No Regrets

By Evil Willow

"I'm *not* having sex with Spike... but I'm beginning to think you might be."

Those were her exact words. I was shocked that she'd even think such a thing. More shocked than when I saw them together. And later when we found out about the Buffy-bot, I was strangely relieved. Because it meant that they weren't together.

But I wasn't relieved for any reason that the others would have expected. Not any reason that I would've expected, either.

It's been a week since he got beat up by Glory. Willow's been taking him blood and making sure he's okay. Today, Giles, Willow, Tara and I were at the Magic shop and Willow was all stressed out. She had some things to do and couldn't figure out when she'd have time to take Spike his blood. So I volunteered to go instead.

Now as I stand outside his crypt, I wonder how I manage to get myself in these situations.

Actually, it's not that hard to figure out. I just open my mouth and the most insane things come flying out.

Well, anyway, I'm here. So I might as well just get this over with. Give him the blood and then make myself scarce before he can figure out there's anything wrong. No need to humiliate myself any further by letting him know...

Nothing. There's nothing to let him know because there's absolutely NOTHING going on!

Right. Whatever. I take a deep breath and walk into the crypt. "Sp-Spike?"

Stuttering, now *there's* a good way to act calm and collected.

"Comin'," he says from somewhere below. I notice the ladder leading under the crypt, just as I see the platinum blond head rising out of the hole there.

Shit, he's not wearing a shirt.

Don't panic. That's all right. You don't have to look at that ...

..really well-defined--

SHUT UP! FACE! Look at his FACE!

I can do that. I swallow hard and clear my throat as I look at his...

Hell, it's not fair for someone to have such unbelievably blue eyes.

FLOOR! The FLOOR is better!

Check. Floor. Ew, what IS that green stuff?

"What're you doin' here?" he growls.

And I don't want to be rude so I look back up at his face but for some reason my eyes just can't help going... very... slowly. He's wearing

-really tight -

blue jeans. I'm glad he's facing me, though. Because I've noticed before, just how tight they are and have already memorised how great his ass looks in them.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I *SAYING*?!

And my eyes travel further upward. His stomach is flat and his chest is very well-defined. I wonder if he keeps in shape by working out, or just with all the fighting he does? There are a few still-healing cuts and fading bruises but otherwise he'll be okay. Good. It would be a shame to mar that perfect--

OKAY. Focus, Xand!

Yeah. Focus.

Except when I get to his eyes, they're amused. He's got that really sexy half-grin/half-smirk thing going. But instead of aggravating me, it just makes me more nervous and ...

No. NOT finishing that sentence. I do *not* get turned on by Spike!

"Bring me somethin', did ya?" he asks and walks closer to me. Something in his eyes makes me step back and he stops. He grins, that all-out, how-the-hell-do-others-not-get-weak-in-the-knees-when-they-see-it grin, and I grab for the tomb next to me to stay standing.

"Food!" I blurt out. "I mean, blood. Um, I mean, you know, pig's blood. SohereitisandI'llgonow..." I hold out the bag, hoping he'll just take it so I can get the hell out of here.

He reaches out and takes it and I swear he brushes my fingers with his on purpose. It's like a jolt of electricity and I shudder in response. Shit I KNOW I'm blushing now. There's no way in hell he can't tell there's *something* up with me. I mean, my heart is racing and my breathing is shallow. Spike's a vampire so he can tell those things already.

I close my eyes for a moment and will myself to calm the fuck down. Deep breaths. Slow down that heart rate. Spike can't affect me like this, it's too crazy! He's a soulless vampire, for crying out loud! Besides the fact that I am straight and very much in love with Anya! And did I mention this is SPIKE?! Spike, who's evil and obsessed with Buffy and had that freak Warren build the Buffybot, which was MAJORLY TWISTED! This is just... a weird fascination that's not going to be acted on, EVER!

I open my eyes and Spike's gone. Good. There *is* a shred of decency in him and he went back down that ladder with his blood.

I start to turn to go and then let out a very unmanly yelp when I discover he didn't go anywhere, other than right behind me. Before I can regain my voice, he's got me boxed in. The tomb is behind me, Spike's in front of me and his hands are on either side of me on the edge of the tomb. He's not touching me but there's an inch, at the most, between our bodies.

"Relax, Xan," he says smoothly. He's smiling and it's no surprise to me he's enjoying this. Xander Harris, meet the instrument of your complete and total humiliation.

"Spike--"

"Shhh," he says, putting a finger to my lips. "I always wondered when you'd figure out that you were attracted to me," he adds with a chuckle as he traces his thumb along my lower lip. The thumb continues down and across my jaw and then to my neck. "So, what was it? Was it when you confronted me about my supposed taking advantage of Buffy? You were so cute, being all over-protective of her.

"I'm not attracted to you," I reply, but I don't even convince myself. I mean, this *is* Spike. And male or female, I doubt there have been many people able to look at him and not find themselves attracted to him.

"Sure you are," he says, nodding. "Just you and me here, Xan. There's no reason to play games." Before I can try to argue further, both his hands are cradling my face and he kisses me, insistently. His tongue runs over my lower lip and I gasp for breath. This gives him the opportunity to push his tongue inside my mouth and I moan. I've never been kissed like this before in my life, he's so...passionate, as his tongue seeks out every inch of my mouth.

I don't react for a moment but then I give in. I begin to kiss him back, my tongue intertwining with his. He gives in and I dart my tongue into his mouth. His groan makes me lose every last bit of ability to fight this insanity that's overtaken me. I should push him away and get out but I can't. Not when it feels so... right.

He pushes up against me and I gasp at the feel of his coolness through my clothes. I hesitantly run my hands up his stomach and chest to his shoulders and he growls. That surprises me a little and I pull away.

He smiles at me and his thumbs brush across my cheekbones. He *smiles*. Not a smirk, not a sneer. A genuine smile. "It's okay, Xan," he says. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I can't," he shrugs. "You know that."

This is SPIKE and don't forget the Buffybot! Not to mention that fact that he'd rip my heart out if he could. Won't hurt me, my ass. He'll...

"If you wanna go..." he offers, dropping his hands to his sides and stepping back a couple of feet. "I don't want you to, but I won't stop you. But I'm *really* tired of trying to convince people that I'm not a monster."

"We've had that discussion before," I say with a frown. "Earlier today, as a matter of fact. You are a monster, a vampire. Dead man with a demon inside. Spike. William the Bloody. Weapon of choice being railroad spikes. Any of this ringing a bell?"

"Ya know, after what I did for Buffy and Dawn today, I'd *think* you could cut me a *little* slack."

"EXACTLY!" I yell. "Buffy! You are completely and totally obsessed with her and I have no interest in--

"In what, Harris?" he cuts me off. "Having sex with me? We both know *that's* not true," he adds, walking closer again. "I can tell you want me. And in case you still don't get it, yes I'm attracted to you. I don't kiss people I'm not interested in.

"Now, stay or go, but don't try to pretend your reasons for doing either are about Buffy. There's no more need to bring Buffy into it, than there is to bring Anya into it. They don't have anything to do with this. This is about you and me and whether you're going to act on what's between us or not."

Damn him. Why does he have to make so much sense? "I don't like you."

He chuckles. "Trust me, Xan, that's already been established. And the feeling is mutual."

This is where I should leave. I shouldn't even be *thinking* about his mouth and his tongue and his cold hard body pressed against mine... And this is NOT helping matters, I was supposed to be talking myself OUT of this. Instead, I'm seriously considering having sex with Spike.

I can't believe I'm seriously considering having sex with Spike. Have I lost my mind????

"You're not leaving," he says, stepping closer. "Is that my answer?"

Why does he have to be so fucking sexy, with that body and that voice and... that platinum blond hair that would only look good on him? I sigh, "If you make me regret this, Spike, I swear I'll..." And however I was going to finish, that threat is lost when he presses up against me and kisses me again.

I shiver when I feel his hands travel up under my shirt. He runs them up and down my ribs, and oh fuck his cool hands feel so good on my hot skin. My hands take on a life of their own and roam over his shoulders and down his chest. I pinch and twist his nipples, smiling against his mouth when I hear his groan. He breaks the kiss and I can't help the whimper at the loss of the amazing lips and tongue.

"I have no intention of *either* of us regretting this," he replies to my earlier comment. "But I do wanna take this downstairs where there's less chance of interruption," he suggests.

Oh yeah, very good idea. Considering the people who would be walking in... "Okay," I agree and follow him over to the hole in the floor and down the ladder. And I'm not thinking about stopping this now, even though that surprises me. I want it too much. I'm so hard and I've always been curious about this. Okay, not so much about Spike, at least not in my conscious thought process. Or maybe I have...I guess I can admit that to myself, anyway. Spike's really good looking and there's just something about him that gets under my skin. And he's been around for well over a hundred years so it goes to reason that he's very experienced in the sex department. Which would be what I've been curious about.

I look around when I reach the 'downstairs' area. It might be part of the sewer system, it's hard to tell. There are books all over the floor, and you wouldn't figure Spike to be much for books. But I guess if a guy gets bored enough... There's weapons and stuff and he's got a television down here, which looks familiar. Oh, yeah. It's one of many things he 'borrowed' when he left my basement room at my parents' house. There's also a really ratty chair which he probably got from the city dump. And there's a bed.

And now my mouth is really dry, because there's a bed. And it hits me; this isn't just two human guys fooling around. This is me, a very inexperienced, human guy about to have sex with a very experienced vampire guy. And that freaks me out a little, as it should. I jump with surprise as I feel Spike press up against me from behind, his arms snaking around my waist to hold me against him.

"Stay with me, Xan," he whispers in my ear before he sucks on the lobe. "No regrets, right?" I nod and groan and a little bit of the tension leaves my body as I realise he's not ripping my clothes off and pushing this any faster than I can handle. His hands start to unbutton my shirt as his mouth moves to my neck, sucking and licking as he moves to the back of it.

He pulls my shirt off my shoulders and moves his cool hands back to my chest. "Spike," the moan escapes me as he pinches and twists my nipples. This is so not fair, he can touch me but I can't touch *him*. Let's just fix that.

I pull away from him and turn around so we're face to face. The desire I see in his eyes surprises me. I know he said it but it's different seeing it. Spike wants me? Not many people want me. Anya wants me and ...well, that's about it. But now apparently I can add Spike to that category and that's too weird to think about too much.

He walks closer again and starts licking and nibbling at my throat. And I shiver because it reminds me that I'm here with a vampire and the only reason he's not ripping my throat out is because of a tiny little chip in his brain. And I've always wondered what it would feel like, those fangs in my neck. Would it just hurt? Or would it ... okay NOT going there.

I move my arms around his waist, up and over his back, and he starts to move us back toward the bed. His hands are still playing with my nipples and he's got me panting for breath by now and so hard I can't stand it. "FUCK!" I yell with surprise when he moves a hand to stroke me through my jeans.

"Not yet," he purrs as he continues to nibble at my throat. Shit, he purrs! Something I didn't need to know, because it turned me on so much more. And I didn't think that could be possible.

"Spike, stop," I gasp, pulling away from the assault of his teeth, lips and hands.

He frowns like a disappointed little kid and I have to keep from laughing. He looks so damn cute like that.

Cute. I think Spike is cute. Will the surprises never stop?

"Not stop as in stop for good, stop as in gimme a minute," I explain, trying to get my breathing under control.

"I don't wanna," he pouts and approaches me again. I open my mouth to protest but his lips are on mine and I sigh and wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him closer. He grinds his hips against mine and I whimper as I feel his hardness rubbing against mine through our jeans.

He licks down across my jaw to my throat and nibbles there for a while and I scratch my nails lightly down his back, smiling when he shudders against me. He pushes at my shoulders and I grunt in surprise as I land on my back on the bed, my knees hanging over the edge.

"I like that look for ya," he chuckles. He climbs up on the bed, straddling me and I groan as he grinds his hips against mine. "You've shaped up a bit from the chubby kid you used to be," he says, as his hands roam up my stomach and chest to my shoulders and down over my arms. I suppose from Spike that's a compliment and I decide to take it as such.

His hands reach my wrists and he lifts them up over my head, pinning them there as he leans down for another kiss. I whimper at the loss of ability to touch him and he lifts his head up again, smirking at me. "Want somethin', Xander?" I just glare at him in response and he laughs. I swallow hard when his hands slide down my arms and chest to my waistband. His eyes haven't left mine and I see the question in them. I nod and he smiles. He unbuttons my jeans and then pulls the zipper down slowly. He moves off the bed and pulls them off and down my legs, along with my boxer shorts. Then he just stands there, looking at me. Against my better instincts, I've left my hands above my head. Although it feels weird, being so exposed, completely naked. But he's not laughing, so that's of the good. In fact, he's looking at me like he wants to devour me and that thought makes me stifle and moan. I want this and I want it yesterday.

"My, my," he says as he moves to straddle my hips again. "What a ... nice... big surprise," he says as he trails a finger up the underside of my erection.

I whimper and buck my hips up. "Please," I gasp.

"Please....?" he teases but before I can scream or anything he's stroking me firmly.

"FUCK, YES!" I yell as I thrust up into his cold hand. It feels so good. "Shit," I whimper when he leans down and begins to suck and bite one of my nipples, as his free hand plays with the other one. He's bringing me so close to...

"No," I whine when he pulls his hands and lips away again.

"Scoot up the bed," he says. I obey quickly, ready to get on with this. I watch as he removes his jeans, licking my lips when I finally see all of him. Damn, his body's just perfect. Then he crawls up along the bed toward me and I shudder at the predatory look in his eyes. He settles on his side next to me and kisses me again, hungrily, a kiss that I return as hungrily. I reach down and take his cock in my hand and he groans into my mouth as I stroke him slowly but firmly.

He pulls away when he knows I need to catch a breath. "Xan," he says, looking in my eyes. "I think you know what I want but I don't want to hurt you... because that wouldn't work out to well for me," he adds with a little smile. "So we don't have to if you're not ready, I mean there's lots of other ways I can make you scream with pleasure." There's that smirk again.

Shit, he is so damn sexy when he talks like that. But the truth is I've been thinking, from the moment he kissed me, and maybe before that, about how it would feel with Spike inside me. And I want it.

"Do you think we can...?" I ask, though it's hard to put a sentence together, when his hand is roaming over my skin like that.

His eyes darken a little and he takes in a shuddering breath. I never noticed that before, that vampires breathe when they're... turned on, I suppose. "If you want to," he says, "I'll make sure that you're ready. You might feel a little discomfort but if you trust me, it'll only be a little."

Trust him. Yeah, that's easy, right? But the truth is, I know he won't hurt me because if he does he'll be feeling a lot more pain than me. So strangely enough, I can trust him. "Okay," I say.

"You sure?" he asks, with a really hopeful look in his eyes.

"You said you wouldn't make me regret this, so yeah." Even though I'm a little scared because I've never done this before.

"I meant it," he replies. Then he kisses me, a lot more tenderly than I would've ever thought was possible with him. After he's taken his time exploring the inside of my mouth he pulls away and rolls over. He reaches for something on the floor by the bed and when he comes back I can see it's a tube of lubricant.

"Remember," he says as he moves between my legs. "I'm not going to hurt you. Just relax, Xan." I nod again and he leans down and nuzzles my cock. I moan and he licks up the length, holding my hips in place as he takes it into his mouth.

"SHIT," I moan and thread my fingers in his hair as he sucks me better than Anya ever has. Damn, this is why not needing to breathe is useful. For the person on the other end of the blow job, anyway. I feel the tightening in my balls that tells me I'm so close. "Spike, I'm gonna--" I whimper when he moves his mouth away.

"Nice and relaxed, are ya?" he teases as he moves his hands behind my knees and pushes them up to my chest. I decide to be helpful and hold them there and he smiles at me.

I watch as he puts some of the lube on a finger and then that hand moves to my ass, trailing along the crack slowly. "Oh fuck," I groan and he chuckles. Then I feel a cold, wet finger teasing around my hole and I bite my lip in anticipation.

"Relax," he reminds me and I try. The finger pushes slowly into my hole and I groan at the strange sensation. He moves it slowly deeper as his eyes stay on my face the whole time. "Xander?"

"I'm ... okay," I gasp as I try to even out my breathing and force my muscles to relax around his finger. He moves it in and out and then he brushes against a spot that makes me shudder as I feel unbelievable pleasure shoot through my body. "OH god," I groan.

"That's it," he says, his free hand stroking my cock slowly but not firmly enough to make me come yet. "Just let yourself feel it, Xan." He pulls the finger out and then I feel two pushing back inside.

"Spike, wait," I wince as I feel a little discomfort from him stretching me. His fingers still and he watches me closely. "Okay," I say after a few seconds. "Just...slow."

"As slow as you need," he says as he pushes them inside a little deeper. I whimper when they brush that spot again and I buck up off the bed. He moves his fingers in and out of me, making me whimper and moan as I writhe on the bed underneath him. His fingers are moving easier now as I've gotten used to the intrusion and more relaxed. He begins to scissor his fingers inside me stretching me even further and I think I'm about to lose my mind from the way he's brushing my prostate almost continually. "SPIKE, shit, you're gonna kill me," I complain.

He chuckles. "Not part of the plan," he replies. His fingers withdraw and then I feel three pushing in this time. A little discomfort but I force my muscles to relax, as I take deep breaths. Ohhhhh shit, I didn't know he could be so giving. Okay, so granted, he has to make sure I'm ready. But he could've just said, fuck that and sucked me off and asked me to do the same to him.

"SPIKE!" I gasp and throw my head back as a fingernail scratches my prostate lightly. As I'm coming down from that assault, he withdraws those fingers and I feel the head of his cock at my ass. I look into his eyes and nod and he pushes very slowly inside.

"Oh fuck," we say in unison as he slides inside me, moving my legs over his shoulders.

"Stop," I say as I feel a little pain. He's so big, I don't know if I can do this.

"Look at me," he orders and I obey. "Xan, it's me, here. Stay with me."

Okay, that's better. He looks so concerned and worried that it calms me a little. Of course part of that concern and worry is caused by him not wanting the chip zapping him but I'll take it. He's holding still; even though I don't know how he manages to do that. I don't think I'd have that much self-control.

I take a deep breath and relax. I nod and feel him push a little further inside. I keep my eyes locked on his as he carefully and slowly moves deeper. "Shit, Xan," he groans. "You're so... fucking.. tight," he says as he leans down to kiss me, his tongue simulating what he'll be doing inside me soon. I whimper and hold his head to me, not wanting the kiss to end.

Finally, he's buried inside me and I didn't feel anything but a little stretching, nothing too painful. Lucky for both of us. He pauses to let me adjust to the feeling as he nibbles at my neck. My hands are moving over his back, rubbing and scratching. He growls and I moan. It makes my whole body vibrate.

"Do it again," I gasp.

He chuckles and then complies, making me whimper.

He raises his head up and looks at me. "Ready?"

"Yeah," I whisper.

He pulls out almost all the way and then slides back inside, easier this time and we both groan. He does it again and soon he's set an easy pace, thrusting faster as I get more comfortable with it. He rubs my prostate on each thrust and I start lifting my hips to meet his thrusts.

My fingers scratch down his back harder this time and he moans. I move my hands down to his ass, pulling him deeper inside me as I moan his name over and over. He's making me feel things I've never felt before with Anya. It feels so good I can hardly catch my breath.

He braces himself on one hand and reaches between us to stroke me and I whimper. "Harder, please." He obeys and I can feel myself getting closer to climax. He's growling and moaning and breathing hard as he continues to move inside me. His eyes keep doing this really freaky thing where they'll flicker yellow. I know it's the demon side of him but it doesn't bother me. I can tell he's afraid it will scare me, though.

"Spike," I pant, "I wanna see."

He looks at me in surprise for a minute. "Sure?" he wonders as he keeps thrusting inside me.

"Yeah," I say. "Positive."

His face morphs and I've never really watched any of them do that before, not up close anyway. It's really cool, actually. He doesn't look all that different, except for the ridges on his nose and forehead and the yellow eyes. But I know it's still Spike so I'm not afraid. I reach up to run my fingers over the ridges in his forehead and he closes his eyes and purrs.

I made Spike purr, that is too cool. I smile at the thought and he leans down to kiss me, carefully. I slip my tongue into his mouth, and lick the undersides of his fangs. He moans and that's an interesting little thing to know. Their fangs are sensitive. Which makes sense, I guess.

He pulls away and shifts back to his other more human face. "It feels so good inside you," He moans as he strokes me harder. I whimper and feel my orgasm approaching quickly. "That's it, Xan. I wanna see you come for me," he purrs again and the vibration sends me over the edge, screaming his name. He shouts and I feel his cold seed inside me before he collapses on me. We both shudder from the aftershocks of our orgasms and he slides off me so I can put my legs back down.

"Oh, god," I say when I catch my breath.

"Yeah, that about sums it up," he agrees as he nudges me onto my side and pulls me back against his chest. That's not something I ever would've thought about Spike, either: that he's a cuddler after sex. That's fine with me, though, because moving isn't an option.

"Any regrets?" he asks.

It takes me a while to remember where *that* question came from. But I finally make my brain work and smile. "Hell, no," I reply.

"Me either," he replies. I sigh contentedly as he pulls me closer and starts purring again.

No regrets. In fact, I have every intention of doing this again.

And again.

And again.

 

~Fin~