xander watched her shoot a look of death across the room. Angel cleared his throat and stood up from his spot on the couch.
"Hey, Xander. Actually, Giles, Wes and I were kinda hoping that Nate help us out with some research we need to do on a demon problem we're having in LA." Spike shook his head and flopped into a chair, disgusted at his Sire's pathetic cover.
Xander raised an eyebrow. "Really? And I guess that this research would be too boring for me and Spike, huh?" Spike grinned up at him. "So we shouldn't even bother to offer to help, should we?"
Angel dropped his gaze guiltily. Shuffling his feet he glanced at Cordy. "I told you someone else should suggest it." Cordy glared at him, then squared her shoulders.
"Fine." She announced. "The girls are going to have a slumber party…at Buffy's house. Angel, Wes, Giles and Nate are going to spend the night at Giles' house. You two are going to have the whole house to yourself." She looked pointedly between them.
"The kids should be far enough away not to be…affected…by anything you do." Xander blushed and opened his mouth to speak. Cordy overrode him. "I suggest you two take this opportunity to have a serious discussion."
Willow stepped forward and put her arm sportingly around Cordy. "Definitely." She narrowed her gaze at Spike. "I think there are some things 'long overdue' that need to be said." She turned and smiled at Lys. "Get your stuff sweetie. I'll help Ellie. We'll pick up dinner on the way to the house."
Spike and Xander sat on the couch, baffled, as the twin whirlwinds of Cordy and Willow took control of their household, shepherding everyone out. With a final stern look from them both, the door shut and the men were left alone. Long moments passed before they even took their eyes off of the doorway.
"So," Spike finally ventured.
"So."
"I think we've been pretty well manipulated tonight."
"I'd say so."
"I'm thinking they just aren't listening to us. What do you think?"
"Pretty much."
"So."
"So."
They glanced at each other and as one, burst into laughter. Gasping for air, Xander stood up. "I'm going to make some popcorn. Might as well watch a movie if we're going to be alone the whole evening."
Spike grinned back. "I'll get us some beers."
---
"Angel?" Nate asked, swinging his leg in the overstuffed chair as he read yet another book on vampires.
"Mmm hmm?" Angel looked up from polishing one of Giles' ancient daggers.
"What's it like to be with another man?"
Angel froze. For long moments, he couldn't even blink. Then, that seemed to be all he could do. "Er…why do you want to know?"
Nate sighed and closed his book, putting a finger in-between the pages to hold his place. "Well, it's just taking so long for Uncle Xan and Uncle Wil to get together. I was just wondering if it was because they were scared of what it will be like being…together."
He tried to keep from blushing, and when that failed, he raised his chin defiantly. Angle smothered a smile. Not even related, yet so like his Uncle Wil.
"I think what's keeping them apart is something far more frightening. Spike is terrified to admit that he needs Xander. Xander can admit it, but he promised Spike not to push."
Nate frowned. "Oh. Well, how do you tell if you're gay?"
More blinking. "Um, well…I suppose you are attracted to men before women."
Nate cocked his head. "Are you gay?"
Blink. "Um, no. But vampires tend to er, play both sides of the fence anyway."
Nate nodded. "Have you ever been with another guy?"
Blink. "Yes."
"Did you love him?"
Angel stepped back in his mind for a moment, remembering Spike when he was William. When he peered from behind brown curls, the same piercing blue eyes holding Angelus' gaze as he bucked against his Sire. He heard the soft gasps of pleasure and saw the naked need etched on every line of his boy's face. Need for him. For his touch. Oh, yes.
"Yes. I loved him very much." He replied softly, with a smile.
Nate returned the smile, and it held a touch of knowing that disturbed Angel.
"Did it bother you that you were in love with a man? Especially at a time when that was frowned upon?"
Could he? No, he was guessing. He hoped. "No. I didn't really care what others thought. He was mine."
Nate nodded. "Sometimes I think people are so stupid. They'd pass up their true soul mate, their greatest chance of love and happiness, just because the other person has the same parts as they do."
Angel quirked a lip. Sometimes, this boy was so mature, it was scary. "Very true, Nate."
"When I get older, I'm going to look for someone to love first, and worry about if they are male or female later."
Angel smiled. "And when you find that person, Nate, he or she will be very lucky indeed."
Nate ducked his head, smiling shyly, and went back to reading his book.
---
"Buffy, I'm going to put Ellie to bed in Dawnie's room. She's conked out already." Tara smiled at the sweetly sleeping princess in her arms. Buffy nodded and hopped up to kiss Ellie on the cheek.
"Let's play truth." Dawn said, wiggling down into her sleeping bag. Lys looked quizzically at her.
"Isn't it supposed to be truth or dare?"
Dawn grinned. "This way everyone has to answer. No wussing out on cheesy dares."
"I'll go first!" Willow grabbed the popcorn before settling into her sleeping bag as well. "Cordy…" Cordy looked warily at her. "Have you kissed Angel?" Ears perked up and Cordy blushed.
"I liked the wussy dares," she muttered. Willow threw a pillow at her. "Fine, fine! Yes. I have kissed Angel."
Buffy blinked. "Really? Well, dammit. I don't know whether to feel all 'way to go Cordy' or 'you bitch, you stole my boyfriend'." Cordy smiled at Buffy.
"Well, thank you for the kind though, Buffy, but he was asleep when I did it."
"What?"
"I found him asleep on the couch one night and…he just looked so cute, all snuggled down in his blanket." She blushed. "I just wanted to see what it would be like."
"And?" Willow threatened her with another pillow as she appeared ready to stop talking.
"It was…nice." Cordy murmured with a smile. "He has very soft lips." She looked mortified about two seconds after the words came out of her mouth. "I'm sorry, Buffy."
Buffy grinned. "Hey, he's not mine anymore, Cordelia. It was a gut reaction. More power to you."
The two girls smiled across the room at each other.
"That makes it my turn." Cordy grinned evilly at Willow. Willow paled.
"I want to know…" she paused for effect, "how long Dawnie has had a major crush on Nate." Willow's look of relief was surpassed by Dawn's look of horror.
"I-I don't know wh-what you're talking about!" She stuttered.
Buffy smacked her with a pillow.
"What?" She tried to look offended, but no one seemed to be buying it. Even Tara, who'd come back in from putting Ellie in bed, didn't look convinced. "Fine. So I think he's hot. So what?" She crossed her arms and glared at the room in general.
"He is pretty cute," Tara ventured. "If I weren't a lesbian and he weren't jailbait, I'd go for him." The whole room fell silent as the girls stared at the normally quiet girl in shock.
Tara grinned. "What? You think just cause I never say anything, I never think it?"
---
The movie in, Spike and Xander sat on the couch sharing popcorn. "Hey, come over here." Xander smiled, patting the couch next to him. Spike hesitated only a moment before sliding the distance between them and nestling against Xander's side.
"I saw Anya yesterday." He offered suddenly. He waited, every nerve in his body attuned to Xander's reaction.
"Really? I thought she'd left town." Nothing. Not even a tensed muscle. Spike crowed inwardly.
"Yeah, she was hanging off of a chaos demon."
Xander snorted. "What is it with women and chaos demons?"
Spike grinned. "Can't say as I know, mate. Dru seemed awfully fond of them, though."
Xander rested his cheek on Spike's head. "I bet when you were draining the world with Dru you never thought you'd see the day you'd be cooking dinner for the Slayer and her friends, huh?"
He felt Spike shrug. "Never really thought about what I'd be doing in the future, luv. At the time I was with my dark princess, I never considered there would be a time we weren't without each other. We were immortal and we were in love."
Now he felt the reaction he'd been expecting when he mentioned Anya. Xander tensed up and tightened his grip around Spike's shoulder.
"There's not really any point in thinking about tomorrow when you'll live forever."
"So, you never think about tomorrow, then?" Xander asked quietly.
Spike chuckled humorously. "Actually, Pet, I think about tomorrow nearly every second these days."
"Why?"
Spike shifted in Xander's arms until they were looking at each other. "Because the people I've grown to care about the most aren't immortal." He answered softly.
Xander stared into the blue depths, trying to decipher what he saw there. "So what are you going to do when we're gone?"
He saw the pain shoot through Spike's eyes; the hopelessness.
"I don't rightly know, pet."
"But you've thought about it."
Spike nodded. "Yeah. I've thought about it."
"Will you turn us?"
"No!" came the vehement response. "I told you before, Xan. I want you all the way you are. Not some monster with your faces."
Xander tilted his head as a light came on in his brain. "Is that why you won't tell me how you feel about me?" He knew he'd touched on it when Spike jumped as though tazered. "You won't tell me because, when I die, it will hurt less if you can say that you never loved me? If you can tell yourself that, since you never said the words, it wasn't true? Is that how you plan on getting through eternity, Spike?"
His quiet accusation hurt more than his screams would have. Spike felt the words stick in his throat. He wanted to take the boy in his arms and kiss him senseless. He wanted to brand every inch of glorious skin with his breath, his mouth, and his tongue. He wanted to yell from the rooftops how much he loved this man-boy. His Xander. What came out was different.
"Wot the hell makes you think I'll dwell on the likes of you for eternity, whelp?" he bit out sarcastically. Instantly, he wished he could take it back. He watched the doubt creep into Xander's eyes. He saw the bleakness settle into place again and Xander nodded, loosening his hold on Spike.
"Of course not, Spike. How stupid of me." He pulled his arm totally away. "I should have realized you're in this for you. I'm not really surprised." He forced a weak, self-deprecating smile. "What is there really to love about me? I couldn't even get my parents to love me. Why the fuck should someone like you love me?"
He made to stand. Spike grabbed his arm and jerked him back down into the vampire's lap. "Don't you ever say that, Xander Harris." He hissed. "There isn't a bloody thing wrong with you. You're a good person. You are smart, beautiful, funny, gentle and caring. If anything, I don't deserve you."
Xander looked up at him, tears filling his eyes. "Then why?" He whispered, searching those blue eyes again. "Why won't you love me? What can I do to make you love me? I know I promised you'd never have to say it. I meant it. You don't have to say it." He choked back a sob. "But can you feel it? Is there anything I can do, anything I can change to make you feel it?"
Spike took the brunette's face gently between his hands. "Love, there's nothing you can do that will make me stop loving you." He leaned forward and captured Xander's lips. They ghosted softly over the boy's mouth, nibbling on the corners. Xander gasped at the feeling and Spike took advantage of that to slip his tongue into Xander's sweet mouth.
Xander moaned as Spike twined his tongue around his, tickling the roof of his mouth and tracing the line of his teeth. His hands came up to tangle in Spike's shirt. He leaned backwards, tugging the vampire on top of him. Spike willingly went, covering his love with his body. Shifting slightly, Spike rubbed his denim-clad cock against Xander's, causing them both to moan appreciatively.
Spike pulled away. Xander whimpered in disappointment. Dropping a tiny kiss on the boy's nose, Spike propped himself up on his elbow. "It's killing me, Xander." He whispered. "Being in love with you is killing me. I know I should leave you alone. I should leave those beautiful kids alone."
When it looked as though Xander may protest, he placed a single finger on Xander's lips.
"I know someday, I'm going to lose you. To a demon, to disease, to old age. Doesn't really matter. I am going to lose you. I will never turn you. I love you far too much to watch you slip away as a demon takes your place. One day, I'm going to lose the kids. I can't turn them either."
His voice broke. "I can't keep you with me, Xan. Any of you. I have eternity in front of me, luv. Whereas before, it was exhilarating, knowing I'd be around forever, now it looms over my head like a poisonous cloud. What happens when you're gone? If it were just you and I, I'd bury you. I'd plant roses at your grave and put up a huge headstone that told of how brave you were and how much you were loved. Then I'd lay down on your grave and wait for the sun to find me."
Xander clutched Spike closer as tears spilled down his cheeks to soak the cushion below. "But it's not just you and me, luv. It's the kids, too. I can't leave them alone. If you go, I have to stay and take care of them. All of them. Their children, their grandchildren. I feel like I'd owe it to you to keep our kids safe."
He closed his eyes briefly. "I'd be trapped here, luv. Trapped for all of my eternity. Watching our kids grow old and die. Watching the years between now and when I lost my only reason for wanting to live. I'd die a little every day forever, Xan."
Xander reached up and cupped his love's face in his hand. "Do you love me, Wil?" he whispered.
Spike opened his eyes and let everything he felt come into them. "Yes, Alexander LaVelle Harris. I love you."
Xander smiled through his tears. "Then it's already too late, Spike. You can only go forward. The best we can do now is cherish the time we have together."
He closed the distance between them and just held his shaking vampire. "I love you, Spike. I love you, so much."
---
Clink.
Buffy lifted her head from the pillow. No one else seemed to have heard the sound.
Clank.
She sat up and shushed everyone. The girls looked at her questioningly. She closed her eyes and concentrated on listening for all she was worth.
Crash!
Screams came from around the room as the bedroom window shattered. Willow and Tara tugged Lys and Dawn away from the shards of glass covering the floor. Cordy jumped up and threw her sleeping bag over the shards. Buffy flashed a quick thank-you smile and darted to the window on top of the protective bag.
She narrowed her eyes and scanned the street below for signs of movement. What caught her eye, however, made her groan and gently pound her head against the window frame.
"What is it, Buffy?" Cordy asked grasping the lamp she'd picked up for protection.
From below the window came, "Uh, sorry!…Didn't mean to do that…don't know my own strength sometimes. Really, sorry! Did I hurt you, my love?"
Another groan from Buffy and twin giggles from Willow and Tara. Cordy looked confused, but set down the lamp when it appeared no danger was imminent.
"Uh, what is going on?" she asked impatiently.
Through muffled snickers, Willow waved at the window. "Buffy's new beau: the vampire."
"Shut up, Willow." Buffy growled. Willow didn't looked affected; she just stood and helped Lys to her feet.
Cordy felt a smile twitching at the corner of her mouth. "This is the lovesick vamp you were having Spike protect you from?"
Buffy nodded and sighed. "What the hell are you doing, Anton?" She called out wearily. The girls crowded around the windows, peering down at the figure below.
Anton, seeing other faces in Buffy's window, looked sheepish. He brushed his waist length black hair out of his face and adjusted his black sweater. Black slacks and shoes completed the picture. He stood up taller.
"My most heartfelt apologies, ladies all." He swept a bow at the window. "I was but passing by and noticed my fairest lady's light on. I was not aware that she had company."
Buffy glared down at him. "You noticed my light on? What are you doing? Watching my room?"
"Of course not, lovely Buffy." He protested.
"How often do you watch my room, Anton?" she demanded. "All the time? All night? Are you stalking me in my own room?"
Her voice continued to rise and Cordy elbowed her. "Wigging much?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
Buffy took a deep breath and gripped the windowsill. "Well, Anton? Are you out there every night?"
"Of course not, my dearest." He smiled. "Sometimes you patrol, or go to the Bronze. Sometimes you go to the Magic Shop, or even-"
"Okay, Anton!" Buffy interrupted. "I get the idea!" The girls giggled.
"Oh, most beautiful lady!" He held a hand up in a supplicating manner and dropped to one knee. "What light through yonder window breaks? Tis the east, and Buffy is the sun! I burn in your brightness, my love. You bring back to me the glory of a summer day. You light up my dreary night with your hair of golden flames and your porcelain skin."
"Oh, dear lord," Buffy squeezed her eyes shut against the sight. Unfortunately, she couldn't close her ears.
"Oh, how romantic!" Willow cooed, and took Tara's hand.
"I-It's really beautiful." Added Tara.
"My truest love! I cannot take living on the fringe of your glorious existence any longer. Pleas! Come live with me, and be my love."
Buffy snorted. "Are you crazy? You live in a cemetery!"
"Um, Buffy. It's a poem." Willow whispered with a grin.
"Oh. Well, I'm still not going to be your love!"
"Ah, but my angel of the night, you already are my love. Please, let me be yours! Let us take hands and venture into the cold night together and warm it with the fires of our passions!"
"Ewww! I think not! Anton go away, stop following me, stop stalking me. I am the Slayer. You are a vampire. It's just wrong."
He dropped his head and for long moments, the girls watched, wondering. Soon, it became apparent from the shaking of his shoulders that he was crying. He looked up at the window, red tears streaking down his face. "I understand." He sobbed. "I lack the greatness of Angelus. I shall have to prove myself to you. I shall defeat a great evil in your name and make you proud of my love!"
"Ok, whatever." Buffy cringed. "Now go home, Anton. It's late and there are meaner things than you walking the streets of Sunnydale."
Anton smiled happily through his tears. "My heart trembles that you concern yourself with my safety, great lady. I bid thee adieu, mon amor. And to you as well Mademoiselles." He stood, bowed again and, had he a cloak; he would have twirled it with a flourish as he swept away. Of course, tripping over the brick-lined flowerbed next door spoiled his exit.
He caught himself before falling on his face and waved as if to say he was all right. Buffy groaned again and pulled her head back inside. Ignoring the snickers following her, she flung herself onto her bed again and covered her head with a pillow."