I Love You
By Dark Childe
Spike was in here in LA. What kind of game was he playing. He had told Xander he was coming here, but then never shows up. Angel was overwhelmed by the information the Host had just given him. He held Xander tight and whispered soothing words to him."Well looks like you've rediscovered your connection to humanity. You do the comforting thing quite well actually, and not a word about ash and bone. I'm proud of you." The Host was his usual self though.
"The vampire, he was my childe, Spike. This is Xander he's been looking for Spike. What can you tell me about him?" Angel's voice was still soft soothing.
"Not much. He's been coming in every night for almost a week now. The other demons stay far away from him. Even more than they do for you. He's a fighter, never tried anything in my place, but word gets around. He's been killing demons left and right, mostly the real nasties. Last night he sang, and all I saw was the two of you. That's all I can really tell you, but if you want to find him, I'd suggest coming in tonight. I'm sure he'll be there, he always is."
Angel thanked him and sent him on his way. He then began the task of comforting the young man in his arms. He wished he could take all the pain away, but knew it was impossible; all he could do was hold him, let him know he wasn't alone. That seemed to be enough because Xander calmed quickly.
"Xander, I know you've told me you don't want the others to know you're here, but you have to know that Buffy will figure it out soon, or rather Willow will. Please let me call Cordelia. You need more than just me right now. She's changed so much in the last couple of years. She'll be on your side, I promise." Angel had just about reached his limits of what he could do for Xander. It was wearing him out emotionally. The others had started to notice and worry about him. He also wanted them to know before Buffy appeared in LA demanding to know what was going on.
"Okay, you can call her. The others too if you want." Xander's voice was quiet, resigned. Angel knew he was referring to Wesley and Gunn and not his friends from home.
"Stay right here, I'll be back in a minute." Angel pressed a light kiss to Xander's forehead, before disentangling himself and going to the phone in the other room. He dialled the number for Cordelia's cell phone and waited for her to answer.
"Cordelia Chase" Delia answered her phone with simple confidence.
"Delia, its Angel. Could you come over here please. Bring Wesley and Gunn. Xander is here, and he needs a friend. I'll explain everything when you get here, okay." Angel spoke quickly, unsure of what to tell Cordelia.
"Xander's there. What on Earth for? I know, you'll tell me when I get there. I'm coming, but I expect answers as soon as I walk in that door mister." Cordelia didn't wait for Angel to respond, she simply hung up on him.
When Angel walked back into the lobby, he found Xander fast asleep on the couch. The poor boy was exhausted. The emotions of the last week had been too much for him. Angel picked him up and carried him upstairs so he could sleep in a bed.
Fifteen minutes later Cordelia and Wesley were standing in his lobby. "All right, Angel, we're here. Gunn is busy. Answers now. What's going on?" Cordelia's tone demanded an answer.
"Please sit down. Xander's asleep, and I want to tell you why he's here, before you talk to him. Delia, can you do something for me? You are going to want to interrupt. Just let me finish the story. When I'm done you can yell all you like, but let me finish first, okay?"
Cordelia nodded and she and Wesley moved to the sofa. Angel paced back and forth, unsure of how to begin. Finally he decided to get past the big news first. "Xander came to me looking for Spike. He's in love with him. Spike loves him also." Angel paused here, expecting an outburst from one or both of the humans in front of him. It seemed as though Wesley was too stunned to speak however, and Cordelia was biting her tongue, literally, to keep from interrupting. So he continued, "I don't know everything, Xander has been to distraught to make much sense, but it all started about a month ago. Spike had become fixated on Buffy. He confessed his love to her and she rejected him. The same day, Anya left Xander, searching for a normal life. Somehow, Spike and Xander ended up comforting each other. I'm going to try to make this as painless as possible. Spike and Xander had been sharing a bed for a month. Then Spike just left. He left a note telling Xander he was coming to me. He was afraid of what Buffy would do when she found out. Xander followed him here, but Spike never showed up. Xander has been here for a week. I've been trying to help him, but he needs more. Ok that's it. Yell away." Angel had tried to keep this to bare facts. He had spoken in a calm voice, hoping that they would accept things.
It surprised him when Wesley was the first to speak. "Angel, how do you know that Spike loves the boy?" It was a good question. Angel wasn't quite sure how to answer it, but he'd try.
"First, I know he's in town. He sang at Veritas last night. The host came to tell me about it. He said he couldn't see any future for Spike, because he was too strongly focused on one thing, Xander. He only knew to come to me, because there was an occasional flash of my image added in as well. Spike is obsessive, but when he fixates on a person it means one of two things, he is in love with them or he wants to hurt them. I'm convinced he doesn't want to hurt Xander. If he did, he would have stayed, exposed Xander to his friends, and then rejected him. Spike was always good at psychological games, not the torture that Angelus used, but games meant to turn people against each other. He was a master at those. His note to Xander said that Buffy would stake him and humiliate Xander, and that was why he was leaving. He's not scared of Buffy, not even with the chip. Buffy will never kill Spike, she's not good enough. Spike won't ever kill her either. Spike knows that. That means he was more scared of what Buffy would do to Xander. He left to protect Xander. The notes; he left one every night, he signed them William. William was, and is a romantic, just the use of the name lets me know that Spike loves him. I hope that makes sense to you." Angel prayed that they somehow understood. He barely understood himself, but he knew that his childe, loved Xander, knew it with his entire being.
Cordelia nodded, "So why didn't you tell us before?" It was a gentle admonishment. Cordelia seemed to accept everything she had been told at face value. She believed Angel.
"Xander asked me not to. He was afraid you'd call Buffy. He finally let me call you today, because he left enough clues with Willow that she is bound to figure this out, and when she does, they'll be here in a second. I wanted you to know before they showed up at your door." He was still using that calmed controlled voice, willing them to understand his actions.
"You're actually a little late on that score. Little Miss 'Moral Superiority' called me a couple of hours ago. She said Xander was missing and she thought Spike had done something to him. I was going to tell you today, but you called first. She seems to have left out quite a bit though." Cordelia sounded mildly annoyed, but Angel knew that was directed at Buffy not at him or at Xander.
Just then Xander came downstairs. "Hi Cordy, Wesley. Angel told you." The rest had done Xander a world of good. He'd lost most of the haunted look that had hung on him for the last few days. He didn't know what their reactions were, but he would face whatever they were. He wasn't going to run away from this.
Cordelia went across the room and hugged Xander. "Buffy called me actually. She had me worried about you big time, but Angel here tells me she wasn't exactly up front about things." Her words were warm, reassuring. Xander melted into the hug, still craving contact.
"So are you okay with this guys. I mean I know what Spike is. And my own record for tolerance isn't that great." Xander was surprised that they were taking things so well. He had expected Cordelia to explode with all the reasons he couldn't be in love with a soulless vampire. She didn't, she just hugged him tighter.
When she finally released him she said, "If you mean am I okay with the fact that your lover has killed thousands of people and threatened to kill you on more than one occasion, then no; but Angel assures me that Spike loves you. I've seen Spike in love, he won't hurt you. I want you happy Xander, if Spike makes you happy, then that's what I want." Xander was crying now.
Wesley came over and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "We can't choose who we love. Life would be much easier if we could. We will support you. Buffy has been deceitful and petty. We won't allow her to destroy your relationships, no matter who they are with."
"Thanks guys. If Buffy called, then I'm sure she's on her way here by now. I don't want to be here when she arrives. Where's this club, Angel." Xander definitely wanted to get out of here before Buffy showed up.
"Come on, we'll all go." Angel replied leading Xander out to his car.
A short time later they were all sitting at a table in the corner of the karaoke bar. They were all tense, waiting for Spike to appear. Unwilling to give up just yet. They waited for a long time.
Finally, just after midnight, Spike walked through the door. Angel was able to convince Xander to stay in his seat, while he went to retrieve Spike. Angel crossed to the bar, where Spike had sat down and ordered Jack Daniels, straight up. Angel walked up behind him and spoke, "Spike, would you like to tell me what you are doing in my town."
"Had to get out of Sunnydale, away from the slayer. Considering I can't feed, I was going to come to you, but had to work off some aggression first. Got a bit carried away." Spike's voice was flat, lifeless. He really didn't care what happened at this point. That voice scared Angel.
"Spike, come with me. I'm going to get you out of this place. We're going to fix things" Angel spoke gently but with a bit of command. It was a voice he hadn't used in a long time. It was the voice of Spike's sire, and he responded it to it. He stood and walked, blindly following Angel. When he reached the table, he finally moved up beside Angel and looked at what he had been walking towards. His vision narrowed, and the only thing he saw was the boy sitting at the table. He almost thought he was dreaming as he let out a whispered sigh, "Xander."
Xander couldn't stay still any longer, he nearly leaped from his chair. He ran around the table and pulled Spike close to him. "I came for you, Spike. I need you. I love you." His words were whispered against Spike's shoulder, barely audible even to himself.
Spike was overwhelmed. Xander loved him, he had to. He had followed him, given up his place, his friends. He wouldn't do that for Anya, but he did it for Spike. "Xander, you followed me. I was sure you would stay behind." Spike's voice was low, and shaking with emotion. Any doubts that Cordelia and Wesley had about Spike's feelings melted away as they watched the couple in front of them. Cordelia honestly didn't think she had ever seen two people more obviously in love. It was beautiful really. Just then Cordelia's cell phone rang.
Tearing her attention away from the scene in front of her, Cordelia answered the phone. "Cordelia Chase."
"Cordy it's me. Where the hell is everyone. I know that Xander and Spike are here somewhere. This is insane. Spike can't love. He'll only hurt Xander, and Xander should know better anyway." Buffy was furious. She knew she would find Xander in LA, but no one seemed to be at Angel's place.
"Buffy, just shut up okay. I'm not going to listen to this and I'm betting no one else at this table will either. We'll be back at the hotel in 30 minutes. You can wait there if you want. Is Willow with you?" Cordelia's own voice dripped venom. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"She and Tara are both here, tell me where you are, and I'll come to you." Buffy was being even more aggressive than usual.
"No. We'll see you in half an hour." Cordelia didn't wait for an answer, just turned off her phone. "Hey guys, I think it's time to face the music. Buffy's at the hotel. What do you want to do? I told her 30 minutes, that gives us about 15 to plan. Willow and Tara are there, so hopefully they will insert a little sanity to that side of the conversation."
Spike and Xander both paled at the thought of having to face Buffy so soon. They'd only just found each other, they should get some time at least. But Angel spoke clearly and strongly, "There's nothing to plan. I won't allow Buffy to hurt them, that's all there is to it. She can either accept this and go home, or fight me on it."
"Good plan Angel. Now I was thinking more along the lines of what to say to stop her from staking Spike on sight." Cordelia retorted, the exasperation evident in her voice.
"Nothing we can say will make her accept this, but we can keep her from getting close enough to Spike to hurt him. We'll just gather around him. She'll have to kill us, if she wants to kill him." Xander was deadly serious. He would not allow Buffy to harm Spike. She'd already hurt him enough for one lifetime.
"Okay, I can see you boys have things all figured out, don't know why I bothered to pad our travel time. I give up. We'll go with your plans. Just waltz right in shielding Spike with our own lives, and refuse to let her do anything about it. I guess it works. Times up, so it'll have to. Let's go." Cordelia's voice was heavy with sarcasm, but in the absence of another suggestion she would take Angel and Xander's plan.
They drove back to the hotel in silence. Angel's hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly that Cordelia was sure there would be fingerprints imbedded in it. Spike and Xander clutched at each other, staying as close to each other as it was possible to get. Wesley was fidgeting, nervous about standing up to the girl who was once his slayer. Cordelia just watched everyone.
They walked into the hotel, at least making a good show of being strong and confident. Angel moved purposefully, ahead of the others. Cordelia and Wesley flanked Spike and Xander, as if to shield them from Buffy. Xander meanwhile had finally disentangled himself from Spike and now the only place they touched was their hands. They held hands in what had to be a painfully tight grip.
Buffy met them just inside the door. "What the hell is going on here? I can't believe that Cordelia hung up on me. Has Spike tricked you all somehow? Xander, what are you thinking about? Vampires can't love. It takes a soul to love, you know that." Buffy shouted, not pausing for answers or explanations.
Angel shouted to get her attention. "Buffy that's enough. This is my home, and we will discuss things calmly or we will not discuss things at all. Do you understand me?" His voice was cold. How dare she say that his childe was incapable of love. Of all the creatures he had known, demon and human, Spike loved more completely than any other. Buffy didn't answer Angel, just stared at him as though he had sprouted a second head. "I asked you a question. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, Angel. I understand. Excuse me for worrying about my friends." Buffy practically spat the words at him, but she went and sat down on a couch. Willow and Tara still had not spoken a word, they stood back silently and watched. Angel motioned for his own people to sit as well.
"I am warning you Buffy, if you so much as look at Spike wrong, you'll be out of this hotel before you know what hit you. Don't test me on this." There was a low growling note to Angel's voice, and his eyes were flickering gold. It was the first time that Buffy had ever seen Angel lose control in anger, and it was directed at her.
Cordelia reached out and touched Angel's shoulder, "Angel, calm down. She's sitting, we're going to talk, okay." She used a low soothing tone like one would with a child. It seemed to work because Angel visibly regained his control.
"I don't know who told you that vampires don't love, but it's not true. We experience emotion the same as you, even without our souls. Spike loves more intensely than most. I will not listen to you say those words again. Spike is my childe, and therefore, is welcome to stay with me as long as he likes. Xander can do as he likes. If he stays, I will make a place for him here, but he is always free to go. It is his choice; not yours, not mine, and not Spike's." Angel's voice was back under control but still icy.
"Xander listen to me, you know this is insane right. I mean after all you're the guy who yelled at me for dating Angel, at least he had a soul." Buffy's voice had turned to pleading, trying to wheedle agreement out of them.
Xander answered her calmly, "Buffy, Wesley here told me earlier tonight that we can't choose who we love. He's right, believe me if I could, I would have just fallen for Willow when were 12 and we'd be married by now. Instead I have a long and not so happy track record of relationships, and you know what, this is the first one that actually makes me happy. I'm sorry for the way I reacted to you and Angel, I was wrong. Buffy, I need Spike, I love him. He needs me too, I think. I won't give him up for you. I won't give him up for anybody."
"Thank you pet. Didn't I tell you? I love you too. I need you, like I've never needed anyone before." Spike spoke softly, his words for Xander alone. Xander smiled and leaned over to brush a gentle kiss across Spike's lips. Buffy looked like she was going to be sick.
"What is it about this that really bothers you Buffy? Is it really the vampire thing? I don't think it is. Maybe it's just that they are two men, though I would have thought Willow and Tara would have gotten you past that particular issue. Maybe it's more than that though. Maybe you are just pissed off that two guys who six weeks ago, would have done anything for you, are now more interested in each other. That's it isn't it? You just hate losing your groupies." Cordelia was angry. Angry that the girl in front of her refused to see what was there. Angry that Xander had given so much for Buffy, but Buffy refused to allow him just a little bit of happiness.
Buffy looked as though someone had hit her, a sure sign that at least part of what Cordelia had said was true. She looked around her helplessly, "Willow, help a girl out here, you know it' crazy, right?"
"Sorry Buffy. I can't do that to Xander. Are you watching them, I mean really watching them together. Goddess, Buffy, you weren't this affectionate with Angel or Riley. They love each other. It's obvious to anyone who cares to look. I can't say I altogether approve, but the thing I want most in the world is for Xander to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted, since we were kids. Spike makes Xander happy. So, I guess, I'm stuck being supportive girl." Willow crossed the room as she spoke. She hugged Xander then turned to Spike, "But I promise you, that if you ever hurt him, I will put you in so much pain, you'll beg for the stake, and I think everyone in this room will help me."
Spike looked at Willow. The girl had fire, you had to give her that, and she was a good friend to his Xander. "Red, that will never be an issue. I'd never hurt him. Even if the chip came out today all of you, even the slayer would be safe, because to hurt any of you would hurt him."
Willow nodded and moved to rejoin Tara. Wesley spoke for the first time that night. "Buffy, I think perhaps you should go home. You aren't needed here. Everything is well under control." His voice was firm, more command there than he had ever been able to summon when he was her watcher.
Buffy shook her head still in shock at the events of the night. All of her friends had clearly lost their minds. "Fine, I'll go, but don't expect me to accept this, because I won't, ever. Willow are you coming?" Buffy was bitter, and her own anger was barely held in check.
"Not just now. I'll come home, but I'd like a chance to get reacquainted with everyone here. Besides Tara and I need a vacation. Goodbye Buffy." Willow was sincere, she really did want a chance to get to know these people. Cordelia who had obviously become a different person since high school, Wesley who now had steel to his manner, Angel who once could never deny Buffy anything. Even Xander and Spike, who had obviously changed right under her nose. She'd been too busy with Tara to notice.
Buffy shot her a look that could cause small children to run screaming in terror and Willow realised that she really didn't know Buffy anymore either. Buffy didn't speak another word, just left the building.
"Well that went rather better than I expected actually." Wesley said relieved that it was over.
"That is truly scary, what were you expecting a massacre?" Cordelia asked sarcastically.
"No, but I did think we'd have to fend off at least one physical attack on Spike's life, or existence rather."
"Hey guys, can we stay here. Don't have any money to speak of. I guess I should have asked before I sent Buffy on her way." Willow asked.
"Of course you can Willow. Any of you can always stay with me as long as you like."
Xander and Spike were ignoring everything around them. Their attention was solely on each other. They were just looking at each other, drinking in the sight. Memorising every line of the other's body, every plane of their face.
Angel interrupted their private moment. "Xander, Spike I think I ought to show you all your rooms. It's a little early for us vampire types yet, but I imagine you can put the room to good use anyway. Come on ladies I'll show you your room as well, you must be tired."
"Oh yeah, I can think of a thousand ways to use that room. You do realise, I've gone a week without touching you, don't you Xander?"
"Well, I guess we'll just have to make up for lost time." Xander answered him his voice husky with desire.
"Okay everyone, rooms, now. I love the two of you, but I will not allow you to make out in my lobby. Come on." Angel was ordering them now.
Spike snickered, but answered, "Yes sire." and got up to follow Angel to the bedroom he would share with Xander.
They had survived their encounter with Buffy intact. Life was changing, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. And for the first time in his existence, Spike was truly happy.