Family
By Velvet Crypt
Chapter FifteenThe rest of the day passed in a haze. The Scooby gang appeared like magic. Spike would have been wary of the witches and their spells had he not heard Wesley on the phone whispering the circumstances to Giles. So, Xander's original surrogate family sat in the living room, clustered around him. They comforted him and tried to cheer him up.
What bollocks. Though Spike knew that they meant well, it was bloody stupid to think a funny story remembered could dull the pain of having your children taken away. The Watchers both huddled in the kitchen nattering on about lawyers and codes and regulations. He knew they were trying to help too, but he really just wanted everyone to fuck off so he could mourn alone with Xander.
Finally, losing his patience, he headed up the stairs to Nate's room, knowing no one would follow him. He lay on the bed and curled around Nate's pillow, breathing in the scent of his boy. He squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face in the material, letting it soak up the tears that he refused to shed in front of the others.
He felt a hand on his back and tensed. Then, he recognized the strength in the hand and the coolness of the flesh. Bloody hell, he sighed inwardly, trying to wipe away the tear on the pillowcase before he looked up. Not that it mattered. Angel could smell the misery on him.
"What, Peaches?" He rasped.
"Everyone is trying to make Xander feel better." The older vamp said softly. "They think can guess how he feels and know what to give him in order to comfort him." Spike snorted. He glanced up at the dark haired man standing patiently at his side and flushed at the shared sadness in the deep eyes.
"They don't understand…can't understand how it feels, Childe. But they are trying the only way they know how. And it makes the pain lessen if they feel they are doing something useful."
Spike clenched his fists in the sheet. "Useful. I'll show them useful. I should kill the bloody bastards." Angel sat, willing to let the conversation drift over to the real reason Spike chose to be up here alone, suffering in silence.
"You should, yes." He agreed. "But you can't." Spike's eyes flashed.
"Don't you think I know that? Do you have any idea-" He stopped abruptly and slashed at the air with an angry hand. Angel met his furious gaze.
"Yes, Childe, I know." He whispered. I know how it feels to have laid claim to your kin and then have them taken from you. I know how it feels to know nothing you can do can help. To know that the only thing you have to offer isn't enough, isn't what's needed." His own eyes flashed yellow and Spike stared into them, transfixed.
"I know, Wil." I know the helplessness, the hurt…"
"Sire, I…"
"Shhhh." Angel placed a finger on Spike's lips. Sweet, sweet lips that belonged to another. His boy was no longer his. He'd lost him, lost his claim on him long ago. Wil ceased to be his when Angelus was caged, when he had to leave his boy and Dru because he lost that which made him a proper sire. When he gained that which allowed him to feel the agony his Childe was feeling now. What a trade.
Even though Angel hated the circumstances that brought them to this point in time, a small part of him reveled in the feeling of his boy in his arms, needing him again. He drew Spike's head into his lap, giving the younger man a tiny bit of privacy to grieve, and carded his fingers through soft blonde hair.
He set up a sub-vocal purr that resonated through both of their bodies and let his boy cry himself to sleep.
---
"Well, we're ready," Cordy said quietly. Quiet was the word of the day. The whole house would have resembled a mortuary, everyone whispering, somber words, dark clothing. She sighed as Xander just nodded in reply as he sat on the couch staring vacantly at the coffee table in front of him.
Shaking her head, she moved to hug Willow and Buffy goodbye. She took the shyly offered hand Tara held out and pulled the blonde into a hug as well. Kissing Dawn on the forehead, she tapped the perky nose that was still red from crying, and then kissed Giles on the cheek.
Wesley shook hands with everyone and Angel hugged everyone but Giles, to whom he gave a warm smile. As Angel stepped back, he glanced across the room and raised an eyebrow. "Spike?" Xander sat up, confused as Spike nodded and hoisted a bag over his shoulder. The vamp walked to the side of the couch and looked down at Xander.
"Spike? What's going on?" Xander asked, fear turning his voice into a whisper.
"I'm leaving with Angel." Spike replied quietly. Xander stood up.
"What are you talking about? Why?" A hint of desperation began to color his speech. Spike ran a hand through his hair.
"Look, Xan. This is my fault." Xander tried to protest, but Spike overrode him. "No. Listen to me, luv. If I were a woman, this would be bad enough. But, I'm not." He smiled wanly. "I'm your illegal alien, male, gay lover." Xander visibly flinched. "I can't do anything here, Xander. My normal methods of solving problems won't work. My presence is damnation enough for your parents. If I stay, I'll just give them more ammunition. Xander, if I stay, you'll never get your kids back."
Xander shook his head violently. "No. No, Spike. You can go back to the crypt, or move in with someone else. You can get your own place! You don't have to leave. LA is so far away." He concluded forlornly. Spike dropped his bag and took Xander by the shoulders.
"Xander, I'm weak. I can't stay here. I can't stay near you. Anywhere in this town is too close." He squeezed Xander's shoulders until the warning twinge from his chip began to buzz. "I can't be near you and not be with you." His eyes pleaded for understanding. "I want you, Xander. I want you in my bed, in my life. I want to wake up next to you every morning. I want to kiss you and soothe you to sleep at night. I want it all."
Xander blinked rapidly, but it didn't stop the tear from slipping silently down his cheek. Spike winced when he saw it and gently raised a hand to brush it away. "I want to be with you, Xander. And if you want those kids back, I can't be. I'm not strong enough to stay away from you. So I have to go."
Spike wanted to crush the boy to him and swear he'd never leave him, promise he'd never make him feel this way again. But he forced himself to let go of Xander's arms and take a step back. A sob broke from Xander's lips. "You said you couldn't live without me." He nearly whimpered.
"I said I didn't want to live without you, Xander." He corrected. "I never said I couldn't." With that final sentence, he watched something die in his love's eyes. Felt something wither inside of his own chest. "I will live without you, as long as I know that you and those kids are safe and together." He finished.
Calling himself seven kinds of bloody stupid, he none-the-less leaned forward and tasted Xander's lips one last time. He felt the boy sob against him and parted his lips to take in the sorrow. Caressing that velvet tongue with his own, he nearly threw himself at Xander and begged to be forgiven.
Steeling himself, he pulled away and lifted his bag again. "I love you." He whispered, and walked out the door.
---
Xander stared at the closed door, tears streaming down his cheeks, but no comprehension in his eyes. Willow tentatively moved forward and touched his arm. He looked at her, and the bewilderment in his eyes crushed her heart. "He left, Willow." He said, childlike. "Why does everyone always leave me?" Willow flung herself into his arms and fiercely embraced him, trying to show him all the love she felt in her heart."They forced my sister to run away; they hit me, they hated me, they told me everyday that I was a worthless mistake; they took my kids away, now they've driven away the only person I've ever really loved." He looked across the room and caught Tara's eye.
"Am I a bad person?" He asked confusedly. "Is that why they hate me so much? Is that why they can't let me be happy?" Tara shook her head soundlessly, drowning in the pain she saw in his eyes. Aren't your parents supposed to love you? But, mine don't. They never did. Why am I so unlovable my parents don't even want me?"
Tara rushed to embrace him too, followed by Buffy and Dawn. Giles hesitantly placed his arms around his 'children' and prayed to the Powers That Be to show some mercy this time.
---
If Cordy had thought the mood was morbid before, she was sadly mistaken. Angel handed the car keys to Wesley and motioned for Cordy to sit in the front seat. She shot a glance at Spike and saw an emotionless, barren face just before he climbed in the backseat with Angel.They had been driving for maybe 10 minutes when she heard the first choked whimper. She glanced at Wesley out of the corner of her eye and saw his slight headshake. She kept her eyes on the road in front of her, pretending she didn't hear the heart-wrenching agony being cried out in the lap of the older vampire.
Chapter SixteenThe Scoobies sat at the tables in the Magic Shoppe, under the pretense of research, but actually watching Xander stare at nothing as he reclined on the couch. Giles gently placed onto the table the book he had been pretending to read. "Ladies, I'm open for suggestions." He murmured.
Buffy shook her head. "I don't have any, Giles. I don't know what to do."
Willow shut her book as well. "How did the meeting with his boss go?" Giles nodded shortly.
"Quite well. I think it helped a great deal that the woman who took the children away is married to his supervisor. He was very understanding and put Xander on an extended leave. His job will be waiting for him when he wants it."
Tara looked sadly over at the brunette on the couch. "I think that may be a while." Giles sighed.
"I took the liberty of retaining a lawyer for him. I hope he won't mind."
Willow smiled slightly, "I'm sure he won't mind, Giles. Let me know if your lawyer needs any background stuff about Xander or Aly or his parents. I have a ton of stories. You should also have him check the hospital records for the number of times Xander was admitted with 'unexplained injuries' as a child."
Giles returned her smile. "Excellent idea, Willow. I certainly will take advantage of your suggestion and your offer. Has anyone heard from Spike, lately?" He continued. Willow nodded.
"Cordy got him hooked up online and he and I talk every day. He's having rage attacks that he can't explain and can't control. He usually emails me right after one, or talks to me on ICQ. We're working on…something." She flushed under Giles' scrutiny. "What? It's not magical."
"I see. Is it illegal?" He looked at her over the top of his glasses. She raised her chin.
"Do you really want me to answer that?" Giles grinned.
"No, not really." The girls giggled, the oppressing weight of the last few weeks forgotten for a moment.
"How about the kids?" Tara asked. "Has anyone heard about them?" Dawn raised her hand to get their attention.
"I can help you out there," she lowered her voice even further. "Lys looks horrible. She's lost a lot of weight and she looks weak and sad all the time. She almost always has this pinched look on her face like something is hurting her. She says hi in the hallway, but avoids me if it looks like I might want to talk."
Concerned murmurs rumbled around the table. "I don't know about Ellie, but Nate…" she shuddered, "Nate is messing up big time. He's in the principal's office nearly every day. He picks fights, refuses to do work, and he's gotten suspended 3 times that I know of in the last month. I heard the rumor that the police are waiting for another mess up and they'll be putting him in juvenile detention for a long while."
---Lys felt her body tremble as another shared panic/pain vision ripped through her. Ellie moaned into her pillow in the corner, having learned early on that the elder Harris's became physically violent if disturbed by terrified howling from the tiny room Ellie and Lys shared upstairs.
Ellie's visions were getting worse. They'd driven her into nearly a catatonic state. Lys could barely make it through a single day without getting lost in the emotions generated from her sister's visions. Ellie was developing the skill of blocking the actual pain she felt, for which Lys was alternately concerned and pathetically grateful. However, she couldn't do anything about the feelings that pain evoked. The only time Lys was free was at school.
She felt terribly guilty about that. She was desperate to get to school everyday, to get away from her baby sister. What kind of loving sister can I be if I can't stand to be around her much less taking care of her when she's like that? Not that Ellie wanted to be taken care of. She refused to be touched by anyone, including her brother and sister. She hadn't talked in nearly two weeks.
And Nate. Oh, God, Nate. All she could pick up off of him anymore was rage/hatred/despair. It hurt to be in the same room with him almost as much as to be with Ellie. Luckily…or not…he was seldom around. She knew he was getting himself into a great deal of trouble, with the Harris's, the school authorities, and the police, but she was afraid she'd lose her mind if she had to take on his pain too.
The Harris's were the worst. Sure, they gave them a room to sleep in and food to eat. But everything Xander and Spike had gotten for them was either thrown out or sold immediately, with the brusque explanation that 'things were different around here.' Neither Harris spoke with them. She couldn't remember the last time they talked this week to the kids that didn't include a gripe about something done wrong.
And the feelings they put off…hate/irritation/greedy glee/selfish possessiveness. It was awful. Lys didn't even pick up a single friendly emotion towards each other. Not that she felt she could handle a friendly emotion from them. The idea that there were people who were happy somewhere else made her want to cry. Every time she saw Dawn at school, she ran the other way. She knew the sad/pity/hope she could feel from a hallway away would send her over the edge if Dawn got too near her. And if not that, then the happy-my-life-is-nothing-like-yours emotions would.
Ellie started thrashing and Lys doubled over, trying not to throw up. She couldn't take it anymore.
---
Nate glared insolently at the juvenile officer in front of him who was writing on a notepad. Scritch. Scritch. The pen made it's way through one line and started on another.
[Poor kid. You hate to lose them to fate. Maybe if his parents hadn't died. Maybe if his sicko uncle hadn't had sex in front of him. Maybe he could have been saved.]
Nate narrowed his gaze. "Fuck you." He snarled. The officer looked up in surprise.
"Excuse me?"
Nate curled a lip. "You heard me. And I heard you." The officer looked confused, but shook his head and went back to writing. Scritch. Scritch.
[Well, this one is going to have a head start on prison. Snotty little bastard. Maybe I should bunk him with Mark. Maybe that'll teach him some humility. Or get the living shit kicked out of him. Snicker. Either way works for me.]
Nate rolled his eyes. If he knew where exactly the spot in his head was that allowed him to hear other's thoughts, he would have dug it out with his bare hands. He knew he was a fucked up kid. He knew most everyone felt sorry for him. Hell, that was why he started with the badass routine in the first place. He got tired of 'hearing' their platitudes.
Now, he didn't know, though. He felt bad enough about himself as it was, it was a living hell to 'hear' everyone around you, even those who were supposed to be 'there for him' think what a worthless piece of shit you were.
[Nate?]
He started in surprise. He knew his sister's mind voice when he heard it. After all, he'd been avoiding the house as much for not wanting to hear how close to the edge of a breakdown she was as he had been for hearing how much the Harris's hated them all.
[Nate? Can you hear me? Never mind. I know you can. I also know you can't answer me. Which is good. You'd just talk me out of it. I can't let you do that.] Nate sat up straighter. What the hell kind of stupid thing was she about to do?
[I'm leaving, Nate. I can't stay here anymore. I just can't. I'm sorry I let you down. Let Ellie down. But I'm losing my mind. I have to get away. Don't come looking for me. Don't tell anyone you heard me say anything. I love you. I love Ellie, too. Please take care of her. Bye big brother.]
And she was gone.
---
Angel winced as another plate hit the wall. He was going to have to remind Cordy to buy another set. Crash. Of course at the rate Spike was hurling them against the wall, maybe he'd better ask her to pick up some paper plates. He settled down with his paper and tried tuning his Childe out. He'd learned early on to avoid Spike at all costs during one of his rage attacks.
They were unexplained. He would be chatting nicely with one of them and the next second he was flying off the handle and trashing everything not nailed down in the room. He couldn't be reasoned with, hell, he couldn't be spoken to. He spoke in incomprehensible growls and snarls and seemed determined to eradicate anything that stood in the way of exorcizing his fury.
The worst part was when he looked at you and you felt the most intense desire to run. Then, having left the room, realized that your Childe, a vampire 100 years your junior, just frightened you away with his mind.
Just as quickly as it would begin, the attack would end. Spike was wrung out and as easily manipulated as a child after that. He apologized for everything he broke, everyone he frightened, everything he did. He would get a broom and silently clean up the evidence of his loss of control, then barricade himself in his room and type on the computer for hours.
Angel lay back on the headrest of the chair and sighed. My poor, poor Childe.
---
"Spike! Spike, I'm coming in." Angel announced firmly as he threw open the door. His superior eyesight picked out the other vamp lying on the bed, arm thrown over his eyes.
"What, Peaches. I'm brooding here. You of all people should respect that."
"Willow just called me. Lys was admitted to an LA hospital a few hours ago."
Spike shot up off of the bed. "What the fuck is she doing in LA?" He demanded.
Angel shrugged. "Apparently, she ran away. No one missed her for several days until the school called looking for her. They still had Xander's name down as guardian, so they called the house."
Spike began a low growl. "Those fucking pricks didn't even notice she was missing?" Angel shook his head, pretty sure which 'fucking pricks' Spike referred to.
"They said she was home every night and must have been just skipping school. Willow called Nate and found out that she told him goodbye via the link about 4 days ago." Angel paused. "Nate is in juvenile detention." Spike stared at him in disbelief.
"And these are the people CPS thinks can take better care of the kids than Xander?" he asked incredulously.
Angel sighed. "It's worse than that. Come on, we can make it through the tunnels into the underground parking lot of the hospital. I'll tell you everything the Sunnydale gang has found out."
---
Spike nearly broke his hand punching the concrete wall when he found out that the police were bringing Nate and Ellie to LA since the Harris's were 'unable to make the trip.' He raged for 10 blocks when Angel informed him that Lys was in the hospital for a drug overdose. Eventually, Angel threw him up against the wall and ordered him to calm down or he wouldn't take him to see Lys.
A docile Spike followed his Sire into the hospital and to the nurse's station. Angel was wishing for infuriated Spike nearly 30 minutes later as the nurse on duty informed them that she couldn't allow anyone who was not family into the room. She high-handedly referred to a list on her counter, which she stated held all the names of the family members allowed to see the teenager.
Mid lecture, she stopped and stared at Spike. She began trembling and Angel quickly glanced at the other vampire to see if he'd gone into game face in his irritation. He saw nothing but blue eyes fixed firmly on the nurse's green ones. In a moment, she nodded and picked up the paper in question. Without hesitation, she scrawled 'William Harris, Angel, Dawn and Buffy Summers, Willow Rosenberg, Tara McClay, and Rupert Giles' underneath Anthony and Jessica Harris, Alexander Harris, Nate and Ellie Harris.
Spike released her gaze and she swayed. Angel caught her and helped her to her chair. She thanked him for being such a considerate young man and ushered them right in when they told her their names again. Angel kept taking sidelong glances at Spike down the hall.
"What the hell are you staring at me for, Peaches?" Spike growled as they walked. Angel grinned. Spike tried to ignore him, but after a moment, grinned back and shrugged modestly. They stopped in front of the closed door to Lys's room and Spike took a deep breath. Pasting a smile on his face, he pushed the door open.