He's A Boy And I'm A Vamp

By Cecilia J

OK…so I'm thinking too bloody much. Or analysing my brains out I should say. But it's not that strange really, when you consider what I've been through this past week. Of course the usual crap with the slayer and the watcher, but also something very confusing…and alluring.

Curious?

Thought so.

Well, here's the deal; on Monday I for some reason found myself checking out the whelp. Yeah, you heard me. I was checking out *Xaaaaander*. And it wasn't in that usual annoying way, but in an *admiring* way! It totally freaked me out. And evidently it freaked him out too, cuz he caught me staring and thought I was trying to hypnotise him or something.

Then on Tuesday, I caught myself checking him out again - and liking it! I have no bloody idea why, but all of a sudden he just looked so damn hot! I mean, sure I noticed that he was kinda, *sorta* cute, but not like this. Everything about him was enhanced in some way… especially his ass. Now that thought *really* freaked me, and I got drunk right after the patrol. For some reason I thought that a heavy hangover the next day would make it better, but of course I was wrong. It got worse! Not only did I find him attractive *again*, but I even laughed at his pathetic jokes! It was the worst Wednesday of my un-life.

When Thursday came around, I was convinced that I was either under a spell or just plain mad. So I confronted Willow and accused her for putting a spell on me. But of course there was no spell. So instead I tried to accept the fact that I was mad. I figured that there had to be something wrong with my brain, like maybe the chip got fried, or I hit my head when I was drunk. But then I ran into *him* and I noticed that it wasn't only my head that was falling for Xander - my groin suddenly reacted. Once again I stared at him, and he gave me a disgusted look and a snappy comment before brushing past me. I don't remember what he said, but I do remember feeling his arm accidentally touching me. After that, I went home, got drunk and had sweaty dreams about him all night.

On Friday, I was a wreck. Another meeting was around the corner and I was actually *nervous* of going! Can you bloody believe that? Me nervous? For meeting *Xander*! Talk about hitting rock bottom! But I did go…eventually. Sneaked in and kept to myself in a corner, away from * him * and the others. Of course I couldn't help but to look at him once in awhile…he looked really good. His hair was a bit shorter than the day before, and his clothes seemed tighter…I got hard by just looking at him. But my plan of hiding in the shadows and sneaking out when the meeting was over crashed when the watcher made us do research. About what I don't know, cuz I ended up on the couch right next to Xander. Our legs were almost touching, and he was sitting closer than he had to. I tried to get my body to move, but my mind was too occupied memorising every shape and angle of his face.

They really should have let me go home, cuz I wasn't of any use, but Slutty just kept piling books on the table and ordered me to do research. So I opened the books and tried to read - but then something *really* disturbing happened. Xander put a hand on my thigh. *High* up on my thigh. I just stared at him and nearly dropped the book I was holding. He himself though didn't even look up at me, but kept on reading his darn book! And then he actually *squeezed* my thigh before removing his hand to turn a page! After that, I knew I couldn't stay there anymore and told the slayer to sod off before slamming the door behind me. When I got home I was pissed and swore that the whelp was deliberately driving me mad. I got drunk again, had another sweaty dream and jerked off. Fucking lousy Friday!

Saturday...yesterday that is. Woke up with a hangover (of course) and felt disgusted of myself. Actually I didn't get out of bed at all, not even to eat. I tried to sleep through the day, but then I would only have sticky dreams about Xander so I kept myself occupied with the television. Thought I was safe from the whelp and my reluctant feelings for him, but once again I was wrong. He came to my apartment. Xander bloody came to my apartment! And guess what the whelp did? He kissed me! Right on the lips, so soft, so sweet and *soooo* bloody good! Everything else is pretty much a blur, except for the kiss and when I kicked him out. I freaked and I couldn't handle it so I kicked him out and told him sod of to where the slayer was. Not very bright, huh? He looked really hurt, and then I noticed that it wasn't only my head and groin that ached for him. My heart ached for him too. I yelled for him to come back, but he just kept on walking. A ramble of apologies came out of my mouth but he still kept on walking and soon disappeared. I banged my head against the door before picking up a bottle to drown my guilt. I didn't have any dreams that night.

And now it's Sunday, late afternoon. I woke up feeling pretty much like I did on Saturday - hung over and guilty. But that only lasted until an hour ago, when Xander suddenly called and wanted to talk. We didn't exactly declare our undying loved for each other, but we at least got to straighten a few things out. And now I'm sitting here, thinking too much and waiting for him like a lovesick puppy. I asked him to come over so I could make up for last night. Just *how* that's gonna take form I don't know. We might rip our clothes off and have sex until we pass out, or we might take it...slow. Either way, I'm not so sure of what I want. I'm still not even sure if I can *handle* it. Cuz we don't have that much in common, now do we?

I mean, he's a boy and I'm a vamp.

But I might just keep him anyway...cuz that was one hell of a kiss.

 

~Fin~